Tis the Season to be Jolly - Or is It?

TIS

THE

SEASON

TO

BE

JOLLY


How do you feel about that?

Know how some kids are just dear, sweet and happy and draw other people to them? And others ... do not? That trait is one of those cited in children who "survive" - sometimes surviving terrible things in childhood. They never give up and continue to reach out to other people. (See Al Siebert's research)

Malaysia is big on emotional intelligence. I have certified many coaches over there. One of the reasons for the enthusiasm is that they know about emotional intelligence because their national head of education has stated Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence" to be one of his 5 favorite books.

Well, there was a recent article in one of Malaysia's online newspapers called "The Star" which is entitled "Season for Cheer." One thing that makes this article, and its information so poignant is that it is written by a teacher for teachers. (And several of the coaches I certified in Malaysia are also teachers.) It is crucial because of the influence teachers have - on our children, our future.

From the article - and remember how I am always saying "emotions are contagious"?
Goleman also reveals that one of the most significant findings of recent times is that of “mirror neurons” which “track emotional flow, movement and even intentions of the person we are with and replicate this sensed state in our own brain”. (Please reread that one!!!)

In short, if you spend time with a happy person, you are likely to “catch” that happy feeling in yourself and express it.

If, on the other hands, you are unfortunate enough to be with someone who
is cold, negative, callous even hostile, you will get that way too.

The article says teachers can learn from this, but what about the rest of us? Our moods influence our spouses, our children, our parents, our grandparents, our colleagues at work -- anyone we are around.

To continue:

[If your child gets a sulky teacher] take note of researcher Gregg Easterbrook who says that "it requires real effort to achieve a happy and positive outlook on life, and most people don't make [the effort]." He adds, "While we have been handed the keys to happiness, many people cling to gloomy ways out of habit."

Even more compelling is the research of Minnesota's David Lykken who determined that "happiness is 50% genetic." [If you want more on this, email me for white paper.]

So what do you do if you tend to be sad, morose, moody, even depressed (what the Ancients used to call melancholic. (Or if your partner, child, parent, etc. is.) Well, of course you can stay that way. And likely drive away other people and set yourself on an illness spiral toward a shorter (and certainly miserable) life, because Goleman gives research evidence in "Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships," that the people who live longest have "rich personal networks," i.e., those who are "married, have close family and friends and are active in social and religious groups."

Two other rigorous researchers have confirmed the same. Seligman who stresses the positive attitude, and Al Siebert who studied survivors and defined their personalities in his book "Survivor Personality." I think Seligman did the research (as so many do), to teach himself how to be positive and happy despite some difficult events in his life. (Remember, always remember, that it takes effort.)

Heck, it's almost common kowledge now how bad isolation (meaning EMOTIONAL isolation) is for our health.

That having been said, the article concludes, again talking about teachers (and consider the influence they have on our children ) but apply this to yourself, and others:

It therefore follows that, if a teacher chooses to be a gloomy person, attribute 50% of it to genetics and the other 50% to the fact that she [or he] is not trying hard enough to change her ways.

And yes - emotional intelligence can be learned. I have been the catalyst for it many times.

So for this Christmas (holiday) season, what's it gonna be? Scrooge or Father Christmas? Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug? Moping and withdrawing, or getting out there and enjoying some of it? Lamenting what's gone and what you don't have, or celebrating what you do have?

Remember the EQ competency of intentionality: How do you intend to BE this Christmas? How do you intend to FEEL? Do you intend to he HAPPY or to be SAD/HOSTILE. As you know, this is not a given. It is a CHOICE.

While writing this, I received a distressed call from a male client whose girl friend just broke up with. He had seen her getting worse as the holidays progress, depressed and spending time in bed. It's been building up anyway - she doesn't speak to one of her kids, she lives alone and won't get out ... which leaves you pretty much to think sad thoughts in your head.

I think that's sad. It's doubly sad. I'd like to see the client with someone who makes the effort to move forward and be "Happy" - because it's catching -- but I'm sure that will be a time coming. It is so sad the break up at Christmas. What kind of a person does that?

I'll let you connect the dots.

Because if you wanted to look at it this way - how can we "be happy" right now with war, worldwide economic disaster, abused children, battered women, your cousin lost his job, you're single at Christmas, you don't have money for gift ...

This photo is making the rounds in a Christmas email. I do not know to whom to attribute it. If you object to its presense, EMAIL ME and it will be immediately removed.

Are You a Tired Christmas Angel?

ARE YOU A TIRED CHRISTMAS ANGEL?

I was talking to a woman today who told me she'd decided to break up with her boyfriend and was going to call him right away and tell him. My advice - - I wouldn't make any decision or do anything from now until after Christmas, because of the emotional energy.

We're all either:

--frazzled or numb;

--frantically busy or have given up and are sitting and staring;

--overjoyed or overgrieved;

--eating everything in sight, or refusing to eat anything in a desperate attempt to stem the tide;

--being Father Christmas, or Scrooge;

--hemorrhaging money or have put a tourniquet on it and won't spend a cent;

--working overtime (churches, therapists, physicians, jewelers and retailers, airport personnel, florists) or have nothing to do (most attorneys, dentists, weight loss clinics, car dealers, and those who do elective surgery);

--sick, or taking care of someone who's sick;

--feel like you have "too many" people in your life, or like you're "totally alone"

In other words, it's the rare person who's coasting along and "balanced". The majority of us are a bit strung out and it's no time to decide whether to marry him or not, or what to do about your career or your mother-in-law.

As one wise and over-worked young man told me, "I have planned a Christmas guaranteed to please no one," when in fact, like most of us, he was pleasing some people some of the time, including himself, and ... doing the best he can under the circumstances.

We are all doing the best we can under the circumstances, even when we clearly are not.

Most of us in the US are also coping with a rising level of dissension ee: "Christmas" and "the holidays" that makes whatever this season is to you far from the "peace and joy" it's supposed to be, which is sad.

And, it's that time of year when you long for home, even when you're home ... if you know what I mean. Just a very emotional time - - whether you're dealing with it by expressing it or stuffing it down and trying to ignore it (in which case you're likely to get a big backlash!)

So, please take a moment to relax, breathe deeply, and enjoy something just for you -- a massage, a warm bath, or maybe a beautiful piece of music.

Music can be wonderfully therapeutic with many proven health benefits. Music goes straight to the pleasure center, and for many people is the truest form of joy and relaxation.

It's equally important to guard your health. Please bolster your immune system against the ravages of December, January and February, which brings flu, viruses, bacterial infections such as pneumonia, SAD - - seasonal affective disorder and depression. We eat wrong, do too much, stress out, try and fend off allergies, don't get enough sunlight, forget to exercise and miss our outdoor sports (in the northern hemisphere), and are around other people and their germs!

(Did you know that the telephone in your office, or your desk or anyone else's, has more germs per sq. inch than the toilet in the office restroom??) (cite: Clorox study)

Products such as Arbonne's DefenseBuilder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement, scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system, are essential. Particularly important if you're vulnerable - old, young, chronically ill, depressed, stressed, or around sick people.

Your immune system is your FIRST line of defense against bacteria, and your ONLY line of defense against viruses, like flu and bird flu. Ask your doctor.

Get your rest, tired angel, and where others are concerned, step lightly!

Consider taking The EQ Course. The EQ Course also makes a wonderful gift for a friend, colleague or loved on.

About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . Individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks, EQ Alive! program for your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. Coach training and certification program, training coaches worldwide - fast, effective affordable program with no residency requirement. Now you can shop with Susan online at My Arbonne for neutraceuticals that bolster your immune system and support your wellness. "What you put on your skin gets absorbed into your bloodstream".