Thursday, February 26, 2009

Inspiration for Hard Times

The tiniest changes yield massive results. Tony Robbins.

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All About Emotions

Emotional Intelligence means being aware of and able to identify your emotions, i.e., how you feel. Margaret Loris, the SunHealer, has made a neat podcast about emotions. She says:

Let your emotions flow…
Want more emotional intelligence?
Here is a transmission of 300 emotions that will expand your awareness of how you feel.
As you learn to identify and name your emotions, you grow and become more skilled at creating more of the emotions you desire.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Know what game you're playing

Listen to Mickey Rourke about training for "The Wrestler". Keep this in mind if you're having to start anything new - career, job, relationship, etc. He had to UNlearn one thing in order to learn another.


In boxing you're taught to hide everything
Broke every rule I was ever taught
The actual grunting was real
Like ping pong and rugby, completely different sports
With wrestling, it's all choreographed like a dance ... you work with the other person
What I really didn't know was, you do actually get hurt
Got hurt more in 3 months at wrestling, than a career in boxing
It does hurt ... I was so glad when the movie was over
The best movie I ever made, and the hardest movie I ever made

The last quote reminds me of something the minister I worked with, John McMullen, would tell people when he was convincing them to take a volunteer job, over which they protested that it would be "too hard" -- He would say something like -- This will be the most challenging thing you can do, and therefore the most rewarding.

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How to Respond to Change

How to handle change? Something we all need to remember, or learn, these days.

Brett Steenbarger is the author of "The Psychology of Trading" and has an interesting blog called TraderFeeding. One post is about Emotional Intelligence and Trading.

From what I glean, Steenbarger doesn't want to be quoted ("republicated") so I won't. But read his blog. It's interesting. Topics include Listening as a Core Trading Skill, Following the Stock Market like a Psychologist: Catching Shifts in Market Behavior, and Trading and Mental Flexibility.

One can liken Emotional Intelligence to being able to adjust to shifts. It's more than that, but it includes that.

Steenbarger points out that -- this is a relief! -- we don't have to be able to PREDICT shifts (in the market, in our lives, in others), just be able to identify them in a timely manner, process them correctly, and respond to them.

One of his commentators writes that getting to know the stock market is like getting to know someone. That you can't learn about it in a book.

Good stuff on this blog. Check it out. I imagine his books are fascinating as well.

For those who eschew "emotions" - which is silly, since they are always there, and the moreso when ignored - I've always maintained that the stock market, considered the bastion of the non-emotional-male, is one of the most emotional things around. (Emotions give us information.)

Notice how one optimistic word from Bernanke and the US stock market rises -- and also the Asian markets.

Every time I read dire forecasts, I see the lemmings going over the cliff.

Take note - leaders, parents, CEOs, bosses - the power of your "predictions".

To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, take The EQ Course(tm). It's online.
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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

How to Manage Change in Hard Times: Don't Micro-Manage

Micro-Managing breeds more distrust ...

On the Project Management blog, Jonathan Gilbert, PMP, director of client solutions for ESI International talks about Managing Change Through a Downturn:

“Trust needs to be the underlying environment in any change initiative,” advises Gilbert. “Currently, there is a paucity of trust in organisations, as organisational members question the need for downsizing, and organisation leaders wonder how hard everyone is really working. My experience tells me that when times get tough, leaders tend to deal with the massive disequilibrium of tough times by micro-managing, which breeds even more distrust.”

Read the article for Gilbert's three steps for successful change initiatives.

Gilbert then lists his four top skills for improving your abilities to manage change successfully:

1. Deep listening: the ability to hear and empathise with the people being impacted by the change
2. Emotional intelligence: a facility to understand the physiological, neurological and emotional responses that we all have to change in our lives
3. Questioning: the ability to ask questions that allow people to have their own insights about what the change really means (as a leader, you cannot tell people what insights they should have – they have to arrive at them on their own)
4. Patience: an ability to suspend urgency for a time while people work through their responses to change because everyone will adapt to change at different rates.

Good words. To improve your emotional intelligence, take The EQ Course.

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Difficult People

Things you can use:

One way to raise a person's awareness of and honesty about their own behavior without causing undue shame is to ask them, in the context of their complaints and criticisms about others: "Did you make your needs explicit?"

McWilliams, Psychoanalytic Diagnosis

Emotional Intelligence starts with self-awareness.

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

A Scientist& Violinist Spends His Last Days with a 10-time AWA World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion

Pallas et le Centaure: C'est un sensuel, un brutal, un débauché, un violent ...

In the newspaper today:

HEADS UP when you're on the Internet.

90,000 registered sex offenders were found to have MySpace profiles, and the site removed their profiles.

5,585 convicted sex offenders were voluntarily removed by Facebook.

This gives you an idea of the size and nature of the two sites. It is also a cautionary tale for those who play on the Internet.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (under investigation and "alleged" at this point)

In a story that almost could have been from a movie, by some cruel twist of fate, a research scientist and symphony violinist who fled Nazi Germany, ends up rooming at a place called Friendship Village with a former 10-time AWA World Heavyweight wrestling champion who had also been drafted by a pro football team and inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

The two do not get along, they fight, and the scientist/musician ends up dead.

While the investigation centers around Gagne, as contributing, it is doubtful he would be charged because of his "mental state." He has, however, been dismissed from the living facility.

What seems to have been missed here, is that someone allowed these two men to be roommates, when it was known that they didn't get along, and that the younger man (by 15 years) had been a professional athlete, while the older man was a cultured intellectual; a man of Arts and Science. In fact, Gutmann did not retire from his job as a cancer research scientist until he was already in his 80s. He played violin for 12 years with the Bloomington Symphone Orchestra.

Wikipedia says it is also speculated that Gagne, in addition to dementia, might had had chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) caused by a lifetime of head injuries. His claim to fame was the sleeper hold.

R.I.P., Herr Doctor Gutmann. I cannot think but that his last days were filled with fear and anxiety.

And our hearts go out to both familes, for a misfortune which never should have happened.

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Friday, February 20, 2009

Etiquette for an Economic Crisis

How to Tell Friends and Family You Can't Afford it - a timely video.

Trying times - what's going on right now - means brushing up on your etiquette.

One good tip from the video - When you talk about the job you lost, be sure you're rid of all the anger.

For the listener, I would add - keep in mind, at the top of your mind that more and more people may be short on funds these days. Think before you issue an invitation. Bear in mind that they may not be able to afford what you can, or what they previously could. In other words be sensitive to their situation.


Don't suggest the priciest restaurant in town. And make it gracious. "Lets meet for dinner. How about the XXX Buffet? I'm ready to RELAX ... how about you? In other words, offer a "reason." It doesn't have to be that believable. Just offer it.

Offer to treat the other person. Why not? I heard my sister tell someone she was treating, because they didn't have any money, 'Your money's no good here.'

For a charitable donation? I'm sorry I can't do it right now, but thanks for asking.

If you're the lucky one in the family (or social set) who "has" when someone else "has not" be generous. Why not?

In our family we had a wedding in the fall in another state. One family member doesn't have enough money to travel. Her invitation included a check to cover airfare with just a note "We expect you to come."

Made it nice, palatable, classy.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Perspective - on the Employment Crisis, or Anything Else

Thoughts for today come from the emailbag. My clients and correspondents are savvy and practice learned optimism:

From Nancy, who has started a group to help people who suddenly find themselves without a job:

Despite high unemployment rates, major job losses and decreasing employment numbers, the latest numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics showed 22 states recording measurably lower unemployment rates than the national average -- 7.2 percent -- in December 2008.

Wyoming recorded the lowest unemployment rate, 3.4 percent, followed closely by North Dakota, at 3.5 percent. Total employment increased in only one state, Louisiana, and the District of Columbia. Louisiana improved by 3,700 and employment in the District of Columbia increased by 100.

From Richard:

But many emotions are "caused" by the intellect (as opposed to immediate stimuli). All anxiety about the future, for instance, is simply reactions to scenarios invented by the mind and played out in the imagination. There's no intelligence in THOSE emotions. They are just responding to stimuli produced by the intellect without any connnection to what is "really" happening. You feel emotions in response to what is happening and to what you think might happen, or did happen, or what you thought happened, or want happen, or wanted to happen.

From Laura:

Abrasive executives rub their coworkers the wrong way. Their words and actions create interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and superiors, grinding away at trust and motivation, inflicting deep wounds and disrupting the smooth flow of work. The management styles of abrasive executives include one or more of the following characteristic behaviors: overcontrol, overreaction, threats, public humiliation, and/or condescension.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Trade Routes

Woodcutting of the formation of the Hanseatic League, around 1241 (left). Below, a map of the trading route of the Hanseatic League.

The Hanseatic league was a collection of traders, merchants and guilds, who traded goods and bartered and negotiated for trade routes, terrifs, entrance into new ports and countries, and so forth. My ancestor on one side of the family, the Stolterfohts, were members of the Hanseatic League.

ABOUT THOSE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED ... where they come from and how we get them.
How to Attract a Man? Well, the perfume makers would have you believe it's in the scent you wear. And the scent that is the greatest aphrodisiac for males is ...?

Fragrances began with frankinscense and myrrh, and spices, which were not available all over the world. As traders brought them to new places they were immediately desired (like silk from China) and the demand was created. The early traders and merchants then worked to meet this demand, and to make money in the process. Some of the early spices and herbs may also have been, or have been considered, medicinal or aphrodisiacal.

At first only the very rich could afford these wonderful things.

Ever wonder where that cinnamon on your Cinnabon comes from? The cinnamon on the top of your Tiramisu ... your cinnamon toast ... the thing that makes apple pie apple pie ... the scent that is said to be the greatest turnon for men .. ?

According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations this is the source of World Spice Production in tons, 2003–2004, data from FAOSTAT:

India 1 600 000 86%
China 66 000 4%
Bangladesh 48 000 3%
Pakistan 45 300 2%
Turkey 33 000 2%
Nepal 15 500 1%
Other countries 60 900 3%
Total 1 868 700 100%

In the early days, trade routes were established to make money. Asia for instance had spices and knew that Europe wanted them. The way they got from place to place was called a trade route. Some were by land, others were by sea.

Successful trade required many talents. One of them was knowing how to get along, negotiating with other parties, and petitioning the rules of the territories they wanted to enter. Many trade negotiations, treaties and agreements were formed that precluded war.
According to wikipedia:

Hansa societies worked to remove restrictions to trade for their members. For example, the merchants of the Cologne Hansa convinced Henry II of England to free them (1157) from all tolls at London and allowed them to trade at fairs throughout England.

Lübeck was a key location. On the Baltic, it provided trade access for to Scandinavia and Kiev Rus, which put it in direct competition with the Scandinavians who at that time controlled most of the Baltic trade routes. They achieved a treaty - or agreement - with the Visby Hansa which put an end to cthe ompetition. In the same agreement, the Lübeck merchants gained access to the inland Russian port of Novgorod, where they built a trading post or Kontor. Other such alliances formed throughout the Holy Roman Empire. ... The League primarily traded timber, furs, resin (or tar), flax, honey, wheat, and rye from the east to Flanders and England with cloth (and, increasingly, manufactured goods) going in the other direction. Metal ore (principally copper and iron) and herring came southwards from Sweden.

The precious cinnamon? The spice trade drove the world economy from the late Middle Ages well into modern times. Modern times? It's probably never occurred to you ... but how would you like to go without cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, sugar?? In fact, the early trade routes were also called Incense Routes.

From wikipedia:

Spices such as cinnamon, cassia, cardamom, ginger, and turmeric were known, and used for commerce, in the Eastern World well into antiquity. These spices found their way into the Middle East before the beginning of the Common Era, where the true sources of these spices was withheld by the traders, and associated with fantastic tales. The Egyptians had traded in the Red Sea, importing spices from the "Land of Punt" and from Arabia. Luxury goods traded along the Incense Route included Indian spices, ebony, silk and fine textiles.

The spice trade was associated with overland routes early on but maritime routes proved to be the factor which helped this trade grow. The Ptolemaic dynasty had eveloped trade with India using the Red Sea ports. With the establishment of Roman Egypt, the Romans further developed the already existing trade. As early as 80 BC, Alexandria became the dominant trading center for Indian spices entering the Greco-Roman world. Indian ships sailed to Egypt. The thriving maritime routes of Southern Asia were not under the control of a single power, but through various systems eastern spices were brought to the major spice trading port of Calicut in India.

Overland routes helped the spice trade initially, but maritime trade routes led to tremendous growth in commercial activities. During the high and late medieval periods Muslim traders dominated maritime spice trading routes throughout the Indian Ocean ... shipping spices from trading emporiums in India westward to the Persian Gulf and the Red Sea, from which overland routes led to Europe.

The trade was transformed by the European Age of Discovery, during which spice trade became an influential activity for European traders.

The discovery of the American continent was driven by the spice trade. The United East India Company forged alliance with the principal producers of cloves and nutmeg. The growing competition led to rival nations resorting to military means for control of the spice trade.
Early uses ( also included medicinal, magical, symbolic, for washing, for masking bad odors, and for repelling insects:
The statuesque herb angelica has been used in pagan and Christian festivals for centuries. It is indigenous to cold northern Europe, and its name is derived from a legend in which an angel appears to a monk in a dream and tells him this plant can cure the plague. It was also believed that angelica protected a person carrying it against witches and their spells. Other sweet herbs such as lavender and rosemary sweetened washing water to scent clothes and, strewed around rooms, repelled insects and masked unpleasant smells.
So, next time your smell the cinnamon bun as you drive by Whataburger, think of .. a world of things. The scent comes from the essential oils - bet you use this too. And black pepper, we haven't metioned that. It's a spice. One I could't live without. lists the origin of spices and herbs -- nutmeg (Indonesia), ginger (Asia), cloves (Mollucas), cinnamon (Sri Lanka), allspice (West Indies), . Not a one is grow on the North American continent.
And perhaps the most popular (and under-noticed of all) >> VANILLA. Ta da! Some vanilla is grown in Florida.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

About the Personalities of Joe Biden and Barack Obama, and about Etiquette

THE QUALITY OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED is the frequent quote of a gentleman lawyer friend of mine, a man with real social grace, emotional intelligence, and etiquette. It has to do with the exercise of power and the example one sets. Mr. Valdez, you see, is named partner in a law firm.
The article, by Maureen Dowd, is called Oval Newlywed Game. It uses old terminology - the superego and the id:

It can’t be easy, for someone with a highly defined superego to be bound to the wacky Biden id, for one so disciplined to be tied to one so undisciplined, for a man so coolly unsentimental to be paired with someone so exuberantly sentimental.
I love Dowd. οἱ πολλοί ... id ... Jane Austen ... all in one article. And hoi polloi is spelled correctly, not surprisingly.
The article points the different personalities of these men, which is to say, their brains are different. Is this about right-brain, left-brain and whole-brain? Personality, they say, resides in the reptilian brain - our early-learned and ever-enduring (unless one wants to change) ways of perceiving the world, reacting to it, and relating to it. We can ameliorate these ancient patterns, with the higher brains - the limbic and the neo-cortex (right-brain and left-brain, with corpus callosum joining). I might say that Obama has more of an observing ego. And who has the higher emotional intelligence here? The better etiquette?
But the POINT of Dowd's article is all about emotional intelligence and etiquette. For Obama will have to deal with these aspects of Biden's personality, and how he does this will say more about him (superego notwithstanding) than about Biden. Obama has been noted to respond, in interviews, with what Dowd calls "snarky comments" (like "not surprisingly"). Writes Dowd:
It was the “not surprisingly” that was surprisingly snarky.

So snarky, that it's being parodied on SNL, which is brutal about that sort of thing. What more can I say?

The remedy, the etiquette, how a gentleman behaves? What we all know about situations like these. Dowd closes with:

Still, the president should brush up on his Jane Austen. When Emma
Woodhouse belittles Miss Bates, an older and poorer friend, at a picnic, Mr.
Knightly pulls her aside to remonstrate. “How could you be so insolent in your
wit?” he chides, reminding her that it is unfeeling to humble someone less
fortunate in front of others who will be guided by the way she behaves.

That’s how it works ... not surprisingly.

Jane Austen? I'm afraid many readers won't have read Jane Austen, the author of "Emma." This is from the time of 'comedies of manners.' From wikipedia:

Also, it turns out, [Emma] ... is rather spoiled; and, she overvalues her personal judgment and skills...and, she is naive —clueless, even— about the effects of her social machinations on others. Prior to starting the novel, Austen wrote, "I am going to take a heroine whom no-one but myself will much like."

Unlike me, as well, I hope. And you?
Remember ... others are watching. Especially when you're the Leader. They will be "guided by the way [you] behave."

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Even Monkeys have a Sense of Fairness


"Personal integrity is important, not because it gets us what we want, but because it helps us be what we want." - Michael Josephson

Monkeys have a Sense of Morality - London, Press Trust of India

I was in a store today that I frequently visit. Two of the employees were talking, one of them very angry, and I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard the word "fair." The one young man said he was giving his notice that day, that their manager had been "unfair" - giving others less hours, more time off, arranging things to suit others and making him take up the slack, and not appreciating his hard work. The other agreed and said she would quit when she could. Every one of us who frequents the store knows what good workers these two are; far better than the others who work there, and this certainly indicates low emotional intelligence on the part of the manager.

Perhaps you're a boss or owner who can't keep good workers ... Perhaps you're an employee who can't believe how unfair your manager is ... or why it matters to you so much (or if it should) ... How important is FAIRNESS?

From the article "Monkeys have a Sense of Morality" reporting on the research of Prof Frans de Waal of Emory University in Georgia:

**Both monkeys and apes can make judgments about fairness
**Both monkeys and apes offer altruistic help and empathize when a fellow animal is ill or in difficulties
**Both monkeys and apes have consciences as well as the rudimentary ability to remember obligations
The animals were asked to perform a set of simple tasks and then rewarded with food or affection...The study found that the animals had an acute sense of fairness and objected strongly when others were rewarded more than themselves for the same task, often sulking and refusing to take part any further....

Another experiment looked at altruism in chimps -- it found they were often willing to help others even when there was no obvious reward. "Chimpanzees spontaneously help both humans and each other in carefully controlled tests," he said.
Perhaps most heartening of all:

"Everything else being equal, they prefer to reward a companion together with themselves rather than just themselves ... [T]he research suggests that giving is self-rewarding for monkeys," De Waal said.

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

One Love, One Heart, Let's Get Together and Feel Alright

Playing for Change: Peace Through Music

One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel alright

¸„ø¤º°¨Bob Marley``°º¤ø„

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Friday, February 13, 2009

Improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

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Let's Get It On

Download FREE Marvin Gaye's "Lets Get it On" now through February 14th.
To get your free download, go HERE. Click here for the 100 Most Romantic Albums of all Time.

A Valentine's/Friday the 13th/Economic Crisis/Job searching/Moving Gift for You - FREE Mini-Course on Finger Healing

<----This is the Vitarka Mudra. You probably know of the benefits of finger tapping, and the healing properties of mudras. The Vitarka Mudra (mudra of discussion) is made by joining the tips of the thumb and the index together, keeping the other fingers straight, and turning the palm outward. (as pictured).

The Jnana Mudra ("mudra of knowledge), which you'll see and learn about in the OBAMA VIDEO, also known as "pure awareness free of conceptual emcumbrances", is done by touching the tips of the thumb and index finger together, forming a circle. The hand is held with the palm inward, toward the heart.

Click HERE for FREE Mini-course on Finger Healing.

Whatever the stress - Valentine's Day, Friday the 13th, loss of job, fear about economy, that lover who won't make a committment, public speaking, or a root canal ... finger tapping and finger healing can help.


Watch this video on how Obama uses some of these gestures while speaking. It looks like he is doing the Vitarka Mudra in this opening shot. What do you think? (also described as combining spirituality and physicality, asking for aid from above)

Don't miss my article in TIME MAGAZINE. Susan Dunn, Executive Coach in Dallas ... "Are Hugs the New Handshakes".

As stated in the article, "...last month ...[Obama] bestowed no fewer than nine hugs on senior male staffers at a single meeting."

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Susan Dunn Executive Coach in Time article

There's a hug, and then there's a hug

Susan Dunn, M.A., Executive Coach, is quoted in Time Magazine, Are Hugs the New Handshakes?,
By Laura Fitzpatrick

And let's not forget the increasing popularity of workplace hugs, which can be especially confusing, notes Susan Dunn, an executive coach in Dallas. "I have to say, 'O.K., there's a hug, and then there's a hug,'" she notes, the kind that can get HR involved.

For executive coaching, contact me at
Coaching in etiquette also available.

Permanent link:,9171,1879201,00.html?iid=perma_share

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Koala Love Story Brings Hope after Australian Fires

Love Heals ... Koala Love Story Wins Hearts after Deadly Fires in Australia
Watch the koala bear extend its hand when help arrives ...

See story here.

Rescuers said it was extremely rare to get so close to a koala. If you've ever tried to help a harmed or injured animal, you know that some will and some won't. The same with humans. Sam recognized help when it arrived and reached out for it. And therefore she will survive. Also with the help of her now love, Bob.

Said Tree, the rescuer:

"I yelled out for some water and I sat down with her and tipped the water up. It was in my hand and she reached for the bottle then put her right claw into my left hand which was cold so it must have given her some pain relief and she just left it there. It was just amazing."

Sometimes we need a rest from the battlefield. Read about the Retreats offered by Executive Coach Dorothy Larios, so aptly named The Rest of Your Life.

"A Retreat is: a time to withdraw from all the distractions and responsibilities in the world; a place and time to get re-acquainted with yourself; a solitary space for renewal, a safe haven, a snug den or a refuge."

Koalas are so much a part of life in Australia.

clipped from



DEDICATED TO<br />MY SON<br />PETER<br />AND ALL OTHER<br />PETERS<br />AND<br />JOHNS<br />AND<br />BOBS<br />AND<br />TOMS<br />AND<br />MARYS<br />AND<br />BETTYS<br />AND<br />JOANS<br />AND<br />PATS<br />AND<br />ALL KIND CHILDREN
  • This is Me
    CHAPTER ONE<br />The New Arrival
    The bush was alive with excitement. Mrs Koala had a brand new baby, and
    the news spread like wildfire. The kookaburras in the highest gum-trees
    heard of it, and laughed and chuckled at the idea. In and out of their
    burrows the rabbits came scuttling, their big brown eyes opening wide
    with wonder as they heard the news. Over the grass the message went
    where Mrs Kangaroo was quietly hopping towards her home. She fairly
    leapt in the air with joy. "I must tell Mr Kangaroo!" she cried and
    bounded away in great hops and leaps. Even Mrs Snake, who was having a
    nap, awoke, gave a wriggle, and blinked her wicked little eyes. The
    whole bushland was twittering with the news, for a baby bear was a great
    event. Mrs Koala had a baby every two years, and as Mrs Rabbit had
    very, very many during that time, you can just imagine how surprised
    everyone was. In the fork of a gum-tree, far above the ground, Mrs Koala
    nursed her baby
     blog it

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    Wednesday, February 11, 2009

    FBI Investigates Corporate Fraud

    With the $50 billion Ponzi scheme of Madoff, and other fraud in the markets, it's time to try something different.

    clipped from
    The FBI is conducting more than 500 investigations of corporate fraud amid the financial meltdown.
    FBI Deputy Director John Pistole is describing the bureau's efforts to the Senate Judiciary Committee.
    Pistole says there are 530 active corporate fraud investigations, and 38 of them involve corporate fraud and financial institution matters directly related to the economic crisis.
    Also appearing before the committee is Neil Barofsky, the watchdog of the government's $700 billion Wall Street rescue package passed last year.
    Senate Democrats are urging more spending to expand the ranks of the FBI's financial fraud investigators.
     blog it

    Tuesday, February 10, 2009

    Nonverbal Communication Reveals Status

    Body Language Reveals Wealth from Not just a wealth of information about you, but what wealth and status you have.

    From the article:

    A flashy handbag or Armani suit can signal a person's wealth, but so can their body language, according to a new study. People of higher socioeconomic status are more rude when conversing with others.

    Psychologists Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner of the University of California, Berkeley, ... looked for certain gestures that indicate level of interest in the other person during one-minute slices of each conversation. .. They found that students whose parents were from higher socioeconomic status (SES) backgrounds engaged in more of what he called "impolite" behaviors, such as grooming, doodling and fidgeting. Lower SES students showed more "I'm interested" gestures, including laughter and raising of the eyebrows.
    Research appeared in January issue of Psychological Science.

    If you want to know more about nonverbal communication, and how to manage yours, order "Nonverbal Communication" or take The EQ Course. Email me for more information - Coaching includes personal assessment of your own nonverbal communication gestures, expressions, etc.

    Clearly it pays to know what your nonverbal communication reveals about you, and how to get it in line with what you want it to reveal.
    What do Obama's nonverbals reveal? See ARTICLE HERE on discussion of Obama's gestures, expressions, posture, etc.

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    Monday, February 09, 2009

    Emotional Self-Regulation for Stressed Students in LA

    From today's emailbag ... a chance to help bring emotional intelligence to Los Angeles's urban high school youth. I am pleased to pass on this opportunity to spread emotional intelligence. The email is from Robert A. Rees, PH.D., the Institute of HeartMath:

    The Institute of HeartMath has been invited to design and implement a social and emotional intelligence program specifically tailored to a unique student population in Los Angeles's—urban [sic] high school youth in Green Dot Public Charter Schools.

    With a highly committed and caring staff, the Green Dot Schools are transforming high school education in Los Angeles starting with 18 charter high schools which serve some of Los Angeles's lowest income communities. The majority of their students are either Latino or African American with more than one-third classified as English Language Learners.

    Green Dots [sic]overall goal is to get all of their students ready to enter college. By offering academically rigorous programs to high schoolers in small, safe learning environments, they are giving hope and opportunity to students accustomed [sic] second-rate education, high drop out rates, violent neighborhoods, and bleak futures.
    [The] principal of Animo Justice High School in Central Los Angeles describes the challenges students face just to get to school each day: “For many students, the simple act of getting to school each morning involves crossing several rival gang areas, leaving students in a state of chronic traumatic stress which interferes with their well-being, learning and participation.”

    District Psychologist, Daun Baker, speaks about the importance of the HeartMath program being developed for Green Dot Schools: “Providing students with emotional self-regulation skills has the potential to have an enormously positive impact on student’s academic and personal lives.” ...

    HeartMath's goal now is to raise $20,000 over the next 4 months to pay for the design and implementation of a fall pilot program at Animo Justice for ninth- and 11th-graders.

    With your help we will provide students in Central LA with an emotional intelligence program that really speaks to their hearts and then one day expand this program to high school students in urban school districts throughout the United States.

    Click here to invest in HeartMath's Green Dot Schools Initiative

    To learn more about Green Dot Schools click here.

    Thank you for your support,

    Robert A. Rees, PH.D.
    Director of Education and Humanities
    Institute of HeartMath

    'In Honor of' Gift Information: If you'd like to make a contribution on behalf of someone who is doing good work or in memory of a loved one, call Katherine Toll Free at (866) 221-6339. Nonprofit StatusIHM is a nonprofit 501 (c) (3) organization

    With THE EQ COURSE you can learn emotional self-regulation skills as an adult. We never stop learning, and these skills are even more important in today's economic climate.

    If you have been downsized, or are looking for a new career, consider becoming a coach. I train and certify coaches all over the world. I also have a special job opportunity for you if you would like to receive coach certification and live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Email me at for more information.

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    Saturday, February 07, 2009

    Markopolos Testifies about Madoff Ponzi Scheme

    The moving finger ... watch how Harry Markopolos tracks his written testimony to make sure it is correct. The same focus he used in tracking Bernard Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi Scheme.

    See, too, the Look of Shame. Compare the look on Markopolos' face it to our earlier blog on ...


    "I gift wrapped and delivered the largest Ponzi scheme in history to the SEC..."
    Notice how this Jesuit-trained accountant begins by expressing his sympathy to the many people who were bilked by Madoff.

    Harry Markopolos, an independent financial fraud investigator for institutional investors and others seeking forensic accounting expertise, as well as a Chartered Financial Analyst and Certified Fraud Examiner, testifies.
    His role in the Madoff saga began in 2000, when the hedge fund he was working at asked him to figure out how to match the fantastically consistent returns produced by Madoff in options trading. Markopolos studied the markets and deduced it couldn’t be done: Madoff had to be cheating — either by front-running, which would’ve involved trading on advance information about customer orders from his market-making firm, or by the good ol' doomed-to-fail Ponzi method. Before long, the world-weary numbers cruncher settled on the latter and wrote a series of whistleblowing memos to the Securities and Exchange Commission. Memos that they, as we're now painfully aware, dismissed.
    Many are trying to explain why him ... and to claim his as one of their own.

    Bravo, Harry! That sharp mind of Greek ancestry was doing what the Greeks do best, think, analyze, and discover! Yes, President Obama should have you in his administration overseeing the stimulus and IRS. I have a strong feeling you've always paid your taxes, and on time!A fellow Greek-American from Boston!

    He's a Libra...balancing the scales of justice.

    His fine Jesuit education, the finest in the land. They teach education for a purpose, for doing good. Detail and thorough study.

    Friday, February 06, 2009

    The Brain Chemistry of Love

    Brain Chemistry for Lovers is a Valentine's Concert that will be presented in Portland February 16th. Look and listen here. A unique collaboration about romantic love, combining OHSU's Brain Awareness Lecture Series, with music, film and neuroscience. Valerie Day and Darrell Grant provide the music, and renowned neuroscientist Dr. Larry Sherman provides the concert lecture.

    This concert about the Brain Chemistry of Love was inspired by a National Geographic article about love and the chemicals in the brain, where neuro-scientists are finally crossing into the territory of the poet, the philosopher, the songwriter, (and the comedian!), to explain the feelings associated with Romantic Love.

    Subjects were studied who had been "madly in love" for an average of seven months. Once inside the MRI machine, subjects were shown two photographs, one neutral, the other of their loved one. When each subject looked at his or her loved one, the parts of the brain linked to reward and pleasure, the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus, lit up. What excited Fisher most was not so much finding a location, an address, for love as tracing its specific chemical pathways. Love lights up the caudate nucleus because it is home to a dense spread of receptors for a neurotransmitter called dopamine, our own endogenous love potion.

    In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. This is why, when you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, watch the sun rise, run a race, ski fast down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive, and sometimes you don't.
    .... and this is why it feels so bad when it is lost.

    Brain Chemistry for Lovers combines art and science. "Romantic love has been the inspiration behind mankind's greatest artistic achievements from the Taj Mahal to Tin Pan Alley." Well, I would add much of our great art and scupture, classical music and opera. For music and love, see Club Vivo Per Lei.

    LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder… It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

    1. First stage: Lust, or physical attraction ("You Give Me Fever"). The least complex stage. Has to do with reptilian brain. The chemicals are testosterone and estrogen.
    2. Second Stage: Falling in Love. Serotonin (risk-taking, walking on air) It lasts about 18 months.
    3. Third Stage: You fall deeper in love or "attachment," (oxytocin) or you break up. "Cry Me a River" is a song about breaking up. See my Top Ten Breaking Up Songs.

    To learn more about emotional intelligence, the brain chemistry of love, brain chemistry and love, take The EQ Course(tm), on the Internet with email support. Or sign up for coaching. Email me at for more information.

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    Survivor Guilt in the Workplace because of Layoffs

    "While it is true that some business schools around the country are now incorporating emotional intelligence (EQ) skill development into their curriculum, millions of managers still have never been taught how to deal with the emotional elements of management. Even though most managers are enlightened enough to reject the outdated notion that emotions are to be avoided, they may lack the skills to provide adequate emotional support."

    Nick Tasler, Overcoming Survivors' Guilt with EQ

    Tasler has written a good white paper about the emotional climate in organizations today, framing it as "survivors' guilt". Tasler postulates that those who remain in an organization after many have been terminated, feel guilty rather than lucky. Which is understandable.

    Tasler states that "A recent Accenture study found that 66 percent of managers believe that economic concerns are distracting employees and hampering productivity."

    But guilty or lucky, there is still a lingering anxiety ... if they were fired will I be next? Who can be sure in today's workforce?

    We don't leave our "emotions" at home when we come to work. And many of us, workers as well as managers, have not had good emotional intelligence training. If you'd like to learn more, take The EQ COurse(tm) online, with email support, or sign up for the course + coaching. Email me at for more information.

    Another emotion that is afloat in the workplace today is missing the people who are gone. What was once a team, is now missing members.

    I remember years ago working for an ailing agency. It began with a workforce that included two of the best work-friends I've ever had. As the agency got worse (poor management), they left, and then for me, "it wasn't the same." Was I distracted and less productive? Certainly at first. I lost a lot of my enthusiasm. We were raising funds, and that always takes a supportive environment. I got the same work done, but it required a lot more energy. That amounts to "stress."

    Layoffs also mean that there is more work for those left behind, and longer hours, and more stress. I've never seen it otherwise. I remember another job where I made the cut and even got a title change, and I was thrilled. Then it dawned on me. With XXX gone, who was going to do their work? Me. And for no extra pay.

    It's for sure that workers today need emotional support in the workplace. If you're a manager, you can't afford to miss 'the elephant in the living room.' CHANGE is the watchword, and change is always an emotional thing. The typical worker today may be juggling the following:
    • Anxiety about his or her own job
    • A spouse who has been laid off
    • Having to change mode of transportation - carpooling or taking mass transit
    • Problems affording childcare
    • Having to eat differenyly, i.e., bring lunch instead of eating out
    • Missing team members and the camaderie and expertise they provided
    • Dealing with others who are stressed, including their managers and CEOs
    • Having to move because of foreclosure or rising cost of apartment
    The list could go on an on. There are also the continuing emotional things to deal with. I consulted with a manager this morning whose employee's husband is dying.

    How do you deal with the important undercurrents that our emotional lives bring to the workplace? Learn more. Learn how to turn the tide and make the emotions work for you. Take The EQ Course and learn more about emotional intelligence - handling your emotions and those of others.

    Think it doesn't belong in the workplace? Think again. "Emotion" and "motivation" come from the same root word, meaning "move." As we say, Motivation is not a THINKING word.

    Learn more! Email me at and visit The EQ Course.

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    Monday, February 02, 2009

    Patient Judge Peck Explodes in Domestic Violence

    The federal court judge overseeing the bankruptcy case of Lehman Brothers was arrested on Saturday afternoon and charged with hitting his wife...United States Bankruptcy Judge James M. Peck, 63, is charged with third-degree attempted assault and second-degree harassment after a fight with his wife, Judith, in their Manhattan home

    From the article: "Judge Peck is known for his patience in handling matters as complex as the Lehman case. " The bankruptcy judge was charged with 3rd degree attempted assault and 2nd degree harrassment of his wife at home.

    It is a shame that someone known for their "patience" at work, explodes at home with an act of violence. And at the age of 63?

    Emotional Intelligence generally increases with age (but not always), and so does stress.

    To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, take The EQ Course.

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