Saturday, December 17, 2011

How to Ace the Office Christmas party


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OH NO! THE HOLIDAY OFFICE PARTY IS A SITDOWN DINNER!
Q: What's harder than knowing how to shine at the Christmas office party?
A: Knowing how to shine when it's a seated dinner.

The open-format Christmas office party is a piece of cake compared to a seated lunch or dinner. At a buffet-type function you can move around, which means you can disappear when you want to. You don't want to get caught hiding out in the ladies' room all night, but since you're free to move around, you can leave any person or group when you want, and even leave the room.

However, at the seated affair you are trapped. If it strikes fear in your heart, you aren't alone. Even for a pro, this isn't easy. Here are some tips:

IT ISN'T A PARTY

Never forget this. It may superficially appear different (new place, new people), but remember everything you say can and will be used against you.

You'll be seeing these people Monday morning. If you think it's hard to face a one-night stand after creeping out of her house in the middle of the night, wait till you have to face your boss Monday morning after getting sloppy drunk Saturday night and spilling your guts about some personal problem you can't handle. I mean how will (s)he expect you to be a competent Marketing Director when you were crying because your cat had died? I know the two things have nothing to do with one another, but your boss doesn't.

Think of the word "mortifying." No one needs to know about your hysterectomy, how well Viagra works for you, that your young wife left you, that you think the new manager stinks, or anything else about your personal life.

You simply are not free to say anything you want to.

FOLLOW THE LEADER

Once seated, you must watch the leader to know what to do. It can be the boss, or his or her spouse, whichever one is dominant. Watch what they're doing. Emily Post may say not to eat asparagus with your fingers, but if your boss' wife is, you really need to think about it. In most cases, I'd go ahead and do it along with her. If you don't, you're making a statement. It's that important what your boss and his or her partner do. Don't start to eat until they do. If they don't order dessert, you don't. Monkey see, monkey do.

CONVERSATION

General conversation while you're being seated will devolve into one conversation dominated by the boss at least for a while, often for the entire meal. Your job is to pay attention. If the boss, sometimes aided and abetted by a crony or colleague, starts in on a monologue, be an attentive audience. Look horrified if something bad happened, laugh if he tells a joke, maintain eye contact, be respectful. It can amount to a performance. It's almost always dominated by males.

FOOLS RUSH IN
There may be lulls in this monologue from the boss. Don't attempt to fill them if you're an amateur. Nowhere does the expression "fools rush in where angels fear to tread" apply more fully.

You don't know this side of your boss. You don't know her sense of humor, what annoys her, what her prejudices are, her religion, or any number of important things that you can step right into if you feel compelled to fill air time. Even the most innocent comment can get you in trouble because it's a very magnified situation - one person talking at a
time to the whole table. What you say will echo and reverberate, all the way to your next performance appraisal.

ETIQUETTE

Timing matters. No choice here. Arrive 15 minutes early and don't leave before everyone leaves.

Don't be the first to complain about anything. No matter how it appears to you, the company (boss) is putting on the affair, and criticisms will be taken personally. Don't send the meat back; don't complain about how hard the chairs are. You're a guest; be appreciative. Save face.

If the boss does complain about something, agree, but be milder about it. Never upstage. If he thinks the salmon is "atrocious," don't say, "I thought it was heavenly," or talk about a time when you got instantly ill with food poisoning over salmon one time. If he's got a big personality, he'll probably announce the salmon won't do and tell the waiter to take back everyone's. If it's more minor than that, say something like, "Yes, I think you're right, but isn't the risotto delicious?"

Conversation is the focus. Comments should never be made about what someone else is eating or isn't ("What's wrong Marcia? Don't you like the XX?") or doing. If someone knocks over their water glass, help them out surreptitiously, but keep the conversation going as if nothing had happened.

CROSS TALK

If the boss starts a conversation with the person on her side, you may do the same, but be prepared to cease if the boss takes the stage again.

Many people find this practice obnoxious, but the boss is "the presence," and it's their job to hold court. It's work and it's expected. Save any personal issues you may have about this for another time.

FISH BOWL

All of us know intuitively that the person who isn't nice to the waiter isn't a nice person at all. You are being watched.

BLEND

Match behaviors. Sedate, or rowdy, attempt to get with the spirit of the thing. Whatever personal idiosyncrasies you may have about food or spirits, keep it to yourself. No one wants to know that you're on a diet, lactose intolerant, in recovery, allergic to chocolate, or a vegan. Order or eat from what's available, without comment.

METALLIC? BLONG BLING?
What to wear? Office festive, which means a muted Christmas pin, scarf or tie, but don't be shouting "Christmas." Stay within the normal range for attire at your office adding only a 'nod' to the holidays. If you don't know the difference between "professional dress up" and "party attire," you're going to flunk. This is not a time for skins, latex, cleavage, a lot of hairy chest exposed, a jingle bell bracelet, or anything remotely approaching a "costume."

You may feel like Mrs. Santa or the Christmas Elf that night, but Monday morning you're going to be HR Director or Senior Accountant, and how can they respect you when they were staring at your exposed breasts across the table?

DON'T ENJOY YOURSELF
Sorry, it's one of the most stressful things you can go through. You are trapped for an hour or more of scrutiny, you have to think every moment, and you mustn't relax.

If you're new to this, observe others to know what to do, imitate the person you think is most savvy, and resist all urges to stand out in any way. There's nothing wrong with sitting there, smiling, and saying a little when spoken to. Observe with the intent of learning. Notice what goes over well and what doesn't, and make mental notes for the next time.

P.S. HOOK UP AFTERWARDS?

You gotta be kidding. You WORK with these people. The Holiday Office Party is 2nd only to New Year's Eve for doing something you'll seriously regret Monday morning around the water cooler.

Don't go there.

FOR INDIVIDUALIZED COACHING ON LIFE SKILLS, TRANSITION, EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, CAREER, PROFESSION, RETIREMENT, ETC. call me Susan Dunn at 1-817-734-1471. Reduced rates for the holidays for The EQ Course (tm) - just in time for your New Year's Resolutions. $99. email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and mention this offer.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Demographic Trends Predict Greater Need for EQ in Workplace

Demographic Trends Predict Greater need for EQ in Workplace
By: Susan Dunn

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, coaches individuals and executives in emotional intelligence, and offers workshops, presentations, trainings, Internet courses and ebooks. She is a regular presenter for the Royal Caribbean and Costa cruiselines. Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.

SUSAN DUNN ALSO TRAINS AND CERTIFIES COACHES IN ALL AREAS. Email her at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information on becoming a certified coach.

Demographic trends and experiential evidence build a strong case for getting emotional intelligence in your business right away if you want to retain good employees.

There is a demographic trend of which HR personnel, management, and CEOs need to be aware. According to trends analyst, Cheryl Russell, by the year 2005, the most common household in the US will be single-person households. "Never before in American history has living alone been the predominant lifestyle," says Russell, and the time is fast approaching.

According to the American Association for Single people (www.singlesrights.com/main.html), the 2000 UC Census reported that 82 million men and women in the United States are unmarried. This figure includes nearly 20 million adults who are divorced, 13.6 million who are widowed, and more than 48 million who have never married.

•More than 48% of all households in the nation are headed by unmarried individuals.
•About 40% of the workforce is unmarried.
•Approximately 36% of people who voted in the last national election were unmarried.
•About 27 million Americans live alone, while about 2 million adults live with an unmarried partner
The Census Bureau has projected that between the ages of 15 and 85, the average man and woman will experience more years being unmarried than they will being married. According to this data, a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone. If you define adults as those over 18, 44% of US adults - that's nearly half -- are singles.

At the same time, more Americans than ever are divorcing. The number of divorced men and women has more than quadrupled in the past 3 decades: 4.3 million to 18.3 million. According to one study, in all but the 55 to 64 age group, 30% or more of the population is single. Of the 18 to 24 age group, 85.9% are single. This is a very substantial change from a generation ago, and this is the group that will be coming your way!

The American Association for Single People (AASP) states its mission as follows: "Because government and corporate policies are often not fair to unmarried Americans, there is a need for an organization to be an advocate for this large and growing unmarried constituency - an advocate for equality and equity. The AASP has done extensive studies of census data and report the following trends:

Single Family households: 1960, 13.1%; 1980, 22.7%; 2000, 25.5%
Married Couples: 1960, 74.3%; 1980, 60.8%; 2000, 52.8%
Unmarried Adults 18+ 1970, 28.3%; 1980, 34.3%; 2000, 40.4%
Their projection for 2010 is that 47.2% of the adults over the age of 18 will be unmarried.

If we assume that this trend continues, and Cheryl Russell is not the only one who thinks it will, what will this mean to the workplace?

I'm going to make two points regarding these demographic trends, and then build a case for bringing emotional intelligence programs into the workplace, and I want you to follow my line of reasoning here.

First of all, there will be increasing pressure for economic, political and legal reforms to accommodate this shift to unmarried adults.

Secondly, it seems apparent that adults are going to be seeking more connection, more social contact, and more emotional expression at work - with nearly half of workers being single.

While living alone does not necessarily mean lonely, it does mean that whatever emotional needs were being met previously by marriage will not be met. It may mean wider social networks, with more expectations that these needs be met at work since most adults work at least 8 hours a day, sometimes many more hours. And those who are unmarried and live alone will, well, go home alone.

Those adults who live alone will have less emotional support and fewer outlets for emotional expression and meaningful contact outside of the workplace. We have already become aware that among the homeless population, a large number of single mothers rely upon a child for their major source of emotional support which is not adequate, and is not good for either the child or the mother.

And, meanwhile, what is the biggest problem for most employers today? Finding good workers and retaining them. In the same way that the workplace began, of necessity, to accommodate to the needs of dual-working couples, by providing flexible schedules and on-site daycare for instance, the smart company is going to begin thinking about what these demographics mean, and how to provide for what is going to be needed if they hope to attract and keep the best workers.

It seems to me that two forces are going to come together -- a continued need to secure and retain the best employees, and the growing number of single or unmarried adults in the workforce - and mandate bringing more emotional intelligence into the workplace.

And why the call for more emotional intelligence? We're already seeing an emphasis on what were formerly called "soft skills" because of the wisdom of experience. It has become evident in recent years, as downsizing, over-workload, information escalation and accelerated rate of change demand more and more teamwork and shared resources, that IQ, intellect, training, education and expertise are no longer sufficient alone.

The productive and valuable employee, the visionary leader, and the effective manager must also have those competencies which we call emotional intelligence, or EQ. They must be able to negotiate win-win situations, forge teams and work with them, share information, have, use and nurture interpersonal skills to forward projects, lead with integrity and intentionality, be able to handle constructive discontent, be adaptable and flexible in the face of chaotic change, be creative, and remain resilient.

Now let's pause for a moment to consider an example of how intellect and emotional intelligence work together optimally. If times are turbulent now, consider the late 1950s when the launch of Sputnik forced the US into the space race, already a day late and a dollar behind. Our IQ-EQ example will be William Pickering, known as "The Rocket Man". Less than 3 months after Sputnik was launched in 1957, Explorer I was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, and Pickering was the man behind this phenomenal feat.
He was and is, a central figure in the American space race.

Pickering had all the proper degrees - a B.S. in Electrical Engineering, and a Ph.D. in Physics, and he was appointed Director of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in 1954, but not solely because of his intellect. Consider who else was around at the time - von Braun and van Allen, for two examples.

As one newspaper article put it, "[Pickering's] rise to the top had to do with both how well he knew science and how well he knew scientists. His role of director was a multifaceted one: not only was his scientific and technical expertise to the fore, but his antipodean diplomacy was required to lead not only volatile and brilliant scientists, but also work with politicians and the military hierarchy during the pressure cooker political environment of the Cold War."

"As lab director, he had to bring Dr. James van Allen and Dr. von Braun, two geniuses, together for a common goal in an incredibly short time frame, while breathing down their necks was [sic] the government, the Pentagon and the patriot demands of the American people." [www.harvardsquarelibrary.org/unitarians/pickering.html] Later followed Explorer II and Venus.

Former president of Caltech Thomas E. Everhart said of Pickering: "More than any other individual, Bill Pickering was responsible for America's success in exploring the planets-an endeavor that demanded vision, courage, dedication, expertise and the ability to inspire two generations of scientists and engineers...."

Pickering, then, is a fine example of someone who had both IQ and EQ; the education, expertise and intelligence combined with the ability to unite people and inspire others to work together toward a common goal, and, I would add, the ability to handle a veritable cauldron of emotion. Call it pressure, if you will.

So this is one mandate for emotional intelligence, and the one that exists regardless of extraneous conditions: We are simply more effective when we are able to manage our emotions and the emotions of others, to relate well, to inspire, coalesce teams, motivate, find creative solutions, get along, and lead. Research shows us that we need our emotions and our intellect, expertise, training and skills in order to make good decisions, remain intentional, function with integrity, generate alternatives, solve problems creatively, relate well interpersonally, manage stress, and remain resilient.

The other mandate for emotional intelligence is trend-dependent - a workforce of increasingly single and/or unmarried persons whose emotional and social needs may be pressing, and who may be seeking to meet more of these at work, or at any rate to exercise them.

Let's state it more bluntly: if you want to attract and retain the best workers, a cold, authoritarian, sterile and unfeeling workplace is not going to cut it. A human being can't live alone in the evening and at night, and then work alone all day in an emotionally inert atmosphere. Isolation - literally or figuratively - has been shown repeatedly to be as bad for our health or worse than smoking, high blood pressure, and/or obesity, sometimes combined. It affects both mental and physical health.

But the fact remains, we are simply going to need one another more at work, and need each other in the fullest sense, as working people with emotions and all of our humanity. We are our emotions.

We can begin now to instigate programs in the workplace that allow us to tap further into one of the most powerful of our intelligences, our emotional intelligence. When we experience and manage our emotions and those of others, we work better, we feel better, and we are better. When we treat one another with respect, dignity, integrity, and compassion, we work better, feel better and are better. Developing emotional intelligence gives each individual a chance to increase work effectiveness and satisfaction, deepen relationships, strengthen leadership talents, and awaken creative spirit, and it can be learned. It then becomes a force multiplier.

So, why wait? Let's start learning it now.


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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Michael Buble on The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos

Emotional Intelligence - listen to Michael Buble talk about "playing to the locals."



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Accents in the US

How we speak -- those accents -- do you want to 'get rid of' yours?

How we speak has so much to do with our emotional intelligence. The tone and pitch of our voice, the accent we do or do not have ... you might even call the accent part of the nonverbal aspect of language.

I moved around a lot as a kid and young adult. I remember when I moved to N. C., adopting that accent -- the long southern drawl -- and then when we moved to San Antonio, Tx, I consciously said "no more," and went back to my neutral non-accent. You know, like an anchor person.

One part of the video that's interesting is when the talk about the California accent, i.e., too hard to say "radical" so they say "rad." Dude. Whatever.

This is a great video. Enjoy!

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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Our Cruise to Alaska

Cruise to Alaska Slideshow: Susan’s trip from Seattle, Washington, United States to Alaska was created by TripAdvisor. See another Alaska slideshow. Create your own stunning free slideshow from your travel photos.
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My Trip to Copper Canyon Mexico

Copper Canyon Mexico Slideshow: Susan’s trip from El Paso, Texas, United States to Mexico was created by TripAdvisor. See another Mexico slideshow. Create your own stunning free slideshow from your travel photos.
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Monday, July 11, 2011

Doctors Need More Emotional Intelligence in New Healthcare System


DOCTORS IN NEED OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AS PREVENTABLE DEATHS INCREASE, AND MEDICINE BECOMES A TEAM SPORT.
So says an article in the NY Times entitled, "New for Aspiring Doctors, the People Skills Test," By GARDINER HARRIS

Here are some quotes from the article:
Doctors save lives, but they can sometimes be insufferable know-it-alls who bully nurses and do not listen to patients. Medical schools have traditionally done little to screen out such flawed applicants or to train them to behave better, but that is changing.

and
A pleasant bedside manner and an attentive ear have always been desirable traits in doctors, of course, but two trends have led school administrators to make the hunt for these qualities a priority. The first is a growing catalog of studies that pin the blame for an appalling share of preventable deaths on poor communication among doctors, patients and nurses that often results because some doctors, while technically competent, are socially inept.

and
“When I entered medical school, it was all about being an individual expert,” said Dr. Darrell G. Kirch, the president and chief executive of the Association of American Medical Colleges. “Now it’s all about applying that expertise to team-based patient care.”

To read the entire article, go here.



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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Mobbing and Bullying and Emotional Intelligence

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BULLYING IS SUCH AN UGLY THING.

Le mobbing est un poison lent
Mobbing ist ein leises Gift Zuletzt geƤndert
The Germans and the French call it "the slow poison."

“Mobbing can be understood as the stressor to beat all stressors,” says Dr. Kenneth Westhaus, U. of Waterloo, author of “Eliminating Professors.” According to him, the typical mob victim is a good-to-high achiever personally invested in a formally secure job who somehow threatens or shames co--workers or managers who then decide to get rid of him or her.

However, bullying is complex, and there are other reasons.

I coach clients on mobbing and bullying, both the abused, and the managers who are trying to identify it early and get rid of it. In my experience, it is often the best workers, serious people, introverts, just plain nice people. When it rears its ugly head, it upsets other workers, demoralizes, demeans, lowers productivity, causes lack of focus, raises stress, and causes increased illness, absenteeism and "presenteeism."

At the human level, it's wrong, wrong to treat people that way. At the corporate level, it can lead to exposure, and if the reputation is established cause current good employees to leave (wouldn't you?) and drive good applicants away. Word gets around, you know. As I was explaining to an HR manager the other day, "No, it is not a 'just get over it' kind of thing."

Has it happened to you? Is it happening to you now? Why does it happen? Read my article, Mobbing & Bullying in the Workplace: Has This Happened to You?

We believe, along with bullying.org that "Everyone has the right to be respected and the responsiblity to respect others."

Read my ebook: "Mobbing, Bullying and What to Do About It"

Today from BBC -- MPs on the committee which covers the work of the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (OPDM) in the UK are demanding action after Deputy PM John Prescott's department was accused of bullying, with one in 10 workers claiming to have been victimised in the past year. We are shocked and saddened.

22% say they've witness unfair behavior.

FROM THE ARTICLE:

"The survey results were revealed in the annual report and accounts of the ODPM, which covers housing, planning, local government and the regions.

"The department should take steps immediately to reinforce the message that bullying and intimidation is unacceptable

"ODPM COMMITTEE REPORT

"The survey found 10% of staff felt they had been bullied in the past year, 8% had experienced discrimination and 6% reported harassment.

"Some 22% of staff had witnessed unfair treatment and a larger proportion of black or black British staff (14%) had experienced discrimination than other staff.

"The survey also found disabled people were more likely to have suffered discrimination and revealed that a third of staff did not know how to report unfair treatment."
The UK and European Union are definitely ahead in the area of bullying and mobbing. There is even a clinic in German that deals exclusively with victims of mobbing and bullying.

To read the whole article go here.

=====
If this is happening to you and you would like some coaching, please give me a call at 817-734-1471 or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . When someone's being mobbed or bullied, you can't think straight - that's part of the strategy. It helps to have an objective person to help give clarification and strategy, someone who's in your corner and has your back.

Resources & Information:

jfo.org.uk

Stop Bullying Now
=====

Anger, Forgiveness, Emotional Intelligence and Your Health


FORGIVE NOT 7 TIMES, BUT 77 TIMES, by Susan Dunn, Life Coach, Emotional Intelligence Coach, EQ Coach

Yes, it was a difficult weekend. I had houseguests, and one of them has truly been wronged. Not once, but many times. Not by strangers, but by his own family. Not long ago, but long ago and recently.

It made me angry just to hear the stories, though he told them only as they related to the conversation at hand (“So what happened to your father’s farm?” sort of thing), and there was no rancor on his part. Incredulously, he appears to have made his peace with some real injustices. But then that’s one of the reasons we all love him so much.

My friend is very forgiving, and there’s a reason why: he’s had a lot of practice. Forgiveness is like another EQ competency, Resilience. The good news is you can learn it. The bad news is there will always be opportunity. And you can reverse those two!

So, yes, my friend is very forgiving. I imagine he has forgiven 77 times. If you’re familiar with the Biblical passage: “Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.’”

This forgiving friend of mine is of-an-age, and also a physician. “How could you forgive him for that?” I asked him, about a particularly unjust occurrence. “Because I want to live and preserve my health,” he said. Physicians know about emotions and health.

THE TWO WOLVES

There’s a story currently circulating the Internet about a Native American grandfather “whose eyes have seen too much,” talking with his grandson. The boy was talking about an injustice that had happened that day that left him enraged.
The grandfather admitted that he, too, had felt such rage. “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart,” he told the child. “One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.”
The grandfather said, “I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those who have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.”
When he finished talking, the grandson asked him, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?”

“The one I feed,” replied the grandfather.

[Go here http://www.turtle-tracks.org/issue50/i50_3.html to read the whole story]

PACO…GIOVANNI…TON…SERGEI…ED, JR…JOHANN…PIERRE … THEIR NAMES ARE LEGION
Ernest Hemingway wrote a story about forgiveness. It’s the story of a Spanish father and his teenage son who are at odds, and eventually the strained relationship breaks. When Paco, the rebellious son, runs away from home, his father begins a long, grief-stricken search to find him and bring him back.

As a last resort, the exhausted father placed an ad in a Madrid newspaper, hoping his son would see the ad and respond to it. The ad read:

Dear Paco,
Please meet me in front of the newspaper office at noon. All is forgiven.
Love,
Father
As Hemingway tells the story, the next day at noon, in front of the newspaper office, there are 800 Pacos, all seeking forgiveness from their fathers.

HOW YOU PRESERVE YOUR HEALTH

We have all been wronged. I have been. You have been. Your father has been. The queen of England has been. No one escapes. Some of us have been egregiously wronged and live with rage … for a week, a year, a lifetime. Our anger interferes with our ability to forgive.

And why, perhaps you are asking, should you forgive? There has been incest … infidelity … theft … betrayal … Certainly you’re justified in your rancor after what’s been done to you.

Frederick Buechner, theologian, writes:
“Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
We suffer when we’re angry. It causes physiological reactions that damage our health, and drive others away, leaving us to fester in our own isolated hell. We also suffer because we feel guilty about being angry. And we may feel strangled because we can’t act on it. It’s a complicated emotion.

It is, however, neither good nor bad in and of itself. Emotions just “are.” They guide us. They tell us what to do.

Anger tells us there is danger and we need to deal with it directly. The problem develops when we have not learned Emotional Intelligence and don’t know how to handle this anger. It can live forever in its raw state if not dealt with, undermining our health.

But what if … What if the person who did this is dead? Or estranged, like Paco from his father? … Or virulently poised to do more harm? Or an apology won’t really do, as in “I’m sorry I was drunk for the first 15 years of your life”? Or “I’m sorry I had your father shot by a firing squad in front of your eyes?” What if they absolutely do not deserve our forgiveness? What do we do then?

Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving is an EQ competency. At times it’s even harder to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others, and we stand in need as well.

While we are all Paco, we are all, also, his father. We create our own world, and as we refuse to forgive others, we refuse to allow others to forgive us. What goes around comes around.

Being forgiving – forgiving yourself and others – is highly recommended.
The person you’re harboring the hatred for isn’t likely to be affected by it, but you are which makes you twice the victim, and more the fool. You are demanding from them something they can’t or won’t give, and you therefore remain tied to them forever. They don’t deserve you to forgive them, but you deserve to forgive them.

HELL

I’m reminded of Dante’s “Inferno.” In the fifth ring of hell live “the Wrathful.” Says the commentary, “they spend their time here either tearing at each other in anger or …” Yes, that’s being in hell.

But even more fitting is the ninth and final circle of Hell, Cocytus, which is ice cold (those farthest from God’s love).

There we find those who betrayed those to whom they should forever have been faithful, those treacherous to kin, and the image is this — two people are frozen in the same hole so that one can gnaw at the nape of the other’s neck. An apt metaphor for how we can gnaw at ourselves with resentment and anger.

To paraphrase Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., psychoneuroimmunologist, ‘Go ahead and rant and rave, rage, beat your chest, fight! But to the victor goes the bypass.’

For your own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, you must learn how to let it go. Work with a coach to develop your Emotional Intelligence. Anger directly affects our immunological system, which is our health, and it is an ongoing part of life for all of us. It’s the price we pay for being human.

About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant, http://www.susandunn.cc. Coaching, business programs, Internet courses, teleclasses, and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence for your wellness, success and happiness. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. Put “ezine” for subject line. Susan is the author of The EQ Foundation Course, http://www.susandunn.cc/courses.htm

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Emotional Intelligence with The EQ Coach

The peaceful moment
A BLOGGER WRITES about a moment of emotional intelligence:
Before the Storm
Sitting in my car watching the sun rise, I’m calm. I just finished a workout at the gym and found a quiet spot on a quiet road to pull over and enjoy my breakfast-to-go. This may be my last opportunity to feel this way for a while.

On Saturday, I leave for Italy; then one day after returning, board another plane for Malaysia. Frantically preparing for two weeks away from my home & office is all I’ll be doing once I pull away from this calm spot. So I linger - chewing on my bagel - and enjoy the last few moments of quiet before a firestorm of activity kicks in.

This struck me as such a great example of emotional intelligence. This is someone who really knows themselves, and their feelings. And good vacabulary, i.e., he might have said "before the nightmare begins" or "before I go nuts," or dramatic things like that, be shows remarkable restraint in this writing.

These are feelings we can all relate too - the frenetic energy of travel and being away from homw, especially for business.

But how many of us have the emotional intelligence to find a quiet moment and pull over the the side of the road and rest.

Well, I did the other day. I'd been in the car seemingly all day. Well, a drive, then a 3-hour appointment, then an hour's drive, and I arrived at the destination early. It was mid-afternoon, and I've never really wanted to give up my preschooler's afternoon nap, so I pulled off the road to grab 40 winks. Except in this case, I pulled into a large and empty church parking lot, because I thought I'd be safe there. I was way over by the dumpster, and there were just a couple cars way over on the other side.

I laid back the car seat, opened the windows, and leaned back to relax. Several minutes later there was a knock on the window. Some man was concerned about the daycare there and not wanting the children to ... you know. The knock on the window scared me and took away all the good effects of the rest.

So - remember - it's emotional intelligence but alsological/intellectual intelligence, i.e., next time I won't choose a church parking lot!

And back to our friend, above. I feel sure he handled the travel well. He sounds like that kinda guy.

Call Susan Dunn the Emotional Intelligence Coach for help in increasing your emotional intelligence. I offer online courses, email support, phone coaching, and in addition, I train and certify coaches internationally. Don't wait. Do it now. Before the firestorm of activity begins. Again. sdunn@susandunn.cc or 817-734-1471.



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