The HIGH EQ Way to Choose the Right Man for You
Take a look inside him. Ask yourself these questions.

1. What's his EQ? Did you know you can measure it? Since your relationship depends upon your interpersonal skills, it would be smart if you both took the EQ-Map© and then worked with an EQ coach on areas needed. EQ can be learned. Go here - http://tinyurl.com/z94t .

2.Does he have deficits in the limbic brain? This is about eye contact, oxytocin, bonding, parenting, affection, using the word 'we'. If all you're getting is reptilian (sex ) and neocortex (intellectual), why give up good closet space when a Rampant Rabbit and Wikipedia would do?

3.How's the left- right brain balance? Talking to someone who's all left-brain is like getting facts from a machine. Talking to someone who's all right-brain ' they may not be organized enough to show up for the talk!

4.How 'male' brained is he? According to Simon Baron-Cohen ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738208442/susandunnmome-2 0 ), the extreme male brain is good at systematizing, and low on empathy. It takes the average male 7 times longer to process emotional information than for a woman to. What if it takes him 70 times longer? What if he can't get there at all?

5. How does he manage his anger? You need to experience this. Don't make a decision until you've had your first big fight. Make sure you both trust yourselves and the relationship enough to be able to disagree openly and come to a resolution.

6.Will he be there for you? As Oriah Mountain Dream says, will he 'stand in the middle of the fire with [you] and not shrink back?' It's a sign of maturity and character to be able to stand and deliver when you feel like running.

7.Can he be faithful? This isn't a philosophical issue. If it happens to you, it can hit you in the gut.

Male infidelity may be intellectually defensible, but emotionally it destroys the covenant of the relationship the way the radioactive contamination from a nuclear bomb destroys vegetation. It won't be coming back in your lifetime, and without it, there is no relationship.

8.Does he know enough is enough? One should never use more force than is necessary. Can he think before he speaks and then deliver just the right amount. And no more. It shows empathy, self-confidence, and self-control. This means resisting all urges to deliver the big one-two he knows would really really hurt you in a verbal argument.

9.Do you laugh together? If there's anything you can count on to get you through the long haul, it's a sense of humor. Wit gets bonus points with me. It can be used in public, and can save your marriage on a 6-hour car trip with a carsick kid and a broken air-conditioner. Silliness -- now that's the sign of true lovers.

10.Does he say nice things to you about you and the relationship? The formula is 3 positive things for each negative thing. Does he do this? Is he willing to learn?

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks on relationships, emotional intelligence, career, transitions, retirement.

Susan is the author of 'Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women," available here: http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html , the best ebook library on the Internet.

For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and put 'ezine' for subject line.

Mother's Day,a very emotional occasion

"Where Are All the Mother's Day Articles?"
by Susan Dunn

I went looking for Mother's Day articles for my blog and ezines. I write my own stuff, but I wanted to see what the temperature would be this year. As I perused the article warehouses, I found there wasn’t much, and what there was, was defensive.

One site I scanned had poetry submitted by readers. The titles? "Mom, Give Me My Baby Back," "So Much to Forgive," and "I Know I Was Difficult to Raise." Young women seemed to want their mothers to back off, while men were characteristically silent. If there's one subject both sacred and profane, it's a grown man and his mother.

Most men struggle for years trying to manage the women in their lives: the mother, the wife, the daughter. He loves them all, and cannot please them all. In fact pleasing one will often displease the other. It takes EQ and maturity to maneuver this land-mined territory, to appreciate the plenty, and dole out his attention with confidence. The place of the mother? He loved her first and has loved her the longest. More true today than ever before, with the divorce rate at 50%, and the fact that daughters often alienate from their father when he remarries. "Blood is thicker than water," my middle-aged client told me, as he faced losing not just his wife, but her family, and all their in-common friends as well. "My mother told me that," he said. Then he added, "But who ever listens to your mother."

As the proverb goes, "When you die, your sister's tears will dry as time goes on, your widow's tears will end in another's arms , but your mother will mourn you until the day she dies."

But how yuchy. How unmanly. Well, that, too, needs to be worked out.

There were some sentimental poems of praise, but they read phoney. "You were always there when I needed you"? No one can ever be that. That's simply not possible. "You will always be my mom"? Yes, in the grand sense. No, in the other sense, at least for those of us who don't try and steal our grown children's babies and lives. But, yes, the feeling will always be there, packed away in the place where we put the deep feelings we had, have, for relationships the nature of which has changed. My little boys are somewhere with their father, my ex, with my own mom and dad, now deceased, and a few others.

The silence is both sacred and profane. The love too great to write about, and the anger too uncomfortable to think about. Let's use a child-like word - "hate." Well, you can't hate your mother, that's all there is to it. That we spent a fair portion of our childhood being thwarted by her, as it seems to us as children, and therefore quite angry with her, is something we certainly wouldn't want to talk about on Mother's Day, but which will certainly come to mind, so we are silent.

We all harbor within that shrieking, finger pointing School M'arm who visited in our home at times, ready to crack us across the knuckles with a ruler, or worse. She took away whatever we wanted and loved - the kitten, staying up late, the "inappropriate" boyfriend, the spandex mini, THE FREEDOM.

To confuse things, our home was also visited by the Angel of Mercy, by Kwan Yin, the goddess of compassion, the One Who Comforts. Yes. She comforted us, the hardest thing on this earth to come by.

We seek it later in drugs, alcohol, strangers in the night, therapists, counselors, and ministers, as well as in prescription medication, yoga, mystical experiences, running, massage, and music.

That anxious, scratchy feeling we live with, which is a combination of physiological reaction, emotions and thoughts we call stress, is harder to assuage as we age, and we live in a society that's particularly opposed to the idea of a need for soothing. We would rather sweep it under the rug, endure our heart attacks and keep going.

It's as if we thought if someone took a 15 minute break during the day and sat in a rocking chair with a headset on, listening to Rachmaninoff, well, next thing you know, they'd be sucking their thumb and crying, or, worse, would never return to work.

Other cultures build more time into the day for soothing, like a long lunch hour, where everyone goes home for a visit with loved ones, a good meal, a nap, who knows what. Few of us in the US will ever know. One term being used these days is "cocooning," which is nice, because it doesn't raise alarm that we're all infants inside and likely to crumble at the slightest mention of that fact. Having recently moved to a new city, a big metropolis, I’ve noted that the large skyscrapers have a masseuse on-site – for the whole deal, or just a “chair massage,” with charges by the minute. I see this service being used.

It isn't "infantile" to react physiologically to stress by wanting to get the heck out of there. Like every other living creature, we like to feel good, and things, and others, and deadlines, and crabby people, and nasty tones of voice, and worries plague us and make us feel otherwise.

We want to feel smooth, with no negative emotions. We want out nerves and emotions soothed, comforted, smoothed out. Where is Kwan Yin when we need her most?

Mothers have it easy, because to comfort an infant is pure reflex, and feels just as good to the mom as to the infant. After that, once the infant is perambulatory, it is never so easy again, but every infant remembers, and every mother as well, and hopefully we learn a little emotional intelligence of our own.

So we get rid of that school m'arm finally, and take off on our own, and find a partner and set up our own home, and we don't miss the school m'arm, not at all, but the angel of mercy? What an ache. The partner can't quite get it right. He reaches out when you want to be left alone. She talks when you want silent understanding. He tries to hug you when your nerves are on edge. She won't let you get physical when that's the only thing that would help.

Mom would've known exactly what to do. Or so we think, in retrospect.

That part is true, or partly true. I generally knew what my sons needed. I might not be able to supply it at the time for various reasons, ranging from being busy with something else crucial, to not being there at all, to sensing they would fight my ministrations as "infantilizing," but I knew. Perhaps more importantly, I cared. I would have soothed and comforted them if I could have, and/or if they would have let me. I saw they were upset and I cared. Sometimes you can go days without having that happen in your adult life.

Of all relationships, the mother one is the most complex, because it's the most primitive. We knew when we entered this world we could not survive without her. Therefore it mattered a lot what she did.

I hope your mom was "good enough," that she got it right most of the time, and you knew she cared. Most of us, once we have kids of our own, get a big "ah hah" about the whole thing. I remember standing in the kitchen one day with the 6 year old screaming for help with some toy, and the infant just screaming, and their father screaming in his own way for something else, thinking, "Oh. Now I see. That must've been going on that time my mom forgot to pick me up at school."

Actually we work on this into adulthood. At one point my mother said, "I knew you were hurting, but there was nothing I could do." One day, in respect to my own grown child, I grew into an understanding of that as well. I had felt abandoned by my mother, and knew my son was going to feel abandoned by me. However, she did care, she listened, and she knew, in her wisdom, that anything more she might do would be moving in and taking over my life, which neither one of us would ever forgive. Now it was going the other way.

My mom and I, we had our good times and our bad. My feelings about her will always be ambivalent, and strongly so. That's how most of us feel about our moms. But I feel about her very deeply, beyond words.

That's why there's so little written about it. It's too important.

So go ahead and celebrate Mother's Day with all your various feelings, just like the rest of us, acknowledging what is rarely written – that it’s probably the most emotional ‘occasion’ on the year’s calendar. My son will be coming over at noon to take me out for lunch. I'm really glad he's coming. I just hope he chooses a decent restaurant, not one of those …

JUST KIDDING!!

For coaching, or coach training and certification, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Gifts and Emotional Intelligence

It's the thought that counts??

Well the holidays are over, and now the Valentine's displays are up in the stores ... another great occasion involving gifts to loved ones.

A touchy subject - yes, it is.

I received several requests for interviews on this "etiquette" from national publications ... about what to give whom, when and how. Is money OK? What about gift certificates? Hand made items? What if your husband's secretary clearly picked out your gift? Clearly a last-minute effort at having flowers delivered?

I thought this article made some good points about the thought behind the gift.

From the article Why Women Love Giving and Receiving Gifts
For the full article, go here: http://www.isnare.com/html.php?aid=212245

Unfortunately, this is why so many women may seem disappointed in gifts that they are given. It is the thought behind the gift that a woman is interpreting and when a gift is of something that the woman feels represents a lack of planning or is something that shows that the other person does not listen to their opinions, their likes and dislikes, they take offense.

To many women, a gift is an emotional representation of the other person's feelings about them.

... [I]f gift giving time is the only time a woman is really shown an
outward example of how she is appreciated, then the woman may have a valid point to put so much stock into the gift. In the same way, women as gift givers, who spend so much time and energy on finding the "perfect" gift, should not be using this situation as the only time they show their gratitude and love toward the people that they are giving them to. If such is the case, then they are as guilty as everyone around them. Gifts should never be a replacement for showing our love and gratitude for our family and friends. It all comes down to daily appreciating those around us in our words and actions and then any gifts that are given or received will only be extensions of those emotions.

Love the women in your life by showering them with praise and attention and whenever possible give them a gift ... to be even further evidence of your feelings. She will, in turn do the same for you.

How To Decide Who to Marry

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

Well, here's what some kids had to say.

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan , age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen , age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille , age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick , age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori , age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette , age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin , age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig , age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.-- Pam , age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt , age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard , age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita , age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky , age 10

How to Get What you Want

Ram Dass, spiritual teacher, author and professor said:

"The most exquisite paradox ... as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dream possible."

Let me show you how, what, when why and where to "give it all up." It's what I do - coaching you, so you can get what you want. My specialty is STRATEGY.

Email for free mini-coaching session, sdunn@susandunn.cc\ and mention this offer.

Take THE EQ COURSE - anger management, emotional intelliegence, better relationships, more success at work. Why not give this course to a friend or loved one for Christmas? Email me and I will send a beautiful ift card.

I work all holidays.
Take THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COURSE now and be prepared for the holidays, because .... guess who's coming to dinner? There are all sorts of testimonials on my website about these courses. They really work.


Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

You Gotta Kiss De Girl

I think he captures something here ...



Susan Dunn, The Internet Dating Coach. Email me and let's get started: sdunn@susandunn.cc .

About to give up on dating? Now there's help.

Dating and about to give up?? Now there's help. DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN written by an expert.

There's nothing like experience. I've heard the same things over and over, so I know what works and what doesn't in the dating arena. In interviewed hundreds of women in order to produce a manual that can help.

Let me make this easy for you.

Don't give up! Now there's help.

DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN*by Susan Dunn, MA
Attract Your Ideal Partner (and keep him) Expert

Are you trying to date and getting sick of the runaround? I serve as Attract Your Dream Partner EXPERT for a major website. I know what you you're going through. That's why I wrote this book. I consistently get rated "beat of the best" and have 10s in all categories - advice knowledge, expertise, promptness and courtesy.

Now let me share with you what I've found out. Order DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN - newly revised using information gathered from my experience helping women find, attract and keep the man of their dreams.

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Coaching available as well, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . It really helps.

Copy MySpace for Better Personal and Customer Relations

HOW DO YOU PLEASE YOUR CLIENTS AND CUSTOMERS?
OW DO YOU PLEASE YOUR LOVED ONES?

BE QUICK CHANGE ARTIST

We could all take a lesson from MySpace.

Why do users say they love it?

They keep doing what everyone really wants, and it happens instantly.

No sooner do you articulate it, than it appears ... now isn't that the heart's delight of all of us?

It changes all the time keeping up with what we want. Sometimes it's great new things you couldn't even have thought of.

There's always something new and it's all good stuff.

Learn how to be more flexible while still retaining your authenticity with THE EQ COURSE.

One-time coaching sessions always available, as-needed or scheduled. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Prince William and Kate Together Again?

Prince William, girlfriend reunited? - omg

Emotional Intelligence is about setting appropriate limits and the Royal House of Windsor has always been good at showing us how to do this.

In this case, we'd love to know if WIlliam and Kate and back together again, but William's offical spokeswoman declined comment.

"We don't discuss William's private life," she said. "It's a matter for him." She also remained anonymouse. in line with policy.

The couple appears to be getting back together, with what the article called a series of casual dates.

Want to know how to navigate dating after divorce. Order MIDLIFE DATING SURVIVAL MANUAL FOR WOMEN. Appropriate for anyone dating after divorce.
___________________________________________________________________
Lost love? Want to know what's happening? Contact Master Psychic Semiramis,
semiramis/appiamo@hotmail.com . Semiramis reunites couples. "She'll be expecting you."

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

Emotional Intelligence ... ANGER ... health problems. We know that chronic hostility is bad for your health.

This study found compromised lung functioning in young adults (18-30) who had "short tempers" and "mean dispositions." Ashthma and smoking were ruled out. At this point the study says harboring hostility and unhealthy lungs correlate, or go together, not which direction the "cause" runs.

This is link noting that ice cream sales go up in hot weather - does the hot weather cause the ice creams sales, or do the ice cream sales cause the hot weather? In that example, you don't have to guess, but in many health examples, it isn't clear.

Do you get short of breath when you get angry?

If you'd like to work on anger management, take the EQ Course. This is a comprehensive course that will benefit you in all areas of your life and inrease your emotional intelligence, which includes the intelligent management of anger.

Must be capable of handling college-level material.

Shaping Relationships that Work

Hmmm, there are some good points in here.

"Teaching Self-Love to Dogs and Humans,"
by guest writer, Charlie Badenhop

Have you ever thought about the many similarities between dogs and humans?

As a child I was quite involved in breeding and training dogs and I was lucky to have a very talented and wise gentleman as my teacher. I learned a great deal from him that I apply today in my work with people.

My teacher had six basic rules he employed when training dogs and you can use these same rules as a parent or professional facilitator in your workplace. Seem strange?
Have a read and then decide!

My teacher's first rule is "Treat 'the pupils' with firm yet gentle kindness and endless patience." No matter what a dog did, without any trace of annoyance my teacher would calmly and gently let them know when their behavior was not what he
wanted. He would also be very clear in letting the dogs know when he was pleased.

His second rule is "Consistently foster and support the pupil in developing a positive identity." My teacher used to say, "Never tell the dog he's "bad." If you tell him he's bad, he'll start to feel bad, and then the next thing you know he'll start to act bad as well. All the dog will really be doing, is confirming what you've just told him!"

"Don't confuse the identity of the dog, with the dog's behavior. No matter what happens, your dog is a "good dog." And sometimes your "good dog" will have lousy behavior. "Good boy, good dog, don't gnaw on the table leg!"

"Good boy, good dog, don't you dare lift your leg on those curtains!" "No matter what he does, it's very important for your dog to know his positive identity never changes." "If you think in terms of "good dog" now "bad dog" later, your affection for your dog will change like the weather and he will become confused, and not know who he really is."

Rule number three is "Let your pupil know she truly belongs, and that she has her own rightful place in the world." To help dogs fully understand this rule, my teacher applied a stroke of genius. He'd cut a small piece of carpet for each dog he trained and place the carpet in the dog's sleeping area for her to lie on each night. During the day he'd take the same piece of carpet and set it down anywhere he wanted the dog to sit. When the dog sat down upon his request he praised the dog for being obedient, and said "This is your place. You belong here." It didn't take long for the carpet to take on the distinct odor of the dog, and my teacher said this led the dog to feel "at home" whenever the carpet was nearby.

Eventually, my teacher would teach the dog to pick up the piece of carpet in her mouth, and carry it to wherever they were going. The dog would set the piece of carpet down when they arrived somewhere and sit on it, with my teacher all
the while praising her for being so good. At this stage, the dog begins to feel she truly belongs in every place she travels to, and every place feels like home.

The fourth rule is, "Teach by example." If you want your dog to be strong and calm, then you must be strong and calm in your dealings with her. If you want the dog to love you and live for the opportunity to protect you, then you need to teach love by example. You don't expect the dog to love you just because you feed her and give her shelter. The dog winds up loving you as a natural reaction to your love for
her. As my teacher used to say, "It's very simple. Love is a circle, it's not a straight line."

The fifth rule he called "The length of the leash." You need to be able to sense the dog's understanding of what you would like him to do, in relation to what he would like to do. If the leash is too short the dog feels coerced. If the leash is too long the dog has no idea what you want, and comes to rely on his own will and whims. Achieving the "just right" leash length is something you need to learn anew for each dog you train. Eventually you want to get to where you can think a thought, and have the thought travel the length of the leash down to the dog. Once this starts to happen you have a clearer and clearer sense that you and the dog are "one intelligence."

It's important to occasionally let the dog do what he wants to do, even when this runs counter to what you want him to do. This is crucial for building a good relationship, and sometimes you discover the dog has a better understanding of what is taking place than you do!

In the end, you want to take off the leash completely, and let the dog act from its own sense of right and wrong.

Rule number six is, "Treat your pupil as you yourself would like to be treated." Pretty straightforward yes? Don't for a moment believe a dog deserves any less respect than you do.

I ask you now, wouldn't these six rules work just as well with humans as they do with dogs?

................................................................
About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido
instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit
from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and various self-help
Practices, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure
Heart, Simple Mind" here.

Successful Seduction of Women

DARE TO LISTEN ( http://www.xlnc1.org/index.php )


THE SUCCESSFUL SEDUCTION OF WOMEN

Serving as “Attract Your Dream Partner” expert for a major website, I get questions. I get the same questions in my coaching practice. “I saw this girl in the bookstore and I want to ask her out. What do I do?” “I want to ask this woman out but I can’t get her attention.” “There’s this woman at work …”

Seduction is the art of getting what you want, and “four things greater than all things are: women and horses and power and war.” That quote is from Rudyard Kipling’s “The Ballad of the King’s Jest.” It appears on the dedication page of George Crile’s bestseller, “Charlie Wilson’s War,” about the War in Afghanistan. This book is a real page turner, the story of one man’s quest for women and mules and power and war. (Why mules? Read the book.)

However, if you check out “The Ballad of the King’s Jest,” you will see that it ends with: “Two things greater than all things are, The first is Love, and the second War. And since we know not how War may prove, Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love.”

So let us talk of love. Winning the hand of the woman you love is probably the most important conquest you will make. After all, no amount of success in the workplace can make up for failure at home.

So how do you go about it?

Being persuasive about anything requires a lot more than just IQ. It requires EQ – emotional intelligence. Facts alone do not persuade people. Nor do aggressive actions. Emotions do. You’re not going to win someone over – whether it’s for a date or for a defense contract – by the simple recitation of facts. There’s a lot more involved in it than that. How you handle the emotional quotient can make the difference in the sale.

As Daniel Goleman wrote, EQ can matter more than IQ for success in life. We see people all the time who are geniuses, who can’t seem to get it together in the field of human relations.

What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is a group of competencies which, together, allow you to handle your own emotions and those of others, and apply this to create win-win situations. It also relates to resilience, stress management, and wellness.

Handling your emotions? I’m thinking about the young man who wanted to date me in college – evidently quite a lot, because when I turned him down he replied, “That’s okay, I like your room-mate better anyway.” As we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not a good way of getting it. While I had not really made up my mind about him, he certainly sealed his fate with his response.

An emotional intelligence program will give you information about how the brain works, where emotions comes from, how to manage them, how to identify them in others, how to build resilience, become more flexible, and so forth.

A GOOD EQ program will also address the role of the arts – music, literature, art, dance. The Arts are included in The EQ Course™ because it’s an important avenue to addressing emotion and to whole-brained thinking. The arts provide, and build, effective knowledge and expression of emotion, development of specific important parts of the brain, affordable and fantastic stress relief with no bad side effects, and a sort of enrichment to your life that’s hard to put into words. In fact that’s why we have the arts – for the things we must deal with for which there are no words. See Club Vivo Per Lei.

Emotional expression? A kiss is still a kiss, yes, but what are you going to say when you hear the dreaded, “Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love”?

But there’s another reason why you might be interested in emotional intelligence and exploration of the arts.

One of the most interesting points to come out of “Charlie Wilson’s War” is that this congressman from Texas, whose war was the War in Afghanistan, and who eventually gained a seat on the Appropriations Committee, valued more highly his life-time appointment to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which gave him two tickets to any event he wanted to attend.

Why?

Because four things greater than all things are, and the first was women.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach, www.susandunn.cc . Explore the arts and emotional intelligence through The EQ Course™ and Club Vivo Per Lei . Susan coaches individuals on emotional intelligence and lifeskills, career and relationships. She trains and certifies coaches worldwide in an effective, affordable, fast, no-residency program. For more information, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

We're Just Friends but I Want More

CHECK OUT MY LATEST TOP TEN, www.topten.org

As an Attract Your Ideal Man coach, and expert for a major website, most of the questions I get fall into one of several predicatable groups. One of them is similiar to this letter.

Dear Susan:

We've been friends for years. I'm 30 and he's 35. I think we have a great relationship - lots of laughs and good times and we get along great. The trouble is I've fallen in love with him. I've never said anything. I want more. What can I do? Hint? Flirt more? I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I'm in love with this man. Please help.

Signed: Confused

Dear Confused:

If there's one truth in this world it is this: If the man wants "more" in a relationship, he will go for it -- no matter his age, "shyness," your situation, your attitude, your marital state, the nature of your current 'relationship,' or anything else.

I don't know if you are male or female, it doesn't matter, but this situation you describe takes place in offices all across the nation every day -- she's in love with her boss (or co-worker) and doesn't know...she thinks he does nothing because it's work, he's married, blah blah ...
________________________________________
Since I get to hear from so many people, here's how it works and these happen to be true stories with names changed, except for the last two.

1. 1. Mary wanted a divorce.

She went to Tom, a married divorce lawyer for professional help. Tom said, within 10 mins. and to her utter surprise: "I'm referring you to someone else because I want to date you."

2. Shereen was seeing a psychologist for whatever (in one of those states where you can 'date' a client once they aren't your client).

In the third session he told her he was terminating the therapy and referring her to another psycholigist because he wanted go have an intimate relationship with her. (He is the ethical type.)

3. Nancy had been in love with her boss, Larry, for 3 months, but #1, he was married, and #2, she needed her job and the policy manual said ...

In the 4th month, Larry asked her out on a date with direct innuendo. Nancy said "What about my job?" Larry said, "What about your job?"

4. Alicia is happily married.

She also can't stand a certain male client who had done some clumsy flirting. She ignored him. She managed to be away when she knew he was coming, assigned her part of the contract to her partner, wouldn't answer the phone if she knew it was he. Alicia had given him no encouragement, in fact quite the opposite. He tracked down her home phone number and asked her out.

5. Dr. John, an Ob.Gyn, put the move on Sandra during a physical exam.

He then left his wife of 25 years, and put his practice into jeopardy.

6. Samantha and Ted had been great friends for a year.

Samantha liked it that way. Ted wasn't her type. She had her eye on Roberto. Samantha and Ted went to the movies on Sunday nights. One Sunday night, to her complete surprise and horror, he reached over and touched her breast and then tried to plant a kiss on her.

7. Tiphany was a high-powered executive.

She hired Frank to be her secretary, file clerk and go-pher. The distance between their ages, rank, education, income and everything else was truly unsurmountable - from the outside, anyway. However, the first time she asked Frank to drive her to the airport, and they were, therefore, out of the office, he put the move on her.

8. Bill CLinton, married and the president of the United States of America, had an intern ...

9. The heir to the throne of England fell in love with a commoner. To marry her, he would have to abdicate the throne.

He did.

IN SUM: Unethical or ethical, disgusting or classy, appropriate or walking the line, interested in marriage or just sex, men don't let the grass grow under their feet when they want to "date" a woman. They aren't shy about it (no matter how timid they appear in other situations); they don’t care if they have a fiduciary relationship with her; they don’t care about anyone’s marital state; they don’t care about the policy manual; and they don’t care whether they and the woman are currently "friends", work colleagues, in direct work competition, or anything else. They could care less about "hints," "encouragement," or "flirting."

THAT'S WHY WE SOMETIMES CALL THEM "CLUELESS", BTW.

If he wanted something different with you, you would know it because he would take action.

(Incidentally, I have also heard from women who did take action with a guy like the one you describe, and got the guy to marry them, and down the line it doesn't work out. If he'd been interested and male, he would've taken action. If he didn't, but gave in, the woman is some kind of consolation prize, duty, last resort or something else you don't ever want to be.)

WORD: When a man wants something, he takes action and you don’t have to do a thing except defend yourself if you don’t want it.

Enjoy the friendship and attract another male who's interested in you that way. You'll know it by how he acts.
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About the Submitter
This piece was submitted by Susan Dunn, Dating Coach, MA, Clinical Psychology, Founding Member of Coachville, Professional Coach - Dating, Life, Career, EQ, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or visited on the web at www.susandunn.cc.

Susan Dunn wants you to know that she offers individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks and seminars. She serves as attract your ideal man on a major website, and has been a frequent lecturer on cruises. She also trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a long-distance, affordable, effective program. Email her for more information.

Queen Elizabeth II to attend first Kentucky Derby

FOX Sports - Horseracing - Queen Elizabeth II to attend first Kentucky Derby

What a great title for an article. It's so eye-catching and heart-warming.

"Firsts" -- they are the biggest -- the very biggest events in life.

Recently I took my granddaughter on her first real plane trip (she had been on that 55 min. one from Dallas to San Antonio). Well, this one was from Dallas to D. C. We had planned a "field trip" tour for her to see the nation's capital, and were focused on all the things she would be able to see for the first time, but what she was most excited about was looking out the plane window. For the entire trip - up and back - she never took her eyes off the window of the plane.

All your own "firsts" are wonderful, and when you are with someone else on a "first," it can be just as wonderful, if you have the emotoinal intelligence competency of empathy, that is.

It takes you back ... it makes you remember how you felt on that same "first." Oddly I don't remember my very first plane trip, I remember my first trip AFTER I had take Geology in college. I looked at the ox bows especially (and was quick to point them out to my granddaughter). Every time you see something for a first time, you stretch something in your brain. Then when you revisit it, with new learning, you see it with new eyes again. And then when you use emotional intelligence and experience it with another person on their first, you can feel again the thrill you had.

New things are essential to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence includes empathy - understanding that other people have feelings, and being able to imagine what they might be feeling.

It relies on nonverbal intelligence, another emotional intelligence competency. My granddaughter might have been afraid on her first real plane trip. Many are. How did I know she wasn't (besides her words)? Well it's all their in the nonverbals, a large part of emotional intelligence and how we express our emotions. Eye contact is always a big sign. "She couldn't take her eyes off" the plane window.

Well, I would like to be there when the Queen of England see her first Kentucky Derby -- the sport of kings, and a tradition for which we owe the UK a big debt.

She's seen a lot in her day, more than most of us perhaps. I wonder ...

You can increase the boundaries of your life, and deepen your enrichment greatly with emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence allows you to enjoy vicariously the experiences of others.

Learn it today ! Go to www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm . With emotional intelligence you will learn what the Spanish say -- la vida es corta, pero ancha -- life is short, but wide.

Remember? And what you remember is the feelings ... remember your

First kiss
First time you rode your bike
First day of school
First fight with your lover
First job
First day at college
First date
First train trip
First trip out of the country
First new language you learned
First great art you saw
Your first opera

Eyes and ears wide open??

Full Moon / Emotional Intelligence

TONIGHT IS A FULL MOON AND A LUNAR ECLIPSE.

Because of the business I'm in, I can tell you that right now many people are crabby, out-of-sorts, emotionally volatile, and emotionally under the weather right now. Relationships are being stressed.

It is a full moon. This has been well-documented to fill up jails, counselors' offices and hospital ERs, and confirmed by doctors, ministers and therapists.

It is also a lunar eclipse, thought to be "a full moon on steroids."

How are YOU doing?

Part of EQ is separating out what's internal and what's external. 911 for example, upset nearly everyone. It was an external event with near-global impact. If you then (1) picked a fight with your partner, (2) went on a spending spree, (3) ate potato chips or ice cream and gained 5 lbs., (4) began to worry about a million other small things - etc. you were choosing self-limiting and injurious ways of coping with the emotional force field going on.

Take the emotional intelligence course and learn more about you and your emotions -- and their emotions. It will help you balance and stay centered.
www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm