The Etiquette and the Ethicality of the Blackberry

Check out this interesting article about BlackBerrys in the courtroom and at depositions.

From the article by Jerold S. Solovy and Robert L. Byman from The National Law Journal

Now, part of the problem is not ethics but manners. We don't belong to country clubs, but we understand that most of them ban BlackBerrys and cell phones. (That isn't the reason we don't belong -- we just don't play the game.) But why? Cell phones we easily understand -- an untimely ring or conversation could actually distract a golfer. But silent thumbing?

Well, these devices are banned because it is bad form, it is rude, to attend to business when one ought to be enjoying one's time in a sand trap. And if it is rude on a golf course, how about in a courtroom? How many judges will permit you to whip out your BlackBerry during live testimony at a trial? Most judges ban BlackBerrys not out of concern for ethical considerations, but because their use is an affront to the decorum of the court.

People are often amazed, when I'm with them that I let my cell phone ring or turn it off. To me it's just etiquette - to pay attention to the person you are with. Which is, after all, the greatest gift you can give someone.

Etiquette is essentially about making the other person comfortable. I am equally impressed when I' m on a date and the man's cell rings, and he turns it off, while continuing to maintain eye contact with me.

Really makes me feel special.

I'm also equally impressed when the person I'm driving with doesn't use ones. Studies have shown how dangerous it is ... calling, or answering, or talking.

Consider your use of cell and BlackBerry.

For full article, go HERE.

Be Friendly at Work - not Friends?

Great article on RevolutionHealth about Knowing Your Boundaries at Work.

Excerpts ...

Understanding co-workers' skills can be powerful — knowing their scuttlebutt can be problematic.

"Your ability to carry a conversation is crucial in building
relationships with fellow employees, but boundaries must exist," says Susan Morem, a Minneapolis-based business consultant...The border separating professional and personal relationships isn't easy to patrol, especially at smaller, informal offices ... [b]ut conversational boundaries help to determine the reputation of an employee and staff. Simply put, boundaries preserve integrity."

Beware of feeling informal ... "There's generally no clear rule
about where to draw the line, so a good rule of thumb is to avoid issues that might make someone uncomfortable."

"Refrain from gossip," Morem advises. "Remember: Those who talk to you about others will also talk about you to others."

Morem says most gossip and other inappropriate conversations occur in places that feel informal, such as elevators, hallways and bathrooms. But co-workers should never get the false sense of security that they're off duty in these locations.

"It's better to pretend your personal microphone is always on. Don't
say something if you don't want it heard or repeated."

While it's natural for employees to show interest in one another's
lives, someone has to be courageous enough to cut off a co-worker when warranted.

Just as informal places can get co-workers into trouble, so can seemingly informal methods of communication. {Like email)

Forge office friendships with care "Make sure you know and completely trust this kind of co-worker friend."

Expect boundary differences

Because those differences are widespread and co-workers' boundaries are subjective, office humor is risky.

If a co-worker says something that offends or upsets you, try to respond instead of react. "Reaction is immediate and emotional. When we react to something, we are more likely to say or do things we might later regret," Morem says. "A response is planned and controlled, and it leads to fewer communication issues."

THIS IS ALL ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. See yourself headed for troubles? Constantly having the same problems? Get a crash course from me on the landmines. One-time and long-term coaching consultation.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Take The Difficult People Course - it helps! Email for information.

Go HERE to read the full article.

Thanksgiving - Holiday Manners and Emotional Intelligence

Thanksgiving Dinner Etiquette- Holiday Manners
How to be a great Thanksgiving Guest, and have a more enjoyable time! It's all about emotional intelligence.

From the article:

The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they? More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat with our fingers, so perhaps you need a brush-up on the basics of formal – shall we say “civilized” dining – before the great Thanksgiving feast.

Rules of civilized dining evolved because, according to Margaret Visser (“Rituals of Dinner”), “animals are slaughtered and consumed, the guest-host relationship is … a complicated interweaving of the imposition of obligation and the suspension of hostility, and the ordinary table knife is related to actual weapons of war.”

email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . You may wish to take the Difficult People course in preparation for the holidays. It's on the Internet, with practical tips to get you through.

The holidays are a great time to increase your emotional intelligence, because you will get lots of opportunities. :-)

How Good is Your Marriage?

How are your people skills? Your social skills? Your relationship skills? Your emotional intelligence?

Today's emailbag is about increasing those life skills that can enhance your life.

THE 70% RATE IN MARRIAGE

Author Pat Morley notes:

“In writing about what makes a successful marriage, family systems thinker Edwin Friedman said, 'In reality, no human marriage gets a rating of more than 70%.' In other words, even the most successful marriage will only be symptom-free about 70% of the time. Patsy, my wife, and I both think we have a great marriage. We talked this 70% thing over, and it makes sense to us. Use this to encourage yourself. You don’t have to be symptom-free 100% of the time. 70% is about right, and that’s pretty good in a fallen world.”

If you haven't got 70% in your range, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I'll make arrangements to help you increase your emotional intelligence and relationship skills.

DATING

Q: hi, i wanted to ask about how to attract this guy that i like in college. i don't know him and he is one year older than me (am 21)i don't get to see him alot , but i heared lots of nice things about him . i don't know if i am imagining but i think he noticed me . please tell me how to attract him without looking so desperate .

A: Well, I don't know the situation at your particular college, but let me give you some examples, and you can put on your thinking cap and connect the dots. Its not a bad skill to learn, BTW. There are times in life when we want to get some exposure to someone, so they can get to know us a little and see if it's a 'take'. The general theory is -- find out where they go, and be there.

Here are some examples of how this works.

One of my clients is a fundraiser. He needs to get around donors (people who have money) and sometimes he can't get through their secretary to make an appointment, or emails aren't answered, or lunch invitations are declined. So in one case, he found out the guy had opera tickets and managed to get a pair of tickets right next to the guy. From that vantage point, he was able to have a nice conversation with the guy (at intermission and afterwards), and let him get to know him, and the relationship went on from there.

How he found out where the man's seats were, etc. took some investigation. But it's possible.

This goes on all the time in the business world, of course. That's why people join country clubs, golf clubs, recreational clubs, etc. People meet clients that way, get jobs that way, etc. Another client of mine needs a job. Besides the obvious things (monster.com, agencies), she is making time to hang out at the pool, where she can ask around and maybe meet some hirers.

Another woman who wanted to date a man she had heard had just become available, knew he attended galas for charities, and so she showed up at one. She "ran into him" beforehand, and managed to sit at his table. It worked and he asked her out.

Another client wanted to meet a guy at her college. She started eating at different dining halls, keeping her eyes open to see where and when he ate. When she found out, she dressed for success, showed up, and just got in line behind him and struck up a conversation. He asked her out.

If there's a group involved, it's easy (why we join groups). One woman found out in Sunday School that the man of her dreams was going to the weekly dance class. She joined up. That's a no-brainer.

Lastly, again I don't know about your college, but be prepared for the lucky chance of just running in to him. Women go up to men all the time in the grocery store, for heaven's sake. Surely you might run in to him on campus. Be looking! Notice a couple of things about this.

1. You may have to do some investigating. Don't be obnoxious about it. None of these people were. You can also ask around, just in the way of conversation. "Hey, Bill is cute. Do you know what classes he's taking?"
2. You have to have the social skills to maneuver the meet and the initial conversation. If you need to brush up on your social skills, I recommend coaching. THAT is a life skill you MUST have. How to strike up a pleasant conversation with ANYBODY, and present yourself in a good light, is something every man and woman needs to know. It's an art and it can be learned (email me for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc ). Shyness will get you nowhere, but being obnoxious will also get you nowhere.
3. The follow up. This is to make something possible. It lets the person know your name and get to know you a little bit. From that point on, it is up to them. Of course you do not pursue, badger, or even that awful word "stalk". You see the difference? It's an introduction (if the two of you haven't met), or a little reminder (if you've had a conversation or two). Beyond that, it's up to him. It's not classy to make a nuisance of yourself.

If you need to do some work on your social skills, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I will make arranges to help you raise your EQ.

What Kind of Corporation Has a Blog

An authentic one, that's who. Southwest Airlines' Blog - NUTS ABOUT SOUTHWEST

“Blogging works for us because, as a Company, we know we have nothing to hide,” said Southwest’s President Colleen Barrett. “Our Employees absolutely ooze authenticity, and our bloggers have been able to bring that same SPIRIT to the blog.”

AUTHENTICITY is one of the emotional intelligence (EQ) competencies. It works for individuals and it works for corporation. Last year, according to their website, Southwest "boldy went where no other airline and few Fortune 500 companies had gone before -- into the blogosphere."

On the blog you can take a peek inside the culture and operations of the company. There are nearl 30 employee bloggers (both frontline and behind the scenes), and 'customers' can participate. In January 2007, there were more than 70,000 total visitors, nearly 30,000 unique. On NUTS ABOUT SOUTHWEST, you can share "the Warrior Spirit," "the Servant's Heart," and "FUN-LUVing Attitude."

BTW if you love Southwest like I do, and fought to set Love Field free, you can thank Congress for the Wright Amendment Reform Act here: http://www.setlovefree.com/. If you live in Texas like I do, and have a sister in San Diego, you know what this is all about.

P.S. Etiquette also works. Southwest, who lobbied so hard re: Love Field, not provides the link for us to thank Congress.

Well, thanks, Southwest for setting an example of authenticity and etiquette.