Wednesday, March 26, 2008
This is one reason why emotional intelligence is so important to study and learn about.
In their Book, First, Break All The Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, Buckingham and Coffman list twelve important questions to ask employees - or to ask yourself, an the employee - and one of them is: DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND AT WORK?
So many people wrote me to question this, and were confused about it, like it wasn't a Good Thing - or perhaps even possible....??
When I think back on my own earlier work experiences as an employee, the jobs that do stand out as the most pleasurable, and also the most productive (and I would postulate that the two go together!) were when I did have a best friend at work.
I think it has to do with the office or corporate culture. Enjoying the people you work with is conducive to optimal performance. This is particularly important in today's Information Culture.
Tell me what you think about this! firstname.lastname@example.org.
And have you taken Buckingham's StrengthsFinder assessment. I think it's one of the best ones out there. Email me for information, and let me interpret the results for you. It's very helpful in honing in on what you are naturally best at.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
From the Fort Worth newspaper the other day - the TSA is planning to five screeners "more latitude to use their instincts and experience to ID terrorists, and get away from the by-the-numbers mentality used to create the TSA."
More from the article:
- They want to concentrate on looking for passengers who act out of the ordinary
- Said Hawley, administrator of the TSA: "We have seen more images, more people, more shoes than anybody." He told screeners, "You know what normal looks like."
- They plan to vet passengers' reactions and intent, not just search for banned items
Intuition, aka gut instinct and gut feeling, is an important emotional intelligence, lifeskill as you can see.
There's always a flip side. If you want to know how to behave more "normal" at the airport, so you don't get singled out, email me for my new ebook on nonverbal behavior. No doubt they will single out people who look and act nervous, and you can learn more about that. Performers, speakers, teachers all practice looking "at ease".
Saturday, March 22, 2008
For Good Friday, some beautiful thoughts and writing, about authenticity, and the hard times in life, from the above.
"Any authenticity that we are going to have as persons of faith and any authority that we are going to have as witnesses to the gospel of Jesus Christ will come because of our exposure to bruises and scars. There is no other way to authenticity. There is a certain counterfeit pose that one may maintain, but as to an entrance into the full, the true authority, into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, that comes by exposure and by wounds. There is no other way. If one looks back at those who have deeply affected their generation, the discovery will be made that almost without exception they did it against some minus, some ache, some pain in their own lives ...
At some time, who can say when, there will be a crown of thorns pressed down upon your head. It may be some private anguish. It may be some profoundly disturbing condition in your own family. One annot detail the direction whence the affliction will come, but when it does, you will have every right to rail against it and to cry out against that kind of providence, even to argue with God, to withstand him to the face ...
But do one other thing. Take it. Accept. For was it not our Lord's word that the cup he looked into, the awful agony which waited for him, did not come from unfriendly hands: "The cup which my Father hath given, shall I not drink of it?"
I promise you this, if you can take whatever deep hurt that occurs in your life and hold it up before God and say to him, even in bitterness, of this which you despise and this which you hate, "If there is anything you can do with it, take, and use it," I promise you, you will be utterly amazed at what will occur,"
- Gardner C. Taylor,
sermon delivered February 1, 1978. A Charlie Rose interview can be seen with him here.
Keep these words for some time when they might be needed.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
There was a small epiphany in church last week when we sang the recessional “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded,” a German chorale in which we basses must jump around more limberly than we may be used to. A tough part compared to “When the Roll Is Called up Yonder” and I stood in the rear and struggled with it and then
as the choir recessed down the main aisle and came up and stood in the side aisles, three basses wound up standing near me, like border collies alongside the lost sheep, and I got myself in their draft and we sang our way to the barn. (Moral: get with the group — just make sure it’s the right one.)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
“While Ray was achieving greatness, he simultaneously taught the rest of us with a kind, measured demeanor. Few men posses such rare abilities and fewer still choose to employ them.” - - Jim Reynolds, American Bakeries Company
“Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the Commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized.”
— A. A. Sommer, Jr.
Ray Garrett, Jr. had four children; Me (Susan Dunn), Nancy Worcester, Anne Norloff and Richard Garrett. He has eight grandchildren and two great grandchildren.
A WAY TO HONOR RAY GARRETT, JR. and his personal and professional contributions to our lives.
MR. BOOKEY: “The other thing that hasn’t quite been mentioned — the real privilege I had, we had — all of us, we had what was called “The Dream Commission.”
“And The Dream Commission was when Ray Garrett was the chairman, and Irv was on the Commission, and Phil Loomis, and Al Sommer and John Evans, and they were the best. The absolute best. Stanley was the director. And they were smart. They were aggressive. They were energetic. It was leadership, and we loved it.
“And looking back, that was the prime time, folks. That was the prime time.”
Let's make it a date to remember.
Contact email@example.com for more information.
Monday, March 17, 2008
The analysis of Spitzer continues. According to "Alpha males behaving badly," by Clarence Page:
"... one of the legions of family therapists who have been called into action by journalists and talk shows in a post- Spitzer surge, told me that the answer boils down simply to this: “It’s in the limbic system.” Eh? That’s the pleasure center in the brain, she said, it handles “motor skills and primitive impulses.” Oh. In other words, the intelligent, angelic part of the brain that tells you, “No, no, this is wrong, you’ll never get away with it,” is completely overwhelmed by the devilish part that says, “C’mon! You can do it! You’re superman. You’re the expert on catching people who do this. You also know how to avoid getting caught!”
(Read the full article here.)
This is how I would explain this sort of thing. The sex impulse is actually in the reptilian) primitive brain - survival instinct. It is basic, an instinct. It is a "meaning-less" reaction. Yes, the limbic brain is about pleasure but it's where parenting, for instance, resides, and emotional bonding. Spitzer's behavior had nothing to do with emotional bonding. In fact, it would more likely endanger his bond with his wife and children. The neocortex is command central, where we go to think things through. It can be considered the crowning achievement of humans, homo sapiens ("sapiens" means thinking); that is, if it used. But again, it must function well in conjunction with the other 2 brains.
Conflicts can often be described by the operations of the 3 brains, the primitive brain being the strongest, of course, because it has to do with survival. I often use the example of a man experiencing lust (primitive), then going 'up' to the limbic, where he cares about his relationships, feels emotions rather than "instincts" and then 'up' further to the neocortex, where he THINKS, and realizes the action could endanger his marriage, career, etc. and, in Spitzer's case, his health and those of others as well. In other words, that it would be a stupid thing to do.
Empathy could also be placed in the limbic brain. Page says the part that would tell him “No, no, this is wrong, you’ll never get away with it,” -- I would add, and it also tells you, "And this would hurt my wife and family, hurt their feelings. The real $4,000 question here is, sadly, how will he ever regain the trust and respect of his wife and daughters.
Like Shakepeare's Othello, and Verdi's Otello, this man's entire life has been impacted - career and personal life. What is is about a man who "has the world at his feet" that makes him bring himself down, pare himself down to the human scale?
See my video on Otello"
So why do intelligent people do such stupid things? That's a large part of why the field of emotional intelligence developed. We see it often, and Spitzer is a prime example. Obviously the man's got a high IQ. But where is his EQ (emotional intelligence quotient)?
There is reptilian "pleasure"*, and also limbic (the extreme, enduring pleasure we get with our children and friends; our emotional connection to others), and also neocortex (for some of us, thinking philosophical thoughts, or analyzing someone's behavior :-) or solving a problem, are as pleasurable as it gets. And the neocortex is what separates us from the animals. We share the limbic brain with mammals.
It is a shame when we see our "alpha males" fail. It's a shame when we see anyone falter, but the "alpha male" does it in public. It is in the public eyes. Children can't help but hear or see about it. It seems such a waste, and, like the death of a parent reminds us of our immortality, their flaws, poor judgment and irresponsibility remind us of our own.
There is also the concept of noblesse oblige ... that we expect more from our leaders and high-up officials. It is one thing when your neighbor down the street does something like this. Quite another when it's a president, to take the Clinton example a la Day's article.
Why would Clinton do what he did, in the presidential position he was in? Why did Spitzer?
We are always interested in the WHY, because that's how we learn. If you'd like to learn more about the WHYs of life, I invite you to take THE EQ COURSE. With or without accompanying personal coaching, it is an enlightening experience. It's about the interface among the brains, how our brain and emotions work, and how to make your life work better -- and ultimately our health. We all have, and must deal with three "brains." The better we manage this juggling act, the better our chances for enduring success and happiness.
*Pleasure? A district attorney, accused of exposing himself to a 16 year old girl, told the judge: "I was under a lot of stress. It was tension release."
Niun mi tema (from Verdi's Otello) - no one need fear me any more
Of course the line "You cain't stop what's comin'" is good, but maybe because I'm a coach, this is my favorite line:
"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."A good reminder to stay in the present, to move ahead, to come to some resolution about losses, and that "there is life after ...". An ending/loss can be seen as a transition. Some are monumental, and even then, we find that life goes on. I have seen people get stuck in the stage of the loss, and then 'more does go out the door.' It matters how you are able to handle the losses, disappointments and failures in life. I enjoy coaching people to minimize that sort of thing.
Clip from movie NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN:
The subplot, if you will, is about the effect the changing times are having on the sheriff, played by Tommie Lee Jones.
Does it? Is it a choice? What is "the tourniquet" for the slings and arrows of fortune?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
For instance, just consider what it would be like to be tuning in to your feelings all day long ... you probably are not used to that, and it would cause some jolts in your day. For instance, consider if you were dissatisfied with the performance of an employee and it made you angry. If you default mode has been to just yell at the person, and instead, you stop and think about different responses you could make, different alternatives, your procedure will be slower.
It could however, be far more productive in the end.
Most of the tenets of emotional intelligence, once you have learned about them and practised them will become nearly automatic, and things will move faster and more smoothly.
Any transformation takes time, and also there is a period of two steps forward and three steps back.
I invite you to give it a try!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Ray Garrett, Jr. was Chairman of the SEC at a time when, in the words of Joel Seligman, "...in my view, may have been the most consequential post-World War II period in United States securities laws. Among that SEC's several achievements was the enactment of the 1975 Securities Acts Amendments, which unfixed brokerage commission rates and attempted to facilitate a new national securities market system."
"Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the Commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized." -- A. A. Sommer, Jr. (fellow SEC commissioner)
From Ray Garrett:
"I would rather find ways to make it attractive and profitable for people to do good things, rather than compel them and hit them over the head and make them do it. One gets better results by harnessing natural human instincts to lead people in the right directions, as against forcing them." [Ray Garrett, Jr., The Institutional Investor, March 1974]
Who could you say this about? You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized. Could you say this about the boss you work for? If you're the boss or senior partner, would your colleagues and employees say this about you?
To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, take THE EQ PROGRAM. Email me for information - firstname.lastname@example.org .
Thursday, March 13, 2008
"You were a godsend to me when I was so desperate, giving me access to your full EQ program, which was a major contributer to my recovery from depression ... I genuinely benifited from your EQ course, as it helped me to understand fundemental things about how I 'tick' and allowed me to learn to separate my feelings from my responses as a prime example. Chemicals certainly had something to do with the cycle ... but ultimately as you say, EQ development is a lifeskill to get you through all kinds ofcircumstances and I firmly believe having learned so much, that most psychology patients would be better served doing [this]course before ever visiting a shrink, as in many cases their only problem is a low EQ." --Mike Maliepaard
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
According to article on bloomberg.com - go here for full article.
``It's another instance in which a very smart, very powerful man brings himself down through his own hubris,'' said William Cunningham, a political consultant who worked on the senior staffs of former Democratic New York Governors Hugh Carey and Mario Cuomo. ``We have seen it with Richard Nixon, we've seen it with Bill Clinton, very successful people who think they have their own set of rules, and self-inflict their own wounds.''
Good time to learn more about emotional intelligence? Take THE EQ COURSE. Email me at email@example.com for more information. The current demand is overloading my email capacity, so please keep trying until your email gets through. I'm adding more amp as we speak.
HUBRIS - another word for self-sabotage, and lack of self-awareness.
If you don't know the meaning and roots of the word hubris ask me about my mythology course. There are some words that simply stand for all time.
A man known for his ethics takes a predictable tumble - or is tumbled. There's lots in this we just don't want to acknowledge or think about.
If you live in the same world I do, there is a noticeable silence re: what has happened with Spitzer. Who wants to talk ... there is danger all around.
This is reptilian or primitive brain territory - the strongest pull in our lives there is. It governs survival, which includes sex and aggression. Surely powerful people went after this powerful person who went after powerful people. And surely he would trip up in the primitive brain area ...
It's loaded with stuff we just don't like to think about. Aggression. Retribution. Violence (which is at its worse, actually, when it is not physical.) This reminds me of the tragedy of Otello (see my thing on youtube about this) - that's the Italian spelling, for Verdi's opera. Iago decided to do Otello in, and at the end of the play/opera, what do we have? A man with no professional nor personal life left. Attributable to his own hand, no one else's.
As Jung would say, it's best to get to know your "shadow" side because the reptilian brain LURKS in all of us. If you don't familiarize yourself with it, it does more than LURK
Take my EQ course and learn more about this. This is probably the highest-LEVEL EQ course out there. Many call it "the missing piece."
Or call for EQ coaching.
email: firstname.lastname@example.org and 817-741-7223.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Thought you might find this of interest
A WRU delegation flew to Auckland to meet Gatland little more than a week after Jenkins's sacking. "I had only been in his company a few minutes when I realised he was a unique individual," said the union's chief executive, Roger Lewis. "The perception is that he is hard and driven, which he is with his winning mentality, but he is also sensitive. He has incredibly high emotional intelligence, an awareness of people and situations. Sacking Gareth Jenkins so quickly was a brutal necessity: it was tough on a man I like, but we had to send out an unambiguous message that we had to change."
How to achieve that balance is the juggling act. :-)
For the full article, go here: http://sport.guardian.co.uk/sixnations2008/story/0,,2263583,00.html
To increase YOUR emotional intelligence, and sensitivity and awareness fo people and situations, contact me about the highly acclaimed EQ COURSE. I have trained people worldwide. I train and certify EQ coaches, so come learn from the teacher. Email me at email@example.com .
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Meet the Bosses Who Could Win the ‘Awful"
By Alan L. Rupe
When bad boss behavior occurs, it generally happens in an atmosphere in which the law is ignored, company policy is ignored and the line separating good business practices from boorish conduct—and often unlawful conduct—is crossed. A dose of stupidity, mixed with a larger dose of arrogance—that’s the formula for winning an Awful Award.
To read the article, go to www.workplace.com .
A good working definition of low emotional intelligence is "a dose of stupidity mixed with a larger dose of arrogance." It's the arrogance that keeps the person from realizing they're acting stupid, i.e., doing things that don't work, that alienate other people, and that eventually can sabotage one's career.
If you'd like to learn more, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for my various effective, efficient and outstanding Emotional Intelligence programs - there's one to fit your needs. Just ask me.