Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Coping with Holiday Social Stress

There are all kinds of stress around the holidays. One of them can be social stress. It's all about managing your emotional reactions to things.

This guest article is 8 Ways to Cope with the Social Stress of Holidays by Cecil McIntosh:

Indeed, stress is a part of contemporary life. The facts make this self-evident:

33 percent of employees have taken mental health days, costing business billions in lost revenues each year.

Two-thirds of those surveyed said they were likely to seek help for stress management. That means stress is having a negative impact on work performance.

Stressed teens are 200 percent more likely to drink, smoke cigarettes and use drugs. 200 percent!

Extensive research and testing show that stress contributes to high blood pressure (hypertension), heart attack, strokes, depression, a weakened immune system (more colds) and chronic pain.

62 percent of respondents stated that work raised stress levels.

Stress at work and school is taking its toll emotionally, physically and spiritually, tapping our energy and focus, diminishing our capacity to enjoy ourselves. This contributes to a problem many people experience, some to extremes -- social anxiety.


In fact, there are people for whom attending a party is simply impossible. There are people who experience agoraphobia, a fear of leaving their homes. Some remain housebound for years with this debilitating emotional disorder. And traditional treatments for agoraphobia have shown varying degrees of success.

Today, the problem is most often handled pharmacologically with stress-reduction medications, many of which are addictive and all of which mask the underlying problem -- the root cause of the condition.

Anticipation Anxiety

For many, the stress begins long before the event itself. These people experience anticipation anxiety. They imagine themselves at the event and tripping or making a social faux pas. Over and over, they envision the worst possible scenarios for weeks before the event takes place.

So, by the time the "big day" rolls around, the internal stress levels have been elevated for days or weeks. This anticipation anxiety takes all of the fun out of what should be relaxation time.

Social Stress

Do you know that people fear public speaking more than death? But you don't have to be that evening's speaker to experience elevated levels of stress.

Even if yours is a minor role -- a member of the audience, for example -- you may still experience social stress brought on by imagined fears and perceptions. So, what can you do to lessen the social stress in your life?

Here are some suggestions I give to my clients:

When you receive a written invitation, RSVP immediately. Don't create additional stress trying to decide whether you can pull yourself together to attend. Just RSVP and ask what you can bring.

Before the event, don't self-medicate with alcohol, medications or drugs. You don't need these things to enjoy yourself.

Before the event, picture yourself at your best -- looking good and having a wonderful time. Block out all negative images to lessen anticipation anxiety. Even better, don't think about the event at all.

Ask questions. Whether you're at a party or some other social gathering, ask others about themselves. We all love to talk about ourselves and this takes the spotlight off of you.

Never over imbibe. Keep it to no more than two alcoholic beverages in a four-hour period. Keep yourself in control at all times.

Assume that everybody's a little nervous at the gathering -- especially when meeting strangers. It's stressful for some. Assume you aren't alone in your feelings.
Turn your focus outward. Don't worry about how you look or that you might say the wrong thing. Use this time for its intended purpose -- recreation. Recreation.
Finally, remember this: the more socializing you do the easier it gets. You get better at it. You worry about it less (lower levels of anticipation anxiety) and, believe it or not, you actually start to enjoy yourself.

The statistics concerning school and work stress clearly indicate the need in our lives to recreate -- to laugh and have fun. Socializing shouldn't be something to fear. It's the antidote for all of the other stresses in your life.

It starts with a single RSVP or just a get-together after a long day at work. The more you interact, the stronger your support network -- and the happier you are.

About the author: Cecil McIntosh, Relaxation and stress relief, Cecil McIntosh a Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer and Energy worker specializing in providing Tips and Tools to transform your stress into success. For a free 40 page report on the 21 formulas for a healthy and happy life visit this site now.

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Monday, November 26, 2007

The Holidays - It's all about attitude

On her blog, Zandria writes: Check it out here Keep Up With Me.

Here’s what I think about the ability of a single woman to be happy during the holidays — it doesn’t matter if you’re single. I believe that your relationship status has no bearing on whether or not you’ll be in good spirits. If you’re going to be happy this holiday season, you’ll be that way regardless of whether you’re in a relationship, and vice versa with people who are unhappy.

She also features my article, 9 Myths About Being Single for the Holidays. Check it out.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Help for the Holidays

I'm noticing a usual trend in the emailbag these days -- family get-togethers being disturbing.
One theme is sibling rivalry -- how YOU handle your sisters/brothers, or how the parent is supposed to.

One person wrote me that their family Thanksgivings always ended in a fight. Last year the two brothers (both grown adults) broke the china cabinet in the living room in a physical fight. Other families fight verbally, or with silence and innuendos.

There's a lot of tension that makes it unpleasant for all.

Another man told me that he was going to get a hotel room this time, so he would have a place to get away to. He told me about the hostility between some of the women in his family.


Here's an online course to help you through the holidays.

Step-by-step practical help with dealing with the difficult people in your life. Just in time for the holidays. This Internet course covers all Difficult Types.

"I noticed an improvement right away." -- Andrea

"Finally, now, I the "people pleaser" can enjoy MYself too." -- Shelley

$89.99 - Click HERE to order this new ONLINE COURSE INTERACTIVE for instant empowerment. It will be emailed to you.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Holidays, Stock Market, Mass Hysteria

Take a break and remember the Reason for the Season
People are writing me from all over the world about the Black Friday sales and people getting up at 4 am to go to the sales in the US. It almost looks like mass hysteria. A shopping frenzy, like a feeding frenzy. The action when you've forgotten the reason for the action.

And then there's the stock market.

This is a good time to work with your emotional intelligence. You know that poem "When you can keep your head about you when others are losing theirs"?

I'm thinking too about the bbc interview with the Norwegian ship captain who did the rescue for the Explorer. The interviewer kept asking how the passengers felt, were they afraid, etc. The captain stuck to the matter at hand. They were rescued, had food and services. No, he hadn't been able to talk to them - HE WAS BUSY RESCUING THEM and keeping his head about him.
A good thing to keep in mind when there's mass hysteria and panic going on. This sort of situation leads to impulsive actions - like, I'm going to settle this once and for all. The kind of energy that makes us end relationships when they didn't need to end, pop the question to the wrong person, buy high and sell low.

The urge to impulsivity makes us THINK we have do something, and worse than that, do ANYTHING. It's not good emotional intelligence and it's hard to hold the center when it seems like everyone else is ...

To learn more about emotional intelligence, take THE EQ COURSE. It would be a good use of your time right now, as well as attending to the "real meaning" of the holidays. Which, regardless of your religious perspective, came from the word "holy days."

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

What Made These Men Live to be 100 Years Old?

An important new study based on data from World War I draft cards, revealed that men who reached the age of 100 were, at age 30, young, trim farmers with 4 or more children.

The researchers Leonid and Natalia Gavrilova, both of the University of Chicago Center on Aging, said they were surprised that "having more than three children is beneficial to longevity -- based on previous studies by other authors, and common sense, quite the opposite could be expected." It seems to me this is a leap, or mistatement; that it's a correlation. Or the ability to father children. However, I leave that to you to connect the dots.

This research contradicts a current theory that "there is a trade-off between the number of children and [parental] longevity." In this sample, young fathers with many children lived much longer than other men in this sample. [emphasis mine]

Speculations why? Support by children in old age and good general health.

Why farmers? I would have thought the active lifestyle, but Gavrilov hypothesized that "people in the past had poor sanitation in towns, and hence a high infection load early in life ... Farms were more isolated, and so farmers were less likely to contract life-limiting illnesses."

Sutyd found overweight was detrimental, but there wasn't much difference between slender and medium build men, which counters animal studies which favor low-calorie diets and being skinny.

Marital status and height didn't correlate much. This is interesting because previous studies have linked shorter adult height with childhood infection and longevity.


Being trim and able to produce children indicates good physical health. Likewise, farming is an active occupation. There was speculation that the 'farmer' thing had to do with the relative isolation - at least from towns. Now, what else is there about the farming lifetsyle? For one thing, the control-monkey-stress experiments -- you are your own boss. What else? Especially if marital status didn't correlate. Share your hypotheses with me at .

To read the full article go here:
Farming, Fatherhood Hallmarks of Men Who Live to 100 - Men's Health - MSN Health & Fitness

A Poem of Thanksgiving

From my house to yours,
a very blessed and happy Thanksgiving
from John Greenleaf Whittier

Heap high the farmer's wintry hoard!
Heap high the golden corn!
No richer gift has Autumn poured
From out her lavish horn!

Let other lands, exulting, glean
The apple from the pine,
The orange from its glossy green,
The cluster from the vine;

We better love the hardy gift
Our rugged vales bestow,
To cheer us when the storm shall drift
Our harvest-fields with snow.

Through vales of grass and meads of flowers
Our plows their furrows made,
While on the hills the sun and showers
Of changeful April played.

We dropped the seed o'er hill and plain,
Beneath the sun of May,
And frightened from our sprouting grain
The robber crows away.

All through the long, bright days of June
Its leaves grew green andfair,
And waved in hot midsummer's noon
Its soft and yellow hair.

And now, with Autumn's moonlit eves,
Its harvest-time has come;
We pluck away the frosted leaves,
And bear the treasure home.

Then shame on all the proud and vain
Whose folly laughs to scorn
The blessing of our hardy grain,
Our wealth of golden corn!

Let earth withhold her goodly root,
Let mildew blight the rye,
Give to the worm the orchard's fruit,
The wheat-field to the fly;
But let the good old crop adorn
The hills our fathers trod;
Still let us, for his golden corn,
Send up our thanks to God!

Ray Garrett, SEC, showed Emotional Intelligence

email me at

RAY GARRETT, JR. former chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC)

Emotional Intelligence is crucial to leadership.

Read this letter written by Harvey Pitt Ray Garrett, Jr., Chairman of the SEC, 1973-75.

"He gave so much, that one can only hope he received at least half of what he gave." Is there a boss you've had that you would say that about? Do your employees talk about you that way?

Ray Garrett, Jr.: A Remembrance
by Harvey L. Pitt

It is difficult to believe or accept that Ray Garrett, Jr. has died, in the prime of his life, and at the top of his career. For those who were privileged to know him, the very mention of his name evokes images of unparalleled vivacity and boundless energy - he possessed an incredible zest for life. These facts of Ray's personality make it impossible to depict in words Ray's spirit, warmth and humanity; but, despite his untimely death, it is important that his memory, and his ideals and values, should live on after him, and be cherished. This brief reflection of some of Ray's qualities is, I hope, a modest start in that direction.

While Ray was, most assuredly, a multifaceted individual, there is a natural tendency for most of us to think principally of his Commission activities. The Commission was fortunate to have had two separate tours of duty from Ray - once in the 1950's, when he served first as Associate Executive Director and later as Director of the Commission's Division of Corporate Regulation, and once more recently, from 1973 to 1975, when Ray honored the Commission by becoming its Chairman. It was as Chairman that I first came to know Ray. It took only a few weeks until I felt as if I had known him my entire life. I respected Ray as a teacher, and I loved him as a father. He was a very special person.

The period of Ray's Chairmanship was tumultuous and difficult. The political environment in Washington at the time was taking on crisis proportions, and some of the external developments unfortunately reached the SEC. In keeping with his personal style, Ray neither coveted nor sought the Chairmanship. His family, with whom he was extraordinarily close, lived largely in Chicago. His law firm, also located in Chicago was, together with his bar commitments, the center of his professional activities. While others actively sought the job, Ray turned the President's requests down twice, before he finally agreed to assume the Chairmanship on the President's third request. Typically, it was an appeal to Ray's sense of loyalty to the Commission, and his sense of patriotism to the Country, that finally prevailed...

Ray's external accomplishments as Chairman were impressive - among other things, he spearheaded the move to unfix commission rates, he shepherded the drafting and revision of the 1975 amendments to the Securities Exchange Act, he presided over the development of Stan Sporkin's now-heralded management fraud program, he commenced the Commission's recently-culminated examination of beneficial ownership and takeover regulations, he spurred the development of important new accounting and disclosure concepts (such as differential disclosure) and, perhaps more importantly, he served as Commander-in-Chief for the Commission's successful war on the attempt to exile us all to Buzzard's Point.

It is, however, Ray's internal accomplishments as Chairman that seem most important now. By word, by deed, and by his presence, he promoted intellectual independence and professional excellence. No voice was too far down the ladder to be heard; he had time for everyone. He sought out and welcomed diverse points of view, yet he attempted to shape a consensus. He encouraged staff participation in the formation of all Commission policies. Debates at the "Table" were exciting and erudite - it was a time for both scholarship and pragmatism; a time for airing all viewpoints without caustics or public dissent and dissension. He never sought to exercise the "prerogatives" of the Chair - he viewed himself as one among five equals, but everyone knew he had no equal.

He deferred to his fellow Commissioners, and they, in turn, deferred to him. They laughed at themselves and laughed with, but never at, each other. No man possessed a greater mastery of the art of "collegiality" than did Ray. Time and again, I observed him subordinating his own views to those of this fellow Commissioners, not because he thought their views right, necessarily, but because, as he was fond of saying, "it's important for the Chairman to lose too."
By example, Ray taught courtesy, patience, respect and restraint. I never heard him raise his voice, but I could quickly tell mostly by facial content and measured words, when his patience had been tried. He was not afraid to be wrong, but it seems as if he seldom was. He never forgot that he was once a member of the staff and, as a result, his commitment to the staff was great - every major appointment during his tenure came from within the agency, without favoritism or politics. He fought for the appointment of Irv Pollack, a career SEC servant, to the five-member Commission, and he appointed Stan Sporkin to replace him. Bob Davenport succeeded Don Stocking in Denver, and I became the agency's General Counsel. Kathie McGrath and Anne Jones, who unsuccessfully attempted to reform Ray of his chauvinistic tendencies, became Executive Assistant and Director of Investment Management, respectively. Only the merits counted with Ray. He had no tolerance for indolence or superficiality. But he recognized and accepted human limitations, including the few he could claim as his own.

Ray was kind, fair, smart, loving and, above all else, a good person, but stating these qualities hardly scratches the surface. His sense of perspective - the ability not to take himself too seriously - was refreshing and awesome. He loved life, and lived it to the fullest. He gave so much, that one can only hope he received at least half of what he gave. And, he loved the Commission and was loyal to it, from both inside and out. He never criticized or attacked the agency, and he defended its records and goals, including some that were set during his tenure, but over his objection. He was, above all else, a member as well as the captain of the team, and he did not sulk when others got their way.

Ray was embarrassed by praise and rank emotional adoration, but he surely could not criticize my reliance on his own words to sum up what Ray means to all of us who have worked, or currently do work, at the Commission. In 1974, on the occasion of our 40th Anniversary Celebration, Ray said:
"It would be far more satisfying if we could have with us some of the wonderful people that have built this agency and on whose legacy we thrive. For many of us, that is what we are really remembering and dreaming of. But we must do the best
we can. And the best is to honor their memory and keep alive the strong tradition of honor, professional excellence, anddevotion to the public interest that is our heritage."

It would be more than "satisfying" to have Ray back, but we cannot will it so. We thrive, however, on Ray's legacy. He was the best, and his life and accomplishments are inspirational. In honoring Ray and his memory, we honor ourselves and those who will come after us.

From Garrett Family personal papers

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Check out Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement too. 5 minutes of anger can suppress your immune system for up to 8 hours.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Stop taking the bait at family get-togethers


There's no questions things escalate at the holidays. It's supposed to be a "happy" time, and all the old family ghosts start crawling out of the walls.

For instance, did you ever walk in to the family get-together and get hit by one of these. I hope not, but few of these escape from this sort of in-family junk. It's easier to stop than you realize. That's why I designed this course, and it really works.

  • You wouldn't be single if you knew how to get along?
  • At this house, we show up on time.
  • She always arrives late so she can get lots of attention.
  • Why do you always have to bring that up?
  • When are you going to grow up?
  • When are you going to learn some manners?
  • Why don't you do like your big brother and ...
  • Why do you always have to be so sensitive?
  • YOU don't need any pie. You're too fat already.
  • You eat like you were raised in a stable.
  • Your sister doesn't act that way, why do you?
  • Do you have to ruin every family get-together, why don't you just get along?


QUIT TAKING THE BAIT. (And don't dangle it out there, either.)

The Difficult People course was designed to get you through the holidays, and benefit you for the rest of your life.

Stop being the victim, the nice guy, the sweet one, the scapegoat, the brunt of all the jokes.


This course is on the Internet with full email support. Click HERE to order. You will be contacted immediately by email.

Don't wait. Order it now. You will never regret it.

CLIENT COMMENT: "First decent get-together we ever had. I finally, finally get it. Thank you Susan. That course is a miracle." Dianne R., Portland, Oregon

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Christmas Gifts for Older Gents

From today's mailbag - what to buy an older gentleman. There are some great, empathic ideas in here.

7 Top Christmas Gifts Of 2007 For Older Men
By Peter Crump

He's a little older now, his hair is greying a little, or alot, and he's a bit slower than he used to be.

But you love him more than ever and you need a hot Christmasgift for him this year and you're completely out of greatChristmas gift ideas.

Here's 7 top Christmas ideas for an older man.

1. An LP to iPod converter. If he's like me he still has asecret stash of LPs tucked away somewhere that he loves tolisten to, but doesn't any more because his equipment is broken,or just too old. How about a turntable that converts his LPs into a format to play on an iPod or Nano, with software to help eliminate those annoying pops and crackles that are so common on LPs?

2. An iPod or Nano. Chances are there's no point in giving hima turntable to convert his old LPs into a format to play on his iPod or Nano, because he doesn't have one. Get him an iPod andhe'll understand why the kids love them so much. Or get him numbers 1 and 2 together for his Christmas gift and he can listen to his old LPs anywhere he wants.

3. A 35mm slide or negative to digital converter. So he canconvert all his old slides and negatives to digital format.Digital photos are so useful, there's so many things he can dowith them. And he can convert all or some of his old slides andnegatives to digital, load them all on his computer and they'reall there, ready for a slide show.

4. A gutter cleaning robot. He's getting a little past climbingup on the roof now and would rather employ someone else to cleanall those leaves out of the gutters.

Why not save him the money and give him a gutter cleaning robot for Christmas. It cleans leaves, small branches and dirt out of his gutters. Designed by roboticists from the US army, it's controlled by a hand held remote and runs on rechargeable batteries.

5. A peaceful progression wake up clock. Rather than the rude awakening he probably gets from his clock/radio alarm now there's an easier way. Half an hour before wake up the clock starts to glow slightly, brightening slowly and warming releasing aromatherapy aromas into the bedroom atmosphere. Then a slow increase in personally chosen sounds of nature, culminating in an alarm at wake up time.

The perfect Christmas gift for the man who's earned the right to a peaceful wake up. And it can work in reverse to encourage him to sleep if he doesn't sleep as well as he used to.

6. An acoustic ear warmer. Like me he probably doesn't hear quite as well as he used to, and feels the cold more than he used to. Give him some ear warmers that allow him to hear clearly. Designed to allow sound to pass through so he isn't always asking you to repeat what you said.

And suggestion number 7 for a top Christmas gift idea for your favorite older man this Christmas. A remote controlled beveragebuggy.

It's a scale model dune buggy that has holders for 2 16 oz cansor bottles of his favorite drink. He holds the remote and sendsthe dune buggy to the fridge where one of his willing accomplices put his 2 drinks in it to send back to him. It's a laugh and it allows him to consume whatever he wants to drink without getting off the chair. After all, he's earned it.

Now there's 7 quite unique Christmas gift ideas for the older man this year. So I don't want to hear excuses that you can't think of a single idea, ok?

About the Author: Peter calls himself The Mens Gift Guru andpublishes a website called Find That Gift For Him at, all about mens gifts, includingChristmas gifts for men at where you can read about these and other great Christmas gift ideas.

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Monday, November 19, 2007

Gratitude, and helping others

From today's mailbag:

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room 's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind 's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him a lone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:There is tremendous happiness i n making others happy, despite our own situations.Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Emotional Intelligence is Good for Your Health

HEALTH: PSYCHOLOGY; Researchers Add Sounds of Silence To the Growing List of Health Risks - New York Times

This article was written in 1988 by Daniel Goleman for the N. Y. Times, and still we are only beginning to deal with the idea of emotional intelligence, wellness and social support.

It's important to note that if you cannot connect with people emotionally, you can be isolated and lonely in a room full of people.

It is hard to ignore data like this. It makes a very compelling case for developing your emotional intelligence.

From the article:

Being cut off from friendships and one's family doubles a person's chances of sickness or death ...

Although social scientists have long known there was a strong association between loneliness and illness, it was unclear until recent studies which was the cause and which the effect.

But the new studies, summarized in the current issue of Science magazine, show that a lack of social relationships in and of itself heightens people's susceptibility to illness.

''The data shows that people who are isolated but healthy are twice as likely to die over the period of a decade or so as are others in the same health,'' said James House, a sociologist at the Institute of Social Research at University of Michigan, a co-author of the report.

The report, co-written by two other researchers ... summarizes studies ... on the effects isolation has on health that have been done over the last two decades. In the studies, more than 37,000 people were assessed over periods of up to 12 years.

... ''It's the 10 to 20 percent of people who say they have nobody with whom they can share their private feelings, or who have close contact with others less than once a week, who are at most risk,'' Dr. House said.

More Risky Than Smoking

In adding to the list of factors that put people at an increased risk for disease, the report said social isolation ''is as significant to mortality rates as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity and lack of physical exercise.''

''In fact, when age is adjusted for, social isolation is as great or greater a mortality risk than smoking,'' it added.

While smoking makes a person about 1.6 times more likely to develop illnesses of all kinds, social isolation makes a person twice as likely to become sick, the researchers said.
''After controlling for the effects of physical health, socioeconomic status, smoking, alcohol, exercise, obesity, race, life satisfaction and health care, the studies found that those with few or weak social ties were twice as likely to die as were those with strong ties,'' Dr. House said. '

Isolation is more devastating to men than to women ...

The comforting effect of another person's presence has been shown to lower not just heart rate and blood pressure but also the secretion of fatty acids that can block arteries.

Effect in Brain Theorized

One theory of why the presence of another person might help suggests that there is an effect in the brain from social contact. The theory holds that social contact inhibits activity in the posterior hypothalmic zone of the brain, lowering the rate of secretion of acetylcholine, cortisol and catecholamines, chemicals that trigger more rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and other physiological signs of stress.

Signs of Stress: The Body Reacts

Social isolation can have a broad range of physiological effects, notably on the brain and the cardiovascular system, among other major organs. Loneliness seems to lower the effectiveness of the immune system while increasing stress on the heart. One theory holds that social relationships can lower the rate of secretion of certain brain chemicals that cause rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and similar signs of stress.

To read the full article, follow the link above.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS SUFFERING FROM ISOLATION, coaching is a great route for them to take. It is contact with another person who has their interests at heart. It is just as effective by phone and email, from an experienced and knowledgeable coach. Emotional Intelligence coaching helps us learn the social skills that keep us from being isolated.

Note the effects on MEN.

Take the EQ Course, email me for coaching, .

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Great Leaders have Emotional Intelligence

Jumping on the Bandwagon, the Executive Leadership 360 Feedback Survey will now include emotional intelligence segments. According to their recent press realease, the ELS was created in 1989. The press release, The Booth Company Releases Updated Executive Leadership 360 Feedback Survey states that the "responsiblities of executives have evolved significantly since the ELS was created in 1989."

Well, probably not. Great leadership is still great leadership -- the same now as it has always been, and emotional intelligence has always been an integral part of it. It's just businesses recognizing the important of addressing, measuring and valuing it that has lagged.

Great leadership is what it always has been - see my articles on Napoleon, Peter the Great and others. It is heartening to see emotional intelligence being recognized. It will be even more heartening when adjectives such as "interesting model" are dispensed with. Great leadership is emotional intelligence in action.

From the article:

The everyday responsibilities of executives have evolved significantly since the ELS was created in 1989. Recent technological developments have led to greater amounts of communication, requiring executives to make decisions more frequently and within shorter timeframes.

Taking this into account, The Booth Company has included three new dimensions in the new
ELS: "Awareness of Others," "Self-Awareness" and "Self Management." These additions allow the executive to receive confidential feedback regarding his or her abilities to professionally interact with others, master personal impulses, and make rational choices in situations that often involve pressure and disagreement.

Evaluating such competencies has become an increasingly common industry practice in recent years, typically under the label of "emotional intelligence." Known as "E.Q." (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) - primarily to differentiate it from the more traditional intelligence assessment, I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) - emotional intelligence provides an interesting model to assess interpersonal leadership skills and rationality in pressured decision-making

For the complete press release, go here: The Booth Company Releases Updated Executive Leadership 360 Feedback Survey

To increase your emotional intelligene, email me at for coaching, Internet courses, and ebooks. Take THE EQ COURSE online.

Politicking - it takes emotional intelligence

How to Become a Local Political Power Broker Using 15 Simple Strategies is the name of the article. And political power is what we always need, wherever we are. In its purest since it means being able to work people and work with peoplem, for win-win outcomes.

From the article:

2) Map People's Networks: The secret of political power is understanding and using social networks. The connections of sympathy, obligation, self-interest, allegiance, and affection that flow through the networks of social connections between people is the key to persuading people to help you and those you represent. Human social maps are a very complex and ever-changing landscape requiring diligence, social adroitness, and constant attention to
maintain and use: dealing with the complexity of human relationships is why we have such enormous brains in the first place. Investigating and understanding people's social networks is a key asset for any political power broker. You must understand the social networks to which your neighborhood is connected, who are the key influencers in those networks, and what those influencers' motives and needs are. As to what you have to barter with in order to get those influencers to utilize their networks on your behalf, keep reading...

4) Learn to Ask People for Money: Having the combination of emotional intelligence and bulldog-like determination
... is rare.

For the rest of the article, go here: Blog For Arizona

If you would like to increase YOUR emotional intelligence, go HERE:

If you would like to become a certified coach, email me at for information on my coach training and certification program. Training and certifying coaches worldwide.

Thanksgiving Trivia

How much do you know about Thanksgiving and turkeys?
Take the turkey trivia quiz and find out:

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Use emotional Intelligence to win in the stock market

Emotional Intelligence helps you play the stock market and win. From Business Day -- "Street Dogs: The winning traits of market wizards" -- to read the whole article go here: Business Day - News Worth Knowing
Fenton-O’Creevy, who studied 118 professional traders for several European investment banks, found that successful traders tend to be emotionally stable introverts who are open to new experiences.

Trading coach Brett Steenbarger says his study of 64 traders demonstrates ... “one important lesson: success in trading is related to the ability to stay consistent and plan-driven."

Consultants at Market Psychology Consulting, a US firm that coaches market traders, found that the following characteristics produce superior results:

n Low emotional reactivity: Emotional stability is considered crucial, especially during periods of market turbulence. In one study [they] measured traders’ heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance while trading and found that more experienced traders had less physiological reactivity to information surprises.

n Low illusion of control and a belief in the occurrence of chance events.

n Low overconfidence: Referring to a misappraisal of one’s foresight, talent, and abilities as being better than they really are.

n High Self-discipline: As it relates to how we manage our impulses. Self-disciplined people are better able to control and channel their impulses towards goals.

n Self-awareness: In the sense of an enhanced consciousness of one’s own physical and emotional state. Additionally, self-aware individuals often have logical reasoning behind their choices and behaviour. Self-awareness is also one of the key traits of individuals who have high emotional intelligence.

If you would like to increase your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, and WIN, email me for coaching, Take THE EQ COURSE for better emotional intelligence, stability and self-awareness.

Monday, November 12, 2007

It Starts with Getting Enough Sleep!

One of the most important things we can do for our health is to get enough sleep. This directly relates to emotional intelligence, because often it is worries and thoughts or leftover emotions that keep us tossing and turning at night - even if we get to bed at a reasonable time.

This article has some typos, but it's still good advice:

You Don't Have Time To Sleep? Think Again!
by Enrique

You wake up early in the morning, rushing to get the day started. When you arrive at school or work, you immediately plow into a busy schedule of activities that take you right through your day. [Same and even moreso if you're at at-home parent!] When you're finished, you look forward to engaging in the activities that you enjoy the most, and squeeze as many of those into your days he possibly can. A little time for dinner, a little relaxation, and off to bed you go so that you can do it all again tomorrow.

Sound familiar? It's the life so many of us lead. Sleep. Eat. Work. And maybe find some time to play in the middle. Keeping a balance of these activities helps us make sure that were doing okay and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

What happens when we get out of balance? For many of us, the first thing to go when schedules get busy is sleep. Although it is so critically important, we tend to sacrifice sleep in place of doing things we enjoy or finishing things we must get done. The truth, however, is that most of us can't afford to lose much sleep. Many people don't get enough sleep as it is, and getting less sleep can have many negative facts on the other parts of our lives. The lack of sleep can have adverse effects on the physical, mental, and emotional parts of your life. The more obvious effects of sleep deprivation are the physical and mental problems that occur. Most people who are lacking sleep experience diminished alertness, reaction time, and memory.

What's not so obvious, though, are some of the long-term health problems that have been associated with sleep deprivation.Depression, heart problems and even obesity have been linked to the lack of sleep. The body does a lot of self – maintenance while sleeping. [Another thing that occurs during sleep is healing of any physical injuries, like strains and sprains.]

By releasing hormones like cortisol, it can combat circulatory diseases. The body also produces blood pressure and heart rate and the circulatory system is able to rest and recover in order to prepare for the next day. Lack of sleep can also affect the body's ability to produce white blood cells which are so important to fighting infections. Without sleep, the body also stops reacting properly to hunger. Leptin is a hormone that is created while sleeping and allows the body to properly sense when it has enough food. Without proper levels of leptin, people feel hungry and will eat more food than they need. This can lead to many other problems including obesity.

So how much that you really need? The number varies significantly for each and every person, but the national sleep foundation has come up with a basic set of guidelines to fit individuals in various stages of life. Most adults will find themselves needing between seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Teenagers, typically need 8 ½ to 9 ¼ hours of sleep per night, while school children will need 10 to 11 hours of sleep every night.

To read the rest of the article go here:

About The Author: Enrique Padilla is an avid sleeper andcontributes a wide variety of articles to Foam Bed Advisor,, which is full of informationabout memory foam beds, mattresses, pillows and mattresstoppers.

The bottom line on emotional intelligence is always WELLNESS. Keeping the balance in your life, and attending to your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. I begin coaching sessions with the EQ Checkin (tm): "How are you feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and mentally." I've found that people who are sleep-deprived start with "physical."

As the holidays approach, take care of your self - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I will be available for consultation all through the holidays, and one-time sessions are fine.

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The Boss' Mood Affects Productivity

New Vision Online : How a boss’ mood affects productivity

It doesn't take an "expert" to tell us that some bosses are wonderful to work for and therefore get the best out of us, and also have high retention rates of excellent employees ... while others are not. The emotional intelligence of the boss is critical. If you'd like to increase yours, take THE EQ COURSE . Sign up everyone in the office -- it really works!

I was at a workplace the other day that had had nearly 100% turnover in the past 18 months. One of the workers there told me, "How can you work in a place that makes you feel this way about yourself? I'm good at what I do. One week at this place and I felt like a loser. That's never happened before."

If vested self-interest is the only thing that works, this boss puts himself in the position of having to interview, hire, and then train, continually. He is constantly having to work with someone new, which adds to his frustration. Who needs that? It is annoying, costly, and highly ineffective. It is hard to get good systems in place when the faces keep changing.

From the article (and BTW, it's from Uganda - if you think emotional intelligence isn't sweeping the world and giving us a common language for dealing with problems):

A BOSS’ mood and behaviour drive the moods and behaviour of everyone else. The environment an inspirational boss creates is different from the one a cranky and insensitive one would. High levels of emotional intelligence promote information-sharing, trust, healthy risk-taking and learning flourish. Low levels create fear and anxiety.

According to experts, the most effective leaders display moods and behaviour that match the situation at hand, with a healthy dose of optimism. They respect how other people feel. This behaviour, which in management parlance is called resonance, has four components of emotional intelligence in action.

Email me at for personal coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks to improve the quality of your life, success and happiness. Visit for ideas! Emotional Intelligence really works.

The Boss' Mood Affects Productivity

New Vision Online : How a boss’ mood affects productivity

It doesn't take an "expert" to tell us that some bosses are wonderful to work for and therefore get the best out of us, and also have high retention rates of excellent employees ... while others are not. The emotional intelligence of the boss is critical. If you'd like to increase yours, take THE EQ COURSE . Sign up everyone in the office -- it really works!

I consulted in a place the other day that had had nearly 100% turnover in the past 18 months. One of the workers there told me, "How can you work in a place that makes you feel this way about yourself? I'm good at what I do. One week at this place and I felt like a loser. That's never happened before." If vested self-interest is the only thing that works, this boss puts himself in the position of having to interview, hire, and then train, continually. Who needs that? It is annoying, costly, and highly ineffective.

From the article:

A BOSS’ mood and behaviour drive the moods and behaviour of everyone else. The environment an inspirational boss creates is different from the one a cranky and insensitive one would. High levels of emotional intelligence promote information-sharing, trust, healthy risk-taking and learning flourish. Low levels create fear and anxiety.

According to experts, the most effective leaders display moods and behaviour that match the situation at hand, with a healthy dose of optimism. They respect how other people feel. This behaviour, which in management parlance is called resonance, has four components of emotional intelligence in action.

Email me at for personal coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks to improve the quality of your life, success and happiness. Visit for ideas!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

How to Change Your Response to Conflict

How we respond to conflict and anger is learned early in childhood and if we don't gain self-awareness and emotional awareness, we carry these patterns over into adulthood, where they are not effective.

This article gives a great introduction to emotional intelligence. For more learning, get emotional intelligence coaching (email me at ) or take THE EQ COURSE. This course is excellent for anger management as well.

From the article: Workplace Coach: Response to conflict learned at early age


Be aware of your emotional patterns.

Understand that we co-create what's working and not working with others.

Identify what you are feeling (feelings inform you about the importance and meaning of a situation) and then choose your behavior. Recent brain-scan research indicates that naming your feeling when upset (either to yourself or out loud) can get you out of "lizard" mode and back into prefrontal cortex thinking mode (where your odds of successful resolution are greatly enhanced).

Get help -- hire a coach or get training in conflict resolution and interpersonal practices.

Notice when you slip into your childhood emotional state, then choose to behave as a

Veterans' Day 2007

Ray Garrett, Sr.

Ray Garrett, Jr.

The men in my family who served.
We should all be grateful for the sacrifice and service of our military people and veterans.

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Friday, November 09, 2007

IT Strategy at Genentech Includes Emotional Intelligence

Model IT Department at Genentech Focuses on Using Emotional Intelligence
According to the ITStrategy Blog, Genetech, a San Francisco based biotech firm has a model IT department: "Todd Pierce who is the VP of Corporate IT of Genentech is instrumental in changing the way the IT department functions. I think, they have a model that every company’s IT department should study and try to emulate." It includes building emotional intelligence into the model.

From the article:

With no incentives to focus on customer needs, most of the time the IT department is not in alignment with the business needs of the organization. To focus on the needs of the customers, Genentech’s IT department is training its IT workers with ‘soft skills’ like emotional intelligence. They have identified their core competence and differentiation which Mr. Pierce calls ‘empathy-driven’. By aligning their IT department with the core competencies and their corporate culture, IT department is going to play an important role in Genentech’s Business Strategy.

To read the rest of the article go here: IT Strategy

Get Emotional Intelligence on your resume. Take THE EQ COURSE . Individual coaching and business programs also available. Email me at for more information.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Reptilian Brain

Reptilian Brain

From today's mailbag:

Hi Susan.I have read a lot of your articles & I am a fan. I am attempting to publish my book, Tales From the Cafe: Featuring the Brain Stem. In it, I quote you extensively... I have a short excerpt posted on includes your quotes. You have been an invaluable resource in my learning about the reptilian brain...............Brooke S. Musterman

Email me at

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Thanksgiving - Holiday Manners and Emotional Intelligence

Thanksgiving Dinner Etiquette- Holiday Manners
How to be a great Thanksgiving Guest, and have a more enjoyable time! It's all about emotional intelligence.

From the article:

The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they? More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat with our fingers, so perhaps you need a brush-up on the basics of formal – shall we say “civilized” dining – before the great Thanksgiving feast.

Rules of civilized dining evolved because, according to Margaret Visser (“Rituals of Dinner”), “animals are slaughtered and consumed, the guest-host relationship is … a complicated interweaving of the imposition of obligation and the suspension of hostility, and the ordinary table knife is related to actual weapons of war.”

email me at . You may wish to take the Difficult People course in preparation for the holidays. It's on the Internet, with practical tips to get you through.

The holidays are a great time to increase your emotional intelligence, because you will get lots of opportunities. :-)

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The New Job Interview - It's about Personality and EQ

Bosses Try New Ways to Skip Misfit Hires: Financial News - Yahoo! Finance

You've got to have emotional intelligence to ace the new interview.
From the article -- as bosses try to find the right kind of people to work for them:

With the national unemployment rate low, at 4.7 percent, and the Baby Boom
generation heading into retirement, employers from Microsoft Corp. to rural
hospitals are worrying about finding enough workers. But companies like
Rackspace Managed Hosting are bucking that trend, working hard to find reasons
to turn people away.

Rackspace CEO Lanham Napier said, "We'd rather miss a good one than hire a bad one."
The 1,900-person computer server hosting company is divided into 18- to 20-person teams. One team is so close, the whole group shows up to help when one member moves into a new home, Napier said. Job interviews at the San Antonio-based company last all day, as interviewers try to rub away fake pleasantness.

"They're here for nine or 10 hours," Napier said. "We're very cordial about it. We're not aggressive, but we haven't met a human being yet who has the stamina to BS us all day."

There's a possible downside, however. In a Harvard Business Review article titled "Fool vs. Jerk: Whom Would You Hire?" Tiziana Casciaro of Harvard and Miguel Sousa Lobo of Duke University point out that people generally like people who are similar to them, so hiring for congeniality can limit diversity of opinions. One venture capitalist told the authors that a capable manager he worked with built a team that "had a great time going out for a beer, but the quality of their work was seriously compromised."

To learn more about your emotional intelligence, take THE EQ COURSE. It will increase your EQ and also give you an idea what the new employers are interviewing FOR.

This course is also excellent for ANGER MANAGEMENT.

Monday, November 05, 2007


A coach is someone who helps you discover your dream, and then go for it!

Enjoy this video -- and hats off to all the "grannies" in this world.

If you like this sort of work, why not get certified to be a coach? Check out or email me at . I have trained and certified coaches all over the world. This program is highly-rated, fast, effective, affordable, flexible, and there is NO RESIDENCY REQUIREMENT. Why waste your time and money on travel when we can do it by Internet, email and phone?
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Dealing with the Alpha Male

Men in Power « intuitive * introverted * creative

Check out this great article on Nancy's blog.

It's an interview with Photographer Harry Benson quoted in the New York Social Diary.

From the blog:

Q: Did you ever photograph Bob Dole, because everyone says he’s really funny?
A: Yes, but a terrible temper. And so does Bill Clinton … oh terrible! Goes red! Just screaming and red-faced … eyes bulging!
Q: You mean screaming at underlings?
A: Maybe, but the underling might be the Secretary of State or somebody!

To read the rest of the article go here: Men in Power « intuitive * introverted * creative

It ends with an EQ tip:

"And then they would stop and they would look at you, and what you must never do is meet their eyes … you’re more like a primate. If you meet their eyes, you’ve had it!"

To learn more about emotional intelligence, nonverbal communication and difficult people, take THE EQ COURSE. You will never regret it!
It's good for anger management, and also for manging the rage of others.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Dating for Shy Guys

Dating for Shy Guys

"Language is a behavior potentially under our control," says the article, "and a powerful loop. Its how we act upon the world, and how the world acts upon us. Its how we express our thoughts and feelings, and it also influences our thoughts and feelings. This includes what we say to ourselves as well as what others say to us. Barring physical force, language is how we get what we want."

Some of the Tips:
1. Manage your self-talk about women.
2. Manage your self-talk about dating.
3. Manage your language when you're out.
4. Overgeneralization.
5. Polarized Thinking.

For the rest of the article, go here: the oryal beatty

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Friday, November 02, 2007

How to Use the Holidays

If you'd like to learn more about your emotions -- get ready for the lessons!

The planet Mars is coming as close to earth as it gets in mid-November. We think we saw it the other night, big and bright. It's fitting because I just read Clousewitz on War, and A History of Warfare, by John Keegan. I also brushed up on my emotional intelligence. Why?

Because Mars is named for the god of War, and war has been around a long time - anger, violence, arguments, conflict - but like any energy, this energy can be used for good things, or bad things. It's self-protective (we fight to protect ourselves or our loved ones, or our possessions), but if you let this energy get out of hand, or misinterpret or over-react to threats, you miss all the better ways to manifest your "warrior spirit."

In the coming weeks we will have the holidays and the political scene, football, our relationships and our work situations to explore this energy with. How you experience the holidays will depend on how prepared you are -- emotionally. It is a time of intense extremes. Coaching can help you keep perspective. I'll be available all through the holidays for sessions. Email me at .

This intense time of year can make us more prone to temper tantrums, outbursts, violence, and even cruelty. But it can also bring fighting spirit for good things, bravery and even heroic acts.

Our emotional energy needs to be understood and modulated.

Beware of:
  • Addictions rearing their ugly heads
  • All the negative emotions - anger, guilt, worry and fear
  • Extreme highs and extreme lows
  • Fighting
  • Over-reactions - including rescuing and over-helping
  • Increased stress from hiding anger and negative energy we don't know how to deal with
  • Intense startups that exhaust us and then peter our (one-week exercise program, the 2-day "diet")
  • Fanaticism and proselytizing
  • Stress, stress, stress - chemicals that exhaust and stress you and related health problems, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Remember that unless you trap them, emotions come and go. Don't FOCUS on the downside, keep centered, focus on the good, and "just say no" to the emotional rollercoaster. In other words don't focus on what you fear and/or want to avoid; that gives it power and traps it. Focus instead on good outcomes and positive things.

Email me @ for my

Email consultation, phone, THE EQ COURSE