Sunday, October 24, 2010

Marriage ... Myths ...

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This is such a nice little article. What goes around comes around!
The institution of marriage is surrounded by a number of myths,stories and advice freely offered by people on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, many people listen to and believe these pieces of so-called wisdom to the point where it doesn't help their marriage and it only hinders its growth.

Many of the myths regarding relationships are incredibly damaging and it is unfortunate that they are such common beliefs. Once you understand why certain bits of advice or information can be regarded as myths, you can break through what could be blocking the growth of your marriage.

In fact, you may actually learn to appreciate your spouse and your role in your marriage even more.

Sensationalist television, magazines and talk radio have been key players when it comes to fueling any belief that there is a battle between the sexes happening.

While there are definitively some physical and psychological differences, they are not enough to earn the term 'battle' as a description.

When you allow yourself to consider any kind of battle between the sexes, you risk grouping all men or all women into a certain category and that leads to Stereotyping.

Once you recognize that your partner is a unique individual with a number of positive attributes, you can shed the thought that there should be any type of conflict between the two of you.

Any thought of battle or conflict only leads to lack of communication, misunderstandings and discourages growth in any relationship.

Nice guys finish last is one of the worst possible sayings floating around today.

Whoever thought of that and actually uttered those words must have been feeling truly low and full of self-pity because there simply cannot be any other explanation. Nice guys never finish last.

They may have a longer and harder road sometimes, but it isn't often that you see the bullies and jerks finishing first. If they aren't, who is? It's the nice guys, but they are so nice and gracious you don't hear them bragging about it.

It is also important to note that the word 'nice' doesn't mean 'weak' or ' effeminate' in any way. Nice means socially or conventionally correct; refined or virtuous and not at all negative in any way.

Nice is not another word for push over or spineless. Nice is as close to a 'perfect' man as you can come and they always end up first in line.

Romance is all you need in order to save your relationship is a wonderfully optimistic thought, but not quite accurate.

If simple romance were enough to save a marriage, it would be running wonderfully rampant throughout the world today. Unfortunately, it takes more than simple romance.

If you truly feel love for your spouse and you are expressing it through romance, then it will save your marriage. If you are trying to use romance to buy some time or to placate your spouse, then you are only buying time or placating your spouse.

Your time as a married couple is most likely limited and should be attended to immediately by a professional.

About The Author: How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit:
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October is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month

Emotional Intelligence is my field and so this has been a special month for Susan Dunn, Emotional Intelligence Coach. Eq is often what makes or breaks your career and relationships, and your general sense of well-being about life. What's most important to know is that EQ is not set at any given point in life. It can always be learned and improved.

So I invite you to get started now during Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month. Call me for coaching at 817-734-1471. I have offices in Manassas, VA and Chevy Chse, MD. In addition to individual coaching (in-person or by telecommunication), I offer intensive seminars in the DC area and Dallas, TX area. You can email me at for more information.

I also train and certify Emotional Intelligence Coaches, and if there's now a month for its awareness, you know how important emotional intelligence has become.

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Art, Poetry, Music, Emotional Intelligence and The Good Life

Refuse to Live Your Life Without Art, Poetry and Music
Q: Why should an Internet course in Emotional Intelligence include art, poetry and music? A: Because EQ involves understanding and being able to express your emotions, and art, poetry and music are the most suitable vehicles for this.

Art expresses emotions without words, and poetry, is, as someone said, "feelings through a crack pipe." While I haven't experienced anything through a crack pipe, I get the analogy, which is what poems, with their metaphors and analogies, are all about. It could also be said that good poetry 'disturbs.'

Music also goes where words can't. "Music is," said Ludwig van Beethoven, the dominant figure between the Classical and Romantic eras, who composed his Ninth Symphony when totally deaf, 'the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life.'

"Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman,' he said. To me, it has done both. I have turned to Beethoven's 'Eroica' for inspiration in hard times, and put on a John Philip Sousa march when I didn't want to do housework.

Yet it was Beethoven who also said, 'A great poet is the most precious jewel of a nation.'

Poetry is unusual in that it's "measured"; it has a rhythm and a form. This somehow both contains the intense emotion, and also expresses it. It's one of those paradoxical things.

We often turn to poetry at major transitions in our life ' when we fall in love, or out of love, or lose our love. Poetry seems the best vehicle, with it's eloquence, it's containment, it's ability to distill. The way the death of your child or the face of your beloved make you feel is beyond words, and so, in a paradoxical way, is poetry.

When my son died some years ago, at the age of 21,I started writing poetry, as I have at every turning point in my life. The words of Alfred Lord Tennyson reverberated in my mind:

But for the unquiet heart and brain A use in measured language lies; The sad mechanic exercise, Like dull narcoties numbing pain.

Tennyson's poem, 'In Memoriam,' ends with the famous lines: 'T is better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all,' which is what every parent struggling with the loss of a child must eventually reconcile.

Art, music and poetry are some of the ways we feel, learn about feeling, and express feelings. Indulge!

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach,, author of The EQ Foundation Course© on the Internet. EQ coaching to enhance all areas of your life - relatinoships, career, resiliency, leadership, positive psychology, optimism, balance. The Samuel Chester Dunn II EQ Memorial Foundation brings art, poetry and music to children who otherwise would not experience them. for free EQ ezines.

Author: Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology

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Saturday, October 09, 2010

The Dress Code: Handled with Emotional Intelligence

The Dress Code - more important now than ever, with the economy in the tank and jobs hard to come by -- and to keep. You can't afford to blow this one.

It strikes terror in the heart of some of us, while others ignore it completely. Some of us are relieved there is one; others of us resent it. The Dress Code: Does it affect your career, affect whether you're hired or not, affect how you're treated on the job? Definitely.

How do you 'manage' this particular area of your life? It requires emotional intelligence ' some awareness, creativity, flexibility and intuition, and a whole lot of common sense.

For instance, in former years I applied for a job at a major international law firm. At the interview, we were handed one sheet of instructions. The second item they chose to put on this piece of paper was, 'Since you have chosen to work in a conservative work environment...'

It went on to outline their strict dress code. Two of us were hired. The other one later complained to me about the dress code there. I maintain - she knew when she signed up, she agreed to it, she had no leg to stand on. If you like to work out certain, um, conflicts in your life via the dress code, that's your choice. Otherwise, here are some tips.


Believe what you read. Part of EQ is reality-testing. If you're a free spirit who likes to express herself through wardrobe and accessories, don't work for a conservative law firm. Being provocative is not emotionally intelligent.


There's the P&P manual, and then there's what really goes on. They don't always coincide. Once you're hired and working, EQ would suggest that you observe those around you and fit in. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'


·Start with neat and clean. No rumples, stains, frayed edges, hanging hemlines. Your clothes should look and smell clean and tidy. ·Make sure your clothes fit. ·Go easy on trends. A zebra-striped accent is okay. A total zebra look 'save it for a social occasion. ·Watch 'heaviness'. Don't load yourself down with big jewelry or weighty fabrics. ·Watch what you do around your face. You should 'set your face off,' not outshine it. ·Aim for a smooth look ' no underwear lines, for instance. ·Get the classics. The Little Black Dress really can get you everywhere ' wear the right 'tone' of jewelry depending on your skin tone ' pearls, gold, silver, it makes all the difference. Experiment. Black slacks and a white blouse (ivory, if you look sick in white, like I do) can take you anywhere. ·De-clutter. Less is more. ·Look at yourself in the mirror and see what you see. If you're applying for work at a business or corporation, err on the side of conservatism. If you work in an artistic field, you will, of course, have latitude. You likewise have some latitude if you're really good in a highly competitive filed. Though I might not go so far as my young friend and computer genius with the 4.0, who told me, 'I could show up for an interview with a bone in my nose and they'd hired me.'


Often a nightmare for managers. Have you seen that memo circulating the Internet that starts out 'Starting May 1 we will have Casual Day on Fridays', proceeds through 'dashikis, turbans, bikinis, and gold lame jumpsuits are not...' and ends with 'Casual Day has been canceled.'

Some companies use phrases like 'client dress code' and 'meeting dress code' to help the good-taste-challenged. If they don't, use your common sense, quintessential EQ. If there's a big meeting, or clients coming to the office, dress accordingly.


The other day a friend of mine (we live in TX) was heading for the D. C. area and asked for my advice re: wardrobe. I told her no florals, no bright colors...' She interrupted with 'How do YOU know?' Well, because I get around. I look around. I care.

My family moved every 2-3 years when I was growing up and in the summers I went to my grandmother's in a rural Texas town. I got tired of being made fun, so I learned to learn quick. 'Being made fun of' in the adult world can mean missing promotions, or being fired.

SO HOW TO FIND OUT MORE? ·People-watch. When you see someone well put-together, who looks really good, analyze why. Color? Fabric? Accessories or lack of them? ·People-ask. I can't think of anything more flattering than to be asked how I manage to look so good. Ask and you can learn theory. One thing you'll likely pick up, a la EQ, is that the person delights in dressing as they do. They're having fun. They're creative. Then remember, 'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.' ·Read magazines. Find some middle-of-the road magazine, something down-to-earth. Try 'Marie Claire.' It's a bit pricey but you can apply what you learn in a resale shop. FOR INSTANCE: They have 'The Best Jeans to Flatter Your Shape.' 'Great-fitting jeans are the ultimate wardrobe essential'and the hardest to find,' they say. I agree. The editors' pick for all figures happens to be $138, but I'd pay that just to see if they actually flattered me: . ·Watch tv shows with fashion in mind. Anchor people are good, too. ·Use the Internet. ·Watch who compliments you. One time I had on something I will not describe to you, and a teenaged boy with purple spikey hair and 5 earrings brushed past me in the store and said, 'Like, dude, cool outfit.' It went in the trash. What was I thinking? ·Work with a coach.

Like everything else, dressing appropriately and attractively can be learned, and it can make a difference in your life. The greatest accessory you can have is self-assurance. If you do your homework, you'll know you look right, and then you'll feel right. Personal Power!


About the author: ©Susan Dunn, M.A., Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach. Executive and individual coaching, EQ-culture programs for organizations, Internet courses on emotional intelligence. , and for FREE ezine, 'EQ in the Workplace.' Please put 'EQ' for subject line. Increase your EQ and everyone benefits.
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Friday, October 08, 2010

Old Farmer Aphorisms

Love these old farmer aphorisms and hope you do too. They have a lot of emotional intelligence to them
“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

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