Doctors Need More Emotional Intelligence in New Healthcare System

DOCTORS IN NEED OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AS PREVENTABLE DEATHS INCREASE, AND MEDICINE BECOMES A TEAM SPORT.
So says an article in the NY Times entitled, "New for Aspiring Doctors, the People Skills Test," By GARDINER HARRIS

Here are some quotes from the article:

Doctors save lives, but they can sometimes be insufferable know-it-alls who bully nurses and do not listen to patients. Medical schools have traditionally done little to screen out such flawed applicants or to train them to behave better, but that is changing.

and

A pleasant bedside manner and an attentive ear have always been desirable traits in doctors, of course, but two trends have led school administrators to make the hunt for these qualities a priority. The first is a growing catalog of studies that pin the blame for an appalling share of preventable deaths on poor communication among doctors, patients and nurses that often results because some doctors, while technically competent, are socially inept.

and

“When I entered medical school, it was all about being an individual expert,” said Dr. Darrell G. Kirch, the president and chief executive of the Association of American Medical Colleges. “Now it’s all about applying that expertise to team-based patient care.”

To read the entire article, go here.

Processing the Holidays

It's mid-January, the holidays have settled in the dust, and it's a good time to process what went on.

This article by Susan Dunn is called "Dysfunctional Family Christmas"

DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS?

The articles are starting to appear in print and on the Internet about how to cope with the holiday family get-togethers and the word 'dysfunctional' will be bandied about.

This article is about another way of looking at things I hope will be helpful. 'Dysfunction' refers to something that doesn't function the way it should; something that doesn't do what it's supposed to. 'Dys' means 'bad' or 'difficult.'

Now, unless you're a flaming extravert with a staff of 10 to help you, it may well be 'difficult.' Whether it will be 'bad' is another matter.

Thank heavens for Positive Psychology! Barring extremes, why not assume your holiday is functioning normally, that is, like everyone else's ' it isn't perfect, but it's functioning just fine.

How so? The reason we talk about 'peace on earth, goodwill to men' at Christmas is because it's an ideal. We pray for it because it exists so rarely, in brief moments only, or maybe a state of the heart. It's the song the angels sing.

Let's put a new spin on this by looking at the function of a family. The function of a family is to nurture, but it's also about learning to relate and deal with emotions. It's about imperfect you learning how to co-exist with imperfect others in an imperfect world, and it's the proving ground for getting out into the real world. It's where we learn many life lessons.

Some of them are what to do when we don't get what we want, how to fight and make up, how to share and how to get our share, how to comfort or soothe someone else or ourselves, what to do when other people are angry or when we are, and how to keep loving someone when we really don't like what they're doing. In other words how to deal with the ins and outs of interpersonal relating with resilience.

And what better place to experience this than at the family get-together? It will all be there. It always is.

The only totally calm, uneventful Christmas I participated in, where there were no tiffs and sputters and frustrations, everyone was numbed from a recent tragedy and simply going through the motions. We could've been in bed asleep, except we were sitting up, walking around, and talking. No one had the energy for either joy or anger. Perspective did not allow us to be upset that year that the gravy was lumpy.

Emotions are energy. They're part of life. The only thing worse than the ones we don't like, would be having none at all.

But even that was a functional celebration. Grief-stricken, we were together for support, and we were doing what we could about Christmas, which seemed an ugly charade, and some of them will. It worked. It won't be featured on the front cover of 'Saturday Evening Post,' painted by Norman Rockwell, but it will remain painted in our hearts.

Positive psychology refuses to focus on what's wrong; it looks at what's right, strong, and going well. If your family is together and your sister and brother are fighting again, well didn't they always? Isn't that what siblings do? Surely they have the sense to temper it a little in light of the occasion, but if they don't, ignore it, send them outside with the dogs, use your sense of humor and EQ, and get on with your own celebration.

If you start your Christmas get-together saying, 'It's Christmas, couldn't we all just get along for an hour or two? And Mother, will you please stop crying?' think about what you're requiring. Is your household one in which it's implicit that certain emotions are not welcome (anger, disappointment, fear, sorrow)?

Of course no one in their right mind would begin by saying, 'Okay, everybody fight! Get ready, get set, Go!' But toy with that notion for a moment. What do you think would happen if you did? By welcoming it, you take away its power. Even if you said this to two preschoolers, they'd probably giggle.

It's traditional in my family that the kids are always sick at Christmas. We live in South Texas; it's allergy time. However, it has traveled with us as well! This is the one thing we can count on. It's also traditional that some of us are tired and overwrought, and the more highstrung ones will be decompensating. Some of the kids are this way too.

I remember one Christmas when I was a kid when my folks just suddenly brought the whole thing to a halt and put us all to bed for a nap. That's sensible!

There are other 'traditions' I won't go into, but let's just say people don't leave their regular personalities at home when they venture out at Christmas time.

It may be the tradition in your household that Granny will complain about the commercialism of Christmas (she always does), Uncle Fred and Aunt Mary won't be talking to one another (they never do), and Candee will be dressed inappropriately (just to embarrass her parents). Is the further tradition that you worry about these things or in some way try to prevent them happening? That might be one tradition you'd like to change this year. You might as well try and stop the tide, and you'll only make yourself miserable about being miserable.

You could also rid your mind of the 'nevers' and 'always.' People do surprise us. It has been said 'you can't go home again' because things change. It won't be there when you get there. Maybe this year Granny will have made her peace with commercialism. Ya never know.

Am I talking about extreme circumstances and crises? They can happen too. In our minds Christmas Day is something special, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a day when things that happen on any day can happen. I know several people who, sadly, had a relative die on Christmas Day, one even right at the dinner table.

The only thing you can control ' better to say 'manage' ' is your response to things that happen. You can't control what happens.

If things are really bad, you know it, and you need to do something about it, and I hope you will. Get therapy, prescribe therapy, don't show up, go with your loving partner on a cruise, or don't invite the cousin who needs to be in rehab and tell him why and pray for him.

But if it's like it is for most of us, somewhat unpredictable and nutty enough to be real, I hope you have a great, albeit imperfect Christmas, and keep your expectations flexible and low and your emotional intelligence high.

I'm thinking of the first Christmas after my son died. 'Have a Christmas,' one of my sensitive friends told me. I did. You can too.

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professional development. Relationships, career, emotional intelligence, transitions. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ ezine. Become a certified EQ coach. Email for info.

Otello, a story of emotional intelligence gone bad

Susan Dunn the EQ Coach talks about Otello (Othello) the story of emotional intelligence gone bad



Is one of your New Year's resolutions to improve your emotional intelligence? If so, please let me help you. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to learn about the numerous products, services, programs and tools I offer, along with personal coaching.

here is Niun Mi Tema, Verdi, from the opera Otello

Emotional Intelligence, Marriage and Your health

10 Questions to Ask When You're Considering Marrying Someone from the EQ Coach, Susan Dunn

Traditions are What Give our Life Stability

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach

SPRING IS COMING. EASTER IS COMING.

I think of my Mom's potato salad, dying eggs with my children, the years our bird dog spent all Easter morning 'pointing' the eggs we'd hidden Al fresco brunches with fresh strawberry crepes which later gave way to dining room formalities of lamb roast with mint jelly, and fresh asparagus, then evolving back to ham, potato salad and deviled eggs, like my Mom. The years my sons and I celebrated in the Florida Keys, now celebrating with my son's in-laws, grilling out in the back yard. Religious services, spring bonnets, orchid corsages and Easter lilies. Customs particular to South Texas ' bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes along the highway, cascarones and Fiesta, and finally, PEEPS®!

TRADITIONS

Traditions are what give our life stability and meaning and keep us in the rhythm of life. They give us something to look forward to, something to count on, and something to change when we want to, move, or add new family members! Traditions can always be changed or re-created. In fact, many of our transitions in life involve redoing traditions. EASTER/SPRING

Some of us will celebrate Easter as a religious holiday, others as a secular celebration. It's simply in our blood to rejoice in the springtime. Easter began when the ancient Saxons celebrated the return of spring with a festival in honor of Eastre, their goddess of fertility and spring. Her symbol was the rabbit! It's the custom in most cultures to celebrate the vernal equinox with various symbols of fertility and rebirth, such as rabbits and eggs!

Easter is the first Sunday following the first full moon, which falls on or after the vernal equinox, March 21st. There it falls between March 22nd and April 25th.

CASCARONES?

Is it (a) a waterfall in Northern Mexico, (b)a rare species of Easter orchid, (c)a large South American rodent, or (d) none of the above.

The answer is d.

Cascarones are hollowed-out eggshells filled with confetti. The tradition in the Southwest and Mexico is to crack them over your friends' heads, and the person with the most confetti in their hair is the most loved!

Check out this great cascarones tutorial: http://www.epicurious.com/e_eating/e04_easter/cooking_class.html .

Each year in April, San Antonio puts on FIESTA, which sometimes coincides with Easter ' weeks of festivities. Roadside vendors, grocery stores and upscale boutique sell cascarones. I used to mail them to my son when he was in college in Seattle, and wondered what the Washingtonians would think.

It's believed Marco Polo brought them to Mexico. You can order yours here, just $5.50: http://www.latinworksco.com/cascarones.html .

EASTER LILIES

The Easter Lily originated in Japan, but today, 95% of the bulbs used for the potted Easter Lilies we give, and receive, come from 10 farms along the California/Oregon border. They're grown in various other places, including Michigan. Did you know growers can count the leaves to determine when the plants will flower? Is there anything more fragrant?

CHOCOLATE

I eagerly await the annual spring ballotin from Lady Godiva: http://www.godiva.com/welcome.asp . Is the chocolate bunny more your speed? http://www.chocolatevault.com/easterbunworks.htm has chocolate bunnies, lambs, crosses, hens, roosters, loloes, Easter cards, you name it!

PEEPS® 50 Years of Divine Madness

Some year along the way, 'Peeps®' became a part of our Easter tradition. They're aren't in the house, we don't eat them, but they're v. much a part of the experience. And this year it's the 50th anniversary of Peeps®.

The 'San Francisco Chronicle' noted that over 600 million of these little marshmallow things will be produced, riding on a wave of 'kitsch and nostalgia drawn from two influential demographic pools.'

True in my household! I, the Baby Boomer, include them in baskets because that's what my parents did; my son, the Generation Xer, joins his peers in investigating all that a Peep® is, and all a Peep® can be.

Among the many mouth-watering recipes for Peeps® is Blue Peep® Pie which calls for blue gelatin, Caracao, and 15 blue Peeps®. 'Snip apart each family of Peeps®,' it says. 'Arrange in concentric circles atop pie filling. Use fresh blueberries to fill in gaps between Peeps®.' Full recipe is here: http://recipes.alastra.com/holidays/blue-peep-pie.txt . WHAT CAN YOU DO BESIDES EAT A PEEP®?

'I'm glad I'm not the only one who's tried toasting peep!' writes a list member of Gail's Recipe Swap Archive. 'I recently toasted some over a gas stove burner and got pretty good results. The key is to blow them out immediately when they catch on fire''

'Creative alternative uses' are listed on http://www.epicurious.com : 'Pre-Easter fresh Peeps® can be moistened in punch cups and then used around the kitchen window as cheery caulking. You can color coordinate this with your kitchen.'

Eat your heart out, Martha!

Various forms of Peeps® abuse also take place and are noted on the Internet: April Showers is here: http://www.marks.networktel.net/main.html .

Gen Xers may be seeking a Peeps® screensaver: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/about/screensaver.html or to send a Peeps ® ecard: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/about/screensaver.html .

Created by Just Born, Inc., they've been joined by Peeps® Marshmallow Jelly Beans. You'll understand the 'creative alternative uses' for Peeps®' when I report that tasters at epicurious.com 'found the marshmallow-fruit combo overwhelmingly sweet. Comparisons were made to Pledge® wood cleaner, bad bubble gum, and lavender soap.'

Wait a minute. Does that mean someone knows what Pledge® wood cleaner tastes like?

NOW VISITING A LOCATION NEAR YOU: The Peep® Fun Bus

It's coming to San Antonio, April 14-20! To find out when it's coming your way, go here: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/50_anniversary/fun_bus.html , or call the hotline: 1-866-270-9638. You can even request it for your special event or festival.

Heck, that's worth creating a festival for!

Q&A

Q: What do you have to do to get a year's supply of Peeps®? A: Win the Easter basket contest: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/50_anniversary/contest.html

Q: What's a 'year's supply' of Peeps®? A: 365 packages.

Q: What do the contest losers get? A: 2 years' supply of Peeps. j.k.

WHAT TO SERVE ALONG WITH YOUR PEEPS® FOR EASTER DINNER?

Will it be ham or lamb? Go here to cast your vote: http://epi.advance.net/forums/hamorlamb/ In south Texas, it's customary to cook out. The parks are full. Not having done this myself, I don't know for sure, but I think neither ham NOR lamb is involved.

I think I'll revert to haute cuisine this year. Rack of Lamb with Spinach Pine-Cut Crust and Minted pea Sauce, Hibiscus-Marinated Leg of Lamb (featuring dried nontoxic and organic hibiscus flowers, Red Zinger tea, garlic, olive oil, red current jelly), Lavender Crème-Caramel Tart, Asparagus Napoleons with Oriental Black Bean Sauce, Hot Cross Buns ' ahhh '. sounds well worth the effort to me. Visit: http://www.epicurious.com/e_eating/e04_easter/eastermenu.html for the menus. Or you may wish to have a Vegan Easter. Go here http://www.veganfamily.co.uk/easter.html#uk and you'll hear 'Easter Parade' playing.

EASTER BONNET

·Get your brightly colored Panama hat here, http://www.latinworksco.com/decolores.html

·Recipe for Easter bonnet cookies here, http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/special/feature/famf0401boncook/f amf0401boncook.html

·Attend the Easter Bonnet Rod Run, Oak Ridge Tennessee, http://www.easterbonnetrodrun.com/, 'Ladies bring your finest Easter bonnet, and Men, dress up your bonnet on your car' ·Attend the Annual Easter Bonnet and Hat Parade in San Diego, http://www.softops.org/easter.html

YES, HERE COMES PETER COTTONTAIL --

And last, but not least, the songs from our childhood. 'Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail, hippity hoppin', Easter's on its way. He's got jelly beans for Tommy, colored eggs for sister Sue, There's an orchid for your mommy, and an Easter bonnet too.

Originally sung by Gene Autry ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00003W8B9/susandunnmome-2 0 ) and you can listen to it here: http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GReaster2.htm . SPRING CLEANING

Surely this is a time to spring clean ' your house, car, office, garden, mind, and spirit! Get the weeds out, turn the soil, add some fertilizer, water and sunshine, plants seeds, prepare for blossoms. Rebirth yourself ' come back to life!

About the author: EQ Coach', licensed Accountability Coach'. Emotional intelligence coaching, Internet courses, EQ assessments, business EQ culture programs, products available for licensing, training for EQ coaches. www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. Affiliates in UK, Australia, Malaysia. Ofrece coaching personal y cursos de Internet sobre inteligencia emotional (EQ). Se habla espanol.

But how can I USE emotional intelligence?

But How Can I USE Emotional Intelligence?
I'm sure you're hearing the term Emotional Intelligence. It's being talked about a lot these days. For most people there's an immediate 'click'. We recognize it as the missing piece!

It's like that cartoon of the girl saying, 'Oh, I knew I forgot something. My career!' Well, in this case, we become aware that someone, somewhere along the line forgot to tell us how to be smart about our emotions. At least in words we could understand!

But then again are you or are you not 'smart' about your emotions? You see we don't even know how to assess how we are with our emotions. It simply hasn't been talked about it ways that makes sense and would allow us to use the information we receive.

If someone says, 'You're too reactive,' what does that mean? In relation to what or to whom? And aren't they usually talking more about themselves? Usually they mean 'You're more reactive than I am' or 'You're more reactive than I'd like you to be.' They may be the kind of person who could have a firecracker go off next to them and not 'react,' but what does that mean in relation to their ability to function and relate? Not much!

And then the next day you'll have a pounding headache, or have been up all night with the baby, and fail to respond immediately to a comment someone makes and they'll say, 'Why don't you respond? You just sit there.'

One standard would certainly be how well things are going for you at work and at home, because our EQ is more important to our happiness, success and health than our IQ.

POSITIVE FEEDBACK LOOP

The people I've worked with in Emotional Intelligence take to it immediately. There are immediate applications to their life they try, and the results are positive, so there's an excellent and immediate feedback loop that keeps you motivated and improving.

One of the best things about it is that you learn the tools, and then the applications are all around you. No matter what situation you're in, or what circumstance, increasing your Emotional Intelligence skills will help. You'll become more aware of what's going on around you ' the things you couldn't quit 'grasp' before. You'll also become far more knowledgeable about what's going on with other people, and isn't that always the most difficult thing to figure out?

COMPETENCY EXAMPLE

Here's is an example. One of the Emotional Intelligence competencies is emotional expression. It's important to understand that 90% or more of any person's emotional expression takes place nonverbally. That means ' ta da ' you need to increase your skills in being able to notice and INTERPRET nonverbal behavior. This means the expression on the person's face, how they sit, how they walk, their tone of voice, their silences, and other important 'cues' as to how they're feeling.

Why is this important? They may be telling you how they think, but how they feel is what's going to influence what action they take, whether they buy the product, whether they hire you, or whether they marry you.

AT-WORK APPLICATION

If you are charged with motivating others, you must be able to communicate well, and you must be able to read their nonverbal communication. Motivation is a feelings thing, not a thinking thing. If you can connect with what's important to the person you're dealing with, or connect everyone to an idea or mission they can feel strongly about, you will have your motivation.

At the same time, you need to be able to read the level of the 'buy in' from the other person. They may say they're going to do the project, call the person, raise the annual fund 100%, buy your product, or give you a promotion 'some day,' but, since 90% of most communication is nonverbal 'wouldn't it be better if you have studied Emotional Intelligence?

AT-HOME APPLICATION

Our work is important to us, but our home is where we live. If your relationships at home aren't going well, nothing at work will matter. And the sad thing is, most of the time if you aren't get along at one place, you aren't at the other. Why? Because we don't leave 'ourselves' behind when we leave for work in the morning.

This is not to say the applications are the same ' because an intimate relationship is different from a work relationship, but only in some areas. Increasing your intimacy and parenting skills is part of emotional intelligence. Couples who communicate better have better marriages, and one of the best things you can give your children is knowledge of Emotional Intelligence and good modeling of emotionally intelligent behavior.

MULTICULTURAL APPLICATION

Walk in any office today, or any family gathering, and you are going to have people from different cultures, yes? This means you can no longer predict how people are going to behave. In one culture, you show up on the hour. In another culture, you show up 15 minutes late. In still another, it's an hour late. These cultural differences affect our daily lives more all the time, and strong Emotional Intelligence skills are required in order to manage them.

BEING IN THE KNOW

As more people learn about Emotional Intelligence, it's going to be important that you stay in the loop. Get in early. It's the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

HOW TO LEARN EQ?

One of the most important things to understand about Emotional Intelligence is that, unlike some other life skills, it can't be learned ONLY be reading. There are Internet courses you can take, and books and ebooks you can read, but you need to work with someone such as a certified Emotional Intelligence coach who can guide the learning process.

It's difficult to change something you can't see clearly ' and we don't see ourselves as others see us!

Yes, time usually brings improvements in the area of Emotional Intelligence, but you can greatly accelerate the learning curve, with great benefits to your life.

HOW TO BEGIN?

Taking an EQ assessment is a logical starting point - http:/ inyurl.com/z94t . Don't be surprised to see that you're better at some competencies than others. The ones you are lower in can be raised, because EQ can be learned!

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I offer coaching, distance learning, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. Transition, career and relationship coaching. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.

the island of emotion, sesame street

Sesame Street, The Island of Emotion

Are You a Tired Christmas Angel?

ARE YOU A TIRED CHRISTMAS ANGEL?

I was talking to a woman today who told me she'd decided to break up with her boyfriend and was going to call him right away and tell him. My advice - - I wouldn't make any decision or do anything from now until after Christmas, because of the emotional energy.

We're all either:

--frazzled or numb;

--frantically busy or have given up and are sitting and staring;

--overjoyed or overgrieved;

--eating everything in sight, or refusing to eat anything in a desperate attempt to stem the tide;

--being Father Christmas, or Scrooge;

--hemorrhaging money or have put a tourniquet on it and won't spend a cent;

--working overtime (churches, therapists, physicians, jewelers and retailers, airport personnel, florists) or have nothing to do (most attorneys, dentists, weight loss clinics, car dealers, and those who do elective surgery);

--sick, or taking care of someone who's sick;

--feel like you have "too many" people in your life, or like you're "totally alone"

In other words, it's the rare person who's coasting along and "balanced". The majority of us are a bit strung out and it's no time to decide whether to marry him or not, or what to do about your career or your mother-in-law.

As one wise and over-worked young man told me, "I have planned a Christmas guaranteed to please no one," when in fact, like most of us, he was pleasing some people some of the time, including himself, and ... doing the best he can under the circumstances.

We are all doing the best we can under the circumstances, even when we clearly are not.

Most of us in the US are also coping with a rising level of dissension ee: "Christmas" and "the holidays" that makes whatever this season is to you far from the "peace and joy" it's supposed to be, which is sad.

And, it's that time of year when you long for home, even when you're home ... if you know what I mean. Just a very emotional time - - whether you're dealing with it by expressing it or stuffing it down and trying to ignore it (in which case you're likely to get a big backlash!)

So, please take a moment to relax, breathe deeply, and enjoy something just for you -- a massage, a warm bath, or maybe a beautiful piece of music.

Music can be wonderfully therapeutic with many proven health benefits. Music goes straight to the pleasure center, and for many people is the truest form of joy and relaxation.

It's equally important to guard your health. Please bolster your immune system against the ravages of December, January and February, which brings flu, viruses, bacterial infections such as pneumonia, SAD - - seasonal affective disorder and depression. We eat wrong, do too much, stress out, try and fend off allergies, don't get enough sunlight, forget to exercise and miss our outdoor sports (in the northern hemisphere), and are around other people and their germs!

(Did you know that the telephone in your office, or your desk or anyone else's, has more germs per sq. inch than the toilet in the office restroom??) (cite: Clorox study)

Products such as Arbonne's DefenseBuilder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement, scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system, are essential. Particularly important if you're vulnerable - old, young, chronically ill, depressed, stressed, or around sick people.

Your immune system is your FIRST line of defense against bacteria, and your ONLY line of defense against viruses, like flu and bird flu. Ask your doctor.

Get your rest, tired angel, and where others are concerned, step lightly!

Consider taking The EQ Course. The EQ Course also makes a wonderful gift for a friend, colleague or loved on.

About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . Individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks, EQ Alive! program for your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. Coach training and certification program, training coaches worldwide - fast, effective affordable program with no residency requirement. Now you can shop with Susan online at My Arbonne for neutraceuticals that bolster your immune system and support your wellness. "What you put on your skin gets absorbed into your bloodstream".

The stock market and the media

Picking up the paper at the corner store this morning, a man and I stared at the sensationalistic headlines again.

I said, "I wish they wouldn't report it this way."

He said, "Perception."

On that note, watch your emotional reaction to the falling stock market and economic crisis. Notice what pulls it. Notice how you react and manage it.

If you want to learn more about your emotional intelligence, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

"...the common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect."----Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc


"One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques--especially to mosques."-----Mark Twain

Emotional Intelligence ... when there isn't much around you

THE PRESENCE OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Well, it's that time of year again. Many people are feeling very low right now. Low energy, low spirits. In the northern hemisphere, gray skies, SAD, seasonal affective disorder, the winter blues, the after-Christmas blues ... and Valentine's Day looming on the horizon. (Incidentally, I've written a lot about Valentine's - it's really more apt to elicit hostility, and it's a very 'emotional' time for everyone.

For the more resilient, it's just a time to hibernate. Introverts do better at this. Read a good book, listen to music, sleep, nap, rest, get massages, go to the spa. It's not the greatest time for "people."

For the extraverts, it's harder. They need people to bring them up, and finding people who are 'up' right now isn't that easy.

So what do you do? As always, goes with it, don't fight it. Then it will flow on through. Be how you are. It will change. That you can count on!

Practice the components of emotional intelligence. One of them is empathy - and that means reading the global temperature as well. If everyone who's called you on the phone has been crabby, guess what? (It isn't you!)

If no one you've encountered has anything more than a plastic smile right now, quit looking outside, and go inside. Do something you enjoy.

If you've been pecking around the office looking for someone to perk you up, and haven't found any, just get busy doing something you enjoy. You are more likely right now to run into negative and depressed people. Surround yourself with things you enjoy. Kids are great too. They are always ready to play.

If you are one of the ones with sunshine to share, by all means do! At last avoid getting into those downwardly spirallyin conversations where we start sharing all the negatives. Think of something positive to say -- and say it!

Be kinder than you need to be.

Remember too, the benefits of gratitude. Like the woman below, there's always something to be grateful for. Find it...and share it.

Call for a coaching pep-talk. That's one of the roles I fill for clients.

MAKING THE EMAIL ROUNDS

Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?"

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today?"

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly.......

Thanks to Julie for this one ... who is fighting some battles of her own.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

CAN MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?

In studying resilience and the sweet uses of adversity, and listening to coaching clients, I discover the same things over and over again. After a given point in time, the person acknowledges that a lot of good things have come from their adversities.

Mind you it isnt a guarantee that youll reach this resolution, but many people do end up being not only what they call better people, but also happier by their self-report and by my observations.

There's an interesting study done by Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts. He compares the well-being of lottery winners versus people who had become suddenly paralyzed.

The results of the study were that after the initial high was over for the lottery winners, they were no happier than the accident victims.

Read the rest of the article HERE.

______________________Low energy?

DEPRESSION ALERT

We are approaching "the most depressing day of the year." January 20th. It's the culmination of a number of things, including grey skies, bad weather, no vacation in site, budget problems, holiday aftermath ...

Be prepared. Take THE EQ COURSE. Call 817-734-1471 for coaching.

_________________

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Volga Boatmen - Is that your job?

VOLGA BOATMEN

"Burlaks on the Volga River", this magnificent painting of Czarist Russian, is now in the public doman. Click HERE to see the painting enlarged.


You may also be familiar with the Russian folk song, "The Volga Boatmen."

The lyrics to the refrain are:
Mighty stream so deep and wide
Volga Volga you’re our pride
Heave ho, heave ho



You can hear "The Volga Boatman" here from an old Nelson Eddy movie:



Now take another look at the painting, please. This is an exercise I use in my Emotional Intelligence course, incidentally, and in seminars. In it we see a team at work, doing manual labor. You can probably identify some of the people in the painting. Who is the young golden boy? The one at the rear who seems about to collapse? The leader in the front, old, but apparently doing fine? Which one is you?

Now, on a blog entitled "Volga Boatman," a member of the clergy writes:

"Thinking about liturgical music, the Volga boatmen came to mind. Somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind is an image of men on a towpath, dragging a boat through a canal, accompanied by 'Yo, heave, ho.' And there are times when I feel like one of the guys on the rope line. Dragging the congregation through a Mass, dragging a choir through a new hymn or setting. But those are nothing compared to the way it's going to feel when we try to move forward from what many refer to as 'the four-hymn Mass' to 'ritual music.'

"Anyone who works in the church music world knows that after almost every Mass, someone comes up and tells you that she loves the music because it’s strong/tender/enlivening/
comforting/'real Catholic music'/up-to-date, etc.

That individual is followed by someone who hates it. It’s too loud/soft/fast/slow/traditional/
modern/hard-to-sing,etc.

[I used to be the Outreach Director for a church and greeted people as they came in the sanctuary. I would hear, "It's too hot in here/just right in here for once/freezing cold in here." Everyone should have this experience in order to understand what "leadership" is all about.]

However, that's not my point here. I have a few questions for you, actually.

1. Do you find it odd the clergyman didn't see himself as the man on the boat in the orange shirt? 2. Would there be anything 'wrong' if the leader were on the boat, not hauling?
3. What about if he were pitching in? He appears to see himself perhaps as the man in the front right. Dragging them forward.
4. If you were the man in the orange shirt directing this whole thing, would you feel guilty?
5. Did you even see the man on the boat in the orange shirt?

It's about the big picture:

• Not letting your emotions get in the way of your perceptions,
• About what you 'read into' a painting. We all do this. That's why there are paintings, and why we love them. (The great arts [culture] BTW, are an important component of emotional intelligence).
• The experiences you have had, and the emotions around them that you bring to apainting become your reality.
• Your beliefs and attitudes about labor, i.e., all work is slave labor and you are condemned to do it ... or think-work is lazy, manual labor is "honest labor"
• How much you identify with the people in a painting and why
• How much you know about Czarist Russian and if you can distance yourself to get intellectual; or, conversely, if you automatically intellectualize your emotions
• Your attitudes toward paintings - worthless nonsence, "not for me," "what's the purpose - why are you 'making' me look at a painting?"

Some people identify with the Volga boatmen, and immediately start talking about "slave labor." Others identify with the suffering in general (especially if they are familiar with this time period in Russia's history) and they usually fail to see the men on the boat, or to remember them. Some who are leaders see themselves as the man in the orange shirt, while others who are leaders see themselves as the man front left. Others might start fantasizing about never having to work. There are many reactions you can have.

One suggestion for the New Year, if you see yourself on your current job as one of the Volga boatmen - slave labor, and heave ho, heave ho - it may be time for a new job?

Call me for coaching: 817.734.1471.