Roadstop!

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ON THE ROAD

Me 'n' my bros took a catnap on the way back from Richmond. I realized I was just too tired to be driving, so I pulled off into a truck stop, where all the LD drivers pull over to take a nap when they need to.

BTW, in Europe, the tour bus drivers have to clock in and out with a card proving that every so many hours, they pull over and rest for X number of minutes. Their logs are checked regularly to make sure they are doing this. Of course it gives us on the bus time for a drink, rest stop, buy a souvenir, etc. It's a win-win. They say it has improved safety over there by a huge percent.

I dozed for about 20 minutes, then woke up and was ready to go again.

Learning news material is exhilirating and also exhausting. Come learn what I learned. I am incorporating new material in the EQ Course, Resilience course, and coach certification program all the time.

Reflections after Christmas about Health and Prosperity in the New Year

TA DA! LOOK WHAT I LEARNED
Send me your Life Lessons Learned in 2008, sdunn@susandunn.cc



Reflections After Christmas About Health & Prosperity in the New Year
by Susan Dunn, MA, Coach, Coach Certification Program




Another Christmas come and gone. What a workout for the emotions!

I'm the EQ Coach, it's true, but that doesn't mean I know all there is to know about emotional
management - it's a lifelong proposition; and it doesn't mean my emotions don't give me a ride for their money - remember, 2 of our 3 brains don't take orders.

I study emotional intelligence all the time, both intellectually and in interaction with my clients who are working on theirs, and through the wonderful people who take my seminars and workshops. We learn together, and I'm oh so glad for what I've learned about emotional awareness and management. I reminded myself many times of the tenets of emotional intelligence during Christmas, and it was very helpful.

Resilience

This Christmas was especially joyful for me, and also very heart−rending. I'm preparing my house to sell. No big deal, you say? As we say in the field, it isn't what's happening, it's what it means to you. This is the home I raised my children in as a busy single parent. It's also the lifelong home of my son who died, at 21, just a few years ago. For months I couldn't touch his room, as happens to many parents who lose their children. My coach, bless her, told me to move up to Dallas to be near my surviving son. How could I? His smell was still in his room. New painting and carpeting have removed this last earthly reminder of him, though I suppose it was long gone, and I packed up the things of his I've kept, preparing for the move. There are lots of memories in this house. But life goes on ... and change is good.

Intentionality

At the same time, my older son and his family are coming from Dallas to spend this Christmas me -our last in this house. I asked myself many times what my intentions were, to remind myself. I had a choice. I could either give into the sorrow completely, or I could stuff it down and slap on a happy face. What would an emotionally intelligent person do? She would experience all the emotions as they come and go, feeling the pain, feeling the joy, and celebrating Christmas.
My intention was to enjoy the last Christmas in this home, with happiness in the way Dr. Seligman, the guru of Optimism, means it. There is happiness from pleasure, goodness and meaning, he says, and only one of these necessarily involves what we call "positive emotions." The Life of Pleasure, we're all familiar with - from sugar cookies, to orgasms, to new toys. The Good Life, he says, is getting in touch with your strengths, knowing them and crafting your work, love, friendship, leisure and parenting to use these for flow in your life. The Meaningful Life, on the other hand, involves using these strengths in the service of something you believe is larger than you are.

I also intended to establish a budget and stay within it. This is a very emotionally intelligent thing to do if you want to enjoy the months after Christmas. If you do, there are no reparations to make!

Meaningful Life

Intentionality also means focusing on the task at hand and not being distracted. And Learned Optimism means avoiding the downward spiral. The happy, smiley, ebullient cheerful affect, which psychologist's call "positive affectivity" is inherited he says, and has a normal distribution. This means about half of us have it, and the rest of us don't. It is not, therefore, associated with anything but what you've been born with. Interesting.

Further, he adds, the amount of pleasure in life you have does not add to life satisfaction.
My intention, then, was to experience this last Christmas in this house to the fullest. This meant I was able to take my granddaughter to the church Christmas pageant. My son who died used to sing with the San Antonio Boys Choir. He had the voice of an angel. One special memory is the year the Choir accompanied the SA Symphony and Houston Ballet, singing the chorus of the Snowflakes at the end of Act I. I drove a carload of the boys down for rehearsals, and amidst the usual young−boy activities, one of the other of them would start humming the haunting melody. It's meant for young boy voices. (Don't attend a "Nutcracker" that uses a recording of adult voices!!) My granddaughter sang it to me in the car on the way to church. Life is bittersweet; emotions are bittersweet. Later during the church service, her shenanigans kept me distracted and in touch with the moment. I was also able to delight in the children who sang, the children who were alive, so very alive.

Life goes on and we go with it. And so do our emotions.

Reserves

I lecture on emotional intelligence on cruises, and I scheduled one for the first two weeks in December. Cruises are relaxing and rejuvenating to me. It was a good idea. Give this to myself, I said before scheduling it, and I did, and I was glad. I approached Christmas tan and rested. One thing I would do if I had my life to do over, is take a vacation like that every year.
Reserves apply to all areas of life - health, rest, money, friendships.

I wrote articles before Christmas about expecting chaos and being surprised if things went right. In past year's, I've written to expect something crucial to malfunction - your dishwasher, the garbage disposal, the washing machine, the oven! For some reason I forgot that this year. After all, the year my son arrived home with a trunk full of dirty laundry, the dryer had broken. I knew to count on this sort of thing. So, when I woke up the morning before my houseguests arrived and found no heat, I reminded myself this was to be expected and nothing to get upset over. It didn't quite bust my December budget. Always have reserves!

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the enemy of everything good. It puts us in a no−win situation, where others can't please us, and we can't please ourselves. I coach this, and I coach myself on it. As I cruised the grocery aisles choosing items for the Christmas dinner - food, drinks and decorations - I reminded myself that my Christmas meals didn't have to be perfect, they could be "good enough." When this item or that was missing, I reminded myself to be flexible and creative. If not that, then something else.

Relentlessly & Adamantly Self−forgiving

One thing that's hard for perfectionists, and probably for everyone is that sense of personal failure. Of course I could say to myself that if I'd shopped sooner, the shelves wouldn't be bare of the desired white sprinkles, Christmas plates, and smaller turkeys, but what would your emotional intelligence coach tell you? To be self−forgiving.

Flexibility & Creativity

I had to have a red tablecloth ... had to, to make it all work ... the centerpiece, the decorations, the plates. Well, there was no red tablecloth to be had. I could either shop in other stores, when there wasn't time, according to my plan and intentionality. Time to be flexible and creative, I reminded myself. Hadn't I just gone through this with a coaching client. There were other things available in the store, and other things I could use at home. I took it as a challenge to my creativity and put it all together in my head and moved on. Of course it turned out "good enough."

Social Network

It's a good time of year to have a strong social network! People who know you, the real you. My friend who also lost a child, who knows what it likes. Other people who don't, which is nice, too. And it's nice when you're a coach. My work is meaningful to me, and my clients have wonderful EQs and are just wonderful people. I received many emails, card and phone calls expressing their appreciation. On client in particular with whom I've worked for a year. He was unemployed for 11 months. He finally got a job a week ago, being invited back to a former job where he'd been treating poorly, and it seemed to be exceptionally great for him to receive this affirmation. "They're calling it as Christmas miracle," he said. The staff has welcomed him back with open arms. He called to tell me that 3 things had gotten him through this year - one of them being me, his coach. This gives me great satisfaction.

I also need the strong social network because I work in coaching. It's an emotional and turbulent time of year for people, my clients not excluded. It the wonderful circle of life, they on me, and I lean on others. We all support, learn and grow.

Emotional Intelligence

Seligman refers to hedonic motive, pursuing pleasure, enjoyment and comfort, and eudaimonic
motives, pursuing personal growth, development of potential, achieving personal excellence and
contributing to the lives of others. "Eudaimonic pursuits [are] significantly correlated with life
satisfactions," Seligman says, "whereas hedonic pursuits [are] not."

This week after Christmas, I'm busy putting the final touches on the new emotional intelligence
programs and ebooks for the New Year. I'm asking all my ezine subscribers to send in their "life
lessons from last year." It is my intent to make EQ available to even more people in the coming year, and continue the outreach to business to incorporate EQ programs.

It's time for resolutions ... and intentionality is what will make resolutions that work.

As the dust settles after Christmas, and our thoughts turn to the New Year, it's good to ponder what worked last year and what didn't, and to make resolutions to change, grow and learn. Studies show that resilient seniors are individuals who have combined study, work and leisure through all phases of their adults lives. Are you where you want to be?

As we coaches say, "If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting." Emotional intelligence is about flexibility, creativity and resilience in the face of change. Make it one of your resolutions this year to develop your EQ. It covers every aspect of your life and contributes much more to your satisfaction and success than your IQ.

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers a variety of topnotch coaching opportunities, Internet courses, workshops and ebooks on emotional intelligence and personal development. Visit her on the web at http://www.susandunn.cc/ and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc.

SEND ME YOUR LIFE LESSONS LEARNED IN 2008. I'LL POST THEM. eMail to sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Coach Certification Program offered internationally. Fast, afforable, effective, the best one offered, combining unique individualized program around core material, and marketing tips for your professional practice.

Resilience and Bouncing Back

The latest poll shows 45% of Americans are angry, afraid ... or maybe it's 60%, or maybe just about all of us have some serious concerns about the state of the economy in the US right now.

At my corner convenience store I see people bringing in bags of pennies saying they hope it will buy enough gas to get home. A 26 year old talks about filing bankruptcy. The manager gets 5 or more job applications a weel. And there was a short on TV about how we could now get the right order at a fast food restaurant because there are now so many "over-qualified" people working there.

How RESILIENT are you? You can take the EQ Map and find out. Or you can find out empirically, by taking a look at how you are handling things right now.

Resilience is about bouncing back (with hope!), or "boundin' ". Enjoy!

Boundin - Pixar animation - Pixar Studios

Resilience builds Resilience

Everyday heroes to me are people who are resilient.

Today's example. Nancy has an online business which involves being on the computer all the time. Recently some nerve damage occurred in her right hand and she couldn't use it. At the age of 63, she quietly moved her mouse over to the left side of the keyboard and started learning to type with just her left hand.

YOU CAN DO IT! If you hit a snag, let me coach you. That's what I'm here for.

Warren is another example. He is 58 and a chiropractor. Years of the maneuvers have left him unable to use his right arm well enough, so he quietly began getting into consultation and teaching.

You can retrain your brain in many ways. That's why we keep learning new things. It keeps the 'aging' brain young. Learn something outside your field for best results. And KEEP LEARNING.

Learning matters. You may need it some day! :-)

Lifetime learning is one of the keys to resilience.

Become a coach

WHAT TO DO IN JULY? the dog days of summer ...

PLUG IN TO THE SOURCE -Coaching and training with Susan Dunn, The Emotional Intelligence Coach

Emotional Intelligence coaches will be in demand as we face a growing aging population worldwide.

To become a certified emotional intelligence coach, or personal life coach / wellness coach with emotional intelligence specialty, email me @ sdunn@susandunn.cc . This is the No. 1 rated coaching certification program you can afford. NO RESIDENCY REQUIREMENT. We realize traveling to a seminar is a waste of your time and money, and forces you to remain at the level of the lowest person in the group. We offer individualized training.

Latest research on the "use it or lose it" brain theory has proven what we all know through common sense, i.e., emotional intelligence. Mental exercise does us good just like physical exercise does.

The study, reported HERE: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16284851 cost $15 million was was funded in part by the National Intitute on Aging and is coming out in the Journal of American Medical Association today.

Age-related mental decline will affect 84 million people worldwide by 2040, and we're trying to learn all we can about learning all we can.

Mental decline includes senility, Alzheimers, loss of short-term memory, dementia, natural decline, stroke brain damage and other related loss and injury.

We know that combining lifelong learning with play and work is the key to resilience (see Al Siebert's work in this area).

Neuroaffective science is what emotional intelligence is all about. Sign up for The EQ Course and learn more about mental ability, increase your brain power, fight the effects of aging and mental decline.

_____________________
Arbonne's DefenseBuilder bolsters your immune system, the only defense we have against viruses like Nile, AIDS, Bird flu, and airborne tuberculosis. Get started today building your immune system with Arbonne.
Susan Dunn is an independent Arbonne consultant. Shop with her safely online at http://susandunn.myarbonne.com/ .

To Know How to Grow Old

TO KNOW HOW TO GROW OLD ...

"To know how to grow old,” wrote Henry Frederic Amiel , “is the master work of wisdom, one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living."

One of the most important things you can do to assist in this process, is to work on your emotional intelligence. It includes competencies such as flexibility and resilience.

Want to see how it works?

I have a client who is sure if he retires, he will die. He’s a physician and has been working those long hours since he was in his 20s. His father worked as a physician practically until the day he died, so this man has no role models. You know other people never count, it’s the ones close to you – if your solipsistic, and anyone who thinks they will die if they retire has that sort of narrow-minded, rigid thinking.

I have a female client who is having trouble with the changes in her appearance. While the doctor’s sense of self resides in his profession, this woman’s sense of self and self-esteem resided in her beauty. She is convinced she is no longer beautiful.

Both of these clients are lacking in the emotional intelligence skills that can ease any transition – for this is just another of the transitions in life.

After all, they’re saying that “60” is the new “40” and so forth. We are all living longer, and living in better health, so doesn’t it make sense to prepare for all stages?

You are going to “grow old,” everyone does, unless you don’t get to – and who ever thought of learning how to do it? Well what we want to learn how to do, is how to do it WELL.

One of the keys is a competency we call Resilience. It means being able to bounce back from rejections, losses, setbacks, and adversity, while remaining bouyant and optimistic about the future.

Adversity can hit at any age. Divorce is a hard thing to go through, and people go through it at many different ages. Youth are known to be more “resilient,” and to move through it faster. If you want an example, go to a singles groups for 20 years old, and then a singles group for 60 years old. Most of the people involved in both groups have been divorced, but oh what a different in attitude and outlook. Group #1 is already looking to the future, and eager to meet someone new. Group #2 is spending a lot of time talking about the past.

The mind, you see can get into ruts and run in circles all too easily if we allow it to. When you study emotional intelligence (at least if you take a good course that goes beyond the surface fluff which is usually about how your thinking brain shuts down when you get angry), you will learn a lot about the brain. We form neural connections when we learn things, and while we stop at some point to make new brain cells, it is available to us for – well, maybe forever – to make new connections. And how do you do this? By learning new things.

The more radically new, the better. That means if you’re an engineer, going on a getting your Ph.D. is nice, but it would benefit the resilience of your brain to learn opera or water skiing. If you’re a musician, it would be super to learn a new instrument, but would be far more beneficial, in this respect, to learn how to grow roses, or take up physics.

What should you learn? Something that scares the heck out of you. Something you know nothing about. Something where, when you sit down, you feel LOST. (How long has it been since you felt that way.) You’ll almost feel the wheels grinding as you grope around. I describe it as there’s no skeleton to hang the stuff off of.

I’ve worked with a number of EQ clients who have started into something radically new and they report great results. “My memory’s coming back,” one of them told me. “I thought it was gone.”

Another client, whose professions is ponderous and full of responsibilities, where he is the expert and the one everyone turns to, says it is “fun” to sit in the back of the room and know nothing, and to have to keep raising his hand. I must add that at first he did not, it took come coaching. At first he resented knowing nothing, and being “ignorant.” I encouraged him to continue, “just to see,” and pretty soon the results took over and became his own motivation. He opened up in many other new areas. He is now willing to travel, which he did not want to do before.

You can get in a box, especially if you’ve worked in the same career field your entire life. It seems foreign, or simply impossible, to take up something new. It doesn’t even seem interesting.

And that’s another way to become resilient as you age. You know how they saw if you find people boring, it’s because you are boring, or bored, and what you need to do is GET interested. Being bored by people, by life or by occupation is a habit of thinking after all, and the way you GET out of it is the same way you GOT into it. By going through the motions.

Instead of shutting down when you meet someone who bores you, that you think you know all about, or you disagree with them politically, or they come from another place in life, stop and enforce upon yourself the concept of “curious.” Force yourself – yes, force yourself, that’s how it begins – to say, “Really? And why do you think ____ is a bad candidate?”

Almost beside yourself, you will learn interesting things, and regain some joy that’s been lost in your life.

If you walk past a rose garden every day and either don’t see it, or think the person is ignorant to be growing roses, change your attitude BY FORCE and approach it differently.

Of course it’s up to you. Certainly nobody is going to MAKE you do this if you don’t want to, but I throw it out as a challenge. After all, someone famous said that when things become old (and the world can become old, yes, if you are rigid and brittle), then what you need is NEW EYES, and that’s part of what EQ is all about.

Knowing how to grow old is demanding, but not any moreso than learning how to be an adult, for heaven’s sake, and take your first job. You went after that, didn’t you? Well, here we go again. An emotional intelligence course can really open your eyes. Why not give it a try? You might like it so much you might want to go on an become a coach yourself. It’s a great profession for someone with some wisdom!

©Susan Dunn, EQ and professional life coach, www.susandunn.cc . Career, relationships, retirement and other transitions. Individual coaching is available by phone or email, no contract required. Pay as you go.

BECOME A COACH. Susan trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a program that’s all long-distance, fast, affordable and effective. She is a founding member of CoachVille and has a master’s in clinical psychology. For free ezine mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and write “ezine” for subject line. And be sure and check out her ebook, “Speak on a Cruise and Travel the World for Pennies.” Email for info.

Coping with Change

SirsiDynix OneSource: Change – Arrghhhhh!

On the blog, Stephen Abram, MLS, talks about change and the emotional intelligence it requires.

Stephen is vice president, Innovation, for SirsiDynix, and the chief strategist for the SirsiDynix Institute (http://www.sirsidynixinstitute.com/). He is an SLA Fellow, president-elect of SLA, and the past president of the Ontario Library Association and the Canadian Library Association.

What he's really talking about is the emotional intelligence competency of RESILIENCE.

Wnat to learn more? My ebook "Resilience" is available here.

Learn How to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

Learn about the 7 Key Steps to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

THE MAJOR KEY IS WELLNESS ... being in top shape physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Emotions effect our wellness - as Candace Pert, Ph.D. says, our emotions are in every cell of our body. Try ARBONNE for feeling your best. You cannot follow any of the 7 steps unless you are robust, energetic and healthy. Shop safely online with me at MyArbonne. I use only their products, cosmetics, supplements, lotions (they are PURE) and I haven't missed a day of work (or fun) in 4 years. Have you? What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.
________________________________________________________
What's the key to a great workplace?

Emotional Intelligence ... according to Dr. Steven Stein, who studies emotional intelligence, or EQ, these are the 7 keys from his new book:

THE 7 KEYS (Go HERE to read the whole article.)

1. Hire capable people who love the work they do and show how they contribute to the bigger picture.

2. Compensate people fairly.

3. Don't overwork (or under work) people.

4. Build strong teams with shared purpose and viable goals.

5. Make sure managers can manage.

6. Treat people with respect and leverage their unique talents.

7. Be proactively responsible by doing the right things to win the hearts and minds of your people.

All of these are signs that the workplace has a high EQ or emotional intelligence. "Happy" people ar emore productive, and one thing we learn from studying emotional intelligence, which I like to combine with the StrengthsFinder assessment (because it is NOT all about "emotions") is that what makes one person "happy" in the workplace, does not make another person "happy."

Look around in an average office these days and you will find all ages, cultures, backgrounds, etc. I was observing one alpha male today. The office is under a huge crunch, and many are wearing down. This man absolutely LOVES to work and "churn it out." He gets HAPPIER as the pressure builds, more cheerful as the day progresses, and I find hi absolutely energizing. Why? Because emotions are contagious. There's nothing like a leader who can smile when the going gets rough, and can show what I call "grace under pressure."

Want to know more about it? Take the EQ course.

It's all about GRACE UNDER PRESSURE.

Who Packed Your Parachute?

<----these folks pack my parachute!!


FROM RAYMOND THIS LOVELY PIECE ... maybe you got it in your email. Notice the emotional - spiritual - physical - mental -- the EQ Checkin(r) I use with clients.

Be sure and thank the people who have packed your parachute.

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience!

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"

"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked !" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"

Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes.

Want to get the balance back in your life. Take The EQ Course. Or call (817) 741-7223 for immediate service. Coaching and consulting. No contract required.

Gallup Poll says 80 years olds doing well

I COACH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, DATING, RETIREMENT AND HAPPY TRANSITIONS

40 and 50 years olds with Alzheimer's? Well, you see, health doesn't relate to age as much as you think.

I just got a call from my friend in San Antonio. She wants me to drive down for a concert, and wonders if I'd like to do a cruise after the first of the year. She jots down my new address, for Christmas cards, and then has to "run" because she's gotta cook dinner.

Unusual? Only if you know that she's 91!

Most of my clients are in life transitions, and about half are over 50. From what I see, and what I know, 80 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 40. In fact I trained and certified an 80 year old gentleman as an Emotional Intelligence Coach, and he was dynamite.

Need another example? Look at how the latest Gallup Poll on "America's Elders" frames it: Life After 80 ...

And they find it may be better than you think.

This latest poll got responses from people with relatives 80 and older. They found that nearly half, 47%, were in excellent or good physical and mental health.

Why get coaching and age well?

• US life expectancy is nearly 78 years, an all-time high
• 85+ group will double by 2030, from 5 million to 10 million
• Women still live longer

About 41% can walk on their own just fine, and more than 2/3rds live alone in their own home. There is a decline in the 90s, but by the time YOU'RE 90, who knows?

One of the best things you can learn through coaching is how to recreate yourself, gracefully and creatively. If you're approaching your sixth decade, feeling uneasy, and getting depressing advice, call me for coaching: 817-741-7223.

I practice and teach the statistically proven and research-affirmed skills that make for resilient aging. Start now and you'll be ahead of the game. What you do with your brain now is what matters. It's all about Emotional Intelligence. www.susandunn.cc