Survivor Guilt in the Workplace because of Layoffs

"While it is true that some business schools around the country are now incorporating emotional intelligence (EQ) skill development into their curriculum, millions of managers still have never been taught how to deal with the emotional elements of management. Even though most managers are enlightened enough to reject the outdated notion that emotions are to be avoided, they may lack the skills to provide adequate emotional support."

Nick Tasler, Overcoming Survivors' Guilt with EQ

Tasler has written a good white paper about the emotional climate in organizations today, framing it as "survivors' guilt". Tasler postulates that those who remain in an organization after many have been terminated, feel guilty rather than lucky. Which is understandable.

Tasler states that "A recent Accenture study found that 66 percent of managers believe that economic concerns are distracting employees and hampering productivity."

But guilty or lucky, there is still a lingering anxiety ... if they were fired will I be next? Who can be sure in today's workforce?

We don't leave our "emotions" at home when we come to work. And many of us, workers as well as managers, have not had good emotional intelligence training. If you'd like to learn more, take The EQ COurse(tm) online, with email support, or sign up for the course + coaching. Email me at sdun@susandunn.cc for more information.

Another emotion that is afloat in the workplace today is missing the people who are gone. What was once a team, is now missing members.

I remember years ago working for an ailing agency. It began with a workforce that included two of the best work-friends I've ever had. As the agency got worse (poor management), they left, and then for me, "it wasn't the same." Was I distracted and less productive? Certainly at first. I lost a lot of my enthusiasm. We were raising funds, and that always takes a supportive environment. I got the same work done, but it required a lot more energy. That amounts to "stress."

Layoffs also mean that there is more work for those left behind, and longer hours, and more stress. I've never seen it otherwise. I remember another job where I made the cut and even got a title change, and I was thrilled. Then it dawned on me. With XXX gone, who was going to do their work? Me. And for no extra pay.

It's for sure that workers today need emotional support in the workplace. If you're a manager, you can't afford to miss 'the elephant in the living room.' CHANGE is the watchword, and change is always an emotional thing. The typical worker today may be juggling the following:

• Anxiety about his or her own job
• A spouse who has been laid off
• Having to change mode of transportation - carpooling or taking mass transit
• Problems affording childcare
• Having to eat differenyly, i.e., bring lunch instead of eating out
• Missing team members and the camaderie and expertise they provided
• Dealing with others who are stressed, including their managers and CEOs
• Having to move because of foreclosure or rising cost of apartment

The list could go on an on. There are also the continuing emotional things to deal with. I consulted with a manager this morning whose employee's husband is dying.

How do you deal with the important undercurrents that our emotional lives bring to the workplace? Learn more. Learn how to turn the tide and make the emotions work for you. Take The EQ Course and learn more about emotional intelligence - handling your emotions and those of others.

Think it doesn't belong in the workplace? Think again. "Emotion" and "motivation" come from the same root word, meaning "move." As we say, Motivation is not a THINKING word.

Learn more! Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and visit The EQ Course.

What works when nothing else works?

Video on Emotional Intelligence
David Rakel M.D.

What we pay attention to, grows.



What heals? Love.
What do you say? See clip from Little Miss Sunshine.
2nd biggest cause of heart disease - stress. An emotion that is physical.
Touching that which gives life meaning.
Job of doctor - to help you define your absolute.

Spirit is the life
Touch hearts as well as minds
Love what you teach. The topic doesn't matter as much as your passion and love.

Good stuff!

Halifax Nova Scotia Fall Foliage Cruise on Norwegian Majesty

Our Fall Foliage Cruise to New England/Canada on the Norwegian Majesty began in Philadelphia, Pa, heading first to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Vacations are important for wellness. I learned this the hard way. I think I went nearly 10 years without a vacation. It's good to get away from everything, relax, get a different perspective and refresh yourself.

Every place we visited they said "It's rained the past two days, but today is perfect," and "this is the absolute PEAK of the fall leaves."

In Halifax, Nova Scotia, they are proud of their British heritage and also their Scottish heritage.

Do you recognize Theodore the Tugboat? He really guided us into the port and later we read about him at the Maritime Museum in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

EMAIL ME for a free mini-coaching session. Mention this offer. With the added stress we are all under these days, with the economic crisis, a coaching session can be very helpful.

Want to become a certifiec coach? I've trained and certified coaches all over the world. EMAIL ME to get started now. Reasonable fees, unreasonable results.

Brangelina and the Babies

Susan Dunn is a personal life coach, specializing in emotional intelligence for success in career, dating and personal life. Call 817-741-7223 or sdunn@susandunn.cc

We can't help but join in the excitement about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitts' new twins! Joining a brood with already 6 small children. We also can't help wondering how they will do it.

Even if there are nannies and maids, there's so much work to do, and lot of it emotional and demanding. CHildren learn their emotional intelligence from their parents, by watching how they react and respond to things.

How do we handle the stress?

• Maybe you have a stressful job where the demands on your time seem impossible


• Maybe you have two jobs and are struggling to put gas in the car


• Maybe you are in school and the pressure to compete combines with deadlines and tons of reading

Whatever the stresses you are under, you need to find YOUR way of handling them. Not everything works for each person. Let me guide you with coaching to find the way that works for you.

FROM THE MAILBAG

From Ben: I did the yoga thing and it turned out to be more like another job. Rushing to get there. Working at getting it right. I came home more stressed then when I went there. What's up with that?

From LaDiva: she told me to go to a park and walk in nature. so i did and i breated deep like i was sposed to and just started coughing from all that stuff in the air. and there were kids there fighting and dogs too. this doesnt work for me.

From Kayley: meditation would be nice but i just can't turn off thoughts in my head. seems to me like i'd do better running a mile and get exhausted physically. what do you think?

Well, whatever your stress levels, there IS a way to manage it, and it may not be what works for someone else.

Let me coach you to success and managing the stress.

How to Use the Holidays

If you'd like to learn more about your emotions -- get ready for the lessons!

The planet Mars is coming as close to earth as it gets in mid-November. We think we saw it the other night, big and bright. It's fitting because I just read Clousewitz on War, and A History of Warfare, by John Keegan. I also brushed up on my emotional intelligence. Why?

Because Mars is named for the god of War, and war has been around a long time - anger, violence, arguments, conflict - but like any energy, this energy can be used for good things, or bad things. It's self-protective (we fight to protect ourselves or our loved ones, or our possessions), but if you let this energy get out of hand, or misinterpret or over-react to threats, you miss all the better ways to manifest your "warrior spirit."

In the coming weeks we will have the holidays and the political scene, football, our relationships and our work situations to explore this energy with. How you experience the holidays will depend on how prepared you are -- emotionally. It is a time of intense extremes. Coaching can help you keep perspective. I'll be available all through the holidays for sessions. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

This intense time of year can make us more prone to temper tantrums, outbursts, violence, and even cruelty. But it can also bring fighting spirit for good things, bravery and even heroic acts.

Our emotional energy needs to be understood and modulated.

Beware of:

• Addictions rearing their ugly heads
• All the negative emotions - anger, guilt, worry and fear
• Extreme highs and extreme lows
• Fighting
• Over-reactions - including rescuing and over-helping
• Increased stress from hiding anger and negative energy we don't know how to deal with
• Intense startups that exhaust us and then peter our (one-week exercise program, the 2-day "diet")
• Fanaticism and proselytizing
• Stress, stress, stress - chemicals that exhaust and stress you and related health problems, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Remember that unless you trap them, emotions come and go. Don't FOCUS on the downside, keep centered, focus on the good, and "just say no" to the emotional rollercoaster. In other words don't focus on what you fear and/or want to avoid; that gives it power and traps it. Focus instead on good outcomes and positive things.

Email me @ sdunn@susandunn.cc for my
TIPS FOR COPING with THE HOLIDAYS.

Email consultation, phone, THE EQ COURSE

Honesty, the first step to happiness

HONESTY: The First Step to Happiness (guest article)

The cornerstone of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which applies to awareness of your emotions. "We are our emotions." Authenticity is one of the competencies. Being honest about your emotional state can be hard ... take The EQ Course to develop your emotional intelligence.

I apologize for the grammatical and spelling errors in the article. They are not mine!

Today's guest article:

Honesty is the first and most basic step to being happiy [sic] and healthy. It is not a surprise that it is teh [sic] first step in the 12-steps as well. The 12-steps are not just for addicts or people who believe in God. As a clinician I have developed an appreciation for how simply enacting the spiritual principles of the 12-Steps can drastically improve anxiety, depression, anger and addiction. Spirituality is more than just religion, it is a way of life. These principles are present in every religion, and are helpful even for those who are not religious. Let’s take a look...

Honesty. The first step in being happy is to be honest, not only with others, but also yourself. This means developing a strong awareness of self, what you like and need, what you truly can control, and your feelings and what they mean.

Many people who are depressed, anxious or addicted fail to realize the real reasons for their misery. They see the immediate answer---what triggered the negativity this time. What they fail to realize is that their fears and/or anger is usually all related to one or more deeper causes.

Humans have six basic fears: isolation, failure, rejection, loss of control, death and the unknown. When you get angry or anxious, ask yourself which of these fears you are experiencing, why you fear it and how rational that is.

For example, you may be nervous going in for a job interview---fear of rejection, failure, the unknown. Okay, they may not hire you (rejection from the employer), but are you also fearing rejection by someone else? Does failure to get this job mean you are letting someone else down such as a parent or spouse? Aside from the fact that you did not get the job, do you really care if the prospective employer liked you? In reality, does this change the way your loved ones feel about you? Yes, you would prefer to get the job, but if you do not is it really that much of a catastrophe?

Another part of honesty is being aware of how you contribute to your own misery. Do you fail to take responsibility for your actions and blame others, look for the easy answers or might you be intentionally making yourself miserable. Intentionally? Yes! Maybe not consciously, but there are many people who inadvertently sabotage their recovery, because being miserable is so rewarding. When you are depressed, wrought with anxiety or in your addiction, people pay attention to you, overlook/make excuses for errors and it gives you a built in excuse for failure. Many people are afraid of failure because they see failing at any task means failing as a person and/or they equate failure with rejection. Both of these are basic and powerful (though not always rational) fears.

To start to develop self-awareness, keep a journal in the morning and evening. It only takes a few minutes. Ask yourself, how do I feel emotionally (happy, sad, grumpy, lonely, resentful etc…), mentally (confused, sharp, creative, foggy…) and physically (sick, weak, lethargic, strong, energetic etc). [We suggest The EQ Checkin(tm) - Ask yourself h you are feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.] Then identify why you feel that way, what you can do to change the negative things, and what you have no control over. This is your journal, you do not even need to write in full sentences, just pay attention. In the evening, repeat the exercise to see if you are feeling better, if your interventions are working or if you need to do something differently.

Some things you can do to help yourself out include asking yourself:

 “Will this matter 6 months from now?”

 “Does worrying/being angry or regretful about this help me in any way? How could I better use my energy to do something about the problem?"

 “Is this worth the negative impact it is having on me and my family?”

 “What parts of this do I have control over?”

“What does this mean about me as a person?”

 “Realistically, what are the consequences of this?”

If you are tired, confused or “foggy” figure out why. Sometimes it is the easy answer---you did not get enough quality sleep. To fix this, set a wind-down routine. This will cue your body into when to go to sleep. Secondly, eliminate caffeine within 12 hours of bedtime. This includes soda, coffee and lots of chocolate. Set up your bedroom to be comfortable for you to sleep---clean, smells good, dark, quiet etc.

Often times, people are actually getting too much sleep or their sleep is fitful because of all the stress their muscles are holding. If you are getting 6 to 8 hours of sleep, try adding some physical activity—walking the dog, gardening, walking around the block during your lunch break, yoga, tai chi. . .whatever you are willing to regularly do for at least 20 minutes every day.

A third thing to evaluate is your diet. Too much sugar, caffeine or not enough water can cause confusion, tiredness, depression, irritability, difficulty regulating your body temperature and poor sleep. Make sure you are not dehydrated. If you do not like water, try lemonade, flavored water. Just try to forego the carbonation and drinks with caffeine or alcohol---both of which will make you dehydrated.

All of these things: awareness of how you feel emotionally, mentally, physically; awareness of what you have control over and what your body’s signals are trying to tell you will help you feel happier and more content. It takes practice to learn to pick your battles and accept you are not in control of everything, but once you do, you will see how much it not only improves how you feel, but also how much it improves your health and relationships.

This article is part of a 12 part series on integrating the 12-steps into a healthy life.

About the Author: Dr. Dawn Snipes received her Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling and Addictions and her PhD in Counseling and Education from the University of Florida. She is an ordained Christian minister . Currently she runs two online continuing education sites (http://www.allceus.com), continuing education for rehabilitation counselors, addictions professionals, social workers and engineers (http://www.engineeringceus.com) and has a part-time private practice.

Source: www.isnare.com

Susan is the author of "EQ & Addiction: the 14th Step" and offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. Contact sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Cardiovascular Disease and Emotions

How many deaths today worldwide? How many births? How many bicycles, cars and computers have been made today in the whole wide world?

Take a look at YOUR WORLD from a different perspection with the World Clock. I'm writing this at 11:26 pm CST and so far today there have been 15 deaths from leprosy in the world, 17,930 deaths from cancer, 40,262 from cardiovascular diseases, and 459 from war. God rest their souls in peace.

You can check for the day, week, month and year. I was amazed to see how many animals have become extinct this year. It doesn't seem possible - tens of thousands??

Cardiovascular diseases -- there's always a component of emotions and stress when you're talking about cardiovascular disease. There's nothing that stresses you physiologically like anger. It's one of the best reasons to learn emotional intelligence -- for your health. 5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours. Your immune system is your health.

Now there's a Budget EQ Course, so there's no reason to put it off any longer.

The Top 10 Things We Say When We've Been Hijacked

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE helps you live smarter, not harder

HIJACKED is sometimes also called FLOODING. It's when the strong compelling instincts of the reptilian brain take over and usually we do things we regret. It's when you're "blind with rage," or "go ballistic." The reptilian brain is concerned with survival and deals in aggression, territorial defense, and mating.

When you can't manage this, and can't get with the rest of your brain (limbic - bonding, and neocortex- thinking and "control central") , you do things like take someone's lunch from the break room because you're "starving," have an affair, say something to a loved one that you deeply regret, or have a harmful fight with your neighbor because his bushes are 2" over on your property, i.e., territory.

Here are The Top 10 Things We Say After We've Been Hijacked and act unwisely.

Coping with Change

SirsiDynix OneSource: Change – Arrghhhhh!

On the blog, Stephen Abram, MLS, talks about change and the emotional intelligence it requires.

Stephen is vice president, Innovation, for SirsiDynix, and the chief strategist for the SirsiDynix Institute (http://www.sirsidynixinstitute.com/). He is an SLA Fellow, president-elect of SLA, and the past president of the Ontario Library Association and the Canadian Library Association.

What he's really talking about is the emotional intelligence competency of RESILIENCE.

Wnat to learn more? My ebook "Resilience" is available here.

When It Is a Fact, Not a Problem

Emotional Intelligence is about reading reality correctly, amidst the emotional reactions pressing on your cognitive intellect.

I love this quote:

"If a problem has no solution, it may not be a problem, but a fact - not to be solved, but to be coped with over time." - Shimon Peres, Polish-born Israeli Politician

I like it so much because, with even normal intellect, solving a problem is easy. Dealing with a fact you don't like, however, is not, and requires a great deal of emotional intelligence.

Here are sme FACTS I've helped clients learn to cope with over time:
--An adult daughter who is damaged, vindictive and hysterical.
--A boyfriend who is, and always will be, a "stringer".
--A boss who has very low emotional intelligence and is a "difficult person."
--A colleague who is left-brained (or right-brained) and incapable of whole-brain thinking.
--Someone who thinks the client him/herself is a problem to be fixed.
--A controlling husband.
--An abrasive sister who likes to triangulate with the mother against the client.

With a FACT there are three (3) ways to cope:

+Change the situation;
+Change your attitude; or
+Leave

The first two (2) pertain to IQ. The last one pertains to EQ.

Learn to know the difference!

Learn How to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

Learn about the 7 Key Steps to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

THE MAJOR KEY IS WELLNESS ... being in top shape physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Emotions effect our wellness - as Candace Pert, Ph.D. says, our emotions are in every cell of our body. Try ARBONNE for feeling your best. You cannot follow any of the 7 steps unless you are robust, energetic and healthy. Shop safely online with me at MyArbonne. I use only their products, cosmetics, supplements, lotions (they are PURE) and I haven't missed a day of work (or fun) in 4 years. Have you? What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.
________________________________________________________
What's the key to a great workplace?

Emotional Intelligence ... according to Dr. Steven Stein, who studies emotional intelligence, or EQ, these are the 7 keys from his new book:

THE 7 KEYS (Go HERE to read the whole article.)

1. Hire capable people who love the work they do and show how they contribute to the bigger picture.

2. Compensate people fairly.

3. Don't overwork (or under work) people.

4. Build strong teams with shared purpose and viable goals.

5. Make sure managers can manage.

6. Treat people with respect and leverage their unique talents.

7. Be proactively responsible by doing the right things to win the hearts and minds of your people.

All of these are signs that the workplace has a high EQ or emotional intelligence. "Happy" people ar emore productive, and one thing we learn from studying emotional intelligence, which I like to combine with the StrengthsFinder assessment (because it is NOT all about "emotions") is that what makes one person "happy" in the workplace, does not make another person "happy."

Look around in an average office these days and you will find all ages, cultures, backgrounds, etc. I was observing one alpha male today. The office is under a huge crunch, and many are wearing down. This man absolutely LOVES to work and "churn it out." He gets HAPPIER as the pressure builds, more cheerful as the day progresses, and I find hi absolutely energizing. Why? Because emotions are contagious. There's nothing like a leader who can smile when the going gets rough, and can show what I call "grace under pressure."

Want to know more about it? Take the EQ course.

It's all about GRACE UNDER PRESSURE.

Full Moon / Emotional Intelligence

TONIGHT IS A FULL MOON AND A LUNAR ECLIPSE.

Because of the business I'm in, I can tell you that right now many people are crabby, out-of-sorts, emotionally volatile, and emotionally under the weather right now. Relationships are being stressed.

It is a full moon. This has been well-documented to fill up jails, counselors' offices and hospital ERs, and confirmed by doctors, ministers and therapists.

It is also a lunar eclipse, thought to be "a full moon on steroids."

How are YOU doing?

Part of EQ is separating out what's internal and what's external. 911 for example, upset nearly everyone. It was an external event with near-global impact. If you then (1) picked a fight with your partner, (2) went on a spending spree, (3) ate potato chips or ice cream and gained 5 lbs., (4) began to worry about a million other small things - etc. you were choosing self-limiting and injurious ways of coping with the emotional force field going on.

Take the emotional intelligence course and learn more about you and your emotions -- and their emotions. It will help you balance and stay centered.
www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm