The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back

It's "that time of year." When we're all so overloaded, just one small thing can be "the straw that broke the camel's back."

Every culture has a proverb related to the straw that broke the camel's back. Why? Because it's oh-so-true.

Lighten your load if you see this point coming.

And don't allow some small thing to be "the straw that broke the camel's back."

The straw that broke the camel's back is an Arab proverb. Camels were so much a part of their culture. They keep loading things on the camel, and then they put one more straw on there, and it breaks the camel's back.

From wikipedia:

One of the earliest published usages of this phrase was in Charles Dickens's Dombey and Son where he says "As the last straw breaks the laden camel's back", meaning that there is a limit to everyone's endurance, or everyone has his breaking point.

Here are the proverbs from other countries:
Arabic Original : القشه التى قصمت ظهر البعير Danish equivalent: Dråben, der fik bægeret til at flyde over, meaning the drop that made the glass overflow.
French equivalent: la goutte d'eau qui fait déborder le vase, meaning the drop of water that makes the vase overflow.
German equivalent: Der Tropfen, der das Fass zum Überlaufen bringt, meaning the drop that makes the barrel overflow.
Dutch equivalent: De druppel die de emmer doet overlopen, meaning the drop that makes the bucket overflow.
Spanish equivalent: La gota que colmó/derramó el vaso, meaning the drop that spills over the glass.
Greek equivalent: Η σταγόνα που ξεχύλισε το ποτήρι, meaning the drop that made the glass overflow. Italian equivalent: La goccia che fa traboccare il vaso, meaning the drop of water that makes the jar overflow.
Romanian equivalent: Picătura care a umplut paharul, meaning the drop that filled the glass. Swedish equivalent: Droppen som fick bägaren att rinna över, meaning the drop that made the bucket overflow.
Turkish equivalent: Bardağı taşıran son damla, meaning the drop of water that makes the glass overflow.
Hebrew equivalent: הקש ששבר את גב הגמל, meaning the straw that broke the camel's back. Norwegian equivalent: "Liten tue velter stort lass", roughly translates to "small bump makes coach tip over"

A US version is "I'm on my last nerve" or "you're getting on my last nerve." It's a warning that the person is overloaded.

Please don't let yourself get overloaded. Take the breaks you need, lighten your load, talk to someone, get away from it all.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for a free mini-coaching session.

EQ Advice for the Week of December 16

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME???!!!

We have an economic crisis. We have a new president - an unknown. We have the holidays.

Peace and harmony? Not likely.

There is stress from many areas - the budget, family, more to do, and the parties mean we eat and drink wrong. Some people have been hit in virtually every area of their life.

Stress affects our emotional set-point. Many people are on their last nerve. Stressed out and trying to cope.

So ... CUIDADO - Be Careful

It's easy for misunderstandings to happen right now, and even easier to say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.

Caution is the better part of valor!

Tips for Surviving:

1. Emotions are running in the background for all of us, and it clouds clear thinking.
2. Be especially careful with communication with close friends, lovers and colleagues.
3. Expect what you say to be misinterpreted so go over assumptions if need be.
4. Misinterpretation and cloudy thinking can set off a constellation of misunderstanding.
5. If this happens, nip it in the bud. Take time immediately to address it or it will escalate which will only complicate your life and add more stress.
6. Slow down. Set back your own rheostat. Say less. Keep busy. Do things you know make you calmer.
7. Assume a virtue if you have it not - slap on a veneer of aplomb and calmness. Emotions are catching.
8. Put it off if you can.
9. Of course "A stitch in time saves nine." Think before you speak.

In other words, watch your words. The smartest thing to do is approach all communication with care. All PEOPLE with care. This is simply not the time. In other words, the thing you're most likely to want to say is the thing you'll regret having said later.

If all else fails, disengage and walk away.

A lot of people are just plain out looking for a fight, to relieve the tension, and it takes two to play that game.

Lastly, as a friend of mine says - Keep your words sweet. You may have to eat them some day.

For a free mini-coaching session, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or call 817-734-1471.

Drama and the Holidays

Need someone to talk to?

From today's email bag:

Thanksgiving was okay. My brother and his family came in. It was nice. But you know when there's family there's always drama. My mother ...

It was the usual. My two sisters aren't speaking to each other and then Mother tries to get involved in the issues. I dread it more every year.

We had a great dinner but my brother's kids are so disruptive. They don't teach them any manners. I try and teach my own kids table manners, and not to jump on the furniture and stuff like that. Well, when they get together, my kids join in like they didn't know better. I can see it upsetting my parents but I don't know what to do about it.

It was okay except for that thing with Aunt Edna.

My father took off on my little brother. It makes it so unpleasant for all of us, we don't know what to do. Why can't he just leave it alone for a couple hours one day????

Thanksgiving? The kids were sick, my husband was exhausted, we went to his parents and they'd gone all out. All I could think of was all I had to do the next day. I know I need to get my emotional reactions under control because next it's Christmas. It will be at my house. Was I crazy to think of doing that? How can I manage it all?

The holidays bring on a lot of drama. We're wearing out hearts on our sleeves. Not enough sleep or money or time. Lots of flu and colds. Exhaustion. Frayed nerves. People who don't necessarily want to be around -- you know, "after that thing with Aunt Edna last year."

One coaching call can help you! Email to schedule an appointment - sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-741-7223. Immediate response.

Stress Upon Stress

We're all worried now about the economy and jobs, the stock market, our retirement funds, funding our children's educations, and how President-elect Barack Obama will do about solving these problems.

And here come the holidays. Someone told me today, as they stared at the headlines in the newspaper, "At least I already got Christmas taken care of."

I have two helpful things for you here:

First, please take a moment and enjoy this beautiful and inspirational video, and remember that "In the winds of change, we sometimes find our direction."

If you can't access that link, cut and paste: http://www.findingjoymovie.com .

Second, call for a coaching session. That's what I'm here for! I work all holidays, and always save extra time for appointments. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to set up a time to talk.

Make it the Kind of Christmas YOU Want

Feel free to reprint this article on making the kind of Christmas YOU want to have. Please include byline and links.

Are You a Victim of Your Own Christmas?
by Susan Dunn, M.A., The EQ Coach

This article is currently appearing HERE.

We’re coming down to the wire. How’s it feeling to you? This is a time when you can process what you'll do differently next year, or a time when you can pause and remember what worked and didn't work last year ... and change what you're doing. Either way it works.

So, how is it feeling to you right now?

Why do I ask that? Well, whatever you’re celebrating, and whatever your religious orientation, Christmas is a celebration, a celebration that for many has a spiritual basis to it. That is, it’s supposed to be merry, at the least, and meaningful at the most. What’s it for you this year?

There may not be much you can do to put on the brakes now, but note how you’re feeling so you can see how it’s working for you. This has to be tested against the purpose of this celebration, which is personal to each of us, but surely it isn’t to be exhausted, stressed, hateful, resentful, materialistic, imprudent, overwhelmed, obligatory, or “just going through the motions.” If you’re feeling “the thrill is gone,” it’s time to get mindful. Don’t be the victim of your own holiday.

Remember, it’s all about choice. Intentionality is the EQ competency for the holidays. What do you intend? How do your intend to feel? What do you intend to accomplish?

If you feel like you want to stop the world and get off, take note. When Christmas is over, please process for next year.

Ask yourself:

1. What worked and what didn’t? In other words, what makes you feel good. Feeling good can be pleasure, joy, but also the feeling of a job well done.

2. What did I do out of obligation, or to keep up with the Joneses that needs to be let go next year?

3. Did I feel the way I wanted to? If not, what will I do differently next year?

4. Take each element and analyze it - - did you really enjoy it, or were you just going through the paces? Was it “because we’ve always done it this way”?

5. Is there some tradition that’s outworn its welcome? If so, you can eliminate it. Kiss it goodbye, remembering it fondly, but let it go.

6. Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, or uncle or aunt, there are children around. What kind of example are you setting? If you yell at your kid because you’re stressed out over Christmas, ho ho ho?

7. How materialistic were your gifts? How much did you bust your budget? Were you satisfied with how much you spent, or did you feel guilty, and it caused fights with your spouse? You can choose to change this next year.

8. Did you spend time the way you wanted to? Did you spend time with the people you wanted to be with? Whether or not its family, you have a choice.

9. Did you actually have time to enjoy each thing - the smells, the touches, the sights, the sounds? Or were you like a hamster on his wheel? One of my clients says she takes one night off to just sit in front of the Christmas tree looking at the lights and listening to her favorite Christmas music. (Seems like it would be nice to work in more than ONE night for that ...)

10. What part of the negatives was due to your attitude rather than external events or circumstances? Controlling your mood and emotions with emotional intelligence can add tremendously to your life, not just at Christmas time.

The best gift in life is to be able to learn from your experiences and this is a great time to apply this -- either backward, or going forward. If you don’t like what’s going on, don’t be a victim of your own circumstances or attitude. Change one or both!

About the Author

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . Individual coaching, business programs, Internet courses, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your health, wealth and happiness. EQ Alive! #1 rated coach certification program, training worldwide. It’s simple, affordable, fast and has no residency requirement. Email for more information, and for fr** EQ ezine.

Let me help you with a free mini-coaching session. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc to set up your time.

It's Here - Get Ready for all Those Relatives

HO HO HO ... HELP!!

It's that time of year

YOU LOVE THEM, NOW LEARN HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THEM

Take my Handling Difficult People (and Situations) Course and get ahead of the game.
On special for the season - $29.99. Click HERE to register and pay by PayPal. Course will be emailed to you. Includes email support.

Highly recommended!

Can EQ save your mind?

From a client:

"The classes I took from you saved my mind."
(Kathy)

Ready for a new start for the new year? Try the EQ classes.
Why not make improving your EQ one of your New Year's resolutions?
Email me for information at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Good Advice for Holiday Stress

Who do you want to be this holiday season? HOW do you want to be? Emotional Intelligence -- that's the key. Free coaching mini-sessions during the month of December. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to schedule your time.

_____________________________________________

Rx for Health , Dr. Susan E. AllenEagle-Tribune—

Several years ago, my husband and I and our college-age children gathered for Thanksgiving dinner around a big table in the home of out-of-state relatives. The details aren't vital, but what is important is that when the four of us left to drive home, we apparently couldn't wait to get in the car and let out a collective and negative "Ahhhhh!"

While the food was great, and we all had more than enough, the mood during the day had been very different from what we would have hoped for on this day of gratitude and thanks. We slipped into disappointment, negativity, even judgment.

We criticized one cousin for talking about himself the whole time, expressed anger at distasteful comments, and generally agreed that this was not a pleasant time for us.

I will always remember that Thanksgiving, and in the years since then, I have not been proud of my own reactions to it. In fact, some of those cousins, aunts and uncles present may well have been just as critical of our ways. This is not unusual among families. It doesn't take a professional to realize the heightened emotional energy that many of us feel at various family gatherings, including weddings, summer vacations, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah. There is arguably nothing more predictable in the field of mental health than the stresses and emotional upheaval that arise every November and December.

As we get older, there are even more new challenges during the holidays. Aging parents. Parents or siblings who have died. New "significant others" in the lives of sons and daughters. Children who have grown and moved away and are not able to be at home for the holidays. Perhaps the pain of divorce or the energy of a newly blended family.

We are challenged over and over again to face difficult relationships along with the easier ones. We are challenged to engage with people who bring out the less likable parts of ourselves as well as those who bring out the best in us. We are challenged to seek reconciliation and acceptance, as well as to feel gratitude.

So, who do you want to be in your family this holiday season? Here are four steps to consider as you anticipate your holiday gatherings:

* Try to have realistic expectations. Marsha Linehan, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, encourages "making friends with reality." Have realistic expectations of what can change and what cannot. This might include learning to live with hurt or pain, and even allowing it to be the catalyst for a transformation of some kind. Approaching a family event this way will likely lead to less disappointment and some nice surprises.

* Use your emotional intelligence. Notice your feelings and manage them in healthy ways. Our emotions give us good information about ourselves, but it's best not to act on all of them. Notice other people's emotions, too. Can you understand why they might feel the way they do? Can you experience both detachment and empathy in your relationships?

* Be values-based. What are your most important values? How are you acting on them or honoring them in your interactions and behaviors? As we get older, we are called to greater depth, integrity and honesty. When you look within, what is really important? Is your demeanor aligned with your core values?

* Lighten up. Is there a chance you can walk away from this year's family gathering and say, "Wow! That was so much fun!"? Think about what would need to happen for you to have those feelings. What steps can you take to make this a possibility? Imagine the even greater possibilities if you share these thoughts with others. Embrace the goal of making this holiday season even just a bit more enjoyable than you had anticipated.

Dr. Susan E. Allen is a life coach and licensed psychologist in Newburyport who specializes in the second half of life. To learn more, visit http://www.secondhalfcoaching.com/.

Holiday stresses the heart

Holiday stress - there's no question we all feel it. Emotionally and physically, it is hard on the heart, and the two go together.

It's a good time to watch your diet - food, yes, but also your EMOTIONAL DIET.

It's a good time to increase your emotional intelligence because if you plan it right, you'll have lots of opportunities to learn with. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for a coaching session or consult. It can bring needed relief!elief!

From the article HOLIDAYS BRING HEART ATTACKS:

December and January are the deadliest months for heart disease, and many of the things that make the season merry are culprits: Rich meals, more alcohol — and all that extra stress.

But what may make the Christmas coronary more deadly than the same-size heart attack in, say, August, is a double dose of denial. It's not uncommon for people to initially shrug off chest pain as indigestion. Research suggests they're even more reluctant for a run to the emergency room when it means disrupting a holiday gathering, or if they've traveled to a strange city — meaning they arrive sicker.

To read the rest of the article, go here: Holiday revelry brings on heart attacks - Heart health- msnbc.com

Coping with Holiday Social Stress

There are all kinds of stress around the holidays. One of them can be social stress. It's all about managing your emotional reactions to things.

This guest article is 8 Ways to Cope with the Social Stress of Holidays by Cecil McIntosh:

Indeed, stress is a part of contemporary life. The facts make this self-evident:

33 percent of employees have taken mental health days, costing business billions in lost revenues each year.

Two-thirds of those surveyed said they were likely to seek help for stress management. That means stress is having a negative impact on work performance.

Stressed teens are 200 percent more likely to drink, smoke cigarettes and use drugs. 200 percent!

Extensive research and testing show that stress contributes to high blood pressure (hypertension), heart attack, strokes, depression, a weakened immune system (more colds) and chronic pain.

62 percent of respondents stated that work raised stress levels.

Stress at work and school is taking its toll emotionally, physically and spiritually, tapping our energy and focus, diminishing our capacity to enjoy ourselves. This contributes to a problem many people experience, some to extremes -- social anxiety.

Agoraphobia

In fact, there are people for whom attending a party is simply impossible. There are people who experience agoraphobia, a fear of leaving their homes. Some remain housebound for years with this debilitating emotional disorder. And traditional treatments for agoraphobia have shown varying degrees of success.

Today, the problem is most often handled pharmacologically with stress-reduction medications, many of which are addictive and all of which mask the underlying problem -- the root cause of the condition.

Anticipation Anxiety

For many, the stress begins long before the event itself. These people experience anticipation anxiety. They imagine themselves at the event and tripping or making a social faux pas. Over and over, they envision the worst possible scenarios for weeks before the event takes place.

So, by the time the "big day" rolls around, the internal stress levels have been elevated for days or weeks. This anticipation anxiety takes all of the fun out of what should be relaxation time.

Social Stress

Do you know that people fear public speaking more than death? But you don't have to be that evening's speaker to experience elevated levels of stress.

Even if yours is a minor role -- a member of the audience, for example -- you may still experience social stress brought on by imagined fears and perceptions. So, what can you do to lessen the social stress in your life?

Here are some suggestions I give to my clients:

When you receive a written invitation, RSVP immediately. Don't create additional stress trying to decide whether you can pull yourself together to attend. Just RSVP and ask what you can bring.

Before the event, don't self-medicate with alcohol, medications or drugs. You don't need these things to enjoy yourself.

Before the event, picture yourself at your best -- looking good and having a wonderful time. Block out all negative images to lessen anticipation anxiety. Even better, don't think about the event at all.

Ask questions. Whether you're at a party or some other social gathering, ask others about themselves. We all love to talk about ourselves and this takes the spotlight off of you.

Never over imbibe. Keep it to no more than two alcoholic beverages in a four-hour period. Keep yourself in control at all times.

Assume that everybody's a little nervous at the gathering -- especially when meeting strangers. It's stressful for some. Assume you aren't alone in your feelings.
Turn your focus outward. Don't worry about how you look or that you might say the wrong thing. Use this time for its intended purpose -- recreation. Recreation.
Finally, remember this: the more socializing you do the easier it gets. You get better at it. You worry about it less (lower levels of anticipation anxiety) and, believe it or not, you actually start to enjoy yourself.

The statistics concerning school and work stress clearly indicate the need in our lives to recreate -- to laugh and have fun. Socializing shouldn't be something to fear. It's the antidote for all of the other stresses in your life.

It starts with a single RSVP or just a get-together after a long day at work. The more you interact, the stronger your support network -- and the happier you are.

About the author: Cecil McIntosh, Relaxation and stress relief, cecil@nlp-meditation.com. Cecil McIntosh a Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer and Energy worker specializing in providing Tips and Tools to transform your stress into success. For a free 40 page report on the 21 formulas for a healthy and happy life visit this site now. http://www.emptyyourcup.com

Help for the Holidays

I'm noticing a usual trend in the emailbag these days -- family get-togethers being disturbing.
One theme is sibling rivalry -- how YOU handle your sisters/brothers, or how the parent is supposed to.

One person wrote me that their family Thanksgivings always ended in a fight. Last year the two brothers (both grown adults) broke the china cabinet in the living room in a physical fight. Other families fight verbally, or with silence and innuendos.

There's a lot of tension that makes it unpleasant for all.

Another man told me that he was going to get a hotel room this time, so he would have a place to get away to. He told me about the hostility between some of the women in his family.

HERE IS SOME HELP WHERE YOU NEED IT MOST.

Here's an online course to help you through the holidays.
YOU LOVE THEM - NOW LEARN HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THEM

Step-by-step practical help with dealing with the difficult people in your life. Just in time for the holidays. This Internet course covers all Difficult Types.

"I noticed an improvement right away." -- Andrea

"Finally, now, I the "people pleaser" can enjoy MYself too." -- Shelley

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