Mobbing and Bullying and Emotional Intelligence

BULLYING IS SUCH AN UGLY THING.

Le mobbing est un poison lent
Mobbing ist ein leises Gift Zuletzt geändert
The Germans and the French call it "the slow poison."

“Mobbing can be understood as the stressor to beat all stressors,” says Dr. Kenneth Westhaus, U. of Waterloo, author of “Eliminating Professors.” According to him, the typical mob victim is a good-to-high achiever personally invested in a formally secure job who somehow threatens or shames co--workers or managers who then decide to get rid of him or her.

However, bullying is complex, and there are other reasons.

I coach clients on mobbing and bullying, both the abused, and the managers who are trying to identify it early and get rid of it. In my experience, it is often the best workers, serious people, introverts, just plain nice people. When it rears its ugly head, it upsets other workers, demoralizes, demeans, lowers productivity, causes lack of focus, raises stress, and causes increased illness, absenteeism and "presenteeism."

At the human level, it's wrong, wrong to treat people that way. At the corporate level, it can lead to exposure, and if the reputation is established cause current good employees to leave (wouldn't you?) and drive good applicants away. Word gets around, you know. As I was explaining to an HR manager the other day, "No, it is not a 'just get over it' kind of thing."

Has it happened to you? Is it happening to you now? Why does it happen? Read my article, Mobbing & Bullying in the Workplace: Has This Happened to You?

We believe, along with bullying.org that "Everyone has the right to be respected and the responsiblity to respect others."

Read my ebook: "Mobbing, Bullying and What to Do About It"

Today from BBC -- MPs on the committee which covers the work of the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (OPDM) in the UK are demanding action after Deputy PM John Prescott's department was accused of bullying, with one in 10 workers claiming to have been victimised in the past year. We are shocked and saddened.

22% say they've witness unfair behavior.

FROM THE ARTICLE:

"The survey results were revealed in the annual report and accounts of the ODPM, which covers housing, planning, local government and the regions.

"The department should take steps immediately to reinforce the message that bullying and intimidation is unacceptable

"ODPM COMMITTEE REPORT

"The survey found 10% of staff felt they had been bullied in the past year, 8% had experienced discrimination and 6% reported harassment.

"Some 22% of staff had witnessed unfair treatment and a larger proportion of black or black British staff (14%) had experienced discrimination than other staff.

"The survey also found disabled people were more likely to have suffered discrimination and revealed that a third of staff did not know how to report unfair treatment."

The UK and European Union are definitely ahead in the area of bullying and mobbing. There is even a clinic in German that deals exclusively with victims of mobbing and bullying.

To read the whole article go here.

=====
If this is happening to you and you would like some coaching, please give me a call at 817-734-1471 or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . When someone's being mobbed or bullied, you can't think straight - that's part of the strategy. It helps to have an objective person to help give clarification and strategy, someone who's in your corner and has your back.

Resources & Information:

jfo.org.uk

Stop Bullying Now
=====

Bullying in the Workplace, Is It Getting Worse?

An HR manager just asked permission to use my article at a meeting, so thought I'd put it here.

I despise "bullying" and "mobbing" and "gossip," and love to help corporations get rid of it, and individuals to recover from it.

BTW, I think we (the US) has a reputation here. On my tour in Europe, one of the guides showed us the chairs out in front of a cafe ready for the people-watchers, and people-talkers. She said, "In France it's okay to talk about someone you don't know, but not someone you DO know." Not a bad idea.

Office Gossip: An HR Challenge

By Susan Dunn Expert Author Article Date: 2008-11-12

"Lies, rumors, and office gossip have always been an entrenched part of the workscape," says Samuel Greengard, in his article, "Gossip Poisons
Business: HR Can Stop It," and if you've worked in an office, you know that's true. For some, it's just static, but it can get out of control, be harmful to the target, and cause risk for management.

Gossip is a human propensity. Part of being social and being human, is to take an intense interest in what other's are doing. Some gossip is relatively benign; other forms are malicious and can run right into slander and liable.

Unchecked, it's not going to go away and can be disruptive to productivity and morale.

THE NATURE OF GOSSIP

"Not every rumor that comes out of the office gossip mill has the power to be ... damaging," says Ingrid Murro Botero, president of Murro Consulting. "However, even seemingly casual remarks between coworkers can disrupt an otherwise peaceful office."

Office gossip generally centers around which employees management is dating, and who's about to be get fired, transferred, promoted or demoted. Particularly malicious gossip is used for personal or political gain within the organization. Any form can open management up to significant liability because employees who perceive themselves in a hostile environment can go on to assume they're being discriminated against.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

What can management do to curtail this destructive mobbing behavior?

First of all lets look at what makes it probable. It's most likely to occur when employees are not informed, and when they have too much time on their hands. When something's going on and management doesn't supply information, people fill in the void with speculations and assumptions.

It's also likely to occur is when workers have too much time on their hands. When, as a kid, I started making trouble for myself and my sisters because I had nothing to do, my grandmother would give me something constructive to do (a chore, a book to read), saying, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

Management must also make it clear that malicious personal gossip is not acceptable. "It is essential for companies to set appropriate boundaries and a tone of mutual respect," says Jane Weizmann, senior consultant at Watson Wyatt Worldwide.

This can be accomplished through Aspiration Statements - not just saying what's not acceptable, but by coming out and saying what is expected:
dignity and respect. No exceptions.

Management can also work to build a culture that's supportive rather than overtly competitive. Putting proactive emotional intelligence and ANTI-MOBBING PROGRAMS in place show positive intent. To see an excellent pro-respect statement by the State of Oregon, Dept. of Environment Quality ANTI-MOBBING policy NO. 50.110, go
here: www.mobbing-usa.com/resources1.html
.

Coaching and/or counseling should be available for both victim and instigator.

Rumors must be dealt with immediately. Meet with instigator[s] and victim together, or call the instigator in to confront them. Confront chronic offenders. If you don't know who they are, you're in denial, because everyone else in the company knows who they are.

One thing to do in your awareness/education program is to ask people to check through their emails and see if they think they've been gossiping.
Unlike the spoken word, email is documentable.

It's important to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Written policies and procedures turn to dust and smoke the first time management fails to confront the problem in actuality. It's normal to test the limits, and if action isn't taken when stated policy is transgressed, credibility for that policy goes out the door, and so does credibility about every other policy.

About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, www.susandunn.cc . Business and personal coaching, on-site, long-distance.

Offensive People at Work

From Mark Salinas business blog, Insights on the World of Business Management:

How do you deal with an individual at work that lacks Emotional Intelligence? A person that says random, possibly offense remarks, with no concern for the individuals around him/her. This person is upset about something, somebody or maybe has a strong opinion about a political candidate etc. Often we want to go right back with our opinions…. but why become part of that mess?

He recommends emotional intelligence. "Why become part of that mess" is such a great way to put it.

If you're looking for some tips on how to deal with DIFFICULT PEOPLE, take my online course. It's self-guided and full or PRACTICAL EQ tips.

Mention this blog and it's just $29.99. This is a fantastic course, giving you example/response over and over ...

Collaborative Intelligence at Work

Great new article on emotional intelligence on Newsweek called "Building a Better Team."

The topic at hand is called "collaborative intelligence," sort of the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

It's Marshall Goldsmith, author of What Got You Here Won't Get You There, (see Einstein quote - "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it") talking about his e-mail correspondence with Stephen Joyce, author of best seller Teaching an Anthill to Fetch: Developing Collaborative Intelligence @ Work - (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0978031202/susandunnmome-20).

Joyce refers to firemen fighting fires, platoons of soldiers in combat, sports teams ... sort of esprit de corps, teamwork, the effect when people are working effectively together, sharing information and all else needing sharing ... "united we stand, divided we fall."

Specifically he is talking about NOT getting bogged down in the nemesis of all -- "politics."

Especially interesting to me now as I am reading Peter the Great by Massie, who, when talking about the wars (specifically the war between Sweden and Russia), mentions how the Russians kept losing because initially their inexperienced soldiers acted like a mob (panicing and so forth) instead of with the rich discipline of the well-trained Swedes. And also, at the point I am now reading, that the Swedish demise was due to the failure of the commander to brief his sub-commanders before the battle -- because of jealousy and spite. The one commander couldn't stand the other, and just plain out didn't like to talk to him. So he didn't. And Massie faults King Charles XII for not knowing this about the two men's personalities.

Collaborative Intelligence -- Is this stuff new? Well, a better question to ask, given the business world's (and it's writer's) propensity for "reframing," especially with new acronymns, is does it work?

I think it is possible to raise the collective EQ by raising the EQs of its individual members, or possibly even A member. I have seen it happen. We are all too sadly aware that "one bad apple can spoil the bunch." After all, one of the comments I often get from those who take my DIFFICULT PEOPLE course is, "Now I see when I become the 'difficult person.'"

A few things from the article I especially liked:

Here are some of the most important characteristics of a team with high CQ:

• Is able to share the stress and strain evenly throughout the team.
• Achieves its objectives more through people and less through politics.
• Has a strong network of connection and support between its members. This accelerates learning, enabling the team's reactions to be rapid and responsive to challenges.
• Looks after its own: Individuals are not left to fend for themselves, and staff retention is high because people feel a strong sense of belonging

"Collaboration" sort of implies emotional intelligence. Without it, however, I would contend that the entity (business, group, committee, organization, squad, team) will tend not to operate like an anthill (which, after all gets the job done, by instinct) but rather, like a mob. Because ants have a rudimentary 'brain' and humans have 3 brains (and emotions), and are therefore capable of so much more, for good or for ill.

Nessun Dorma King Bullied as a Child

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - BUSINESS PROGRAMS, BULLYING AND MOBBING, INDIVIDUAL COACHING, INTERNET COURSES, EBOOKS, Club Vivo Per Lei - I Live for Music

Paul Potts, the World's Favorite Opera Singer, says he was bullied as a child, and sought escape in music.

Deep in debt after years of illness, he has had no formal training, but that his voice was always his best friend.



Kudos to Puccini, composer of "Nessun Dorma" and to his librettists. To learn more about opera, join CLUB VIVO PER LEI. Read about the benefits of music.

For bullying coaching, and business programs on bullying and mobbing, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .