Saturday, August 30, 2008

Are You Harboring Resentment

Resentment comes from the repression of feelings,

not the expression of feelings.

- M.K. Downing, Phd, LMFT

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Thursday, August 28, 2008

When You Make a Mistake at Work

It's a fact of life that you'll make a mistake at your job from time to time. How you handle it is what makes a difference.

See When Admins Mess Up: Four Steps Toward Controlling the Damage
by John Rossheim Monster Senior Contributing Writer

When you make a mistake, says Rossheim, here's what matters:

  • How you react
  • What you do about it
  • How you reduce the chances of repeating the mistake
The article outlines a 4-step plan for remedial action. It begins with "calm yourself" -- yes, we're on to emotional intelligence immediately. The first step is managing your emotions, and it makes the other steps possible.

To increase your career and personal potential, take THE EQ COURSE, get EQ coaching. Your emotional intelligence matters.

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How Many Times Are You Going to Fall for That?

"If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that's a lot easier than continually getting hurt"
If only people had this skill.

The fascinating article entitled FRIEND OR FOE, CROWS NEVER FORGET A FACE, IT SEEMS from the NY Times, ends:

Dr. McGowan and Dr. Marzluff believe that this ability gives crows and their brethren an evolutionary edge. “If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that’s a lot easier than continually getting hurt,” Dr. Marzluff said.
“I think it allows these animals to survive with us — and take advantage of us —
in a much safer, more effective way.”
One of the emotional intelligence competencies is intuition or gut feeling. It is your surest guide to whom and what to trust. Take THE EQ COURSE and get the edge.

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Monday, August 25, 2008

Why Have a Life Coach?

What a Life Coach Does

"Dreams are astoundingly important. They keep nagging you because you're supposed to fulfill them. When you sense you're special, you're not neurotic or grandiose. Something inside you is calling to you and you have to listen. When you love to do something, that means you have a gift for it...And when you're gifted at something, you have to do it." - Barbara Sher

I trained and certified a coach last month who told me after the seminar, "This is my passion. This is what I always wanted to do. Thank you."
Life Coaching is all about finding with you what you were meant to do, and how to get to do it. That little something that keeps nagging at you is trying to tell you something.
When Enita called me, she told me that she sits at her desk all day billing patients for a doctor and hates it, and all she thinks about is writing. I encouraged her to listen to the 'dream'; that is was possible, and we would come up with a strategy.
Someone said, and I can't remember who, capacities clamor to be used. If you don't do what you're good at and love to do, you will be cheating yourself in the only life that you have.
Whether it's career or relationship goals you're dreaming of, let me help you get there from here. It's what I do. I'm a Life Coach.

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

A Code of Honor


Gene Autry's Code of Honor

  1. A cowboy never takes unfair advantage - even of an enemy.

  2. A cowboy never betrays a trust. He never goes back on his word.

  3. A cowboy always tells the truth.

  4. A cowboy is kind and gentle to small children, old folks, and animals.

  5. A cowboy is free from racial and religious intolerances.

  6. A cowboy is always helpful when someone is in trouble.

  7. A cowboy is always a good worker.

  8. A cowboy respects womanhood, his parents and his nation's laws.

  9. A cowboy is clean about his person in thought, word, and deed.

  10. A cowboy is a Patriot.


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1. Rank has its privileges.

"There is no way you can leapfrog, bypass, overrule, ignore, challenge, disobey, or criticize your boss and not get penalized in the game," writes Betty Lehan Harragan, author of "Games Mother Never Taught You".

You may disagree with your boss privately, correct some misconception, or even fill her in on some technical detail in your area of expertise. But not in public. No matter if the boss says something that's not accurate or even outright wrong. For your purposes, she is right. Absolutely, finally, and positively.

The EQ Coach: "The boss may not always be right, but he is always the boss."

2. Hard work is not enough.

Success isn't that simple anymore. Attitude, image, initiative, confidence -- a handful of intangibles -- plus how well you do your job are what give one person the winning edge over another.

The EQ Coach: Attitude, image, intiative and confidence all fall under the rubric of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. You didn't learn that in school, so get some EQ coaching and start learning it now.

3. You were hired not just to do the job but to make your boss look good.

Suppose you're the manager of the information-systems department and you devise a way to do an audit better, faster, easier. Your method will save time and money. Now, do you tout your fantastic solution, making sure everyone knows that your boss had nothing to do with it? Or do you bring your boss on board, ask for any suggestions to improve the program, and together sell the solution to the higher-ups?

Assuming your boss isn't a thief who wants to take credit for others' ideas and work, sharing the glory usually increases your own.

The EQ Coach: I sat at a board meeting one fine day when the finance chairman stood up and thanked the development officer (not the director of the agency, who was chairing the meeting, of course) for "saving" the agency. She was asked to leave 2 months later.

4. You have to be a team player.

One day, you've got the ball; another day, someone else is running with it. If you can't or won't help others achieve their objectives, your colleagues won't be there for you either. It's not just higher-ups who can sabotage you: Your peers can make or break your projects.

The EQ Coach: In every office, with every person, there will come a time when you need 'help' from someone else. "Pay it forward."

5. Thick skins protect soft souls.

You can expect that every driving, successful boss will have times when his patience is thin. So let the fast and furious comments roll off your back. Remind yourself that everybody is working together to get the best possible job done. Don't be a doormat, but don't get crazy when somebody snaps.

The EQ Coach: Everyone has a bad day every once in a while. Forgive it of others, and it will be forgiven of you. Don't make a big deal out of it.

6. Information is crucial.

To do your job well, you need to know who gets along with whom, who once got along with whom but doesn't now, and why. Learning the history of relationships in your office can save you considerable embarrassment.

The EQ Coach: One of my clients Twyla told me when she started a new job, she found the filing clerk to be incompetent and abrasive and was "ready to do something about it," i.e., go to Edgar the boss. But Twyla had an Angel there at the office, it seems, named Norma. Norma liked Twyla, the New Kid on the Block, and saw what was brewing. She bounced by her office one day and said cheerily, "Hey, Twyla, did you realize we have two sets of mothers-daughters working here and that [the file clerk] is Edgar's cousin? Isn't that neat?"

That's "word". Pay attention!

7. A positive attitude brings positive feedback.

Unless you're enthusiastic, you are going to have a hard time getting ahead. Low morale can kill a career as fast as you can say, "I hate this assignment." The right attitude may differ from place to place, but if you don't have a positive outlook, it will reflect in your work and things will only go downhill. If you really hate a place, do yourself a favor and get out.

The EQ Coach says: More emotional intelligence. If you've tried all alternatives (see me for suggestions!), and you really hate a place, do yourself a favor and get out.

8. Total honesty is for your shrink.

"Although candor and emotional honesty can be valuable assets in personal relations, letting it all hang out in a work setting can be unwise, inappropriate, and often damaging," Janice LaRouche writes in "Strategies for Women at Work". You especially do not want to involve your superiors in your personal life -- nor do they want to be involved (no matter how understanding they seem when you recite your tales of woe).

The EQ Coach: We all try and be helpful and friendly, but honestly, the workplace is where you work, and hearing the problems of others is distracting. Wise cookies take it elsewhere.

9. Work friendships are usually transitory.

People come and go in an office. They get promoted over you or you might get promoted over them, or they go to work for somebody you have declared an enemy, or what's worse, someone you have declared an enemy may become your boss. So think of your friendships at work as alliances related to a specific task, which is what they are, no matter how genuine they seem to be during the job. Don't expect the alliances to be permanent.

The EQ Coach says: Be friendly at work, don't be friends. That's something different.

10. Sometimes, you have to ignore the rules.

Sometimes, you will make a lifelong friend at the office and the relationship will be hassle-free. Sometimes, you will marry the boss's son. Sometimes, it could cost your company millions because the boss is making an egregious error at a meeting with a vendor or a client and you're the only one with enough guts to speak up and correct him. Sometimes, you have to go over your boss's head, your boss's boss is impressed, the boss gets fired, and you get the job. The point is, these rules are general guidelines, not absolutes. But before you break any of them, consider your company's culture, your boss, your own job -- and have a good reason.

Knowing the rules won't guarantee that you'll rise to the top, but at least you won't set up roadblocks for yourself along the way. Corporate politics is a game, first and foremost. Failure to play by the rules will almost always result in your being sidelined, no matter how good you are at your work.

The EQ Coach says: The hardest part is learning what the "real" rules are in your organization. Let me coach you to success!

These came to me from Israel. If they are attributable to someone please let me know and I'll be glad to attribute them appropriately.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

What about those things you don't want to feel?

Let's face it, there are feelings we don't like to have - sorrow, anger, grief, self-righteousness, pointless entitlement, jealousy, envy, longing.

There are feelings we wish we could engender in others. I'm partnering expert on a major website, and every day I get a request "How can I make him love me? How can I get her back?"

There are times we want to manufacture feelings -- "I must make myself love this person, or even like them, since I have to work with her every day."

Will power doesn't work. Besides that, it will exhaust you before you even get out the starting gate. There's a better way!

The EQ COURSE will help you understand how emotions/feelings work and what you can do about it.

Many people call it "the missing piece."

It is a law of emotions, just like a law of physics, that if you stuff down one emotion, you stuff them all down. This is important to understand if you want to have a full, enriched, successful life. So what about the ones we don't want to feel, I mean REALLY don't want to feel?

  • If you refuse to deal with hate, you cannot love.
  • If you refuse to mourn, you cannot feel pleasure.
  • If you will not forgive you will eat yourself up from the inside out.
  • If you choose to be bitter and cynical, you will further restrict your life.

Some emotions are even what we would call "destructive". See the Dalai Llama's book on this. Did you know that 5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours??"

So how on earth do you keep from getting angry? (without becoming a numb robot that is) Let me show you.

I love emotional intelligence. It's my passion. Let me share it with you! email me at and let's get to work!

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Usain Bolt and Coaching

Usain Bolt and Coaching

A world record falls and an Olympian does something no one has done before. The Yahoo teaser continues, "Find out what it is."

They are talking, of course, about Usain Bolt of Jamaica, who broke the world record by winning the 200 meters in 19.30 seconds Wednesday night.

Yahoo adds, BOLT IS THE FIRST MAN TO BREAK THE WORLD MARKS IN BOTH SPRINTS AT AN OLYMPICS. Not even Lewis or Jesse Owens managed that.

I guess because I'm a coach, when I read the lead-in, I wondered about his coach. Also two of my clients immediately came to mind. Followed by any number of others, but two in particular I'd like to tell you about because they accomplished something that for them, was just as monumental, though it will never make the Yahoo headlines.

Actually as a coach I have many examples, but here are just two.

Erita called me several years ago to talk about something job related. I probed around and asked some questions, and discovered that she had been an LPN, and wanted to be an RN, but was "sure" she could never pass the math parts of the college degree allowing for an RN, and also that she was "too old." Meanwhile she was doing something else, but her heart was still with the nursing degree she would never be able to have.

"Ha!" said I, the coach.

To fast-forward on this story, I worked with her for several years as she got herself admitted to a college, then faced the dreaded math courses (the chemistry, she always told me, was "easy", which I, the English major found astounding!). She thought often of giving up and would call. Slowly she began to believe in herself.

The upshot is she now has attained a job as an RN at a major hospital, having gotten the degree and passed the exam. No one has ever done this before either, because there is no one else on earth with her set of challenges and potentials.

The credit belongs to her. I was the coach, but it was her game, and she won it.

Amanda is another example. She is a coach I trained and certified and has a thriving business based on the Internet and requiring endless keyboarding. At the age of 62, she broke her right thumb and ring finger, making keyboarding impossible. NOT! She had taken the EQ training program and on-line course on emotional intelligence, which is full of research on neuroscience, brain science. "I can't," said she. "Try it! said I. "I bet you can." The doctor could not tell her what would be the outcome of the accident, because it was not a clean fracture, but smashed and splintered.

Amanda moved the mouse over to the left side if the keyboard and started in, training her left hand. Business continues ... That is one tough woman!

As a coach, I am continually in awe of the things people do that have never been done on earth them!

If you'd like to become a coach and share in one of the most rewarding professions there is, email me for information at . We train long distance (I have certified people all over the world), by phone, IM and email (core material on Internet), or you can come to Dallas for an intensive one-day applications seminar.

Coaching is rewarding, its portable, you can't get fired, it is a growth field, you will only get better with age, its the perfect "second" career, and you can begin while you continue on in your paying job and your practice builds.

AND ABOUT USAIN'S COACHES (from wikipedia)

Under the guidance of new coach Fitz Coleman, Bolt turned professional in 2004,
beginning with the CARIFTA games in Bermuda....He became the first junior sprinter to run the 200 metres in under 20 seconds, breaking Roy Martin' world
junior record by two tenths of a second with 19.93 seconds.

The following year, 2005, signalled a fresh start for Bolt in the form of a new coach, Glen Mills and a new attitude to athletics. Mills recognised Bolt's potential and
aimed to cease the sprinter's unprofessional approach to the sport.

Jamaican surprised even himself with the time but coach Glen Mills remained
confident there was more to come. Mills' prediction came true before the end of
the month when Bolt established a new 100 metres world record in May


According to Wikipedia, Usain began to want to try the 100 m and Glen bet him if he could break the National Record, he would agree to let him run the 100 m.

At the 2007 National Championships in June, Bolt broke Donald Quarrie's 36-year-old record by 0.11 seconds, running 19.75.

To quote Glen: "After the race he didn't even say thank you, he just said 'when is the hundred'."

Coaches inspire, push, instruct, encourage, tweak, stand by, bolster, and push! Who knows what you might do with the right coach!

I train, work with, supervise and network with outstanding coaches. We will find the RIGHT ONE for you that could signal "a fresh start" for you.

Photo: wikipedia commons, author Eckhard Pecher (Arcimboldo)

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Historia de un Letrero

There are so many ways to help
And it matters how we say things ...

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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Resilience builds Resilience

Everyday heroes to me are people who are resilient.

Today's example. Nancy has an online business which involves being on the computer all the time. Recently some nerve damage occurred in her right hand and she couldn't use it. At the age of 63, she quietly moved her mouse over to the left side of the keyboard and started learning to type with just her left hand.

YOU CAN DO IT! If you hit a snag, let me coach you. That's what I'm here for.

Warren is another example. He is 58 and a chiropractor. Years of the maneuvers have left him unable to use his right arm well enough, so he quietly began getting into consultation and teaching.

You can retrain your brain in many ways. That's why we keep learning new things. It keeps the 'aging' brain young. Learn something outside your field for best results. And KEEP LEARNING.

Learning matters. You may need it some day! :-)

Lifetime learning is one of the keys to resilience.

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Friday, August 15, 2008

Vocabulary, the Hidden Asset of Emotional Intelligence

In his research, Johnson O'Connor, a pioneer in the field of educational testing, claimed that an extensive vocabulary is the single most important indicator of lifetime success, whether it be financial, professional, or personal.

One of the most important things I work with with clients is their vocabulary. How they express themselves. One of the EQ competencies actually is Emotional Expression, but it goes beyond that. Being able to articulate a thought or a feeling is the key to good communication, and one of the most important things you will be judged by.

Whether you swear, use elitist vocabulary, cannot get out of your professional jargon, stumble over words, or lack the ability to understand and use metaphor and stories, argue and provoke instead of negotiating and discussing, or are boring ... effects your ability to get along with others, at work and at home.

Part of this I teach as etiquette. For instance how do you "get rid of" someone when you simply must get off the phone? How do you deal with an abrasive boss? How do you answer those tough questions in the interview? How do you placate an angry customer? How do you soothe a child?

How do you discuss a problem with your spouse without getting either hysterical or stone-walling?

In fact, my EQ COURSE(tm) includes poetry, the distillation of the best that language has to offer, including metaphor and simile. Great literature also gives you analogies (with other similarly educated people - which is where you want to be.) I know lawyers who read Shakespeare so they can write more compelling briefs.

If you would like to improve your ability to express yourself, the impression you make on others, and your success at negotiation and influence, email me for coaching, or call 817-741-7223. You will learn in the natural way - context, conversation, and feedback.

It' s one of the best investments you can make in your future happiness!

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Emotional Intelligence is Strategic Thinking

Emotional Intelligence IS Strategic Thinking.

In today's mailbag, an ezine from H. Glenn Ebersole, Jr., Founder and Chief Executive of J. G. Ebersole Associates and The Renaussance Group
™, who is in my networking group.

Full of helpful information, Glenn entitles one article "Critical Skills Needed To Be A Strategic Thinking According to Your Strategic Thinking Business Coach." He defines strategic thinking as a process whereby you can arrive a good decision related to your work or personal life. "Strategic thinking," he writes, "involves developing an entire set of critical skills."

And what are those critical skills?

The first one he mentions is:

Critical Skill #1: They have the ability to use the left and right sides of their brain. This skill takes practice as well as confidence. Developing the logic and creative sides of your brain are tremendously valuable.

This is precisely the value of taking THE EQ COURSE and the coaching that goes along with it. Full of neuroscience (about the brain), it shows you how to develop your analytical thinking and then go beyond it to WHOLE BRAINED thinking or BALANCED BRAIN THINKING.

This allows you to zone in on the sort of thinking we call "gut feeling," where, if you're in business (or relationships), resides the best judgment, truest perceptions, and sounded decisions. Gut feeling, or intuition, highly developed (which you can learn through EQ) is why two financial advisers can read the same "fundamentals," (left brain, analytical) and one make a 20 bagger, and the other pick a stock that tanks.

TAKE THE EQ COURSE ONLINE WITH EMAIL AND PHONE CONSULTATION, OR COME TO DALLAS FOR A DYNAMIC AND LIFE-CHANGING 1 1/2 DAY SEMINAR. eMail me at for more information. Seminars are held monthly and can be arranged to meet your schedule.

STRATEGIC THINKING is essential for what you want to accomplish in your life. One of my top 5 strengths on the Strengths Finder is STRATEGIC. I can help you come up with the strategy AND I can teach you how the parts of your brain work, and how to get them working TOGETHER, for synergy. This is particularly important for men, where the communication between the right and left hemispheres of the neocortex is weaker and needs to be developed.

Contact me at for immediate assistance.

We train in Dallas in state-of-the-art facilities, strategically loved just 20 mins from DFW. All seminars led by Susan Dunn, M.A., Clinical Psychology, and founding member of Coachville.

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Etiquette of Tipping

Having just been interviewed by a newspaper about the "etiquette of tipping," I'd like to put my 20% here on the blog ... I mean my 2 cents worth.

Please keep in mind that this is a funny question. There are the "rules" of tipping, and then there is the "etiquette."
The rules are easy -- 20%.
$1-3 to the valet. $1 per coat in the clockroom. $.50-$1 in the restroom.
The ETIQUETTE is something else. I mean couldn't you have som fun and put $5 in the restroom lady's jar?
My grandfather was a great guy. He was a banker, but he really liked to help people. He was comfortable, not wealthy. He used to leave $5 to tips back when that was a LOT of money. Just because it made him feel good.
Etiquette is about good manners, thinking about the other people, and taking in the whole situation.

First the rules because they're easier.

The 15-20% rules includes expensive wines, and the bartender (pay before you eat). If you can afford a $300 bottle of wine, what on earth are you complaining about?

At bar, $1 for beer or wine; $2 for mixed drink.

Tip jar - 5-10%. Be more generous is you feel like it. You know its split, and you know these are minimum wage people.

Fine Dining? Same deal. If you can afford a $300 meal, you can afford a $60 tip.

If you got great attention, tip the sommelier 10% and also the maitre'd.

Now for the etiquette. This means thinking, not just memorizing rules. This is what emotionally intelligent people. Anyone I know, for instance, who ever did waiting, or has a child who does, will tip more than 20%. Why wouldn't you?

It feels good to be generous.

Lousy service? Be sure you evaluate it with your EQ cap on, If you have ever done the job, you would know that there are many factors beyond the control of your wait person - like the chef messing up the order, some other waitperson taking their order, a bad night in the kitchen. - and whose fault is it if they've run out of prime rib already?? Or simply it's their first week on the job. These jobs are harder than they look.

A waiter who cops an attitude is another story. If your waitperson is surly, nasty, disdainful, obviously have a bad-mood day, see the manager. The tip is kind of irrelevant. If he got your food there, leave 10%; it's a statement of its own sort. And then don't go back there, unless your discussion with the manager leads you to believe it's a rare occurrence. Yes, you can leave nothing. You can also leave one nickel, like an unpleasant acquaintance of mine does. But then you have to live with yourself. This is what etiquette is all about.

The most ridiculour thing I hear is about time spend at the table. NO!! NO!! Who on earth came up with that one? In the finest restaurants, the ones I enjoy the most, the wait staff doesn't run up, put their foot on an empty chair and join your conversation (dear lord). They are INOBTRUSIVE, like the best of British servants. Looking after you, silently appearing, anticipating needs. Their actual time with you may be 15 minutes, if you're actually clocking it (why aren't you enjoying your meal and companionship is my question??)

Etiquette is about manners and between people. If the waitperson really knocked your socks off, make yourself feel good and leave them 40%. Send$25 in to the chef. What is money for but to have fun with, and what is more fun than largesse -- generosity. I love a date who is generous.

Does it bother you that a tip is added for larger groups? If you ever waited a large table, you'd know why. It's a lot more work. It's stated up front. If you don't like it, leave. It's as simple as that.
The waiter depends on tips to make it. They have to deal with the kitchen, the chef, the maitre'd, learn the specials, the wines, cover spills, cranky guests, people who can't pronounce the foreign words (in Texas, concierge (con-see-air'-jah, from the French) is pronounced con-see-air'. Tournedos - the accent is on the first syllable (tour'-nuh-doze). It is not a Tour-na-do. etc. They have to know when to interrupt. And my favorites are the ones who quietly arrive to fill my water glass, know just when to bring the bill and who to give it to, and do not bounce up and say, "I'll Fanetta, I'll be your waitperson today." My meal and my companion are the focus of my evening. Good waitstaff is background material, and I award them for that.

I'm a generous tipper unless there's some reason not to be. It's etiquette.

Odds and Ends

  • Men are worse tippers than women. I guess because they're worrying about the difference between 15% and 20% or how much it amounts to by hour.
  • Sometimes the credit card companies demand adding a tip and checking out if the credit card money is there. Be smart - understand that's not the restaurant doing it.

  • Some restaurants dictate a tip. This is like a contract. Read the fine print and agree to it or not. As long as they are up front about it.

  • Yes, check your credit card bill immediately before it passes through the bank. That's just smart. It can take a week for the real bill to show up rather than the pre-authorized amount.

  • Waiters are trapped by software, just like convenience workers. Give them a break.

  • Don't argue with others at table about the tip, the bill or anything else. This is bad manners.

  • If you're on a date you'll make a great impression if you're a generous tipper. Remember the words of - who was it? - a person who is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.

  • You are not paying them only for time spent, but for what they know ... like the wine list, and how to placate the grouch at your table, and how to move the order through the kitchen, where to find the butter when someone forgot to put it out. Ever been in a kitchen a meal time? I used to work for the head chef at a 5-star resort. You would not believe what can go wrong.

  • Remember, it's the credit card company that does the pre-authorization thing.

  • If you are getting "terrible service," call the manager over. Likely they will comp your meal, which leaves you with the question of the tip. But this isn't exactly brain science. Why not leave them something? Is it so much to ask? The waiters going to catch hell from the manager, isn't that enough?

  • It is typical to tip the lesser amount (15%) at breakfast or dinner. Why? Just because.

  • If it's a special occasion and the restaurant has raised their prices, make your tip the same. It's designed to be a special occasion.
  • Should you be charged a gratuity at a buffet when you bring your group? Are you a rube? CALL AHEAD OF TIME AND FIND OUT THESE THINGS. If you disagree, don't go there. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Of interest - some servers have to what's called "tip out" as many as 5 other people - bar (even if they served no alcoholic beverages), good runner, host, busser, service manager - do you even know who these people are?

Lastly, there's eating out and there's eating out. On some occasion you wish to impress. A first date with your dream girl, your mother on mother's day, and anything to do with boss and colleagues come to mind. EQ-smart people call ahead and check on things.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

People Make a Difference

Charles Schultz' Philosophy (the creator of Peanuts) arrived in my mailbag today. I didn't Snopes it. If it isn't his philosophy, it's mine and that of the people who mean the most to me on a daily basis.
Here's a test for you to take.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care and who touch our lives personally.
I hope, as a coach, my name will be on some people's lists. If you'd like to become a coach, and touch people's life positively, email about my coach training and certification program. .

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Millionaire finds happiness at work

EVEN $1,000,000?

Mary works at a boutique convenience store that sells Lottery tickets. There are many conversations about what the person would do if they won.

I think it's a happy person who says, "I'd keep doing that I'm doing only ... travel A BIT/help others/buy my parents a home/send my kid to the best college, etc.

At least 3 coaches I have trained and certified, who are at what some might consider "retirement" age, tell me they will keep doing it "forever." (If you want to become a coach, email me for information on my unique coach certification program.- .)

And now for today's story. You may have heard this story from London. You can read more about it here.


Luke Pittard won £1.3million in the National (UK) Lottery over a year ago and he did what many of us would do - he bought a new house; he had a fancy wedding; he holidayed in the Canary Islands.

And then he decided he missed his friends at work, and he went back to work. At McDonald's!

His comment: "They all think I'm a bit mad but I tell them there's more to life than money," he said. "I loved working at McDonald's before I became a millionaire and I'm really enjoying being back there again."

He added: "To be honest, there's only so much relaxing you can do. "I'm only young and a bit of hard work never did anyone any harm."

So, happiness is ...

Well, friends have a lot to do with it. And love. And work you enjoy. And perhaps the kind of attitude Luke has. He seems to have everything in perspective. He missed his friends, and so he went back to find them.

Do you have things in perspective? The EQ COURSE can help a lot. Most people call it "the missing piece."

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The Victory Dance at the Olympics


Students of emotional intelligence and body language will not find it surprising that researchers are pointing out that the human postures and gestures of triumph seen so often at the Olympics, are innate (found in both blind and sighted athletes, and present in every culture and country). They are also used by primates and other animals. It's just the way we say WA-HOOOO! I DID IT!

It's The Victory Dance - the one we saw when swimmer Phelps and his teammates won the men's 400-meter freestyle relay.

Says the LA Times:

This display of human pride and exuberance ... closely resembles the
dominance displays of chimps and monkeys, which also feature outstretched arms and exaggerated postures...The animal world is filled with inflated displays of superiority, noted Daniel M.T. Fessler, a UCLA anthropologist not involved in the research. Birds puff themselves up and cats arch their backs to make themselves look bigger and scarier to adversaries, he said.

It's a great release of that exuberant energy, too.

Ain't it great to win!

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Ray Garrett - his contribution as chairman of the SEC

I traded some stock today at Charles Schwab and remembered that a low-cost provider that allows 'the little guy' to trade stocks as easily as we have all become accustomed to doing was only made possible by the efforts of Ray Garrett, former chairman of the SEC. His birthday was August 11.
[the article is entitled "the man under whom it will all shake down."]

Interview with Roderick Hills, 12/2/02: "The White House deregulated commission rates, and while Ray Garrett at the Commission deserves all the credit for that, the fact is that President Ford and Alan Greenspan were strong supporters of that ..."
We will be honoring Ray Garrett at The Securities and Exchange Commission Historical Society's 75th Anniversary Celebration Dinner for the SEC Commission and staff, government officials, and industry representatives on Thursday, June 25, 2009.
Ray Garrett, Jr. passed on in February 1980. He emceed a previous anniversary dinner and wouldn’t have missed this one for all the tea in China -- nor the personal archives and roundtables that the Historical Society has promoted since its inception. He loved the SEC, the law, his family, and his colleagues, whose names were legion.

Of Ray Garrett, Jr.’s Chairmanship, Commissioner Al Sommer later remarked:

“Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never
hear his leadership criticized.”
— A. A. Sommer, Jr.

At this time we are beginning to approach all of Ray’s friends and colleagues to give them an opportunity to participate in hosting or sponsoring a place at the banquet table to honor RAY GARRETT'S MEMORY.

Ray Garrett, Jr. had four children; Me (Susan Garrett Dunn), Nancy Garrett Worcester, Anne Garrett Norloff and Richard Hale Garrett. He has eight grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

Please contact Susan Dunn for details on how you can join us in honoring Ray’s memory and in the meantime be sure to save this date on your calendar:

JUNE 25 2009
. . .
and his personal and professional contributions to our lives.

MR. BOOKEY: “The other thing that hasn’t quite been mentioned — the real
privilege I had, we had — all of us, we had what was called “The Dream
Commission.” “And The Dream Commission was when Ray Garrett was the chairman, and Irv was on the Commission, and Phil Loomis, and Al Sommer and John Evans, and they were the best. The absolute best. Stanley was the director. And they were smart. They were aggressive. They were energetic. It was leadership, and we loved it.

“And looking back, that was the prime time, folks. That was the prime

Let's make it a date to remember. Contact for more information.

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Monday, August 11, 2008

If you are blessed then you should share

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. --Virginia Woolf

Studies show, and personal experience confirms, that nothing gives us as much pleasure (in the true sense) as helping others.

During my days as a fundraiser I had so many happy days watching people give, and seeing what it did for them. I would take people through the shelter, and they would absorb the difficult, even harsh circumstances, of the residents.

They would often tell me about hard and sad times in their own lives - a way of being empathic, sharing feelings. No one escapes ...

Then they would rally. Their eyes would light up. One woman decided to donate a beautiful water fountain, as ours was old and grungy. Another lady decided to donate great art posters for the walls. A wealthy lawyer wrote out a check for $100,000 "for whatever you need." A society matron decided to provide birthday parties for all the residents on their day. A young high school student said he wanted to come down and do some carpentry work.

There are so many ways to help and they always make us feel good.

What prompted me to write this was the story of Taj Chahal, a multi-millionaire, who this year, for his 29th birthday, decided to forego flying his friends all over the world for lavish bashes, and instead hosted a surprise party for 300 at Martha's Kitchen, a San Jose charity that serves meals to the homeless and working poor.

Why did he do this? He is quoted as saying:

"If you are blessed to have the things that you have, then you should share them with others," said Chahal.

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Saturday, August 09, 2008

Traffic - for the safety of us all

Some time ago, I bought my dream car – one of those plush cadillacs with great arm rests and leather seats. The only thing is that it just about put me to sleep, the ride was so cushioned; and it didn’t exactly stop on a dime. I kept getting hit because I couldn’t get out of the way fast. Having a job where I had to drive downtown a lot, I decided to switch to a sharp little small car that I could maneuver (Toyota), and the first week I had it I was able to avoid getting hit by an errant driver because I was able to get out of the way.

Well, of interest to us all, for our SAFE DRIVING, is TRAFFIC, by Tom Vanderbilt. Take a look at the book review by Mary Roach in The New York Times, as well as the one on (here's a pdf of facts - and you'll get some safety tips right off the bat. TRAFFIC is subtitled Why We Drive the Way We Do (And What It Says About Us).
We really are weird. The book review mentions that the more stop signs there are on a road, the more likely we are to run them.
It's for sure we are driving more these days. We're going out for things we used to have/do at home. And did you know that Starbucks now builds stores facing each other so no one has to make a left turn, because drive-in business is such a great source of income for them?
Of interest...

  • SUVs are more dangerous

  • Saturday at 1 pm has heavier traffic than rush hour

  • Up to 70% of people may just be looking for a parking space

  • Traffic fatalities aren't new - in 1867 in New York, 4 pedestrians were killed by horses every week

  • Things that we think are safer cause us to use less caution (like bicycle lanes)

  • And this fact won't surprise you -- many traffic slowdowns are caused by people slowing down to take a look. But it's surprising what they - okay WE - will gawk at! This is well-known in marketing lore - change is what catches people's attention

It's sobering again to read about the dangers of multi-tasking in the car - from cell phones, to shaivng, to map reading, to applying makeup, to dictating.

I found it especially interesting to read about the studies of ancient chariot runways. Apparently chariot traffic got so bad in ancient Rome, Caesar had to ban daytime driving except for certain activities.

I plan to read the book. Hope you will to. We could all use safer driving!

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Friday, August 08, 2008

The Secret World of Grandparents ad Grandchildren

From the Grandparents' Day booklet at an elementary school - a look at the secret and sweet world they share. You couldn't make these up:
· My grandma and grandpa are special because they watch movies with me.
· My grandparents always cook food for me doughnuts and other stuff, make clay flower and are always there for me.
· My Grandma and Grandpa play with me outside in the back yard.
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa in their pond.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa.
· I like to go fishing with my grandma and grandpa.
· I like to play cards with my grandma and grandpa.
· Nana and Papa are special because they buy me prizes and take me out to play. My Papa Nick and Nanna are special because they let me swing on their rope.
· Grandparents so sweet and nice, they spoil you like you're candy.
· My Grammy and Pop are special because they take me to the park to play and let me sleep over.
· I like to drive with my Grandma.
· My Grandma is special because she cooks for me. My Grandpa is special because he tickles me.
· My Grandma and Grandpa take me to the store. I like to go to WalMart.
· My Grandma Mia and Paw Paw are special because they love me and pick me from school. They take care of me when Mom is away!
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they let me come to their house and make toast for me.
· I like to play hide and seek with grandma and grandpa.
· I like to go to the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they take me to the ranch to ride my 4-wheeler.
· I like going to Six Flags with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Cha Cha and Big Daddy are special because they take me to the park to get ice cream. My Grandmommy and Poppy are special because they let me play with toys in their attic.
· I like to go to the playground with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa take me to the zoo.
· I like to sew with my Grandma.
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa.
· Grandma Jo is special because she smiles and plays with me.
· Grandma and Grandpa are special because they draw trains for me and fixes my guitar.
· Mimi and Papaw are special because they chase lizards with me.
· My grandma and grandpa are special because they play games with me. They let me win.
· I like fish and swim with Granny and Papaw.
· I like to go shopping with my grandmother and with my other grandmother I like to go to her house and eat [?] with chocolate ice cream and with my grandfather I like to go to his house and drink a homemade milkshake.
· When they pick me up Friday at school.
· Dear Grandparents, I love you.
· I like to swim with grandma and grandpa in their pool.
· My grandma is very special (picture "Grandma's Back Yard") because she takes me shopping and I visit her in Illinois.
· My favorite thing is to play monopily with my grand parents.
· I like my grandparents because they play with me.
· I like to walk with my grandfather.
· Me, Grandpa and Grandma like to swing.
· Me, Grandma and Grandpa went to the park on a warm and sunny day.
· I like to see a movie with my grandmother.
· I like to build the electric train with my grandpa.
· We are playing horse basketball.
· I like to go to the park with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they give me kisses and send me presents for my birthday.
· My sister and me like to play with Grammy and Po Po.
· I like to help Grammey and Granpa cook [something?] when they are done I can eat them and they are very good.
· Grandma and Grandpa take me to ride on the roller coaster.
· I like to take a walk with grandma and grandpa.
· My Nana and Pocka are special because they play legos with me.
· I like to read with Babbo.
· I like to eat ice cream with my grandma and my grandpa.
· I like to play games with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa like to hide in the cave with me.
· (That one I just love!)
· My Grammy and Papaw are special because they give me presentsand they cook for me.
· I like to play with my grandma and grandpa in the park. Then we eat at MacDonalds.
· I like to eat ice cream with my grandma and grandpa.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa on the playground outside.
· Nana, you let me hold the ferrets at the pet shop. (Isn’t that hysterical!)Pet the dogs and cats, and you buy my dog toys. You watch my dances + hear my songs. I love you all day long!
· I like to walk the dog with grandma and grandpa.
· My Abuela and Abuelo are special because they tell me stories about long ago. I also have Christmas at their house in Mexico.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa. We play with toys and go outside.
· I like it when Grandma and Grandpa give me a toy.
· I like to see the ocean with Granny and Pawpaw.
· Grandma and Grandpa play with me and make me food.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they give me hugs and kisses.
· I like to go outside with my Grandma and Grandpa and look at the birds.
· I like to spend the night at grandma and grandpa's house. Then I like to spend the whole day with them!
· I like to go in the hot tub with grandma and I like to swim in the big pool with grandpa. He has lots of airplanes in his garage.
· Grandparents are nice. Grandparents are kind. When your naughty they don't mind. We love you! We love you!! Yes, we do!!
· At top -- You are my sunshine.I like to go for walks with my Grandparents and then have a picnic. I love playing with my Grandpa while my Grandma cooks.

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Thursday, August 07, 2008

Christian the Lion

We all love this story of limbic love. We share the limbic brain with all mammals, lions included.

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Tuesday, August 05, 2008

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it"
-Helen Keller
The bottom line about learning and increasing your emotional intelligence is your health and happiness.
How we handle the "negative" emotions affects every aspect of our life.
The goal of life is not to suffer. That's not to say we don't all have times of suffering. In fact "great suffering leads to great learning." We'd rather get our lessons another way, but lets face it - the way we learn to do it right, is by doing it wrong and learning.
Let me coach you! Call 817-741-7223 or email me at .

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Eye Candy - what's that got to do with focus?

I headed out today to take care of some necessary errands. First off was to go to the bank and deposit some checks. I'm fairly new to this area but I know where my bank is!
As I drove along, I noticed there was an amusement park set up on the left side of the road - some summer fair I guess. I have little ones in my life and thought that might be fun to take them to. But I was also thinking that it's 107 degrees in Dallas today and wondered how the fair was doing.
So where's the bank? Drove right past it!
It's so easy to be distracted from what we need to be doing when something pleasant looms on the horizon. And a special EQ note - learn what fogs your thinking. 107 degree would be one of those things. (Is there enough fresh air in your office? Is the temperature right at home for a good night's sleep.)
We often have to remind ourselves about tasks to stick with our Intentionality. What do you intend to do today and to have happen? Then keep it in mind.
That's the EQ way.

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Sunday, August 03, 2008

Shooting stars - the Perseids are coming

Do you remember watching shooting stars when you were a kid? Well get ready folks, here it comes.


Famous birthdays, August 11
  • Ray Garrett, Jr., former chairman of the SEC
  • Arlene Dahl, actress
  • Hulk Hogan, wrestler
This spectacular display of SHOOTING STARS that occurs every summer is named Perseids because it appears to come from the constellation, Perseus. It began around July 23rd, with one meteor per hour. There will be about 50-80 per hour by August 11-13.

It is believed that dreams come true on the night of the shooting stars.


Meteors are bits of debris
left behind by comets. The Perseid is from the Comet Swift-Tuttle, the largest object known to make repeated passes near the Earth. It's nucleus, about 6 miles across, is "roughly equal to the object that wiped out dinosaurs." (

The shooting stars are fast. They enter the
Earth’s atmosphere at over 133,000 mph. They range in size from a grain of sand to peas and marbles. When they hit the ground (rare), they are called meteorites.

When the Perseid particle enters the atmosphere, it compresses the air in front of it, which heats up. The meteor can become more than 3,000 degrees. This intense heat then vaporizes the meteors, creating what we call SHOOTING STARS.

Some large meteors splatter, causing a brighter flash called a fireball, and sometimes an explosion that can often be heard from the ground.

The Swift-Tuttle has a 13- year orbit around the Sun. Each time it has left a trail, and each trail has meteors. The best time to view is pre-dawn. This year, there will be a bright moon (gibbous) which will set about 1:30 a.m. Then the sky will be dark enough for good observation. The show began around July 17th, but the full moon interfered with vision. There will be about 10 other showers going on at the same time, including the Kappa Cygnids.

So get out your quilt and head for the hills/boat/park and catch a falling star. Put it on your pillow and watch ...

Photo credit: wikimedia commons

It's 105 Degrees in Dallas


It usually is hot in Texas in the summer!

I had a friend here this weekend from Mississippi. She kept commenting on how hot it was. Each time she mentioned it, I became aware that it was hot, and that I was hot.

Here in Dallas we don't comment on the heat in the summer. What's the use? It only makes us think about it.

And that's one way of coping!

Yes it is hot. It has been 105 recently. I don't know what it is today because I don't need to know, and it only makes it worse. It's a statement of a fact that it is hot. Beyond that, this is something we can do nothing about, that will be here for a while, it's expected, and talking about it only makes it worse.

We can seek temporary solutions to this "problem" - like cold drinks, cold showers, turning up the A/C, and staying inside. We can also occupy ourselves with things so we get our minds off of it. And that's kind of the key to things like this.

Complaining about something only makes it worse. It keeps it in the forefront, it magnifies its importance, and it keeps up, actually from taking action.

It also stresses the people around you. When someone says, "It's hot," I want to say, "Thank for reminding me."

With low EQ, you can move right on to "catastrophizing." This is:

  • It's so hot I think I'm going to die.
  • This is too hot. I can't stand it.
  • I'm going to go out of my mind if it's this hot tomorrow.
  • I'll never be able to sleep tonight. I've got a big meeting tomorrow, my hair will go limp, my makeup will run ... it's a nightmare.
  • This is awful. I can't stand it. Why did I ever move here. I must've been out of mind. Stupid, yes, stupid. That's what I am. I never get it right.
If there's a problem there are always 3 ways to deal with it:

  1. Change it
  2. Leave
  3. Change your attitude
If there's a solution to the problem, get right on it. That's the constructive, EQ thing to do. Either fix it, or get away from it. Failing that, change your attitude. Stressing over the stressor only compounds your own misery, and adds to the misery of those around you.

Remember - "5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours." If you'd like to work on how you handle your emotions, and what you allow them to do to you and your health, email me at or call me at 817-741-7223.

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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Coach Certification in Dallas


Training Center

Pool area with hot tub

Breakout room


Come to Dallas for 1 1/2 day seminar.
Corporate apts, or hotels in the near vicinity. Conference and business center, pool with hot tub, exercise room.
Susan has trained coaches all over the world, and invites you to come to Dallas now for your own personal training to become a Life Coach. You can specialize in many areas - wellness, fitness, emotional intelligence, personal life coach, career, transitions, parenting, retirement, healing, and more.
Program includes core materials on the Internet for you to work through at your own pace before you arrive, intensive on-site seminar, segment on marketing your professional practice, a program designed to meet your specific objectives, chance to network and learn with other professionals.
For dates and more information, email me at or call 817-741-7223.
Cost: $899

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