Friday, January 26, 2007
Can't wait to see my home town again. Hope there are snow flurries. Plan to see Fledermaus at the Lyric, eat a Loyds, stay at the Palmer House (OK, HILTON). I'm excited and in a special kind of way, because this is going home to me. Today's blog recommendation talks about this sort of thing - or rather the great discomfort we feel when we are going somewhere totally new - including a new job.
Check it out: "Your First Day on the Job"
Most of us have had two or more "first days on the new job" and know that it can be hell. Why then, asks our blogger, don't others try and make it more amenable?
THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.
It can set the tone for the the rest of the engagement so to speak.
He answers his own question, with a bit of the self-awareness we get from emotional intelligence: "I can only think that it must be the result of the general lack of emotional intelligence that one sees in the average IT workplace, combined with the poor standard of management that seems a ubiquitous feature of corporate environments ..."
Self-awareness -- because we moved a lot when I was a kid (for good reasons, at least for my parents), I've always had a soft spot for the "new kid on the block." When I worked in an office, I was usually the one to look after the new person - unofficially of course. I made sure they knew where the bathroom and coffee were, and supplies; offered to help when I saw them looking lost; asked them for lunch early on.
During my years in offices I had good and bad experiences in this respect. I know that when I was introduced properly to the others, my early weeks in the new place were a delight, and it bore fruit in the long-term.
We - human beings - are naturally xenophobic. We do not like strangers. Underneath, we fear them. It's natural. And I'm afraid it's exacerbated by the things we hear in the media. Nevertheless, it's EQ, and it's civilized behavior, and etiquette, to do what you can to make the new person feel AT HOME.
Just say "yes." Hazing and hell week belong on the college campus, for youngsters (whose neocortexes are not fully yet developed - or their EQ).
It's the decent thing to do, and it's emotionally intelligent!
Friday, January 19, 2007
Well, it's that time of year again. Many people are feeling very low right now. Low energy, low spirits. In the northern hemisphere, gray skies, SAD, seasonal affective disorder, the winter blues, the after-Christmas blues ... and Valentine's Day looming on the horizon. (Incidentally, I've written a lot about Valentine's - it's really more apt to elicit hostility, and it's a very 'emotional' time for everyone.
For the more resilient, it's just a time to hibernate. Introverts do better at this. Read a good book, listen to music, sleep, nap, rest, get massages, go to the spa. It's not the greatest time for "people."
For the extraverts, it's harder. They need people to bring them up, and finding people who are 'up' right now isn't that easy.
So what do you do? As always, goes with it, don't fight it. Then it will flow on through. Be how you are. It will change. That you can count on!
Practice the components of emotional intelligence. One of them is empathy - and that means reading the global temperature as well. If everyone who's called you on the phone has been crabby, guess what? (It isn't you!)
If no one you've encountered has anything more than a plastic smile right now, quit looking outside, and go inside. Do something you enjoy.
If you've been pecking around the office looking for someone to perk you up, and haven't found any, just get busy doing something you enjoy. You are more likely right now to run into negative and depressed people. Surround yourself with things you enjoy. Kids are great too. They are always ready to play.
If you are one of the ones with sunshine to share, by all means do! At last avoid getting into those downwardly spirallyin conversations where we start sharing all the negatives. Think of something positive to say -- and say it!
Be kinder than you need to be.
Remember too, the benefits of gratitude. Like the woman below, there's always something to be grateful for. Find it...and share it.
Call for a coaching pep-talk. That's one of the roles I fill for clients.
MAKING THE EMAIL ROUNDS
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?"
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today?"
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Thanks to Julie for this one ... who is fighting some battles of her own.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Seth Godin is a great marketer and I think he uses a lot of emotional intelligence in his approach. I've read his book and I liked what I read.
On his blog he writes about The Glass House in Denver and its marketing. It's called "the $140 million permission project."
He writes about what Chris did to market The Glass House. Now if you went to their website, you see something different right away. It begins with a beautiful quote: "It was as though he had cut up the sky, melted down a flower garden, tossed in some jewels and made it into glass." (hugh mc kean)
You see how it appeals to our emotions right away.
The next screen has a quote about giving up driving, that life is sweeter at 5 mph.
According to Godin's blog Chris marketed the project in an unusual way.
He put up signs at the construction site directing people to a website where they showed a slide show of the benefits. Like a person sitting in a pool looking happy and relaxes, not just an architectural drawing of a pool.
They signed people up to get on a list to learn more "benefits." They eventually got 5,000 people signed up, and it had been by our favorite form of marketing -- word of mouth!
Then this is unusual and a neat idea. They invited people over for a drink, so to speak. They had about 45 cocktail parties for those people, a small group at a time, like 15, at a restaurant in the neighborhood. They didn't bring any materials, they just visited with them, talked, answered questions, and talked about things they were interested in.
It's interesting to read about this emotionally intelligent approach. Read about it on the blog here.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
Posted by John Schneider
‘Sweet Revenge’ provides an interesting look at how endemic revenge is in the
marketplace. It also highlights the steps that corporate managers will take to
avenge a perceived wrong.
While the article points out the positive
aspects of revenge on executive behavior (come-backs, business start-ups,
whistle blowing), the article neglects to mention the collateral damage that
usually accompanies these moves.
When it comes to socially responsible
business management, emotional intelligence not only leads to better business
decisions, but better workplaces as well. As noted in the soon to be released
book Firms of Endearment, companies with a high number of emotionally
intelligent employees are not only more ethical, but show a stronger bottom line
compared to other companies. While revenge may be sweet, it is often
counterproductive to the values embodied by socially responsible business and
causes more harm than good.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
What's YOUR EQ? HERE.
Nurturing talent By subbaiyer We need to assess not only intellectual skills, but also softer skills such as emotional intelligence, values, creativity, the ability to work in teams, to think out of the box, entrepreneurial abilities, and also, importantly, ...Serendipitous moments -
The Marshmallow ExperimentBy Shining Starz(Shining Starz) The details of the entire experiment can be found in Daniel Goleman's book entitled "Emotional Intelligence". What happened was that during the experiment, Walter Mischel and his researchers gathered a group of four-year olds in a room. ...Shining Starz - http://shiningstarzedu.blogspot.com/index.html
Your EQ is 147 What Emotional IQ do you have? ...By Kirsten N. Namskau(Kirsten N. Namskau) 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed ... What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?Kirsten Namskau's blogg - http://kirsten-namskaus-blogg.blogspot.com/index.html
It pays to be niceBy sean371 The best and the brightest organizations understand the significance of Emotional Intelligence. Companies that do not recognize doing business with a good attitude as an important part of thier business strategy will fail, especially if ...Attwood's Blog - http://seanattwood.com
Leadership Case Study in Common SenseBy email@example.com Evaluation of consequences, emotional intelligence, experience, and intuition. And most of all, good old-fashioned common sense. I’ve hired excellent people – perhaps I should listen to their ideas? I’ve espoused a policy that sounds ...The Recovering Leader - http://leadershipunleashed.typepad.com/leadership/
Writing this from Dallas, Texas one of the ragweed hotspots of the nation, I'm particularly aware of "allergies" and the havoc they can cause. Here are some tips for handling allergies:
1. Ragweed pollen is probably the largest single seasonal allergen in North America.
It is estimated that a square mile of ragweed plants would release 16 tons of pollen in one season. Even skin contact with ragweed can cause dermatitis.
2. If you know before airborne allergies get worse in your town, you can prepare.
At this site http://www.pollen.com/Pollen.com.asp you can sign up to be alerted in the morning of conditions likely to exceed a trigger point, the point where most allergy sufferers will start to experience symptoms.
3. More than 50 million Americans suffer from Allergies.
4. An allergy is...
... "a heightened sensitivity to a foreign substance (called an allergen) which causes the body's defense system (the immune system) to overreact when defending itself. Normally, the immune system would only react if a harmful substance, such as a bacteria, attacks the body. For people with allergies, their own immune system is working too hard, and it reacts even when relatively harmless substances such as pollen are present. The severity of an allergic reaction can vary from mild discomfort to life threatening situations." [Source: www.pollen.com]
5. Probably 25% of your website visitors suffer from allergies.
Here - http://www.pollen.com/Pollen.com.asp - you can get the html to put a pollen alert box on your website - either a zip code entry box or for any town in the U.S.
6. The most extreme allergic reaction is called "anaphylactic shock."
Immediately after contact the individual will suffer difficulty breathing, itchiness, welling of the lips and throat, and drop in blood pressure, and finally collapse. If you've ever suffered anaphylactic shock, you should carry injectable adrenaline from your doctor and keep some at home as well. Have the 911 number handy, and seek medical attention immediately.
7. Subsequent contact with a particular allergen can be much worse than the first time, for instance if you've been stung by a bee.
That's why people sometimes say, "And then all of a sudden ..." Ive heard people mention this about combining beer and shell fish one day, and ending up in the ER.
8. Coming into contact with products containing normally innocent foodstuffs such as peanuts can actually kill susceptible people. One way to determine what you're allergic to is to see your personal physician and get an allergy test.
9. Allergic conditions include: (1) Hay fever and allergic asthma.
Pollen from grasses, ragweed and trees, mold wne dust can all cause respiratory and nasal problems. (2) Eczema. A special form of skin reaction. Cement dust is particularly likely to cause this. (3) Urticaria (itchy hives). Most of us get this from nettles. You can also get this from strawberries, seafood, cheese; it depends.
10. Once the allergy is established, you must remove the cause or avoid it. Here are some tips:
a. Wear hypoallergenic gloves;
b. Use a filter in the vacuum cleaner to remove dust mite droppings and an air filter on your A/C which you clean often. Also clean the ducts;
c. Remove heavy drapes and bedspreads from the bedroom and replace with blinds and tile or wood flooring with
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Declared by a scientist in the UK
Does this have to apply to you? With emotional intelligence you can create your own happiness. Can happiness be learned? It's not a light question.
The answer is a resounding yes - I see it happen all the time when I coach emotional intelligence.
It's even moving into the college classroom (at last!)
From an article in the New York Times:
[The write attended a class called the Science of Well-Being] "...essentially a class in how to make yourself happier — at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. George Mason is a challenge for positive psychologists because it is one of the 15 unhappiest campuses in America, at least per The Princeton Review. Many students are married and already working and commute to school. It’s a place where you go to move your career forward, not to find yourself."
The class is taught by a professor whose area of research is “curiosity and well-being.” According to the article, the course covers such emotional intelligence components as optimism, gratitude, mindfulness, hope, and spirituality. It also emphasizes the difference between meaningful and authentic happiness, and "the hedonistic treadmill."
Typical of the suspicion many have regarding anything "emotional," the syllabus makes it clear that "every topic ... [will be approached] as scientists” and, like in my emotional intelligence certification program, the assigned readings are academic, but the "classroom" exercises are not.
Optimism is the facilitator of all the emotional intelligence components. It can increase your lifespan up to 10 years (as big a 'significance' as smoking or not-smoking) and if you've got your EQ going, you'll add ... and 10 years you'll want to live because you are happy.
Read the article here.
Friday, January 12, 2007
email me for information on my program and receive an Emotional Intelligence certificate.
You'll be way ahead of the game in all the ways that count. This is something that will really open doors to you.
Article appearing on the globeandmail.com talks about "trends to embrace and watch out for" in terms of career intelligence. The author, Barbara Moses, lauds coaching, and pegs some big trends.
"Ironically, while organizations talk about the need for broad knowledge, emotional intelligence and the ability to solve complex human problems, they ignore people who don't have specialized degrees. But these general degrees have taught them critical thinking skills -- the very skills that organizations are in search of."
Much of what she talks about could be lumped under "multicultural" - she mentions the generations trying to blend, but it's cosmopoliltan and global on top of that. Having a business lunch in the Renaissance Tower in downtown Dallas today, I heard as many accents as I hear in the dining room of the Royal Caribbean cruise ship where I've often been a speaker.
The cruise ships hire for diversity. It would appear that everyone has it now, whether intentional or not and how are you going to get along and get the project moving??
Clips from the article. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE training helps with every single one of these and is the underlying theme.
- management training
- the important of 'softer' skills such as emotional intelligence
- Coaching -- caveat emptor. Everyone wants a coach but check out the coach's credentials. I agree (and feel free to check out mine.) IVery important to check credentials in an unregulated field such as coaching. I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and a liberal arts background combined with many years experience in the work world.
- succession planning
- young people without specialized degrees are having difficulty finding work, and many older workers are still experiencing age discrimination
- Intergenerational tensions (this is a BIG one and you can only fathom solutions if you have high EQ
- older workers bemoan the lack of work ethic among younger workers
- Young workers want "old" workers out of their way and call the "workaholics"
- In Canada, non-mandatory retirement means "many older workers will choose to stay on in the workplace for both financial and psychological reasons -- leading to continuing frustration among younger workers eyeing those plum opportunities up the ladder."
- Diversity broadens its meaning. No longer women, visible minorities, those with disabilities and gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people, but ... diversity of age, life situations, personality and motivation. In other words, diversity reflects all differences.
- direction of diversity is changing. Emphasis is on inclusiveness.
- forget balance - you can have it all, but not all at once
- Leadership development - and this is NOT "management." Both are needed.
- younger workers catapulted into management positions with little basic training. (Great opportunity for coaching)
- work that has meaning
- people are defining success in highly personal terms.
- promotion for the wrong reason (demoralizing)
- authenticity reigns. People want to be able to express who they are in their work, and not have to adopt a corporate persona. This means that if they feel they have to compromise their values or repress their personality, they will look for another employer that represents a better fit.
- The employee brand/experience
Organizations are turning their attention to building their employee brand, recognizing that they can't build a successful external brand for clients if it's not consistent with how internal staff experiences the company.
- The brand represents the personality of the organization whether that be flexibility, family friendliness, or challenging opportunities.
- midlife renewal (a big area in which I coach - I say "60 is the new 40" and I love coaching midlifers in transition - work and dating)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Mind you it isnt a guarantee that youll reach this resolution, but many people do end up being not only what they call better people, but also happier by their self-report and by my observations.
There's an interesting study done by Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts. He compares the well-being of lottery winners versus people who had become suddenly paralyzed.
The results of the study were that after the initial high was over for the lottery winners, they were no happier than the accident victims.
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
When you read about the problems of Joumana and Jason Kidd, doesn't it give you the same feeling as "Fatal Attraction". It's the thing we fear the most, a spouse who is out-of-control.
In the papers filed in state Superior Court in Bergen County, Jason Kidd accuses Joumana Kidd of "physically and mentally abusing him, threatening to make false domestic violence complaints against him to police, and of interfering with his relationship with his children."
"The defendant's extreme and unwarranted jealousy and rage has left the plaintiff concerned about her emotional stability," the papers say. Read the rest of the article HERE.
It's sickening. Imagine what it's like for their children. Jason was ordered to take anger management after Joumana reported him once for abuse (and if you read what's written, it's possible she was setting hi up).
Anger management is not enough. It isn't just about anger, it's about emotional intelligence.
My "Anger Management through Emotional Intelligence" is a real landmark in a sea of "product" with debatable value that's also hard to assess. Are the same people offering "anger management" that offer "notary training" in California, and "defensive driving" all over the US - because it's court-ordered and easy money? And because judges are judges and are quick to say, as one did recently, "I'm a judge. I don't know physics." SOmehow this "anger management" got started. Does the teacher have credentials in psychology and coaching, and years of experience with actual people?
Anger is not, frankly, what it's about, as you can see. My program was constructed from years of work with people in the trenches. It is clinically based, and I have a degree in clinical psychology.
It's common for a person who feels (without being mindful of it) out-of-control, to marry someone who appears to be quite IN control. (Opposites attract). Someone like Jason Kidd, for instance, who says it's not going to affect his game, that's his job. Because there's no response from the "in control" one, the "out of control" one amps it up. The other one shuts down further. The game is on, and it's a very ugly one. And there is no winner, as we see here. It is a tragedy.
Violence and abuse occur because of a lack of emotional intelligence. The anger can be "hot" or it can be "cold"; it can be from depression, fear, and for heaven's sake, people also go bonkers when excited. If 90% of the people who win the lottery are bankrupt 5 years later, even beyond the winnings' interest, what does that tell you?
Our hearts are saddened when we read something like the Kidds' problems. And for all the superstars whose troubled relationships make the headlines, there are hundreds of thousands of "just folks" in the same sitaution, and emotionally unintelligent nightmare. The divorce rate is over 50%. It is higher for 2nd marriages and higher STILL for third marriages. "Hope springs eternal," but without emotional intelligence intervention, it is sterile hope, as the statistics confirm.
EQ makes or breaks your life. I'm thinking of a former client of mine, who was 49 at the time his second wife, 24 years old, pulled up to the parking lot at his work, screamed, threw things at him, and kicked him in front of his colleagues and employees. He owns the company and employs over 200 people, makes well into 7 figures, has a Ph.D. in engineering, has top security clearance from the US of A, and has made some of the - frankly - stupidest decisions in his private life that you can imagine. His first wife used to physically abuse him. He was 6'4" tall and weighed 250 lbs. and she was 5'1" tall and weighed 105 lbs.
EQ. It makes or breaks your life and, sadly, the lives of many children are involved, as with the Kidds' children. My heart goes out to all concerned. If the judge is going to grant joint custody, which was requested, I would like to see him order both of them to take not "anger management," but an emotional intelligence course.
Vendetta! Sangue! say Verdi's arias. And "vengeance is a dish best served cold" says Shakespeare. It goes on and on, and is really terrifying, and "anger" is the least of it.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tyrrell believes we also play games with the s-word, sometimes using it to our advantage.
37% of our use is aimed at partners
19% to strangers
14% to our children
14% to work colleagues
8% to friends
5% to parents
3% to siblings
1% to the boss
See the full article HERE. ALso includes sample 'thank you' notes.
From the happynewsnetwork blog:
Good morning! Just a quick note about this one: the reason I think this is a happy news story is that it is about bloody time somebody began to talk about the much-needed comeback of manners...the way that people act these days is disgusting! We, as a society, need to remember our manners, act more politely, and set a better example for the young ones around us. We bitch and complain about today's youth having no class/manners, but can we blame them? They learn from us - and we aren't always stellar examples!Okay - soap box put away, rant over....
I will continue.....
Thank you notes make a comeback -- as e-thanks By Belinda GoldsmithThank you notes, once feared a dying form of correspondence, are making a comeback via e-mail and text messaging but etiquette experts are still struggling to endorse anything but a handwritten note.
Peter Post, a director of the Emily Post Institute that offers etiquette and manners advice, said increasing numbers of people had stopped writing thank you notes and were telephoning instead to thank for a holiday gift or party.
But the proliferation of e-mails and text messaging on cell phones has prompted people to start writing again to thank people, with new technology creating a new form of etiquette."
E-mail has become an alternative way to send a thank you and you can see how text messaging could be considered another avenue," said Post, author of three etiquette books."Is it appropriate? If you are not going to thank them otherwise then it is better than nothing but I still don't think it is good as sending a note."
Some communication experts say teenagers and young adults who rarely took the time to pen a thank-you note to disappointed grandparents for their holiday gifts are now taking the time to say thank-you by e-mail and text message."
As more people get cell phones, we are seeing a rise in the number of thanks sent by text," said Delly Tamer, chief executive of online wireless retailer LetsTalk.com, which researches phone use."The younger generation who may not write a note do feel comfortable saying thanks by text or e-mail."
NO NOTE, NO PRESENT
Some traditionalists, however, still frown upon the use of new technology to thank someone for a holiday gift, with not all older friends or relatives having e-mail or cell phones."
A younger person would never think twice about this or think there is a better way but to text message a thank you really is completely unacceptable," said Gloria Starr, who runs etiquette seminars for U.S. company Global Success Strategies."
One good back-up strategy would be a quick e-mail with a hand-written note to follow."Starr said she feared hand-written thank you notes were disappearing, citing the example of a 17-year-old niece to whom she send a laptop last year as she started college. Having received no thanks or acknowledgment she telephoned her niece to check she had received the present and found she had. Starr proceeded to tell her niece how inconsiderate it was not to thank her and she would not send any more gifts. Days later a two page thank you letter arrived.
"She just had not thought of writing," said Starr.
Life coach and writer Susan Dunn said the expectations of a thank you letter tended to be age related." One of my 60-year-old readers said that if she does not receive a written thank you note, she does not give the person a gift again," said Dunn. "However I received the same comment from a 40-year-old. What age is the break-point? It appears to be around 35."
Advice columnist Melissa Kirsch, whose book "The Girl's Guide to Everything" is being released in February, said people were wrong if they thought paper and pen were obsolete with writing a thank you note on practice that was timeless."E-mail is disposable," she writes. "Handwritten notes take time and effort, and they literally send a message -- they say the recipient is valuable, cherished, appreciated."
Here's something else I do. My son and daughter-in-law gave me a really beautiful sweater for Christmas. In addition to penning a thank you note, the next time I saw them (invited to their house for dinner), I wore the sweater.
If you're around the person who gave you the gift, let them see you using it and enjoying it. Have the book out on the coffee table, use the blender to make their drink when they come it, when they see you and say how relaxed you look, tell them it was because of the cruise or the massage gift card they gave you.
It makes everyone feel good. (You'll also get more gifts, silly!)
Call 817.734.1471 for coaching.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Solomon was the author of more than 40 books, a gifted teacher and an expert in existentialism and emotions. He was born in 1942. He was Quincy Lee Centennial Professor of Business and Philosophy and a Distinguished Teaching Professor at UT Austin. He had a bachelor's degree in molecular biology and a master's and doctoral degree in philosophy and psychology.
"Six billion people in the world and counting ... nevertheless what you do counts."
Clip of Solomon in the animated film, "Waking Life" talking about existentialism. "Sartre once interviewed said he never really felt a day of despair in his life. But one thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance of feeling on top of it. It's like your life is yours to create..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82EV4KBIsNk
Among Solomon's books: From Rationalism to Existentialism: The Existentialists and Their Nineteenth-Century Backgrounds (1972) arguably the best introductory text on existentialism in English, and The Passions (1976), considered a classic on the emotions.
From an ode to him on the Oxford University press blog. For the full article go HERE.
From the preface to Solomon’s most recent book, True to Our Feelings: What Our Emotions Are Really Telling Us:
I have always been fascinated by emotions; watching and dealing with them in other people, coping with and often joy-riding with my own. To be perfectly honest, I've also been terrified of them. As a child, I had a vile (though rarely violent) temper. As a young man, I fell in love often, and hard. As I matured, I learned to actually love, though perhaps more slowly and awkwardly than I would like to admit. And all along, I found myself brooding on, speculating about, luxuriating in, and terrified by my own emotional dispositions, responses, and preferences. I was already (although I did not know it at the time) a philosopher.
When I actually came into philosophy (from biology and medical school, where I had developed an interest in psychoanalysis), I brought with me that very personal fascination with the nature of the emotions ...
What were my emotions, my passions, or-more vaguely-my "feelings"? Did they, as it sometimes seemed, just happen to me-"sweep me away"-or even possess me, "take over my personality"? Or were they, as they also seemed to be, what was most me, most mine, what best (or worst) defined me? Were my emotions good and good for me, or were they bad and bad for me (as my less emotional friends would continually caution me)? What did it mean-that sixties' expression-to be "in touch with one's feelings"? What was it to be an "authentic" person? ...
Over the next thirty years, I explored those questions by way of philosophy, psychology, anthropology, and biology... I had long been indignant that emotions were so neglected in philosophy, the self-appointed discipline of "rationality." ...
...Now the philosophy of emotions, and the idea that reason and emotions are in cahoots rather than antagonists, is a major research area in psychology and the fast-advancing neurosciences.
Check out the other clips from "Waking Life: on youtube.com. Interesting.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Emotional Intelligence is having a global impact. Don't be left out. Contract for coaching NOW. 817.741.7223. Come learn with the best. We've been doing this for years ... everyone else is just catching up.
According to an article in businessowner.co.za (that's South Africa), Anne Nurock, CEO of one of South Africa’s top advertising agencies, Grey Worldwide, recently gave a talk at the Innovation Hub, Master class for the Business Owner in Pretoria. She shared her experiences as both a woman in business, and as a leader and manager of people.
According to the article, when first approached with the opportunity to lead the agency, she asked whether she could be the deputy instead. How like a woman!
She says that the doubt that she experienced in her ability is what very often holds most women back.
“Women tend to be self-deprecating, not believing they deserve success,” she says. Nurock says she now uses every opportunity to encourage women to be assertive, without losing their femininity. “It doesn’t mean that if you like to wear pretty colours and frills that you are any less of a business person in the boardroom. Embrace what makes you a woman, don’t try to compete with men. Not that I am knocking men down, but women bring their own special abilities to doing business. Don’t lose that,” she said. (Take a look at her photo HERE and see that she is intentional - she practices what she preaches.)
Nurock took the advertising agency from the solid, reliable, predictable staid reputation it had built up where it was losing money to the vibrant, profitable business it is today.
The article ends with: Nurock believes that emotional intelligence (EQ) is as important as IQ. “A leader is only as good as the people around her,” she said.
Amen! Now don't be left out. This EQ is circling the globe faster than you can say "better world". If you want to get ahead, feel good, and have your life work better - get into emotional intelligence.
Read the complete article HERE.
Friday, January 05, 2007
As in The Book of Clichés ... Feeling lonely or afraid? Lost, heartbroken, overworked, or at wit's end? This site will show you how to reduce any profound emotional experience to a hollow cliché. Established in 1996, the Book of Clichés "lists phrases to say in times of trouble in a number of categories." When appropriate, and with people who care, you need to be able to express yourself; which means, of course, your feelings.
GITMO -- The US military's shorthand for a base in Cuba drives a wedge wider than a split infinitive.
"When did the notorious Guantanamo Bay Naval Base change to 'Gitmo,' a word that conjures up an image of a fluffy and sweet character from a Japanese anime show?" -- Marcus W., St. Louis, Missouri.
COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES -- Celebrity duos of yore -- BogCall (Bogart and Bacall), Lardy (Laurel and Hardy), and CheeChong (Cheech and Chong) -- just got lucky.
"It's bad enough that celebrities have to be the top news stories. Now we've given them obnoxious names such as 'Bragelina,' 'TomKat' and 'Bennifer.'" -- M. Foster, Port Huron, Michigan.
"It's so annoying, idiotic and so lame and pathetic that it's 'lamethetic.'" -- Ed of Centreville, Virginia.
AWESOME -- Given a one-year moratorium in 1984, when the Unicorn Hunters banished it "during which it is to be rehabilitated until it means 'fear mingled with admiration or reverence; a feeling produced by something majestic." Many write to tell us there's no hope and it's time for "the full banishment."
"The kind of tennis shoes you wear, no matter how cute, don't fit the majestic design of the word." -- Leila Hill, Damascus, Maryland.
"That a mop, a deodorant or a dating service can be called 'awesome' demonstrates the limited vocabularies of the country's copywriters." -- Tom Brinkmoeller, Orlando, Florida.
"Overused and meaningless.' My mother was hit by a car.' Awesome. 'I just got my college degree.' Awesome." -- Robert Bron, Pattaya, Chonburi, Thailand.
GONE/WENT MISSING -- "It makes 'missing' sound like a place you can visit, such as the Poconos. Is the person missing, or not? She went there but maybe she came back. 'Is missing' or 'was missing' would serve us better." -- Robin Dennis, Flower Mound, Texas.
PWN or PWNED -- Thr styff of lemgendz: Gamer defeats gamer, types in "I pwn you" rather than I OWN you.
"This word is just an overly used Internet typo. It has been overused to the point that people who play online games are using it in everyday speech." -- Tory Rowley, Corunna, Michigan.
"How often do movies premiere in laundromats or other places besides theaters? I know that when I want to see a movie I think about going to a shoe store." -- Andrea May, Shreveport, Louisiana.
WE'RE PREGNANT -- Grounded for nine months.
"Were men feeling left out of the whole morning sickness/huge belly/labor experience? You may both be expecting, but only one of you is pregnant." -- Sharla Hulsey, Sac City, Iowa.
"I'm sure any woman who has given birth will tell you that 'WE' did not deliver the baby." -- Marlena Linne, Greenfield, Indiana.
UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN -- "If they haven't followed the law to get here, they are by definition 'illegal.' It's like saying a drug dealer is an 'undocumented pharmacist.'" -- John Varga, Westfield, New Jersey.
ARMED ROBBERY/DRUG DEAL GONE BAD -- From the news reports. What degree of "bad" don't we understand? Larry Lillehammer of Bonney Lake, Washington, asks, "After it stopped going well and good?"
TRUTHINESS – "This word, popularized by The Colbert Report and exalted by the American Dialectic Society's Word of the Year in 2005 has been used up. What used to ring true is getting all the truth wrung out of it." -- Joe Grimm, Detroit, Michigan.
ASK YOUR DOCTOR -- The chewable vitamin morphine of marketing.
"Ask your doctor if 'fill in the blank' is right for you! Heck, just take one and see if it makes you 'fill in the blank' or get deathly ill." -- R.C. Amundson, Oakville, Washington.
"I don't think my doctor would appreciate my calling him after seeing a TV ad." -- Peter B. Liveright, Lutherville, Maryland.
The doctors among us may have something to say about this one!
CHIPOTLE – Smoked dry over medium heat.
"Prior to 2005 . . . a roasted jalapeno. Now we have a 'chipotle' burrito with 'chipotle' marinated meat, 'chipotle' peppers, sprinkled with a 'chipotle' seasoning and smothered in a 'chipotle' sauce. Time to give this word a rest." – Rob Zeiger, Bristol, Pennsylvania.
i-ANYTHING -- 'e-Anything' made the list in 2000. Geoff Steinhart of Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, says tech companies everywhere have picked this apple to the core. "Turn on…tune in…and drop out."
"Banish any word that starts with it. i am just tired of it. it's getting old. -- Brad Butler, Adrian, Michigan.
SEARCH -- Quasi-anachronism. Placed on one-year moratorium.
"Might as well banish it. The word has been replaced by 'google.'" -- Michael Raczko, Swanton, Ohio.
HEALTHY FOOD -- Point of view is everything.
Someone told Joy Wiltzius of Fort Collins, Colorado, that the tuna steak she had for lunch "sounded healthy." Her reply: "If my lunch were healthy, it would still be swimming somewhere. Grilled and nestled in salad greens, it's 'healthful.'"
BOASTS -- See classified advertisements for houses, says Morris Conklin of Lisboa, Portugal, as in "master bedroom boasts his-and-her fireplaces -- never 'bathroom apologizes for cracked linoleum,' or 'kitchen laments pathetic placement of electrical outlets.'"
LSSU accepts nominations for the banished-words list throughout the year. To submit your nomination for the 2008 list, go to http://www.lssu.edu/banished/submit_word.php.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
ANNOYING HABIT NO. 1: CLINGING TO THE PAST
Monday, January 01, 2007
- Essential Difference: Truth about Male & Female Brain.
- A reading from Semiramis. She unites couples. mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org .
email reading, $50. Phone reading, $100.
- Relationship coaching. Susan is "How to Attract Your Dream Man" for expert.com.
IT'S A NEW YEAR, MAKE IT A NEW BEGINNING
Margaret Loris, The Sunhealer, has some great tips for us to begin the New Year free from past misunderstandings and grievances. Here is her article:
Here’s a powerful technique to begin the New Year free from past misunderstandings and grievances you have. Let’s begin by taking responsibility for our lives and commit to live in power by releasing victimhood and blame.
When we hold someone bondage to the past, we keep ourselves captive also. We remember the pain and fear it repeating again. So we close down, build defenses, and wall off our hearts and emotions. Remember, some people are repeat offenders and never change.
At least we give them the space and opportunity to grow. If you have someone like this in your life, you can choose to disassociate from them. They have free choice too. Forgiving means stopping your permission for their behavior to be repeated and that what was done was unacceptable.
Forgiveness is needed for behaviors that were abusive and need to be ended. So when we forgive, we unchain the past and the unforgiven from our minds and our hearts. We stop giving permission for them to torment our minds and our thoughts. Both you and the other person are free to grow into unlimited possibilities and evolve. This opens the door for miracles to occur. You can give them the opportunity to recognize their core star essence and let that light shine brightly.
Simultaneously, you also recharge and renew yours. This may be inappropriate for the random act of violence from a stranger, or for someone who was abused as a child or while in some other position of true helplessness. Further healing may be required.
Step 1: To begin, imagine your offender in front of you. Next, we are going to ask them, in deep sincerity, to forgive us. Yes, we will take the reigns and ask for forgiveness first, even if we are totally innocent. If you find this difficult, simply go up to their Soul level and ask Soul to Soul. For example, perhaps I am angry with my mother for forcing me to eat spinach when I hated it. I would say, “Mother, will you forgive me?” If that person doesn’t or can’t answer you, their Soul will respond “YES!” because their Soul wants freedom and forgiveness too. It’s that easy.
Step 2: Declare your forgiveness to them first. “I, (Margaret) forgive (my mother) for (making me eat spinach). I release and forgive her for her highest good.”
Step 3: Next, imagine going up to that person and giving them a heart to heart hug. If your pain, anger and resentment prevents this heart connection, again communicate your Soul with their Soul. There is no grievance on the upper planes.
Step 4: Really begin to sense that person’s soul essence. Stay there as long as it takes to feel a love connection. Remember, I am with you if you feel uncomfortable. It will be all right. Just give it a chance. You’ll begin to feel hardness melt. Begin to feel their heart beat against your chest. Sink deeper in --- Realize this person’s God Presence is the same God Presence that lives in you. Feel the pain, bitterness and anger releasing. Relax, take a deep breath, and go deeper yet. Rest.
Step 5: Pay attention to your emotions and what your partner says and feels towards you. Rest and find comfort in knowing that you are healing two people very deeply and on many levels.
Step 6: Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness and, as a result, being freed from continuing the behavior that hurt you.
Step 7: Feel yourself growing lighter and more joyous. Know you are free to move on and create your life in happiness and love.
Here is a beginning list of people to forgive to get started:
- Doctors and Nurses
- Bosses, Employees and Colleagues
- Teachers and Peers
- Old boyfriends/girlfriends, Lovers, Ex-wives and husbands
You get the idea. Now set yourself free!
Which brings up the one person you left out -- YOU. Being relentlessly and adamantly self-forgiving is an emotional intelligence component and an important one. Until you can forive yourself, you cannot forgive anyone else. Remember that you forgive for YOUR benefit, not theirs.
For coaching, call 817-734-1471.
EQ, relationships, career, leadership, healing, transitions, transformations.
"Burlaks on the Volga River", this magnificent painting of Czarist Russian, is now in the public doman. Click HERE to see the painting enlarged.
You may also be familiar with the Russian folk song, "The Volga Boatmen."
The lyrics to the refrain are:
Mighty stream so deep and wide
Volga Volga you’re our pride
Heave ho, heave ho
You can hear "The Volga Boatman" here from an old Nelson Eddy movie:
Now take another look at the painting, please. This is an exercise I use in my Emotional Intelligence course, incidentally, and in seminars. In it we see a team at work, doing manual labor. You can probably identify some of the people in the painting. Who is the young golden boy? The one at the rear who seems about to collapse? The leader in the front, old, but apparently doing fine? Which one is you?
Now, on a blog entitled "Volga Boatman," a member of the clergy writes:
"Thinking about liturgical music, the Volga boatmen came to mind. Somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind is an image of men on a towpath, dragging a boat through a canal, accompanied by 'Yo, heave, ho.' And there are times when I feel like one of the guys on the rope line. Dragging the congregation through a Mass, dragging a choir through a new hymn or setting. But those are nothing compared to the way it's going to feel when we try to move forward from what many refer to as 'the four-hymn Mass' to 'ritual music.'
"Anyone who works in the church music world knows that after almost every Mass, someone comes up and tells you that she loves the music because it’s strong/tender/enlivening/
comforting/'real Catholic music'/up-to-date, etc.
That individual is followed by someone who hates it. It’s too loud/soft/fast/slow/traditional/
[I used to be the Outreach Director for a church and greeted people as they came in the sanctuary. I would hear, "It's too hot in here/just right in here for once/freezing cold in here." Everyone should have this experience in order to understand what "leadership" is all about.]
However, that's not my point here. I have a few questions for you, actually.
1. Do you find it odd the clergyman didn't see himself as the man on the boat in the orange shirt? 2. Would there be anything 'wrong' if the leader were on the boat, not hauling?
3. What about if he were pitching in? He appears to see himself perhaps as the man in the front right. Dragging them forward.
4. If you were the man in the orange shirt directing this whole thing, would you feel guilty?
5. Did you even see the man on the boat in the orange shirt?
It's about the big picture:
- Not letting your emotions get in the way of your perceptions,
- About what you 'read into' a painting. We all do this. That's why there are paintings, and why we love them. (The great arts [culture] BTW, are an important component of emotional intelligence).
- The experiences you have had, and the emotions around them that you bring to apainting become your reality.
- Your beliefs and attitudes about labor, i.e., all work is slave labor and you are condemned to do it ... or think-work is lazy, manual labor is "honest labor"
- How much you identify with the people in a painting and why
- How much you know about Czarist Russian and if you can distance yourself to get intellectual; or, conversely, if you automatically intellectualize your emotions
- Your attitudes toward paintings - worthless nonsence, "not for me," "what's the purpose - why are you 'making' me look at a painting?"
Some people identify with the Volga boatmen, and immediately start talking about "slave labor." Others identify with the suffering in general (especially if they are familiar with this time period in Russia's history) and they usually fail to see the men on the boat, or to remember them. Some who are leaders see themselves as the man in the orange shirt, while others who are leaders see themselves as the man front left. Others might start fantasizing about never having to work. There are many reactions you can have.
One suggestion for the New Year, if you see yourself on your current job as one of the Volga boatmen - slave labor, and heave ho, heave ho - it may be time for a new job?
Call me for coaching: 817.734.1471.