You Always Get a Second Chance

Leon Fleisher plays the piano, without the use of his right hand



WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS ... AND YOU LOSE YOUR DREAM, REMEMBER

YOU ALWAYS GET A SECOND CHANGE

Sometimes you have to wait till you're in your 60s or 70s to get your soul's desire back . . .

His joy is profound. His music is spirit-filled.
His latest CD is called "Two Hands", for a special reason.

Leon Fleisher made his piano debut with the NY Philharmonic at the age of 16.
Then, in 1964, when he was 35 years old and just approaching the pinnacle of his career as a concert pianist, he lost the use of his right hand.

For 40 years, he was diagnosed as having "repetitive stress syndrome," and was forced to play a left-hand repertoire only.

In 1992, at the age of 63, it was found that he suffered from focal dystonia*.
Shortly thereafter, he began injections of Botox.

"Within 24 - 48 hours, I knew this was working," Fleisher said. "My muscles, from being in a state of perpetual and involuntary contraction, began to de-contract . . . I had sought an answer for 35, 40 years. I had hopes for so many possiblities and always those hopes were dashed. This is quite phenomenal."

"There is always hope," he added.

The first pieces he played were Chopin's Nocturne in D flat major and "Sheep May Safely Graze" from Bach's Cantata No. 208.

In 2004, he released "Two Hands," his first recording of a two-handed repertoire in 40 years. It has sold more than 100,000 copies.

When he first learned he might never again play piano with two hands, he fell into what he calls "a state of despair and depression" that lasted nearly two years.

"Suddenly I realized that the most important thing in my life wasn't playing with my two hands: it was music," he said.

Teaching at top US conservatories, he was known for giving his piano pupils special insights into both music and life.

"My greatest pleasure," he said, "is to see the light of understanding in a student's eyes - - what I call the 'Aha!' moment."

Now 75 years old, he continues to tour, and recently had a solo concert at Carnegie Hall.

Click here to hear him play "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring" and more, from his new CD, "Two Hands".

*Focal dystonia is a neurological disorder in which the brain, for unknown reasons, sends messages through the nerves that cause muscles in a certain part of the body to contract and curl up involuntarily. Usually painless, the contractions occur only during specific tasks. For instance, Fleisher's hand might fail him at a Rachmaninov concerto, but work perfectly when he tied his shoes. This is completely different from carpal tunnel syndrome, tendinitis or repetitive stress syndrome, which involve injured nerves or muscle, not brain impulses that govern otherwise healthy muscles and nerves.

Don't ever give up hope!

Especially if it's your heart muscle that's got focal dystonia.

You always get a second chance.

~ ~ ~

Self-Forgiveness

Did you know that being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving is an EQ competency? If you need to change something, or make amends, do so. But believe, of yourself as well as others, "We are all doing the best we can under the circumstances and with the knowledge we have, even when clearly we are not." :-)

THE CRACKED POT
author unknown

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots was perfectly made and never leaked. The other pot had a crack in it and by the time the water bearer reached his master's house it had leaked much of it's water and was only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace his table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength.

What's More Emotional Than Money?

WHAT'S MORE EMOTIONAL THAN MONEY?

Not much.

From the stock market, to marital fights, to spoiled and demanding teenagers, and loss-of-integrity scandals like Enron, there's hardly anything more emotional in our lives. Work is about money, so is career, and so are many relationships.

Learning about money is learning about emotions.

For more information on how to teach your kids EQ, see my ebook, "Practical Tips for Developing Your Child's EQ".

I remember hearing my mom say a thousand times, "Money doesn't grow on trees." Did your mom say that?

Here's one thing I found helpful. When my sons were about 10 or 11, I gave the some money to invest ("What's that, Mom?") and we shopped around for interest rates and went to the bank. I also gave them their first credit card when they were in high school, so they could start learning. One really big learning lesson came for my son when he was in college. I had been giving him a certain amount per month for extras. The second semester, I gave him the rest of the year's in one lump-sum. I had seen people squander "windfalls" and wanted him to have that experience. Sure enough he spent it all at once. It was hard for me not to come forth with any more money the rest of the year, and hard for him, but he's mentioned that learning experience since then, and grew up to be a great money-manager.

Here's a great tip I saw. When I was the fundraiser for a homeless shelter, I was invited to an elementary school -- me and the TV cameras. The children, with the help of the teacher and one of the dads, had invest their money in stocks. They chose things they could understand and loved(like Warren Buffet, like Legos and McDonalds. The kids had beaten the DJ and the media was very interested. At the same time, they were donating half their profits to the homeless shelter. It was a great morning for me, and a great lesson for the kids.

MORE TIPS:

Today's guest article, "Teach Kids About Money And Saving - The 10 Vital Lessons Your Child Must Learn!" by Rachel Incoll

Your 5-year-old daughter has started asking for money to buy sweets and toys. She obviously has a good understanding of the concept of exchanging money for items she wants or needs, but what are the important lessons you should teach kids about money and saving. You want to make sure that she doesn't grow up into one of those kids that are constantly pestering mom and dad for money, running up credit card debts as a teenager, and not having any idea how to save.

There are 10 basic money skills that every child should learn before they enter the teenage years. It's never too late to learn, but most children are far more receptive to ideas from their parents before they hit the age of thirteen, than after.

1. Money doesn't grow on trees! One of the best known and oldest quotes around. It is important that children understand from early on that money is a limited resource, that mom & dad's bank account will eventually run dry if they keep making
withdrawals from it.

2. People go to work to earn money. Money is something that needs to be earned, you are never going to become financially secure sitting around not doing anything, and expecting handouts from people.

3. Credit cards are a form of borrowing. Believe it or not, surveys have shown that an alarmingly high number of teenagers don't realise that credit cards are a form of borrowing. If they don't understand this basic concept, it leaves them at risk of running up crippling credit card debts.

4. Avoid borrowing money where possible. Wherever possible, money should be saved rather than borrowed as borrowing attracts extra costs such as interest, which can in some circumstances, double the amount of money you need to repay.

5. There is good debt & bad debt. No debt is really all that good, but some forms of debt will make you money while others cost you money. Good debt can include a home loan, investment loan or business loan, as these items have a tendency to make money above the amount of interest you have to pay. Bad debt can include credit cards, personal loans or car loans, as these items never make you any money.

6. If you don't have the cash to buy something, then you can't afford it.

7. Spend less than you earn. Many people these days are spending 10% to 20% above what they earn, creating a vicious cycle of high credit card interest rates, long hours at work to pay the credit cards & in some cases bankruptcy. The knowledge of how to budget your money seems to have been lost, make sure your child learns this important lesson!

8. A portion of your money should be given to the needy. Around 10% of your money should be given to those who are in need/charities.

9. Pay yourself first. This is what I call your sanity money! Allow 10% of your money for yourself to spend however you wish.

10. Save at least 10% of your money. Like budgeting, the skill of saving money seems to have been lost over the last 20 years, with fewer people than ever before regularly saving a proportion of their income.

With these lessons well and truly learnt, your child should have no problem managing their finances in a proper manner, and avoiding the credit trap. Don't risk your child becoming one of the hundreds of thousands of young adults that go bankrupt each
year!


About The Author: Rachel Incoll is the author of Kids Money Tips. She has helped show thousands of parents how they can teach their children everything they need to know about money in just a few simple steps. Visit her site to find out how your child can learn to save & manage their money more effectively.

What are you doing this weekend?

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"We have to decide for ourselves what's nourishing to our souls, and do those things over others." -- Thomas Moore

From the Daily Guru. I thought this was wonderful:

We experience soul when we really connect with life -- when we stop and consciously experience what is happening.

We lose soul with:

- resistance - to anyone or anything
- superficiality - we avoid depth of experience
- control - we try to control the relationship
- selfishness - we remain self-centered.

Each of these attitudes fosters separation rather than connection. Once again, soul lives in relating.

Take time to become aware of, and perhaps journal on how you relate to other people and things in your life.
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EQ / Listen Up!

Just another way of saying what we can't HEAR ENOUGH. Listen! You might learn something.

P.S. This is business-oriented. In personal relationships, and also in business relationships, we must give people the space to share feelings.

If you are talking, you cannot listen. In order to hear what another person has to say, you have to stop talking and start listening!

It is necessary for you to recognize the difference between listening, and waiting for your turn to talk. They are not the same activity.

Listening is focusing on the other person and giving them the space they need to share information. Waiting for your turn to speak is focusing on you!

How do you improve your listening skills after you stop talking?

First, you have to want to listen. You have to believe the person speaking has something valuable to say, and that you will benefit from the information revealed.

Your clients will tell you what they need, if you give them an opportunity. If you focus on what you believe they need, you risk sending them on their way without a sale.

Communication is not just about you talking about your product or service. It is about listening to the concerns of your customers.

Several years ago my husband and I had decided to downsize and were in the market for a condo. We visited the model of a new development that looked very attractive.

The salesman was determined to tell me all about the kitchen and the wonderful features that were included. My husband remarked to him that the kitchen was very low on my priority list and that he was wasting his breath.

What did matter to us was the policy on companion animals because we had three cats. The agent said he did not know the policy, but thought the rules allowed only one animal. He completely dismissed the need and went back to talking about the kitchen.

We left shortly thereafter and did not bother to return any calls from the salesman.

We visited another complex the same day that had a real estate professional who stopped talking and listened!

In order to not waste our time, we decided to ask immediately about the policy on cats. The agent was well prepared and knew the answer to an inquiry about companion animals. Cats and dogs were welcome!

The agent also wanted to tell me about the kitchen. I still was not very interested, but much more willing to listen since my top need was met. We purchased the condo and moved in with all three kitties!

Second, you have to give yourself the space to listen. If you life is full of clutter, you have neither the time, nor the energy, to pay attention.

I have assisted hundreds of people to become more organized. In the process, it has become very obvious to me that poor management of resources will create barriers to effective communication.

You cannot listen when your mind is racing. You cannot focus when you are running late. You cannot give people space to talk when you have no space of your own!

Is your paperwork a disaster? Do you over-schedule yourself? Are you buried in clutter? What issue is creating barriers to your listening ability?

If your first thought is, "I don't have time for this", consider how successful you are and decide if you are satisfied!

What can you do? There are hundreds of articles and books on organizing and clutter control. You are sure to find clues that match your behavior style and provide ideas to make necessary changes.

Perhaps you need to work with a life coach to design a plan that will allow you overcome the barriers you are creating.

You have the power to stop talking and start listening! You have the ability to develop your listening skills! You have the potential to create space in your life by proper management of your resources!

Why not begin today?
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Mary Ellen Warner, MSA, DTM is a speaker, author and coach who works with people to overcome barriers to effective communication. Learn more about Mary Ellen and her new book "Stand Out in the Crowd! Effective Communication Skills for the Real Estate Professional" at http://www.marbilwarner.com or contact her at maryellen@marbilwarner.com.
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Emotional Intelligence (EQ) for India

MAHA SHIVRATRI, the night of the worship of Shiva, is here -- the 14th night of the new moon. Hindus will offer prayers to the lord of destruction.

According to the Puranas, back in the mythical time when the ocean, Samudra Manthan, was churning, it churned up a pot of poison. Afraid it could destroy the whole world, the gods and demons ran to Shiva for help. In order to protect the world, Shiva drank the deadly poison, keeping it in his throat instead of swallowing, so his throat turned blue, and that's why he's known as the blue-throated one. Shivratri celebrates the night Shiva saved the world.

It's a special night for women. Married women pray for their husbands and sons. Single women pray for a wonderful husband like Shiva.

But it is for everyone. Those who say the name of Shiva during Shivratri with pure devotion are freed from all sins. They will reach the abode of Shiva and be free from the cycle of birth and death.
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If you live in India get ready for EQ Alive! In conjunction with Orane Enterprises, we're bringing the EQ program to India. Managers and corporation and business owners will enjoy this program in the workplace, currently challenged with the phenomenal economic growth which is expected to continue. Emotional Intelligence can give your business the leading edge, making leaders out of managers, empowering employees, increasing productivity and more harmonious work relations. Join us. Email me now, sdunn@susandunn.cc and Kiran, who lives in Mumbai, will send you an introductory packet. Coursework is on the Internet, and coaching sessions are free, via skype.

Remember Bhrigu in the Taittiriyo Upanishad, discovering Truth/ Kalvi Maani Bhootaani: Life comes from the Mind and is sustained by the mind.

Do you love Bhairavi, Todi, Darbari Kanhra or Kedar? Join our Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music - it's free!

If you're an individual or a business that wants to get the winning edge, get started on your Emotional Intelligence now.

Maha Shivaratri

HAPPY MAHA SHIVARATRI - SHIVA'S NIGHT

Greetings and best wishes to all our friends in India, and those in all parts of the world celebrating this holiday of Lord Shiva.

Emotional Intelligence is huge in India, with its fast-growing economy and stress-changes. We are bringing our EQ Alive! Program to New Delhi and Mumbai through local consultant firms. Be the first to sign up. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and get the winning edge.

How to Make Your Relationship Work

WITH EQ IT ISN'T SO MUCH OF A CARNIVAL RIDE

We recommend "Mars and Venus, Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One," by John Gray, Ph.D.


TOP TEN LIST OF WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO IN RELATIONSHIPS
from guest writer, Kim Olver

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a
relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.

MEN

DO

1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
2. Trust and respect her.
3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5. Continue your courtship even after she's committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn't care if you call her at work to say, "I love you" or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8. Encourage her goals and direction.
9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10. Say, "I'm sorry" when you've done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

DON'T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3. Pretend to listen to her when you really aren't.
4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you aren't angry with your partner and that you'll be back.
5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7. Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in Absolutes, such as "You NEVER listen to me;" when what she really means is that you aren't listening to her at that time.
8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9. Violate her privacy.
10. Forget special occasions.

Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women's List follows:

WOMEN

DO

1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2. Trust and respect him.
3. Stop nagging.
4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6. Make love creatively and often. Don't be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8. Support his goals and direction.
9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can't read your mind.)
10. Accept his "No" gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

DON'T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need.
3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4. Continue to "give" in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment.
5. Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does.
6. Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for "bad" behavior.
8. Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking.
9. Violate his privacy.
10. Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don't become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many
regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

About The Author: Kim Olver has a degree in counseling, is a certified and licensed counselor. She is a certified reality therapy instructor. Kim is an expert in relationship, parenting and personal empowerment, working with individuals who want to gain more effective control of their lives and relationships.
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What is Emotional Intelligence?

THE SECRET TO GOOD HEALTH

This is a definition of Emotional Intelligence from the final exam of a coach that I am certifying, and she is going to get a great big A+.

Emotional Intelligence means being able to separate the emotional factors from the rational factors and use both to your advantage. It’s about separating out facts from opinions, and being able to ground yourself in what is actually happening instead of what you think is happening. It’s being able to respond, not react, to situations based on what behavior you choose, not what your emotions choose for you.

It also covers being able to recognize and understand emotions in others through empathy, and therefore increase your ability to get along with other people. The study of EQ, and its practical applications help to create a meaningful place for emotions. It helps people manage emotions, motivate themselves, handle conflicts. It helps people get what they want, by allowing them to manage not only the intellectual side of their nature but the emotional component as well.

Feeling great? Good. Keep it up! Two of the strategies for avoiding Adrenal Fatigue (can lead to depression, arthritis, loss of health muscle tissue, incomnia, hair loss, acne, fibromyalgia, and more) are (1) to be able to manage your emotions, and (2) to take an Essential Fatty Acid Supplement.

For you? Why not take the EQ Alive! course and get ahead of the game, and supplement with Arbonne's Fatty Acid Supplement. Get started now. Add the Defense Builder. Why? Emotions effects our immune system, and our immune system is our health. Manage them from your head with the EQ Alive! course, and nutritionally with Defense Builder, technologically advanced formula scientifically proven to support your immune system nutritionally.

CONGRATULATIONS! You know how to stay healthy!

A Daily Dose of Kindness

A DAILY DOSE OF KINDNESS -- IT'S SO EQ!
This is something I thought you might like to know about. What a great idea!
__________________________________________________________________________________
Shortly after my wife's tragic death, I started two organizations in her memory, called "A Tradition Of Kindness" and "Partners In Kindness." We encourage people around the world to do an act of kindness each day.

Our first project is called A Daily Dose of Kindness. Each day people report acts of kindness to us and we report anonymously to the list what people have done. These stories give you ideas and the urge to act yourself. It is pretty contagious. Hundreds of new subscribers are joining every week.

Just send us your story about an act of kindness that you have done that you would like to share with others. It does not matter if it is something big or very small. Stories will be distributed to this list anonymously to protect everyone's privacy.

We also feature job postings. So far, the postings have been for jobs in the United States, Israel, and the Former Soviet Union.

Please pass the emails along to any of your friends and family who may also be interested!

Visit our websites:

http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org (Jewish)
In place of fear we must feel pride. In place of desperation we must show concern for our fellow Jews. One of the fundamental principles of Judaism is kindness; we need to teach this to our people and to the world.
Subscribe to our free "Daily Dose of Kindness" daily e-mail and our Job Postings e-mail for jobs in the US and around the world.

http://www.PartnersInKindness.org (Non-Sectarian)
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement.
Subscribe to our free "Kind Words" weekly e-mail featuring stories and kindness techniques from Zelig Pliskin. Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.

The archive for A Daily Dose of Kindness e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aDailyDose

Partners in Kindness and A Tradition of Kindness are dedicated in memory of my late wife, Shoshana (Hayman) Greenbaum z"l. Shoshana was murdered by a suicide bomber. She was one of over 100 victims that were killed or injured at 2:00 P.M. on August 9, 2001 at the Sbarro restaurant in Jerusalem. Shoshana had the rare ability to serve as a role model for kindness and Godliness to thousands of people.

For more information contact Shmuel Greenbaum
Info@TraditionOfKindness.Org

All the best B"SD,
Shmuel Greenbaum
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Are you suffering from Adrenal Fatigue? When you're in a constant stress mode, you can deplete your adrenal glands which can cause all sorts of problems. Some of the symptoms are hair loss, acne, fibromyalgia, depression, aches and pains, chronic fatigue and a host of other things you don't need. The cortisol your body pumps out continually destroys heathy muscle, raises your blood pressure, take its toll on your body.

There are two recommendations -- one is working on the emotional aspects. Our EQ Alive! program can help you learn to manage and understand your emotions better. You will learn simply techniques for mastering the competencies that make up Emotional Intelligence.


Another recommendation is Arbonne's NutriMinC Essential Fatty Acid Dietary Supplement with vitamins A, C and E, flaxseed oil, alpha lipoic acid, and coenzyme C210. Essential fatty acid supplements are thought to help with adrenal fatigue. Click HERE to shop safely with me online at MyArbonne.

(Of course see your personal healthcare professional for medical advice.)

Do You Have Adrenal Fatigue?

DO YOU HAVE ADRENAL FATIGUE?

It can present itself as depression, aching and fatigue, burn out, fibromyalgia, auto-immune deficiencies, low sex drive, insomnia, hair loss, and a host of other things that make life a struggle every day. Adrenal fatigue will ultimately compromise your immune system, which is your health.

I remember first hearing about it nearly 20 years ago at a time when a series of external events had me running on fumes … which is a good way to put it.

Our adrenal glands manufacture cortisol and adrenalin, things I’m sure you’re heard about, and associate, correctly, with the fight or flight response.

“I was running on adrenalin” you might say after giving a presentation, or simply on an ordinary day that began with a kid that would’t get dressed for school, running late on a jammed freeway, facing an angry boss … You go into “overdrive,” and stay there, and this makes you over-react to things and also cause more trouble for yourself as you elicit stressed reactions from others.

In fact, I’m sure you know people who are “addicted to adrenalin,” those hard-driving Type A personalities who are always flaming and have a big ring of sweat under their arms. Or the new Type D, the ones who’ve gone through it and are cynical, bitter and depressed. Depression, after all, has been called “anger without enthusiasm.”

It’s your body moving into basic survival mode, instantly increasing your heart rate and blood pressure, going after stored energy resources, pumping out chemicals, and making you very, very “alert.”

All well and good if there’s a gun at your head and you need to go from zero to bazillion in one second, but for day-to-day living, it’s monstrously hard on your body, and takes it toll. How so?

Well, as we learn in studying emotional intelligence, our reptilian brain – the one with the basic instincts for survival has the strongest impact on us, and it doesn’t really think. It’s not good at rating “crises” on a scale of 1-10. It also confuses a thought or memory with “now”. You can raise your blood pressure telling an old war story, right? Or listening to someone else’s. Furthermore, and this is why EQ is so important, we all have different “set points.” Some of us are more innately reactive to stressors than others. You know if you have kids – with one you might have to raise your voice and really make your point. With the other, just a look will do.

Our lives are full of stressors. Then we eat poorly, the best of our food isn’t that nutritious any more, and we can get hooked on the temporary “highs” of carbs and caffeine. So there you are – under-nourished, over-worked, unable to manage your emotions which take an added toll on your immune system, bombarded with environmental toxins, and locked into a nasty feedback loop.

You get stressed, you react and do all the things that make it worse, you pump out more cortisol, which if kept at high levels destroys muscle and bone, slows down healing, impairs digestion, over-rides other important functions and biochemicals you could use for your health, impairs your thinking, and eventually the exhausted adrenals fail to produce sufficient DHEA and brings on a host of side-effects such as those listed above and may be a contributing factor to chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis, premature menopause, and more.

If you’ve ever wondered why everyone’s on Prozac these days, well depression too.
What I started doing was studying nutrition, researching high-quality nutritional supplements (essential fatty acids from fish oil seem to be key as well as a general immune booster such as Arbonne’s DefenseBuilder), limiting toxins (did you know what you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream and you might take a look at those drugstore cosmetics you apply so lavishly) and studying emotional intelligence.

Eventually I went on to become a coach in these areas so I could help others. After all, if you can control the emotional reaction that triggers the cortisol, well, there you have it, though you will have to attend to the damage already done, thus the nutriceuticals. Sleep and non-addictive exercise too, but most people with adrenal fatigue don’t sleep well.

Many of the tenets of Emotional Intelligence are similar to those used by Buddhist monks, and we know what they’ve been able to achieve in terms of changing brain waves, etc. They would call it “avoiding suffering,” and that’s a good description of adrenal fatigue: suffering.

According to Marcy Holmes, Women’s Health NP who writes for womentowomen says: “It’s important to emphasize the role of emotional factors. Guilt, pain from the past hurts, self-destructive habits, unresolved relationship problems – your past and present emotional experience may serve as an ever-present stressor.” This is the typical medical model of pathology, like therapy -- going back in the past. Coaching and Emotional Intelligence are dealing with the now and the future and not just talking, but simple strategies that really work.

A certain percentage of people do need the dredging work of therapy but many more just need to know how to get a new emotional lifestyle, and that’s what EQ is all about. For instance we know that talking about anger is not a solution; it generates more anger. It’s learning how to deal with the anger in the first place, because anger kills, and that's EQ. Our emotions effect our immune system, and our immune system if our health.

If you have serious health problems, of course, consult your personal healthcare professional who is the only person you should get medical advice from.

Musical is exellent too - check out Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music.

LEARN A NEW EMOTIONAL LIFESTYLE WITH THE EQ ALIVE! PROGRAM, INTERNET COURSES AND EBOOKS ON THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE THAT REALLY MATTERS. Become a certified EQ & Wellness Coach and Arbonne consultant and deliver what your clients really need. Email for information, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Check out the pure, non-toxic nutriceuticals and cosmetics at MyArbonne and shop safely with me online. We recommend DefenseBuilder, scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system, and the essential oils supplement.

Camille Pin Wins the Bangalore Open with EQ

HOW DO YOU HANDLE STRESS? Is it keeping you from winning your game? Take the EQ-Map now online, then call me for coaching. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc , 210-496-0678.


From Bangalore and HINDU, online edition of India's National Newspaper, Thursday February 16, 2006 --

Camille Pin is blessed with a bigger tennis brain than a game. She got on Sania Mirza's nerves in the second set with a combination of patience and smart lobbing to send the top seed out of the Bangalore Open 1-6, 7-5, 6-2, at the ...

The connection with EQ and sports has been know for so long, it's a no-brainer why it works with your "game" at the office.

SHOCKING (says the HINDU): "After winning the first set, Sania Mirza lost her cool and went down to Camille Pin in the WTA Bangalore Open."

You know how we say "try something different"?

"It takes practice to learn to play against such players. Her shots had no pace, and when you have so much time to hit, it's more difficult. I guess I have to learn to adapt," said Sania.

Said the delighted Pin: "She's good at offence, I'm good at defence. The shots that I hit are not my natural style of playing, but I had to do something different after the first set. I also cut down on my mistakes, because I don't hit that many winners."

TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. How about a new emotional lifestyle. Take the EQ Alive! Program and get the winning edge. Perfect for individuals and businesses alike.

Email for info - sdunn@susandunn.cc
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Getting the ZZZZZZZZZZs

GETTING THE ZZZZZZZZZZs IS EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT

"Sleep Deprivation And Weight Gain," by Liz Wiseman, Trim You

Did you know that lack of sleep can cause weight gain? Neither did I. I wish I had found this out a bit sooner, like before I got fat, or at least before I started my current weight loss program. In fact I thought it might be slimming to stay up late -- after all you are using more calories when you up and about than when you are lying slumbering in bed aren't you? But recent studies indicate that lack of sleep can indeed add to your fat stores.

So how on earth can sleeplessness cause weight gain? Eve Van Cauter, director of the Sleep Research Laboratory at the University of Chicago School of Medicine, and the lead investigator on one of the new studies says that sleep deprivation activates a small part of the hypothalamus, the region of the brain that also is involved in appetite regulation.

The hormones leptin and ghrelin regulate appetite and work rather like a seesaw. Leptin at one end and ghrelin at the other. When leptin is up and ghrelin is down we feel full, and vice versa.

In a long term epidemiological study researchers at the University of Wisconsin and Stanford University tracked 1,024 people ages 30 to 60. The subjects had sleep and blood tests every four years and kept a record of their sleeping habits. It was found that those who regularly slept for 5 hours a night had
higher ghrelin and lower leptin levels and a higher BMI.

Other recent studies show the same connection, including one from Columbia University in New York. They studied data on over 6000 people to compare sleep patterns and obesity. They found that those who slept two to four hours a night were 73% more likely to be obese than those who slept 7 to 9 hours a night. Those who slept five to seven hours were 50% more likely to be obese, and those who slept six hours were 23% more likely to be obese. In contrast those who got 10 or more hours of sleep were 11% less likely to be obese.

It seems that sleep deprived people feel hungrier (leptin is low) and because they are awake for longer they have more time to eat. Not only that but sleep deprived people are stressed and need a pick me up. Their pick me up of choice is- yes high calorie fatty or sugary snacks-real comfort foods. To add to all this night owls are not spending their extra hours on the treadmill. No, they are sitting around watching TV or reading.

More studies are now being conducted to discover whether an increase in sleep time would help people to lose weight.

In the meantime I'm off to bed!
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Liz Wiseman is a writer and webmaster of "Trim You" a site that provides free reviews of weight loss programs, as well as articles and information about losing weight. You can find further news about losing weight at http://www.trim-you.com

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LOVE YOURSELF FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

Remember - I give phone sessions. Email me to schedule, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Our guest writer is talking about self-esteem, but 'tis the same.

We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

. You make a lot of money?

. You achieve a high position in your work?

. You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

. You are famous?

. You find the right relationship?

. You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself:

. How you see yourself

. How you treat yourself

Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had.

As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him.
And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him - ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval That he didn't receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent.

Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is
because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. "How could I have made that stupid remark!" "How could I have acted so stupid?" Mirroring her mother's own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie,
she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.

It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly - by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself - you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low
self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are - a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love - then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include:

. Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations.

. Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.

. Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.

. Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment.

. Attending to - rather than ignoring - your own feelings and
needs.

. Taking the time to pray and meditate.

. Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts.

When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.


About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
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Year of the Dog Babies

GUNG HEY FAT CHOY baby!

Babies born in the Year of the Dog are lucky ones. Baby Fabian (left) was born at the stroke of midnight for the Chinese New Year, the first 2006 baby born in Singapore. It is considered lucky to be born in the Year of the Dog.

What are the characteristics of people born in the Year of the Dog?

They are loyal, faithful and honest, have good ethics, and are trustworthy but don't trust others easily.

The Dog makes a wonderful, discrete and loyal friend and is an excellent listener. Dogs can also be rather dogmatic. They really don't go in for chitchat.

Dogs can also be very temperamental. They have mood swings and need time alone to readjust.

Happy New Year, little dog babies. I hope your Mommie chooses Arbonne products because what goes on your skin winds up in your bloodstream and we want it pure for you!

Lots of mommies like these products for themselves, too.

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Emotional Intelligence Program for Your Workplace?

BEEN THINKING ABOUT AN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE PROGRAM FOR YOUR OFFICE?

You’d have to be living under a rock not to have heard of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). More and more businesses are recognizing the need for an EQ culture. Businesses have used it to ease the strain of diversity, multicultural and global offices; to decrease negative friction in the information age where sharing is crucial; to maneuver the landmines of EEOC and ADEA rulings; to address the tremendous human and financial costs to employers of stressed employees in time off, illness, low productivity, and acts of irrational violence – verbal or physical; to hire better workers and retain them; and to increase profitability.

At the profit level, employers know their success depends upon having the best employee – knowing how to hire them and keep them – and getting the best out of them.

At the personal level, we’d all prefer a congenial working atmosphere, and wellness in ourselves and others.

If you’ve been considering bringing EQ to your office here are some things to consider:

1. Emotional Intelligence can be defined by its results. After such a program, your employees should have more self-awareness and awareness of others in the emotional range, be able to language problems and issues in a more constructive way, be able to generate options, feel less stress, and be more confident in the hardest area in the workplace – interpersonal relationships. Studies show that most firings are the cause of “personality conflicts” and this where EQ comes in.

2. Participants, however, have described it to me as “the missing piece,” “what I needed that nobody could ever teach me,” “an owner’s guide to excellence,” and “something that brought good changes immediately.”

3. If you consider the results “intangible,” consider this comment by a manager who was coached in EQ (the EQ Alive! Program): “It really heightened my awareness. I’m very sharp now about what’s going on around me with people, more attuned with feelings, can spot from a distance when something is going on with someone.”

4. Think it’s only for the young, the new, and the lower ranks? The above participant has been a manager for 20 years.

5. The program must include theory (because it has to do with neuroscience – how the brain works, the emotions) and applications. The best program will leave participants with the ability to apply EQ to the wide range of unpredictable situations that occur in any workplace. Be sure the EQ is taught at the “meta” level.

6. Participants should be pre- and post-tested with an emotional intelligence assessment such as The EQ-Map.

7. The program should be comprehensive – assessment, a theoretical course, weekly ezine, group work, and individual coaching on competencies.

8. A 3 or 8-hour “workshop” can generate interest, but it is not sufficient to teach the theory, skills and applications. Don’t be fooled that an 8-hour workshop can “teach” emotional intelligence.

9. EQ can address two of the most insidious emotions hampering productivity in your office – fear and anger. Both shut down the thinking processes, the thing you need the most in your workplace. “Old style” management training included tactics which directly elicit these two detrimental emotions. Here is a comment from someone who has been a chief psychiatric nurse for decades: “It really opened me up to things not well known in the nursing sector. It showed me how people tick. Has taken me up a notch. I’m getting over fears. I changed my leadership and this changes all those I lead.”

10. Time frame? Most participants report immediate changes for the better in their lives, which is highly motivational. Sustained changes require breaking old habits and learning new ones, practicing the competencies over time. Three months is a fair estimate.

11. This is not book learning or “self help.” EQ involves limbic (brain) learning. The skills must be put into practice with expert feedback. Coaching with a certified EQ coach is optimal because of the one-on-one.

12. The instructor must be able to operationalize complex concepts. Choose someone who can explain to you what emotional intelligence is in plain English. If you hear jargon, it means they’ve memorized something they don’t really understand.

13. Intentionally accept a program for your business that doesn’t use your own particular language. EQ is about behavioral changes (for the better) and language is a behavior. Certain phrases are an important part of the short-hand and camaraderie of an office, business, or field, but they cause barriers – barriers between people, and barriers to learning new things. Jargon is particularly limiting with some of the most important people in your office – new people, global offices or branches, diversity groups, and – this is very important – the most intelligent workers, the ones with the highest IQs.

14. If you’re the leader, participate yourself. I was making a sales call on a company the other day and was told, “Our CEOs would never take this. There’s a group of women managers in the marketing department, however, who…” This is Neanderthal. EQ is not “for women” and if you think it is, you need to get into the 21st century. Men are every bit as “emotional” as women, and suffer just as big a consequences from its mismanagement.

As a corollary to the last point, “emotions in the workplace” does not mean what to do about the woman who cries when under pressure and runs to the restroom.

It’s about what to do with the CEO or manager who can’t control his anger and demeans and harasses employees, leaving you increasingly at risk legally.

It’s about the department head whose intimidation produces exactly the opposite effect he intends, and is “clueless” about this.

It’s about your biggest dilemma – the top salesperson or rainmaker whose EQ is so low no one wants to work with her, good new people leave, and you see the future of your organization going down the tubes.

It’s about a department demoralized by a previous low EQ manager that’s running on something you can’t define, so can’t address, but it’s draining your profits.

It’s about bullying and mobbing (already illegal in some countries), which, once started is nearly impossible to contain, and which is usually directed at the best and hardest workers. It is sometimes unrecognized by leaders, condoned by them, or even ordered by them. The manager who can’t identify it immediately is at-risk, and it takes keen intuition (an EQ competency) to see beyond the “smoke screen” as to where the problem really lies.

EQ is particularly important for men because of the health problems around anger. The biggest selling point for EQ is, in fact, wellness. Our emotions directly effect our immune system, which is our health. (5 minutes of anger can suppress your immune system for hours.)

All these are compelling reasons why EQ is about profit. EQ addresses the spaces between the lines of the flow chart and spreadsheets, the policies manual, and the anti-discrimination poster, all of which are in place, and none of which is producing the results you want. It will bring clarity to the parts of your operation that are shadowy and difficult to define, such as the genius in the IT department who has all the credentials but isn’t producing, why a certain department is always a thorn in your side, and what to do about that manager you keep sending to training seminars and nothing happens.

EQ can also decrease your vulnerability. A study showed that doctors make mistakes, but the ones that get sued are the ones considered arrogant or abrasive.

IQ, training and credentials are not enough or else that young man over there in the sales department with the IQ of 150 would be a leading producer, and instead, he’s not only barely making quota, his arrogance and perfectionism are wreaking havoc with the rest of the department. What happened to your rising star? He’s got it all, if only … ?

EQ is often what separates the winners from the losers and what allows people to achieve their potential. Wouldn’t it pay to learn more about it?

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. Offering a wide range of EQ programs, Internet courses and ebooks for individuals and businesses, tailored to your needs. EQ Alive! program – training and certifying EQ coaches internationally. Find out why EQ is a global phenomenon and what it can do for you and your business. It can give your organization the leading edge. Available on-site and long distance.

Single, Female, Over-50, Looking for Love?

DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN OVER 50“A Pep Talk for Single Women Over 50 Who are Looking,”
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

There are 97 million Americans over the age of 45, and of those, 40%, or 36.2 million, are single. If you’re over 50 and looking, I have some good news. Like a good coach, I’m going to pump you up!

The ratio of females to males increases with each decade, but does it really matter? No, for two reasons. First, all it takes is one, and a 100% hit is a 100% hit. Secondly, think back to when you were dating in college. How many of those boys would you consider potential for dating? If you’re like me, not one in 50. If you’re dating just to date a warm body, that’s no problem. For serious dating, I’ve always been discriminating, haven’t you? It’s always been “hard” to find the right material, so it’s the same game, just played on a new field.

Emotional intelligence generally increases with age; this is about “life skills.” Older people are better at dating, as they are at just about everything except a few non-consequential motor skills. From experience, maturity, and common sense, sometimes innate, sometimes acquired through the School of Hard Knocks, we interpret reality quickly and correctly. We know how to look in the horse’s mouth.

Likewise, we can maneuver in the social world. We don’t fumble for topics of conversation, faint at the thought of a formal dinner, wonder how to behave at an opera, or think planning a vacation is “hard.” We don’t fall apart when our hose run, and we operate from a deeply centered standpoint, not chasing about the fickle and changing opinions of others. We answer to ourselves. We have lifeskills, aplomb, sophistication, and experience!

We aren’t run by hormones, which is how many mistakes are made, and the good news, the guys aren’t either. According to Trish McDermott, at Match.com, the largest dating site, “The one thing that our research continually shows is that the older a person gets, the more he or she becomes a practical dater, as opposed to being emotionally driven.” This gives both sexes a better chance at a wise choice.

Men in our age range have had a chance to learn what matters, and what makes or breaks a marriage. As one of my clients says, their former wife has trained them in some important areas, as has life, and in some cases, divorce; or they have used poor judgment, married someone unsuitable, and learned the hard way. There’s nothing like being able to eliminate immediately things, people and relationships that don’t work for you and when men can do this, it saves us all time.

Men have explored the sex thing ad nauseum and tend to focus on the bigger picture. One of my male clients told me recently, about a woman he’d been dating, “We’d only get along in bed, where it’s fantastic, but we’d be fighting the rest of the time.” He decided to pass on that one.

Men like to date younger women, but the smart ones, only once or twice. After that, they learn. The odds of a marriage working where the man is 10 or more years older are small, and remember the “practical” thing. We’re all too smart after a certain age to play with a deck stacked against us.

Corollary: there’s a growing interest in men for dating older women. Why? Hey, this is an article for women over 50 and we KNOW why. The hysteria and attitude of women in their 20s and 30s is not appealing. If not fighting outside the bed, it’s banality, histrionics, and the fantasies of the naïve and uninformed.

We don’t ask “Does this make my butt look fat?” or any other fatuous, passive-aggressive, whiny, dependent, obsessed, annoying questions. We’re more likely to ask where the Dow Jones is, or “How do you think Prescott should respond to the allegations of bullying in his office?”

We don’t wake him up in the middle of the night before his big sales meeting, sniveling, “Would you marry someone else if I died?”

Ask any man over the age of 40, and he’ll say he wants “a companion.” For a marriage partner, according to the AARP, people over 50 say “personality” matters the most. Marriage ends up being that 6-hour drive to the kids’ house, and he doesn’t want to listen to a ninny talking about the latest sale at the Gap or what a horrible boss she has, or how unfair her life is. It’s also about the logistics of a well-run life, and he doesn’t want someone who sits on the floor and sobs when the washing machine overflows.

We can handle our emotions. We enjoy them, but aren’t driven by them. We can also modulate them. And we are capable of silence for extended periods of time. We are also unlikely to do the thing men dread them most: make them the sole determination of our happiness. (You will see this repeatedly on Internet profiles.)

Now here are some of the latest stats from the AARP. Nearly half the people 40-69 didn’t have a first-date last year. Statistically, of people in their 50s, 15.4% are divorced, 6.25 have never been married, and 4.4% are widowed. This matters because men who remain embittered and terrified of involvement after a divorce, aren’t datable and should be required to wear warning signs of their backs.

Should this discourage you? No. If you’re a winner, if you have your act together, if you aren’t dragging the past around on your own back, there is someone out there looking for you just as hard as you are for them.
Where to look? Start with places you normally go (opera, theater, museums, SCUBA, hiking) just amp it up. Churches with large memberships are also a good choice. Just be awake when you’re there. Internet dating sites also score high. About half the people over 55 believe it’s possible to meet via the internet and fall I love. It happened to me. I know it’s possible. Match.com has 1.5 million members over the age of 50, the fastest-growing group, with a 65% increase last year.
There are sites that sort by any variable you could care about – religion, age, interests, location. Of special interest is http://www.rightstuffdating.com/v_schools.cfm for those who went to pretigious schools. My alma mater made the cut, maybe yours did too.
Good marriages are between equals. Except in fairytales, successful marriage are between people with similar backgrounds and histories. This means, if you aren’t where you want to be, get busy. Get some coaching, get back in shape and have a makeover, take a good nutraceutical and supplement, and enrich the biggest sex organ – your brain. When you fall in love with learning, you never have a broken heart. You also make your heart and mind a lot more attractive to other people.
Dating over 50 is a competitive game. It requires fitness, skills, and a good coach. Even Tyger Woods can improve his swing with the right coach. Your coach can give you a game plan, workable rules, shorten your learning curve, improve your skills, give perspective and increase your stamina and resilience.
When you’ve heard as many stories as I have, you can see the trends and the ins and outs; also the successes. There truly is a lid for every pot. I could mention movies or books, but I’ll go back to the oldest form of enjoyment, opera. It’s been around hundreds of years, for a reason. Go see Mozart’s “Die Zauberflote,” (The Magic Flute). For every Papageno there’s a Papagena, for every Tamino, a Pamina. It is so sweet the way that works. It’s a game you can win, with a good coach.
So, have good cheer, and good luck!

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan offers coaching, Internet courses, a blog for singles, ezines, Arbonne nutraceuticals and safe cosmetics, and ebooks for your relationship and professional success. She trains and certifies Wellness and EQ coaches all over the world, and is the founder of Club Vivo Per Lei/I Live for Music. She is the author of “Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women” and The Rules, a simple and effective system for intelligent midlife dating.
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Romance and Happy Marriage Myths

ROMANCE AND HAPPY MARRIAGE MYTHS

This is such a nice little article. What goes around comes around!
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The institution of marriage is surrounded by a number of myths,stories and advice freely offered by people on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, many people listen to and believe these pieces of so-called wisdom to the point where it doesn't help their marriage and it only hinders its growth.

Many of the myths regarding relationships are incredibly damaging and it is unfortunate that they are such common beliefs. Once you understand why certain bits of advice or information can be regarded as myths, you can break through what could be blocking the growth of your marriage.

In fact, you may actually learn to appreciate your spouse and your role in your marriage even more.

Sensationalist television, magazines and talk radio have been key players when it comes to fueling any belief that there is a battle between the sexes happening.

While there are definitively some physical and psychological differences, they are not enough to earn the term 'battle' as a description.

When you allow yourself to consider any kind of battle between the sexes, you risk grouping all men or all women into a certain category and that leads to Stereotyping.

Once you recognize that your partner is a unique individual with a number of positive attributes, you can shed the thought that there should be any type of conflict between the two of you.

Any thought of battle or conflict only leads to lack of communication, misunderstandings and discourages growth in any relationship.

Nice guys finish last is one of the worst possible sayings floating around today.

Whoever thought of that and actually uttered those words must have been feeling truly low and full of self-pity because there simply cannot be any other explanation. Nice guys never finish last.

They may have a longer and harder road sometimes, but it isn't often that you see the bullies and jerks finishing first. If they aren't, who is? It's the nice guys, but they are so nice and gracious you don't hear them bragging about it.

It is also important to note that the word 'nice' doesn't mean 'weak' or ' effeminate' in any way. Nice means socially or conventionally correct; refined or virtuous and not at all negative in any way.

Nice is not another word for push over or spineless. Nice is as close to a 'perfect' man as you can come and they always end up first in line.

Romance is all you need in order to save your relationship is a wonderfully optimistic thought, but not quite accurate.

If simple romance were enough to save a marriage, it would be running wonderfully rampant throughout the world today. Unfortunately, it takes more than simple romance.

If you truly feel love for your spouse and you are expressing it through romance, then it will save your marriage. If you are trying to use romance to buy some time or to placate your spouse, then you are only buying time or placating your spouse.

Your time as a married couple is most likely limited and should be attended to immediately by a professional.

About The Author: How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit:
marriage-problems.
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"What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream."

What can you do to enhance your marriage and your life? Look better and feel better with emotional intelligence and ARBONNE products. They have pure, natural ingredients. Nutraceuticals, cosmetics, anti-aging skincare, sunscreen, baby products (NO mineral oil), weight loss (NO ephedra)and more. Learn more about EQ here.

Trying to "fix" your partner, and staying in conflict rather than being good to yourself -- are the keys to good conflict resolution. Read more ...

Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to "work out problems." Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don't see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard
they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person's eyes. What often happens when they "communicate" is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or her way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This often leads to more conflict and frustration.

While I am not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I am offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking loving action in your own behalf.

This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than talk. Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a world of difference in your relationship.

LOVING ACTIONS

1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner.

Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy between you, even without words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad
or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you will not be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!

2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner.

Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking away from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you look back, you will see that no one wins when
both people are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away, walk away with love and compassion - intent on taking loving care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.

3. Choose to accept that you have no control over your partner's feelings and behavior, but that you have total control over your own actions.

It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to change your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.

4. Choose to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other person's choices.

You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner's choices. However, when you accept your partner for who he or she is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your
way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, "What is the loving action toward myself right now?" will lead to ideas of how to take loving care of your self. Asking, "If I were an enlightened being, how would I
be acting right now?" will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.

Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example, if you are tired of often being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take
your own car each time your partner is not ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her. It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self.

Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking loving action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution without words.


About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.

Does Your Heart Sense Your Emotions?

The research is coming out that it does ... it almost seems like one of those things where money is being spent to research something we intuitively know. That's why in every culture and every language, we say things like this:

1. She broke my heart.
2. He's going to give me a heart attack.
3. You've touched my heart.
4. My heart goes out to you.
5. I'm waiting for my heart to heal.
6. He tore out my heart, threw it on the ground and stomped on it.
7. She made my heart skip a beat.
8. He's closed his heart.

We know the vulnerability of men and heart attacks. Go over the above list, which I tried to make uni-sex, and think of whom you have heard say these things. How often have you heard a woman say, "He's going to give me a heart attack." Men might say it's because behaves a certain way, but an EQ specialist would look at the EQ skills of someone who makes such a statement.

We also know people who literally died of loneliness or a broken heart. Someone whose heart was broken by circumstances or another person who became bitter and ill-health followed, sometimes preceded by a stage of addiction to alcohol or drugs. A parent who's child died and they got cancer within a year. The Holmes and Rahe scale predicts "major illness" after the stressors add up to a certain mathematical figure.

All these are references to emotions. We know that emotions effect us physiologically. There's a good bit of medical research on anger and health, particularly regarding men and heart attacks. There are also books like "The Pleasure Prescription", by Paul Pearsall, who's got a Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology. We know that emotions effect the health globally, because they effect the immune system.

For more interesting reading about this connection, see my website.

For instance, another interesting body-connection is the "gut" and the vagus nerve. This is why when we take a mood regulator or anti-depressant there are side effects like diarrhea or constipation. This is why we "get a knot in our stomach," or say "He turns my stomach" or "I could tell he was lying in my gut," and "that was a gut-wrenching experience." (There's a connection here with intuition and "gut feeling.") In addition, we get diarrhea before a big tennis match or public presentation, or become constipated when we are furious, bitter, of "shut down" and why diseases like ulcerative colitis and Chrohn's disease have a psychological factor in them.

There's a classic called "Anger Kills" which explores some of these connections more fully. Duke University Medical School (where Williams, the author, works) has done a lot of studies on heart attack patients, and now put them in support groups to learn about their emotions and management. They tell them when they feel an anger trigger - we learn about these and other things in the EQ Alive! Program - to ask themselves "Is it worth having a heart attack over?" Good question, yes?

We are able to manage anger better though, than grief, sorrow and disappoinemtn. There are lots of Anger Management courses. It's relatively easy to teach - and to learn, if the person has enough motivation, which many do, when it's court-ordered. I would like to see court-ordered Emotional Intelligence courses and am working on that.

One of the most important connections is what stress (rough emotions) do to our immune system. You probably know someone who suffered a tragedy (or several small adverse events), who then got cancer, or pneumonia, or had a heart attack and/or suffered an episode of major depression or other mental illness. Our immune system is out first line of defense against bacteria (which can be treated with antibiotics), and -- importantly -- our ONLY defense against viruses, for which there is no treatment. We either fight them off on our own, or we don't.

The more you learn about emotional intelligence, the more aware you are, and the more able to manage around emotions.

It should be noted that (see the Holmes and Rahe stress scale) moving out of the modulated state is stressful -- moving out either way - extremes are stressful. This is why people die when they receive news they've won the lottery OR that their spouse has died. There was an interesting article released not long ago in a medical journal about people who showed up in the ER with no heart disease who were having heart attack like symptoms following a very bad or very good event (for one woman it was a surprise party). Doctors have given it a name, and are beginning to deal with it. (Email me for the white paper if you'd like to learn more.)

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You've Been Working Waaaay too hard

...maybe it's about time you caught up ...

Even easier ... FORGET subliminal tapes and CDs. Click HERE for subliminal software!
NEW subliminal software unveiled: learn how to influence your mind, while you work!


BOOST YOUR LIFE WITH SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES -- FOR FREE!
© Bradley Thompson, 2006

The U.S. Government banned them on TV and radio in 1974. They were once famously used to boost sales of popcorn by almost 60%. And today, they’re the subject of numerous Derren Brown-style “mind” shows airing throughout the globe.

I’m talking, of course, about subliminal messages.

However despite all the media hype, subliminal messages aren’t just used by advertising moguls trying to get us to buy another can of coke. They can also be employed to make serious and lasting change in our own lives.

In this short article, I’m going to share a method you can use to get subliminal messages working for you—starting tonight!

But before we begin, let’s ask ourselves: what exactly are subliminal messages?

Subliminal is defined as “below the threshold of consciousness”. Subliminal messaging refers to the act of sending messages direct to the powerful subconscious mind, the part of your brain that controls everything from memory to body temperature to providing your conscious mind with its core traits.

The most famous experiment in subliminal messaging history was conducted by pioneer Dr James Vicary, who flashed the words “I want popcorn” and “Drink more coke” in front of a movie audience for just 100-milliseconds. Nobody officially “saw” the messages—they were below the threshold of consciousness—yet popcorn sales shot up 57.8% and coke sales increased 18.1%.

The U.S. Government soon outlawed this powerful suggestion technique in advertising, yet its potential as a revolutionary self-help tool was soon realized. The power to send self-improvement commands direct to the subconscious mind was suddenly available to the masses.

But how? There are two primary ways you can actually “send” subliminal messages. Visually, such as with the popular Subliminal Power software tool. Or, less effectively, using sound, with the subliminal CDs you can buy from most bookstores.

Yet if your budget is low, there’s an even cheaper way to begin putting the power of subliminal messaging to work for you!

Here’s how. Begin by identifying a couple of core goals you’d like to concentrate on in your life right now. For example, you may wish to learn faster or quit smoking. Write that goal down as a simple, short, positive affirmation – such as “I am a quick learner” or “I am ready to quit smoking”.

Now write your affirmation, clearly and in thick black marker pen, onto a sheet of white cardboard. Create three-or-so cards, each with affirmations focusing on your core theme, and store them next to your bed with a flashlight.

Next comes the unsociable part!

We’re going to catch your mind in a highly receptive state, by waking it up in the middle of the night, when the door to your subconscious is wide open.

Set your alarm clock for 3am, then go to sleep as normal. As soon as you hear the ring, turn off the alarm and—almost instinctively—pick up the affirmation cards and your flashlight. The room should be pitch black.

Next, flick the flashlight on and off very quickly a dozen times over each affirmation card. While doing this, stare at the cards. Do not consciously try to make out the words. These subliminal messages are for the subconscious.

When you’re done, simply turn off the flashlight, put down the cards and return to sleep. It will take just two minutes of your time and I guarantee you’ll fall straight back into deep and restful slumber.

That’s it: you’ve just “sent” a bundle of subliminal messages straight to your subconscious. What follows is exciting!

After the first few nights of using this technique, most individuals report problem-solving dreams that assist in their goals or influence their decisions. Just a week later and practically all participants note a serious movement toward their core goal. Their leaning speed improves dramatically. Their nicotine addiction is cut in half. The change is happening... from within.

It’s a very simple system, yet remains highly powerful and terribly underused.

Strangely, most people reading this article won’t try this straightforward experiment. They don’t believe it. They think it won’t work.

Yet Tiger Woods, Steven Spielberg, even the U.S. Government all know the power behind subliminal messaging.

And if you don’t, maybe it’s about time you caught up.

Bradley Thompson is a well-known mind guru and commissioner of the critically-acclaimed Subliminal Power software available HERE.

Parenting with Emotional Intelligence

GIVE UP UNNECESSARY SUFFERING. Learn some emotional intelligence. With EQ coaching you can find your way out of the maze. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

"My Kids Should Always Obey Me," is the title of this article by Mark Brandenburg. It's about EQ, anger management.

"My kids should always obey me." It’s the perfect irrational statement for fathers to create more problems in their families.

For many men, this kind of thinking takes them further and further from their kids, and it creates a cycle of anger and frustration that’s hard to break. But those who’d like to learn to manage their anger can do so, especially if they follow these ten steps:

1. Take responsibility for your own anger

The only person in the world who causes you to get angry is you! Commit to stop blaming others for your angry outbursts and start devising strategies to have it improve.

2. Use calming statements to yourself

Saying things like, “take it easy,” or, “stay calm, it’s not about you,” can help men buy time and model self- control for their children. These need to be practiced consistently for them to be effective.

3. Leave the area immediately

You can’t say or do anything that you’d regret when you’re not there! Leaving the area as soon as you’re aware of your growing anger can allow you the time to respond to the situation, rather than reacting from knee-jerk emotions. It usually takes at least twenty minutes for most men to totally calm down after an emotionally upsetting event.

4. Become familiar with the warning signs of impending anger

Whether you experience racing thoughts, an accelerated heart rate, or sweaty palms, come to know the signs that you are about to explode. Stay aware of your body when an upsetting event is looming. This awareness will allow you to put your calming strategies into place. No awareness--no calmness.

5. Proclaim your commitment to fewer angry outbursts to someone in your family or to your whole family.

This will put some teeth into the commitment and force you to walk the talk. Now you have accountability built into your commitment. Your family will help you evolve into a calmer, gentler guy.

6. Explore your personal issues around anger

What are the particular issues that create such anger in you? What are your irrational thoughts? They can be things like, “I should be in control,” or, My kids should always obey me.” These thoughts are sure to cause anger problems! Learn alternatives to these thoughts, and prepare for situations which provoke irrational thoughts.

7. Count to Ten

This is what your grandparents may have done, but it is still an effective way to get past the worst of the anger and allow yourself to calm down a bit. This may also be done while leaving the area.

8. Do something to reduce stress every day

Whether it’s exercise, meditating, or reading, try to do at least one thing each day that allows you to feel more centered and relaxed. Most angry outbursts happen when we’re stressed out, and when we have other things on our mind. Create some kind of daily ritual that lets you clear away this excess baggage and allows you to enjoy your home life to the fullest.

9. Use deep breathing

When you feel the signs of anger coming your way, begin to breathe through your nostrils slowly and make sure your abdomen and stomach are expanding. When we get angry we tend to use shallow chest breathing. Using slow, controlled stomach breathing will allow you to avoid emotional reactions and respond in a more rational way. One of the advantages of deep breathing is that it can be used for a variety of situations.

10. Practice a smooth transition from work to home life

Many of our angry outbursts can be traced to excess stress from work. We sometimes bring this stress home with us and more easily become annoyed or angry. Use a calming technique of some sort on your drive home—a relaxing CD, or diaphragmatic breathing. This will get you out of work mode and into a more nurturing home mode, so you’re ready to be a part of the family again when you arrive.

Anger will happen in families. It will impact some more than others. Unfortunately, it impacts our children the most.

If you struggle with anger, show your family you care, and practice an anger plan.

Your training opportunities are happening every day.

email: mark@markbrandenburg.com, phone: 651-766-9976, web: http://www.markbrandenburg.com . Mark coaches in parenting, and other areas. Visit his website and learn more.
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