Holiday Survival Guide for Introverts

If you're an introvert, celebrate the holidays YOUR way! None of that dancing on the table with a lampshade on the head for YOU! The holidays are a stressful time, but especially so for introverts (roughly 10% of the population).

One of the most important things you can know about yourself is whether you're an introvert or extravert, and how to enhance your life according to your natural tendencies.
If you're an introvert, here are some tips for a more enjoyable holiday season.
Allow extra time for sleep, rest, and quiet relaxation so you can recharge. When the world reves up even higher, it will get to you even more than usual.
Nobody has to accept every holiday invitation, in fact it's best to be discriminatory so you don't overdo. If you're an introvert, this applies double for you. It's okay to turn down party invitations!

Get PROACTIVE. If you sense an invitation coming, or if you want to, or must, celebrate with someone, jump the gun (which isn't your style) and channel it YOUR way. Invite someone to a concert, or the ballet. Think "time-limited." If you invite someone to lunch and then a concert, you know when it will begin and end and this eliminates some stress. Not so an Open House! Christmas Eve is also a good time to take your turn having the family over, as it's usually more peaceful, and nobody stays late.

When an introvert must attend a party or family gathering, it's best to plan ahead. Sometimes it works well to work out just before the gathering or take a nap. Whatever refreshes you. Experiment and find out! Then arriving at the party on time and greeting everyone makes your presence known and then you can disappear. It's also good to smile and reassure people you're having a good time, or else they'll become concerned -- since introverts show it different and are often under stress -- so people will be reassured and you won't get any more unwanted attention.
There are little tricks like bringing your camera and appointing yourself the official photographer, or being in charge of the music and spending a lot of time changing CDs. Also, then, the introvert can choose their own style of music.
What to do about the dreaded OFFICE PARTY ? They are really command performances and can be a strain. Volunteer immediately to do a job that requires working alone (such as being in charge of the invitations), or volunteer to sit at the sign-in table, which can take half the night. It allows for the kind of structured socializing that introverts often prefer.

After a party or family-gathering, take a warm bubble bath, or a nice evening walk - something to help you unwind and self-soothe. Your extraverted husband may drive home talking all the way and then plop into bed and start snoring immediately. Not you!

Everyone's entitled -- of course! -- to celebrate the holidays in ways they like. Another option is to save up vacation time and leave town -- a quiet cabin in the mountains with some good books and music and a loved one (or not), or maybe taking a cruise. You don't have to put up lights and frenzy - you can enjoy other people's when you get the urge, and you can shut it down, tune it out, and turn it off. You can choose your own level of stimulation.

Introverts also need to be alert to protect themselves from boundary violations. They are often "ready targets" at parties for loud, aggressive people, simply because they're quiet and often sensitive and considerate. Also for people who are agitated and want to be around a soothing person, or anyone looking for an "audience". Sitting alone in a corner leaves you prey to people you may find annoying and you can get cornered; getting up and moving around and choosing with whom you interact is the proactive way to handle this. Be a moving target!
You can also find ways to busy yourself at a party or gathering that allow you time alone -- helping out in the kitchen, passing hors d'oeuvres, taking out the wrapping paper trash and garbage, taking coats and wraps to the bedroom, or disappearing to the playroom with the children are some options.

Another part of the holidays that's stressful for everyone but may be more so for introverts is when multiple family appearances are required on one day, such as hitting every relative's house on Christmas Day. Best to establish the policy that you're going to do it one year at a time -- this year this house, next year the next.

There are many things introverts can do to help themselves enjoy the holidays more. Get proactive and make decisions early on!

Christmas present for my wife - ask the EQ Coach

Dear EQ Coach:

I don't know what to get my wife for Christmas. I love her, but I hate to shop. I want to ask my secretary to pick something out for her. Do you think this is wise? I have plenty of money, no time, and I hate to shop.

Signed: Ready to Delegate in Delaware

Dear Ready to Detonate Relationship in Delaware:

You have plenty of money, no time, and a death wish. No secretary, no friend, nobody can choose a gift for your girlfriend that won't reek of "didn't care." Have you forgotten for a moment that women are intuitive? She will know.

How will she know? Take the EQ Foundation Course© and find out about intuition. Any man considering letting someone else choose the gift for the woman he loves needs EQ help right now.

Do it yourself. Call a coach for some ideas. Order it online to be gift-wrapped and delivered. Send your secretary out to pick it u or use a courier service. But never let someone else choose that special gift. She will know.

Signed: The EQ Coach

P.S. Yes, she WILL know.

Still not convinced?

Dear EQ Coach:

I'm appalled. My husband just gave me my Christmas gift early. We've been married 3 years. It was an expensive Lladro. Of a horse. I don't like horses. I've never ridden a horse. I've never talked about one. I don't have any horse thing in my house. I think they smell and are dangerous and my hobby is needlepoint. Furthermore, I don't ^collect^.

On the other hand, his secretary owns and breeds horses. She has horse statues all over her desk.

I'm sick. What should I do?

Signed: Horses my A**

Dear Horses:

Well, I don't recommend gelding ...

Signed: The EQ Coach

Canada doesn't mess around with its Domestic Abuse PSAs

Canada doesn't mess around with its Domestic Abuse PSAs


Canadian Domestic Abuse PSA - Watch more Funny Videos

The holidays are coming and its time, perhaps, for my Difficult People course. It's on the Internet, interactive, fast, effective and affordable. Email me for information. Internet special - $29.99. Paypal me or personal check. sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Thanksgiving Day Etiquette

THANKSGIVING DAY ETIQUETTE
(I'm repeating here one of my most requested articles. Yes. Emotional intelligence is about etiquette.

The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they?

More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat with our fingers, so perhaps you need a brush-up on the basics of formal - shall we say "civilized" dining - before the great Thanksgiving feast.

Rules of civilized dining evolved because, according to Margaret Visser ("Rituals of Dinner"), "animals are slaughtered and consumed, the guest-host relationship is ... a complicated interweaving of the imposition of obligation and the suspension of hostility, and the ordinary table knife is related to actual weapons of war."

Utensils were to be handled delicately, so as not to alarm. For instance, the knife was not to be held in the fist, like a weapon, nor pointed threateningly at anyone, and conversation was to be gentle, not provocative.

Now for a review of the basics on how to be the consummate Thanksgiving guest.

1. Respect time.

Arrive on time with a smile on your face and plan to have a good time. Leave on time. If it hasn't been stated, you will have to use your EQ--your intuition. Watch the host.hostess for subtle cues - the more formal the occasion, the more subtle the cues, i.e., changing position in his chair, sighing, and talking about "what a big day we have tomorrow." As you say you must leave, expect protesting, and expect to leave anyway. It's a "formality."

As our visits in the homes of others become more rare, the #1 complaint of hostesses seems to be that the guests won't go home. One woman told me her guests arrived at noon and had to be jettisoned, finally, at 10 p.m. That's not a get-together, that's an ordeal.

2. Wear your uniform. Do your job.

Yes, as the guest you have responsibilities. Dress appropriately and festively, and prepare to make it a happy occasion. Note "make." It doesn't just happen; those in attendance must make it happen. Eat, drink and behave in moderation - and be merry. Leave your problems behind for the day. Focus on what it is -- a day of GRATITUDE.

3. When summoned, obey the summons.

As a long-time PR person, you can't imagine how we appreciate the "leader type" who, when we say, "It's time to take you seats," heads for the dining room and beckons her friends to come along; and when the hostess says, "Shall we retire to the living room for coffee," does the same.

4. Observe protocol.

Age before rank. "Special" people would be the great-grandmother, then if you've invited your boss, or there's a guest of honor. The most special person "sitteth on the right hand" of the host and hostess, who are seated at opposite ends of the table. If there are not place cards, it's appropriate to ask, "Where would you like us to sit?"

5. Once seated, stay awake!

Look to your hostess to lead. At this meal even the most unsuspecting people will say a grace, for instance. The hostess will indicate when to start passing things, and when she starts to eat, you may eat. Facilitate the meal for others - start passing the shared items, the salt and pepper (both go together), the butter, the cranberry sauce, and the gravy.

6. The passing of things.

If your plates are served, then when someone asks for the salt, pick up both the salt and pepper and place them down beside the person next to you. They are not passed hand-to-hand, and only the requesting party may use them. Inefficient? Manners are not about efficiency.

7. Make conversation.

It's an active thing! At a smaller seating, there may be one general conversation; in a larger group, talk with the people across from you and on either side of you. If you're conversation-challenged, work with your coach and come up with a list of conversation-starters, i.e., Did you see that great special on PBS last night? What are your plans for Christmas this year? How was the traffic at the airport? What football team are you rooting for? Start training your children young. Help them come up with a list of things to talk about. They'll love it and feel included.

Your hostess will appreciate if you keep the conversation going, spend some time with the shy people or the octogenarian, and help with awkward silences. At formal dinners, businesses lunches and other dining occasions traditionally when the food is served, everyone starts eating and there's a silence. Someone needs to "break the ice." Plan for this and be prepared with a confident and cheery, "It sure gets quiet when the food comes," or "Marcella, where did you find fresh arugula this time of year?"

8. What about all those utensils and glasses?

The general rule is work from the outside in. Go here to review: http://www.cuisinenet.com/digest/custom/etiquette/manners_intro.shtml

9. Beginnings and endings.

The napkin. When you're seated, place your napkin in your lap. When you're finished, place your utensils on your plate; don't push it away. Place your napkin loosely to the side of your plate.

10. Odds 'n' Ends

Sit upward in your chair; don't lean back. Don't rest your elbows on the table. It's permissible to lean forward slightly and rest part of your upper arm on the table. If you take medication, do it discretely and neither mention it nor notice it in others. Something in your mouth you don't want? The way in is the way out. Spit the olive pit into your palm and place it on your plate. Deposit the turkey bone back on the fork and place in on your plate.

What can you eat with your fingers? Artichokes, plain asparagus, bacon, bread, cookies, corn on the cob, chips, French Fries, hors' d'oeuvres, sandwiches, small fruits, berries, and cubed cheese. When in doubt, wait and see what your hostess does.

And ... while it's important children learn etiquette, it's also important they enjoy themselves. The gravy will come out of the shirt when you wash it - or plan clothes where it doesn't matter so much.

P.S. Be sure and thank the host and hostess when you leave! It's hard work.

Want a quick review? Call or email me with questions and mini-session. sdunn@susandunn.cc, 817-741-7223.

Eat Right - Avoid These Foods over the Holidays (or ever)

Emotional Intelligence is about wellness - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

I just got back from a cruise to New England and Canada on the Norwegian Majesty. Eating on a cruise, it isn't easy to control your calorie intake, but I did okay. Even making it through the Midnight Chocolate Buffet. Only gained a pound or two, and it's already off.

As the holidays approach, lets take a look at the physical. LifeScript has provided us with the list of the 10 Worst Foods you can eat. We are cautioned again about how many Americans are overweight or obese. Go here to read more.

1. Chips

One ounce of potato chips has 152 calories and 10 grams of fat (3 grams of which are artery-clogging saturated fat). If you munch on a one-ounce handful three times a week, in one year you will have added 23,400 calories to your diet and about seven pounds to your waistline. And remember, that’s just one small handful – much less than most adults snack on at a time.

2. Non-Dairy Topping

3. Doughnuts

4. Fettuccine Alfredo (that's a no-brainer)

5. Sausages

6. Fried Chicken

7. Imitation Cheese in a Can

8. French Fries

9. Spongy White Bread ("You might as well eat a candy bar," they say.)

10. Fried Wontons

They suggest the tried and true - if you want to lose weight just take in less calories. Here is their link for you to test how calorie-conscious you are.

Help for the Holidays

I'm noticing a usual trend in the emailbag these days -- family get-togethers being disturbing.
One theme is sibling rivalry -- how YOU handle your sisters/brothers, or how the parent is supposed to.

One person wrote me that their family Thanksgivings always ended in a fight. Last year the two brothers (both grown adults) broke the china cabinet in the living room in a physical fight. Other families fight verbally, or with silence and innuendos.

There's a lot of tension that makes it unpleasant for all.

Another man told me that he was going to get a hotel room this time, so he would have a place to get away to. He told me about the hostility between some of the women in his family.

HERE IS SOME HELP WHERE YOU NEED IT MOST.

Here's an online course to help you through the holidays.
YOU LOVE THEM - NOW LEARN HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THEM

Step-by-step practical help with dealing with the difficult people in your life. Just in time for the holidays. This Internet course covers all Difficult Types.

"I noticed an improvement right away." -- Andrea

"Finally, now, I the "people pleaser" can enjoy MYself too." -- Shelley

$89.99 - Click HERE to order this new ONLINE COURSE INTERACTIVE for instant empowerment. It will be emailed to you.

Holidays, Stock Market, Mass Hysteria

Take a break and remember the Reason for the Season

People are writing me from all over the world about the Black Friday sales and people getting up at 4 am to go to the sales in the US. It almost looks like mass hysteria. A shopping frenzy, like a feeding frenzy. The action when you've forgotten the reason for the action.

And then there's the stock market.

This is a good time to work with your emotional intelligence. You know that poem "When you can keep your head about you when others are losing theirs"?

I'm thinking too about the bbc interview with the Norwegian ship captain who did the rescue for the Explorer. The interviewer kept asking how the passengers felt, were they afraid, etc. The captain stuck to the matter at hand. They were rescued, had food and services. No, he hadn't been able to talk to them - HE WAS BUSY RESCUING THEM and keeping his head about him.
A good thing to keep in mind when there's mass hysteria and panic going on. This sort of situation leads to impulsive actions - like, I'm going to settle this once and for all. The kind of energy that makes us end relationships when they didn't need to end, pop the question to the wrong person, buy high and sell low.

The urge to impulsivity makes us THINK we have do something, and worse than that, do ANYTHING. It's not good emotional intelligence and it's hard to hold the center when it seems like everyone else is ...

To learn more about emotional intelligence, take THE EQ COURSE. It would be a good use of your time right now, as well as attending to the "real meaning" of the holidays. Which, regardless of your religious perspective, came from the word "holy days."

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

It Starts with Getting Enough Sleep!

One of the most important things we can do for our health is to get enough sleep. This directly relates to emotional intelligence, because often it is worries and thoughts or leftover emotions that keep us tossing and turning at night - even if we get to bed at a reasonable time.

This article has some typos, but it's still good advice:

You Don't Have Time To Sleep? Think Again!
by Enrique

You wake up early in the morning, rushing to get the day started. When you arrive at school or work, you immediately plow into a busy schedule of activities that take you right through your day. [Same and even moreso if you're at at-home parent!] When you're finished, you look forward to engaging in the activities that you enjoy the most, and squeeze as many of those into your days he possibly can. A little time for dinner, a little relaxation, and off to bed you go so that you can do it all again tomorrow.

Sound familiar? It's the life so many of us lead. Sleep. Eat. Work. And maybe find some time to play in the middle. Keeping a balance of these activities helps us make sure that were doing okay and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

What happens when we get out of balance? For many of us, the first thing to go when schedules get busy is sleep. Although it is so critically important, we tend to sacrifice sleep in place of doing things we enjoy or finishing things we must get done. The truth, however, is that most of us can't afford to lose much sleep. Many people don't get enough sleep as it is, and getting less sleep can have many negative facts on the other parts of our lives. The lack of sleep can have adverse effects on the physical, mental, and emotional parts of your life. The more obvious effects of sleep deprivation are the physical and mental problems that occur. Most people who are lacking sleep experience diminished alertness, reaction time, and memory.

What's not so obvious, though, are some of the long-term health problems that have been associated with sleep deprivation.Depression, heart problems and even obesity have been linked to the lack of sleep. The body does a lot of self – maintenance while sleeping. [Another thing that occurs during sleep is healing of any physical injuries, like strains and sprains.]

By releasing hormones like cortisol, it can combat circulatory diseases. The body also produces blood pressure and heart rate and the circulatory system is able to rest and recover in order to prepare for the next day. Lack of sleep can also affect the body's ability to produce white blood cells which are so important to fighting infections. Without sleep, the body also stops reacting properly to hunger. Leptin is a hormone that is created while sleeping and allows the body to properly sense when it has enough food. Without proper levels of leptin, people feel hungry and will eat more food than they need. This can lead to many other problems including obesity.

So how much that you really need? The number varies significantly for each and every person, but the national sleep foundation has come up with a basic set of guidelines to fit individuals in various stages of life. Most adults will find themselves needing between seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Teenagers, typically need 8 ½ to 9 ¼ hours of sleep per night, while school children will need 10 to 11 hours of sleep every night.

To read the rest of the article go here: http://www.isnare.com/html.php?aid=200165

About The Author: Enrique Padilla is an avid sleeper andcontributes a wide variety of articles to Foam Bed Advisor, http://www.foambedadvisor.com, which is full of informationabout memory foam beds, mattresses, pillows and mattresstoppers.

The bottom line on emotional intelligence is always WELLNESS. Keeping the balance in your life, and attending to your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. I begin coaching sessions with the EQ Checkin (tm): "How are you feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and mentally." I've found that people who are sleep-deprived start with "physical."

As the holidays approach, take care of your self - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I will be available for consultation all through the holidays, and one-time sessions are fine.

Thanksgiving - Holiday Manners and Emotional Intelligence

Thanksgiving Dinner Etiquette- Holiday Manners
How to be a great Thanksgiving Guest, and have a more enjoyable time! It's all about emotional intelligence.

From the article:

The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they? More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat with our fingers, so perhaps you need a brush-up on the basics of formal – shall we say “civilized” dining – before the great Thanksgiving feast.

Rules of civilized dining evolved because, according to Margaret Visser (“Rituals of Dinner”), “animals are slaughtered and consumed, the guest-host relationship is … a complicated interweaving of the imposition of obligation and the suspension of hostility, and the ordinary table knife is related to actual weapons of war.”

email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . You may wish to take the Difficult People course in preparation for the holidays. It's on the Internet, with practical tips to get you through.

The holidays are a great time to increase your emotional intelligence, because you will get lots of opportunities. :-)

Dealing with Alcoholism during the Holidays (or any time)

Unfortunately many of us will be dealing with alcoholism during the holidays - with family members and relatives. If it's in your family history, or dealing with it will be part of "the holidays" for you, coaching is available, also the DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE course. (email me for information, sdunn@susandunn.cc)

And here is a very good summary article written by an addictions therapist.

PREDISPOSITION TO ALCOHOLISM: WHAT'S IN YOUR GENES?

Certainly the popular notion that alcoholism may be inherited from our parents has gained momentum in recent times. This is not a new school of thought by any means, but it has gained creditability as a result of detailed investigations that have been carried out in the name of science these past decades.

There is no question that typically a pattern emerges where a tendency to alcoholism and alcohol related problems do affect siblings and generations within a family. By no means does this conclusively indicate that alcoholism or alcohol related problems will plague you because you inherited the gene from a parent.

On the other hand, there are many genetically inherited characteristics that have been proven to impact on the likelihood of an individual becoming a statistic of alcoholism related concerns. It is understood that the predisposition to alcoholism may be contributed by a number of factors including genetic makeup and social or environmental aspects.

As yet, there has not been a breakthrough in the discovery of a particular alcoholic gene but there have been significant findings in the relationship between some inherited genes that are known to be present in a vast number of alcoholics studied. 5-HTT (the serotonin transporter gene), the gene found in depression sufferers is one example of an inherited gene shared by many alcoholics.

The presence of this gene also does not doom a person to depression. Like alcoholism, social and environmental factors are very evident in the reflection of the condition upon an individual.

Another genetically inherited characteristic that has a relationship to alcoholism is a variation in our liver enzymes that controls the rate that our liver processes alcohol. Alcoholism is considered to be a complex disease as is diabetes, meaning that genetic makeup alone does not automatically lead to alcoholism; social environmental influences contribute to the disease's presence.

We typically learn our social skills from within our families from birth. It is here that we learn right from wrong and acceptable social behavior. If a family get together is learned from our childhood conditioning as being an event that alcohol is consumed for the merriment of all this becomes imprinted in our minds as the nature of social interaction. The same principle applies to all other occasions and daily events. Certainly social conditioning is learned from all that we are exposed to, not just our immediate family. I

ndeed, visual repetitive learning is a valuable and effective teaching tool; unfortunately, it is not so selective as to be able to dismiss the negative influence also.

Environmental factors that often reflect a tendency toward alcoholism do not fall squarely in the home of a family. Habitual behavior and life choices remain the responsibility of an individual. If your mother was an alcoholic, and the family drank to excess at home and socially, this does not absolve an individual of responsibility from the choices they make for themselves.

Science has not finished with alcoholism. Certainly medical communities are diligently pressing on with the hope that one day this disease that destroys mankind from the inside out and devastates entire families and the loved ones of sufferers may one day be completely understood. We do know that genetics does contribute some to the condition of alcoholism, and do know that the presence of the disease is generated from complex factors including genetic and social environment, but there is still much to be learned.

In the mean time, we may be grateful that help and support is available when someone is willing to accept it.

If you need help, please seek it.

About the Author (required to print): Pick up your Free 101 page Addiction Recovery Help Guide just for visiting our site. Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading treatment center, teaching healthy recovery skills. Visit: http://www.AddictionRecoveryBasics.com .

You may also wish to read Susan' s ebook, EQ and Addiction: the 14th Step - http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .

Email for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc . I will be working all holidays, nights and weekends.