Wednesday, August 03, 2005

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - USING YOUR VOICE



Have you heard the Chinese Proverb "Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead"?

Let's face it, most communication has the intent of convincing others, and as such we are deluged with it daily. In this, the Information Age, we never lack for someone trying to sell us something. It's on the radio and TV, on billboards, on the web, and in the print media. Everyone vying for our attention. Therefore we tend to tune it out. We're also plenty used to, from childhood, someone reprimanding us, criticizing, or pointing out our faults. We tune those out as well, as they are painful and unpleasant. When we hear a strident tone of voice, an accelerating pitch, or a negative tone, we quit listening. Some people refer to this tone of voice as "Mother" or "School M'arm." But I wouldn't leave out "principal" or "angry Father."

If you want to be listened to, slow down and talk more softly. Avoid the nonverbal signals that say "lecture coming ... tune out." This might include putting your hands on your hips, bouncing your head, holding out a finger and pointing, banging on the table with your fist, narrowing your eyes, and so forth.

Another thing to avoid is those key phrases that make us all want to run and hide (or hit). These include:

1. Listen here, young man
2. We need to have a talk
3. You asked for this
4. Can I give you some constructive criticism (do you ever believe it's going to be constructive
5. Please come to my office
6. I'm only going to say this once
7. I know you're not going to like this, but ...
8. I'd like to make one thing perfectly clear
9. Okay, I want you to listen, and to listen good
10. How many times have I had to tell you

Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. Learn to get back from yourself and hear yourself. You may find that you wouldn't listen to you either, if you were on the receiving end.

Learning to deal with Constructive Discontent is an EQ competency. When you're upset or unhappy about something, this is the time to slow down and pay attention, not go off half-cocked.

When you're angry about something:
  • Stay calm, focused and emotionally grounded
  • Know your bottom line
  • Pay attention to your own emotional reaction.

    Our emotions give us information, so pay attention to the message, but don't consider it a call to action of any sort. It's best to take some time to THINK, so that you RESPOND, not REACT. Anger is good for telling us what we want. It is not good for getting us what we want.

    When you live and/or work closely with someone else, don't train them to tune you out. Avoid the tones of voice and sorts of words that signal "lecture coming." Yes, yiou must defend yourself if you're under verbal attack, but it's never necessary to use any more force in return than is absolutely necessary. This means keeping your emotions under control.
    ----------
    To learn more, take the EQ Alive! training and certification program. Fast, affordable, no-residency program which will give you a strong foundation in EQ and teach you how to apply the EQ competencies to real-life situations. This program is excellent for HR personnel, managers, therapists, coaches, ministers, teachers, and all who want to learn about EQ and how to coach it to others. Email me for more information. Start immediately. Individual instruction arranged to fit your busy schedule.
  • Friday, July 29, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE & THE TRIUNE BRAIN




    Check out this website for a great, quick rundown on the triune brain. It's also an example of the concept "ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny," which is fractal-ish as well. (Browse the site while you're there for some interesting theories.)

    "Ontogeny is the development of a fetus from fertilization of the egg through the birth of the individual; it applies to any species. Phylogeny is the evolutionary sequence of living beings, starting with single-celled organisms and proceeding all the way to homo sapiens. The process of development of a fetus begins with the single-celled egg that recapitulates the very first living creatures, and then develops through the multi-celled higher forms of life to something that looks rather like the amphibians of the early history of life, and continues on until the creature hatches or is born."

    Thursday, July 28, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - APPLICATIONS



    You've got to use your heaad these days. It takes a lot of EQ savvy to know how to handle each different "relating" incident in your life in order to take care of yourself -- first and foremost.

    I say "relating" incident, because not every encounter is a relationship, and, despite what some people take away with them from therapy, one should not always disclose, be vulnerable, be "honest." Part of EQ is keeping your "observing ego" going all the time, so you keep yourself out of trouble.

    FOR EXAMPLE, today we have a guest article from Dr. Moloney, a retired family practitioner, kind enough to share a few tips with us.

    What Not to Tell Your Doctor?
    (c) Vincent R. Moloney MD

    For many years since medicine has been established as an ethical profession and gained widespread credence people have believed that they could and should tell their doctor everything even remotely pertinent to their health and that it was held in the strictest confidence.

    Furthermore, how can the physician make accurate judgments when important or
    significant information is missing?

    This system worked very well until relatively recently but there now exists a breach
    of this confidence that people should know about and this breach has developed from the advent of third party investigations into people's backgrounds. Your medical
    records are no longer confidential because you are forced to reveal them. Let us look at some scenarios.

    When visiting your doctor's office on a Monday not feeling well you tell him/her that you occasionally drink a half case of beer over the weekend. Believing in the
    confidentially of your records you forget about it. Some time later when you apply for life insurance the company requires you to sign a release for your medical records. (No release, no application.) The underwriters peruse your records, note the extra beer, and subsequently rate your premiums higher making you pay extra for decades, thousands of dollars.

    You complain to your doctor of recurrent chest pain. Investigation reveals nothing, the discomfort resolves permanently and you have no further follow-up to document the benign resolution. Everything is O.K. Ah, but not really. Those words sit there permanently in the record. Later you apply for a mortgage or health insurance or life insurance, signing a release of your records. You are turned down flat or at least rated a higher premium.

    Perhaps you have occasion to mention to your doctor that you have stress, marital discord, job problems, and mental/emotional problems, etc. You later apply for a job
    requiring security clearance or background checks. These jobs are many and include police, security and just about any job involving real responsibility. Despite having
    resolved the problems guess who might not get the job? You may never find out why, either.

    You injure your hand and you admit to your doctor that you punched a wall in anger. It could be the only time you ever did something like that but guess what? Those words will sit there forever and be taken as evidence of emotional instability. Want to try for a responsible job?

    It really is a shame to see someone pay higher life insurance premiums for decades or be passed over for a job they really want because of an entry in their medical
    record.

    What can be done about this dilemma? (Webster: A predicament that defies a satisfactory solution.) Your concerns must be balanced against the doctor's need for information and his real need to document what he/she concluded and why. A correct solution would be very welcome but one is not apparent.

    The best approach might be the following: Tell your doctor the truth and discuss with him/her your concerns regarding your record coming back to hurt you and how this can be managed in the best way. In the case of your problem turning out to be benign then make sure the record reflects this outcome and is satisfactory to you AT THAT TIME. Don't be required to scramble around years later trying to correct it. That's lame at best and you probably won't even get a chance. Besides, even doctors don't live forever.

    If your problem turns out not to be benign, then there is no choice but to have it in your record. That's life.

    When faced with a dilemma all one can do is make the most carefully considered decision one can. Work with your doctor and try to obtain a result that is best for you. After all, it's your life.

    Just be careful out there.

    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Play music like you always wanted. Gain the knowledge
    you need to learn rapidly and cut out most of the practice
    drudgery. Dr. Moloney is a retired Family Practitioner with
    a lifelong interest in music and teaching. Empower yourself to take charge of your music learning by studying his E-book available HERE.

    EQ POINT. It takes a lot of mathematical ability to make it through medical school. Many people with math ability are also musically inclined. Music and math are both symbolic languages. Your doctor may "speak" math and "speak" music better than he speaks English, as a matter of fact.

    Researcher Mike O'Boyle, Ph.D., researcher in this area writes: “Various expressions of exceptionality, such as giftedness in math, music or art, may be the by-product of a brain that has functionally organized itself in a qualitatively different way than the usual left/right hemispheric asymmetry.”

    Read the complete article HERE.

    Wednesday, July 27, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - How you manage people, including yourself!



    LEARNING ABOUT THINGS

    The EQ Competenies are:

    Resilience

    Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving

    Intentionality

    Flexibility

    Creativity

    Interpersonal Skills

    Integrated Self

    Trust Radius

    Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Without it there can be no emotional intelligence.

    Optimism is the facilitator of all the competencies.

    To find out what your EQ is, take THE EQ MAP.

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - One Day at a Time

    "Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself."

    This quote is from David Martyn Lloyd-Jones, who wrote a book entitled, "Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure". It's nice to distinguish spiritual (mental, self-inflicted) from what we might call "physical" depression, i.e., that which is caused by chemical imbalance or physical causes.

    Being aware of your self-talk and monitoring it, and then changing it, i.e., taking control of it, is crucial to emotional intelligence. If you are talking to yourself in demeaning, degrading, pessimistic, discouraging, hateful ways, you can STOP doing this and START doing something different.

    You are not a helpless victim at the hands of your thoughts. Most of our self-talk - those thoughts rambling around in our heads all day long, whether we're conscious of them or not -- originate from our parents. Also anyone else who was influential enough to us, or around us long enough. Could be a long-term marriage partner, for instance, but mostly from parents. We internalize how our parents taught us to feel about ourselves.

    You had no choice when you were a little kid. Now that you're an adult, you have a choice!

    Monitor for a week the things you say to yourself. Write them down and take a good look at them. If they were coming from someoneelse how long would you choose to stay in the room with that person?

    Then, start talking to yourself, not listening to yourself.

    Good advice!

    EQ coaching and resources for all your needs. -

    Tuesday, July 26, 2005

    EQ - USE IT WHEN YOU 'LOOK AT' STATISTICS



    USE YOUR EQ ... BE AN OSTRICH WHO DOESN'T BURY ITS HEAD IN THE SAND

    I'm enjoying "Freakonomics," by Steven D. Levitt. This "rogue economist" has been asked to use data to help the CIA catch money launderers. An economist? Levitt believes the modern world, despite a surfeit of obfuscation, complication, and downright deceit, is not impenetrable, is not unknowable, and -- if the right questions are asked -- is even more intriguing that we think.

    And he sure has an intriguing way of looking at it.

    Now, if you don't bury your head in the sand like an ostrich -- in other words, if you use your EQ to apply it to donciseration of the data and statistics you read -- you can see underlying patterns and learn fascinating things.

    Don't do like the czar in folklore Levitt cites who learned that the province with the most illness had the most doctors in it, concluded the doctors were the cause, and had them all executed!

    image: www.clipart.com

    FOR EQ COACHING, CALL 210.496.0678. You have nothing to lose but losing patterns and habits!

    Become an EQ Coach. The EQ Alive! Program is affordable, fast, packed with value, comprehensive, and has no residency requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information. Start immediately.

    Monday, July 25, 2005

    EQ - EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - MALE & FEMALE


    Check out this article on the difference between raising boys and girls, on msn.com, written by Renee Bacher.

    The writer refers to Baron-Cohen's book. Simon-Baron, Ph.D., a British psychopathologist, is the author of "The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain" (Perseus, 2003), a book we highly recommend if you want to learn about "the opposite sex" and the differences that are hard-wired into the brain. Bear in mind when reading this book, this book is about the mythical "average". Either gender can have the type of brain he describes.

    His 20 years of research yielded that the average female brain is better at empathizing with others, while the average male brain is better at systemizing and predicting outcomes.

    From the article:

    In Baron-Cohen's research, both genders exhibit aggression, but in boys it tends to take a more conventional form (physical fighting), whereas in girls, it is usually more subtle, manifesting itself in gossip, social exclusion, and verbal meanness (such as cutting remarks, often made behind the victim's back).

    Perhaps girls are adept at this kind of bullying because they are more tuned in to the emotional lives of other people, and hence understand intuitively the impact -- which, according to most moms, is more brutal than a simple blow.


    Read the article for more interesting information!

    ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success.

    Want to become an EQ Coach? Email me for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Can be arranged to fit your scheduled. Trainin coaches worldwide.



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    Friday, July 22, 2005

    EQ - EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE



    From today's mailbag:

    I have become so much more in tune with my emotions and of those around me. I am more in control of them and my family and friends have noticed. You are more than welcome to quote me. You are doing so much good, and helping so many people I would be honoured to give any feedback and let others know how it's helped me. Keep up the good work, you have inspired me to be the best person I can be." 
    -- Colleen Sibeijn,UK

    HOW EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE CAN HELP YOU WIN THE NEGOTIATION


    “How Can EQ Help You Win the Negotiation?”
    by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

    “Don’t ask your father the minute he walks in the door,” my Mom used to tell me. “Wait till he’s in a good mood. Let him unwind a little.”

    Then some time later, she would alert me that “the good mood” had arrived, and it was time to ask him. It was a mystery to me, but gradually I began to pick up on what indicated a “bad mood” in my dad, and what indicated a “good mood,” and how to use it to my advantage. Eventually I became adept at putting him in a good mood; like most girls, I learned to work my dad over pretty good, and at least some of the time I got what I wanted. At other times he would say, “That’s not going to work on me young lady.” Like playing “Hot Cold” it helped me refine my people skills, and be more subtle.

    While it wasn’t always easy to judge “mood,” it was pretty easy to tell when Mom or Dad was angry and, like most kids, I learned to head for hills at such a time. Not only wasn’t it a good time to ask for anything, it wasn’t a good time to be around at all. If you want to win, you have to know when to fold them, as well as when to hold them.

    Most kids learn how to gauge the moods of their parents pretty well because it’s important to their survival, figuratively, if not literally. Knowing when Mom’s in a bad mood and staying out of her way at those times makes life easier, and approaching her for something when she’s in a good mood makes it more probable you’ll get it. We also learn that we can sometimes wear a parent down when they’re tired and they’ll give in, and that sometimes kisses and compliments will work where reason and logic don’t. Kids are pretty good little negotiators, and the ones who read social cues the best, and are most attuned to the emotions of those around them, do the best.

    So when we grow up and enter the work world as sophisticated adults does all this become irrelevant? Quite to the contrary. There are always people we want things from, just as there are people who want things from us, and while there’s a prevailing myth that business runs on logic, reason and analysis, it is about relationships and negotiations, and emotions quite often determine the outcome. It’s an old adage that people do business with people they like and trust. However you define those words, and how you separate out the components, it is an emotional response, not an intellectual one.

    Cognitive intelligence is important – knowing the facts, getting the figures, and doing the homework – but emotional intelligence can be the deciding factor. Whether you want a promotion, a million dollar contract, a new partner, information from someone, or their cooperation, your success depends upon how well you understand and manage the emotional force field around the situation. My Mom was right. Studies show that people do react more favorably when they’re in a good mood, so timing is everything. Do you know how to tell when someone’s in a good mood? And what if they’re not? Do you know how to put someone in a good mood?

    Great salespeople know how to bring the good mood with them. They arrive with a good story or positive anecdote, a gift, a joke, or even food. Their intuition, an EQ competency, tells them what will work on each person. Maurice E. Schweitzer, professor of operations and information management at Wharton, calls this “non-task communication.” He has researched this phenomenon, and says, “In negotiation, we have always known that non-task communication – discussion that’s not directly relevant to the negotiation process – is important for closing a deal.”

    In recent research, Schweitzer and associates induced emotional states in subjects and found that angry people trusted the least, and happy people trusted the most, and sad people were in between. They found that “emotions which are irrelevant to the judgment task … influence trust judgments in predictable ways.” “Predictable” is the key phrase here, because it gives us power. When we’re negotiating with someone, we want to control as many of the variables leading to a “yes” as possible.

    Because decisions are not based solely on reason and logic, emotional intelligence is clearly important to success. There are two things for sure: there is never enough data, and the data is always ambiguous. Let’s say you have $100,000 to invest. Is real estate the best long-term producer, or is the stock market? It depends on who’s talking to you, what they’re selling, and what chart they show you. I’ve seen it “proven conclusively” both ways. And for each of you readers who silently mouthed “But it’s real estate, because …” there was another mouthing “stocks, because …”!

    And who was at fault when the patient died on the surgery table? Was it the hospital, the internist, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the nurse, the manufacturer of the shunt, or the HMO? There will be an expert witness for and against each position.

    We like to think we’re making a rational decision based on the facts, but studies show, and common sense affirms, that emotions play a role, and one that you can’t afford to ignore. How can developing your emotional intelligence help you succeed? Here are some examples:

    · The savvy businessman across the table wears a mask to conceal his emotions so he’ll have the advantage in the negotiation. Can you read the telltale nonverbal signals? Some nonverbal reactions that are very informative, such as the Adam’s Apple Jump, are beyond conscious control.

    · You must choose one of two candidates for the next head of regional sales and their ability to perform will make or break your company this year. Can you keep a clear head about their qualifications and expertise and not be swayed by the subtle and not-so-subtle maneuvers they perform to induce you to choose them?

    · You’re a fundraiser and you know who you want to ask for the funds, and how you’re going to do it, but do you know when? Can you tell when they’re in the right frame of mind?

    · Time has run out and you must go in right now and ask for the raise. You know your boss is angry because your associate just lost a contract/sad because her son just got turned down at Harvard. Do you know it’s important to change her mood, and do you know how to do it?

    · He’s trying to sell you the car and you’ve had the best hour you’ve had for weeks. He’s made you laugh, he’s complimented you, and you’re feeling great. In other words, he’s a master at “non-task communication.” Are you aware of what’s going on emotionally? Are you able to hold the line on the good times and make a rational decision about this car and this price? Studies show that if you’re aware of the emotional factors you can manage around them.

    You’ve got the degrees, the credentials and the experience. Is your emotional intelligence competitive?

    ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success.

    Want to become an EQ Coach? Email me for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Can be arranged to fit your scheduled. Trainin coaches worldwide.

    Thursday, July 21, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 4U



    From the good folks at Higher Awareness:
    Being relentlessly and adamantly self-forgiving is an EQ competency. From it comes the ability to forigve -- or understand -- people, time, events, even life itself.
    "Let Go Of The Past"

    "Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time."

    -- Asha Tyson

    No regrets. As we become more aware, we begin to realize that there's a purpose to everything that happens. This builds our trust, and supports us in being willing to be more open and daring to really experience life as it unfolds.

    If we pay attention to what's happening in each moment, we will discover that life continually brings us opportunities to heal our past wounds. When a painful memory surfaces, we can take the time to feel it fully, give compassion to ourselves and any others and allow the energy to release. As we deal with the past in this way IN THE PRESENT, we free ourselves to more fully connect with life.

    "The next message you need is right where you are."

    -- Ram Dass

    EQ - BRAIN WORKOUT RECOMMENDED




    In the same way that exercising develops our bodies, makse us feel better, and improves our physical health, exercising the brain brings about the same great results. (Very good for cushioning against aging, too.) How do you "exercise" your brain? With stimulation! Stimulating the brain "exercises" it, makes us feel better, brings better emotional, mental and physical health, and increases intellectual functioning.

    It was noted in early EEG studies that people who were good at meditating were able to bring their brains into lower wave patterns, moving from beta (the usual adult state - associated with concentration, arousal, alertness and cognition, and, if too high, anxiety); then alpha (deep relaxation); then theta (dreaming sleep also associated with increased creativity, what's called "superlearning", integrative experiences, and increased memory); and then there is delta, where generally you're asleep.

    According to scientists, as we slow the brain wave patterns from beta to alpha to theta to delta, there is a corresponding increase in balance between the
    two hemispheres of the brain, which is called "brain synchronization." Brain waves shift from the usual asymmetrical patterns, with one hemisphere dominant over the other, to a to a balanced state of whole-brain integration, with the same brain wave frequency throughout. Dr. Lester Fehmi, director of the Princeton Biofeedback Research Institute feels that hemispheric synchronization represents "the maximum efficiency of information transport through the whole brain". Aren't we always talking about "whole brain functioning"? This allows you to become less "self-conscious" and function more "intuitively."

    This makes learning easier, among other things.

    Says Thompson "This [integration] creates a state of coherence in the brain...an internal physiological environment for learning which involves the whole brain." The linear, sequential style of problem solving preferred by the left hemisphere is brought into balance with the global intuitive style of the right hemisphere and limbic system. This allows us to have greater access to internal and external knowledge, and provides optimal conditions for expanding intuition in problem-solving. One of the by-products of hemispheric synchronication
    appears to be a highly focused state of attending. This means the "mind chatter" is reduced, and you can pay attention with great focus, which is criticial for efficient learning land effective functioning.

    EMAIL ME FOR EQ PROGRAM TODAY.



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    Wednesday, July 20, 2005

    EQ - One of the Competencies if Intuition, aka Gut Feeling aka Gut Instinct aka Inklings aka Feelings

    Call it intuition, gut feeling, inklings, or gut instinct, it takes up where the data leaves off, and gives us quick and sure information, when we know how to read its messages.

    We often rationalize the decisions we make through intuition (giving it logical, "reasonable" explanations), but if we do talk about it, since it's a way of "knowing without knowing how you know" (unless you study EQ, and then you'll know how you know!), it's often explained in metaphorical terms and/or with references to the 5 (or 7) senses, because intuition is from sensual information, i.e., from the senses.

    Here are some examples of things you can figure out with your intuition that can help you stay safe and succeed.

    1. Which way the wind is blowing.

    2. What the temperature is in the Board room.

    3. When the deal's about to go sour, or when it stinks.

    4. When the contract is legal, ethical, morale, but not going to pass the smell test.

    5. Who's got the sixth sense for business, or the Midas Touch.

    6. Which HR person knows how to look in the horse's mouth.

    7. Which VP's got the killer instinct.

    8. Which way the judge is leaning, and what story will touch the jury.

    9. When it's a case of rats leaving a sinking ship.

    10. When's the right time to ask for the raise or close the deal.

    11. How to get nerves of steel, or have ice water in your veins when needed.

    12. WHich benefactor has a heart of gold.

    13. When the pump's been primed, and it's time to ask.

    14. When there's so much tension in the room you could slice it with a knife.

    15. When to stay out of the boss' line of fire.

    16. When someone is about to blow.

    EMAIL ME FOR COACHING. You can improve your gut instinct or intuition and it makes a great difference in your life. sdunn@susandunn.cc

    Sunday, July 17, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN THE WORKPLACE



    “Don’t ask your father the minute he walks in the door,” my Mom used to tell me. “Wait till he’s in a good mood. Let him unwind a little.”

    Then some time later, she would alert me that “the good mood” had arrived, and it was time to ask him. It was a mystery to me, but gradually I began to pick up on what indicated a “bad mood” in my dad, and what indicated a “good mood,” and how to use it to my advantage. Eventually I became adept at putting him in a good mood; like most girls, I learned to work my dad over pretty good, and at least some of the time I got what I wanted. At other times he would say, “That’s not going to work on me young lady.” Like playing “Hot Cold” it helped me refine my people skills, and be more subtle.

    While it wasn’t always easy to judge “mood,” it was pretty easy to tell when Mom or Dad was angry and, like most kids, I learned to head for hills at such a time. Not only wasn’t it a good time to ask for anything, it wasn’t a good time to be around at all. If you want to win, you have to know when to fold them, as well as when to hold them.

    Most kids learn how to gauge the moods of their parents pretty well because it’s important to their survival, figuratively, if not literally. Knowing when Mom’s in a bad mood and staying out of her way at those times makes life easier, and approaching her for something when she’s in a good mood makes it more probable you’ll get it. We also learn that we can sometimes wear a parent down when they’re tired and they’ll give in, and that sometimes kisses and compliments will work where reason and logic don’t. Kids are pretty good little negotiators, and the ones who read social cues the best, and are most attuned to the emotions of those around them, do the best.

    So when we grow up and enter the work world as sophisticated adults does all this become irrelevant? Quite to the contrary. There are always people we want things from, just as there are people who want things from us, and while there’s a prevailing myth that business runs on logic, reason and analysis, it is about relationships and negotiations, and emotions quite often determine the outcome. It’s an old adage that people do business with people they like and trust. However you define those words, and how you separate out the components, it is an emotional response, not an intellectual one.

    Cognitive intelligence is important – knowing the facts, getting the figures, and doing the homework – but emotional intelligence can be the deciding factor. Whether you want a promotion, a million dollar contract, a new partner, information from someone, or their cooperation, your success depends upon how well you understand and manage the emotional force field around the situation. My Mom was right. Studies show that people do react more favorably when they’re in a good mood, so timing is everything. Do you know how to tell when someone’s in a good mood? And what if they’re not? Do you know how to put someone in a good mood?

    Great salespeople know how to bring the good mood with them. They arrive with a good story or positive anecdote, a gift, a joke, or even food. Their intuition, an EQ competency, tells them what will work on each person. Maurice E. Schweitzer, professor of operations and information management at Wharton, calls this “non-task communication.” He has researched this phenomenon, and says, “In negotiation, we have always known that non-task communication – discussion that’s not directly relevant to the negotiation process – is important for closing a deal.”

    In recent research, Schweitzer and associates induced emotional states in subjects and found that angry people trusted the least, and happy people trusted the most, and sad people were in between. They found that “emotions which are irrelevant to the judgment task … influence trust judgments in predictable ways.”

    “Predictable” is the key word here, because it gives us power. When we’re negotiating with someone, we want to control as many of the variables leading to a “yes” as possible.

    Because decisions are not based solely on reason and logic, emotional intelligence is clearly important to success. There are two things for sure: there is never enough data, and the data is always ambiguous. Let’s say you have $100,000 to invest. Is real estate the best long-term producer, or is the stock market? It depends on who’s talking to you, what they’re selling, and what chart they show you. I’ve seen it “proven conclusively” both ways. And for each of you readers who silently mouthed “But it’s real estate, because …” there was another mouthing “stocks, because …”!

    And who was at fault when the patient died on the surgery table? Was it the hospital, the internist, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the nurse, the manufacturer of the shunt, or the HMO? There will be an expert witness for and against each position.

    We like to think we’re making a rational decision based on the facts, but studies show, and common sense affirms, that emotions play a role, and one that you can’t afford to ignore. How can developing your emotional intelligence help you succeed? Here are some examples:

    . The savvy businessman across the table wears a mask to conceal his emotions so he’ll have the advantage in the negotiation. Can you read the telltale nonverbal signals? Some nonverbal reactions that are very informative, such as the Adam’s Apple Jump, are beyond conscious control.

    · You must choose one of two candidates for the next head of regional sales and their ability to perform will make or break your company this year. Can you keep a clear head about their qualifications and expertise and not be swayed by the subtle and not-so-subtle maneuvers they perform to induce you to choose them?

    · You’re a fundraiser and you know who you want to ask for the funds, and how you’re going to do it, but do you know when? Can you tell when they’re in the right frame of mind?

    · Time has run out and you must go in right now and ask for the raise. You know your boss is angry because your associate just lost a contract/sad because her son just got turned down at Harvard. Do you know it’s important to change her mood, and do you know how to do it?

    · He’s trying to sell you the car and you’ve had the best hour you’ve had for weeks. He’s made you laugh, he’s complimented you, and you’re feeling great. In other words, he’s a master at “non-task communication.” Are you aware of what’s going on emotionally? Are you able to hold the line on the good times and make a rational decision about this car and this price? Studies show that if you’re aware of the emotional factors you can manage around them.

    You’ve got the degrees, the credentials and the experience. Is your emotional intelligence competitive? Take THE EQ MAP and find out. Then call me for coaching. You have nothin to lose but losing.

    ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success.

    Good for leadership, ethics, integrity, career, success, relationships, dating, parenting and, frankly, everything important in your life.

    I train and certify managers, HR personnel, therapists, coaches and trainers who want to teach EQ. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program.

    Visit the best ebook library on the Internet.

    Thursday, July 14, 2005

    EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE/The Characteristics of an Emotion






    EMOTIONS HAVE THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERISTICS:
    From Carl Ratner, Ph.D.'s, "A Cultural-Psychological Analysis of Emotions."

    1. Quality: The kind of emotion that is felt in a particular situation depends upon an understanding (concept, representation, schema) of it. Understanding is not simply attaching a positive or negative value to a situation, it is understanding the characteristics, causes and consequences of an event.

    2. Intensity: This depends upon cognitive concepts juse as the quality does. The fear generated by something is proportional to one's estimation of the likelihood of harm, and one's ability to defend oneself, which are relative.

    3. Behavioral Expression: A given emotional quality is often expressed according to different display rules in different cultures. There include the general ease with which any and all emotions are expressed. "Before the 17th and 18th centuries," write Kasson, "extremes of jubilant laughter, passionate weeping, and violent rage were indulged in with a freedom that in later centuries would not be permitted even to children."

    4. Managing emotions: The manner in which people resolve their emotions depends upon cultural concepts about emotions and other phenomena. The Ilongot people of the Philippines, for instance, have a great fear of emotion's potential to disrupt social relationships, [and] consequenly, they immediately dissipate strong emotions in order to ensure continuous amicable relationships.

    5. Organization: the similarity or difference which a given emotion has with other emotions varies considerably in different societies. The Ifaluk experience disappointment and fright as similar feelings. They also experience an emotion called "fago" which encompasses the English terms: compassion, sadness, love, respect, and gratitude. It is integrally related to safdnesds, unlike the Western conception of love.

    Individual coaching - mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc

    Wednesday, July 13, 2005

    EQ - Can Save Your Life!

    FOR MY READERS IN THE UK ... OR PASS IT ON TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHO LIVES THERE

    The bombings last week in London prompted some creative soul to come up with a wonderful emergency tool. This could save a lot of heartache should tragedy occur.

    East Anglian Ambulance Service has launched a national "In case of Emergency ( ICE ) " campaign with the support of Falklands' war hero Simon Weston and in association with Vodafone's annual life savers award.

    The wasy it works is, you store the word " I C E " in your mobile phone address book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency".

    In an emergency situation, helping personnel would be able to locate your next of kin immediately, and contact them.

    it's a great idea, isn't it? Maybe someone in the US could get something like this started, or you may know a way to enter "Emergency Contact" on your screen. At any rate, once the word gets around, the first thought of the person on the scene, besides calling an EMS, would be to check the victim's cell phone for this emergency information.

    Please forward this to everyone in your address book who can benefit from it.

    EQ COACHING, INTERNET COURSES, AND EBOOKS AROUND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR YOUR PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT. CALL 210.496.0678 OR MAILTO:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

    Sunday, July 10, 2005

    EQ TESTS - The EQ Map

    Have you taken The EQ-Map(r)? It's a great way to find out what your emotional intelligence is. You'll also learn the names of the competencies, and read great descriptions about them.

    Take the assessment and then call me for coaching to bring up competencies you're deficient in. you'll be glad you did.

    "Emotional Intelligence, more than any other asset, more than IQ or technical expertise, is the most important overall success factor," Warren Bennis, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Business Administration, USC.

    Susan Dunn MA, The EQ Coach
    210.496.0678
    Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc

    Saturday, July 09, 2005

    EQ - WE LOVE READING



    THE TOP 10 WAYS TO GET YOUR CHILD TO READ MORE

    1. Make books a part of your child's life from the minute they're born. Read to them on into the teen years. (P.S. They don't have to be sitting still to hear what you're reading, or 'get' that you're reading a book.)

    2. Set a time for serious reading. Just before bedtime is a good time. Let them sit on your lap and look at the pictures as you read, and touch the book.

    3. Have books with you for car trips, waiting in line, waiting for the older sibling at soccer practice, etc.

    4. Model your own enthusiasm for books and reading. Let your child see you reading every chance you get. Run for a book, not for the remote. (You DO read, don't you?)

    5. Take your child to the library or book store and let them choose what interests them. In my town there's a 75% off book store, where no book is over $5. Find something like that, or visit your local Goodwill if money's tight (and the library, of course).

    6. Make use of audio books.

    7. When your child is bored, suggest reading. Learning to deal with "boredom" is a childhood task, and picking up a book should be one of their first thoughts.

    8. Give books as presents.

    9. Tell stories. It's on the asme path. Learning to hear a story or read one. It's not like most television.

    10. Reading is reading. If a comic book is as far as you can get, it's a start. Or one of those beautifull illustrated children's books. Great art and literature go together. It's all about learning.

    CALL ME FOR COACHING - 210.496.0678. The best thing you can do for your children and grandchildren, is to increase your own emotional intelligence!

    EQ - Reaching Out

    To all my clients and friends in London, please accept my heartfelt sympathy during this difficult time. During many a hard time in my life, I've relief on studies of the British during World War II, and have often relied on the character, speeches and writings of Winston Churchill, that great stateman to the world. We are seeing the British character again. We mourn with you the losses.



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    Friday, July 08, 2005

    EQ- ESSENTIAL DIFFERENCES

    ESSENTIAL DIFFERENCES.

    According to psychologist Michael Gurian, men really do think differently than women. (But we know this intuitively.) The reasons why are biological and psychological. Here are a few of the effects of biology:

    1. Testosterone, the dominant male hormone, associated with sex and aggression, the search for social power, ambition and independence.

    2. Vasopressin, a brain chemical males have more of than females, associated with territoriality, hierarchy, competition, and persistance.

    3. Oxytocin, a brain chemical more dominant in females, associated with maternal nurturance, verbal-emotive connection, and empathic bonding.

    4. Differences between men and women in the way their brains gather sensory and sensual information.

    5. The male brain's greater development of cortical areas for spatial thinking and abstract systems.

    6. The role of female hormones, including estrogen and progesterone.
    Biopsychological drives to discover and express potency that are hardwired into male reproductive parocesses.

    Says Gurian, "Men do not hear as much as women do nor take in as much from the other senses. Galvanic skin-response tests show that male skin is less sensitive than a female's -- a woman's skin is ten times more sensitive to touch than a man's. Male skin takes in less physical pain, and brain scans show less neocortical activity in pain responses."

    For more on this important subject read: "What Could He Be Thinking?"

    Wednesday, July 06, 2005

    EQ - Crab Fu

    Enjoy Crab Fu.

    Tuesday, July 05, 2005

    EQ - About the Fourth of July

    4TH OF JULY

    THE MEN WHO SIGNED THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

    Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

    Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

    Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

    Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

    They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

    What kind of men were they?

    Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

    Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his Ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

    Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

    Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Swinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

    At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters.

    He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

    Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

    John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't.

    So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

    Remember: freedom is never free!

    I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many people as you can, please. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

    TRIBUTE TO THE UNITED STATES FROM A CANADIAN NEWSPAPER

    "America: The Good Neighbor"

    Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record: This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the
    Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave
    other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on
    its remaining debts to the United States.

    When the France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

    When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the UnitedStates that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

    The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.

    I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of
    the United States Dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the
    world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the
    Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International
    lines except Russia fly American Planes?

    Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon ... not once, but several times - and safely home again.

    You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa back home to spend here.

    When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.

    I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.

    Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of
    hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag
    high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those.

    Sunday, July 03, 2005

    EQ is FREEDOM

    HAPPY JULY 4th

    Proclaim Personal Freedom this year ... Talk kindly to yourself about yourself

    "What is this self inside us, this silent observer,
    Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us,
    And urge us on to futile activity,
    And in the end, judge us still more severely,
    For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us?"

    -- T. S. Eliot

    Our thoughts create our reality, and our self-talk is our most constant companion. We "talk" to ourselves far more any day than anyone else does. Get off your back and on your side, if you aren't already.

    Do you berate yourself, proclaiming that you're stupid, fat, lazy, ignorant or insensitive?

    Why not just watch yourself with curiosity, knowing you're doing the best you can under any given situation. (If you have things that NEED correcting, be mindful, and get to work. EQ coaching can help.)

    If their are self-judgments that don't serve you, let them go. Most people who are hyper-judgmental of others, do so because they don't like themselves.

    "Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself."

    -- Nathaniel Branden

    Wednesday, June 29, 2005

    EQ - When You're Falling, Relax

    Check out the free falls in this video.
    It changes each time, so use the "refresh" button: http://www.compfused.com/directlink/822/

    In all your falls, may your land gently!

    LEARN HOW TO COACH PEOPLE THROUGH TRANSITIONS.
    I TRAIN AND CERTIFY EQ COACHES. EMAIL ME FOR
    INFORMATION ON THIS FAST, AFFORDABLE, COMPRE-
    HENSIVE, NO-RESIDENCY PROGRAM. START TOMORROW.
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    Tuesday, June 28, 2005

    EQ Coaching - It's Not Just for Athletes Any More

    Check out my latest article on the BusinessHighlight site.

    Athletes have been given training in emotional management for years in order to improve their performance and reach their potential. Now it's available for all of us!

    Monday, June 27, 2005

    EQ - Fun Facts

    Q: What occurs more often in December than in any other month?
    A: Conception

    Q: What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show?
    A: No theme song


    Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
    A: Their birthplace.


    Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What's the most popular boat name?
    A: Obsession


    Q: If you were to spell out number, how far would you have to count until you found the letter "A"?
    A: One thousand.


    Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
    A: They were all invented by women.


    Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
    A: honey


    Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
    A: Father's Day


    Q: What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
    A: He's allergic to carrots.


    Q: What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
    A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet.


    The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

    Coca-cola was originally green.

    Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

    Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear and smell better.

    The State with the highest percentate of people who walk to work: Alaska.


    Almost everyone who's color blind is male.


    The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
    The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

    The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of 11 - $6,400


    The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000


    Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.


    The only mobile National Monument in the US?
    The San Francisco cable cars


    Each king in a deck of playing cards represents s great kind from history:
    Spades - King David
    Clubs - Alexander the Great
    Hearts - Charlemagne
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar


    If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the groun, the person died of natural causes.


    Only two people signed the Declaraction of Independence on July 4th - Joh Hancock and Charles Thomson.


    "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.


    The term "the whole 9 yards" frome from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When aiming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fueslage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."


    The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which states that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.


    The name "Jeep" came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle.


    The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only 6 inches for each gallon of deisel fuel it burns.


    The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars game.


    The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores. These sores would smell badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously) so that it would cover the smell ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce spreading the disease ("Ashes, ashes, we all fall fown").


    Hershey's kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

    Wednesday, June 22, 2005

    EQ and Change



    Want the change. Be inspired by the flame
    where everything shines as it disappears.
    The artist, when sketching, loves nothing so much
    as the curve of the body as it turns away.

    What locks itself in sameness has congealed.
    Is it safer to be gray and numb?
    What turns hard becomes rigid
    and is easily shattered.

    Pour yourself out like a fountain.
    Flow into the knowledge that what you are seeking
    finishes often at the start, and, with ending, begins.

    Every happiness is the child of a separation
    it did not think it could survive. And Daphne, becoming a laurel,
    dares you to become the wind.

    ~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

    Saturday, June 18, 2005

    EQ: Some Myths about the Workplace

    From Barbara Moses

    As people try to figure out how to navigate today's tough work realities, career and motivation gurus have a receptive audience. So they look for easy-to-swallow maxims to preach -- and in so doing, have let loose numerous myths about how to carve career success.

    Some myths are based on a misunderstanding of contemporary workplace dynamics, or exaggerate what was once acceptable. Others are gross oversimplifications or half-baked truths.

    Here are 10 myths that I hear frequently:

    1. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

    Rare is the individual who has his or her whole life mapped out. Most people will have at least one period, if not several, during their careers in which they will say to themselves "This isn't working. I'm not happy. Now what?"

    This ability to question yourself, and live with the discomfort of uncertainty and ambiguity, actually shows emotional maturity and confidence. Even if you don't feel confident, when you ask yourself important questions, there is an underlying assertion that you feel you deserve more and will figure out how to obtain it.

    2. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.

    I know of no job where irritants don't come as part of the package. Even people who love what they do can identify things that dissatisfy them, whether it's some unpleasant people they have to work with, excessive demands or unappreciative clients and bosses.

    The real test is weighing the balance of the stuff you don't like and the stuff you do. When people do a realistic appraisal of their own work, they usually find that the things that satisfy them outweigh the things that don't.

    3. YOU SHOULD LIVE A BALANCED LIFE.

    What is that, anyway? We each have our own priorities and needs, and they change with every life stage. When children are younger, we may be totally absorbed by them, but as they age and grow more independent, we may be more absorbed by our work.

    In fact, when we are most engaged, our lives are usually out of balance. Instead of seeking balance, ask yourself what you need to have in your life to feel good.

    4. EVERYONE YOU WORK WITH, AND FOR, SHOULD LIKE YOU.

    Just as you don't like everyone you interact with, you shouldn't expect everyone you come across to like you either. It is impossible to be the sort of person who everyone finds equally attractive. That is what makes us human.
    Of course, aspects of our personalities may jar others. If you seem to be alienating a lot of people, ask yourself: Is there something I can and should do to change my behaviour? Or, is this simply not a good fit for me?

    As a general rule, if you've irritated a lot of people, it's hard to get them to readjust their view of you. You may be better off finding a new work environment, where you can start off anew.

    5. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GIVE YOUR BOSS OR CLIENTS WHAT THEY WANT.

    You are brought into a job because you have the knowledge and experience to warrant it. And if you're doing your job right and long enough, you probably know more about the problem than they do. Your role is to share your expertise. If your opinion differs from that of your boss or client, share it. This is what you are being paid to do.

    6. YOU NEED TO BE AN EXTROVERT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

    Here's the thinking behind this one: To be most effective today, you need to be able to work in teams and to market yourself. Extroverts can do this better than introverts.

    In fact, neither is true. Most teamwork today can be better described as "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am." You come together to solve a particular problem, then move on to the next project. Gone are the days of the casual social banter -- what extroverts do so well.

    As far as marketing yourself goes, there are many ways of getting your name and credentials in front of people other than the relationship-building lunches that extroverts favour.

    Strategies that work for introverts include giving presentations, writing for your professional association's newsletter, even sending someone an e-mail commenting about something they are working on.

    7. IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.

    Coach-speak aside ("if you can dream it, you can do it"), we all have limitations as well as strengths. The bar for performance in today's super-competitive workplace is extremely high.

    Simply wanting something because it's your passion will not be sufficient. You may not have the aptitude to do what you want. As a general rule, if you think back to your past and find no strong indication of this aptitude, follow your bliss on your personal time and don't quit your day job.
    8. IT’S HARD TO FIND A MENTOR.

    About 80 per cent of midlife workers cite a strong desire to mentor someone as a source of career satisfaction and renewal, so there is a large pool of people looking to mentor younger talented people.

    Look around at those you work with, previous bosses, consultants selling your company services, people you meet in volunteer capacities. Who do you admire? Ask if you can have a drink with them, or talk on the phone. You are not imposing. Who isn't flattered to feel they have something of value in the way of advice to provide to someone else?

    9. YOU SHOULD FOCUS NETWORKING ON INFLUENTIA PEOPLE.

    Often, senior people are too far removed from the work you are interested in to be truly helpful. As a courtesy, they may ask one of their more junior staff to meet with you, which often annoys the junior staff member. Usually the most fruitful encounters are with people at or just above your level.

    More importantly, the point of networking is not purely instrumental, to get a job lead, for example. It is to make a mutual connection and share information and experiences.

    Don't assess the value of your networking on its immediate economic payoff or the organizational level of the person. When you make a genuine connection, the long-term rewards are significant.

    10. THE GRASS IS GREENER ELSEWHERE.

    Most people significantly overestimate how much fun others are having. Do you feel overworked and underappreciated? Welcome to this decade.

    Before you jump ship, ensure that you have accurately identified what is bothering you, remember what you like in your work, and carefully assess whether it's truly different across the street.

    Barbara Moses, PhD, is an organizational career management consultant, speaker and author of What Next: The Complete Guide to Taking Control of Your Working Life. She can be reached at bmoses@globeandmail.ca .

    Friday, June 17, 2005

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith: An Allegory about Marriage

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith … who ARE these people? to paraphrase one of the great lines from this movie, which stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

    According to one review, “John and Jane Smith are a happily married couple who work as assassins for rival firms.” Another reviewer considers it two movies in one, the first, “a sly comedy/thriller worthy of Hitchcock,” and the other, “a big noisy summer action flick.”

    I agree it’s two movies, but I’d merge the action-thriller-comedy together, and suggest it’s also one of the best allegories for marriage I’ve ever seen.

    Who ARE those people? They’re Every Married Couple … after the honeymoon’s over.

    They’re not “happily” married – the movie begins with them in a marriage therapist’s office – but married they are, and the more you’ve been married, the more you’ll laugh your head off, so you don’t bang it against a wall at the impossible sly comedy/thriller, noisy action imbroglio a marriage can be. The young may take it at face value. The older and wiser will see the wolf’s head under Granny’s nightie – the fight and struggle that’s part of marriage, and part of life.

    In the shrink’s office, John typically speaks for the two of them, saying they’ve been married 5 years. Jane corrects that it’s “6”. The script is peppered with the sort of bickering and snipes you hear from the disgruntled, long-married couples you unfortunately find yourself seated with on a cruise. Jane accidentally sticks a knife in John’s leg and he says, “We’ll talk about this later.” Jane mouths off to him in front of their hostage, and John growls, “It would be better not to demean me in front of the hostage.”

    They are assassins, and shortly after the film begins, they discover they’re going to have to kill each other in order to survive. Imagine that. As Eddie, one of the marvelous side characters, says, in bolstering John to do the deed:

    Eddie: "This broad is not your wife; she's the enemy.
    John: "She tried to kill me."
    Eddie: "They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly. How you going to handle it?"

    Who ARE these people? An equally-matched married couple going through some of the predictable stages of married life. They remember when they met (You looked like Christmas morning, he tells her), while living separate lives under the same roof, their marriage a power-struggle at a hopeless impasse, their communication, surly silence punctuated by nit-picking and pot shots.

    When they dance the tango (the dance that symbolizes marriage if ever there was one), he slams her up against a wall, and she asks, “Satisfied?” “Not for years,” he replies. (See trailer here.) Then he hurls his knife into the wall.

    You will roar, if you have your sense of humor about you, at his reaction when she tells him to turn left. Even when his life depends upon it, he won’t be told what to do. Shortly thereafter they botch up, apologize simultaneously and infuriate themselves further. Neither can win. They can’t quit the contest. “It’s my fault.” “No, it’s MY fault.”

    Ultimately, they have to join forces in order to survive and at this point, they start leveling with each other and get honest. They get at what’s really bugging them, which isn’t the bad meals she doesn’t cook; it’s the lies and half-lies. Jane admits the person who showed up at the wedding to give her away wasn’t her father but a paid actor. John admits to having been married before.

    Incredulous, Jane, the professional assassin, asks, “What’s her name and social security number?” and John replies, “No, you’re not going to kill her.”

    They work through their relationship problems the way we all have to – dodging bullets and crawling around in a speeding car. How many “discussions” have you had with your partner while dodging bullets from in-laws, taking his/her call at work at the worst possible time, cleaning toilets, paying bills, and fighting traffic, while chasing kids and dogs around the house?

    This movie is delightfully cathartic – allowing us to recognize, purge and perhaps purify feelings we’re aware of, just barely aware of, or denying. Like “Fatal Attraction,” or “The Lion in Winter,” we experience vicariously the raw emotions that come with intense, intimate relationships -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    As Harriet Lerner writes in “The Dance of Connection,” we see how “relentless focusing on an issue that only gets worse feels less like a real sharing of feelings and more like a primitive flow of anxiety going from one person to the other.”

    “We need to talk,” he says after she’s tried to run him over with the car, or shoot him, it’s hard to tell there’s so much going on.

    Intensity and reactivity feed on each other in a closed-loop as we experience love, passion, aggression, and smoldering fury from a battle we would have to lose, in order to win. It’s satisfying, at the symbolic level, to see John kicking her a couple of times for good measure, and then, when they finally fall to the ground, exhausted, Jane takes one more punch. Most of us are too controlled to even consider this. However, we find other ways.

    “Everyone gets married for the wrong reason,” a marriage therapist friend of mine once said, “and to the wrong person. And then you deal with it.” The question is, what do you do when the romance of the century has turned into a negotiated cease-fire?

    Like many married couples, Mr. and Mrs. Smith feel it would just be easier to go their separate ways. Then, because it’s a fairytale, of the Grimm sort, danger comes their way and unites them. They turn and fight the world instead of fighting each other, in order to stay alive. In the process, they get real with one another; that is, they start feeling again. We are our emotions, and you can’t stuff one down without stuffing them all down.

    The marvelously superficial and one-dimensional suburbanite characters Mr. and Mrs. Smith meet on their journey are a great foil for this authenticity. One of the best scenes is when John is running around the exterior of the house fighting for his life, and the dog-walking clueless neighbor tells him his car is blocking the sidewalk. Got a neighbor like this? A boss? A friend?

    It’s a story of boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love and get married. 5 years later (or six) the lies and unresolved conflicts have killed the relationship, and are then played out externally, as Mr. and Mrs. Smith try to kill one another. In this case, literally.

    Can love survive? If so, what does it take? Be prepared for a little myth, a little allegory, as our hero and heroine shed some light on human nature, and those two odd bedfellows, love and aggression, that are part of our relationships, and part of life.

    "Ever feel like you want to kill your partner over the littlest thing at one moment and you can't live without them the next?" wrote Mandy on yahoo movies. Ever want to take out their former spouse?

    It's all about knowing and managing emotions. Call for EQ coaching - 210-496-0678, or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

    Thursday, June 16, 2005

    Distorted Thinking/Not High EQ

    >A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going
    >by. He gets nto the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
    >You're just ike Moishe."
    >
    >Passenger: "Who?"
    >
    >Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right.
    >Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have
    >happened like that to Moishe every single time."
    >
    >Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
    >
    >Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
    >gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He
    >sand like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
    >you should have heard him play the piano."
    >
    >Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
    >
    >Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. He could remember
    >everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order
    >and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like
    >me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
    >
    >Passenger: "Wow, some guy eh?
    >
    >Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
    >avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
    >
    >Passenger: "Mmm, not many like that around"
    >
    >Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
    >good; and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong;
    >and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
    >
    >Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
    >
    >Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
    >
    >Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
    >
    >Cabbie: "I married his widow

    Tuesday, June 14, 2005

    A story sent by a retired Marine aviator living in Asheville, N. C.

    Balad Air Base, north of Baghdad, where they come under attack daily from insurgent rockets, mortars and small arms.

    "The Last Full Measure "

    The first rule of war is that young men and women die.

    The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule.

    We had already done around a dozen surgical cases in the morning and the early afternoon. The entire medical staff had a professional meeting to discuss the business of the hospital and the care and treatment of burns. It is not boastful or arrogant when I tell you that some of the best surgeons in the world were present. I have been to many Institutions, and I have been all around the world, and at this point in time, with this level of experience, the best in the world are assembled here at Balad.

    LTC Dave S., the Trauma Czar, and a real American hero is present. He has saved more people out here than anyone can imagine. The cast of characters includes two Air Force Academy graduates, Col (s) Joe W. and Maj Max L. When you watch ER on television, the guys on the show are trying to be like Max - cool, methodical, and professional. Max never misses anything on a trauma case because he sees everything on a patient and notes it the same way the great NFL running backs see the entire playing field when they are carrying the ball. Joe is an ENT surgeon who is tenacious, bright, and technically correct every single time- I mean every single time. The guy has a lower tolerance for variance than NASA. LTC (s) Chris C. was the Surgeon of the Day (SOD), and I was the back-up SOD. Everyone else was there and available-as I said the best in the world.

    As the meeting was breaking up, the call came in. An American soldier had been injured in an IED blast north of here, and he was in a bad way with head trauma. The specifics were fuzzy, but after three months here, what would need to be done was perfectly clear- the 332 Expeditionary Medical Group readied for battle. All the surgeons started to gravitate toward the PLX which is the surgeons ready room and centrally located midway to the ER, OR, and radiology. The lab personnel checked precious units of blood, and the pharmacy made ready all the medications and drugs we would need for the upcoming fight.

    An operating room was cleared, and surgical instruments were laid out, the anesthesia circuits were switched over, and the gasses were checked and rechecked. An anesthesiologist and two nurse anesthetists went over the plan of action as the OR supervisor made the personnel assignments.

    In the ER, bags of IV fluids were carefully hung, battery packs were checked, and the ER nursing supervisor looked over the equipment to make sure all was in working order and the back-ups were ready just in case the primaries failed. The radiology techs moved forward in their lead gowns bringing their portable machines like artillery men of old wheeling their cannon into place. Respiratory therapy set the mechanical ventilator, and double checked the oxygen. Gowns, gloves, boots, and masks were donned by those who would be directly in the battle.

    All of the resources- medical, mechanical, and technological that America can bring to the war were in place and ready along with the best skill and talent from techs to surgeons. The two neurosurgeons gathered by themselves to plan.

    LTC A. is a neurosurgeon who still wears his pilot wings proudly. He used to be a T-38 instructor pilot, and some of the guys he trained to fly are now flying F-16s right here at Balad. He is good with his hands and calm under pressure. The other neurosurgeon is Maj W. a gem of a surgeon who could play the guitar professionally if he was not dedicated to saving lives. A long time ago, at a place on the other side of the world called Oklahoma, I operated on his little brother after a car accident and helped to save his life.

    The two neurosurgeons, Chris, and I joined for the briefing. Although, I was the ranking officer of the group, Chris was the SOD and would be the flight lead. If this was a fighter sweep, all three of those guys would be Weapons School Patch wearers. The plan was for me and the ER folks to assess, treat, and stabilize the patient as rapidly as possible to get the guy into the hands of the neurosurgeons. The intel was that this was an IED blast, and those rarely come with a single, isolated injury. It makes no sense to save the guy's brain if you have not saved the heart pump that brings the oxygenated blood to the brain. With this kind of trauma, you must be deliberate and methodical, and you must be deliberate and methodical in a pretty damn big hurry.

    All was ready, and we did not have to wait very long.

    The approaching rotors of a Blackhawk were heard, and Chris and I moved forward to the ER followed by several sets of surgeons' eyes as we went. We have also learned not to clog up the ER with surgeons giving orders. One guy runs the code, and the rest follow his instructions or stay out the way until they are needed. They wheeled the soldier into the ER on a NATO gurney shortly after the chopper touched down. One look at the PJs' faces told me that the situation was grim. Their young faces were drawn and tight, and they moved with a sense of directed urgency. They did not even need to speak because the look in their eyes was pleading with us- hurry. And hurry we did. In a flurry of activity that would seem like chaos to the uninitiated, many things happened simultaneously.

    Max and I received the patient as Chris watched over the shoulder to pick out anything that might be missed. An initial survey indicated a young soldier with a wound to the head, and several other obvious lacerations on the extremities. Max called out the injuries as they were found, and one of the techs wrote them down. The C-collar was checked, the chest was auscultated as the ET tube was switched to the ventilator.

    Chris took the history from the PJs because the patient was not conscious. All the wounds were examined and the dressings were removed except for the one on the head. The patient was rolled on to his side while his neck was stabilized by my hands, and Max examined the backside from the toes to the head. When we rolled the patient back over, it was onto an X-ray plate that would allow us to take the chest X-Ray immediately. The first set of vitals revealed a low blood pressure; fluid would need to be given, and it appeared as though the peripheral vascular system was on the verge of collapse. I called the move as experienced hands rolled him again for the final survey of the back and flanks and the X-Ray plate was removed and sent for development.

    As we positioned him for the next part of the trauma examination, I noted that the hands that were laid on this young man were Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, American Indian, Australian, Army, Air Force, Marine, Man, Woman, Young, and Older. A true cross section of our effort here in Iraq, but there was not much time to reflect. The patient needed fluid resuscitation fast, and there were other things yet to be done. Chris watched the initial survey and the secondary survey with a situational awareness that comes from competence and experience. Chris is never flustered, never out of ideas, and his pulse is never above fifty. With a steady, calm, and re-assuring voice, he directed the next steps to be taken. I moved down to the chest to start a central line, Max began an ultrasonic evaluation of the abdomen and pelvis. The X-rays and ultrasound examination were reviewed as I sewed the line in place, and it was clear to Chris that the young soldier's head was the only apparent life threatening injury. The two neurosurgeons came forward, and removed the gauze covering the soldier's wounded head, and everyone's heart sank as we saw the blossom of red blood spreading out from shredded white and grey matter of the brain. Experience, told all the surgeons present, that there was no way to survive the injury, and this was one battle the Medical group was going to lose. But he was American, and it was not time to quit, yet. Gentle pressure was applied over the wound, and the patient went directly to the CT scanner as drugs and fluids were pumped into the line to keep his heart and lungs functioning in a fading hope to restore the brain. The time elapsed from his arrival in the ER to the time he was in the CT scanner was 5 minutes. The CT scan confirmed what we had feared. The wounds to the brain were horrific and mortal, and there was no way on earth to replace the volume of tissue that had been blasted away by the explosion. The neurosurgeons looked at the scan, they looked at the scan a second time, and then they re-examined the patient to confirm once again. The OR crew waited anxiously outside the doors of radiology in the hope they would be utilized, but Chris, LTCs A and S., and Maj W. all agreed. There was no brain activity whatsoever. The chaplain came to pray, and reluctantly, the vent was turned from full mechanical ventilation to flow by. He had no hint of respiratory activity, his heart that had beat so strong early in the day ceased to beat forever, and he was pronounced dead. The pumps were turned off; the machines were stopped, and the IVs were discontinued. Respectful quiet remained, and it was time to get ready for the next round of casualties. The techs and nurses gently moved the body over to the back of the ER to await mortuary services. And everyone agreed there was nothing more we could have done.

    When it was quiet, there was time to really look at the young soldier and see him as he was. Young, probably in his late teens, with not an ounce of fat anywhere. His muscles were powerful and well defined, and in death, his face was pleasant, and calm. I am always surprised that anyone still has tears to shed here at Balad, but thank God they still do. The nurses and techs continued to care for him and do what they could. Not all the tubes and catheters can be removed because there is always a forensic investigation to be done at Dover AFB, but the nurses took out the lines they could. Fresh bandages were placed over the wounds, and the blood clots were washed from his hair as his wound was covered once more. His hands and feet were washed with care. A broken toenail was trimmed, and he was silently placed in the body bag when mortuary services arrived as gently as if they were tucking him into bed. Later that night was Patriot Detail- our last goodbye for an American hero. All the volunteers gathered at Base Ops after midnight under a three -quarter moon that was partially hidden by high, thin clouds. There was only silence as the Chief Master Sergeant gave the Detail its instructions. Soldiers, Airmen, and Marines, Colonels, Privates, and Sergeants, pilots, gunners, mechanics, surgeons, and clerks all marched out side by side to the back of the waiting transport, and presently, the flag draped coffin was carried through the cordon as military salutes were rendered. The Detail marched back from the flightline, and slowly the doors of the big transport were secured. The chaplain offered prayers for anyone who wanted to participate, and then the group broke up as the people started to move away into the darkness. The big engines on the transport fired up, and the ground rumbled for miles as they took the runway. His duty was done- he had given the last full measure, and he was on his way home.

    The first rule of war is that young men and women die. The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule. I think the third rule of war should be that those who have given their all for our freedom are never forgotten, and they are always honored. I wish there was not a war, and I wish our young people did not have to fight and die. But I cannot wish away evil men like Bin Laden and al-Zarqawi. These men are not wayward children who have gone astray; they are not great men who are simply misunderstood. These are cold blooded killers and they will kill you, me, and everyone we love and hold dear if we do not kill them first. You cannot reason with these people, you cannot negotiate with these people, and this war will not be over until they are dead. That is the ugly, awful, and brutal truth. I wish the situation was different, but it is not. Americans have two choices. They can run from the threat, deny it exists, candy coat it, debate it, and hope it goes away. And then, Americans will be fair game around the world and slaughtered by the thousands for the sheep they have become. Our second choice is to crush these evil men where they live and have the political will and courage to finish what we came over here to do. The last thing we need here in Iraq is an exit strategy or some damn timetable for withdrawal. Thank God there was no timetable for withdrawal after the Battle of the Bulge or Iwo Jima. Thank God there was no exit strategy at Valley Forge. Freedom is not easy, and it comes with a terrible price- I saw the bill here yesterday. The third rule of war should be that we never forget the sacrifices made by our young men and women, and we always honor them. We honor them by finishing what they came to accomplish. We remember them by never quitting and having the backbone and the guts to never bend to the yoke of oppression. We honor them and remember them by having the courage to live free.

    Monday, June 13, 2005

    The Top 10 Things They've Said about Emotional Intelligence

    by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach

    This article is currently featured on the worryclub blogpot

    1. "If you want to know what will make an oustanding performer, don't look at IQ scores or specific technical skills. Look at the people who are the stars and see the abilities they exhibit that aren't found in people who are mediocre." Richard Boyatzis, prof and dept chair at Weatherhead School of Management, Case Western Reserve University

    2. In 1997, the EQI was administered to 1,200 staff Air Force recruiters. The highest performers outscored the lowest in 14 of the 15 EQI (an emotional intelligence assessment tool) competencies."

    3. "Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough. Only through managing our emotions can we access our intellect and our technical competence. An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure." Doug Lennick, executive VP of American Express Financial Advisors

    4. A growing number of organizatrion are now convinced that people's ability to understand and manage their emotions improves their performance, their collaboration with colleague, and their interaction with customers." Tony Schwartz, author of "How Do You Feel?"

    5. To measure emotional intelligence is to measure one's ability to cope with daily situations and to get along in the world. I've conceptualized emotional intelligence as another way of getting at human effectiveness." Reuven Bar-On. Ph.D.

    6. My simple -- almost simplistic - question in the beginning was, 'Are there factors that determine one's ability to be effective in life?' Very quickly, I saw that people can have very high IQs, but not succeed. I became interested in the basic differences between people who are more or less emotionally and socially effective in various parts of their lives - in their families, with their partners, in the workplace - and those who aren't." Reuven Bar-On

    7. The majority of those we work with are very cognitive and not very experienced with emotions. We're introducing people to a whole new language." Darryl Grigg, psychologist

    8. When I sorted out [research results], EQ abilities were twice as important as anything else in distinguishing stars from average performers. And the higher you go in an organization, the more they matter." Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.

    9. "It also prompts a shift in perspective. They come out seeing the world differently. For men, who are often talking about emotions for the first time, it opens a window. They finally understand what their mothers and sisters and wives have been talking about all these years when they say, 'You don't communicate with me,' and 'You never tell me what you're feeling.' For women, it's often their first confirmation that qualities like self-awareness and empathy can really make a positive difference in the workplace."Kate Cannon

    10. "How come it's all about women and children?" -Business executive taking my EQ Foundation Course (It isn't, it's about emotions)

    It's also interesting to note what research using the Eqidis covered regarding substance abuse and spousal abuse. One researcher found that substance abusers in his study had deficits in problem-solving, social responsibility, and stress tolerance. Spouse abusers, on the others hand, suffered from low empathy, poor impulse control, and an inflated sense of self-regard. Interesting.

    © Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Susan is the author of "The 14th Step," about substance abuse, and other books about EQ. She offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professinal success. Email her for free ezine,sdunn@susandunn.cc or coaching.

    Tuesday, June 07, 2005

    A Healing Film

    Take a look at "Fragile" - a beautiful 6 minute film. It is about comfort and consolation.

    Synopsis:
    A psychological journey into a young child's mind faced with the death of his older sibling. Through abstract fantasies, he re-experiences the happy playtime once shared with his brother. When the two are forcefully separated, the child must overcome the power of self-blame that he inevitably casts upon himself.

    Key Considerations in Making the Film:
    With Fragile, I wanted to create a film which explored death from a perspective that people are not used to seeing. I thought it would be interesting to view it through the mind of a four-year old, a child who is not yet intellectually developed enough to understand the mystery, or even to communicate his thoughts on the matter. I feel the film is interesting for all ages because none of us truly understand death and this film helps to remind us how lost we are without each other.

    Artist's Statement
    Fragile is a story about comfort and consolation. I hope the film will truly touch those who faced loss at a very young age and can remember, however vaguely it may be, how saddened and lonely he or she felt at the time. I feel that its quiet temperament and lack of dialogue erases all preconceptions about death and truly reaches the heart of those who watch it. Since everyone faces death, there is a point in each of our lives when we feel as lonely and helpless as a small child, and it is to this mindstate that I hope Fragile will speak loudest.

    Incredibly, the write up on amazon.com does not include the artist's name, but it's on the credits.

    If you can't make the link work, past this in your browser:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/film-festival/screening-room.html/102-7723381-5042504?%5Fencoding=UTF8&rate=0&moreFilmsTab=0&movieID=9991

    Saturday, June 04, 2005

    A Blending of the Brains

    Check out the winners of Princeton's first "The Art of Science" competition. Be sure and enlarge the photos. They are incredible.

    Here's the entry from the English major:
    Knowledge is Beautiful- A series depicting some of history's great scientific minds with the seductive physical draw that their minds hold for us intellectually... a recollection of Blaise Pascal's "Clarity of mind is clarity of passion." We practice science because we love it. So, too, do we practice art...

    She adds: "The figures are given male heads and female bodies in part to appropriate the old Platonic notion that divides "Mother" Nature (wild, sensual, unpredictable) and "Father" Science (logic and linearity). Contemporary investigation, criticism, and mixing between different sciences and spheres (History of Science, astrobiology, and so on) is opening those borders to new fields of analysis. The imagery also interrogates the traditional male-centeredness of science, and looks to an opening world in which science is performed by, and for, all of humanity rather than a restricted category or sex."

    EQ-wise ... we have the emotions v. logic and linearity. Yet again.

    Handling Your Emotions

    I'm sure you've seen the great videos on some of the sites. This one I'm referring to was actually a Super Bowl commercial and you may have seen it there. Watch this one from the EQ standpoint. If youo're working with a bunch of monkeys, how do you handle the emotional side of it (while getting coaching and looking for a new job)? Emotions are contagious, among human beings, and also mammals (like monkeys). If you work in a business culture where everyone thinks things are funny that you don't, you are going to be uncomfortable. You can work to orient your emotions more with those of the others, if you want to; or look for a "tribe" more to your liking.

    It's all about EQ. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching. We do career, relationships, transitions, EQ, Dating over 50, and more.

    Love in Your Work, Lovin' Your Work

    One picture is worth a thousand words. You know that concept of having a passion about your work? Check out this website. This man's spirit is in his work.

    P.S. There is a reason why my EQ Foundation Course encompasses art and poetry.