About the Stress of The Holidays

YOU KEEP THAT PART OF YOU ON THE GRIDDLE THAT NEEDS COOKING

"Seventy percent of disease causation right now is lifestyle and environment." --Elliott Dacher, M.D.

Interesting that there was a lead article on msn.com about happiness and aging. In sum, the article said that the older you get the happier you are -- because you learn to eliminate/avoid negative situations. I think, as an EQ coach, that you learn -- by good examples and bad examples -- what works for you.

Example: My client, I'll call her Paula, is stressing out about Christmas. Yes, for those who look ahead and plan (an EQ competency), it is time to start "thinking about Christmas." What you will do, with whom, where, and how. This includes budgeting, too. Paula now has grown children. 3 live in her same town, 2 live elsewhere, and one of them has a baby. Paula was talking about Christmas mainly in terms of how much she dreaded (1) the "mandatory" Christmas Eve visit to the in-laws; (2) not enough rooms for the kids, so who has to get a hotel; (3) working things out with the otherset of parents; (4) sitting and staring at each other Christmas Day because it's the "tradition" that everyone stay at the house all day; (5) not wanting a "public" exchanging of gifts because of the different incomes and life circumstances of the grown children.

Ultimately in our coaching session, Paula discovered that she wanted to "cancel" the "old Christmas" and "do something different" -- thereby eliminating a lot of negatives -- things that had proven to be unpleasant, things that she knew stressed her. And -- I led her to articulate -- that no one really enjoyed anymore, they just "thought they had to because they always had."

Paula began to construct a Christmas she would enjoy.

At one point she used the phrase "making a virtue of a necessity." The actuality is that Christmas is going to change, e.g., the couple with the baby would not want to travel. The son in New Mexico would not be able to have time off at Christmas. Paula just didn't like cooking the whole meal herself and felt resentful about it. One of the couples was struggling financially, and could hardly afford food and shelter, much less Christmas gifts.

Paula is deciding what she will keep, and what she will change. The main thing is that she is feeling a whole better about the whole situation because she realized that she has choices.

I invite you to do the same!

There are 3 things you can do with a situation you don't like:

Change the situation
Change your attitude
Leave

The joy of helping. it's not a bad word.

There is a special place in heaven for people who are not afraid to help other people -- I mean as in getting their hands dirty.

Some people are too busy or simply won't take the time. Others have a "high road" attitude, thinking that the other person "must" learn how to do this themselves, and may give conceptual directions while they stand on the outside.

It's the rare friend who will help as in -- just do it.

I think we have gone too far about the "co-dependence" thing. A new term is "inter-dependence." I prefer to take on the term "splendid isolation." It is NOT a plus to be in splendid isolation!

Let me give you an example. I was over at a friend's house the other day. Let's call her Joanna. Marsha, Joanna and I were there.

Joanna started to panic. We could see it all over her. It turned out she had a dinner party to do that night, and ... well to her, that was very stressful. She happens to be a high-level professional in her community. But to her, a dinner party was off the radar screen.

Marsha looked, picked up on what was going on and said, "Ha! Let me do this. I mean, I'll just DO IT FOR YOU. It's easy for me, fun ... go read a book or something. Leave it to me" and in about 30 mins. she had the table redone, the dishes ready, the meal planned, and all the stress off.

We both enjoyed watching her 'working,' as for her, it was clearly "easy" and "joyful."

Why not "help" in that way?

I guess that's the essence of coaching.

Using EQ to get people to call you back and other things

I was killing time, waiting for a client call, so messed around on the Internet. Found a good article - liked the title anyway - something about how to get people to return your voicemails. Written by Scott Ginsberg. It had the usual stuff, some good tips, and then something BLEW ME AWAY. About halfway through, Mr. Ginsberg writes: "Character trumps technique."

I think that's the thing we long to hear (I do anyway), and long to encounter. Someone with character - with intentionality, in emotional intelligence lingo. They say what they mean and mean what they say. They come through. They deliver. They skip the drama and JUST DO IT. They follow the golden rule - treating ME the way they would want to be treated in the same situation.

And that no "technique" can get beyond someone who has no character. (I coach on this constantly to people who interview and hire for their companies and corporations -- no matter how great a person's degrees are, no matter how rich his or her experience, if he or she lies, cheats, steals, is abrasive, or offends others, they are not worth hiring. Right?)

The first thing we learned in Marketing 101, back in the Dark Ages, was that "PEOPLE DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE THEY TRUST." Plain and simple. (And not easy, evidently.)

Perusing further, I came upon an email ezine today from one of my favorite coaches, Mark Brandenburg, talking about teaching moments as a parent. Mark is a parenting coach, among other things. Mark Brandenburg says:

We are our child’s main teacher in life. We are surrounded by sarcasm, rudeness, and aggressive behavior. And we have a choice about whether our children become part of this kind of culture, or they adhere to a kinder, gentler, more respectful one. All we need to do is to commit to what we believe in as mentors for our children, and to follow through with “right action.”

To sign up for Mark's free and highly informative e-letter, go here.
A few of the pointers from the article (available HERE)

1. Start with yourself.

He wants you to consider whose calls you would answer first. As we say, emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. "Without self-awareness there can BE no emotional intelligence."

2. Punch people in the face with your purpose.

This would be focus, an emotional intelligence (EQ) competency; perhaps intentionality. There must be a REASON for your call, and therefore you should give a REASON for a call-back. Makes sense. Why did you call? Well, make sure you say why. Mr. Ginsberg calls this "a call to action." He wants first-time callers to be "respectful and intelligent enough to state their purpose within five seconds of leaving a message." Sounds good to me.

Mr. Ginsberg then points out the difference between a "purpose" and an "agenda." It's a good article. I recommend it.

3. Pamper their ego.

But go a step further, he says, and make them feel essential.

And on the other end, and speaking of ETIQUETTE, which is basically what we are talking about here, along with CHARACTER and EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE -- let me interject here that one of the high points in my life was the day I, as a Development Director for a non-profit (that's fund-raiser) called an engineer in the middle of a nasty, awful day, when I was up to my eyes in alligators, and he answered the phone, "How can I help you?"

From then on, I could not do enough for this man. Word!

Well, two great resources for you there, and a third one - The EQ Course and the EQ Program that I offer, to increase your EQ, your emotional intelligence. It is no mistake that Mr. Ginsberg starts off with self-awareness, and later on mentions empathy. Leave someone the message "you were right,he recommends. It "demonstrates empathy," he says.

According to EQ assessments, incidentally, the average male tests significantly lower in empathy, than the average female (although in overal EQ, on the average males and females test within a few points).

So - male or female, if you want to raise your emotional intelligence, including self-awareness and empathy, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

Just like Mr. Ginsberg recommends, I offer you two modes here - email, phone. Neat!

And be sure and check out the list he got from google on why people said they didn't answer calls. LOL. Here's just a couple --

“…He only wants to cause drama between us.”
“…He stood us up last time we worked together.”
“…He was known to be a incorrigible gambler.”
“…If he really liked me, then he would have called sooner.”
“…It seemed like he had nothing to say other than fishing for info.”
“…Our initial connection was lost because a first impression only lasts so long.”

WHY WAIT? Get into the EQ Program now. Most people call it "the missing piece."

Why Coaching is Essential to Learning to be an Effective Leader

Want to increase your abilities as a leader? Let me coach you in emotional intelligence, as I have for many professionals.

From an article entitled WHY DOES LEADERSHIP TRAINING FAIL TO PRODUCE RESULTS?, there are many references to emotional intelligence and the importance of coaching.

As a business leader, you have probably been well trained in logic and analysis. But a key leadership skill is the application of ‘emotional intelligence’ – the ability to know when things are ‘true’ or when they are ‘off’, when people are truly inspired, or just paying lip service. As a leader you need emotional intelligence to manage your own and others’ emotions, and you need skills appropriate to this task. Trying to do it by analysis and logic is about as effective as trying to drive a car by studying from a manual how the engine works.

People, especially in the business world, tend to avoid emotion – expressing it, dealing with it, looking at where it came from and its role in a situation. The rationale for not dealing with emotion, the very essence of leadership, is that all ‘this emotion stuff’ is ‘not professional’! Not so: it’s only ‘unprofessional’ to suppress emotion or express it inappropriately. When all ‘this emotion stuff’ is not explored and resolved in leadership groups, it always produces long-term tensions and political battles. These cause acute stress in individuals and cripple organisational effectiveness and efficiency. At the same time, they also destroy satisfaction, joy, fun, friendship, health, trust and a good night’s sleep!

It's a good article. Read it. And then sign up for emotional intelligence (EQ) coaching, leadership coaching, career coaching, and coaching for success. It does not cost 1000 lbs or $1000. You will be surprised at how affordable it is, and also how effective it is. Give it a try. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Bullying in the Workplace, Is It Getting Worse?

An HR manager just asked permission to use my article at a meeting, so thought I'd put it here.

I despise "bullying" and "mobbing" and "gossip," and love to help corporations get rid of it, and individuals to recover from it.

BTW, I think we (the US) has a reputation here. On my tour in Europe, one of the guides showed us the chairs out in front of a cafe ready for the people-watchers, and people-talkers. She said, "In France it's okay to talk about someone you don't know, but not someone you DO know." Not a bad idea.

Office Gossip: An HR Challenge

By Susan Dunn Expert Author Article Date: 2008-11-12

"Lies, rumors, and office gossip have always been an entrenched part of the workscape," says Samuel Greengard, in his article, "Gossip Poisons
Business: HR Can Stop It," and if you've worked in an office, you know that's true. For some, it's just static, but it can get out of control, be harmful to the target, and cause risk for management.

Gossip is a human propensity. Part of being social and being human, is to take an intense interest in what other's are doing. Some gossip is relatively benign; other forms are malicious and can run right into slander and liable.

Unchecked, it's not going to go away and can be disruptive to productivity and morale.

THE NATURE OF GOSSIP

"Not every rumor that comes out of the office gossip mill has the power to be ... damaging," says Ingrid Murro Botero, president of Murro Consulting. "However, even seemingly casual remarks between coworkers can disrupt an otherwise peaceful office."

Office gossip generally centers around which employees management is dating, and who's about to be get fired, transferred, promoted or demoted. Particularly malicious gossip is used for personal or political gain within the organization. Any form can open management up to significant liability because employees who perceive themselves in a hostile environment can go on to assume they're being discriminated against.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

What can management do to curtail this destructive mobbing behavior?

First of all lets look at what makes it probable. It's most likely to occur when employees are not informed, and when they have too much time on their hands. When something's going on and management doesn't supply information, people fill in the void with speculations and assumptions.

It's also likely to occur is when workers have too much time on their hands. When, as a kid, I started making trouble for myself and my sisters because I had nothing to do, my grandmother would give me something constructive to do (a chore, a book to read), saying, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

Management must also make it clear that malicious personal gossip is not acceptable. "It is essential for companies to set appropriate boundaries and a tone of mutual respect," says Jane Weizmann, senior consultant at Watson Wyatt Worldwide.

This can be accomplished through Aspiration Statements - not just saying what's not acceptable, but by coming out and saying what is expected:
dignity and respect. No exceptions.

Management can also work to build a culture that's supportive rather than overtly competitive. Putting proactive emotional intelligence and ANTI-MOBBING PROGRAMS in place show positive intent. To see an excellent pro-respect statement by the State of Oregon, Dept. of Environment Quality ANTI-MOBBING policy NO. 50.110, go
here: www.mobbing-usa.com/resources1.html
.

Coaching and/or counseling should be available for both victim and instigator.

Rumors must be dealt with immediately. Meet with instigator[s] and victim together, or call the instigator in to confront them. Confront chronic offenders. If you don't know who they are, you're in denial, because everyone else in the company knows who they are.

One thing to do in your awareness/education program is to ask people to check through their emails and see if they think they've been gossiping.
Unlike the spoken word, email is documentable.

It's important to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Written policies and procedures turn to dust and smoke the first time management fails to confront the problem in actuality. It's normal to test the limits, and if action isn't taken when stated policy is transgressed, credibility for that policy goes out the door, and so does credibility about every other policy.

About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, www.susandunn.cc . Business and personal coaching, on-site, long-distance.

Darwin, on who survives

I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by the events of the past year. I find this quote pertinent, especially because Darwin has so often been MISquoted.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive,

nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
~ Charles Darwin

Emotional Intelligence includes the capacity to be resilient, flexible and creative. When you have these tools, you can react positively to change -- and change is always stressful.

If things in your life have changed drastically, you may find yourself feeling like a dinosaur in the age of mammals. It's time to "adapt." Positive action and changing to meet the changing time are part of being "responsive to change."

Any major life event ushers in a "transition" - retirement, career or job loss, change in marital status, kids leaving home, loss of retirement fund and having to go back to work ...

Let me know if I can help you with coaching.

Need More Money?

"MONEY LIKES SPEED" says Dr. Joe Vitale.

Dr. Joe Vitale, who appeared in the movie The Secret, has been studying the law of attraction re: money for many years.

Here are his 7 Ways to Attract More Money. For the full article and how to access his materials, go HERE. You can learn more about his Law of Attraction program through Nightingale-Conant called The Missing Secret.

1. Give money away.

And give it to people or places that are nourishing your spirit.

2. Get clear.

Make sure your conscious intentions get manifested, not your unconscious counterintentions.

3. Take action. Remember - "Money likes speed."

4. Support a cause.

Vitale says, "In short, you should want money for a larger reason than your own ego." Well, with this economy it may not be ego as much as survival, but the principal remains the same.

5. Get support.
People, books, tapes, a coach.

6. Be grateful.

7. Do what you love.
Work in it somehow, until you can do it fulltime. Vitale wrote his first book during his lunch hours when he worked for oil companies.

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Getting in touch with your unconscious counterintentions is part of what learning emotional intelligence is all about. Contrary to what you might think, emotions exist to give us information. Coaching is the best way to learn emotional intelligence and clear intentionality. If you not mindful, you are truly sleeping with the enemy.

I've heard more than a few clients tell me things that were clearly counter to their stated goals that they weren't mindful of at all. It just slips out - to the right listening ear.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

Susan Dunn has an M. A. in Clinical Psychology and offer personal and business coaching, consulting, and is the founder and head of the EQ Alive(tm) Coach Certification Program.

BTW, Nightingale-Conant has long offered a Mission Statement Builder which I personally recommend. You can build your own Mission Statement here.

What are you doing to get to the next level?

"It's going to be an interesting lunch," Bush told an interviewer recently. When asked what the five men would talk about, Bush said: "I don't know. I'm sure (Obama's) going to ask us all questions, I would guess. If not, we'll just share war stories."

The Huffington Post called it "extraordinary."

The photo of the historic meeting of the presidents made the front page of many papers. President Bush met with President-Elect Obama and former Presidents Jimmy Carter, George H. W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. Prior to their luncheon meeting they held a photo opportunity for the press in the Oval Office.

Obama said graciously:

"All the gentlemen here understand both the pressures and possibilities of this office," Obama said. "For me to have the opportunity to get advice, good counsel and fellowship with these individuals is extraordinary."

How smart to get together with others who know the territory.

What a wonderful way to get started - healing divisions, getting advice, getting support, talking with others who have done the job and now what it entails. And doing something most people think was A Good Thing, well actually extraordinary.

Now what are YOU going to do to get your level? Let me coach you to success. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Behind that Frigid North Wind

It's been very cold here in Dallas the past two days. Yesterday there was a strong freezing wind. I left for an appointment in the morning before dark, and saw people out walking their dogs at 5:45 a.m. in the freezing cold and wondered how they could stand it. Later at a meeting, I listened to everyone talk about how awful it was, how cold, too soon, the wind whipping up the dreaded cedar pollen (no joke!), it had been such a beautiful fall, I'm freezing and I HATE THE COLD.

Of course this is nothing compared to what goes on in the North. But the people at the meeting were all natives to the Metroplex.


Just a thought ... behind that frigid air, and whipping wind, and those piles of snow we have to remove from the driveway is this. If only we had eyes to see.

You never know what you're missing from your perspective!

Graphics from the beautiful "Little Book of Snowflakes," by Kenneth Lebrecht, photos used with permission.

This book would make a great Christmas present. Order it at discount HERE. Click HERE to see what a snowfall "really" looks like.

For the holidays - keep things in perspective. It's the Emotionally Intelligent thing to do.

How Negative Beliefs Limit You

It's a good time of year to THINK POSITIVE and work on your POSITIVE BELIEFS (not your NEGATIVE BELIEFS).

Today's guest article is called How Negative Thinking Can Stop You Getting What You Want. by Paul Alexander Wood

Negative and self limiting beliefs can and very often do hold us back in life. These beliefs can stop us from achieving what we most want and need in our lives.

Our limiting beliefs more often than not have been learned as we have gone through life and very often we have bought them with us from childhood. While they don’t serve us well, they are still very personal to each of us. Many people form strong identities from their beliefs, limiting or not and so any negative beliefs can become a deeply ingrained part of their personality one that they carry around with them for years.

Beliefs are personal; they are important and have the ability to define our entire lives. Our beliefs have governed how we have lived in the past, they govern how we are living now and they will govern how we will live our life in the future. Examples of some negative and limiting beliefs:

• I’m useless, I always have been


• I am an idiot


• I’ll never be a success


• Everyone hates me at work


• I won’t become rich


• My Business will fail


• I’m not clever enough


• I’ll never be able to learn Japanese


• I’ll never get promoted at work


• I’m too fat

These negative and limiting beliefs ultimately serve no real purpose apart from to stop us from having what we want in our lives. They become so entrenched in our minds that we just accept them as normal, never really believing we can do anything about them. Just one negative belief about yourself, your situation or anything else related to your life can dictate to you the action you take, the behavior you exhibit and the environment where you find yourself.

A negative belief can really make it difficult if you are looking to make a change in your life or accomplish some goal. It becomes your own personal roadblock that stops you dead in your tracks. You accept it and it becomes the way your life is. Of course everyone is entitled to believe what they want. We have a choice, and we can choose to not accept our limiting beliefs any time we wish.

Do you really want to continue creating mind made barriers for yourself? You may want certain things in your life, you may want more for yourself, your family and even for the world around you, but yet your limiting beliefs never seem to go away, they have always been there and they will always be there in the future. They will remain a fundamental part of who you are unless you do something about it. Remember that beliefs can be changed, and this is great news when we know we have beliefs that limit us. You probably used to believe in Santa Claus but I bet you don’t anymore. Rest assured that if you want to really change a negative belief you have, it can be done.

One useful strategy to use is to step forward into the future and envisage what will transpire (or not) as a result of the belief you hold. When we do this we can see just exactly where our negative belief will lead us. Types of question to ask yourself when taking the negative belief into the future include:

1. What will happen later on in the future if you persist with this belief?


2. What consequences will occur as a result of this belief?


3. What results will or could arise from the initial set of results?

For example: I’ll never be able to learn Portuguese. With a belief like this, where will you be in 2 years time? Imagine instead if you start learning Portuguese now, how much of it would you be able to speak in 2 years time? Do you realize the more you believe this the more this will prevent you from actually learning Portuguese. So eventually over time you will not be able to learn any new languages with a belief like this. So I guess you can forget about conversing with any Brazilians in their own language when you visit Brazil then? You could carry on asking similar questions based on what you will be able or not be able to do as a result. Try it with your own negative beliefs and see if your perspective changes.

Author's Bio: Paul Alexander Wood is a personal development and self-help writer, he is also the author and creator of http://www.createchangeinyourlife.com/, a website dedicated to helping people who are looking to make changes in their life.
___________________________
I coach in this area and have seen some marvelous results. Also you might want to take a look at my ebook, CHANGING BELIEFS.

In the meantime, listen to your SELF-TALK for an entire day. It's the 'voice' we hear the most, it influences us, and if you aren't MINDFUL about it, it can be telling you things that limit you tremendously.

Finish Strong

Finish Strong! We can't help but notice the year is ending! Yes, 2008 is drawing to a close. You may begin to think of what you hoped to accomplish this year; it may be the 3rd quarter and you're taking a look at the books; or it may have been such a difficult year, the fact that it's "ending" doesn't make much difference.

Here is a great video for you to watch called FINISH STRONG. It's a good video. I'm just sorry that it deals only with athletes.

This is sort of a 'thing' with me, harking back to my days raising funds for the homeless in San Antonio. Whenever it was time for a speech at a fundraiser, or for someone to visit the shelter, an athlete was always named. Yes, they are wonderful examples - if you can take them metaphorically. Believe it or not - I used to work out next to David Robinson when he was down at the Concord killing time, I guess. I could draw inspiration from the fact that he keep doing harder things, that he was there at all, that he kept at it, was sweating, was determined, but since his legs were longer than my whole body ... LOL.

Yes, for most of us its a stretch to draw inspiration from pro athletes, our chances of being one are so infinitestimal.

And also there are harder things in life that involve the spirit, the mind and the soul ... When you have to "watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools" or "hold on when there is nothing in your except the Will which says 'Hold on."...

I could name people in my own life, and in my coaching practice - so could you - who are struggling with things just as difficult, though they will never win Olympic awards, make millions of dollars, or even be mentioned in the newspaper. When you have to "watch the things you gave your life to brokwn, and stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools...

The 11 year old girl who had a stroke and cannot use her left hand, but
keyboards at 70 wpm (with one hand) and yearned to play the piano. No teacher would take her. I am now teaching her to play the piano.

My friend who lost her beautiful and exceptional 21 year old son and struggles onward. The minister read at the ceremony, "With all the generosity we can muster, we give him back to God and say 'thank you.'"

Mary Ann, 64 years old, who earns her money in an Internet business, helping others, the direst of others, whose right hand suddenly became paralyzed. She quietly moved the mouse over to the left side and started in. She's a client of mine. I never heard her complain. She just had some questions about marketing.

Jim, who came in last week and told me he had to fire 7 people "the day before Thanksgiving." And then there are the 7 he had to fire ... the day before Thanksgiving.

April who works full time for UPS, and then does the graveyard shift at a convenience store to make ends meet.

Richard, who is 55, who has just completed 10 years of sobriety.

Suzanne, who moved to a new city, with great hopes, but has been unable to get a job in her field for 8 months now and is running out of money.

Roann and Michael who are 70, and raising their grandchildren, who are 4 and 6 years old. I don't know the story. Nobody does. They're always grinning as if it were their greatest gift.

Patricia who finally managed to pass the math to get into nursing school.

Doug, 66 years old, who just lost 3/4ths of his IRA in the latest debacle.

John, 68, whose spine is crumbling (to quote the doctors), and was told that surgery could even make it worse, that there is nothing that can be done. He continues to work as a general practitioner, listening to people talk about allergies, flu, acid reflux...

Whatever you're struggling with now, it takes stamina. I encourage you to keep at it and FINISH STRONG. And BTW, it doesn't matter how long it takes. December 31st is not some magical date. Some of us are struggling with things that will not be resolved in one year, or even 5.

If you need a coach to help you do that, I'm just the one!

P.S. We also start thinking about New Year's resolutions. If the same ones will appear on your list for next year, let me help! EMAIL me.

If by Rudyard Kipling (not just for men!)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

A Gallimaufry for You Today

A gallimaufry for you today, of some new things I learned.

First, the word gallimaufry (gal-uh-MAW-free). Defined on m-w simply as a hodgepodge. But others add that it originally meant "a hash of various kinds of meats." From the French galimafrée (for stew). In Old French "galer" meant to rejoice or to make merry, like, doh, a GALA. In Old Englsih gala + mafrer = to eat much. And from Medieval Dutch maffelen "to open one's mouth wide."

Second, my friend told me they had spent Thanksgiving at Marfa, Texas, staying at the hotel where the stars stayed when filming GIANT (Rock Hudson, James Dean, Elizabeth Taylor)but they didn't get to see the Marfa Lights. Something else to put on my "to do" list one day. Go see the Marfa Lights.

Third, I took the "what's your accent quiz" (Facebook) and found out that my accent resembles those in Western New England, New York and the Great Lakes. Isn't that interesting!! In my youth I lived in Chicago, Boston and New York. Quite an accurate little quiz, with just a few questions.

The StrengthsProfile is just that accurate. Have you taken it? If you want to know what your TRUE, INNATE "strengths" are, email me for the resource. This is not "good at writing" sort of stuff, it tests for things like Command (people who are naturally perceived to be leaders, that others look to to lead them), and WOO (for "winning other over") - those people who can effortlessly sell ice to an eskimo.

If you're stumbling around about a career or job right now, it's spot-on. Likewise for relationships. I've used this profile with many couples and it helps them understand one another better and how to work with the strenths for win-win outcomes.

OK, that's enough gallimaufry for now!


doh

Stress Upon Stress

We're all worried now about the economy and jobs, the stock market, our retirement funds, funding our children's educations, and how President-elect Barack Obama will do about solving these problems.

And here come the holidays. Someone told me today, as they stared at the headlines in the newspaper, "At least I already got Christmas taken care of."

I have two helpful things for you here:

First, please take a moment and enjoy this beautiful and inspirational video, and remember that "In the winds of change, we sometimes find our direction."

If you can't access that link, cut and paste: http://www.findingjoymovie.com .

Second, call for a coaching session. That's what I'm here for! I work all holidays, and always save extra time for appointments. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to set up a time to talk.

What coaching is all about --

"Don't wait for someone to take you under their wing. Find a good wing and climb up underneath it." - Frank C. Bucaro

If you need a wing, that's what coaches are for. I love to support people in their goals, help them generate options and alternatives, get from A to Z, make good transitions, improve relationships - and many other important things.

If you like to be the "wing" for others, why not get certified as a coach. My program is unique - individualized, empirical data (scientific research), fast, affordable, and long-distance, or seminar in Dallas - your choice.

Email me for more information at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Why Have a Life Coach?

What a Life Coach Does

"Dreams are astoundingly important. They keep nagging you because you're supposed to fulfill them. When you sense you're special, you're not neurotic or grandiose. Something inside you is calling to you and you have to listen. When you love to do something, that means you have a gift for it...And when you're gifted at something, you have to do it." - Barbara Sher

_____________________________________________________

I trained and certified a coach last month who told me after the seminar, "This is my passion. This is what I always wanted to do. Thank you."

Life Coaching is all about finding with you what you were meant to do, and how to get to do it. That little something that keeps nagging at you is trying to tell you something.

When Enita called me, she told me that she sits at her desk all day billing patients for a doctor and hates it, and all she thinks about is writing. I encouraged her to listen to the 'dream'; that is was possible, and we would come up with a strategy.

Someone said, and I can't remember who, capacities clamor to be used. If you don't do what you're good at and love to do, you will be cheating yourself in the only life that you have.

Whether it's career or relationship goals you're dreaming of, let me help you get there from here. It's what I do. I'm a Life Coach.

Usain Bolt and Coaching

Usain Bolt and Coaching


A world record falls and an Olympian does something no one has done before. The Yahoo teaser continues, "Find out what it is."


They are talking, of course, about Usain Bolt of Jamaica, who broke the world record by winning the 200 meters in 19.30 seconds Wednesday night.

Yahoo adds, BOLT IS THE FIRST MAN TO BREAK THE WORLD MARKS IN BOTH SPRINTS AT AN OLYMPICS. Not even Lewis or Jesse Owens managed that.


I guess because I'm a coach, when I read the lead-in, I wondered about his coach. Also two of my clients immediately came to mind. Followed by any number of others, but two in particular I'd like to tell you about because they accomplished something that for them, was just as monumental, though it will never make the Yahoo headlines.


Actually as a coach I have many examples, but here are just two.

Erita called me several years ago to talk about something job related. I probed around and asked some questions, and discovered that she had been an LPN, and wanted to be an RN, but was "sure" she could never pass the math parts of the college degree allowing for an RN, and also that she was "too old." Meanwhile she was doing something else, but her heart was still with the nursing degree she would never be able to have.


"Ha!" said I, the coach.

To fast-forward on this story, I worked with her for several years as she got herself admitted to a college, then faced the dreaded math courses (the chemistry, she always told me, was "easy", which I, the English major found astounding!). She thought often of giving up and would call. Slowly she began to believe in herself.

The upshot is she now has attained a job as an RN at a major hospital, having gotten the degree and passed the exam. No one has ever done this before either, because there is no one else on earth with her set of challenges and potentials.

The credit belongs to her. I was the coach, but it was her game, and she won it.

Amanda is another example. She is a coach I trained and certified and has a thriving business based on the Internet and requiring endless keyboarding. At the age of 62, she broke her right thumb and ring finger, making keyboarding impossible. NOT! She had taken the EQ training program and on-line course on emotional intelligence, which is full of research on neuroscience, brain science. "I can't," said she. "Try it! said I. "I bet you can." The doctor could not tell her what would be the outcome of the accident, because it was not a clean fracture, but smashed and splintered.


Amanda moved the mouse over to the left side if the keyboard and started in, training her left hand. Business continues ... That is one tough woman!

As a coach, I am continually in awe of the things people do that have never been done on earth before...by them!

If you'd like to become a coach and share in one of the most rewarding professions there is, email me for information at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We train long distance (I have certified people all over the world), by phone, IM and email (core material on Internet), or you can come to Dallas for an intensive one-day applications seminar.

Coaching is rewarding, its portable, you can't get fired, it is a growth field, you will only get better with age, its the perfect "second" career, and you can begin while you continue on in your paying job and your practice builds.

AND ABOUT USAIN'S COACHES (from wikipedia)

Under the guidance of new coach Fitz Coleman, Bolt turned professional in 2004,
beginning with the CARIFTA games in Bermuda....He became the first junior sprinter to run the 200 metres in under 20 seconds, breaking Roy Martin' world
junior record by two tenths of a second with 19.93 seconds.


The following year, 2005, signalled a fresh start for Bolt in the form of a new coach, Glen Mills and a new attitude to athletics. Mills recognised Bolt's potential and
aimed to cease the sprinter's unprofessional approach to the sport.

The
Jamaican surprised even himself with the time but coach Glen Mills remained
confident there was more to come. Mills' prediction came true before the end of
the month when Bolt established a new 100 metres world record in May

AND ABOUT USAIN'S COACHES


According to Wikipedia, Usain began to want to try the 100 m and Glen bet him if he could break the National Record, he would agree to let him run the 100 m.


At the 2007 National Championships in June, Bolt broke Donald Quarrie's 36-year-old record by 0.11 seconds, running 19.75.

To quote Glen: "After the race he didn't even say thank you, he just said 'when is the hundred'."


Coaches inspire, push, instruct, encourage, tweak, stand by, bolster, and push! Who knows what you might do with the right coach!


I train, work with, supervise and network with outstanding coaches. We will find the RIGHT ONE for you that could signal "a fresh start" for you.

Photo: wikipedia commons, author Eckhard Pecher (Arcimboldo)

Facebook Scrabulous barred

Talk about an emotional issue. I was playing Scrabulous via Facebook in the earl hours of Tuesday, and suddenly something was wrong. Well, I thought, just temporary. We in the Scrabulous community had been frustrated with a few glitches ... like requesting to host a table and having a game set up with the same person 5 times.

But no, this was sometthing serious, for a LOT of people.

From The New York Times, the HALF A MILLION PEOPLE who played Scrabulous daily had the rug abruptly pulled out from under their feet.

I'll admit I'm a Scrabulous fan and spent and hour or two daily, for relaxation. I got on line as usual, and there was a notice - no Scrabulous. I didn't even get to get my final stats on BINGOS. I played with my sister, my nephew, my niece, and a host of people from all over the world I knew nothing about. Sometimes we chatted, sometimes we just played. Everyone had their own style at Scrab.

I know it was a big thrill in my life that just that day I'd put down a 98 pt. bingo. The highest one before that was AFFLUENT for 95. I have a list of my Bingos tacked up on my bulletin board. My stat was slowly building as I learned strategy from people I played with - from all over the world.

I joined the environment of the Scrabulous community - the controversy over word lists and "cheaters," the 'adult' lists, the people who would write in their requests when wanting to host a table - no porn, no chat, just fun, and brain power only.

From the article:

The Calcutta-based brothers who developed Scrabulous bowed to legal pressure and barred North American users from playing the game on Facebook.

The demise of Scrabulous was sudden but not wholly unexpected. The game, a favorite time-waster among cubicle dwellers, was created by two brothers in Calcutta. On July 24, Hasbro, which owns the North American rights to Scrabble, sued them for copyright infringement. On Tuesday, the brothers made Scrabulous unavailable to Facebook users in Canada and the United States, citing legal pressure.

The backlash was instant. Bloggers denounced Hasbro, howls of protest flooded message boards, and new Facebook groups were created with names like “Down with Hasbro.” Although some people spoke up to defend Hasbro’s rights, most people jeered at the company, calling it everything from “short-sighted” to “technologically in the dark” to “despicable.”

I have had many hobbies and pastimes, and this was the latest one. Following on the heels of a long study of opera, I might add. New interests and hobbies are refreshing!

I had wondered how two brothers from India had been able to come up with something that worked so well, most of the time.

A waste of time? That's silly. One should have some time during the day to "waste." It was fun. It cost nothing, could be played at any time, connected me with some interesting people, and was a harmless activity.

Now I'll have to find something else.

Such is life!

If you're happy with your job, you could be in trouble

In response to demand, personal seminars in Dallas-Fort Worth or on-site at your location. Individual coaching in an intensive accelerated format for savvy professionals, CEOs and anyone interested in improving performance. eMail me for information - sdunn@susandunn.cc . Arranged on weekends and/or to fit your schedule. One-on-one instruction with Susan Dunn, M.A.

Were you ever in an office situation where there was one really "Happy" person and they were bullied, provoked, ignored, or demeaned? Or the gossipw as they were 'so happy because they were stupid.' Maybe it was even you. Although we all say we want to be happy with our jobs, expressing this "joy" may not be an asset -in the Western World.

Why?

As David Caruso said, in Expressing Emotions at Work, "Anger is associated with power, joy with weakness." He added, "this is obviously a problem for all of us."

As one of my clients said, "This is a really happy time in my life, all things are going well, and I love the money from this job. But it's like they want to stamp out the happiness. Am I supposed to walk around glowering and angry and yell at everyone like XX does?"

Conversely you may be into the anger-role, even enjoying it, but beginning to sense that it isn't very good for your health.

Anger gives us information, is a basic emotion, sometimes unavoidable, but the trouble is if you live in that state, you are stressing your body incredibly. 5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours. It is also very hard on the people around you, including loved ones at home. It can become a habit. An anger-junkie, as it were. It does feel good to 'let it all hang out' once in a while, and was even in vogue some years ago, but I can't be the only person noticing the rising rates of depression, heart attacks, cancer and so forth ... with the lifestyle going on right now.

If you've begun to realize you need to make some changes, call me - 817-741-7223, or email me.

Want to learn about 'emotions at work' and the fine art of emotional intelligence? eMail me for coaching - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Beyond Money

From the email bag: How To Find Your Way Back Home the name of the article. It went on to talk about how we live in a world that often focuses on the importance of making money.

In fact, I was interviewed recently on Life Lessons from Movies' radio show about the movie, "Friends with Money," and they kept asking me questions about how to make more money in the world!! For many people, it has become their obsession... But for many of us, as well, we have a stronger inner need, a desire for meaning and purpose in our lives beyond the material.

I was heartened the other day to run into a young woman. She works as a waitress at an upscale retirement home. I asked her how the job was going and what she does, and she told me:

I listen to the old men talk about World War II. I love it. This is the most meaningful job I have ever had.

Want to explore "beyond money?" I coach lots of people in transition - from this to that. Get in touch with me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Emo ... and Emotional Intelligence

From a disturbing article entitled "Finding Emo: It Eludes a Real Definition". There's a lot of confusion about emotions and how to manage them. And what we learn, whether good or bad, we often get the patterns from those around us, like parents. This is why emotional intelligence is so important to learn about. Being 'emotional' is not a bad thing. Handling emotions in destructive ways - to self or others - is. And for middle school children to have a cult of depression is alarming. If you have children or are concerned about children, you should know about this phenomenon. And please take a look at my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence." Better yet, take the EQ Course - you can't teach and model what you don't know, and this course gives you the parameters to start learning to deal with emotions in positive ways.

From the article.

Finding emo is rough, if you 're older. On the one hand, it 's so well known that if you run "emo " on the Google search engine, you 'll find 50.3 million listings. Compare that to, for example, 8.16 million for "Jesus Christ " or 1.94 million for "bill of rights. "

That 's perhaps not surprising; according to a survey conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, the average age of the most active creators of Internet-content is 25. Emo seems to skew far younger than that, reaching down even into middle school.

On the other hand, we asked adults if they knew what emo was. We asked school psychologists, area high school and middle school counseling staffs, experts at the UW-Madison School of Education, and the Madison-based Briarpatch youth crisis intervention service. Some had heard of emo. No one could even define it.

From the article: http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/entertainment/index.php?ntid=266804

"It means the manifestation of sadness and pain, " she says. "Everybody feels it. Everybody is emo. "

I'm proud to be working in the field of emotional intelligence because it is so helpful to people. There is probably nothing more important in life to learn.

Call me at 817-734-1471, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence.