Survivor Guilt in the Workplace because of Layoffs

"While it is true that some business schools around the country are now incorporating emotional intelligence (EQ) skill development into their curriculum, millions of managers still have never been taught how to deal with the emotional elements of management. Even though most managers are enlightened enough to reject the outdated notion that emotions are to be avoided, they may lack the skills to provide adequate emotional support."

Nick Tasler, Overcoming Survivors' Guilt with EQ

Tasler has written a good white paper about the emotional climate in organizations today, framing it as "survivors' guilt". Tasler postulates that those who remain in an organization after many have been terminated, feel guilty rather than lucky. Which is understandable.

Tasler states that "A recent Accenture study found that 66 percent of managers believe that economic concerns are distracting employees and hampering productivity."

But guilty or lucky, there is still a lingering anxiety ... if they were fired will I be next? Who can be sure in today's workforce?

We don't leave our "emotions" at home when we come to work. And many of us, workers as well as managers, have not had good emotional intelligence training. If you'd like to learn more, take The EQ COurse(tm) online, with email support, or sign up for the course + coaching. Email me at sdun@susandunn.cc for more information.

Another emotion that is afloat in the workplace today is missing the people who are gone. What was once a team, is now missing members.

I remember years ago working for an ailing agency. It began with a workforce that included two of the best work-friends I've ever had. As the agency got worse (poor management), they left, and then for me, "it wasn't the same." Was I distracted and less productive? Certainly at first. I lost a lot of my enthusiasm. We were raising funds, and that always takes a supportive environment. I got the same work done, but it required a lot more energy. That amounts to "stress."

Layoffs also mean that there is more work for those left behind, and longer hours, and more stress. I've never seen it otherwise. I remember another job where I made the cut and even got a title change, and I was thrilled. Then it dawned on me. With XXX gone, who was going to do their work? Me. And for no extra pay.

It's for sure that workers today need emotional support in the workplace. If you're a manager, you can't afford to miss 'the elephant in the living room.' CHANGE is the watchword, and change is always an emotional thing. The typical worker today may be juggling the following:

• Anxiety about his or her own job
• A spouse who has been laid off
• Having to change mode of transportation - carpooling or taking mass transit
• Problems affording childcare
• Having to eat differenyly, i.e., bring lunch instead of eating out
• Missing team members and the camaderie and expertise they provided
• Dealing with others who are stressed, including their managers and CEOs
• Having to move because of foreclosure or rising cost of apartment

The list could go on an on. There are also the continuing emotional things to deal with. I consulted with a manager this morning whose employee's husband is dying.

How do you deal with the important undercurrents that our emotional lives bring to the workplace? Learn more. Learn how to turn the tide and make the emotions work for you. Take The EQ Course and learn more about emotional intelligence - handling your emotions and those of others.

Think it doesn't belong in the workplace? Think again. "Emotion" and "motivation" come from the same root word, meaning "move." As we say, Motivation is not a THINKING word.

Learn more! Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and visit The EQ Course.

Markets are Fearful ... and so are you?

Stocks tumble despite rate cut ... market remains fearful ...

As the headlines continue announcing worldwide economic turmoil, millions of dollars lost to retirement funds and IRAs, photos of The Great Depression, continued falls in the US stock market, it's hard not to feel anxiety.

Combine this with whatever else is going on in your own individual situation beyond the financial -- fear of layoff, decline in business, mother-in-law problems, divorce, mri, new boss ... and you have layers of anxiety.

A full-blown anxiety attack includes body aches and pains, headaches, upset stomach, chest pains, tingling sensations in the extremities, changes in eye patterns, dizziness, disturbed sleep, inability to concentrate, the urge to run ... and more.

We know that there is overwhelming evidence that our state of mind (emotions) affects our immune system, blood pressure, our ability to heal well after an accident or surgery, and our health in general. 5 minutes of anger suppresses the immune system for up to 8 hours. What does chronic, unending anxiety do?

The old and venerable (1967) Holmes and Rahe study on stress (which, incidentally, does not list many of the stressors we have in 2008), observed that if your stressors hit a certain level, you are likely to experience a serious illness.

Miller and Rahe (1997) observed that cancer is more prevalent among divorced, separated individuals that for married adults. I would add, from experience, that is may also be more prevalent among unhappily married individuals.

During anxiety and stress, the white blood cell (our immune system) count goes down.

This would be a good time to learn more about emotional intelligence. As Candace Pert, Ph.D., said, our emotions live in every cell of our body.

What can you do about it? Let me help you. Come and find out.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to learn about various EQ programs, options, coaching and Internet courses. Ways to help you get through this tense time ... and next one, and the next one.

It's a Test - the Economic Scene

As if it weren't enough, the front page of my local newspaper yesterday featured a picture from the Great Depression and interviews with people who had gone through it.

Many people have been predicting this economic turmoil for some time. Now that it's here and it's a test of handling anxiety because anxiety is caused most by fear of the unknown. Fear of change. We do not know the outcome.

The tapping series is good for dealing with emotions like anxiety, grief and overwhelm. It does not replace a study of emotions and emotional intelligence. Consider taking The EQ Course(tm) at this time.

Coaching brings you support and help, which adds to your energy levels and helps you get things in perspective.



I'm here to help. For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

Honesty, the first step to happiness

HONESTY: The First Step to Happiness (guest article)

The cornerstone of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which applies to awareness of your emotions. "We are our emotions." Authenticity is one of the competencies. Being honest about your emotional state can be hard ... take The EQ Course to develop your emotional intelligence.

I apologize for the grammatical and spelling errors in the article. They are not mine!

Today's guest article:

Honesty is the first and most basic step to being happiy [sic] and healthy. It is not a surprise that it is teh [sic] first step in the 12-steps as well. The 12-steps are not just for addicts or people who believe in God. As a clinician I have developed an appreciation for how simply enacting the spiritual principles of the 12-Steps can drastically improve anxiety, depression, anger and addiction. Spirituality is more than just religion, it is a way of life. These principles are present in every religion, and are helpful even for those who are not religious. Let’s take a look...

Honesty. The first step in being happy is to be honest, not only with others, but also yourself. This means developing a strong awareness of self, what you like and need, what you truly can control, and your feelings and what they mean.

Many people who are depressed, anxious or addicted fail to realize the real reasons for their misery. They see the immediate answer---what triggered the negativity this time. What they fail to realize is that their fears and/or anger is usually all related to one or more deeper causes.

Humans have six basic fears: isolation, failure, rejection, loss of control, death and the unknown. When you get angry or anxious, ask yourself which of these fears you are experiencing, why you fear it and how rational that is.

For example, you may be nervous going in for a job interview---fear of rejection, failure, the unknown. Okay, they may not hire you (rejection from the employer), but are you also fearing rejection by someone else? Does failure to get this job mean you are letting someone else down such as a parent or spouse? Aside from the fact that you did not get the job, do you really care if the prospective employer liked you? In reality, does this change the way your loved ones feel about you? Yes, you would prefer to get the job, but if you do not is it really that much of a catastrophe?

Another part of honesty is being aware of how you contribute to your own misery. Do you fail to take responsibility for your actions and blame others, look for the easy answers or might you be intentionally making yourself miserable. Intentionally? Yes! Maybe not consciously, but there are many people who inadvertently sabotage their recovery, because being miserable is so rewarding. When you are depressed, wrought with anxiety or in your addiction, people pay attention to you, overlook/make excuses for errors and it gives you a built in excuse for failure. Many people are afraid of failure because they see failing at any task means failing as a person and/or they equate failure with rejection. Both of these are basic and powerful (though not always rational) fears.

To start to develop self-awareness, keep a journal in the morning and evening. It only takes a few minutes. Ask yourself, how do I feel emotionally (happy, sad, grumpy, lonely, resentful etc…), mentally (confused, sharp, creative, foggy…) and physically (sick, weak, lethargic, strong, energetic etc). [We suggest The EQ Checkin(tm) - Ask yourself h you are feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.] Then identify why you feel that way, what you can do to change the negative things, and what you have no control over. This is your journal, you do not even need to write in full sentences, just pay attention. In the evening, repeat the exercise to see if you are feeling better, if your interventions are working or if you need to do something differently.

Some things you can do to help yourself out include asking yourself:

 “Will this matter 6 months from now?”

 “Does worrying/being angry or regretful about this help me in any way? How could I better use my energy to do something about the problem?"

 “Is this worth the negative impact it is having on me and my family?”

 “What parts of this do I have control over?”

“What does this mean about me as a person?”

 “Realistically, what are the consequences of this?”

If you are tired, confused or “foggy” figure out why. Sometimes it is the easy answer---you did not get enough quality sleep. To fix this, set a wind-down routine. This will cue your body into when to go to sleep. Secondly, eliminate caffeine within 12 hours of bedtime. This includes soda, coffee and lots of chocolate. Set up your bedroom to be comfortable for you to sleep---clean, smells good, dark, quiet etc.

Often times, people are actually getting too much sleep or their sleep is fitful because of all the stress their muscles are holding. If you are getting 6 to 8 hours of sleep, try adding some physical activity—walking the dog, gardening, walking around the block during your lunch break, yoga, tai chi. . .whatever you are willing to regularly do for at least 20 minutes every day.

A third thing to evaluate is your diet. Too much sugar, caffeine or not enough water can cause confusion, tiredness, depression, irritability, difficulty regulating your body temperature and poor sleep. Make sure you are not dehydrated. If you do not like water, try lemonade, flavored water. Just try to forego the carbonation and drinks with caffeine or alcohol---both of which will make you dehydrated.

All of these things: awareness of how you feel emotionally, mentally, physically; awareness of what you have control over and what your body’s signals are trying to tell you will help you feel happier and more content. It takes practice to learn to pick your battles and accept you are not in control of everything, but once you do, you will see how much it not only improves how you feel, but also how much it improves your health and relationships.

This article is part of a 12 part series on integrating the 12-steps into a healthy life.

About the Author: Dr. Dawn Snipes received her Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling and Addictions and her PhD in Counseling and Education from the University of Florida. She is an ordained Christian minister . Currently she runs two online continuing education sites (http://www.allceus.com), continuing education for rehabilitation counselors, addictions professionals, social workers and engineers (http://www.engineeringceus.com) and has a part-time private practice.

Source: www.isnare.com

Susan is the author of "EQ & Addiction: the 14th Step" and offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. Contact sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.