Emotional Intelligence on the Internet

I'll be going to D. C. tomorrow for a couple of days, visiting clients and doing some coaching.

If you're in the area, I still have some openings in my schedule, so call me at (817) 734-1471.

Currently appearing ... articles by Susan.

Use Your Emotional Intelligence When Traveling Abroad
By Administrator
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ ...
Traveling Deals - http://www.travelingdeals.us

Can a Coach Help Me with This?
By admin
Susan Dunn, MA, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, distance learning and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. For free ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. ...
EyelidSurgeryForWomen.com - http://www.eyelidsurgeryforwomen.com

Tips For Starting Your Home Based Business
By unni
About Susan: Susan Dunn, MA, EQ & Life Coach, ttp://www.susandunn.cc, coaches individuals in emotional intelligence for life improvement, and trains and certifies EQ coaches. She is the author of “How to Live Your Life with Emotional ...
Home Businesses For Moms - http://cashsystem4u.com/bl4-home-business-for-moms

Emotoinal Intelligence: Flaming

HOW OBNOXIOUS IS THAT??

MoneyLaw, the art of winning an unfair academic game, has a great post about emotional intelligence:

"Today's New York Times posits a scientific explanation for the difference in behavior of those who are civil in face-to-face encounters but brutally venomous in email or instant messaging exchanges. In Flame First, Think Later, New Clues to E-Mail Misbehavior, Daniel Goleman (of Social Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence fame) explains that, in the absence of visual social cues, our brains no longer have that 'uh-oh' control that keeps us from inadvertently offending the person with whom we're electronically communicating. As Goleman puts it:

The emerging field of social neuroscience, the study of what goes on in the brains and bodies of two interacting people, offers clues into the neural mechanics behind flaming.

The blogger goes on to say that in face-to-face interatction, we get a continual barrage of emotional signs and cues which are missing, of course, in emails.

"Much of this social guidance occurs in circuitry centered on the orbitofrontal cortex, a center for empathy," says the blogger. "This cortex uses that social scan to help make sure that what we do next will keep the interaction on track."

The blog is about flaming and nasty emails.

Intentionality is an EQ competency that plays a part. Perhaps they are intentionally being insulting and inflammatory. If not, they are "clueless" -- and that's one way to describe email writing. The missing of social cues.

I could go on and write for another hour here, for instance, and I will never have a "clue" as to whether you, my reader, are bored or not.

Flaming - unless it's understood that's what's supposed to go on - is bad manners. The rules of etiquette exist, basically, to keep us form killing one another; particularly the strong impinging on the weak.

People have a lot more nerve behind the anonymity of an email and also operate without the clues of normal social interchange. It's not a good mix in the hands of someone who is also not intentional -- another EQ competency. Knowing what you intend to have happen (feelings and well as behavior). Flaming is like bad grammar. It reveals a lot about who you are.

Emotional Intelligence - THE training topic

Emotional Intelligence ... making the rounds in the business world.

Why? Because it works.

NHCG consulting writes that they are "evolving due to the changing business climate. The latest training topic is emotional intelligence (EI)" -- what took them so long??

EQ, they say, "describes a person's ability to identify, utilize, understand and manage emotions in the workplace...research indicates that people who have a high competency in emotional intelligence are more likely to succeed that those whose strengths rely on previous experience." For full article go here: "Navigating the Learning Curve," from New Haven, CT

Actually people with high emotional intelligence are more likely to succeed than people with LOW emotional intelligence. It's as simple as that.

We've been at this a long time ... come learn with the best.

Can you learn emotional intelligence by playing a game?

Q: Can you know what snow is like if you've never experienced it?
A: _____________________

Q: Can you learn emotional intelligence by playing a game? Can you develop character by playing a game?
A: What do you think?

The Cleveland Banner (Cleveland, Tennessee) has an article entitled "Program for youth promotes character."

“You should always think positive," writes Samantha Jones, Banner staff writer. "Every day, think of things you can do, ideas you can share, and ways you can help people. Keep reminding yourself of your blessings. Spend time thinking about your daily successes. Concentrate on your strengths and the good things you have done. Be thankful for everything you have. By focusing on productive thoughts, you can be a success.”

She goes on to describe set of posters/flashcards with thoughts and quotations on them put out by Oikos Global. She writes that, "the goals and topics of the games, flash cards and other materials offered are outlined and include self-esteem, assertiveness, active listening, anger management and showing empathy, among other topics."
_________________________________________________________________
The EQ COURSE is an interactive, Internet course designed to increase your emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence Good in the Workplace

Emotional Intelligence doesn't mean letting it all hang out, but it doesn't mean letting it all fester inside either. There's a happy medium. Emotional Intelligence is, after all, about the INTELLIGENT management of emotion.

A lot of our motivaton comes from emotion - they share the same root word.

"Getting some emotion into the workplace can be good" says an article in the Globe & Mail.

"Stoicism rules, but showing your edge occasionally is healthy, writes ROMA LUCIW
It's been seven minutes since the Federal Reserve's decision to keep U.S. interest rates unchanged hit the wires, and no one at a Toronto day-trading floor is particularly concerned with minding their manners.

"Aw, don't tank. Why can't you just go up?" screams one man in a black fleece sweater banging his hands on the table. Another day trader appears equally frustrated. "I'm getting creamed and I can't even cash out," he groans....

"Many employees and managers, especially those in white-collar fields, work in homogeneous environments governed by an unwritten slate of rules of conduct. In most cases, there is an expectation that extreme emotions will be suppressed: Voices are not to be raised, crying and screaming are banned, and everyone will appear polite and in control, thank you very much.

Its easy to see why companies have created these comfortable and considerate corporate cultures that discourage emotional extremes. Who wants to work with a manager who unexpectedly erupts with anger or an employee who bursts into tears at the drop of a dime?

But painting all emotional reactions as bad might not be the answer either, especially since some people may occasionally need to express themselves to be happy, inspired and productive on the job, career advisers say ...."

To read the full article go HERE: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20070210.RCOACH10/TPStory/Business

$300 Billion Spent on Workplace Stress

$300 BILLION SPENT IN WORKPLACE STRESS ...
link to this

Stress linked to human interaction costs businesses greatly. Experts at the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as well as the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health have found that each year in the United States, $300 billion (or $7,500 per employee) is spent on stress-related compensation claims, reduced productivity, absenteeism, health insurance costs, direct medical expenses and employee turnover.

A significant amount of workplace stress can be attributed to a lack of what is known as Emotional Intelligence, or EQ. In her 10 years of experience as an executive coach, Belsten has heard many stories about bosses and co-workers that consciously or unconsciously contribute to creating a stress-filled environment.

Read about the boss "at the end of the hall" who had a reputation for being rough on employees. "In doing so," says the author, "he often behaved unprofessionally by shouting at and demeaning his employees in front of their colleagues, increasing stress and decreasing company morale; all the while unintentionally reducing productivity and company profitability."

If you'd like to learn now to succeed in the workplace, call me for coaching, and/or The EQ Course. You can only go so far on "brains" and "intellect." If you drive people away, or reduce their productivity, stress those around you, and limit the potential of others ... why would they keep you around or promote you?

Start learning now ... for the future.

First Day on the New Job: Emotional Intelligence

Gone to Chicago for the week on business. Blog will resume when I return.

Can't wait to see my home town again. Hope there are snow flurries. Plan to see Fledermaus at the Lyric, eat a Loyds, stay at the Palmer House (OK, HILTON). I'm excited and in a special kind of way, because this is going home to me. Today's blog recommendation talks about this sort of thing - or rather the great discomfort we feel when we are going somewhere totally new - including a new job.

Check it out: "Your First Day on the Job"

Most of us have had two or more "first days on the new job" and know that it can be hell. Why then, asks our blogger, don't others try and make it more amenable?

THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

It can set the tone for the the rest of the engagement so to speak.

He answers his own question, with a bit of the self-awareness we get from emotional intelligence: "I can only think that it must be the result of the general lack of emotional intelligence that one sees in the average IT workplace, combined with the poor standard of management that seems a ubiquitous feature of corporate environments ..."

Self-awareness -- because we moved a lot when I was a kid (for good reasons, at least for my parents), I've always had a soft spot for the "new kid on the block." When I worked in an office, I was usually the one to look after the new person - unofficially of course. I made sure they knew where the bathroom and coffee were, and supplies; offered to help when I saw them looking lost; asked them for lunch early on.

During my years in offices I had good and bad experiences in this respect. I know that when I was introduced properly to the others, my early weeks in the new place were a delight, and it bore fruit in the long-term.

We - human beings - are naturally xenophobic. We do not like strangers. Underneath, we fear them. It's natural. And I'm afraid it's exacerbated by the things we hear in the media. Nevertheless, it's EQ, and it's civilized behavior, and etiquette, to do what you can to make the new person feel AT HOME.

Just say "yes." Hazing and hell week belong on the college campus, for youngsters (whose neocortexes are not fully yet developed - or their EQ).

It's the decent thing to do, and it's emotionally intelligent!

Emotional Intelligence ... when there isn't much around you

THE PRESENCE OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Well, it's that time of year again. Many people are feeling very low right now. Low energy, low spirits. In the northern hemisphere, gray skies, SAD, seasonal affective disorder, the winter blues, the after-Christmas blues ... and Valentine's Day looming on the horizon. (Incidentally, I've written a lot about Valentine's - it's really more apt to elicit hostility, and it's a very 'emotional' time for everyone.

For the more resilient, it's just a time to hibernate. Introverts do better at this. Read a good book, listen to music, sleep, nap, rest, get massages, go to the spa. It's not the greatest time for "people."

For the extraverts, it's harder. They need people to bring them up, and finding people who are 'up' right now isn't that easy.

So what do you do? As always, goes with it, don't fight it. Then it will flow on through. Be how you are. It will change. That you can count on!

Practice the components of emotional intelligence. One of them is empathy - and that means reading the global temperature as well. If everyone who's called you on the phone has been crabby, guess what? (It isn't you!)

If no one you've encountered has anything more than a plastic smile right now, quit looking outside, and go inside. Do something you enjoy.

If you've been pecking around the office looking for someone to perk you up, and haven't found any, just get busy doing something you enjoy. You are more likely right now to run into negative and depressed people. Surround yourself with things you enjoy. Kids are great too. They are always ready to play.

If you are one of the ones with sunshine to share, by all means do! At last avoid getting into those downwardly spirallyin conversations where we start sharing all the negatives. Think of something positive to say -- and say it!

Be kinder than you need to be.

Remember too, the benefits of gratitude. Like the woman below, there's always something to be grateful for. Find it...and share it.

Call for a coaching pep-talk. That's one of the roles I fill for clients.

MAKING THE EMAIL ROUNDS

Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?"

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today?"

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly.......

Thanks to Julie for this one ... who is fighting some battles of her own.

Marketing with Emotional Intelligence

MARKETING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Seth Godin is a great marketer and I think he uses a lot of emotional intelligence in his approach. I've read his book and I liked what I read.

On his blog he writes about The Glass House in Denver and its marketing. It's called "the $140 million permission project."

He writes about what Chris did to market The Glass House. Now if you went to their website, you see something different right away. It begins with a beautiful quote: "It was as though he had cut up the sky, melted down a flower garden, tossed in some jewels and made it into glass." (hugh mc kean)

You see how it appeals to our emotions right away.

The next screen has a quote about giving up driving, that life is sweeter at 5 mph.

According to Godin's blog Chris marketed the project in an unusual way.

He put up signs at the construction site directing people to a website where they showed a slide show of the benefits. Like a person sitting in a pool looking happy and relaxes, not just an architectural drawing of a pool.

They signed people up to get on a list to learn more "benefits." They eventually got 5,000 people signed up, and it had been by our favorite form of marketing -- word of mouth!

Then this is unusual and a neat idea. They invited people over for a drink, so to speak. They had about 45 cocktail parties for those people, a small group at a time, like 15, at a restaurant in the neighborhood. They didn't bring any materials, they just visited with them, talked, answered questions, and talked about things they were interested in.

It's interesting to read about this emotionally intelligent approach. Read about it on the blog here.

Emotional Intelligence

Appearing today on the Let's Celebrate National Women's History Month By Women's-Interests by: Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach This year's theme is "Women Pioneering the Future". According to the National Women's History Project, this includes both pioneering women from US history, who led and won struggles for equality and civil ... Read the full article

Sweet Revenge and Emotional Intelligence

It's on the Socially Responsible Business Forum today - WANTED: EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT LEADERSHIP
Posted by John Schneider

He refers to "Sweet Revenge," this week's BusinessWeek cover story.

Those of us who lived in San Antonio TX are perhaps more aware of this than others (because of the story surrounding the disappearance of Heidi). I don't know the outcome or that her abductor has ever been convicted. There is also the story of "Othello." There is nothing new under the sun.

According to the blog:

‘Sweet Revenge’ provides an interesting look at how endemic revenge is in the
marketplace. It also highlights the steps that corporate managers will take to
avenge a perceived wrong.

While the article points out the positive
aspects of revenge on executive behavior (come-backs, business start-ups,
whistle blowing), the article neglects to mention the collateral damage that
usually accompanies these moves.

When it comes to socially responsible
business management, emotional intelligence not only leads to better business
decisions, but better workplaces as well. As noted in the soon to be released
book Firms of Endearment, companies with a high number of emotionally
intelligent employees are not only more ethical, but show a stronger bottom line
compared to other companies. While revenge may be sweet, it is often
counterproductive to the values embodied by socially responsible business and
causes more harm than good.

Did that need to be said?

We recommend for your career that you get our "Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace" certificate on your resume. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

It can only advance your career. One of the trends is that employers will be hiring for emotional intelligence. Interviewers are starting to be trained to look for it, and until this is perfected, you're at the mercy of the uninformed. You need to know how to show what they're looking for when they don't know how to ask for it.

This certificatation program will also inform you what to look for in the workplace, co-workers and management you're considering. And we recommend the EQ program for management. A high EQ workplace does better in all respects.

Emotional Intelligence on the Blogs

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN THE NEWS
What's YOUR EQ? HERE.

Nurturing talent By subbaiyer We need to assess not only intellectual skills, but also softer skills such as emotional intelligence, values, creativity, the ability to work in teams, to think out of the box, entrepreneurial abilities, and also, importantly, ...Serendipitous moments -

The Marshmallow ExperimentBy Shining Starz(Shining Starz) The details of the entire experiment can be found in Daniel Goleman's book entitled "Emotional Intelligence". What happened was that during the experiment, Walter Mischel and his researchers gathered a group of four-year olds in a room. ...Shining Starz - http://shiningstarzedu.blogspot.com/index.html

Your EQ is 147 What Emotional IQ do you have? ...By Kirsten N. Namskau(Kirsten N. Namskau) 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed ... What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?Kirsten Namskau's blogg - http://kirsten-namskaus-blogg.blogspot.com/index.html

It pays to be niceBy sean371 The best and the brightest organizations understand the significance of Emotional Intelligence. Companies that do not recognize doing business with a good attitude as an important part of thier business strategy will fail, especially if ...Attwood's Blog - http://seanattwood.com

Leadership Case Study in Common SenseBy david@leadershipunleashed.com Evaluation of consequences, emotional intelligence, experience, and intuition. And most of all, good old-fashioned common sense. I’ve hired excellent people – perhaps I should listen to their ideas? I’ve espoused a policy that sounds ...The Recovering Leader - http://leadershipunleashed.typepad.com/leadership/

Emotional Intelligence

GREETINGS FROM THE ALLERGY CAPITAL OF THE US

Writing this from Dallas, Texas one of the ragweed hotspots of the nation, I'm particularly aware of "allergies" and the havoc they can cause. Here are some tips for handling allergies:

1. Ragweed pollen is probably the largest single seasonal allergen in North America.

It is estimated that a square mile of ragweed plants would release 16 tons of pollen in one season. Even skin contact with ragweed can cause dermatitis.

2. If you know before airborne allergies get worse in your town, you can prepare.

At this site http://www.pollen.com/Pollen.com.asp you can sign up to be alerted in the morning of conditions likely to exceed a trigger point, the point where most allergy sufferers will start to experience symptoms.

3. More than 50 million Americans suffer from Allergies.

4. An allergy is...

... "a heightened sensitivity to a foreign substance (called an allergen) which causes the body's defense system (the immune system) to overreact when defending itself. Normally, the immune system would only react if a harmful substance, such as a bacteria, attacks the body. For people with allergies, their own immune system is working too hard, and it reacts even when relatively harmless substances such as pollen are present. The severity of an allergic reaction can vary from mild discomfort to life threatening situations." [Source: www.pollen.com]

5. Probably 25% of your website visitors suffer from allergies.

Here - http://www.pollen.com/Pollen.com.asp - you can get the html to put a pollen alert box on your website - either a zip code entry box or for any town in the U.S.

6. The most extreme allergic reaction is called "anaphylactic shock."

Immediately after contact the individual will suffer difficulty breathing, itchiness, welling of the lips and throat, and drop in blood pressure, and finally collapse. If you've ever suffered anaphylactic shock, you should carry injectable adrenaline from your doctor and keep some at home as well. Have the 911 number handy, and seek medical attention immediately.

7. Subsequent contact with a particular allergen can be much worse than the first time, for instance if you've been stung by a bee.

That's why people sometimes say, "And then all of a sudden ..." Ive heard people mention this about combining beer and shell fish one day, and ending up in the ER.

8. Coming into contact with products containing normally innocent foodstuffs such as peanuts can actually kill susceptible people. One way to determine what you're allergic to is to see your personal physician and get an allergy test.

9. Allergic conditions include: (1) Hay fever and allergic asthma.

Pollen from grasses, ragweed and trees, mold wne dust can all cause respiratory and nasal problems. (2) Eczema. A special form of skin reaction. Cement dust is particularly likely to cause this. (3) Urticaria (itchy hives). Most of us get this from nettles. You can also get this from strawberries, seafood, cheese; it depends.

10. Once the allergy is established, you must remove the cause or avoid it. Here are some tips:

a. Wear hypoallergenic gloves;
b. Use a filter in the vacuum cleaner to remove dust mite droppings and an air filter on your A/C which you clean often. Also clean the ducts;
c. Remove heavy drapes and bedspreads from the bedroom and replace with blinds and tile or wood flooring with

Is Blink about Intuition?

BigNosedUglyGuy (BNUG) (I don't know who he is) blogs about Gladwell, Enron, Blink, and rapid cognition ... which may or may not be "intuition." BNUG is confused about just what intuition is. He refers to Thomas Gladwell's article, "Open Secrets: Enron, Intelligence and the Perils of too much Information in the New Yorker.

Gladwell wrote Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking, which has been particularly popular with analytical, rational types; people who must make something difficult. Sort of the Protestan ethic of thinking -- if you don't have to sweat over a spreadsheet for 3 hours, you don't have the answer type of thing. High IQ and suspicious of "emotion" for some reason.

Well, intuition has gotten "bad press" for a long time' for decades it was married to the word "female." Women are better at it because their brains conduct emotion better, and there's quicker and better communication between both hemispheres of the neocortex. (See Essential Difference; Truth about Male & Female Brain) Men's are better at other things ... besides if you're unhappy with the state of your emotional intelligence (which includes intuition) find out where (take the EQ Map) and then come learn more. EQ, unlike IQ, can be improved upon.

Gladwell talks about "rapid cognition", the kind of thinking that happens in the blink of an eye. It is fast, immediate, and spot-on. Therefore heavy-thinkers who rely excessively on reason and logic are annoyed by it, as well as mystified. (And Gladwell gives some fascinating examples!) It happens to be essential for making good decisions, of the most important type (like whom to trust, and whom to marry and 'when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em' and whether that Van Gogh is a fake or not) . It's why we find 150-IQ geniuses whose private lives are in shambles. But "blink" puts it up in the eyes and smacks of 'neocortex" (cognition, doh) while it's really in the gut ... read about the vagus nerve. After all, our heads can lie to us, our gut cannot. Why else do you get a headache every time you have to deal with that ignoramus down in the IT department?

Our blogger says "When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or read the first few sentences of a book, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions."

Actually what happens is you get a feeling that cirumvents the deceptive neocortex completely, which is why it's so spot-on!

It's a gut feeling and we use sensory words to describe it - it stinks, something was fishy, she's like a warm bath, I walked in there and it felt like 'home,' my hair stood on end, he made me sick to my stomach, she gave me butterflies in my stomach ... that kind of thing. It's when a man says, "I knew the minute I met her that I would marry her."

What's rational about that?

BNUG says "You could also say that it’s a book about intuition, except that I don’t like that word. In fact it never appears in 'Blink.' (Oh thank heavens?) (and isn't that like saying you don't like the word "gravity"?)

Well, we need all the information we can get about how the brain works, and how to make the most important decisions. I, like BNUG, am fascinated with the subject too, because I teach it.

Everyone has intuition; it can always be developed. It is essential to our safety. It is also not dependent on "cognition" or the neocortex. Like the dog sensing the earthquake coming, those sensient people who know their "gut feelings" are the most likely to sense something's wrong in a nuclear plant (a funny sound, a change in temperature .. yes, it is about change). They also know how to pick a winner - at the racetrack or in the stock market. If rational study and analysis were the answer, we'd all be rich in the stock market which is, after all, the most emotional thing on earth. (Though men don't like to admit it.)

If you cannot get in touch with (note the wording) gut feelings, you'll be standing there reading the chart that says everything's okay when the nuclear reactor blows. Horses in a burning stable have more "sense" than that!

There are different definitions of intuition. (See my ebook on "Intuition") Different levels. One is the sensory level. Think of how a dog stays live - they share the limbic brain with us humans, but they have no neocortex and they cannot think. There are no "rapid cognitions." If your dog doesn't "like" someone, it is (1) not rational and (2) something you'd best pay attention to. Yes? Same with kids. The neocortex, the thinking brain, isn't fully developed for years ... and kids have to go on the instincts they were born with. The ones that keep us alive.

A definition the more intellectual types prefer is that is comes from experience. Yes, I've had people ask me on coaching calls, "How did you know that?" like I was pulling rabbits out of a hat? "How did you know I was the first-born?" or "How did you know my mother was mentally unstable/alcoholic/on drugs?" or "How do you know my husband is critical?"

From years of experience. Things kick in for me. I've heard how the pieces go together, over and over, and while each person is unique, certain patterns present themselves repeatedly, and certain causes tend to bring on certain effects. After a while you can read backward from the effect, which is a sort of intuition. My job is to untangle mis-wired connections and reprogram them, so I know a lot about it. And I coach over the phone. I don't even need to see the person. Years and years of experience with people, clinical data, in the trenches sort of thing. (No I can't read someone's mind ... in fact you're in big trouble if you think you can, but I can sense things.)

That's why I wouldn't go to a surgeon, or coach, or stock broker who wasn't over the age of 40. Book learning can't get to the core of things. On the most important things, the data always runs out. You have to have emotional intelligence to take you over those leaps. When the coin's in the air spinning, you can't take out a probability chart. It would say 50-50, yes?

How do you know when to trust your intuition? How do you know if those snap judgments are right? Well, your intuition will tell you ... and if that isn't a Catch-22. (Work with an EQ coach and learn about it ... it can be learned.)

BNUG writes, "I'm tryng to understand those two seconds. What is going on inside our heads when we engage in rapid cognition? When are snap judgments good and when are they not?" And THATt is the crucial thing to know. "Alpha males" get into a lot of trouble because they make snap intellectual judgments about people. That works with data; it does not work with people. You must judge people ultimately, in the ways that matter, from a "gut feeling." Alpha males - and most CEOs and professionals are that - are notorious for (1) not believing anyone who doesn't have a Ph.D. in the field, and thereby missing the clear common sense the secretary knows, and everyone else knows...except for the CEO; and (2) allowing a person one mistake, and that's it. They can never recover, redeem, grow or learn. What a waste of people.

Those sorts of "snap judgments" are really harmful.

The "snap judgements" that work? She blew it on her first assignment, but I "know" her (this is intuition). And then you roll it out (smart people learn how to rationalize intuition for those who don't "believe" in it) - I trust her (she comes to work on time, she doesn't lie when she makes a mistake, she bakes us cookies). She is eager to learn (she's always reading something, she enters conversations outside her 'area' and wants to learn). She can learn (I've never seen her make the same mistake twice).

There are all sorts of signals "below the surface" to the purely neocortex-type that give a plethora of information you really need to know, to tune in to, to make things work. You have to be able to 'read between the lines,' to 'see the handwriting on the wall,' to 'call a spade a spade.'

Our blogger asks, "What kinds of things can we do to make our powers of rapid cognition better?” Answer: EQ coaching. It can be learned. It can be taught.

"How do you know when you have good intuition?" BNUG queries. There's really no such thing as "bad" intuition ... because that isn't intuition at all, it's something else. Fantasy, wishful thinking, etc.

Can Happiness Be Learned?

JANUARY 20 - THE MOST DEPRESSING DAY OF THE YEAR
Declared by a scientist in the UK

Does this have to apply to you? With emotional intelligence you can create your own happiness. Can happiness be learned? It's not a light question.

The answer is a resounding yes - I see it happen all the time when I coach emotional intelligence.

It's even moving into the college classroom (at last!)

From an article in the New York Times:

[The write attended a class called the Science of Well-Being] "...essentially a class in how to make yourself happier — at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. George Mason is a challenge for positive psychologists because it is one of the 15 unhappiest campuses in America, at least per The Princeton Review. Many students are married and already working and commute to school. It’s a place where you go to move your career forward, not to find yourself."

The class is taught by a professor whose area of research is “curiosity and well-being.” According to the article, the course covers such emotional intelligence components as optimism, gratitude, mindfulness, hope, and spirituality. It also emphasizes the difference between meaningful and authentic happiness, and "the hedonistic treadmill."

Typical of the suspicion many have regarding anything "emotional," the syllabus makes it clear that "every topic ... [will be approached] as scientists” and, like in my emotional intelligence certification program, the assigned readings are academic, but the "classroom" exercises are not.

Optimism is the facilitator of all the emotional intelligence components. It can increase your lifespan up to 10 years (as big a 'significance' as smoking or not-smoking) and if you've got your EQ going, you'll add ... and 10 years you'll want to live because you are happy.

Read the article here.

Get Emotional Intelligence Certification on Your Resume for Career Success

GET EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE CERTIFICATION ON YOUR RESUME THIS YEAR IF YOU WANT YOUR CAREER TO ADVANCE
email me for information on my program and receive an Emotional Intelligence certificate.
You'll be way ahead of the game in all the ways that count. This is something that will really open doors to you.

Article appearing on the globeandmail.com talks about "trends to embrace and watch out for" in terms of career intelligence. The author, Barbara Moses, lauds coaching, and pegs some big trends.

"Ironically, while organizations talk about the need for broad knowledge, emotional intelligence and the ability to solve complex human problems, they ignore people who don't have specialized degrees. But these general degrees have taught them critical thinking skills -- the very skills that organizations are in search of."

Much of what she talks about could be lumped under "multicultural" - she mentions the generations trying to blend, but it's cosmopoliltan and global on top of that. Having a business lunch in the Renaissance Tower in downtown Dallas today, I heard as many accents as I hear in the dining room of the Royal Caribbean cruise ship where I've often been a speaker.

The cruise ships hire for diversity. It would appear that everyone has it now, whether intentional or not and how are you going to get along and get the project moving??

Clips from the article. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE training helps with every single one of these and is the underlying theme.

• management training
• the important of 'softer' skills such as emotional intelligence
• Coaching -- caveat emptor. Everyone wants a coach but check out the coach's credentials. I agree (and feel free to check out mine.) IVery important to check credentials in an unregulated field such as coaching. I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and a liberal arts background combined with many years experience in the work world.
• succession planning
• young people without specialized degrees are having difficulty finding work, and many older workers are still experiencing age discrimination
• Intergenerational tensions (this is a BIG one and you can only fathom solutions if you have high EQ
• older workers bemoan the lack of work ethic among younger workers
• Young workers want "old" workers out of their way and call the "workaholics"
• In Canada, non-mandatory retirement means "many older workers will choose to stay on in the workplace for both financial and psychological reasons -- leading to continuing frustration among younger workers eyeing those plum opportunities up the ladder."
• Diversity broadens its meaning. No longer women, visible minorities, those with disabilities and gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people, but ... diversity of age, life situations, personality and motivation. In other words, diversity reflects all differences.
• direction of diversity is changing. Emphasis is on inclusiveness.
• forget balance - you can have it all, but not all at once
• Leadership development - and this is NOT "management." Both are needed.
• younger workers catapulted into management positions with little basic training. (Great opportunity for coaching)
• work that has meaning
• people are defining success in highly personal terms.
• promotion for the wrong reason (demoralizing)
• authenticity reigns. People want to be able to express who they are in their work, and not have to adopt a corporate persona. This means that if they feel they have to compromise their values or repress their personality, they will look for another employer that represents a better fit.
• The employee brand/experience
  Organizations are turning their attention to building their employee brand, recognizing that they can't build a successful external brand for clients if it's not consistent with how internal staff experiences the company.
• The brand represents the personality of the organization whether that be flexibility, family friendliness, or challenging opportunities.
• midlife renewal (a big area in which I coach - I say "60 is the new 40" and I love coaching midlifers in transition - work and dating)

Read the article HERE.

Ask an EQ Coach a Question for Free

Where we're appearing this week! Nancy Fenn, TheIntrovertzCoach

Ask an EQ Coach a question for free.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

CAN MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?

In studying resilience and the sweet uses of adversity, and listening to coaching clients, I discover the same things over and over again. After a given point in time, the person acknowledges that a lot of good things have come from their adversities.

Mind you it isnt a guarantee that youll reach this resolution, but many people do end up being not only what they call better people, but also happier by their self-report and by my observations.

There's an interesting study done by Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts. He compares the well-being of lottery winners versus people who had become suddenly paralyzed.

The results of the study were that after the initial high was over for the lottery winners, they were no happier than the accident victims.

Read the rest of the article HERE.

______________________Low energy?

DEPRESSION ALERT

We are approaching "the most depressing day of the year." January 20th. It's the culmination of a number of things, including grey skies, bad weather, no vacation in site, budget problems, holiday aftermath ...

Be prepared. Take THE EQ COURSE. Call 817-734-1471 for coaching.

_________________

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Kidd Files for Divorce Claiming Cruelty - Anger Management is NOT ENOUGH

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE LACKING IN A SPOUSE - everyone's worse nightmare. Jason Kidd and Joumana.

When you read about the problems of Joumana and Jason Kidd, doesn't it give you the same feeling as "Fatal Attraction". It's the thing we fear the most, a spouse who is out-of-control.

In the papers filed in state Superior Court in Bergen County, Jason Kidd accuses Joumana Kidd of "physically and mentally abusing him, threatening to make false domestic violence complaints against him to police, and of interfering with his relationship with his children."

"The defendant's extreme and unwarranted jealousy and rage has left the plaintiff concerned about her emotional stability," the papers say. Read the rest of the article HERE.

It's sickening. Imagine what it's like for their children. Jason was ordered to take anger management after Joumana reported him once for abuse (and if you read what's written, it's possible she was setting hi up).

Anger management is not enough. It isn't just about anger, it's about emotional intelligence.

My "Anger Management through Emotional Intelligence" is a real landmark in a sea of "product" with debatable value that's also hard to assess. Are the same people offering "anger management" that offer "notary training" in California, and "defensive driving" all over the US - because it's court-ordered and easy money? And because judges are judges and are quick to say, as one did recently, "I'm a judge. I don't know physics." SOmehow this "anger management" got started. Does the teacher have credentials in psychology and coaching, and years of experience with actual people?

Anger is not, frankly, what it's about, as you can see. My program was constructed from years of work with people in the trenches. It is clinically based, and I have a degree in clinical psychology.

It's common for a person who feels (without being mindful of it) out-of-control, to marry someone who appears to be quite IN control. (Opposites attract). Someone like Jason Kidd, for instance, who says it's not going to affect his game, that's his job. Because there's no response from the "in control" one, the "out of control" one amps it up. The other one shuts down further. The game is on, and it's a very ugly one. And there is no winner, as we see here. It is a tragedy.

Violence and abuse occur because of a lack of emotional intelligence. The anger can be "hot" or it can be "cold"; it can be from depression, fear, and for heaven's sake, people also go bonkers when excited. If 90% of the people who win the lottery are bankrupt 5 years later, even beyond the winnings' interest, what does that tell you?

Our hearts are saddened when we read something like the Kidds' problems. And for all the superstars whose troubled relationships make the headlines, there are hundreds of thousands of "just folks" in the same sitaution, and emotionally unintelligent nightmare. The divorce rate is over 50%. It is higher for 2nd marriages and higher STILL for third marriages. "Hope springs eternal," but without emotional intelligence intervention, it is sterile hope, as the statistics confirm.

EQ makes or breaks your life. I'm thinking of a former client of mine, who was 49 at the time his second wife, 24 years old, pulled up to the parking lot at his work, screamed, threw things at him, and kicked him in front of his colleagues and employees. He owns the company and employs over 200 people, makes well into 7 figures, has a Ph.D. in engineering, has top security clearance from the US of A, and has made some of the - frankly - stupidest decisions in his private life that you can imagine. His first wife used to physically abuse him. He was 6'4" tall and weighed 250 lbs. and she was 5'1" tall and weighed 105 lbs.

EQ. It makes or breaks your life and, sadly, the lives of many children are involved, as with the Kidds' children. My heart goes out to all concerned. If the judge is going to grant joint custody, which was requested, I would like to see him order both of them to take not "anger management," but an emotional intelligence course.

Vendetta! Sangue! say Verdi's arias. And "vengeance is a dish best served cold" says Shakespeare. It goes on and on, and is really terrifying, and "anger" is the least of it.

Do we say I'M SORRY too much?

I'll apologize when ...

BBC ARTICLE ON SAYING YOU'RE SORRY HEADLINING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Making the rounds, an article on BBC called SORRY TO SAY.

It's getting blogged a lot, so thought I would join in.

It's talking about the custom of saying "I'm sorry" in the UK, which the article thinks is over-used.

Unfortunately they quote one Mark Tyrrell, who they describe as "a psychotherapist at Uncommon Knowledge, a group that promotes personal development and emotional intelligence" but the paragraph runs together, in Brit fashion, so reads like this ... "For Mark Tyrrell, a psychotherapist at Uncommon Knowledge, a group that promotes personal development and emotional intelligence, a lingering culture of deference is to blame.

No, emotional intelligence is not "a lingering culture of deference". That's not an appositive! But if the whole sentence isn't quoted, that's what you read and that's unfortunate.

Tyrrell believes, to quote the article: "Saying sorry so much is a deep-rooted British characteristic. The class system is largely to blame, as 'sorry' comes out of politeness, which is there for social cohesion. ..The new middle classes had to apologise for no longer being working class, but also for not really being upper class either. The vast majority of Brits belong to the middle classes so saying sorry has become endemic."

Tyrrell believes we also play games with the s-word, sometimes using it to our advantage.

Sure we do. Kids learn it real quick. I was with a little guy the other day who bopped his sister right in front of me and then turned, saw me, and said, "I'm sorry I'm sorry" as if that made it all OK. Clever little guy!

Sadly ther are grown CEOs, for instance, who think they can berate and castigate someone in public, then say "I'm sorry" and have it all go away. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way with an affair either. Or telling someone you think they're fat or ugly. Some things "I'm sorry" doesn't quite cover.

Now I'm an EQ coach and also coach etiquette and I'm all for those social-greasers: thank you, pardon me, excuse me, I'm sorry, and you're welcome.

One of my pet peeves, however, is watching a parent force a child to give a meaningless, "I'm sorry." Until a child has developed empathy, they have no "I'm sorry" in them, except for the punishment they may be about to receive, and so it is a distortion of their feelings to force them to say, "I'm sorry." They also cut to the chase and learn -- if their parents aren't too EQ-smart -- that they can apologize, then do it again, and it's the apology that counts, not the act. Oops!

Most kids hate to do it and I don't blame them. A parent would be better off ... well, read my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child EQ".

Also, it happens to be one of the emotional intelligence components to be "relentlessly and adamantaly self-forgiving." This isn't the same as being SORRY, that's kind of dwelling on it and on the down side, yes, acting victimy, whiny, etc.

Main thing here - if you develop your EQ you will have far far fewer occasions where the phrase "I'm sorry" must be used (or misused). Myself, I use it almost exclusively when someone tells me of a personal tragedy or misfortune. It is a simple and elegant thing to say, and it is how I feel. When someone tells me, "I lost all my money in the stock market," or "my wife died of cancer," I don't try and make it good, or a lesson, or a character-building thing, or something they should have know better than ... I simply stop and say, "I'm so sorry to hear that" or "I'm sorry that happened to you."

But most of the things where we say "I'm sorry" in the other sense are when we fail to manage our own emotions. We must apologize, and we DO feel sorry, when we yell at someone, insult them, criticize them harshly, and generally act like an idiot ourselves.

The more you develop your EQ, the less you will be acting like an idiot!

Anger is one of the biggest culprits. It is a good way of knowing what you want, and not a good way for getting it. If you manage your anger - take the message that you really want something you aren't getting, or didn't get - then you can control your behavior and shape it in a way that maximized your chance of getting what you want.

Since I'm also a dating coach I see this all the time. The relationship heats up, the man disappears and goes into the cave, and the woman hunts him down and them chews him out. Why? Because she wants him so much and wants him to come back. It drives him further away, and she then will hunt him down to APOLOGIZE.

This step could be skipped! In oh so many ways. Men with high EQ don't get so scared they have to disappear when emotions heat up. And women with high EQ can at least understand if and when they do, when they need that masculine "space," and cut them some slack. But if the confrontation occurs, the man might then be able to realize his part in it ...

I love dating-coaching. It's so great to get couples together and I have a VERY HIGH SUCCESS RATE. I am also Attract Your Dream Mate for a major website. I hear that particular scenario a lot, and it's so great to lead people to what they want!

Well, back to the article. According to the bbc here's where apologies in the UK go:

WHO DO WE SAY SORRY TO?
37% of our use is aimed at partners
19% to strangers
14% to our children
14% to work colleagues
8% to friends
5% to parents
3% to siblings
1% to the boss

Speaking of which, my next ebook is going to be able adult children who are hellbent on getting their senior parents to "apologize" for something they did or didn't do, and feel they cannot get on with their lives until this "apology" is forthcoming.

It's a great source of pain between generations, and there's a better way. Stay tuned!

And why do they say "I'm sorry" so infrequently to their bosses? That's an interesting question.

One last thing about "I'm sorry." I agree with John Wayne. Don't hurt someone unless you mean to. Being "unmindful", "unconscious," and "unaware" is the real culprit. Emotional intelligence starts with SELF-AWARENESS and leads to Intentionality. Want to learn more?

Ask for my Emotional Intelligence Quick-Study - a book of exercise for busy professionals to learn EQ. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc to order it.