Need to interview people over 50 who are dating

We are preparing to write the most extensively researched book on Dating After 50 yet. This is a very complicated issue - dating after 50 - and we intend to interview 100s more people about what works and what doesn't, what they mean when they say "blah blah", how to tell who just wants sex v. who wants marriage v. some sort of relationship but no committment. We all wish people would wear labels!

We've already intereviewed 100s of men and women, but we will continue gathering data until time off publication. This is not a fabricated book about what we think, or wish, or imagine it's like. We are gathering HARD DATA so you can finally get some information about what really workss -- and what doesn't.

We will show you exactly how to interpret it when a man says, "LTR not necessary" or "my wife used to beat me," or "Let's start as friends and see what develops."

Email me NOW is you are willing to be interviewed, anonymously or otherwise - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Do these pants make my butt look too big?

About honesty in relationships, and "the truth."

A constant sort point in male-female relationships has to do with "the truth." To many men, truth is an absolute.

There's a joke circulating about this now - one of many. Here it is:

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

He quickly replies, "Well you have perfect eyesight."

I hate to belabor the obvious on this one. It's a joke because we all know this.

IF you don't have tact, and if you confuse "honesty" with "the truth", as if you owned the truth ... please take some EQ training.

If you are a kind and decent person and a person needs reassurance, give it. It's the higher path.

The "truth" is a relative thing, subject to one's subjectivity. Kindness matters more in human relationships.

Is Sex a Cure for Depression

Is Sex a Cure for Depression? (sounds like a line, doesn't it)

Sex is a beauty treatment ... Lovemaking can burn up calories ...

Did you get this one in your email?

Dr. Dorree Lynn think there might be something to it. She received it from Radio Talk show host, Jim Bohannon, http://www.jimnotalk.com/.

Assuming there' s a relationship around it, it's emotionally intelligent. Statistics show that married men are the happiest (the single women, then married women, then single men). Isolation (bsence of emotional connection) is harder on our health than smoking, obesity and high blood pressure combined.

"It happens to be as good a medical and psychological prescription as I know," Dr. Lynn says. "It's pretty valid. "

Well here it is!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
2. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
3. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It' s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
4. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
5. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
6. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
7. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

DO YOU KEEP WALKING INTO THE BLADE OF A FAN?
Try the DIFFICULT PEOPLE course. It's on the Internet. It's interactive. It's saving people!! Click HERE to order. Just $29.95, less than a movie and it's effects last a lot longer.

Psychology Today: Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

Psychology Today: Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

Ten Politically Incorrect Truths about Human Nature appeared in Psychology Today, the work of Alan S. Miller Ph.D. and Satoshi Kanazawa Ph.D.

ISN'T THIS TRUTHS ABOUT OUR ANIMAL NATURE??

The findings are things like men are attracted to blond Barbie-types; humans are naturally polygamous; women benefit from polygyny, while men benefit from monogamy; most suicide bombers are Muslim; having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce; beautiful people have more daughters; Bill Gates and Paul McCartney have something in common with criminals (waning competitiveness); what Clinton did was “natural”, and men who harass women at work aren’t discriminating, they’re treating them like men--at last. Trivers-Willard theory included. Read full article here.

Some of these things are not just politically incorrect, they are things that many humans endeavor to avoid. They are wrong. And what they are 'wrong' to is our limbic brain and neocortex. We avoid them because we have emotional intelligence.

---Not all men leave their middle aged wives.
---Some people become their most creative and "competitive" in later years, in all fields: Goethe, Nancy Fenn, the Kentucky Colonel.
---When conditions in a country include things that favor suicide-bombing, the vast majority still say "no thanks" and/or emigrate to a country where conditions are more favorable to a good life.
---And some CEOs and alpha males don't get Neanderthal with men OR women in the workplace.

ISN'T THIS ABOUT OUR ANIMAL NATURE, our reptilian brains?

And hasn't most of our time on earth been about getting above the pure animal nature?
Civilized people have always tried to behave, well, not like animals.

Even the Pope comes around and apologizes for what is not just "politically incorrect," but plain out wrong. For missionary abuses aginst indigenous people of the South Pacific, for the persecution of Galileo Galilei (yes there was harassment in his workplace).

After all, it's is also a "truth" about our so-called "human nature" to kill what bothers you. It is the way that some of these alpha males have chosen to compete -- by wiping out whole countries. Just that the killing isn't mentioned, because that's really not politically correct.

We have 3 brains, and it's what makes us human. We are especially noted, as humans, for our neocortex -- the one that allows us to think about thinking. So while these things may be compelling from the reptilian brain, they need not be acted upon. In many cases it is best NOT to act on them. Just because it's in the range of possible behaviors available to you doesn't mean you have to do it, or should do it. Come on now.

It's fine to 'note' that you lust for gorgeous men who walk by. It's more emotionally intelligent, and more "human" (as opposed to opearing like an instinctively-functioning animal) to say 'so what?' and go back home to your husband whom you love and have made a committment to. For the Good Life.

Not all men want to marry a blond Barbie. They find a fine, loving brunette who might even be middle-aged, whom they know will make a good wife. It isn't all about the passing on of the genes. It's isn't all about the reptilian brain which was programmed eons ago.

It's time to crawl up out of the swamp, as it were. It isn't all about what your genes think would make your genes survive. i.e., IT ISN"T ALL ABOUT YOU.

Of course it's good to know that some people function mindlessly at this level so you can be prepared. EQ -- if something's likely to be used against you, it's good to know about it!

You Gotta Kiss De Girl

I think he captures something here ...



Susan Dunn, The Internet Dating Coach. Email me and let's get started: sdunn@susandunn.cc .

About to give up on dating? Now there's help.

Dating and about to give up?? Now there's help. DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN written by an expert.

There's nothing like experience. I've heard the same things over and over, so I know what works and what doesn't in the dating arena. In interviewed hundreds of women in order to produce a manual that can help.

Let me make this easy for you.

Don't give up! Now there's help.

DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN*by Susan Dunn, MA
Attract Your Ideal Partner (and keep him) Expert

Are you trying to date and getting sick of the runaround? I serve as Attract Your Dream Partner EXPERT for a major website. I know what you you're going through. That's why I wrote this book. I consistently get rated "beat of the best" and have 10s in all categories - advice knowledge, expertise, promptness and courtesy.

Now let me share with you what I've found out. Order DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN - newly revised using information gathered from my experience helping women find, attract and keep the man of their dreams.

*special section on Internet dating -- the odds are in your favor, ladies, when you date on the Internet -- provided you know what you're doing. We show you how.

Coaching available as well, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . It really helps.

Dating Success Manual for Women

At last there's help.











DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN*
by Susan Dunn, MA
Attract Your Ideal Partner (and keep him) Expert



Are you trying to date and getting sick of the runaround? I serve as Attract Your Dream Partner EXPERT for a major website. I know what you're going through because I've listened to hundreds of women trying to figure out what they're doing wrong who were ready to give up. This ebook provides the guidance you need to make a success of it.


There's nothing like experience. I've heard the same things over and over, so I know what does not work, and what does work. Let me make it easy for you.


Don't give up! Now there's help.


Order DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN - newly revised using information gathered from my experience helping women find, attract and keep the man of their dreams.



*special section on Internet dating -- the odds are in your favor, ladies, when you date on the Internet -- provided you know what you're doing. We show you how.

Susan is Attract your dream mate expert for a major website. She is consistently ratef "best of the best" with 10s in all cetegories. She has interviewed hundreds of woman in order to create this book so you can really get help.

The Top 10 Things We Say When We've Been Hijacked

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE helps you live smarter, not harder

HIJACKED is sometimes also called FLOODING. It's when the strong compelling instincts of the reptilian brain take over and usually we do things we regret. It's when you're "blind with rage," or "go ballistic." The reptilian brain is concerned with survival and deals in aggression, territorial defense, and mating.

When you can't manage this, and can't get with the rest of your brain (limbic - bonding, and neocortex- thinking and "control central") , you do things like take someone's lunch from the break room because you're "starving," have an affair, say something to a loved one that you deeply regret, or have a harmful fight with your neighbor because his bushes are 2" over on your property, i.e., territory.

Here are The Top 10 Things We Say After We've Been Hijacked and act unwisely.

Successful Seduction of Women

DARE TO LISTEN ( http://www.xlnc1.org/index.php )


THE SUCCESSFUL SEDUCTION OF WOMEN

Serving as “Attract Your Dream Partner” expert for a major website, I get questions. I get the same questions in my coaching practice. “I saw this girl in the bookstore and I want to ask her out. What do I do?” “I want to ask this woman out but I can’t get her attention.” “There’s this woman at work …”

Seduction is the art of getting what you want, and “four things greater than all things are: women and horses and power and war.” That quote is from Rudyard Kipling’s “The Ballad of the King’s Jest.” It appears on the dedication page of George Crile’s bestseller, “Charlie Wilson’s War,” about the War in Afghanistan. This book is a real page turner, the story of one man’s quest for women and mules and power and war. (Why mules? Read the book.)

However, if you check out “The Ballad of the King’s Jest,” you will see that it ends with: “Two things greater than all things are, The first is Love, and the second War. And since we know not how War may prove, Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love.”

So let us talk of love. Winning the hand of the woman you love is probably the most important conquest you will make. After all, no amount of success in the workplace can make up for failure at home.

So how do you go about it?

Being persuasive about anything requires a lot more than just IQ. It requires EQ – emotional intelligence. Facts alone do not persuade people. Nor do aggressive actions. Emotions do. You’re not going to win someone over – whether it’s for a date or for a defense contract – by the simple recitation of facts. There’s a lot more involved in it than that. How you handle the emotional quotient can make the difference in the sale.

As Daniel Goleman wrote, EQ can matter more than IQ for success in life. We see people all the time who are geniuses, who can’t seem to get it together in the field of human relations.

What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is a group of competencies which, together, allow you to handle your own emotions and those of others, and apply this to create win-win situations. It also relates to resilience, stress management, and wellness.

Handling your emotions? I’m thinking about the young man who wanted to date me in college – evidently quite a lot, because when I turned him down he replied, “That’s okay, I like your room-mate better anyway.” As we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not a good way of getting it. While I had not really made up my mind about him, he certainly sealed his fate with his response.

An emotional intelligence program will give you information about how the brain works, where emotions comes from, how to manage them, how to identify them in others, how to build resilience, become more flexible, and so forth.

A GOOD EQ program will also address the role of the arts – music, literature, art, dance. The Arts are included in The EQ Course™ because it’s an important avenue to addressing emotion and to whole-brained thinking. The arts provide, and build, effective knowledge and expression of emotion, development of specific important parts of the brain, affordable and fantastic stress relief with no bad side effects, and a sort of enrichment to your life that’s hard to put into words. In fact that’s why we have the arts – for the things we must deal with for which there are no words. See Club Vivo Per Lei.

Emotional expression? A kiss is still a kiss, yes, but what are you going to say when you hear the dreaded, “Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love”?

But there’s another reason why you might be interested in emotional intelligence and exploration of the arts.

One of the most interesting points to come out of “Charlie Wilson’s War” is that this congressman from Texas, whose war was the War in Afghanistan, and who eventually gained a seat on the Appropriations Committee, valued more highly his life-time appointment to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which gave him two tickets to any event he wanted to attend.

Why?

Because four things greater than all things are, and the first was women.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach, www.susandunn.cc . Explore the arts and emotional intelligence through The EQ Course™ and Club Vivo Per Lei . Susan coaches individuals on emotional intelligence and lifeskills, career and relationships. She trains and certifies coaches worldwide in an effective, affordable, fast, no-residency program. For more information, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

We're Just Friends but I Want More

CHECK OUT MY LATEST TOP TEN, www.topten.org

As an Attract Your Ideal Man coach, and expert for a major website, most of the questions I get fall into one of several predicatable groups. One of them is similiar to this letter.

Dear Susan:

We've been friends for years. I'm 30 and he's 35. I think we have a great relationship - lots of laughs and good times and we get along great. The trouble is I've fallen in love with him. I've never said anything. I want more. What can I do? Hint? Flirt more? I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I'm in love with this man. Please help.

Signed: Confused

Dear Confused:

If there's one truth in this world it is this: If the man wants "more" in a relationship, he will go for it -- no matter his age, "shyness," your situation, your attitude, your marital state, the nature of your current 'relationship,' or anything else.

I don't know if you are male or female, it doesn't matter, but this situation you describe takes place in offices all across the nation every day -- she's in love with her boss (or co-worker) and doesn't know...she thinks he does nothing because it's work, he's married, blah blah ...
________________________________________
Since I get to hear from so many people, here's how it works and these happen to be true stories with names changed, except for the last two.

1. 1. Mary wanted a divorce.

She went to Tom, a married divorce lawyer for professional help. Tom said, within 10 mins. and to her utter surprise: "I'm referring you to someone else because I want to date you."

2. Shereen was seeing a psychologist for whatever (in one of those states where you can 'date' a client once they aren't your client).

In the third session he told her he was terminating the therapy and referring her to another psycholigist because he wanted go have an intimate relationship with her. (He is the ethical type.)

3. Nancy had been in love with her boss, Larry, for 3 months, but #1, he was married, and #2, she needed her job and the policy manual said ...

In the 4th month, Larry asked her out on a date with direct innuendo. Nancy said "What about my job?" Larry said, "What about your job?"

4. Alicia is happily married.

She also can't stand a certain male client who had done some clumsy flirting. She ignored him. She managed to be away when she knew he was coming, assigned her part of the contract to her partner, wouldn't answer the phone if she knew it was he. Alicia had given him no encouragement, in fact quite the opposite. He tracked down her home phone number and asked her out.

5. Dr. John, an Ob.Gyn, put the move on Sandra during a physical exam.

He then left his wife of 25 years, and put his practice into jeopardy.

6. Samantha and Ted had been great friends for a year.

Samantha liked it that way. Ted wasn't her type. She had her eye on Roberto. Samantha and Ted went to the movies on Sunday nights. One Sunday night, to her complete surprise and horror, he reached over and touched her breast and then tried to plant a kiss on her.

7. Tiphany was a high-powered executive.

She hired Frank to be her secretary, file clerk and go-pher. The distance between their ages, rank, education, income and everything else was truly unsurmountable - from the outside, anyway. However, the first time she asked Frank to drive her to the airport, and they were, therefore, out of the office, he put the move on her.

8. Bill CLinton, married and the president of the United States of America, had an intern ...

9. The heir to the throne of England fell in love with a commoner. To marry her, he would have to abdicate the throne.

He did.

IN SUM: Unethical or ethical, disgusting or classy, appropriate or walking the line, interested in marriage or just sex, men don't let the grass grow under their feet when they want to "date" a woman. They aren't shy about it (no matter how timid they appear in other situations); they don’t care if they have a fiduciary relationship with her; they don’t care about anyone’s marital state; they don’t care about the policy manual; and they don’t care whether they and the woman are currently "friends", work colleagues, in direct work competition, or anything else. They could care less about "hints," "encouragement," or "flirting."

THAT'S WHY WE SOMETIMES CALL THEM "CLUELESS", BTW.

If he wanted something different with you, you would know it because he would take action.

(Incidentally, I have also heard from women who did take action with a guy like the one you describe, and got the guy to marry them, and down the line it doesn't work out. If he'd been interested and male, he would've taken action. If he didn't, but gave in, the woman is some kind of consolation prize, duty, last resort or something else you don't ever want to be.)

WORD: When a man wants something, he takes action and you don’t have to do a thing except defend yourself if you don’t want it.

Enjoy the friendship and attract another male who's interested in you that way. You'll know it by how he acts.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About the Submitter
This piece was submitted by Susan Dunn, Dating Coach, MA, Clinical Psychology, Founding Member of Coachville, Professional Coach - Dating, Life, Career, EQ, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or visited on the web at www.susandunn.cc.

Susan Dunn wants you to know that she offers individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks and seminars. She serves as attract your ideal man on a major website, and has been a frequent lecturer on cruises. She also trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a long-distance, affordable, effective program. Email her for more information.