Thursday, May 31, 2007

Teamwork and Emotional Intelligence

Tom Heck's TeachMeTeamwork

To Heck's TeachMe Teamwork talks about emotional intelligence and leadership, featuring an interview Dr. Haydn Hasty.

"Leaders in the field of team and leadership development know the difference between a marginal leader and a great leader is often boiled down to one thing: Emotional Intelligence (EQ)," he writes.

Isn't it wonderful that the value of emotional intelligence is becoming validated. When I first read about the term, nearly 7 years ago, we jumped on it as "the missing piece," and "the wave of the future." I've been coaching and training emotional intelligence all over the world since that date.

It continues:

"Most have heard of IQ and too many people believe that a leader with a high IQ is what's going to save your team. Not even close. IQ won't save you. EQ will."

In the interview, he talks about the difference between IQ and EQ.

Important to remember however, that the two are not antithetical. It's not either/or. You need both. A low EQ can render a high IQ nearly worthless. I bet you can think of some examples all by yourself!!

If you'd like to improve your emotional intelligence, register for my EQ program. It's on the internet, self-paced, and highly effective.

Former student comment: "It changed my life."

Beautiful Women

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Art is so much a part of emotional intelligence.
Enjoy -- 500 years of Women in Western Art

In the words of Rudyard Kipling
Four things greater than all things are
Women and Horses and Power and War

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Emotional Intelligence: The Tools of a Catalyst

The Tools of a Catalyst : - missional. global. cultural. theological. think on these things.

This is about the tools of a catalyst, from the book "The Spider and the Starfish". This is about leadership, about drawing people in, making things happen, and the uses of emotional intelligence.

One of these tools is Emotional Intelligence. "Catalysts tend to lead with emotions," it says. "To a catalyst, emotional connections come first. Once there is an emotional connection, then and only then is it time to brainstorm and talk strategy."

Another tool:

Meets People Where They Are. There’s a difference between being passionate and being pushy. A catalyst doesn’t try to persuade people but rather relies on a much more subtle technique: meeting people where they are. When people feel heard, when they feel understood and supported, they are more likely to change. A catalyst doesn’t prescribe a solution, nor does he hit you over the head with one. Instead he assumes a peer relationship and listens intently. You don’t follow a catalyst because you have to - you follow one because he understands you.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Manners, Etiquette and Emotional Intelligence

Wither manners?

"In every society, the role models are the ones who set the standards of behaviour for the rest of the people, irrespective of who they are. As adults we are responsible and accountable for our behaviour at home and in society. Our children learn from us.." writes Datin in her article, "Winning Ways."

She talks about the leadership of a former boss, and about emotional intelligence in particular ...

"No swear words or foul language ever escaped his lips. His demeanour alone showed his displeasure and we would be jumping hoops to rectify the errors and regain his trust. No one ever repeated a mistake. His greatest asset was his ability to get the support of his people. Nothing was shoved down their throat. Everything was done with transparency and his sense of fair play often put others to shame. I learnt the value of good manners from him.

All men know that good manners like the values we have and practise, must be demonstrated in the family so that it becomes part of a child’s character. We also know that instilling good manners cannot be learnt using software as a computer learning activity. People in power or in responsible positions need to use their emotional intelligence in a positive way and understand that good manners are basically an emotional thing. You must want to feel the need to exercise good behaviour.

For more information, take my EQ program, and check out my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child EQ."

Monday, May 07, 2007

Street Sense always wins

FOX Sports - Horseracing - Hard-working Borel finally scores Derby victory

How fitting that Street Sense wins ... and his jockey is known as Bo-Rail for his common sense -- with faultless logic he hugs the rail, he says, because it's the shortest way around the track. He didn't need a scientific research study to figure out how to win. Seeing the obvious, and not complicating things is good common sense, another word for emotional intelligence aka "street smarts."

The magic combination of Borel and Street Sense is full of emotional sense. Borel chose the horse to give him the win, because Street Sense is "very push button" -- he likes to please and does what you ask. How smart, not to fight it! Borel is also known for the clock in his head - his intuition, good timing.

Many years in the making was this big win for the jockey who had the winning combination - hard work, training, discipline, emotional intelligence and STREET SENSE!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Dislike Royalty love the Queen

Americans dislike royalty but adore the queen - Yahoo! News

This is so like emotional intelligence (EQ). And isn't it the truth! Historically, "we" left the UK and came over here to get away from that sort of thing - queens and kings, popes and princes, nobles and knights, privilege and peasants ... but when they come to visit, we love it.


It's like emotional intelligence. We may blanch at the thought of learning empathy, communication skills, social graces, etiquette and aplomb, and other emotional intelligence skills, as CONCEPTS, and may not even understand them, but when we meet someone who has them, we are entranced and enchanted.

It's common to dislike something at the conceptual level, or as a stereotype, i.e., "I don't like people from the South," but then when you meet an individual, your perceptions change. Which is generally all to the good! If you are rigid, they do change, and you become the person unwilling to be persuaded by reality.

So be willing to give new things a try, or to try on new things.

How can we not thrill at the visit from the Queen of England? Why? Just because.

Most of the time, she never lets us, or her people, down. Since I was in PR, and lived in the world of "being a presence," I probably have a special appreciation for how she conducts herself; and it requires incredible emotional intelligence.

When she's out and about, she is not a person, not Elizabeth, not a woman of a certain age, she is representing -- representing the kingdom on Great Britain. She can't allow herself a foul mood. If her shoes hurt, she can't pay attention to it. If someone says something rude to her, she can't act like a "person," because she isn't -- she's the Queen. If something untoward happens in front of her, she must maintain her composure. For her, when she's out, the cameras are always rolling, and she 'stands for' something far beyond who she is as a person. This is an obligation, a responsiblity, a privilege, a job ... and she does it well.

She also relies on a huge entourage to keep her going. Maybe someone who can find shoes that don't hurt. Who researches the temperature to make sure she has an appropriate outfit. Who, as we learned, teaches other about the proper protocol when in the presence of the Queen of England. Who looks into the people she'll be meeting and finds out about them, so she can make intelligent conversation. In other words -- she has many coaches!

If you're smart, you do this for yourself (and/or hire a coach). If you want to make intelligent conversation that is pleasant to others, you have to know what you're doing. Things like someone who just lost a baby or a job, someone who is new on the scene, someone who has a speech impediment, someone who has political leanings you don't want to bring up ... all that sort of thing. It can keep you out of trouble? You also need to learn the ways to save yourself when you have blundered. Do you know what to do when you don't remember someone's name? Do you know what to say when you're inadvertently insulted someone? Do you know who gets seated first, and what we're supposed to do about opening the doors for women these days?

It pays to know these things! Get some EQ coaching. You'll love it!

Queen's visit calls for etiquette and EQ

WP: Queen's visit prompts protocol fears - Highlights -

ETIQUETTE is a part of emotional intelligence, and so is the extension of it -- protocol. We all just got a big dose watching and enjoying the visit of Queen Elizabeth to the U. S. -- to see how her colony was doing!

In order to help with it all -- what to wear, what to say, and when, and how -- Buckingham Palace flew in about 15 advisors, including the queen's personal assistant and Buckingham Palace's deputy master of the household, for consultations. We were eager to please and they were eager to help us out with it.

I loved the photo of the British ambassador's wife curtseying -- she sure knew what to do. Probably made her feel right at home! (We love that feeling -- ahhh, someone else who wears jeans/says "howdy"/uses "sir" and "m'am"/eats with their fork upside down -- etc.

BTW, this is very much like coaching. Nothing "wrong" with any of us, it's just new, and we'd like to please and know what we're doing. That's what consultants and coaches are for, and one big area is etiquette.

It was the air of excitement that got me. For instance, a real red carpet for her exit from the airplane. For many of us, especially the younger generation, "rolling out the red carpet" came alive for the first tie. (Oh, so that's what that means. They really DO that!)

I also enjoyed the photos of the Queen with the Governor of the Commonwealth of Virgina, who was just about literally dancing, and wore an expression like the cat that swallowed the canary. What a coup! In several photos his feet are barely touching the ground, as he twists and cavorts and gives us the thumbs up -- TWO thumbs up.

Nonverbal is also a part of emotional intelligence and look at the difference. The Queen of England would never engage in such shenanigans. She maintains her posture, her notorious hats and lovely outfits and maybe the royal wave, which we all wait to see. Reserved, refined, well in her case, regal. Americans? Even the governor cavorts and gives a big nonverbal display of pleasure.

You must know emotional intelligence (which includes etiquette) to get where you want to go. Hopefully, you caught the fever during the Queen's visit, because it's great fun. Why on earth would we go to all this trouble to please the Queen? It's in our blood!

We love new things, too, and this is very old and yet very new again. We may even see a resurgence of hats and gloves! If you've noticed, even considering the circumstances of our "greater exposure" to the Middle East, the fashions and colors are slowly creeping in to the American fashion scene.

We just love new things -- or things that are new to us.

If you're curious, and open, that is to say not rigid, or overly invested in your own postures, you 'll develop the art of incorporating new, positive things into your life -- from your wardrobe to your mannerisms, to your speech.

I was reminded of this when visiting my friendly gynecologist the other day. He happens to be French, and as he burst into the room, he gave me a big Asian bow, with hands together in fron. (What on earth?) I immediately felt honored. That's what the gesture is all about, and it works. Amazing, isn't it. He had just been to Japan and was just full of all the new things he'd seen and learned. "They won't confront," he said. "How do you know when they're mad?"

Well actually wouldn't that be a RELIEF? After all, as we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not of getting it. When you go as far as to "show" you're angry, or it's so strong that you can't NOT show it, you're already so pumped up, you're likely not to think straight. You've lost it.

Which way is better?

That's not the question to ask. Just observe and note. Then be willing to adapt. Be willing to learn. You'll be more comfortable. For instance the client I coached who was going to D. C. (from San Antonio) to meet her new boyfriend's family and social set. She showed me what she was planning to wear -- the bright floral patterns of south Texas, with lots of gold glittery bangles and beads. (Are you laughing? Not if you haven't been to D. C.) She didn't listen to my advice. When she returned, she said "I felt like such a rube ... so uncomfortable and out of place. I just couldn't believe what you were saying..."

Believe! Things can be very different and, as she advised in "My Cousin Vinny," it's a good idea to be able to BLEND. When required. EQ is all about choice. First you have to know there is one, and that you have it. It's one thing to stand out in a good way because you have chosen to, and quite another to stand out "like a sore thumb" because you didn't now any better.

We went through all this protocal because we were overjoyed to have the Queen here, and wanted to make her feel -- well, "at home." This is the essence of etiquette and good manners.

In today's multicultural workplace, and rapidly shrinking world, the more you KNOW the better off you are going to be. If you learn the ways of just one other culture, you are able to grasp the concept of how different things can be? In half the world, it seems, it's a great insult to show someone the sole of your shoe. Once you 've heard that, you'll start to consider what else you might do that might offend someone else. And you'll be forced to think, as well, about what in your own country, or part of the country, offends others. We teach these things to our kids; culture is LEARNED. One child learns to bow another to shake hands. One kids learns to stand in line and take their turn, another learns to get in there and push. What would you like to learn more about?

For coaching, email me at .

Thursday, May 03, 2007


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Emotional Intelligence covers it all -- nonverbal, multicultural, etiquette.

Here's how it's done in Prague!