Sunday, December 31, 2006

La Scala Cancels Bernstein's Candide ... with emotional intelligence


"Silvio nudo? (Referring to Silvio Berlusconi of course)," begins the La Stampa article. "Non si farà La Scala cancella il «Candide» dello scandalo."

A Canadian web-paper leads with: La Scala cancels show depicting Bush, Blair, Putin, Berlusconi dancing in underwear. (Could be bathing suits, actually. See photo here.)

According to the news, La Scala (whose website would not have changed in 200 years, had there been websites back then - it's grand), arguably the most famous opera house in the world, has cancelled a production of Bernstein's "Candide", scheduled for the summer, that includes a scene with actors dancing in underwear while wearing masks of world leaders including President Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, former Italian premier, Silvio Berlusconi, Russian President, Vladimir Putin, and the very French President, Jacques Chirac.
Score 10 EQ points if you read "that includes" and did not INVENT "because it includes".

In fact, the production is currently playing just fine at the Theatre du Chatelet in Paris, where it was viewed by La Scala artistic director Stephane Lissner. La Scala has issued the statement that the production "was not in line with La Scala's artistic program." It did not elaborate.

10 EQ points awarded to La Scala. 10 to the media cited for not elaborating. And 10 to you if you do not elaborate in your own head.

In re: the bathing suit (or underwear) scene, La Scala spokesman Carlo Maria Cella said Friday the scene "was only part of the problem, and a small part."

Cella went on to say that Carsen's production had greatly modified Bernstein's original work.
"It is not a value judgment. Carsen is a wonderful director who's made beautiful shows," said Cella, speaking from his Milan office. "It is an issue of compatibility with La Scala's program."

10 more EQ points to La Scala.
Why? Because Carsen has done other things, it isn't Bernstein's fault ... and then, too, there's Voltaire. And the general class of La Scala just dictates decorum...restraint. It Italy it's called rispetto. There are some big names involved (Bernstein, Voltaire, Carsen) and they model respect (though in Italian the term means more than the US "respect" ... it's cultural, more "decorum" as well) ... such as is NOT shown to Putin, Bush, Berlusconi et al in the opera.

Bernstein's "Candide" is of course from Voltaire's satire against eternal optimism.

We asked John Alifano, Honorary Chairman of Club Vivo Per Lei to comment. He replied: "I love anything Bernstein wrote." You see the same rispetto there, as well. The same emotional intelligence here: a fine discernment about what's going on. We are talking about one particular production by a man (not all of his work); it involves the work of a man who had no part in the changes; and that piece of work, in turn, is based on the work of one of the great literary figures in history.

EQ would dictate that media hype be avoided, and one need not say more than the essentials. In other words, on the front end, don't elaborate, and on the receiving end, don't take the bait.
Dr. Alifano adds: "...[W]hen I bought my Baldwin 7ft grand it was tuned by a man named George Krippenstappel. Took him 4 hours sitting there in my family room. I thought he'd never finish, so perfect was his ear to the tones and voicing generated by my newly-purchased (from the Boston Symphony Orch.) pride and joy.

"FINALLY he got up and said..'Sorry it took so long, Dr Alifano...but that's the way Lenny would have liked it.' I said, 'Who's Lenny?' He looked me straight in my eyes and said, 'I tune the pianos all over the world for Leonard Bernstein...that'll be $500 please.' I gladly paid it."
To win EQ points, read with discernment. Think with your head. Keep your emotions (or theirs) (or the chance to get some attention) out if it, when it is appropriate to do so.

On the other hand, if you go to the opera at La Scala, THAT is an EMOTIONAL experience. That's what "bravo" is all about.

Call 817-741-7223 for information about emotional intelligence coaching, training, certification, business programs, or just to talk!
PHOTO: GNU Free Documentation License, It is believed that the interior is fair use doctrine according to US copyright law, as illustrative and educational purposes.

The End of Advertising


Common sense is one of the words subsumed under Emotional Intelligence. Like "maturity," it isn't easy to define, and it also carries judgmental qualities. So Emotional Intelligence talks about the components of emotional intelligence. What are some of the components of emotional intelligence that would allow a person to have good ole common sense? One is "intuition," or "gut feeling." Another is "good reality-testing."

So ... advertising IS dead. Haven't you noticed? Ah hah.
I caught an article the other day called "Embed Marketing in Products," by Mickey Alam Khan. He reports on the keynote address given at Forrester's Consumer Forum 2006 at the Palmer House Hilton in Chicago, by creative shop Crispin Porter + Bogusky CEO, which he said "raised the bar for ad agencies."
Mr. Hicks, who created great ads for Burger King, Volkswagen and Miller Brewing announced that, “We think the future of advertising is great products that have marketing embedded in them.”
How many ads do you see, for instance, for Starbucks?
I've never seen one at all. But didn't I just buy those cute cup Christmas tree ornaments and give them to all my friends who are Starbucks' frequenters?

They define the layers as: Advertising at the periphery, then layers of packaging and customer relationship management zeroing in on the target in the center: the product.
Perhaps you recall the viral campaign for Burger King called Subservient Chicken. At its peak, says Khan, the site was visited by 500,000 individuals who spent an average of 9 mins. on the site ordering the man-chicken to do their something. According to Kahn, "the campaign has received 18 million unique visitors and 450 million hits. Sessions today average 5 minutes. It all fit with the Burger King theme of 'Have it your way.' And it cost only between $40,000 and $50,000." (In case you are not aware, that is piddling for advertising money.
Does 'advertising' this way sound risky to you? "It never seems like a risk," said Mr. Hicks. "It seems like an obvious thing to do."
The agency also put all those funny quotes on the Burger King cups.
Well, participation and word-of-mouth are what it's all about these days. We love our polls, don't we?
You might be interested to know, in case you filter your blog, as I do, that comments on the Subservient Chicken site were filtered. "Every single comment," said Crispin Porter.
Another bit of common sense there. Open your blog and website wide and you get spammers, trashers, obscenity and advertisements from other people.
It's all about Emotional Intelligence. Read the full article here ..._
To increase your emotional intelligence, take The EQ Course. It's on the Internet, it's participatory and it's a product that has marketing embedded in it. Almost the first thing learners report to me is that their friends and relatives have "noticed a difference in them." Each student becomes a walking advertisement for emotional intelligence.
WE DO MARKETING (not advertising). Call 817-741-7223 for immediate attention to your Internet and traditional marketing needs.

Friday, December 29, 2006

How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence


You gave your child lots of toys for Christmas, how about a really meaningful and lifetime gift for the New year?

In order to teach your child good emotional intelligence, you have to have it yourself. Order my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence".

Then take .

The EQ Course will raise your emotional intelligence globally and may be a preferred option for you. If in doubt, call me and I will make the appropriate recommendation.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Gerald Ford: The Emotionally Intelligent President

Ford had "guts" in the way that counts ... an emotionally stable and mature man, he was willing to put the common good before his personal good, and acted with courage and authenticity.

If you want to improve your OWN emotional intelligence, call me at 817-734-1471 or email me at . Give yourself a real gift for the New year: Emotional Intelligence.

The reports continue ... from cbs, "The Underappreciated President": "Ford was a genial, likeable man, not entirely guileless but still an antidote to Richard Nixon, whom he replaced as president. Ford saw the best in people and assumed that even his political adversaries — he insisted he had no enemies — usually had good intentions. Nixon saw his opponents as sinister. Nixon was paranoid. Ford wasn't. His appealing personality —his openness, his unperturbed reaction to critics, his cheerfulness and warmth — was a necessary factor in suturing the wounds left by the bitter political battles over Watergate and Vietnam. But imposing his personality on the nation wasn't sufficient for the task.
"That's where Ford's guts came in. The fallout from the pardon, which Ford issued a month into his presidency, was predictable. His approval rating was instantly cut in half — from the 70s to the 30s. His election to a full term in 1976 became problematic at best, impossible at worst. And, as expected, he lost to Jimmy Carter narrowly in the 1976 race. Ford knew the political downside of the pardon. But he went ahead anyway, and it had an extraordinarily benign effect in two ways. The pardon spared the nation the trauma of bringing a former president to trial, a polarizing drama that would have lasted for years. And it allowed Ford to govern without the distraction of a Nixon prosecution. Absent the pardon, Ford would have been a crippled caretaker in the White House...
"[Ford] was a moderate who got along famously with Democrats, especially the crusty conservatives from the South and West. He felt strongly, as others did in that era, that politics should stop at the water's edge. In other words, he believed the foreign policy pursued by presidents, whether Republican or Democrat, should have bipartisan support. But bipartisanship in foreign affairs had died in Vietnam. ..."
"Ford was more or less a small government conservative. His favorite saying in speeches was: 'A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.'

"It was two decades before Ford's success as president began to be appreciated. When presidential scholar Fred Greenstein of Princeton developed a half-dozen non-partisan, non-ideological measures for judging modern presidents, he found that Ford scored surprisingly well. Greenstein labeled Ford "underappreciated." Ford's greatest strength, Greenstein wrote in his book "The Presidential Difference," was his "emotional intelligence." This is the quality of emotional soundness that allows a president to avoid distractions, not be intimidated by his high office and its obligations, and to take criticism and even policy defeats with equanimity. Greenstein wrote: "Ford's own remark about himself upon assuming the vice presidency in December 1973 was that he was 'a Ford, not a Lincoln.' In the second half of the 1970s, it was more to the point for the nation that he was not an emotionally roiled Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon." Read the full article HERE.
REMEMBER .... emotional intelligence is not a mystery. It can be learned.
If your Christmas get-togethers were difficult this year, take the How to Handle Difficult People course. DR who successfully completed it just before the annual Christmas get-together, wrote:
"What a pleasure to have someone push your buttons and not experience the emotional tug that used to make me react.... I felt the urge to be kind instead of annoyed by their odd behaviors. Thanks for leading me through this path. Our holiday dinner was, well, enjoyable. Thanks."
This could be YOU, next year, if you start now. Do it NOW while it's fresh in your memory and mind. Click HERE to register for the How to Handle Difficult People course. It could be the best $79.99 you ever spent.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Emotional Intelligence of President Ford


From the The Underbelly Blog, a journal of soft information, we found the following re: President Ford, RIP. The blog quotes from Fred I. Greenstein's, The Presidential Difference¨Leadership Styles from FDR to George W. Bush 122-4 (2d ed. 2004):

Emotional Intelligence. It is not necessary to depict Ford as a closet intellectual to appreciate the personal strengths he brought to the presidency. He was patently emotionally stable, and his self-esteem was not wrapped up in the fate of his policies.

“You never got negative emotional vibrations from the man,” Alan Greenspan recollected, “except when he was mad for reasons that were absolutely objective.” …

Public Communication. He was a plodding speaker, whose rhetorical limitations made him less able than a Roosevelt, Kennedy, or Reagan to put a good face on political misfortune. Ford also resembled Truman in being verbally accident prone…

Organizational Capacity. Ford’s organizational legacy includes his painfully won demonstration that it is no longer feasible to operate an effective presidency without an able and experienced White House chief of staff. There is in general much to be learned form the intelligently structured staff procedures of Ford’s White House. Of particular interest is his Economic Policy Board, which employed the principles of multiple advocacy that served well in Eisenhower’s foreign policy advisory arrangements. A policy mechanism like the EPB would have been useful to a number of Ford’s successors, particularly Carter.

Political Skill. Ford’s political skills were those of an experienced legislative pragmatist. …

Vision. It might be assumed that the eminently practical Gerald Ford possessed little in the way of political vision. But in fact he had clear, internally consistent policy convictions, particularly in the domestic sphere. ….

Cognitive Style. Ford brought an open mind and thoughtful intelligence to his responsibilities. Alan Greenspan, who chaired Ford’s Council of Economic Advisers CEA) … [observed] that Ford found it enjoyable to discuss economics with him, even when there was no pending decision that made doing so necessary. …
Photo in the public domaind, wikipedia

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

#1 New Year's Resolution


"Resolution". It's another word for Intentionality, an emotional intelligence component.
Some facts about New Year's Resolutions:
  • For most people, the #1 resolution is losing weight, getting fit, getting back in shape, exercising more, eating right ... some form of wellness.
  • Next is something you want to "give up", some bad habit. Quit smoking. Quit self-sabotaging. Stop yelling at my kids. Stop fighting with my partner.
  • 90% of people will have broken their resolution by the end of January.
  • Most people admit to having the same top 3 every year.
  • We want to make it a better year for ourselves, but we are making the list at the down time of year.
Coaching can help you make a keep your New Year's resolutions.
The month coming up is a hard one for most people, cultiminating in "the most depressing day of the year," January 20th (so proclaimed by a scientist using a formula). This is because of the weather, SAD (seasonal affective disorder, all the emotions triggered around Christmas , the after-Christmas letdown, the weather, bills, not getting what you wanted for Christmas, the weather (gray skies!), fights over Christmas time with relatives ... and so forth.
Want to see the same thing on your list next year, like it was last year, and the year before? Of course you dont, so why not try coaching.
Why do we make these "resolutions" at what is usually the low-point of the year? Well, any time is good to make a resolution to make your life work better, as long as you give yourself a real chance at making the goal. Coaching can help. I help people make their resolutions all year long.
Make it your resolution to find out about your resolutions, and give yourself a chance at keeping them this year.
If you'd like help with your resolutions, call me for coaching: 817-741-7223. Or email me at .

EQ works!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Improve Your Emotional Intelligence


First Corinthians 13: Christmas Version
Author Unknown
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family,
I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen,
baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals
and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,
but do not show love to my familyI'm just another cook.
If I can work at a soup kitchen,
carol in the nursing home,
and give all that I have to charity,
but do not show love to my family,
it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels
and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties
and sing in the choir's cantata,
but do not focus on Christ,
I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love does not envy another's home
that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love does not yell at the kids to get out of the way,
but is thankful that they are there to be in the way.
Love does not give only to those who are able to give in return,
but rejoices in giving to those who cannot.

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things andendures all things.
Love never fails.

Video games will break,
pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust.
but giving the gift of love will endure forever.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

White Shoe Lawyer and Emotional Intelligence


Not considered too highly in "the law" or by most lawyers, emotions are nevertheless present in a law firm, and in the courtroom, as they are everywhere else. Emotional Intelligence is particularly needed in working juries. As has been said, "all it takes to hang a jury is two beautiful women or two alcoholics."

Juries also are known not to like "arrogant" attorneys.

Well, today we find on the blog "Law and More: Deconstructing What Happens in Law," an article entitled, "White Shoe in Era of Everyman." We learn that Time has named US, "everyman" the Man of the Year, and that a "white shoe" lawyer originally referred to the "socially ambitious and socially smug" gentlemen (no women in law back then, folks) who were the uppercrust at the Ivy League colleges in the 40s and early 50s.

According to Fred Shapiro, librarian at Yale Law School,

"The term 'white shoe' appears to have originated at Ivy League colleges. The Harvard Crimson, May 9, 1949, refers to a film shown by the Harvard Film Society as doing 'a roaring white-shoe trade' at the box office. . . . An article in Esquire, Sept. 1953, explained that at Yale students were pigeonholed as White Shoe, Brown Shoe, or Black Shoe: 'White Shoe applies primarily to the socially ambitious and socially smug types.' Traditionally white shoes had been prominent in upper-class casual fashion.

In another time, one might say the white shoes were the upper class, or the elite.

This to me is a better explanation, written by a blog commentator: "Ah, 'white shoe' -- we always heard back in the early '80s that the term came from the fact that white bucks were the traditional summer shoes worn by arch-WASP lawyers with their seersucker suits in the days before air-conditioning in New York, Boston and Philadephia firms."
Let me add Chicago to that, and personal anecdote. My father went off to work in the Loop every day in those white shoes and a seersucker suit (and a HAT) even apres A/C. He went to Yale, then Harvard Law school in the late 40s, was a senior partner in a major Chicago law firm, and eventually became Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) - Ray Garrett, Jr. (See Ray Garrett Jr. Corporate and Securities Law Institute, Northwestern School of Law.)

In fact in this photo, which I think was on the cover of Forbes magazine, he has on that seesucker suit, and the white bucks always accompanied it. Until Labor Day.

Blogger, Jane Genova, admits to a bias (she fought her way "in" and then scrambled back out), but she feels that white shoe law firms are missing the boat in recruiting in only Ivy League schools. "Can a hustler with high social/emotional intelligence from a third-tier law school bring in more business, win more cases, get superior results for clients?" she asks. And "of course," she answers herself.

Whoa there. Always? Of course NOT. Only? No. Sometimes? Sure, why not, all thing's being equal? And here's why.
Pertinent to emotional intelligence: It's been said that IQ is what gets you through school, but EQ is what gets you through life. The true "rainmaker" is a maverick, charismatic breed that can't really be pigeonholed. Often brilliant in the law, of course (note that "school" comes before "life"), but there has to be something else, because not all brilliant graduates from Harvard or Stanford are rainmakers. Emotional intelligence subsumes such things as "charisma" and "leadership." My dad had both, and rainmaker he was; his smile lit up a room, his laugh made him the best audience a person could have, and whenever he walked through the law firm the summer I worked there, he was surrounded by a coterie of young associates satelliting around him, wanting to be ... well, led.

Yes, despite the obfuscation of some business consultants and coaches, I maintain that the sine qua non of the leader is that people want to follow him or her. And "want to" is about feeling, not thinking.

I coach leadership, I study it, I had a great role model. Yes, I tried to figure out why Dad had what he had, got what he got and where he got, and it breaks down to many of the emotional intelligence components I teach. However, he was also an exceptional lawyer. But remember, it's not about getting people to follow you, it's about getting them to WANT to follow you.
Now, back to our blogger.


"When I interviewed the jury in the Rhode Island lead paint trial," writes Ms. Genova, they used words like 'pompous' to describe certain legal players in the trial who screamed white shoe branding. The jurors praised Everyman attorney John Tarantino, defense attorney for ARCO and a local boy. It was Tarantino and only Tarantino who got his client acquitted by that jury. The other three defendants were convicted. This should make all law firms consider, just consider, that maybe all the attributes of the white shoe have become liabilities not the crown jewels of the brand. "
Well, only if the white shoe lawyer happens to be pompous as well, or if that quality is built into your definition of "white shoe lawyer."

OK, she's made her point, and I'll make mine: white shoe, brown shoe, black, or everyman, emotional intelligence can make the crucial difference in one's success in life and at work.

Why debate whether a white shoe or third-tier hustler can win clients and cases for law firms when obviously both are capable of it ... IF they have emotional intelligence.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace: Not a Laughing Matter

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace.
No, it's not touchy-feeling, group-hug stuff, it's serious business when emotions take over. If you aren't in touch with your feelings, when they 're driving you (and that includes pride, pig-headedness, one-upping, and so forth), your life is out-of-control.

You'll laugh when you see this. People observing this sort of male rutting always laugh, but the results aren't always funny.

MBA programs avoid emotional intelligence or treat it like a weapon


Emotional Intelligence in the news. Emotional Intelligence works and articles such as these explain the components and competencies, and show how its effective use in coaching, and in establishing an emotional intelligence culture in your organization can move the bottom line.

Performance improvement specialist Rossmore acquired by Arup Consultant News - UK... are nowhere near enough. All the things taught in MBA programmes either avoid emotional intelligence or treat it as a weapon.”. ...

FROM THE ARTICLE: “Many management people are frightened of behaviour,” [a Rossmore official] says. “In the UK we still have relatively few emotionally intelligent people in senior positions—it’s getting better but there are nowhere near enough. All the things taught in MBA programmes either avoid emotional intelligence or treat it as a weapon.”

While Rossmore deals with “soft” or people issues, the approach doesn’t mean shying away from tough decisions or creating real results. “As part of our diagnosis you might find people who need to move and we’re not afraid to do that,” he says. “Our sold [sic] purpose is to improve the business by getting people harnessed to the organisation’s objectives. For every £1 the clients spend with us they save £33, and a lot our stuff is unmeasurable—the true test is the bottom line.”

The 3 Parts of our BrainsBy Matt Perelstein The Limbic System: The emotional center that creates feelings but is not conscious ... Othello - The Heart: The Feeling intelligence. Lives in the emotions, ... Hamlet - The Head: The Reasoning Intelligence, living in the head and in an ...Emotional Intelligence beats... -

TED2007: Icons, geniuses and mavericks (seriously) By Bruno Giussani ... singer Paul Simon (as in Simon & Garfunkel); economist Edward de Bono; "Emotional Intelligence" author Daniel Coleman; "Lost" creator JJ Abrams; "Sims" creator Will Wright; Jeff Skoll of Participant Productions ("Good night, ...Lunch over IP -

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Competitive Intelligence

COMPETITIVE INTELLIGENCE ... that's what Emotional Intelligence is.

It's not good enough these days to be top in your field as far as skills, expertise and credentials. There are too many people just like you with the same resume. Also you don't get to sit in your office these days and do work. You have to make your way through a maze of people, jump across the generation gap, deal with people from many different cultures, get the gender bias unbiased, get information from many different people, and work as a team.

Teams involve emotions because they involve egos. Also because you have to engage, influence and motivate a host of people to get one simple thing done. Right?

Let's face it, it's much easier to produce work alone, it's just that it won't work any more. You are expected to know how to "get along."

What on earth does that mean? It means competitive intelligence, or emotional intelligence. This isn't touchy-feely stuff, it's about your paycheck, your promotions and your career future.

Career coaching is tax deductible. Check with your personal accountant or tax advisor.

Sign up for coaching. Pay before the 31st and start after the first of the year. Just in time for New Years' resolutions!

Let me guess what's on your list of resolutions. They may not be in this order, but here they are:

  1. Lose weight
  2. Get healthy
  3. Make more money
  4. Get along better with my spouse
  5. Handle stress better
  6. Get life balance

Well you can sum those all up with Emotional Intelligence, Professional Life coaching. I have the tools, you have the goals. Let's get together.

Call me at 817-741-7223, or .

Monday, December 18, 2006

Shy Guys Can Get the Girl

My articles are appearing today on these sites:

Step-Parenting Problems at the Holidays: Article: "Step-Parenting Problems at the Holidays," by Susan Dunn, MA, Professional Life Coach Dear EQ Coach: My husband...Parenting problems -

Criminal El Paso County RecordsBy boceqomedir: Article, "How Shy Guys Can Succeed," by Susan Dunn, MA, THE EQ COACH. I coach men how to succeed with women. We offer complete services to prepare you to meet, ...gebisuwip -

Personal Coaching Offers, Susan Dunn MA. Personal career emotional and executive coaching nationwide. Jobs Home Job Search MI Grand Rapids Target Target Stores ...Blog dot com -

Destructive Natural AgentBy markh: Article,
Planting New Seeds for Your Life in the Spring," by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Herb Garden -

"Shy Guys Can,"
by Susan Dunn.

Anne and I know a shy guy -- her brother. He isn't the best-looking rooster in the barnyard, but he always seems to have lots of chicks pecking around him.Whatu is the attraction? The mystery, I think. He doesn't say much so women fill in the blanks. Also I think it's refreshing; a relief from the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals out there. They like the challenge of getting him to open up. And, yes, they even ask him out, but he's the three-date strikeout king.Being shy can work for you at first, but it won't get you what you want in the long run.

Women want a man to be confident and assertive. Then they can be a woman! If you don't step up to the plate, you'll bring out the "mother" in them and be relegated to the friends' category. You�ll have lots of female companionship, but no romance.

So keep in mind a little boy you've seen recently, and avoid doing the things that little boys do with their moms -- they ask permission, they worry about pleasing her, they never take initiative, they aren't spontaneous, they don't know what they want, and they expect to be taken care of.Y

ou don't need any of that, so make sure you aren't giving the wrong impression. Dating is frustrating to everyone. I coach men and women both, around emotional intelligence, dating and relationships, and I hear the same thing from both sexes. It's frustration, rejection, confusion, and mystery until it works out, and it will. No one knows what's going on, so just hang in there.

Men that have a lot of bravado are just covering it up. No one likes to strike out, but everyone does. If you don't step up to the plate and take a swing, you can't get a home run. It's as simple as that. It gets easier with time, your odds improve as you practice, and the reward is definitely worth it. Eventually you'll see a ball coming over the plate you know is a home run, and you can hit it out of the park.

Here are some tips:
1. Monitor your self-talk. Keep it positive and affirming. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a buddy you wanted to encourage.

2. Monitor the self-talk of other guys. If it's one thing guys lie about, it's their prowess with women. Every man's in there taking his knocks just like you are.

3. Your emotions don't have to stop you in your tracks. You can be nervous and keep going. You can be worried about rejection and still take a risk. This is like a workout, building character muscle, aka tolerance for frustration.

4. Start from the inside out. What are you shy about? Make a list of all you have to offer and believe it. If there''s something you need to work on, get some coaching and take care of it. Otherwise, take pride in who you are and stay centered. Not all the women will like you, but you need all the women. You just need HER.

5. Practice where it'�s safe. Being outgoing is something you can try with the person next to you in the grocery line. Talk to strangers. Watch outgoing people and see what specific behaviors they do -- the eye contact, the tone of voice, the posture, the conversation-starters. It isn't a mystery, it's a set of skills, like a tennis serve.

6. If she asks you out first, that's fine, but you must take charge or you're going to be moved into the "just friends" category. Take over and be spontaneous. Don't ask her what she wants to do or where she wants to go. Plan something any woman would enjoy and expect her to go along. Use your gut feelings.

7. Don't try and please her all the time. This gets annoying with time. Just be you and go! Any healthy woman will squawk if she doesn't like something. Otherwise, assume all is well and carry on.

8. Have an opinion and express it.

9. Talk as well as listen. There's nothing more attractive than someone who gives us their undivided attention, but take your share of it, otherwise she'�ll see you as a doormat and lose interest. Set your ipod alarm if need be -- it's time for you to talk!

10. Kiss her when you feel like it. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission. She'll let you know when she's ready. Go with your gut.11. Nobody gets to be on a pedestal. Whether you�re worshiping at her feet, or your own, get down to earth. You're two real people, not actors in a movie. You are not there to judge each other's "date" performance, you're there to enjoy one another and have a good time. Know your stance/alignment and stance/takeoff so you're positioned right, and you can't lose. No matter what happens with her, you will have had a good time, and that's how you build confidence.

12. Practice. The only way you can get a hole-in-one is to take that bucket of balls out to the shooting range and hit balls for two hours.Shyness is a combination of innate personality, and insecurity. Your personality�s great. Insecurity isn�t. You get confidence by training, so get a coach. It�s not just for sports any more. They�ll put you through the drill and pretty soon you�ll be scoring like a star quarterback. Only where it really counts - your love life.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Step-Parenting Requires Emotional Intelligence

Career Coaching is often tax deductiblae (see your personal accountant for tax information. Signup and pay no; start after the first of the year.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOT A FAD. IT IS BECOMING A DEMAND IN THE WORKPLACE. Add EQ certification to your resume in 2007. Employers are looking for it.

See my articles published on the following sites today:
Family Spring Outing: Wildflowers in TexasAuthor: Susan Dunn, MA, Life and EQ Coach Looking for a great weekend outing for the family? Come see the wildflowers in Texas in the spring. The highway medians and hillsides are full of color – bright red, yellow and blue, ...Flower Delivery Send Flower Shop -

Step-Parenting Problems at the HolidaysStep-Parenting Problems at the Holidays by Susan Dunn, MA, Professional Life Coach Dear EQ Coach: My husband...Stepfamily Zone -

When Are You Planning to “Get Old”?Apparently it’s up to you and I wouldn’t hang on to old stereotypes. Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers positive psychology coaching and Internet courses on emotional intelligence, optimism and strengths. Email for FREE -

Two Danish Contemporary Composers: J rgen Jersild & Niels La CourBy markh Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ ...Herb Garden -
How are the holidays going for you? Take a minute and take an honest look. Christmas is a litmus test for how you handle stress and emotion.
Are you stressed out, overwhelmed, weepy, crabby, bitter, angry, hostile, resentful, snapping at everyone, withdrawn and want to be left alone, feel like canceling the whole thing, fighting with your family over the same old things, dreading the holiday get-togethers, or shut down completely?
Take THE EQ COURSE now, and next Christmas will be different. So will the year in between!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Emotional Intelligence at Christmas Tim

We definitely need Emotional Intelligence at Christmas time.

We get tired, stressed, pulled in many directions, and there are also memories; "The bittersweets" my friend calls them. The people who can't be with us, won't be with us, or have gone on before.

You may also feel inadequate -- too many demands, many of them emotional. How to make everyone happy. How to balance the demands of others that are often conflicting. And wondering who is putting your needs first.

All this can lead up to feelings of low self-esteem, and the frequent after-Christmas blues.
So it's timely that this is circulating the Internet again, alledgedly the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.


You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

[And, as the emotional intelligence coach who has listened to a lot of people over the years, these accolades do not make up for failure in one's personal life. Read story of Andrew Mellon below.]

Here's another quiz.
See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care. ____________________________________________

SPEAKING OF STRESS AND ILLNESS ... Are you taking a good immune system supplement? Emotions have a direct effect on the immune system. If 5 minutes of anger can suppress the immune system for up to 60 hours, think of what all this Christmas frenzy does.
We recommend Arbonne's DefenseBuilder or Get Well Soon Supplement. I take them both! Shop with me safely online at MyArbonne. Great for gifts, too.
Want to give them something meaningful that will last a lifetime? Emotional Intelligence! Give them the EQ Course. Email me their name and email or street address and I'll send a beautiful gift card with your name on it.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Give the Gift That Lasts Forever: Emotional Intelligence Coaching

Emotional Intelligence Coaching is the perfect Christmas Gift.

For men and women; for executives, professionals, entrepreneurs, workers, first-jobbers, career changers, and retirees; teens, young adults, midlifers, seniors and elders; people seeking lifeskills and people seeking philosophical meaning. To learn to love better, work better, tolerate stress better. It works for everyone.
I've coached them all and the most common thing I hear, besides "thank you" is "THIS is the missing piece." My youngest client was 6 and my oldest client was 82.
It's a meaningful gift that will last a lifetime. Includes Internet course. Send inquiries to . It's a forever gift that takes an instant to send. I will send a beautiful gift card announcing your gift either by email or snail mail, up until Christmas Day. The EQ Course is also available for gift-giving.
Emotions don't belong in the workplace? With certain types, if you know what I meant, when I tell them I teach and coach Emotional Intelligence, they stick up their nose, or laugh, nervously. Emotions have long been considered anathema in the workplace, especially, for instance in the operating room or the law firm, but thinking they subvert logic and rational thinking doesn't mean they aren't there. Many of the people most in need of emotional intelligence are the people withi IQs in the genius range who can't get their lives together on any other front, or, and here's a dire example, the engineer in the nuclear plant who was so "in his head" he missed all the clues that the reactor was about to blow. Emotional Intelligence training is highly useful for accident prevention.
People who refuse to acknowledge or deal with the emotional component that exists in every interaction, are the ones most likely to be at their mercy. Consider, for instance, the alpha male, as cited in the Harvard Business Review, whose intimidation (through emotion -- what else intimidates?) leaves him bereft of the crucial information he needs to make viable decisions that effect the bottom line.
The Unison blog , News and Resources for Building Extraordinary Relationships, cites an article by Michael Rock, Ed.D., entitled
"The person in question came alive as never before. It was as though I had hit a real nerve. I could almost see the veils of his protective self just melt away, and instead of that look of analysis, there was a look of openness. [emphasis mine, because this is the look that accompanies "THIS is the missing piece"!] The executive began talking about his inability to get his team motivated. [Motivation is a FEELING word, not a THINKING word, that's his problem.] The "who" part of my question got him discussing his frustration [an emotion that blocks clear thinking] with two team members in particular. But this session was different: he wasn't point fingers [rational] he was accepting his role in the workplace scenario. He was asking for pointers to "unblock" himself [i.e., learn EQ].
That's what Emotional Intelligence is all about - removing blocks. Yours, theirs, his, hers. Every problem has an emotional component that must be addressed, and a solution that involves moving those emotions.
Dallas, Texas, December 14, 2006 – If you’re still hunting for the perfect gift for someone, Susan Dunn, MA, of Momentum Coaching has an idea that’s sure to please: Emotional Intelligence Coaching. This is a gift that will truly last forever.

Emotional Intelligence Coaching is perfect for everyone on your list. Learning the components of emotional intelligence demystifies the things that are most puzzling in life, the things that don’t get taught in school. Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) can be more important to your success in life, both relationships and career, than your IQ. And, as the recent Times cover story on education mentioned, emotional intelligence is a vital commodity in today’s world and for the future.

Emotional Intelligence coaching is a gift that will benefit your recipient for years into the future.
“Emotional Intelligence coaching is about helping people get to the next level, create the next stage of their live, transform their current situation, or learn specific skills such as leadership, creativity, focus, life balance, managing change, using good judgment, anger-management and more clarity.”

Dunn, who has a master’s degree in clinical psychology and is a founding member of CoachVille, has worked with professionals, executives, retirees, at-home moms, step-parents, teenagers, and other coaches whom she trains and certifies in Emotional Intelligence. “Almost the first thing I hear from clients and coaches alike is ‘This is the missing piece.’ Whether it’s to build your own business, get the promotion at work, be a more effective manager or CEO, coach better or be a better lawyer, avoid the most common reason for getting sued as a doctor, attract the man of your dreams, become more resilient in today’s stressful and fast-changing workplace, or get more fulfillment out of your current relationships, work and life, Emotional Intelligence can be the golden key that opens the door.”

Coaching was cited as one of the growth professions for the next decade, for good reason. Coaches collaborate with clients to get them from A to B, in one of the most efficient, effective, user-friendly methods there is. Coaches work on-site, by telephone or email, making their services easily-available for people already stressed for time.

“Emotional Intelligence is a worldwide phenomenon,” says Dunn, who has trained coaches and offered Emotional Intelligence coaching to individuals in Malaysia, Germany, Wales, Australia, the Phillipines, Beijing, the UK, Singapore, India, and all over the U.S.

Momentum Coaching works with individuals who understand that underneath any challenge or problem, there is an emotional component, and that includes when you think emotions are soft, or squishy or touchy-feeling. It is problem, but also the solution.
There’s nothing soft about the CEO whose intimidation is leaving him bereft of crucial information, the rainmaker whose abrasive personality is driving off the young employees on whom the future of the firm depends, the engineer who misses a crucial malfunction in the new nuclear energy plant because he’s ‘all in his head’, or the millionaire who, like Andrew Mellon, has only his paintings to relate to, talking about them as if they were flesh-and-blood relationships.

Giving Emotional Coaching as a gift is as easy as it is meaningful. Contact the Emotional Intelligence Coach and they will send a beautiful card by email or snail mail.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Gallup Poll says 80 years olds doing well


40 and 50 years olds with Alzheimer's? Well, you see, health doesn't relate to age as much as you think.

I just got a call from my friend in San Antonio. She wants me to drive down for a concert, and wonders if I'd like to do a cruise after the first of the year. She jots down my new address, for Christmas cards, and then has to "run" because she's gotta cook dinner.

Unusual? Only if you know that she's 91!

Most of my clients are in life transitions, and about half are over 50. From what I see, and what I know, 80 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 40. In fact I trained and certified an 80 year old gentleman as an Emotional Intelligence Coach, and he was dynamite.

Need another example? Look at how the latest Gallup Poll on "America's Elders" frames it: Life After 80 ...

And they find it may be better than you think.

This latest poll got responses from people with relatives 80 and older. They found that nearly half, 47%, were in excellent or good physical and mental health.

Why get coaching and age well?

  • US life expectancy is nearly 78 years, an all-time high
  • 85+ group will double by 2030, from 5 million to 10 million
  • Women still live longer

About 41% can walk on their own just fine, and more than 2/3rds live alone in their own home. There is a decline in the 90s, but by the time YOU'RE 90, who knows?

One of the best things you can learn through coaching is how to recreate yourself, gracefully and creatively. If you're approaching your sixth decade, feeling uneasy, and getting depressing advice, call me for coaching: 817-741-7223.

I practice and teach the statistically proven and research-affirmed skills that make for resilient aging. Start now and you'll be ahead of the game. What you do with your brain now is what matters. It's all about Emotional Intelligence.

Time Cover Story touts Emotional Intelligenc

More on TIME Cover Story touts Emotional Intelligence in the schools.

How to revamp our educational systems to make kids ready for their future.

Developing good people skills, EQ, or emotional intelligence, can be as important as IQ for success in today's workplace. All things being equal, it can be more important.

"Most innovations today involve large teams of people," says former Lockheed Martin CEO Norman Augustine. "We have to emphasize communication skills, the ability to work in teams and with people from different cultures."

One suggestion was that kids should not bother learning a second language, to allow time to take other things. Something about - we speak English in the U. S.

On "The Moderate Voice" blog by Joe Gandelman, he gives his opinion about learning another language:

"My view? A superpower that stops being interested in the world surrounding it, a superpower that has become so arrogant that it believes that everyone should speak the language spoken in before-mentioned superpower, is in the very real danger of alienating the entire world and it seems not, umh, very smart to me, close one's borders for information and knowledge from other countries. There is more to it than just 'money' (whether or not people will use it in their professional career). There is also the aspect of, as the original article points out, globalization and of personal development. To be able to read Goethe in German... Trust me, the original is always better than a translation."

MY VIEW: Yes, they are better in the original language. We get mis-translations all the time. And what they say goes better in their native tongue; that's why we don't translate operas. Not all the great literature in the world is written in English. But perhaps more importantly, and less-inflammatory ... when I sat in my Latin class room, freshman year in high school, my teacher said these words, which I have never forgotten: "You do not know your own language until you have learned another one." And furthermore, yes, everyone speaks English in the U.S., and so does nearly everyone else in the developed worl; they "bother" to learn our language.

Learning a second language was obligatory for pre-grad school preparation back in the 60s. At the fine college I went to, Carleton College, in Northfield, MN (which to this day produces an inordinate number of pre-med students who pass the MedCAT), a second language was required for graduation, along with required courses in areas outside your major. Truly a liberal arts education. German if you were pre-med, for instance; but you have to take English literature, or History, or Economics along with your science. (Many parents were aware at the time that this would be the last "exposure" their youngster, planning to go to medical school, would have to anything BUT science, and that this would make them more well-rounded, and enrich their lifes into the future. It could be any language if you were in liberal arts, but you had to get in there and take Physics, or Astronomy - 3 science courses. Why? To be "well-rounded." "For your own edificatoin." Old-fashioned, wasn't it?

In other words, to graduate you had to have a smattering of the knowledge that makes a person "educated" -- science, history, English literature, 3 years of a second language, psychology, math, biology, philosophy. There were "distribution" requirements. along with the requirements for your particular major. Why? The stated goal of education at that college was that students learn how to think, and broadly. This is what the TIME article is getting at.

This is about culture, because culture is learned, and different peoples and different countries and regions have their own culture. Culture happens to be a part of Emotional Intelligence. As far as I know, my EQ Course is the only one that intentionally incorporates culture into it (art, poetry, literature, opera, music) and why it is rated #1. The EQ Coach Certification program is rated the #1 EQ coach certification program.

More than that, there's a reason why operas are never translated into English. It doesn't work. The Italian libretto is as much a part of what makes Verdi's operas great, as his genius at music. The libretto for the incredible Otello was written by Arrigo Boito, and sets up the 'themes' Verdi set to music, that carry the plot. "Otello is a masterpiece," said Toscanini. "Go on your knees, Mother, and say 'Viva Verdi'." Now, do you know what "Viva Verdi" means??

I work globally, and I am constantly embarassed. EVERY PERSON I talk to -- from Malaysia, from India, from Germany, from the Phillipines, from Beijing, from Poland (and I have trained coaches from all these countries and many more), not only knows English, they know our time zones, they know our metric system, they know our literature, they know our music, our sports figures and movie stars, our religions, our holidays, and our cultural traditions. (I must use analogies to teach.) They know to wish me "Merry Christmas" and I don't know what their holidays are, much less what their names are. But I'm learning.

Travel also used to be part of the classical education, but not for everyone; nor was college. It was only for the wealthy. It used to be elitist to know another language, and to have traveled abroad. Maybe that's the way to get our schools to keep it. Make people think they're LUCKY to get to learn a second language. They are, you know.

Not only do you finally understand your own grammar, you learn fascinating things about other languages, and along with that comes "inside" knowledge about their culture.

For instance, in German, they hold the verb until the end of the sentence. What does that tell you about their the German mind, the German culture?

In Spanish, they have an "am now" to-be verb, and an "am always" to-be verb. In English we can only say "He's an idiot." Now? Always? Forever? The Spanish see such a difference, they have a special verb for it. They also do not assign "fault" for something. Their grammatical construction is "the glass broke". You cannot say, in Spanish, "Tom broke the glass." What does that tell you about their culture?

In Chinese, there is no way to say "no." How about that in negotiating? When does "yes" or "maybe" mean "no"? What do you now know about the Chinese?

When you study another language, you learn the "roots" of many of our words, because most of them came from German, Greek or Latin. That is also why we have synonyms, and why in the law everything comes in pairs -- aid and abet, will and testament -- early writers weren't sure the readers would understand the French or Latin, so, according to David Crystal in The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Language, they included their term, the Anglo-Saxon, along with the "foreign" term.

If you had studies another language , you would know, when you got to law school, what all those legal terms actually mean, like res ipse loquitur and duces tecum and subpoena.

When you got to medical school, you would have an edge on all those medical terms from Greek and Latin, like achondroplasia and adenocarcinoma and alimentary. There is a course at Indiana Univ. called Medical Terms from Greek and Latin.

And when you got to divinity school, you would have read the Bible in the original Greek or Hebrew.

When you study Marie Antoinette, you know that the French word for "cake" is their word for "bread" (like many cultures - which you learn if you study their LANGUAGE - do not have sweets for dessert) and, the way translations go, and the way word-of-mouth goes, she may have said "Give them bread to eat" instead of "Let them eat cake." We had a classic example of such mistranslation in the 50s. Kruschev did not say "We will bury them," the translator blew it. What he said was more like, "We'll be here long after they're gone." The difference between assertive and aggressive.

Good grief!

I have to add here, since I study neuroscience, emotional intelligence and multiple intelligences, learning a language isn't really about IQ. At some level, it's a skill. That Pope that spoke 10 languages? He may or may not have had a high IQ. What he did have was a facility with languages, an opportunity to learn them, and an appreciation of the need to.

Some people have a really hard time with pronunciation and fluency. The "language center", what allows you to be truly fluent in another language, solidifies at puberty - so let's teach them when they're young. Kids learn it easily. After all, we forget that no one's born knowing English.

I admit to bias. I took 4 years of Latin in high school and 3 years of French. In college, I took 4 years of Greek. (Yes, Chettie, I hope there's no Greek in heaven.) After college I moved to San Antonio, TX and I heard people speaking Spanish and jumped at the chance to learn a language I would actually get to speak. I learned it as an adult and am fluent in Spanish. Lately I got interested in opera and am learning Italian. I'm -- as they say -- a polyglot.

It's been fun. I want to get fluent in Italian. A friend of mine learned German and Russian when she was in her late 50's. We traveled together in Russia, and was she getting more out of it? Yes. She had read Russian novels. She knew their history and much more about their culture than I did. To learn a language, you are always learning about the country/culture itself. When you get to the higher levels, you're reading their great literature in the original.

Dr. Gonzo replied to the blog with this:

"Students shouldn't learn a second language? What an asinine statement. I think that all students should be required to learn a language other than English, and it should start at an early age. Learning foreign languages not only taught me the language, it also greatly improved my English skills as well. Nothing helps you think about grammar in English than having to think about grammar in a foreign language. [emphasis mine] And nothing need "be taken off the list" to require students to learn a foreign language. It's about raising expectations. Lots of people can do it: you know, the rest of the world. If students in just about every other country than the U.S. can speak multiple languages, score higher in math and science, and so on, then students in the U.S. can too. We just need to demand that they do."

To which Michael van der Galien replies:

"Gonzo: I agree completely.
In the netherlands, on high school, higher levels (VWO and Gymnasium):

- Dutch
- English
- German
- French

(That's FOUR languages REQUIRED, folks.)

Want to get ahead? Take THE EQ COURSE. It's for sure Emotional Intelligence should be required, and is not yet a household word. EQ can matter more to your success than IQ, and it can be learned. Get it now! Then you can teach it to your kids at home, and the thing to remember is this - you are teaching emotional intelligence whether you now it or not, so make sure you're teaching GOOD emotional intelligence.

P.S. Charm and street-smart, yes that's Emotional Intelligence. Charm - or etiquette / manners. How else are you going to handle the multicultural environment where we're always stepping on each other's toes because we don't know better?
Learn it!
And learn another language. You'll be glad you did.

Monday, December 11, 2006

How to Build a Student for the 21st Century ... Emotional Intelligence

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE U. S. EDUCATION SYSTEM? It doesn't teach Emotional Intelligence says Times cover story (12.10.06) summarized on CNN HERE.
Developing good people skills, EQ, or emotional intelligence, is as important as IQ for success in today's workplace. "Most innovations today involve large teams of people," says former Lockheed Martin CEO Norman Augustine. "We have to emphasize communication skills, the ability to work in teams and with people from different cultures."

The article is not about "the national conversation on education [that] has focused on reading scores, math tests and closing the 'achievement gap' between social classes [for the past give years]. . . [It] is a story about the big public conversation the nation is not having about education, the one that will ultimately determine not merely whether some fraction of our children get 'left behin' but also whether an entire generation of kids will fail to make the grade in the global economy because they can't think their way through abstract problems, work in teams, distinguish good information from bad or speak a language other than English."

To read the complete article, go HERE.

READ AND HEED: THE SON OF SCROOGE, the review in The Observer calls this new book about Andrew Mellon.

"David Cannadine's account of this 'hollow man', a 'dried-up dollar bill that the wind might whisk away', is, paradoxically, mesmerising," says the review.

The book tells how he lived with his ageing parents into his forties, eating mush for dinner, and then catapulted into a predicatbly disastrous marriage to a beautiful 19 year old.

"Frustrated by flesh-and-blood relationship," it continues, "[Mellon] also began to collect the paintings that would fill his bequest to the nation: the National Gallery. . . [His] favourties were the 18th century portraits of women he described as his 'English beauties.' 'I am surrounded by nice people here,' he told a visitor to his portrait-lined Washington apartment."

"...with its brilliantly-drawn catalogue of moral flaws, missed opportunities, snarled relationships and ruined lives ... it is an American tragedy.

Read the complete book review here. Order the book

Friday, December 08, 2006

Dear Santa, please get my parents to calm down.

Dear Santa,

Please get my parents to calm down and quit fighting. They're yelling at me for no reason. I thought it was supposed to be a happy time. Please help.
Love, [Your Child?]


I serve as Step-Parenting Expert for a major website, and the emails for advice are pouring in. The phone is also ringing off the hook on the coaching side, as Christmas nears. It's a time a lot of people have begun to dread.

If you're overwhelmed, give me a call. Give yourself a break -- a coaching break. Special for the season - $50 per call.

It's really hard on the kids when their parents are getting spaced out, frantic, impatient, short-tempered, and so forth. You owe it to yourself, your family and your co-workers to get yourself "under management." It's a shame to be having such an awful time when it's supposed to be a happy time. This really confuses kids! The Christmas breaks will be here soon, and they'll be out of school, so get proactive. Give me a call.

I have lots of tips, and lots of experience. I also have blocked off lots of time. So give me a call. (817) 741-7223. You can email before to make sure and set a time just for you. .

Why not learn some ways to get this Christmas thing more manageable and enjoyable? That's what emotional intelligence is all about and it can be learned. Good news! There's help.

Check out my article, HOW TO LEARN WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IN ORDER TO SUCCEED, on the Reading Skills Blog.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Christmas at Arlington


Christmas at Arlington
The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Christmas at Arlington ... Christmas at Arlington ... Christmas at Arlington

It''s making the round by email, so I don't know whom to attribute this to, but it was sent to me by Dr. John Alifano, a veteran of Vietnam.


Rest easy, sleep well my brothers
Know the line has held,
Your job is done.

Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell,
the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell.

According to the email I received, the wreaths 5,000 of them, are donated each year by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992.

Most years, a group of Maine school children combine an educational trip to D. C. with this event to help out.

Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.

Please share this with everyone on your address list. You hear too much about the bad things people do. Everyone should hear about this!

I agree!

P.S. This is a true question -- aren't there some sisters buried there as well?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Americans Should Show More Emotional Intelligence in Iraq?

Is this the clueless listening to the clueless?

"As we Americans plan our strategy for Iraq, let's show more emotional intelligence." This is the subtitle of Op-Ed Columnist Nicholas D. Kristof (New York Times) article "Cut and Walk" published December 5, 2006. It is available HERE if you are a subscriber, which I am not.

The blogs are hastening to address this comment and article.

On NewsBusters: Exposing and Combating Liberal Media Bias, Mark Finkelstein says Kristof's column reads like "something that might have been written by warm 'n fuzzy Stuart Smalley, the SNL character Al Franken hilariously immortalized before deciding he had serious things to say. "

I agree with one of the commentators to Finkelstein's blog - I'm not going to pay to read the article, which is pay-per-view. But I want to comment on the comments, in the defense of Emotional Intelligence. It should not in any way be linked to Stuart Smalley. Though it's a common misconception, to segue into that, no matter what Kristof said, is misleading.

It is a common misconception, by those who have not studied the field of Emotional Intelligence that it's about "touchy feely."

What's touchy-feely about a manager losing his temper, slugging an employee and bringing on a lawsuit?

What's Stuart Smalley about a CEO being so depressed about his divorce that he's out drinking all night and carousing, and unable to pay attention to the bottom-line?

Is there something "weak" about a person who is so out of touch with their gut feeling that they continually make precisely the wrong move in every sensitive situation?

Is there something to laugh about when a nuclear engineer whose IQ is 170 is so out-of-touch with the real world, she fails to notice a hiss and change in temperature that would have warned her to get everyone out before the place blew up? (I coached a consultant in the UK who works with people who work in dangerous fields to get them in touch with their EQ - the only thing that can keep them safe. )

And there's nothing group-hug about getting someone under control who can't control the feeling of lust and thereby jeopardizes your corporation with his continual sexual harassment, about which he is "clueless."

Again, I don't know how Kristof applied Emotional Intelligence in re: Iraq, but I don't like to see the field of Emotional Intelligence cast in this sort of disparaging light.

Note that I did not read Kristof's article and so I do not critique it. If you haven't studied Emotional Intelligence, should you be critiqueing it? There's a distinction between criticizing the field of Emotional Intelligence, and criticizing how Kristop uses the term and what he writes in his article.

And knowing that difference if part of what Emotional Intelligence is all about.

Here 's a place where you can read about it: .
Read my article on BuildYourOwnBusiness - "How Managers Use Emotional Intelligence Like Map Coordinates".

Art used by permission, .

Monday, December 04, 2006

Christmas: The Gift of Simplicity with Emotional Intelligence

The Best Christmas Gift You Can Give: Simplicity


On her blog for Virtual Assistants from Prescott, Arizona, she writes:

The holidays are here and for many, chaos has ensued. Before you know it, your personal to do list has spilled over into your work list, you give up your fitness routine to make another online shopping foray or social engagement, you lose focus and whoa! You’re out of control!

It’s not too late to regain control, though. All you have to do is rethink what you’re doing for a moment. Breathe. Then, revert to simplicity.

Part organizational approach and part life philosophy, simplification is a tactic you can use in any aspect of your work or personal life when you’re teetering toward a meltdown.
Susan Dunn has a great article posted on called “The Best Christmas Gift You Can Give: Simplicity.”

Whether you are a person who observes Christmas or not, you surely face some overload challenges at certain times of the year. Susan dissects such drains as a “cluttered social calendar, “rescuing mentality,” “disposable gifts,” and people who have become, unfortunately, your “tolerations.”

Start your simplicity plan today, with help from Susan!
Check out the article. I hope you'll find it helpful.

And bolster your immune system. Start NOW. Order DefenseBuilder from MyArbonne. Technologically-advanced formula scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system. Emotional Intelligence: it starts and ends with your HEALTH.
Susan Dunn is an independent Arbonne consultant.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Christmas with Emotional Intelligence

It used to be the 3 of you against the world...................what happened?

You love them. Now learn how to get along with them for the holidays.

Take the How to Handle Difficult People course. Internet,unltd email. $79.99. Could be the best money you ever spent.


Imagine way back when in the time of myth, when there was no written history, people didn't live to count the passing of many seasons, and there wasn't much sense of "history" or "time." The Greeks invented the myth of Apollo drawing the sun across the sky each day so they could manage their fears that the each night the sun would disappear and never come back. They were dependent on the sun for everything and they went through this every day.

They invented the myth of Persephone to deal with the seasons. When winter came, and the days grew dark and cold, and all the vegetation died, on which their lives depended, there weren't that many people around who'd lived through enough seasons to be able to guarantee the winter wouldn't last goever. Persephone went down to Hades each fall, symbolizing this, and then would return to the land in the spring - and the world would rejoice with sun, warmth and new growth -- for food.

In this season as we gather to wait
in the darkness of winter nights
for Light to come,
may our hearts be filled with joy and promise.

We gather together at this time of the year, the Winter Solstice, and there is a holiday at this time of year for most cultures. Why? So we could gather with our kinfolk and relatives at Christmas and warm our toes at their fire.

If it's gotten a bit cold and dark for you, take the How to Handle Difficult People course and bring back the glow.

Learn how to stop the MADness. Harmful patterns in families run deep last a long time, and can be intensely annoying - unless someone quits doing what they've been doing. Then the whole system has to change.

Why not let it be you? GET YOURSELF MERRIED THIS YEAR.

Click here to register and pay for this interactive Internet course. ___________________________________________________________

Relationship Coaching with Susan Dunn

Attract the man of your dreams . Get him back. Get him to marry you instead of ... to schedule your coaching or call (817) 741-7223.
Susan is the "Attract the Man of Your Dreams" Expert for, and also the Step-Parenting Expert. We've got you covered! Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Arbonne Holiday Party

Hey, rest those weary feet of yours, and do your holiday shopping the easy way.

Today is the day! If you live in the San Diego area, come to the ARBONNE HOLIDAY GIFT SHOW.

WHEN: Friday, December 1, from 4-9 p.m.
WHERE: April's house in La Mesa
WHO: Your hostesses are Nancy Fenn and April Mills
WHAT: Refreshments, good company, and good cheer plus lots of great gift ideas for your boss, secretary, stepmother, nieces and nephews, your nail and spa friends, co-workers, boyfriend, husband, and more!

There will be wrapped packages to choose from
as well as individual items for you to test and discover. The Pampermint foot pampering set is a great idea for just about anyone. Especially if they're on their feet all day! Place your order and relax.

For directions,
Hey! Babies have tootsies too!

Do you have a baby on your shopping list? Well, chances are they already have enough clothes and toys, so how about Arbonne's Baby Products. Safe and pure. Their mom will really appreciate the care you show. Baby's health is very important and what you put on your skin is absorbed into the blood stream. Help get that little one off to a good start.

Arbonne products have pure, natural ingredients, and are safe to use. Cosmetics, lotions, supplements, baby products, products for men, and more.

How to Write

What ABOUT the heart? What ABOUT emotion?

From the blog ... in response to how to write, we get a good deal of Emotional Intelligence tips.

Writes Sam:

I've been reading a biography of Audrey Hepburn. And one thing she said struck me as very true. She said that in portraying Anne Frank on stage, "I act the same way now as I did forty years ago...with feeling instead of technique. All my life I've been in situations where I've had no technique, but if you FEEL enough you can get away with murder."

There are so many books that teach story telling technique, but what about heart, what about emotion? Where do you find it?

Well you find it by looking inside. Knowing people is knowing emotions. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. Without it, there can be no Emotional Intelligence.

Sam answers his own question:

One answer is contained in my second paragraph ... I firmly believe that screenwriters should try to learn as much about people (and themselves) as possible. Through biographies (not the the cheesy, tabloid kind) you can learn about the motivations of people who lived exceptional lives. You can learn about the experiences and forces that shaped them and their decisions.

Yes, definitely not the cheesy, tabloid kind. Great literature. Read the hard stuff.

Start with Shakespeare. Try "Othello" and then see Verdi's opera, "Otello." It is the study of a man who cannot control his anger and jealousy. He is therefore easy prey. He trusts whom he shouldn't, and he doesn't trust whom he should. He flips out and doesn't check things out rationally, with his neocortex.

His enemy Iago wants him dead, and all he has to do is wind Othello up, push the button and watch him self-destruct. It's so easy. Otello is so predictable. It is so tragic. The ultimate in self-sabotage. Want to find the heart, the emotion? Listen to Mario Lanza sing Otello's final aria, Niun Mi Tema ... which he sings to his wife, whom he has just killed (it ends with un bacio, un bacio ancora ... un altra bacio ... (a kiss, another kiss, a last kiss), just before he plunges a knife into his own heart. (Verdi at his best!) If you cannot access this video, go here: .

Freud said what he knew about human nature, he got from Shakespeare. So it might be a good start, and also a place where you never finish!
Shop with me safely online at MyArbonne for safe, pure supplements, cosmetics, products for men, baby products, lotions, and more. Great for gifts.
Order some DefenseBuilder for yourself, and get your immune system in shape for the stress of the holidays, and winter. It's the cold and flu season, but not for you!
Did you read the report that showed that the average office telephone has more germs on it than the average office bathroom toilet seat? (ug)