Business Communication doesn't have to be Jargon

Creating Passionate Users: When only the glib win, we all lose

Please, please go visit this blogsite. The graphics are so good, all you have to do is look at them and you've got the message.

NO JARGON

If you've worked with me, taken one of my Internet courses, or read one of my ebooks, you know that I hate "jargon" and don't use it. The courses and ebooks are all post-grad level, but they are in plain English.

When I was in grad school and getting a little heady about how smart I was about to be, I wrote a paper full of obfuscations and the professor told me he agreed with Einstein -- if you can't explain it to your grandmother*, you don't know what you're talking about. He said never to be afraid to say it in clearly, with short words.

In fact that's a really good idea in tense situations, like where you're the expert, boss or authority figure. Consider a doctor delivering bad news, for instance. There's a great email going around about friendship, where one of the items is "And when you're upset, I'll speak to you in short words."

(That's an anachronism, of course, grandmother. How about - if you can't explain it to a 10 year old ... )

Now if you were standing in the office instead of at the ironing board, and someone started talking at you that way, wouldn't you RUN?

These graphics are reproduced under the creative commons agreements.

http://headrush.typepad.com/

Isn't that marvelous?

This blogster is a real genius, the kind with IQ AND EQ.

To improve your communication, take THE EQ COURSE. It reinforces some of the other points made on this blog -- that PowerPoint doesn't teach, people teach ... that throwing money at a problem doesn't solve it ... that the more you micromanage, the more you make dysfunctional idiots out of your employees, that two heads aren't always better than one ... and don't start your presentation, book, talk "at the beginning".

It's just a great site. Take some time and browse it.

My life's work is helping people get along better, get more done, have more success in relationships and at work, and enjoy their life more. This takes high emotional intelligence, understanding how you operate and also how the other person does.

Prince William and Kate Together Again?

Prince William, girlfriend reunited? - omg

Emotional Intelligence is about setting appropriate limits and the Royal House of Windsor has always been good at showing us how to do this.

In this case, we'd love to know if WIlliam and Kate and back together again, but William's offical spokeswoman declined comment.

"We don't discuss William's private life," she said. "It's a matter for him." She also remained anonymouse. in line with policy.

The couple appears to be getting back together, with what the article called a series of casual dates.

Want to know how to navigate dating after divorce. Order MIDLIFE DATING SURVIVAL MANUAL FOR WOMEN. Appropriate for anyone dating after divorce.
___________________________________________________________________
Lost love? Want to know what's happening? Contact Master Psychic Semiramis,
semiramis/appiamo@hotmail.com . Semiramis reunites couples. "She'll be expecting you."

Corrections to LA Times Newspaper

<--- CAN YOU TELL A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING?

Emotional Intelligence consists of many competencies. Common sense and reality-checking are the result of high emotional intelligence. How do you teach common sense --which is, as someone once said, not at all COMMON.

You will find your common sense and reality-testing increase when you take The EQ Course* and increase your emotional intelligence.

*[This course is college and post-grad level, and you must qualify to take it.]

Now take a look at the page of corrections from just one issue of the LA Times newspaper (see link above).

One example:

Deadbeat dad: An article in Friday's California section about a $311,491 child and spousal support payment quoted Los Angeles County child support services officials as saying that it was the largest ever in the United States. However, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families said Friday that there have been larger payments.

Here is another example:

For the record
Japanese translation: In an article about yakitori in last week's section, it was reported that yaki translated as skewers and tori as chicken. Actually, yaki means grilled and tori means bird.

So ... do you believe everything you read in the newspapers? Do you believe everything you hear on TV?

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

Emotional Intelligence ... ANGER ... health problems. We know that chronic hostility is bad for your health.

This study found compromised lung functioning in young adults (18-30) who had "short tempers" and "mean dispositions." Ashthma and smoking were ruled out. At this point the study says harboring hostility and unhealthy lungs correlate, or go together, not which direction the "cause" runs.

This is link noting that ice cream sales go up in hot weather - does the hot weather cause the ice creams sales, or do the ice cream sales cause the hot weather? In that example, you don't have to guess, but in many health examples, it isn't clear.

Do you get short of breath when you get angry?

If you'd like to work on anger management, take the EQ Course. This is a comprehensive course that will benefit you in all areas of your life and inrease your emotional intelligence, which includes the intelligent management of anger.

Must be capable of handling college-level material.

Nessun Dorma King Bullied as a Child

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - BUSINESS PROGRAMS, BULLYING AND MOBBING, INDIVIDUAL COACHING, INTERNET COURSES, EBOOKS, Club Vivo Per Lei - I Live for Music

Paul Potts, the World's Favorite Opera Singer, says he was bullied as a child, and sought escape in music.

Deep in debt after years of illness, he has had no formal training, but that his voice was always his best friend.



Kudos to Puccini, composer of "Nessun Dorma" and to his librettists. To learn more about opera, join CLUB VIVO PER LEI. Read about the benefits of music.

For bullying coaching, and business programs on bullying and mobbing, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Forgiveness - Emotional Intelligence

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCY: To be adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving.
From this, you can forgive others.

What is forgiveness? From "A Moment to Remember"



Remember that you forgive for yourself. Otherwise you become the skeleton at the feast.

Business Emotional Intelligence

BUSINESS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Makes some good points.

Be the kind of person people want to be around.
Get along with IT and the other people who can help you do your job.
If you want to impress, come in early, don't stay late. The perception of the ones who come early is always good. The perception of those who stay late is not always good.

Interesting, take a look and let me know what you think.



For a broader look at what he's talking about, take THE EQ COURSE or get career EQ coaching. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I work with people all over the world - distance is not a problem. User-friendly.

John Rowland - Washington Post Article

A Look Back, And Up - washingtonpost.com

FROM THE ARTICLE:

"Gratuities were accepted as if they were his due," U.S. District Judge Peter Dorsey noted at Rowland's sentencing in March 2005. He went off to federal prison as inmate 15623-014, in Loretto, Pa.

In his job, he denied himself virtually nothing. "I did some stupid things," [Rowland] says now. "It started with my sense of entitlement, the belief that I deserved whatever came to me, that everything was about me."

"From the time you arrive, the job of everybody in the office is about making you look good and feel good, and after a while you believe that is the way your life is supposed to be -- people doing things for you. The sun is rising with you -- that's what everybody believes. You end up believing it, too. The people in your office and the lobbyists, they're all saying the same thing: how great you are, and how hard you work for the state, and how much everybody appreciates you, and how you deserve to be rewarded. It starts there."


ONE COMMENT:

Truth is no one is entitled to gratuities even when they are given by loved ones. They are to be appreciated in moderation like fine brandy but to expect they are entitlements lead to ruin.

Many said they were tired of reading about this man in The Washington Post.

Some question whether he's really learned anything at all.

Whatever it is, it is a sad story. Among other things, his impulsivity, if the anecdote is true that he ran into a old sweetheart at a dance and immediately suggested they both divorce and marry.
_____
One of the pitfalls of high-level positions is when you allow yourself to be surrounded only by people who tell you what you want to hear.

TAKE THE EQ COURSE and increase your emotional intelligence.

Shaping Relationships that Work

Hmmm, there are some good points in here.

"Teaching Self-Love to Dogs and Humans,"
by guest writer, Charlie Badenhop

Have you ever thought about the many similarities between dogs and humans?

As a child I was quite involved in breeding and training dogs and I was lucky to have a very talented and wise gentleman as my teacher. I learned a great deal from him that I apply today in my work with people.

My teacher had six basic rules he employed when training dogs and you can use these same rules as a parent or professional facilitator in your workplace. Seem strange?
Have a read and then decide!

My teacher's first rule is "Treat 'the pupils' with firm yet gentle kindness and endless patience." No matter what a dog did, without any trace of annoyance my teacher would calmly and gently let them know when their behavior was not what he
wanted. He would also be very clear in letting the dogs know when he was pleased.

His second rule is "Consistently foster and support the pupil in developing a positive identity." My teacher used to say, "Never tell the dog he's "bad." If you tell him he's bad, he'll start to feel bad, and then the next thing you know he'll start to act bad as well. All the dog will really be doing, is confirming what you've just told him!"

"Don't confuse the identity of the dog, with the dog's behavior. No matter what happens, your dog is a "good dog." And sometimes your "good dog" will have lousy behavior. "Good boy, good dog, don't gnaw on the table leg!"

"Good boy, good dog, don't you dare lift your leg on those curtains!" "No matter what he does, it's very important for your dog to know his positive identity never changes." "If you think in terms of "good dog" now "bad dog" later, your affection for your dog will change like the weather and he will become confused, and not know who he really is."

Rule number three is "Let your pupil know she truly belongs, and that she has her own rightful place in the world." To help dogs fully understand this rule, my teacher applied a stroke of genius. He'd cut a small piece of carpet for each dog he trained and place the carpet in the dog's sleeping area for her to lie on each night. During the day he'd take the same piece of carpet and set it down anywhere he wanted the dog to sit. When the dog sat down upon his request he praised the dog for being obedient, and said "This is your place. You belong here." It didn't take long for the carpet to take on the distinct odor of the dog, and my teacher said this led the dog to feel "at home" whenever the carpet was nearby.

Eventually, my teacher would teach the dog to pick up the piece of carpet in her mouth, and carry it to wherever they were going. The dog would set the piece of carpet down when they arrived somewhere and sit on it, with my teacher all
the while praising her for being so good. At this stage, the dog begins to feel she truly belongs in every place she travels to, and every place feels like home.

The fourth rule is, "Teach by example." If you want your dog to be strong and calm, then you must be strong and calm in your dealings with her. If you want the dog to love you and live for the opportunity to protect you, then you need to teach love by example. You don't expect the dog to love you just because you feed her and give her shelter. The dog winds up loving you as a natural reaction to your love for
her. As my teacher used to say, "It's very simple. Love is a circle, it's not a straight line."

The fifth rule he called "The length of the leash." You need to be able to sense the dog's understanding of what you would like him to do, in relation to what he would like to do. If the leash is too short the dog feels coerced. If the leash is too long the dog has no idea what you want, and comes to rely on his own will and whims. Achieving the "just right" leash length is something you need to learn anew for each dog you train. Eventually you want to get to where you can think a thought, and have the thought travel the length of the leash down to the dog. Once this starts to happen you have a clearer and clearer sense that you and the dog are "one intelligence."

It's important to occasionally let the dog do what he wants to do, even when this runs counter to what you want him to do. This is crucial for building a good relationship, and sometimes you discover the dog has a better understanding of what is taking place than you do!

In the end, you want to take off the leash completely, and let the dog act from its own sense of right and wrong.

Rule number six is, "Treat your pupil as you yourself would like to be treated." Pretty straightforward yes? Don't for a moment believe a dog deserves any less respect than you do.

I ask you now, wouldn't these six rules work just as well with humans as they do with dogs?

................................................................
About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido
instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit
from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and various self-help
Practices, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure
Heart, Simple Mind" here.

People who feel your pain -- literally

Extreme empathizers feel your pain - More Health News - MSNBC.com

People in this experiment have something called mirror-touch synesthesia. When they see another person being touched, they experience a tactile sense of touch. Evidentally for them, it triggers the same part of the brain as actual touch, and this connection helps explain how we understand what other people are feeling.

Paul Potts sings Nessun Dorma and the Crowd goes wild

It's sweeping the Internet -- and what a tribute to the human spirit. Paul Potts, a cell phone salesman from South Wales, bring the audience to their feet in less than a minute, singing "Nessun Dorma," the signature Puccini aria of no less than Luciano Pavarotti.

This crowd (how many do you think have heard opera before? they call this aria "a difficult song") cannot be fooled. A beautiful voice and spirit, and the soul of Puccini ...

Enjoy!

Mister Rogers in Senate Hearing

Watch this incredible video of Mister Rogers appearing before a Senate Hearing in 1969, headed by John Pastore.

Nixon wanted the $20 million for public broadcasting cut in half to fund Vietnam.

Pastore starts out bored and hostile, but watch Mister Rogers apply the emotional intelligence.

Angry People Make More Rational Decisions and Take the "Right" Action?

Need to make a decision? Get angry - LiveScience - MSNBC.com

This is an article that really needs to be commented upon, since it appears to upset evertyhing we've thought about angry.

In our long and tortured collectived and individual attempts to deal with this strong emotion, here comes the latest. As summed up by the msnbc article, "The next time you are plagued with indecision and need a clear way out, it might help to get angry."

The researchers claim anger helps people make better choices (notice this is mental, not an action). They claim it actually aids thinking rationally because it makes us tend to concentrate on the decision-cues "that really matter."

Study is by Wesley Moons, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, and his colleague Diane Mackie.

The upshot is that they think anger makes people think more rationally - both in being able to focus on the "strong" argument (by their definition, the one with valid scientific information), in being more logical in their thinking, and in being better able to 'consier the source.' They think it makes people more decisive. When not angry, people tend to be more wishy-washy. Well, that makes sense.

Why did this bring to my mind the phrase, "cold logic."

Points to ponder:
1. This was induced anger in a laboratory setting.
2. The decision they were asked to make was something like "do college students have good financial habits."
3. Their reporting of the non-logical candidates - well, perhaps LESS logical. Consider that the sample was all U. C. Santa Barbara college students.
4. They were TOLD to "logically evaluate" the material. How often, when you are enraged, are you sitting in a room with an authority figure and pencil and paper, and TOLD to "logically evaluate" the material? More likely you're being attacked by a person who keeps countering that you don't make sense, aren't thinking clearly, and could see it their way if you weren't such an idiot. Or you're facing a mindless entity like whoever is causing the traffic jam, or the bureaucracy that invented taxes, or the evil design that gave you small boobs or pimples. Or worse yet, something that triggers another survival instinct - let's say you find your spouse cheating.

The article ends with this summary: "This could be because anger is designed to motivate people to take action — and that it actually helps people to take the right action, the authors wrote."

That's a very strong statement -- the right action.

Why can't I get it out of my mind, the angry husband who has just found his wife in bed with another man and shoots them both? Which in some states is still manslaughter - "by reason of insanity" - or stronger yet, the cold anger, the cold analytical anger that motivates the person to premeditate a murder? I which case our lega system does not consider it manslaughter.

Real food for thought here. Perhaps one thing to consider is that bell curve again. In the middle, anger does motivate to right action. When you finally get tired of being abused by a spouse or boss and take a "right" action, such as trying to change it, or leaving. But at the extreme or rage ... do we really rational decisions and make the "right" action most of the time? Most of our regrets in life are from lashing out in anger aren't they? The decision may be correct that your husband is cheating - you have analyzed the evidence, and founds the facts. And after that, what is the "right" action? Can it be that simple?

Interesting piece of research here. Let me know your thoughts - mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Take The EQ Course and learn more.

Successful Seduction of Women

DARE TO LISTEN ( http://www.xlnc1.org/index.php )


THE SUCCESSFUL SEDUCTION OF WOMEN

Serving as “Attract Your Dream Partner” expert for a major website, I get questions. I get the same questions in my coaching practice. “I saw this girl in the bookstore and I want to ask her out. What do I do?” “I want to ask this woman out but I can’t get her attention.” “There’s this woman at work …”

Seduction is the art of getting what you want, and “four things greater than all things are: women and horses and power and war.” That quote is from Rudyard Kipling’s “The Ballad of the King’s Jest.” It appears on the dedication page of George Crile’s bestseller, “Charlie Wilson’s War,” about the War in Afghanistan. This book is a real page turner, the story of one man’s quest for women and mules and power and war. (Why mules? Read the book.)

However, if you check out “The Ballad of the King’s Jest,” you will see that it ends with: “Two things greater than all things are, The first is Love, and the second War. And since we know not how War may prove, Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love.”

So let us talk of love. Winning the hand of the woman you love is probably the most important conquest you will make. After all, no amount of success in the workplace can make up for failure at home.

So how do you go about it?

Being persuasive about anything requires a lot more than just IQ. It requires EQ – emotional intelligence. Facts alone do not persuade people. Nor do aggressive actions. Emotions do. You’re not going to win someone over – whether it’s for a date or for a defense contract – by the simple recitation of facts. There’s a lot more involved in it than that. How you handle the emotional quotient can make the difference in the sale.

As Daniel Goleman wrote, EQ can matter more than IQ for success in life. We see people all the time who are geniuses, who can’t seem to get it together in the field of human relations.

What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is a group of competencies which, together, allow you to handle your own emotions and those of others, and apply this to create win-win situations. It also relates to resilience, stress management, and wellness.

Handling your emotions? I’m thinking about the young man who wanted to date me in college – evidently quite a lot, because when I turned him down he replied, “That’s okay, I like your room-mate better anyway.” As we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not a good way of getting it. While I had not really made up my mind about him, he certainly sealed his fate with his response.

An emotional intelligence program will give you information about how the brain works, where emotions comes from, how to manage them, how to identify them in others, how to build resilience, become more flexible, and so forth.

A GOOD EQ program will also address the role of the arts – music, literature, art, dance. The Arts are included in The EQ Course™ because it’s an important avenue to addressing emotion and to whole-brained thinking. The arts provide, and build, effective knowledge and expression of emotion, development of specific important parts of the brain, affordable and fantastic stress relief with no bad side effects, and a sort of enrichment to your life that’s hard to put into words. In fact that’s why we have the arts – for the things we must deal with for which there are no words. See Club Vivo Per Lei.

Emotional expression? A kiss is still a kiss, yes, but what are you going to say when you hear the dreaded, “Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love”?

But there’s another reason why you might be interested in emotional intelligence and exploration of the arts.

One of the most interesting points to come out of “Charlie Wilson’s War” is that this congressman from Texas, whose war was the War in Afghanistan, and who eventually gained a seat on the Appropriations Committee, valued more highly his life-time appointment to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which gave him two tickets to any event he wanted to attend.

Why?

Because four things greater than all things are, and the first was women.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach, www.susandunn.cc . Explore the arts and emotional intelligence through The EQ Course™ and Club Vivo Per Lei . Susan coaches individuals on emotional intelligence and lifeskills, career and relationships. She trains and certifies coaches worldwide in an effective, affordable, fast, no-residency program. For more information, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Bush Bids Farewell to Blair

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN THE NEWS

Bush Bids Farewell to Blair - http://news.scotsman.com/politics.cfm?id=894182007
As Bush says goodbye to Blair, meeting with him for the last time in their official capacities, The Scotsman writes: 'Even detractors of the president concede he has a high "emotional intelligence" quotient, diffusing awkward questions with humour - a tactic deployed more articulately by Mr Blair.'


Meanwhile, NewScientist.com news service reports of a DEVICE THAT WARNS YOU IF YOU'RE BORING OR IRRITATING.

What took them so long? you ask. I have some people I'd like to send this too!

Assuming that we care, we rely on social cues and emotional intelligence to alert us to when we are doing this to others, and autistic individuals lack the ability to read these cues and that's how this device will help.

Called an "emotional social intelligence prosthetic device," it is being developed at MIT. A small camera will be pinned to the side of a pair of glasses which will then be connected to software that can read the emotions these images show. If they aren't "engaging" the other person, the computer will vibrate.

It can supposedly show whether someone is agreeing, disagreeing, concentrating, thinking, unsure or interested. It tracks such things as "movements of the eyebrows, lips and nose, and tracks head movements such as tilting, nodding and shaking."

So far the machine is reading it right 64% of the time with regular folks, and 90% with actors. The article did not say how they were assessing what the people's emotions were -- an interesting point.

One of the problems the researchers also face is training autistic people to look at the faces of the people to whom they are speaking ... an interesting point as well.

If all this makes you think about nonverbal communication, empathy and emotional intelligence, and you'd like to learn more, take the EQ course - www.susandunn.cc/eqcourse.htm . You will find it fascinating to improve your emotional intelligence.

Timothy Bickmore, of Northeastern University in Boston, evidently a dedicated teacher, is quoted as saying: "I would love it if you could have a computer looking at each student in the room to tell me when 20 per cent of them were bored or confused."

To Know How to Grow Old

TO KNOW HOW TO GROW OLD ...

"To know how to grow old,” wrote Henry Frederic Amiel , “is the master work of wisdom, one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living."

One of the most important things you can do to assist in this process, is to work on your emotional intelligence. It includes competencies such as flexibility and resilience.

Want to see how it works?

I have a client who is sure if he retires, he will die. He’s a physician and has been working those long hours since he was in his 20s. His father worked as a physician practically until the day he died, so this man has no role models. You know other people never count, it’s the ones close to you – if your solipsistic, and anyone who thinks they will die if they retire has that sort of narrow-minded, rigid thinking.

I have a female client who is having trouble with the changes in her appearance. While the doctor’s sense of self resides in his profession, this woman’s sense of self and self-esteem resided in her beauty. She is convinced she is no longer beautiful.

Both of these clients are lacking in the emotional intelligence skills that can ease any transition – for this is just another of the transitions in life.

After all, they’re saying that “60” is the new “40” and so forth. We are all living longer, and living in better health, so doesn’t it make sense to prepare for all stages?

You are going to “grow old,” everyone does, unless you don’t get to – and who ever thought of learning how to do it? Well what we want to learn how to do, is how to do it WELL.

One of the keys is a competency we call Resilience. It means being able to bounce back from rejections, losses, setbacks, and adversity, while remaining bouyant and optimistic about the future.

Adversity can hit at any age. Divorce is a hard thing to go through, and people go through it at many different ages. Youth are known to be more “resilient,” and to move through it faster. If you want an example, go to a singles groups for 20 years old, and then a singles group for 60 years old. Most of the people involved in both groups have been divorced, but oh what a different in attitude and outlook. Group #1 is already looking to the future, and eager to meet someone new. Group #2 is spending a lot of time talking about the past.

The mind, you see can get into ruts and run in circles all too easily if we allow it to. When you study emotional intelligence (at least if you take a good course that goes beyond the surface fluff which is usually about how your thinking brain shuts down when you get angry), you will learn a lot about the brain. We form neural connections when we learn things, and while we stop at some point to make new brain cells, it is available to us for – well, maybe forever – to make new connections. And how do you do this? By learning new things.

The more radically new, the better. That means if you’re an engineer, going on a getting your Ph.D. is nice, but it would benefit the resilience of your brain to learn opera or water skiing. If you’re a musician, it would be super to learn a new instrument, but would be far more beneficial, in this respect, to learn how to grow roses, or take up physics.

What should you learn? Something that scares the heck out of you. Something you know nothing about. Something where, when you sit down, you feel LOST. (How long has it been since you felt that way.) You’ll almost feel the wheels grinding as you grope around. I describe it as there’s no skeleton to hang the stuff off of.

I’ve worked with a number of EQ clients who have started into something radically new and they report great results. “My memory’s coming back,” one of them told me. “I thought it was gone.”

Another client, whose professions is ponderous and full of responsibilities, where he is the expert and the one everyone turns to, says it is “fun” to sit in the back of the room and know nothing, and to have to keep raising his hand. I must add that at first he did not, it took come coaching. At first he resented knowing nothing, and being “ignorant.” I encouraged him to continue, “just to see,” and pretty soon the results took over and became his own motivation. He opened up in many other new areas. He is now willing to travel, which he did not want to do before.

You can get in a box, especially if you’ve worked in the same career field your entire life. It seems foreign, or simply impossible, to take up something new. It doesn’t even seem interesting.

And that’s another way to become resilient as you age. You know how they saw if you find people boring, it’s because you are boring, or bored, and what you need to do is GET interested. Being bored by people, by life or by occupation is a habit of thinking after all, and the way you GET out of it is the same way you GOT into it. By going through the motions.

Instead of shutting down when you meet someone who bores you, that you think you know all about, or you disagree with them politically, or they come from another place in life, stop and enforce upon yourself the concept of “curious.” Force yourself – yes, force yourself, that’s how it begins – to say, “Really? And why do you think ____ is a bad candidate?”

Almost beside yourself, you will learn interesting things, and regain some joy that’s been lost in your life.

If you walk past a rose garden every day and either don’t see it, or think the person is ignorant to be growing roses, change your attitude BY FORCE and approach it differently.

Of course it’s up to you. Certainly nobody is going to MAKE you do this if you don’t want to, but I throw it out as a challenge. After all, someone famous said that when things become old (and the world can become old, yes, if you are rigid and brittle), then what you need is NEW EYES, and that’s part of what EQ is all about.

Knowing how to grow old is demanding, but not any moreso than learning how to be an adult, for heaven’s sake, and take your first job. You went after that, didn’t you? Well, here we go again. An emotional intelligence course can really open your eyes. Why not give it a try? You might like it so much you might want to go on an become a coach yourself. It’s a great profession for someone with some wisdom!

©Susan Dunn, EQ and professional life coach, www.susandunn.cc . Career, relationships, retirement and other transitions. Individual coaching is available by phone or email, no contract required. Pay as you go.

BECOME A COACH. Susan trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a program that’s all long-distance, fast, affordable and effective. She is a founding member of CoachVille and has a master’s in clinical psychology. For free ezine mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and write “ezine” for subject line. And be sure and check out her ebook, “Speak on a Cruise and Travel the World for Pennies.” Email for info.

Emotional Intelligence Not Part of the Public Vocabulary?

The Journal Times Online

According to an article in the JournalTimes, Racine, Wisconsin, "emotional intelligence is a term that's not part of the public vocabulary."

Well, we're doing our best to spread the word. It may be better known in other parts of the US, and in the world.

In her article: Q&A: What is emotional intelligence?, Phyllis Sides writes:

Emotional intelligence (E.Q.) is a counter part, so-to-speak, of our intelligence quotient (I.Q.). EQ is rooted in neuroscience and brain research, and is simply defined as our ability to notice and manage emotions in order to connect with other people and build success. EQ includes four basic elements: self-awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management. When used in combination, those four elements can be more powerful than our IQ in determining success in life.

She goes on to add,

Our first instinct usually isn't to consider our emotions and how they will affect our behavior in the next split second of time. Often, the fastest response comes from the emotional part of our brain which causes us to act without thought. Those responses have the power to make or break the moment; our IQ, or what we know, has little to do with how we handle situations.

And interesting point she goes into is something that has never come up in coaching ... can EQ be abused? She thinks it more often "goes under the radar screen or is ineffectively applied, than abused."

I think it's a sad sign of our times, that people sometimes think EQ is going to be used against them.

But if it were - put on your IQ/EQ cap -- wouldn't it help to know more about it?

As Gerry Spence writes in his great book, "How to Argue and Win Every Time," many (most?) of our interchanges during the day involve someythin wanting something and -- he says -- we are born to "argue." We were not meant to sit mute.

And the difference between having a tantrum because your secretary loses something, and berating her and upsetting the staff around you -- and handling the situation so that it's a win-win, is the different between low EQ and high EQ.

Does yelling at someone ever produce the results you WANT? Does humiliating someone in public ever make them perform better? Does throwing something help you find a missing item?

ANGER IS GOOD FOR KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT, NOT FOR GETTING IT. That's an EQ tenet that's very helpful to many people.

Want to learn more? Take my EQ Course and forge ahead.

You can use to effect win-win outcomes. And, on the other hand, as no less thant Sun Tzu said -- if something is out there that can be used against you the smart person does not remain ignorant.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or visit my website: www.susandunn.cc .

Teamwork and Emotional Intelligence

Tom Heck's TeachMeTeamwork

To Heck's TeachMe Teamwork talks about emotional intelligence and leadership, featuring an interview Dr. Haydn Hasty.

"Leaders in the field of team and leadership development know the difference between a marginal leader and a great leader is often boiled down to one thing: Emotional Intelligence (EQ)," he writes.

Isn't it wonderful that the value of emotional intelligence is becoming validated. When I first read about the term, nearly 7 years ago, we jumped on it as "the missing piece," and "the wave of the future." I've been coaching and training emotional intelligence all over the world since that date.

It continues:

"Most have heard of IQ and too many people believe that a leader with a high IQ is what's going to save your team. Not even close. IQ won't save you. EQ will."

In the interview, he talks about the difference between IQ and EQ.

Important to remember however, that the two are not antithetical. It's not either/or. You need both. A low EQ can render a high IQ nearly worthless. I bet you can think of some examples all by yourself!!

If you'd like to improve your emotional intelligence, register for my EQ program. It's on the internet, self-paced, and highly effective.

Former student comment: "It changed my life."

Beautiful Women

Art is so much a part of emotional intelligence.
Enjoy -- 500 years of Women in Western Art

In the words of Rudyard Kipling
Four things greater than all things are
Women and Horses and Power and War

Emotional Intelligence: The Tools of a Catalyst

The Tools of a Catalyst : wdavidphillips.com - missional. global. cultural. theological. think on these things.

This is about the tools of a catalyst, from the book "The Spider and the Starfish". This is about leadership, about drawing people in, making things happen, and the uses of emotional intelligence.

One of these tools is Emotional Intelligence. "Catalysts tend to lead with emotions," it says. "To a catalyst, emotional connections come first. Once there is an emotional connection, then and only then is it time to brainstorm and talk strategy."

Another tool:

Meets People Where They Are. There’s a difference between being passionate and being pushy. A catalyst doesn’t try to persuade people but rather relies on a much more subtle technique: meeting people where they are. When people feel heard, when they feel understood and supported, they are more likely to change. A catalyst doesn’t prescribe a solution, nor does he hit you over the head with one. Instead he assumes a peer relationship and listens intently. You don’t follow a catalyst because you have to - you follow one because he understands you.

Manners, Etiquette and Emotional Intelligence

Wither manners?

"In every society, the role models are the ones who set the standards of behaviour for the rest of the people, irrespective of who they are. As adults we are responsible and accountable for our behaviour at home and in society. Our children learn from us.." writes Datin in her article, "Winning Ways."

She talks about the leadership of a former boss, and about emotional intelligence in particular ...

"No swear words or foul language ever escaped his lips. His demeanour alone showed his displeasure and we would be jumping hoops to rectify the errors and regain his trust. No one ever repeated a mistake. His greatest asset was his ability to get the support of his people. Nothing was shoved down their throat. Everything was done with transparency and his sense of fair play often put others to shame. I learnt the value of good manners from him.

All men know that good manners like the values we have and practise, must be demonstrated in the family so that it becomes part of a child’s character. We also know that instilling good manners cannot be learnt using software as a computer learning activity. People in power or in responsible positions need to use their emotional intelligence in a positive way and understand that good manners are basically an emotional thing. You must want to feel the need to exercise good behaviour.

For more information, take my EQ program, and check out my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child EQ."

Street Sense always wins

FOX Sports - Horseracing - Hard-working Borel finally scores Derby victory

How fitting that Street Sense wins ... and his jockey is known as Bo-Rail for his common sense -- with faultless logic he hugs the rail, he says, because it's the shortest way around the track. He didn't need a scientific research study to figure out how to win. Seeing the obvious, and not complicating things is good common sense, another word for emotional intelligence aka "street smarts."

The magic combination of Borel and Street Sense is full of emotional sense. Borel chose the horse to give him the win, because Street Sense is "very push button" -- he likes to please and does what you ask. How smart, not to fight it! Borel is also known for the clock in his head - his intuition, good timing.

Many years in the making was this big win for the jockey who had the winning combination - hard work, training, discipline, emotional intelligence and STREET SENSE!

Dislike Royalty love the Queen

Americans dislike royalty but adore the queen - Yahoo! News

This is so like emotional intelligence (EQ). And isn't it the truth! Historically, "we" left the UK and came over here to get away from that sort of thing - queens and kings, popes and princes, nobles and knights, privilege and peasants ... but when they come to visit, we love it.

Why?

It's like emotional intelligence. We may blanch at the thought of learning empathy, communication skills, social graces, etiquette and aplomb, and other emotional intelligence skills, as CONCEPTS, and may not even understand them, but when we meet someone who has them, we are entranced and enchanted.

It's common to dislike something at the conceptual level, or as a stereotype, i.e., "I don't like people from the South," but then when you meet an individual, your perceptions change. Which is generally all to the good! If you are rigid, they do change, and you become the person unwilling to be persuaded by reality.

So be willing to give new things a try, or to try on new things.

How can we not thrill at the visit from the Queen of England? Why? Just because.

Most of the time, she never lets us, or her people, down. Since I was in PR, and lived in the world of "being a presence," I probably have a special appreciation for how she conducts herself; and it requires incredible emotional intelligence.

When she's out and about, she is not a person, not Elizabeth, not a woman of a certain age, she is representing -- representing the kingdom on Great Britain. She can't allow herself a foul mood. If her shoes hurt, she can't pay attention to it. If someone says something rude to her, she can't act like a "person," because she isn't -- she's the Queen. If something untoward happens in front of her, she must maintain her composure. For her, when she's out, the cameras are always rolling, and she 'stands for' something far beyond who she is as a person. This is an obligation, a responsiblity, a privilege, a job ... and she does it well.

She also relies on a huge entourage to keep her going. Maybe someone who can find shoes that don't hurt. Who researches the temperature to make sure she has an appropriate outfit. Who, as we learned, teaches other about the proper protocol when in the presence of the Queen of England. Who looks into the people she'll be meeting and finds out about them, so she can make intelligent conversation. In other words -- she has many coaches!

If you're smart, you do this for yourself (and/or hire a coach). If you want to make intelligent conversation that is pleasant to others, you have to know what you're doing. Things like someone who just lost a baby or a job, someone who is new on the scene, someone who has a speech impediment, someone who has political leanings you don't want to bring up ... all that sort of thing. It can keep you out of trouble? You also need to learn the ways to save yourself when you have blundered. Do you know what to do when you don't remember someone's name? Do you know what to say when you're inadvertently insulted someone? Do you know who gets seated first, and what we're supposed to do about opening the doors for women these days?

It pays to know these things! Get some EQ coaching. You'll love it!

Queen's visit calls for etiquette and EQ

WP: Queen's visit prompts protocol fears - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com

ETIQUETTE is a part of emotional intelligence, and so is the extension of it -- protocol. We all just got a big dose watching and enjoying the visit of Queen Elizabeth to the U. S. -- to see how her colony was doing!

In order to help with it all -- what to wear, what to say, and when, and how -- Buckingham Palace flew in about 15 advisors, including the queen's personal assistant and Buckingham Palace's deputy master of the household, for consultations. We were eager to please and they were eager to help us out with it.

I loved the photo of the British ambassador's wife curtseying -- she sure knew what to do. Probably made her feel right at home! (We love that feeling -- ahhh, someone else who wears jeans/says "howdy"/uses "sir" and "m'am"/eats with their fork upside down -- etc.

BTW, this is very much like coaching. Nothing "wrong" with any of us, it's just new, and we'd like to please and know what we're doing. That's what consultants and coaches are for, and one big area is etiquette.

It was the air of excitement that got me. For instance, a real red carpet for her exit from the airplane. For many of us, especially the younger generation, "rolling out the red carpet" came alive for the first tie. (Oh, so that's what that means. They really DO that!)

I also enjoyed the photos of the Queen with the Governor of the Commonwealth of Virgina, who was just about literally dancing, and wore an expression like the cat that swallowed the canary. What a coup! In several photos his feet are barely touching the ground, as he twists and cavorts and gives us the thumbs up -- TWO thumbs up.

Nonverbal is also a part of emotional intelligence and look at the difference. The Queen of England would never engage in such shenanigans. She maintains her posture, her notorious hats and lovely outfits and maybe the royal wave, which we all wait to see. Reserved, refined, well in her case, regal. Americans? Even the governor cavorts and gives a big nonverbal display of pleasure.

You must know emotional intelligence (which includes etiquette) to get where you want to go. Hopefully, you caught the fever during the Queen's visit, because it's great fun. Why on earth would we go to all this trouble to please the Queen? It's in our blood!

We love new things, too, and this is very old and yet very new again. We may even see a resurgence of hats and gloves! If you've noticed, even considering the circumstances of our "greater exposure" to the Middle East, the fashions and colors are slowly creeping in to the American fashion scene.

We just love new things -- or things that are new to us.

If you're curious, and open, that is to say not rigid, or overly invested in your own postures, you 'll develop the art of incorporating new, positive things into your life -- from your wardrobe to your mannerisms, to your speech.

I was reminded of this when visiting my friendly gynecologist the other day. He happens to be French, and as he burst into the room, he gave me a big Asian bow, with hands together in fron. (What on earth?) I immediately felt honored. That's what the gesture is all about, and it works. Amazing, isn't it. He had just been to Japan and was just full of all the new things he'd seen and learned. "They won't confront," he said. "How do you know when they're mad?"

Well actually wouldn't that be a RELIEF? After all, as we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not of getting it. When you go as far as to "show" you're angry, or it's so strong that you can't NOT show it, you're already so pumped up, you're likely not to think straight. You've lost it.

Which way is better?

That's not the question to ask. Just observe and note. Then be willing to adapt. Be willing to learn. You'll be more comfortable. For instance the client I coached who was going to D. C. (from San Antonio) to meet her new boyfriend's family and social set. She showed me what she was planning to wear -- the bright floral patterns of south Texas, with lots of gold glittery bangles and beads. (Are you laughing? Not if you haven't been to D. C.) She didn't listen to my advice. When she returned, she said "I felt like such a rube ... so uncomfortable and out of place. I just couldn't believe what you were saying..."

Believe! Things can be very different and, as she advised in "My Cousin Vinny," it's a good idea to be able to BLEND. When required. EQ is all about choice. First you have to know there is one, and that you have it. It's one thing to stand out in a good way because you have chosen to, and quite another to stand out "like a sore thumb" because you didn't now any better.

We went through all this protocal because we were overjoyed to have the Queen here, and wanted to make her feel -- well, "at home." This is the essence of etiquette and good manners.

In today's multicultural workplace, and rapidly shrinking world, the more you KNOW the better off you are going to be. If you learn the ways of just one other culture, you are able to grasp the concept of how different things can be? In half the world, it seems, it's a great insult to show someone the sole of your shoe. Once you 've heard that, you'll start to consider what else you might do that might offend someone else. And you'll be forced to think, as well, about what in your own country, or part of the country, offends others. We teach these things to our kids; culture is LEARNED. One child learns to bow another to shake hands. One kids learns to stand in line and take their turn, another learns to get in there and push. What would you like to learn more about?

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Etiquette

Emotional Intelligence covers it all -- nonverbal, multicultural, etiquette.

Here's how it's done in Prague!

Emotional Intelligence to be taught in schools in UK

Respect! Good manners to be taught in schools - Independent Online Edition > UK Politics

"Lack of civility" has prompted this school to revise their curriculum and include EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. It isn't being learned at home, they claim:

The programme will be integrated into the curriculum, and will teach pupils about fair play and dealing with adversity.

The new moves to instil good manners in young people is the latest attempt to deal with what many politicians and commentators bemoan as a blight on British society, making streets, schools and communities unsafe and unpleasant. The worry is that children no longer have the authority figures to look up to and that the state has to an extent take on the responsibilities that belong to parents.

From September secondary school children will learn basic values and "golden rules" such as: "We are gentle, we are kind, we work hard, we look after property, we listen to people, we are honest, we do not hurt anybody."

WE ARE GENTLE

WE ARE KIND

WE WORK HARD

WE LOOK AFTER PROPERTY

WE LISTEN TO PEOPLE

WE ARE HONEST

WE DO NOT HURT ANYBODY

The program will include learning how to deal with anger and disappointment.

To learn more, order my ebook "How to Teach Your Child EQ".

Michael Jordan's Son to Play for Illinois

Michael Jordan's son plans to play for Illinois - NCAA Basketball - Yahoo! Sports

AND NOW WE WILL SEE THE PLAY OF GENES.

For perhaps it is in sports that we can most clearly see the drama of potential v. actuality (which take Intentionality); the interaction between natural ability, and the ability to use it to the best advantage, which means, in the case of sports, to win. And in a team sport, the ability to function so that the team wins. Individual ability can't carry it. Individual EQ can.

Sports coaches were emotional intelligence coaches before there was such a field. You can take the most physically adept, naturally athletic person, well-trained in the dribble and the shoot, and watch them self-destruct or soar, depending upon their emotional intelligence. Of course the same applies to the most IQ-adept person, but it's hidden, we don't get to see it. No matter how much you want to fantasize, there are no 5'1" females playing NCAA basketball.

Now the world wonders .... does young Jeffreay have what it takes?

Emotions motivate us (both from the same root word). They can also render us ineffective in mental and physical pursuits. They figure heavily in motivation. Will a boy attending Loyola in Wilmette have the drive? Michael is 6'6", and Jeffrey only 6'2". What about that?

The EQ will play to motivation, also determination, the ability to handle the lifestyle, and, importantly the ability to function within a team.

Considered by many to be the world's best basketball player, Michael was unable to play on wining TEAMS in the early years, though he set individual performance records, because he sometimes played at a level so above his teammates that the Bulls failed to function as a team.

There is also particular pressure on the son of a great man.

The world will be watching and rooting for this talented young man. I hope he has a good Emotional Intelligence coach.

Coping with Change

SirsiDynix OneSource: Change – Arrghhhhh!

On the blog, Stephen Abram, MLS, talks about change and the emotional intelligence it requires.

Stephen is vice president, Innovation, for SirsiDynix, and the chief strategist for the SirsiDynix Institute (http://www.sirsidynixinstitute.com/). He is an SLA Fellow, president-elect of SLA, and the past president of the Ontario Library Association and the Canadian Library Association.

What he's really talking about is the emotional intelligence competency of RESILIENCE.

Wnat to learn more? My ebook "Resilience" is available here.

New Leadership Development Track at Nations Oldest Utility Operations Conference

New Leadership Development Track at Nations Oldest Utility Operations Conference

SOFT SKILLS ARE HARD TO COME BY
Come learn emotional intelligence with me!

Minnetonka, MN (PRWEB) April 23, 2007 -- Midwest Energy Association (MEA) announced today that they have added a Leadership Development training track to help new and developing crew leaders, supervisors and managers enhance their management skills. The sessions are part of MEA's efforts to assist the industry with its serious workforce development challenges. With some utilities facing 30% or more retirements in the next 5 years, they want both the traditional technical sessions offered at the gas and electric conferences and Leadership Development. The new leadership training covers a range of soft skill topics including Workplace Relations, Contractor Alliances, Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Presence.

DMAE (Instant Face Lift Chemical) Injures Cells Permanently says Cell Biologist

ARBONNE. IT'S THE BEST WELLNESS STRATEGY.
"Instant Face Lift" Chemical DMAE Damages Skin Cells

ALERT: THE PRODUCT YOU USE ON YOUR FACE COULD BE DAMAGING YOUR SKIN PERMANENTLY

According to Reuters:

"A chemical used in cosmetic products promising an 'instant face lift' makes wrinkles disappear by damaging skin cells, Canadian researchers report. 'From our point of view the cells are altered. They stop dividing, they stop secreting, and after...24 hours a certain proportion of them die,' Dr. Francois Marceau of the Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Quebec told Reuters Health.

Marceau is a cell biologist and I hate to even THINK what made him decide to investigate this chemical so common in over-the-counter cosmetics.

This is why I recommend ARBONNE skin care products so highly.

ARBONNE products are researched by the Swiss and mfg in the US. They contain the purest of ingredients. This is important because what you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.

I was a houseguest the other week and made the mistake of using some of my hostess' face lotion sitting in the bathroom. My eyes got puffy immediately, and I felt headachy and "sick."

I asm very sensitive to chemicals ... are you? We all seem to be "sensitive" to DMAE.

Why not give ARBONNE a try. And order some for the "mother" in your life for Mother's Day.
Shop with me safely online at MyArbonne.

Emotional Intelligence is Learned at Home

The Daily Star Web Edition Vol. 5 Num 1028

From Bangladesh, Shahnewaz Khan writes about Emotional Intelligence.

"After reading the book, I understood the first sentence my programming professor at university said to us on the very first day: 'We can't teach programming at university This is a subject you should have already learned when you went to the park for a walk with your parents, or solved a puzzle with your mom in the living room, what we teach here is purely syntax (the grammar of the programming language), and brush up your analytical ability a little to ignite your talent.'"

Are you teaching your child Emotional Intelligence? Yes, you are. Whether you want to or not, whether you do a good job at it or not, you are teaching your child emotional intelligence .. so why not do it right?

My ebook, "How to Develop Your Child's EQ" will show you how. Order it HERE.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. So it a heart!

A . . . angry
B . . . bitter
C . . . curt

and so it goes ...

When It Is a Fact, Not a Problem

Emotional Intelligence is about reading reality correctly, amidst the emotional reactions pressing on your cognitive intellect.

I love this quote:

"If a problem has no solution, it may not be a problem, but a fact - not to be solved, but to be coped with over time." - Shimon Peres, Polish-born Israeli Politician

I like it so much because, with even normal intellect, solving a problem is easy. Dealing with a fact you don't like, however, is not, and requires a great deal of emotional intelligence.

Here are sme FACTS I've helped clients learn to cope with over time:
--An adult daughter who is damaged, vindictive and hysterical.
--A boyfriend who is, and always will be, a "stringer".
--A boss who has very low emotional intelligence and is a "difficult person."
--A colleague who is left-brained (or right-brained) and incapable of whole-brain thinking.
--Someone who thinks the client him/herself is a problem to be fixed.
--A controlling husband.
--An abrasive sister who likes to triangulate with the mother against the client.

With a FACT there are three (3) ways to cope:

+Change the situation;
+Change your attitude; or
+Leave

The first two (2) pertain to IQ. The last one pertains to EQ.

Learn to know the difference!

We're Just Friends but I Want More

CHECK OUT MY LATEST TOP TEN, www.topten.org

As an Attract Your Ideal Man coach, and expert for a major website, most of the questions I get fall into one of several predicatable groups. One of them is similiar to this letter.

Dear Susan:

We've been friends for years. I'm 30 and he's 35. I think we have a great relationship - lots of laughs and good times and we get along great. The trouble is I've fallen in love with him. I've never said anything. I want more. What can I do? Hint? Flirt more? I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I'm in love with this man. Please help.

Signed: Confused

Dear Confused:

If there's one truth in this world it is this: If the man wants "more" in a relationship, he will go for it -- no matter his age, "shyness," your situation, your attitude, your marital state, the nature of your current 'relationship,' or anything else.

I don't know if you are male or female, it doesn't matter, but this situation you describe takes place in offices all across the nation every day -- she's in love with her boss (or co-worker) and doesn't know...she thinks he does nothing because it's work, he's married, blah blah ...
________________________________________
Since I get to hear from so many people, here's how it works and these happen to be true stories with names changed, except for the last two.

1. 1. Mary wanted a divorce.

She went to Tom, a married divorce lawyer for professional help. Tom said, within 10 mins. and to her utter surprise: "I'm referring you to someone else because I want to date you."

2. Shereen was seeing a psychologist for whatever (in one of those states where you can 'date' a client once they aren't your client).

In the third session he told her he was terminating the therapy and referring her to another psycholigist because he wanted go have an intimate relationship with her. (He is the ethical type.)

3. Nancy had been in love with her boss, Larry, for 3 months, but #1, he was married, and #2, she needed her job and the policy manual said ...

In the 4th month, Larry asked her out on a date with direct innuendo. Nancy said "What about my job?" Larry said, "What about your job?"

4. Alicia is happily married.

She also can't stand a certain male client who had done some clumsy flirting. She ignored him. She managed to be away when she knew he was coming, assigned her part of the contract to her partner, wouldn't answer the phone if she knew it was he. Alicia had given him no encouragement, in fact quite the opposite. He tracked down her home phone number and asked her out.

5. Dr. John, an Ob.Gyn, put the move on Sandra during a physical exam.

He then left his wife of 25 years, and put his practice into jeopardy.

6. Samantha and Ted had been great friends for a year.

Samantha liked it that way. Ted wasn't her type. She had her eye on Roberto. Samantha and Ted went to the movies on Sunday nights. One Sunday night, to her complete surprise and horror, he reached over and touched her breast and then tried to plant a kiss on her.

7. Tiphany was a high-powered executive.

She hired Frank to be her secretary, file clerk and go-pher. The distance between their ages, rank, education, income and everything else was truly unsurmountable - from the outside, anyway. However, the first time she asked Frank to drive her to the airport, and they were, therefore, out of the office, he put the move on her.

8. Bill CLinton, married and the president of the United States of America, had an intern ...

9. The heir to the throne of England fell in love with a commoner. To marry her, he would have to abdicate the throne.

He did.

IN SUM: Unethical or ethical, disgusting or classy, appropriate or walking the line, interested in marriage or just sex, men don't let the grass grow under their feet when they want to "date" a woman. They aren't shy about it (no matter how timid they appear in other situations); they don’t care if they have a fiduciary relationship with her; they don’t care about anyone’s marital state; they don’t care about the policy manual; and they don’t care whether they and the woman are currently "friends", work colleagues, in direct work competition, or anything else. They could care less about "hints," "encouragement," or "flirting."

THAT'S WHY WE SOMETIMES CALL THEM "CLUELESS", BTW.

If he wanted something different with you, you would know it because he would take action.

(Incidentally, I have also heard from women who did take action with a guy like the one you describe, and got the guy to marry them, and down the line it doesn't work out. If he'd been interested and male, he would've taken action. If he didn't, but gave in, the woman is some kind of consolation prize, duty, last resort or something else you don't ever want to be.)

WORD: When a man wants something, he takes action and you don’t have to do a thing except defend yourself if you don’t want it.

Enjoy the friendship and attract another male who's interested in you that way. You'll know it by how he acts.
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About the Submitter
This piece was submitted by Susan Dunn, Dating Coach, MA, Clinical Psychology, Founding Member of Coachville, Professional Coach - Dating, Life, Career, EQ, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or visited on the web at www.susandunn.cc.

Susan Dunn wants you to know that she offers individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks and seminars. She serves as attract your ideal man on a major website, and has been a frequent lecturer on cruises. She also trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a long-distance, affordable, effective program. Email her for more information.

Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com says Learn about Emotional Intelligence

Profile: Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com - Accountancy Age

Paolo Piero FD of an online company says:

Be emotional: If you have the opportunity to learn about emotional intelligence, do so. It enables you to find the optimum way to interact with all types of people in order to get the best results.

‘Working with very senior people can make you feel intimidated or inspired, depending on how your emotional intelligence is developed. It’s a good skill to identify as it’s a real differentiator. Other more technical skills are great to have but are often taken as a given.’

You have a chance to learn about emotional intelligence here. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information on this exciting program that can amp your career and relationships in ways you can't imagine.

Book Review: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain by Sharon Begley @ Blogcritics.org

Book Review: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain by Sharon Begley @ Blogcritics.org

Neuroplasticity ... and emotional intelligence.
It's a fascinating subject, the notion of neuroplasticity. We know that resilience (an emotional intelligence competency) is greatly enhanced in old age by learning new things. And this means something radically new, not just advancing in your own field, or learning to run instead of walk for exercise. This means the engineer who learns Italian, or the English major who learns how to ride a motorcycle, or the Spanish major who learns some math.

Getting OUT of your field.

That's why I greatly value "generalists" - - people who know a lot about many things, not just a whole lot about one thing.

Look around you at the seniors you know. Consider the total picture re: a person who was a doctor their entire life, then retired and gardens v. a person who had several career fields, reads voraciously, has radically different hobbies, and friends from many different sectors.

It's not just that the latter type person might be more interesting, there's a difference in the vitality level, and also the resilience.

Read the book review of Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain. It's fascinating!

I invite you to come study emotional intelligence with me. Check out my website at www.susandunn.cc .

Coaching, consulting, Internet courses, ebooks, ezines, and more!

Examining the alpha male at work

Examining the alpha male at work - CNN.com

As an early-adopter of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) I was thrilled to see this article. I, too, have studied the alpha male - - from the vantage point of EQ v. IQ.

Each of the 4 types of alpha males (commander, visionary, strategist, and executor) has its downside, says this article on cnn.com's CareerBuilder, and, most interestingly, the climate is changing -- the alpha males may go the way of the dinosaurs as the influence of more women in the workforce has brought in emotional intelligence and affilitiave, collaborative behavior. Or is it the influence of more EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE in the workplace.

The great divide began when we had to leave Freud and Freudian psychology behind ... the drives - - sex and aggression - - well there's a lot more driving people today, like wanting to enjoy life, find meaning in their work, balance in their lives, and room for the emotional factor. Most important decisions must be made by other than strictly rational, logical means, after all. If you could choose the best stock rationally, all us investors would be millionaires - there are charts, after all. And if you could choose the best candidate for a job by their resume alone, it wouldn't be the miasma that it is, would it? No, it takes intuition, gut feeling, creativity, flexibility, and a host of other EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE competencies.

EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is now looked for as well as IQ in management, leadership and the workplace. In fact it's slowly being demanded in the workplace. If the average job in the US now is 18 months, one of the reasons people leave is because of abusive management. We cannot do our best work in an atmosphere of nit-picking, or where we're ignored, or devalued in comparison to data, for instance. And your EQ will tell you that most of us truly want to succeed, grow, learn, help others in the workplace to do the same, and to be appreciated. Not all the time, but just enough.

Take for instance the alpha male called The Executor. Probably my least favorite to work for because (to me) the Visionary is inspiring; strategists' minds are so fascinating and in my world they generally find a way to avoid much contact with people; and commanders are energizing. I worked for all of these types in my day (and that's why I'm not self-employed!)

Executors, however, are micro-managers who cramp your style, eschew anything creative or "outside the box," and never give priase, but rather pick, pick and pick, and most importantly, must assign blame. I've seen then stop the whole parade for as long as an hour or more, to get out their miocroscope and investigate a rather inconsequential incident. When I'm around one, I always want to shout, "Stop! Just fix it! Let your people free!"

So many things in the workplace today, particularly because it IS more collaborative, are a failing of systems or equipment, or simple one-time human error -- not something that can be fixed. And it takes a real micro-manager to stop the flow of a project, particularly under pressure of a deadline, to fly-speck and see "whose fault it was."

How much better to say to the human who failed at that one point, "That's not like you!" than to harp on the mistake. Someone who continually fails, sure, and particularly one who intentionally sabotages, but the average person having a bad moment or day ... well, it's NOT LIKE THEM, so move forward. Guilt, blame, tempers and anger accomplish th exact opposite of anyone's intent. And lets hope those few people, among them managers, who enjoy making other people miserable, are really on their last legs in the workplace.

Okay. Now I'm off my soap box. But I'm an emotional intelligence coach after all, and I KNOW that EQ matters more in managing people than IQ does. Perhaps the time has come to let the sheer intellect types work in isolation (which they generally prefer), and keep them away from management, which annoys both sides of the equation.

There should be ladders of promotion on two tracks - the people side, and the OTHER side.

The most heartening thing about the article is that emotional intellingence has become so well-known and valued.

We were an early-adopter and have helped so many people improve their lives, and the lives of those around them through emotional intelligence. It is truly the "common language," as I have trained and worked with people around the globe, who immediately catch on to the power of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is empowering. Get involved! See me for coaching, or to take the EQ course. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

How to Win Anyone Over - MSN Lifestyle: Boomers

How to Win Anyone Over - MSN Lifestyle: Boomers

Studies show that humans, like other primates, possess an instinctive urge to "mirror" each other.

This is a great to-the-point article on "how to get along." It's full of emotional intelligence - nonverbal signals, the link between humans and other mammals that we call, in emotional intelligence, "the limbic connection." The idea that emotions are contagious (therefore it's important that you know how to "catch" them or not!).


Take a look!

Did you know that the bottom line on etiquette is making the OTHER person feel good. So flash that smile!

Thank You Note

It's so nice to be quoted, especially when it's about kindness and saying "thank you."

On Beck's cafe:

"Do it [write thank you notes} for gifts, acts of kindness or friendship, or just because. Often times we don’t do it as we aren’t sure how. And usually the ideas on how to do it are tailored only for thank you notes for gifts. But substitute “gift” for act of kindness or friendship and any concepts on how to write a thank you note applies. Susan Dunn, MA, A Professional Life Coach has this advice (remember substitute the word “gift” for some other act of kindness and her advice applies universally too), “When you write the note, mention the gift or gifts specifically. Mention some way that you will use it, or what it meant to you, how much you love the color red, or how you’ve been wanting to read that book”. (source and examples: “How to Write a Thank You Note and Why“, Susan Dunn, MA, Professional Life Coach, Emotional intelligence & Etiquette"

Etiquette comes naturally with emotional intelligence. We all like to be appreciated and thanked.

Why?

Just because!

Winning at Work

Charlotte Business Journal: Winning at Work

"Work hard," writes Connie Glaser. "Do your best. Know what’s expected. Create value.

Isn't this what we were taught? And since we are smart, capable and doing all the right things, we will get ahead -- right? Well, in today's complex workplace and competitive global marketplace, here is a startling piece of news: it is not enough."

Through coaching, she advises, many are learning the essential ingredients of success.

"The traditional ingredients for a successful career," she writes, "require combining technical and interpersonal skills, along with emotional intelligence. Mix in cultural astuteness, and you've got a recipe for success in today's workplace."

Benjack Glatzer defines culture astuteness as "the ability to get out of your office and your comfort zone, and navigate smoothly through the cultural nuances of your specific company."

And this requires a great deal of emotional intelligence.

The good news is that emotional intelligence (EQ) can be learned. Contact me for more information - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Learn How to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

Learn about the 7 Key Steps to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

THE MAJOR KEY IS WELLNESS ... being in top shape physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Emotions effect our wellness - as Candace Pert, Ph.D. says, our emotions are in every cell of our body. Try ARBONNE for feeling your best. You cannot follow any of the 7 steps unless you are robust, energetic and healthy. Shop safely online with me at MyArbonne. I use only their products, cosmetics, supplements, lotions (they are PURE) and I haven't missed a day of work (or fun) in 4 years. Have you? What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.
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What's the key to a great workplace?

Emotional Intelligence ... according to Dr. Steven Stein, who studies emotional intelligence, or EQ, these are the 7 keys from his new book:

THE 7 KEYS (Go HERE to read the whole article.)

1. Hire capable people who love the work they do and show how they contribute to the bigger picture.

2. Compensate people fairly.

3. Don't overwork (or under work) people.

4. Build strong teams with shared purpose and viable goals.

5. Make sure managers can manage.

6. Treat people with respect and leverage their unique talents.

7. Be proactively responsible by doing the right things to win the hearts and minds of your people.

All of these are signs that the workplace has a high EQ or emotional intelligence. "Happy" people ar emore productive, and one thing we learn from studying emotional intelligence, which I like to combine with the StrengthsFinder assessment (because it is NOT all about "emotions") is that what makes one person "happy" in the workplace, does not make another person "happy."

Look around in an average office these days and you will find all ages, cultures, backgrounds, etc. I was observing one alpha male today. The office is under a huge crunch, and many are wearing down. This man absolutely LOVES to work and "churn it out." He gets HAPPIER as the pressure builds, more cheerful as the day progresses, and I find hi absolutely energizing. Why? Because emotions are contagious. There's nothing like a leader who can smile when the going gets rough, and can show what I call "grace under pressure."

Want to know more about it? Take the EQ course.

It's all about GRACE UNDER PRESSURE.

Birthday Feast for Favourite God Prince Philip

Know anyone who's sitting at the base of a banyan tree waiting for ...
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At the base of a banyan tree...

SOUTH SEA TRIBE PREPARES BIRTHDAY FEAST FOR THEIR FAVOURITE GOD, PRINCE PHILIP
They only recently learned his birthday is June 10th

"You must tell King Philip that I'm getting old and I want him to come and visit me before I die," said the white-haired chief, who thinks he is about 80. "If he can't come perhaps he could send us something: a Land Rover, bags of rice or a little money."

Oddly, people of Yaohnanen and surrounding villages worship the 85-year-old Prince Philip as a god, believing him to be the son of an ancient spirit who inhabits a nearby mountain.

See photo HERE.

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