Emotional Intelligence better predictor of success in life than high grades in high school

The Huffington Post has an interesting new article about emotional intelligence. You can read it here.

A few quotes:

"School is a place where former A students teach mostly B students to work for C students."

High school grades were never designed to assess the qualities that make you a success in the working world -- like single-minded drive, creativity, and the ability to read people accurately.

Over the last decade, [psychologist James] Parker has been testing first-year students at Trent [University] for social and emotional intelligence, qualities such as understanding of themselves and of others, plus the ability to adapt and manage stress.

So what was the difference between A students and the ones who struggled or even dropped out? It was emotional intelligence, especially the ability to adapt and manage stress.

If you'd like to increase you emotional intelligence (EQ) or learn how to teach others how to increase theirs, by being a certified EQ Coach, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers a long-distance, Internet program to train and certify emotional intelligence (EQ) coaches. The course is based on empirical data and research and consists of reading material on the Internet, email support and weekly phone calls. For more information contact Susan at sdunn@susandunn.cc or visit her on the web. Susan Dunn has trained and certified coaches all over the world in this highly effective, affordable program.

Traditions are What Give our Life Stability

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach

SPRING IS COMING. EASTER IS COMING.

I think of my Mom's potato salad, dying eggs with my children, the years our bird dog spent all Easter morning 'pointing' the eggs we'd hidden Al fresco brunches with fresh strawberry crepes which later gave way to dining room formalities of lamb roast with mint jelly, and fresh asparagus, then evolving back to ham, potato salad and deviled eggs, like my Mom. The years my sons and I celebrated in the Florida Keys, now celebrating with my son's in-laws, grilling out in the back yard. Religious services, spring bonnets, orchid corsages and Easter lilies. Customs particular to South Texas ' bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes along the highway, cascarones and Fiesta, and finally, PEEPS®!

TRADITIONS

Traditions are what give our life stability and meaning and keep us in the rhythm of life. They give us something to look forward to, something to count on, and something to change when we want to, move, or add new family members! Traditions can always be changed or re-created. In fact, many of our transitions in life involve redoing traditions. EASTER/SPRING

Some of us will celebrate Easter as a religious holiday, others as a secular celebration. It's simply in our blood to rejoice in the springtime. Easter began when the ancient Saxons celebrated the return of spring with a festival in honor of Eastre, their goddess of fertility and spring. Her symbol was the rabbit! It's the custom in most cultures to celebrate the vernal equinox with various symbols of fertility and rebirth, such as rabbits and eggs!

Easter is the first Sunday following the first full moon, which falls on or after the vernal equinox, March 21st. There it falls between March 22nd and April 25th.

CASCARONES?

Is it (a) a waterfall in Northern Mexico, (b)a rare species of Easter orchid, (c)a large South American rodent, or (d) none of the above.

The answer is d.

Cascarones are hollowed-out eggshells filled with confetti. The tradition in the Southwest and Mexico is to crack them over your friends' heads, and the person with the most confetti in their hair is the most loved!

Check out this great cascarones tutorial: http://www.epicurious.com/e_eating/e04_easter/cooking_class.html .

Each year in April, San Antonio puts on FIESTA, which sometimes coincides with Easter ' weeks of festivities. Roadside vendors, grocery stores and upscale boutique sell cascarones. I used to mail them to my son when he was in college in Seattle, and wondered what the Washingtonians would think.

It's believed Marco Polo brought them to Mexico. You can order yours here, just $5.50: http://www.latinworksco.com/cascarones.html .

EASTER LILIES

The Easter Lily originated in Japan, but today, 95% of the bulbs used for the potted Easter Lilies we give, and receive, come from 10 farms along the California/Oregon border. They're grown in various other places, including Michigan. Did you know growers can count the leaves to determine when the plants will flower? Is there anything more fragrant?

CHOCOLATE

I eagerly await the annual spring ballotin from Lady Godiva: http://www.godiva.com/welcome.asp . Is the chocolate bunny more your speed? http://www.chocolatevault.com/easterbunworks.htm has chocolate bunnies, lambs, crosses, hens, roosters, loloes, Easter cards, you name it!

PEEPS® 50 Years of Divine Madness

Some year along the way, 'Peeps®' became a part of our Easter tradition. They're aren't in the house, we don't eat them, but they're v. much a part of the experience. And this year it's the 50th anniversary of Peeps®.

The 'San Francisco Chronicle' noted that over 600 million of these little marshmallow things will be produced, riding on a wave of 'kitsch and nostalgia drawn from two influential demographic pools.'

True in my household! I, the Baby Boomer, include them in baskets because that's what my parents did; my son, the Generation Xer, joins his peers in investigating all that a Peep® is, and all a Peep® can be.

Among the many mouth-watering recipes for Peeps® is Blue Peep® Pie which calls for blue gelatin, Caracao, and 15 blue Peeps®. 'Snip apart each family of Peeps®,' it says. 'Arrange in concentric circles atop pie filling. Use fresh blueberries to fill in gaps between Peeps®.' Full recipe is here: http://recipes.alastra.com/holidays/blue-peep-pie.txt . WHAT CAN YOU DO BESIDES EAT A PEEP®?

'I'm glad I'm not the only one who's tried toasting peep!' writes a list member of Gail's Recipe Swap Archive. 'I recently toasted some over a gas stove burner and got pretty good results. The key is to blow them out immediately when they catch on fire''

'Creative alternative uses' are listed on http://www.epicurious.com : 'Pre-Easter fresh Peeps® can be moistened in punch cups and then used around the kitchen window as cheery caulking. You can color coordinate this with your kitchen.'

Eat your heart out, Martha!

Various forms of Peeps® abuse also take place and are noted on the Internet: April Showers is here: http://www.marks.networktel.net/main.html .

Gen Xers may be seeking a Peeps® screensaver: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/about/screensaver.html or to send a Peeps ® ecard: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/about/screensaver.html .

Created by Just Born, Inc., they've been joined by Peeps® Marshmallow Jelly Beans. You'll understand the 'creative alternative uses' for Peeps®' when I report that tasters at epicurious.com 'found the marshmallow-fruit combo overwhelmingly sweet. Comparisons were made to Pledge® wood cleaner, bad bubble gum, and lavender soap.'

Wait a minute. Does that mean someone knows what Pledge® wood cleaner tastes like?

NOW VISITING A LOCATION NEAR YOU: The Peep® Fun Bus

It's coming to San Antonio, April 14-20! To find out when it's coming your way, go here: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/50_anniversary/fun_bus.html , or call the hotline: 1-866-270-9638. You can even request it for your special event or festival.

Heck, that's worth creating a festival for!

Q&A

Q: What do you have to do to get a year's supply of Peeps®? A: Win the Easter basket contest: http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/50_anniversary/contest.html

Q: What's a 'year's supply' of Peeps®? A: 365 packages.

Q: What do the contest losers get? A: 2 years' supply of Peeps. j.k.

WHAT TO SERVE ALONG WITH YOUR PEEPS® FOR EASTER DINNER?

Will it be ham or lamb? Go here to cast your vote: http://epi.advance.net/forums/hamorlamb/ In south Texas, it's customary to cook out. The parks are full. Not having done this myself, I don't know for sure, but I think neither ham NOR lamb is involved.

I think I'll revert to haute cuisine this year. Rack of Lamb with Spinach Pine-Cut Crust and Minted pea Sauce, Hibiscus-Marinated Leg of Lamb (featuring dried nontoxic and organic hibiscus flowers, Red Zinger tea, garlic, olive oil, red current jelly), Lavender Crème-Caramel Tart, Asparagus Napoleons with Oriental Black Bean Sauce, Hot Cross Buns ' ahhh '. sounds well worth the effort to me. Visit: http://www.epicurious.com/e_eating/e04_easter/eastermenu.html for the menus. Or you may wish to have a Vegan Easter. Go here http://www.veganfamily.co.uk/easter.html#uk and you'll hear 'Easter Parade' playing.

EASTER BONNET

·Get your brightly colored Panama hat here, http://www.latinworksco.com/decolores.html

·Recipe for Easter bonnet cookies here, http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/special/feature/famf0401boncook/f amf0401boncook.html

·Attend the Easter Bonnet Rod Run, Oak Ridge Tennessee, http://www.easterbonnetrodrun.com/, 'Ladies bring your finest Easter bonnet, and Men, dress up your bonnet on your car' ·Attend the Annual Easter Bonnet and Hat Parade in San Diego, http://www.softops.org/easter.html

YES, HERE COMES PETER COTTONTAIL --

And last, but not least, the songs from our childhood. 'Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail, hippity hoppin', Easter's on its way. He's got jelly beans for Tommy, colored eggs for sister Sue, There's an orchid for your mommy, and an Easter bonnet too.

Originally sung by Gene Autry ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00003W8B9/susandunnmome-2 0 ) and you can listen to it here: http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GReaster2.htm . SPRING CLEANING

Surely this is a time to spring clean ' your house, car, office, garden, mind, and spirit! Get the weeds out, turn the soil, add some fertilizer, water and sunshine, plants seeds, prepare for blossoms. Rebirth yourself ' come back to life!

About the author: EQ Coach', licensed Accountability Coach'. Emotional intelligence coaching, Internet courses, EQ assessments, business EQ culture programs, products available for licensing, training for EQ coaches. www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. Affiliates in UK, Australia, Malaysia. Ofrece coaching personal y cursos de Internet sobre inteligencia emotional (EQ). Se habla espanol.

10 Ways for Uniting Workers in the New Diverse Workplace

Never has it been more important in your organization to have a common language, and never has it been more elusive.

Today's office typically contains individuals from many different cultures, not just within the US, but from all over the world. People with different customs, beliefs, ways of thinking and different first-languages come together to work together, and the result can be confusion and misunderstanding.

'We need a common language,' a manager from a state education agency told me the other day on the phone. She was inquiring about an Emotional Intelligence program, correctly thinking it might be the 'new common language' for their agency. The old one, she said, something about 'Steps' had worn itself out. It is not easy understanding people from different cultures. It's not easy understand even on person! In the case of different cultures, we bring with us assumptions, stereotypes and generalizations which can get in the way of commonality.

Most of the time the technical vocabulary is understood, but other parts of communication are missed. Up to 90% of any communication is nonverbal, and gestures, postures, and expressions vary widely from one culture to another, as does intonation and phrasing.

It's easy to misunderstand another cultures expression of respect or warmth. When you meet someone new, the other person may be expecting a slight nod of the head, a quick handshake, a bow or a hug with a kiss on both cheeks. How are you to know?

I was working with a manager the other day who had a problem within the ranks. One of the employees was harassing some women, not all of them, or so the women were reporting, and it wasn't clear what was going on. When the manager called the employee in and got to the root of the problem, it turned out he assumed that women in marketing would not 'mind,' while the women in the other fields would. Where he got that idea wasn't clear, but people have their ideas.

We could substitute '

·Men don't mind ·Asian Americans don't mind ·Short people don't mind ·Presbyterians don't mind ·People who haven't finished college don't mind ·Southerners don't mind ·Rich people don't mind ·Irish people don't mind ·Hearing-impaired people don't mind

Generalities like this simply don't work.

In 'Beyond Race and Gender,' author R. Roosevelt Thomas defines managing diversity as 'a comprehensive managerial process for developing an environment that works for all employees.'

And 'all' employees are individuals, so there you have it.

There remains the need for a common language, and given the extreme diversity these days, Emotional Intelligence is an excellent tool. I have trained coaches from all over the world in EQ, and the concepts are understood by all. In fact there's interest in EQ all over the world.

Emotional Intelligence competencies include flexibility, intuition (good for reading nonverbal communication), resilience, interpersonal skills, communication and empathy. They are based on understanding one's own emotions and those of others, and managing your own and those of others for the best outcome. People from all cultures have the same emotions and want to be treated with respect. Emotional Intelligence can bring the common language and culture that is missing.

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I coach individuals in emotional intelligence, and offer EQ programs and cultures for businesses. Internet courses and ebooks available ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html ) for a total program of personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.

I love this video because I'm a coach - Toby Keith's HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW.

Combine this -- "How Do You Like Me Now" with the Forbes video (http://video.forbes.com/fvn/personalbest/toby-keith-lessons-in-success) where Toby Keith talks about his rise to fame.

TOBY KEITH MADE $52 million IN '08 ACCORDING TO FORBES.



POINTERS

He attributes his success to hard work
He mentions a teacher who identified his talent (that's what we coaches do!)
The importance of finding out what you do well -- and each of us does something well

If you're struggling with rejection, can't seem to find work that you're good at/enjoy, are stuck, just got dumped in an email by the man of your dreams who led you on, feel like everyone's ship is coming in except yours, ..let me coach you.

LET ME COACH YOU SO YOU CAN SAY 'HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?'

Losing Your Composure

Here it is again, in some advice about dating men. This is about the emotional intelligence competency of self-awareness.

Yes, it's bad enough to lose your composure, but it's really bad to lose your composure and have no idea why. This particularly comes up in pressure situations such as job interviews, relationships discussions, and dating.

If you find yourself losing your composure
too often, letting your emotions take over and
regretting it too often after the fact... and
you're starting to recognize that not all of
what you're doing and choosing to do with a man
is totally CONSCIOUS... then it's time you took
the time and the steps to take care of what's
going on INSIDE YOU first.

If you'd like to increase your COMPOSURE, you need to increase the emotional intelligence competency of self-awareness. Let me coach you. Call me at 817-734-1471 or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's get started now. I am a certified EQ (emotional intelligence) coach.

What's a Social Skill?

A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning such skills is called socialization.

aka Emotional Intelligence

From some source, I know not what:

10 Ways to Improve Your Interpersonal Skills

1. Smile.
2. Be appreciative.
3. Pay attention to others.
4. Practice active listening.
5. Bring people together.
6. Resolve conflicts.
7. Communicate clearly.
8. Use humor.
9. See it from their side.
10. Don't whine.

Sounds good to me! Want to improve your EQ? Take THE EQ COURSE.

Better yet, become a certified EQ coach and train others. My course is highly-rated, on the Internet, interactive and includes coaching sessions with me. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information. I have trained and certified coaches internationally.

Why Coaching is Essential to Learning to be an Effective Leader

Want to increase your abilities as a leader? Let me coach you in emotional intelligence, as I have for many professionals.

From an article entitled WHY DOES LEADERSHIP TRAINING FAIL TO PRODUCE RESULTS?, there are many references to emotional intelligence and the importance of coaching.

As a business leader, you have probably been well trained in logic and analysis. But a key leadership skill is the application of ‘emotional intelligence’ – the ability to know when things are ‘true’ or when they are ‘off’, when people are truly inspired, or just paying lip service. As a leader you need emotional intelligence to manage your own and others’ emotions, and you need skills appropriate to this task. Trying to do it by analysis and logic is about as effective as trying to drive a car by studying from a manual how the engine works.

People, especially in the business world, tend to avoid emotion – expressing it, dealing with it, looking at where it came from and its role in a situation. The rationale for not dealing with emotion, the very essence of leadership, is that all ‘this emotion stuff’ is ‘not professional’! Not so: it’s only ‘unprofessional’ to suppress emotion or express it inappropriately. When all ‘this emotion stuff’ is not explored and resolved in leadership groups, it always produces long-term tensions and political battles. These cause acute stress in individuals and cripple organisational effectiveness and efficiency. At the same time, they also destroy satisfaction, joy, fun, friendship, health, trust and a good night’s sleep!

It's a good article. Read it. And then sign up for emotional intelligence (EQ) coaching, leadership coaching, career coaching, and coaching for success. It does not cost 1000 lbs or $1000. You will be surprised at how affordable it is, and also how effective it is. Give it a try. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

If Emotional Intelligence Improves SAT Scores How Do You Learn It?

Emotional Intelligence Makes The Grade is the title of the article, featured on medicalnewstoday, and other medical news' sites. To read the whole article, go here.

According to a study presented at The British Psychological Society's Education Section Annual Conference, students' emotional intelligence (which they define as "the ability to identify, assess, and manage your own and others' emotions") was measured, and then compared to their English and Science scores on the SAT and later on the GCSE.

Findings:

A significant relationship was found between boys' emotional intelligence and
their SAT and GCSE English scores, with boys with higher emotional intelligence
scores doing better in these exams.

While for girls, a relationship between emotional intelligence and their SAT
Science scores was discovered; girls with higher emotional intelligence scores
did better in this exam.

Dr Pamela Qualter, from the University of Central Lancashire, said: "...our
results suggest that emotional intelligence is another key predictor of academic
success. "

One implication of this research is that opportunities to develop students'
emotional intelligence could be a way to improve their educational
achievement.

Resources for improving your (or your child's emotional intelligene):

• Take The EQ (Emotional Intelligence) Course(tm)
• For best results, combine it with individual Emotional Intelligence with Susan Dunn, M.A., The EQ Coach
• Read How to Develop Your Child's Emotional Intelligence

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how to learn it, email me to schedule a free phone consultation - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Coaching - it isn't just for professional athletes any more

More and more people are adding coaching to their life.

If you'd like to become a certified life coach, contact me and let me tell you about the different options I offer. I have trained and certified coaches all over the world and also offer intensive seminars in the Dallas area. Core material is on the Internet, and is self-paced. Various payment plans are available.

The Dow falls / Emotional Intelligence

The Dow falls 777.68 points. That's dizzying.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the financial market, which SHOULD be rational and logical, is the most emotional thing going on.

And why this fall?

Because we do not like uncertainty.

One reason to study emotional intelligence is because you can't make a rational decision if you don't understand what's going on emotionally. Much of what goes on in offices, between people, between countries, in marriages is emotionally based. It's part of the data.

If you've been in the market as long as I have - not to mention the real experts out there - this is to be expected. It happened after 9/11. I was in for "Black Friday." The real diehards will be saying, "Now's the time to get IN."

The knee-jerk reaction when something falls through and becomes unclear (like the negotiations) is panic, and this is what we are seeing. Is it smart to get out of the market now? Can you even think clearly about it?

Take the EQ Course and coaching, and learn more. It's very helpful.

Logic and Emotional Intelligence

From The EQ Coach about emotional intelligence

If you want to be a logical and reasonable person, where does "emotional intelligence" fit in?

Lets face it, there are some professions that pride themselves in not being "emotional." Doctors, lawyers, CPAs and engineers come to mind. When I mention "emotional intelligence" they can't see how it would apply to them.

The truth is that the higher up you get in a field - or WANT to - the more you are going to need emotional intelligence to go along with those wonderful logic and intellectual skills and training and degrees.

Why? Because you can't make logical decisions about something you don't know anything about. And most decisions involved people! You may decide, for instance, that the corporation needs a new LAN ... but you're going to have to CONVINCE someone of that.

You may sit down logically and plan your talk to the jury, but you are going to be lost if you can't read their reactions to what you are saying as you deliver the speech.

You can't be an effective surgeon in the operating room if the nurse at your side makes you angry.

Emotional intelligence includes things like focus, managing your own emotions, understanding the emotions of others, "gut feelings," nonverbal communication and many other things that LOGIC CANNOT TELL YOU.

In fact most of the most important decisions in life cannot be made by logic alone. At some point, the data will run out.

Let take the example of the stock market right now, with the state of the US economy. What should you do with your investments at this point? When will the stock market 'come back'? Should you run to treasury bills? CDs? Try and hit the low point and get back in the market?

If you read the experts, you will get conflicting opinions.

Learn more about emotional intelligence (EQ) with The EQ Coach, Susan Dunn, M.A. Coaching by phone, Internet (email), on your site, or at our beautiful facility in Dallas (convenient to both DFW and Love). Why not get away for a weekend and come for an EQ Retreat? Great for CEOs, professionals, and all interested parties.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

I also train and certify EQ coaches worldwide. Long-distance or at our facilities in Dallas.

Courage and Character

COURAGE AND CHARACTER

"Ordinary people, even weak people, can do extraordinary things through temporary courage generated by a situation. But the person of character does not need the situation to generate his courage. It is a part of his being and a standard approach to all life's challenges." - Michael Josephson

Is courage part of character? What is character? Is character related to emotional intelligence?

I think so. That's why I teach it. Email to get started - sdunn@susandunn.cc or call 817-741-7223.

Ask me about the EQ Coach Certification program. Certification available for life coaching, emotional intelligence, career, relationships, transitions, retirement and more. EQ relates to everything!

Are You Harboring Resentment

Resentment comes from the repression of feelings,

not the expression of feelings.

- M.K. Downing, Phd, LMFT

The Dogs Days of Summer

Hubble photo of Sirius, the Dog Star, believed to be in the public domain.

Folks, we are in the Dog Days of Summer. If you're feeling irritable and also lethargic, you aren't alone.

This is the Dog Days of Summer. This is because of the Dog Star, Sirius, and it's serious business!

Going back to ancient times, the Northern Hemisphere has had to deal with scorching summers and has had various explanations.

Here's the story-- Sirius, the Dog Star, is the brightest star besides the sun.

The "Dog Days" are when Sirius rose just before or at the same time as sunrise, but this has shifted somewhat since the precession of the equinoxes over time. This happened to be the heat of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Also, of interest, it was the time when the Nile River flooded.

The Dog Days used to be considered "an evil time when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics and frenzies" according to Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

Of course we can see now that it's the heat!!

Official dates are:
Old Farmers Almanac says 40 days, July 3 - August 11
The Book of Common Prayer says July 6 - August 17

REMEDIES:

• Understand what the heat does to us, emotionally, mentally and physically (that's why we have phrases like - chill, and hot under the collar.
  
• Stay "cool"
• If you're tired, don't take a Red Bull, take a nap
• Don't pressure yourself or others about things that can wait. "Let sleeping dogs lie."
• Don't get over-heated - mentally, physically or emotionally
• Stay out of the heat - literally, and also remove yourself from 'heated' situations.
  

In other words, it's a good time to practice your emotional intelligence skills. Don't allow yourself to be provoked by others who are "losing it."

Beyond Money

From the email bag: How To Find Your Way Back Home the name of the article. It went on to talk about how we live in a world that often focuses on the importance of making money.

In fact, I was interviewed recently on Life Lessons from Movies' radio show about the movie, "Friends with Money," and they kept asking me questions about how to make more money in the world!! For many people, it has become their obsession... But for many of us, as well, we have a stronger inner need, a desire for meaning and purpose in our lives beyond the material.

I was heartened the other day to run into a young woman. She works as a waitress at an upscale retirement home. I asked her how the job was going and what she does, and she told me:

I listen to the old men talk about World War II. I love it. This is the most meaningful job I have ever had.

Want to explore "beyond money?" I coach lots of people in transition - from this to that. Get in touch with me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

The Look of Shame - Spitzer

THE LOOK OF SHAME

An incredible study of nonverbal behavior. Notice even the 'uniforms' down to the pearls, and the lapels pins.

DON'T MISS INNER LIGHT RADIO - I'll be on air discussing the EQ ramifications of "Friends with Money" on April 15th at 1:00 p.m. CST. Call in and say "hi". For more information go to http://www.lifelessonsfrommovies.com/ or http://www.innerlightradio.com/ . Call in and join in the discussion. We learn best when we learn together. And wait till you hear DERILENE MC CLOUD, the mastermind of this series. I'm really looking forward to this experience, and encourage you to join us.

The Look of Shame ... Or is it the Look of Guilt?
In a law firm where I consulted, when someone made a mistake, they or the others would say "the walk of shame." Meant to kind of lighten the situation. Granted "shaming and blaming" is not suitable behavior for an office - but that's why I was there. That having been said, there are times when one should should feel shame and/or guilt.

Shaming phrases, for instance, are, "You should have known better," and "How could you do something so stupid?" They are designed to make the person feel shame.

Is this the look of shame - or guilt? And what's the difference between the two?
In our language, there is no clearcut distinction better "shame" and "guilt." Cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict describes shame as "a violation of cultural or social values" while feelings of guilt "arise from violations of internal values."

In their book, "Facing Shame," Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person."

As we grow from childhood into adulthood, and become better able to judge our own actions, guilt becomes the conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too.

Facing up to shameful behavior in public (and I'm sure this is defined culturally - what's "shameful") is especially difficult.

Take a look at the faces of these people. How do these men look? Look especially at the mouths. Hard to describe - but we know it when we see it. The eyes tell a lot too. Often people will shut their eyes while clamping their mouths tightly as well.

The general impression is - I don't want to do this and I hope it will be over with soon.

To learn more, take the EQ Course ...