Emo ... and Emotional Intelligence

From a disturbing article entitled "Finding Emo: It Eludes a Real Definition". There's a lot of confusion about emotions and how to manage them. And what we learn, whether good or bad, we often get the patterns from those around us, like parents. This is why emotional intelligence is so important to learn about. Being 'emotional' is not a bad thing. Handling emotions in destructive ways - to self or others - is. And for middle school children to have a cult of depression is alarming. If you have children or are concerned about children, you should know about this phenomenon. And please take a look at my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence." Better yet, take the EQ Course - you can't teach and model what you don't know, and this course gives you the parameters to start learning to deal with emotions in positive ways.

From the article.

Finding emo is rough, if you 're older. On the one hand, it 's so well known that if you run "emo " on the Google search engine, you 'll find 50.3 million listings. Compare that to, for example, 8.16 million for "Jesus Christ " or 1.94 million for "bill of rights. "

That 's perhaps not surprising; according to a survey conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, the average age of the most active creators of Internet-content is 25. Emo seems to skew far younger than that, reaching down even into middle school.

On the other hand, we asked adults if they knew what emo was. We asked school psychologists, area high school and middle school counseling staffs, experts at the UW-Madison School of Education, and the Madison-based Briarpatch youth crisis intervention service. Some had heard of emo. No one could even define it.

From the article: http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/entertainment/index.php?ntid=266804

"It means the manifestation of sadness and pain, " she says. "Everybody feels it. Everybody is emo. "

I'm proud to be working in the field of emotional intelligence because it is so helpful to people. There is probably nothing more important in life to learn.

Call me at 817-734-1471, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence.

Shaping Relationships that Work

Hmmm, there are some good points in here.

"Teaching Self-Love to Dogs and Humans,"
by guest writer, Charlie Badenhop

Have you ever thought about the many similarities between dogs and humans?

As a child I was quite involved in breeding and training dogs and I was lucky to have a very talented and wise gentleman as my teacher. I learned a great deal from him that I apply today in my work with people.

My teacher had six basic rules he employed when training dogs and you can use these same rules as a parent or professional facilitator in your workplace. Seem strange?
Have a read and then decide!

My teacher's first rule is "Treat 'the pupils' with firm yet gentle kindness and endless patience." No matter what a dog did, without any trace of annoyance my teacher would calmly and gently let them know when their behavior was not what he
wanted. He would also be very clear in letting the dogs know when he was pleased.

His second rule is "Consistently foster and support the pupil in developing a positive identity." My teacher used to say, "Never tell the dog he's "bad." If you tell him he's bad, he'll start to feel bad, and then the next thing you know he'll start to act bad as well. All the dog will really be doing, is confirming what you've just told him!"

"Don't confuse the identity of the dog, with the dog's behavior. No matter what happens, your dog is a "good dog." And sometimes your "good dog" will have lousy behavior. "Good boy, good dog, don't gnaw on the table leg!"

"Good boy, good dog, don't you dare lift your leg on those curtains!" "No matter what he does, it's very important for your dog to know his positive identity never changes." "If you think in terms of "good dog" now "bad dog" later, your affection for your dog will change like the weather and he will become confused, and not know who he really is."

Rule number three is "Let your pupil know she truly belongs, and that she has her own rightful place in the world." To help dogs fully understand this rule, my teacher applied a stroke of genius. He'd cut a small piece of carpet for each dog he trained and place the carpet in the dog's sleeping area for her to lie on each night. During the day he'd take the same piece of carpet and set it down anywhere he wanted the dog to sit. When the dog sat down upon his request he praised the dog for being obedient, and said "This is your place. You belong here." It didn't take long for the carpet to take on the distinct odor of the dog, and my teacher said this led the dog to feel "at home" whenever the carpet was nearby.

Eventually, my teacher would teach the dog to pick up the piece of carpet in her mouth, and carry it to wherever they were going. The dog would set the piece of carpet down when they arrived somewhere and sit on it, with my teacher all
the while praising her for being so good. At this stage, the dog begins to feel she truly belongs in every place she travels to, and every place feels like home.

The fourth rule is, "Teach by example." If you want your dog to be strong and calm, then you must be strong and calm in your dealings with her. If you want the dog to love you and live for the opportunity to protect you, then you need to teach love by example. You don't expect the dog to love you just because you feed her and give her shelter. The dog winds up loving you as a natural reaction to your love for
her. As my teacher used to say, "It's very simple. Love is a circle, it's not a straight line."

The fifth rule he called "The length of the leash." You need to be able to sense the dog's understanding of what you would like him to do, in relation to what he would like to do. If the leash is too short the dog feels coerced. If the leash is too long the dog has no idea what you want, and comes to rely on his own will and whims. Achieving the "just right" leash length is something you need to learn anew for each dog you train. Eventually you want to get to where you can think a thought, and have the thought travel the length of the leash down to the dog. Once this starts to happen you have a clearer and clearer sense that you and the dog are "one intelligence."

It's important to occasionally let the dog do what he wants to do, even when this runs counter to what you want him to do. This is crucial for building a good relationship, and sometimes you discover the dog has a better understanding of what is taking place than you do!

In the end, you want to take off the leash completely, and let the dog act from its own sense of right and wrong.

Rule number six is, "Treat your pupil as you yourself would like to be treated." Pretty straightforward yes? Don't for a moment believe a dog deserves any less respect than you do.

I ask you now, wouldn't these six rules work just as well with humans as they do with dogs?

................................................................
About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido
instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit
from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and various self-help
Practices, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure
Heart, Simple Mind" here.

Beautiful Women

Art is so much a part of emotional intelligence.
Enjoy -- 500 years of Women in Western Art

In the words of Rudyard Kipling
Four things greater than all things are
Women and Horses and Power and War

Emotional Intelligence is Learned at Home

The Daily Star Web Edition Vol. 5 Num 1028

From Bangladesh, Shahnewaz Khan writes about Emotional Intelligence.

"After reading the book, I understood the first sentence my programming professor at university said to us on the very first day: 'We can't teach programming at university This is a subject you should have already learned when you went to the park for a walk with your parents, or solved a puzzle with your mom in the living room, what we teach here is purely syntax (the grammar of the programming language), and brush up your analytical ability a little to ignite your talent.'"

Are you teaching your child Emotional Intelligence? Yes, you are. Whether you want to or not, whether you do a good job at it or not, you are teaching your child emotional intelligence .. so why not do it right?

My ebook, "How to Develop Your Child's EQ" will show you how. Order it HERE.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. So it a heart!

A . . . angry
B . . . bitter
C . . . curt

and so it goes ...

Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com says Learn about Emotional Intelligence

Profile: Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com - Accountancy Age

Paolo Piero FD of an online company says:

Be emotional: If you have the opportunity to learn about emotional intelligence, do so. It enables you to find the optimum way to interact with all types of people in order to get the best results.

‘Working with very senior people can make you feel intimidated or inspired, depending on how your emotional intelligence is developed. It’s a good skill to identify as it’s a real differentiator. Other more technical skills are great to have but are often taken as a given.’

You have a chance to learn about emotional intelligence here. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information on this exciting program that can amp your career and relationships in ways you can't imagine.

The Tiger and the Tiger Within

Psychology, articles and many more… » 2006 » July

When you study emotional intelligence you will learn about your three brains. One of them can act as primitive and as potentially harmful as a tiger. It pays to get to know this tiger within, so you can anticipate, ameliorate, control, and manage for more success in your life and relationships.

Take the EQ Course and learn more. Individual coaching available and recommended for best results.

"This has changed my life." Kathy T., March 2007

Get Emotional Intelligence Certification on Your Resume for Career Success

GET EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE CERTIFICATION ON YOUR RESUME THIS YEAR IF YOU WANT YOUR CAREER TO ADVANCE
email me for information on my program and receive an Emotional Intelligence certificate.
You'll be way ahead of the game in all the ways that count. This is something that will really open doors to you.

Article appearing on the globeandmail.com talks about "trends to embrace and watch out for" in terms of career intelligence. The author, Barbara Moses, lauds coaching, and pegs some big trends.

"Ironically, while organizations talk about the need for broad knowledge, emotional intelligence and the ability to solve complex human problems, they ignore people who don't have specialized degrees. But these general degrees have taught them critical thinking skills -- the very skills that organizations are in search of."

Much of what she talks about could be lumped under "multicultural" - she mentions the generations trying to blend, but it's cosmopoliltan and global on top of that. Having a business lunch in the Renaissance Tower in downtown Dallas today, I heard as many accents as I hear in the dining room of the Royal Caribbean cruise ship where I've often been a speaker.

The cruise ships hire for diversity. It would appear that everyone has it now, whether intentional or not and how are you going to get along and get the project moving??

Clips from the article. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE training helps with every single one of these and is the underlying theme.

• management training
• the important of 'softer' skills such as emotional intelligence
• Coaching -- caveat emptor. Everyone wants a coach but check out the coach's credentials. I agree (and feel free to check out mine.) IVery important to check credentials in an unregulated field such as coaching. I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and a liberal arts background combined with many years experience in the work world.
• succession planning
• young people without specialized degrees are having difficulty finding work, and many older workers are still experiencing age discrimination
• Intergenerational tensions (this is a BIG one and you can only fathom solutions if you have high EQ
• older workers bemoan the lack of work ethic among younger workers
• Young workers want "old" workers out of their way and call the "workaholics"
• In Canada, non-mandatory retirement means "many older workers will choose to stay on in the workplace for both financial and psychological reasons -- leading to continuing frustration among younger workers eyeing those plum opportunities up the ladder."
• Diversity broadens its meaning. No longer women, visible minorities, those with disabilities and gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people, but ... diversity of age, life situations, personality and motivation. In other words, diversity reflects all differences.
• direction of diversity is changing. Emphasis is on inclusiveness.
• forget balance - you can have it all, but not all at once
• Leadership development - and this is NOT "management." Both are needed.
• younger workers catapulted into management positions with little basic training. (Great opportunity for coaching)
• work that has meaning
• people are defining success in highly personal terms.
• promotion for the wrong reason (demoralizing)
• authenticity reigns. People want to be able to express who they are in their work, and not have to adopt a corporate persona. This means that if they feel they have to compromise their values or repress their personality, they will look for another employer that represents a better fit.
• The employee brand/experience
  Organizations are turning their attention to building their employee brand, recognizing that they can't build a successful external brand for clients if it's not consistent with how internal staff experiences the company.
• The brand represents the personality of the organization whether that be flexibility, family friendliness, or challenging opportunities.
• midlife renewal (a big area in which I coach - I say "60 is the new 40" and I love coaching midlifers in transition - work and dating)

Read the article HERE.

Ask an EQ Coach a Question for Free

Where we're appearing this week! Nancy Fenn, TheIntrovertzCoach

Ask an EQ Coach a question for free.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

CAN MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?

In studying resilience and the sweet uses of adversity, and listening to coaching clients, I discover the same things over and over again. After a given point in time, the person acknowledges that a lot of good things have come from their adversities.

Mind you it isnt a guarantee that youll reach this resolution, but many people do end up being not only what they call better people, but also happier by their self-report and by my observations.

There's an interesting study done by Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts. He compares the well-being of lottery winners versus people who had become suddenly paralyzed.

The results of the study were that after the initial high was over for the lottery winners, they were no happier than the accident victims.

Read the rest of the article HERE.

______________________Low energy?

DEPRESSION ALERT

We are approaching "the most depressing day of the year." January 20th. It's the culmination of a number of things, including grey skies, bad weather, no vacation in site, budget problems, holiday aftermath ...

Be prepared. Take THE EQ COURSE. Call 817-734-1471 for coaching.

_________________

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Kidd Files for Divorce Claiming Cruelty - Anger Management is NOT ENOUGH

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE LACKING IN A SPOUSE - everyone's worse nightmare. Jason Kidd and Joumana.

When you read about the problems of Joumana and Jason Kidd, doesn't it give you the same feeling as "Fatal Attraction". It's the thing we fear the most, a spouse who is out-of-control.

In the papers filed in state Superior Court in Bergen County, Jason Kidd accuses Joumana Kidd of "physically and mentally abusing him, threatening to make false domestic violence complaints against him to police, and of interfering with his relationship with his children."

"The defendant's extreme and unwarranted jealousy and rage has left the plaintiff concerned about her emotional stability," the papers say. Read the rest of the article HERE.

It's sickening. Imagine what it's like for their children. Jason was ordered to take anger management after Joumana reported him once for abuse (and if you read what's written, it's possible she was setting hi up).

Anger management is not enough. It isn't just about anger, it's about emotional intelligence.

My "Anger Management through Emotional Intelligence" is a real landmark in a sea of "product" with debatable value that's also hard to assess. Are the same people offering "anger management" that offer "notary training" in California, and "defensive driving" all over the US - because it's court-ordered and easy money? And because judges are judges and are quick to say, as one did recently, "I'm a judge. I don't know physics." SOmehow this "anger management" got started. Does the teacher have credentials in psychology and coaching, and years of experience with actual people?

Anger is not, frankly, what it's about, as you can see. My program was constructed from years of work with people in the trenches. It is clinically based, and I have a degree in clinical psychology.

It's common for a person who feels (without being mindful of it) out-of-control, to marry someone who appears to be quite IN control. (Opposites attract). Someone like Jason Kidd, for instance, who says it's not going to affect his game, that's his job. Because there's no response from the "in control" one, the "out of control" one amps it up. The other one shuts down further. The game is on, and it's a very ugly one. And there is no winner, as we see here. It is a tragedy.

Violence and abuse occur because of a lack of emotional intelligence. The anger can be "hot" or it can be "cold"; it can be from depression, fear, and for heaven's sake, people also go bonkers when excited. If 90% of the people who win the lottery are bankrupt 5 years later, even beyond the winnings' interest, what does that tell you?

Our hearts are saddened when we read something like the Kidds' problems. And for all the superstars whose troubled relationships make the headlines, there are hundreds of thousands of "just folks" in the same sitaution, and emotionally unintelligent nightmare. The divorce rate is over 50%. It is higher for 2nd marriages and higher STILL for third marriages. "Hope springs eternal," but without emotional intelligence intervention, it is sterile hope, as the statistics confirm.

EQ makes or breaks your life. I'm thinking of a former client of mine, who was 49 at the time his second wife, 24 years old, pulled up to the parking lot at his work, screamed, threw things at him, and kicked him in front of his colleagues and employees. He owns the company and employs over 200 people, makes well into 7 figures, has a Ph.D. in engineering, has top security clearance from the US of A, and has made some of the - frankly - stupidest decisions in his private life that you can imagine. His first wife used to physically abuse him. He was 6'4" tall and weighed 250 lbs. and she was 5'1" tall and weighed 105 lbs.

EQ. It makes or breaks your life and, sadly, the lives of many children are involved, as with the Kidds' children. My heart goes out to all concerned. If the judge is going to grant joint custody, which was requested, I would like to see him order both of them to take not "anger management," but an emotional intelligence course.

Vendetta! Sangue! say Verdi's arias. And "vengeance is a dish best served cold" says Shakespeare. It goes on and on, and is really terrifying, and "anger" is the least of it.

South African Advertising Guru Speaks about Emotional Intelligence

ADVERTISING GURU NUROCK SPEAKS ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional Intelligence is having a global impact. Don't be left out. Contract for coaching NOW. 817.741.7223. Come learn with the best. We've been doing this for years ... everyone else is just catching up.

According to an article in businessowner.co.za (that's South Africa), Anne Nurock, CEO of one of South Africa’s top advertising agencies, Grey Worldwide, recently gave a talk at the Innovation Hub, Master class for the Business Owner in Pretoria. She shared her experiences as both a woman in business, and as a leader and manager of people.

According to the article, when first approached with the opportunity to lead the agency, she asked whether she could be the deputy instead. How like a woman!

She says that the doubt that she experienced in her ability is what very often holds most women back.

“Women tend to be self-deprecating, not believing they deserve success,” she says. Nurock says she now uses every opportunity to encourage women to be assertive, without losing their femininity. “It doesn’t mean that if you like to wear pretty colours and frills that you are any less of a business person in the boardroom. Embrace what makes you a woman, don’t try to compete with men. Not that I am knocking men down, but women bring their own special abilities to doing business. Don’t lose that,” she said. (Take a look at her photo HERE and see that she is intentional - she practices what she preaches.)

Nurock took the advertising agency from the solid, reliable, predictable staid reputation it had built up where it was losing money to the vibrant, profitable business it is today.

The article ends with: Nurock believes that emotional intelligence (EQ) is as important as IQ. “A leader is only as good as the people around her,” she said.

Amen! Now don't be left out. This EQ is circling the globe faster than you can say "better world". If you want to get ahead, feel good, and have your life work better - get into emotional intelligence.

Read the complete article HERE.

New Year's Resolution: Stop Annoying Other People

MORE ON NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

New Book about Emotional Intelligence and Coaching ... "What Got You Here Won't Get You There," by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter, soon to be released, and excerpted on businessweek.com. It's about leadership, but it's also about emotional intelligence and coaching.

One of Goldsmith's tips has to do with New Year's resolutions. Most of us make them. I don't, actually, because I'm a coach, and it's an ongoing thing with me that I model to clients. My "new year" doesn't start Jan. 1. It starts whenever I want it to; many times during a given year, in fact. New Year's day is as artificial as fake snow; it isn't even an astronomical event. So create your own any time you want to change.

Goldsmith believes in striving to be better human beings, we rarely resolve to do better in our interpersonal relationships.

Coaching clients are generally highly evolved and motivated, so I find most of my clients understand that the change has to be them, not the outer world. Goldsmith believes one thing crucial to good leadership is changing one or two interpersonal habits that annoy other people. Personal habits of your own, that is.

Fits with my definition of leadership which for someone as philosophical as I am, is eminently pragmatic: "A LEADER IS SOMEONE OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO FOLLOW." Want to follow. It's a feeling word. If you're brilliant, dedicated, highly-trained, highly credentialed, and know something I want to learn, but every time I get around you, you demean me ... I'll go "follow" someone else, thank you kindly.

In his book, Goldsmith outlines 20 habits that rub people the wrong way and tells how to break them.

Here are two:

ANNOYING HABIT NO. 1: CLINGING TO THE PAST

That's why I'm a coach. People have always loved to tell me their problems. After many years of this, in the workplace, I had an "ah hah" moment one day. Someone had come to me yet again to explain another person's behavior, and I blurted out, "I can tell you why, I can tell you all about their issues (I have an advanced degree in clinical psychology, plus am keen about figuring other people out), but you're still going to have to deal with them.

I can tell you why Fred 'bites people's heads off', he gives off clues about his childhood and the nature of his parents and of his brain and nervous system like a honeycomb oozes honey, but YOU are still going to have to deal with him trying to bite your head off. In fact it is a mistake for you to "understand" it if it means just sitting there and tolerating it. (Take my "How to Handle Difficult People" course and learn more about this.)

The same goes for your own "bad habits."

Emotional Intelligence is keen on this as well. I don't care why you're angry and throwing a tantrum. Just don't throw it at me. It may be a reason, but it should not be an excuse. Goldsmith's example is listening to someone nadder on about their father and mother and finally tossing a quarter at the man (a coaching client, I presume) and saying, "Call someone who cares."

One of the examples I give is about the young woman who popped into my office one day and said, "I'm going to be a real bear today. I'm PMSing."

"Not to me, you're not," I said.

PMS is no excuse for bad behavior any more than your past is an excuse for bad behavior.

Emotional intelligence shows you what else to do with your anger, joy, fear, etc. It's a choice, you know.

The point, says Goldsmith, according to this book review, is if you want to change the future, understanding won't get you there.

Not an original thought, of course. It's Einstein rephrased: You can't solve the problem on the same plane where it was created. (Albert Einstein)

ANNOYING HABIT NO. 2: REFUSING TO EXPRESS REGRET

Goldsmith frames it as losing face, essentially. Many people are highly invested in never being wrong it's true, and here we have a reframing of "would you rather be right than in relationship".

"It feels humiliating to seek forgiveness," Goldsmith says, "because we think it suggests subservience. We believe that apologizing forces us to cede power when, in reality, it's a great control tactic."

Goldsmith feels that "apologizing turns adversaries into allies, even servants. It is one of the most powerful and resonant gestures in the human arsenal--almost as powerful as a declaration of love."

In emotional intelligence, we look further than that. Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving is a component of emotional intelligence. It frees you and it can keep you alive, I mean physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We forgive not from altruism, but for our own health ... so we don't continue feasting on the skeleton, as the theologian put. Anger and resentment are delicious, but the skeleton at the feast is you.

Goldsmith reframes forgiving, apologizing, as forcing everyone to let go of the past.

Would that it were so. But to do this, YOU must be willing to accept the apology and move forward. The apology doesn't do it (can someone apologize for an affair? for running over your dog in the driveway?) ; YOU do.

It's hard to swallow your bile, and Goldsmith gives a great example: a young woman in a Fortune 100 company who was smart and had been brought in to bring about change. Everyone loved her except one of her peers, who viewed her as "arrogant" and "felt she didn't respect the company's history and traditions."

Goldsmith suggested that she apologize to this man, and scripted the apology for her to say, including that she had been disrespectful of the company's history and traditions.

Goldsmith believes there's magic in this process.

I picture this particular one as a scenario between a young adult and their middle-aged parent. From time-to-time I have a client who INSISTS that they cannot move on in their life until their parent APOLOGIES to them for not being there/favoring their sibling/leaving their mother/not sending them to college/'making them' be a lawyer instead of a pianist/never remembering their birthday/making them eat spinach.

What bothers me about this scenario is that the parent could equally demand an apology for keeping them all night/having ADHD/getting pregnant outside of wedlock/flunking out of the college they'd already paid $40,000 for/marrying someone from another religion or culture and messing up family get-togethers/inconveniencing their life with ashthma ... Except that in this society, we expect parents to parent, that is to "serve."

I had a client once who believed she was fat, at the age of 40, because of something her father did. But you see, her father is not there now shoveling mashed potatoes into her face. That's victimology. I'm going to write a book about this apology from the parent.

Goldsmith says apologies are a catalyst ... "how individuals change, teams improve, and companies become world-beaters. "

If you want to become even more successful in 2007, start by letting go of the past and learning to say: "I'm sorry."

Aren't those great? I bet there are more great habits to bust in that book. I'll be waiting for it come out.

Read the book excerpt on businessweek.com, HERE.

Emotional Intelligence - it's not just a buzz word

THIS 'N' THAT

Now you can ask the EQ Coach a Question. Go HERE. Tell your friends.

Coach certification program. Get in now before the rates go up.

Did you know I had a photo shoot over Christmas with First Women magazine? All about health and looking and feeling good. Let me coach you to get there.

Most New Year's resolutions have been broken by the end of January, and that's depressing. Let me show you a better way. Call 817-741-7223, or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

La Scala bumps "Candide" from their schedule. Read more about it on Club Vivo.

DR took the How to Handle Difficult People course and said how nice it was not to get drawn into the same old yada yada at the holiday get-together. Take it NOW while you still remember what it was like. Click HERE.

Have you taken the EQ Map? The best assessment out there. Go Check it out.

What's the most depressing day of the year? January 20th. Are you ready?

Can't figure him out? Will be come back? What do you do next?

We recommend:

• Essential Difference: Truth about Male & Female Brain.
• A reading from Semiramis. She unites couples. mailto:semiramis.appiamo@hotmail.com .
  email reading, $50. Phone reading, $100.
• Relationship coaching. Susan is "How to Attract Your Dream Man" for expert.com.

Volga Boatmen - Is that your job?

VOLGA BOATMEN

"Burlaks on the Volga River", this magnificent painting of Czarist Russian, is now in the public doman. Click HERE to see the painting enlarged.


You may also be familiar with the Russian folk song, "The Volga Boatmen."

The lyrics to the refrain are:
Mighty stream so deep and wide
Volga Volga you’re our pride
Heave ho, heave ho



You can hear "The Volga Boatman" here from an old Nelson Eddy movie:



Now take another look at the painting, please. This is an exercise I use in my Emotional Intelligence course, incidentally, and in seminars. In it we see a team at work, doing manual labor. You can probably identify some of the people in the painting. Who is the young golden boy? The one at the rear who seems about to collapse? The leader in the front, old, but apparently doing fine? Which one is you?

Now, on a blog entitled "Volga Boatman," a member of the clergy writes:

"Thinking about liturgical music, the Volga boatmen came to mind. Somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind is an image of men on a towpath, dragging a boat through a canal, accompanied by 'Yo, heave, ho.' And there are times when I feel like one of the guys on the rope line. Dragging the congregation through a Mass, dragging a choir through a new hymn or setting. But those are nothing compared to the way it's going to feel when we try to move forward from what many refer to as 'the four-hymn Mass' to 'ritual music.'

"Anyone who works in the church music world knows that after almost every Mass, someone comes up and tells you that she loves the music because it’s strong/tender/enlivening/
comforting/'real Catholic music'/up-to-date, etc.

That individual is followed by someone who hates it. It’s too loud/soft/fast/slow/traditional/
modern/hard-to-sing,etc.

[I used to be the Outreach Director for a church and greeted people as they came in the sanctuary. I would hear, "It's too hot in here/just right in here for once/freezing cold in here." Everyone should have this experience in order to understand what "leadership" is all about.]

However, that's not my point here. I have a few questions for you, actually.

1. Do you find it odd the clergyman didn't see himself as the man on the boat in the orange shirt? 2. Would there be anything 'wrong' if the leader were on the boat, not hauling?
3. What about if he were pitching in? He appears to see himself perhaps as the man in the front right. Dragging them forward.
4. If you were the man in the orange shirt directing this whole thing, would you feel guilty?
5. Did you even see the man on the boat in the orange shirt?

It's about the big picture:

• Not letting your emotions get in the way of your perceptions,
• About what you 'read into' a painting. We all do this. That's why there are paintings, and why we love them. (The great arts [culture] BTW, are an important component of emotional intelligence).
• The experiences you have had, and the emotions around them that you bring to apainting become your reality.
• Your beliefs and attitudes about labor, i.e., all work is slave labor and you are condemned to do it ... or think-work is lazy, manual labor is "honest labor"
• How much you identify with the people in a painting and why
• How much you know about Czarist Russian and if you can distance yourself to get intellectual; or, conversely, if you automatically intellectualize your emotions
• Your attitudes toward paintings - worthless nonsence, "not for me," "what's the purpose - why are you 'making' me look at a painting?"

Some people identify with the Volga boatmen, and immediately start talking about "slave labor." Others identify with the suffering in general (especially if they are familiar with this time period in Russia's history) and they usually fail to see the men on the boat, or to remember them. Some who are leaders see themselves as the man in the orange shirt, while others who are leaders see themselves as the man front left. Others might start fantasizing about never having to work. There are many reactions you can have.

One suggestion for the New Year, if you see yourself on your current job as one of the Volga boatmen - slave labor, and heave ho, heave ho - it may be time for a new job?

Call me for coaching: 817.734.1471.

The End of Advertising

THE END OF ADVERTISING ... IT'S COMMON SENSE

Common sense is one of the words subsumed under Emotional Intelligence. Like "maturity," it isn't easy to define, and it also carries judgmental qualities. So Emotional Intelligence talks about the components of emotional intelligence. What are some of the components of emotional intelligence that would allow a person to have good ole common sense? One is "intuition," or "gut feeling." Another is "good reality-testing."

So ... advertising IS dead. Haven't you noticed? Ah hah.

I caught an article the other day called "Embed Marketing in Products," by Mickey Alam Khan. He reports on the keynote address given at Forrester's Consumer Forum 2006 at the Palmer House Hilton in Chicago, by creative shop Crispin Porter + Bogusky CEO, which he said "raised the bar for ad agencies."

Mr. Hicks, who created great ads for Burger King, Volkswagen and Miller Brewing announced that, “We think the future of advertising is great products that have marketing embedded in them.”

How many ads do you see, for instance, for Starbucks?

I've never seen one at all. But didn't I just buy those cute cup Christmas tree ornaments and give them to all my friends who are Starbucks' frequenters?

They define the layers as: Advertising at the periphery, then layers of packaging and customer relationship management zeroing in on the target in the center: the product.

Perhaps you recall the viral campaign for Burger King called Subservient Chicken. At its peak, says Khan, the site was visited by 500,000 individuals who spent an average of 9 mins. on the site ordering the man-chicken to do their something. According to Kahn, "the campaign has received 18 million unique visitors and 450 million hits. Sessions today average 5 minutes. It all fit with the Burger King theme of 'Have it your way.' And it cost only between $40,000 and $50,000." (In case you are not aware, that is piddling for advertising money.

Does 'advertising' this way sound risky to you? "It never seems like a risk," said Mr. Hicks. "It seems like an obvious thing to do."

The agency also put all those funny quotes on the Burger King cups.

Well, participation and word-of-mouth are what it's all about these days. We love our polls, don't we?

You might be interested to know, in case you filter your blog, as I do, that comments on the Subservient Chicken site were filtered. "Every single comment," said Crispin Porter.

Another bit of common sense there. Open your blog and website wide and you get spammers, trashers, obscenity and advertisements from other people.

It's all about Emotional Intelligence. Read the full article here ..._
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To increase your emotional intelligence, take The EQ Course. It's on the Internet, it's participatory and it's a product that has marketing embedded in it. Almost the first thing learners report to me is that their friends and relatives have "noticed a difference in them." Each student becomes a walking advertisement for emotional intelligence.

WE DO MARKETING (not advertising). Call 817-741-7223 for immediate attention to your Internet and traditional marketing needs.

How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence

HOW TO TEACH YOUR CHILD
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

You gave your child lots of toys for Christmas, how about a really meaningful and lifetime gift for the New year?

In order to teach your child good emotional intelligence, you have to have it yourself. Order my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence".

Then take sdunn@susandunn.cc .

The EQ Course will raise your emotional intelligence globally and may be a preferred option for you. If in doubt, call me and I will make the appropriate recommendation.