Demographic Trends Predict Greater Need for EQ in Workplace

Demographic Trends Predict Greater need for EQ in Workplace
By: Susan Dunn

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, coaches individuals and executives in emotional intelligence, and offers workshops, presentations, trainings, Internet courses and ebooks. She is a regular presenter for the Royal Caribbean and Costa cruiselines. Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.

SUSAN DUNN ALSO TRAINS AND CERTIFIES COACHES IN ALL AREAS. Email her at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information on becoming a certified coach.

Demographic trends and experiential evidence build a strong case for getting emotional intelligence in your business right away if you want to retain good employees.

There is a demographic trend of which HR personnel, management, and CEOs need to be aware. According to trends analyst, Cheryl Russell, by the year 2005, the most common household in the US will be single-person households. "Never before in American history has living alone been the predominant lifestyle," says Russell, and the time is fast approaching.

According to the American Association for Single people (www.singlesrights.com/main.html), the 2000 UC Census reported that 82 million men and women in the United States are unmarried. This figure includes nearly 20 million adults who are divorced, 13.6 million who are widowed, and more than 48 million who have never married.

•More than 48% of all households in the nation are headed by unmarried individuals.
•About 40% of the workforce is unmarried.
•Approximately 36% of people who voted in the last national election were unmarried.
•About 27 million Americans live alone, while about 2 million adults live with an unmarried partner
The Census Bureau has projected that between the ages of 15 and 85, the average man and woman will experience more years being unmarried than they will being married. According to this data, a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone. If you define adults as those over 18, 44% of US adults - that's nearly half -- are singles.

At the same time, more Americans than ever are divorcing. The number of divorced men and women has more than quadrupled in the past 3 decades: 4.3 million to 18.3 million. According to one study, in all but the 55 to 64 age group, 30% or more of the population is single. Of the 18 to 24 age group, 85.9% are single. This is a very substantial change from a generation ago, and this is the group that will be coming your way!

The American Association for Single People (AASP) states its mission as follows: "Because government and corporate policies are often not fair to unmarried Americans, there is a need for an organization to be an advocate for this large and growing unmarried constituency - an advocate for equality and equity. The AASP has done extensive studies of census data and report the following trends:

Single Family households: 1960, 13.1%; 1980, 22.7%; 2000, 25.5%
Married Couples: 1960, 74.3%; 1980, 60.8%; 2000, 52.8%
Unmarried Adults 18+ 1970, 28.3%; 1980, 34.3%; 2000, 40.4%
Their projection for 2010 is that 47.2% of the adults over the age of 18 will be unmarried.

If we assume that this trend continues, and Cheryl Russell is not the only one who thinks it will, what will this mean to the workplace?

I'm going to make two points regarding these demographic trends, and then build a case for bringing emotional intelligence programs into the workplace, and I want you to follow my line of reasoning here.

First of all, there will be increasing pressure for economic, political and legal reforms to accommodate this shift to unmarried adults.

Secondly, it seems apparent that adults are going to be seeking more connection, more social contact, and more emotional expression at work - with nearly half of workers being single.

While living alone does not necessarily mean lonely, it does mean that whatever emotional needs were being met previously by marriage will not be met. It may mean wider social networks, with more expectations that these needs be met at work since most adults work at least 8 hours a day, sometimes many more hours. And those who are unmarried and live alone will, well, go home alone.

Those adults who live alone will have less emotional support and fewer outlets for emotional expression and meaningful contact outside of the workplace. We have already become aware that among the homeless population, a large number of single mothers rely upon a child for their major source of emotional support which is not adequate, and is not good for either the child or the mother.

And, meanwhile, what is the biggest problem for most employers today? Finding good workers and retaining them. In the same way that the workplace began, of necessity, to accommodate to the needs of dual-working couples, by providing flexible schedules and on-site daycare for instance, the smart company is going to begin thinking about what these demographics mean, and how to provide for what is going to be needed if they hope to attract and keep the best workers.

It seems to me that two forces are going to come together -- a continued need to secure and retain the best employees, and the growing number of single or unmarried adults in the workforce - and mandate bringing more emotional intelligence into the workplace.

And why the call for more emotional intelligence? We're already seeing an emphasis on what were formerly called "soft skills" because of the wisdom of experience. It has become evident in recent years, as downsizing, over-workload, information escalation and accelerated rate of change demand more and more teamwork and shared resources, that IQ, intellect, training, education and expertise are no longer sufficient alone.

The productive and valuable employee, the visionary leader, and the effective manager must also have those competencies which we call emotional intelligence, or EQ. They must be able to negotiate win-win situations, forge teams and work with them, share information, have, use and nurture interpersonal skills to forward projects, lead with integrity and intentionality, be able to handle constructive discontent, be adaptable and flexible in the face of chaotic change, be creative, and remain resilient.

Now let's pause for a moment to consider an example of how intellect and emotional intelligence work together optimally. If times are turbulent now, consider the late 1950s when the launch of Sputnik forced the US into the space race, already a day late and a dollar behind. Our IQ-EQ example will be William Pickering, known as "The Rocket Man". Less than 3 months after Sputnik was launched in 1957, Explorer I was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, and Pickering was the man behind this phenomenal feat.
He was and is, a central figure in the American space race.

Pickering had all the proper degrees - a B.S. in Electrical Engineering, and a Ph.D. in Physics, and he was appointed Director of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in 1954, but not solely because of his intellect. Consider who else was around at the time - von Braun and van Allen, for two examples.

As one newspaper article put it, "[Pickering's] rise to the top had to do with both how well he knew science and how well he knew scientists. His role of director was a multifaceted one: not only was his scientific and technical expertise to the fore, but his antipodean diplomacy was required to lead not only volatile and brilliant scientists, but also work with politicians and the military hierarchy during the pressure cooker political environment of the Cold War."

"As lab director, he had to bring Dr. James van Allen and Dr. von Braun, two geniuses, together for a common goal in an incredibly short time frame, while breathing down their necks was [sic] the government, the Pentagon and the patriot demands of the American people." [www.harvardsquarelibrary.org/unitarians/pickering.html] Later followed Explorer II and Venus.

Former president of Caltech Thomas E. Everhart said of Pickering: "More than any other individual, Bill Pickering was responsible for America's success in exploring the planets-an endeavor that demanded vision, courage, dedication, expertise and the ability to inspire two generations of scientists and engineers...."

Pickering, then, is a fine example of someone who had both IQ and EQ; the education, expertise and intelligence combined with the ability to unite people and inspire others to work together toward a common goal, and, I would add, the ability to handle a veritable cauldron of emotion. Call it pressure, if you will.

So this is one mandate for emotional intelligence, and the one that exists regardless of extraneous conditions: We are simply more effective when we are able to manage our emotions and the emotions of others, to relate well, to inspire, coalesce teams, motivate, find creative solutions, get along, and lead. Research shows us that we need our emotions and our intellect, expertise, training and skills in order to make good decisions, remain intentional, function with integrity, generate alternatives, solve problems creatively, relate well interpersonally, manage stress, and remain resilient.

The other mandate for emotional intelligence is trend-dependent - a workforce of increasingly single and/or unmarried persons whose emotional and social needs may be pressing, and who may be seeking to meet more of these at work, or at any rate to exercise them.

Let's state it more bluntly: if you want to attract and retain the best workers, a cold, authoritarian, sterile and unfeeling workplace is not going to cut it. A human being can't live alone in the evening and at night, and then work alone all day in an emotionally inert atmosphere. Isolation - literally or figuratively - has been shown repeatedly to be as bad for our health or worse than smoking, high blood pressure, and/or obesity, sometimes combined. It affects both mental and physical health.

But the fact remains, we are simply going to need one another more at work, and need each other in the fullest sense, as working people with emotions and all of our humanity. We are our emotions.

We can begin now to instigate programs in the workplace that allow us to tap further into one of the most powerful of our intelligences, our emotional intelligence. When we experience and manage our emotions and those of others, we work better, we feel better, and we are better. When we treat one another with respect, dignity, integrity, and compassion, we work better, feel better and are better. Developing emotional intelligence gives each individual a chance to increase work effectiveness and satisfaction, deepen relationships, strengthen leadership talents, and awaken creative spirit, and it can be learned. It then becomes a force multiplier.

So, why wait? Let's start learning it now.

Emotional Intelligence with The EQ Coach

The peaceful moment
A BLOGGER WRITES about a moment of emotional intelligence:

Before the Storm
Sitting in my car watching the sun rise, I’m calm. I just finished a workout at the gym and found a quiet spot on a quiet road to pull over and enjoy my breakfast-to-go. This may be my last opportunity to feel this way for a while.

On Saturday, I leave for Italy; then one day after returning, board another plane for Malaysia. Frantically preparing for two weeks away from my home & office is all I’ll be doing once I pull away from this calm spot. So I linger - chewing on my bagel - and enjoy the last few moments of quiet before a firestorm of activity kicks in.

This struck me as such a great example of emotional intelligence. This is someone who really knows themselves, and their feelings. And good vacabulary, i.e., he might have said "before the nightmare begins" or "before I go nuts," or dramatic things like that, be shows remarkable restraint in this writing.

These are feelings we can all relate too - the frenetic energy of travel and being away from homw, especially for business.

But how many of us have the emotional intelligence to find a quiet moment and pull over the the side of the road and rest.

Well, I did the other day. I'd been in the car seemingly all day. Well, a drive, then a 3-hour appointment, then an hour's drive, and I arrived at the destination early. It was mid-afternoon, and I've never really wanted to give up my preschooler's afternoon nap, so I pulled off the road to grab 40 winks. Except in this case, I pulled into a large and empty church parking lot, because I thought I'd be safe there. I was way over by the dumpster, and there were just a couple cars way over on the other side.

I laid back the car seat, opened the windows, and leaned back to relax. Several minutes later there was a knock on the window. Some man was concerned about the daycare there and not wanting the children to ... you know. The knock on the window scared me and took away all the good effects of the rest.

So - remember - it's emotional intelligence but alsological/intellectual intelligence, i.e., next time I won't choose a church parking lot!

And back to our friend, above. I feel sure he handled the travel well. He sounds like that kinda guy.

Call Susan Dunn the Emotional Intelligence Coach for help in increasing your emotional intelligence. I offer online courses, email support, phone coaching, and in addition, I train and certify coaches internationally. Don't wait. Do it now. Before the firestorm of activity begins. Again. sdunn@susandunn.cc or 817-734-1471.

Emotional Intelligence better predictor of success in life than high grades in high school

The Huffington Post has an interesting new article about emotional intelligence. You can read it here.

A few quotes:

"School is a place where former A students teach mostly B students to work for C students."

High school grades were never designed to assess the qualities that make you a success in the working world -- like single-minded drive, creativity, and the ability to read people accurately.

Over the last decade, [psychologist James] Parker has been testing first-year students at Trent [University] for social and emotional intelligence, qualities such as understanding of themselves and of others, plus the ability to adapt and manage stress.

So what was the difference between A students and the ones who struggled or even dropped out? It was emotional intelligence, especially the ability to adapt and manage stress.

If you'd like to increase you emotional intelligence (EQ) or learn how to teach others how to increase theirs, by being a certified EQ Coach, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers a long-distance, Internet program to train and certify emotional intelligence (EQ) coaches. The course is based on empirical data and research and consists of reading material on the Internet, email support and weekly phone calls. For more information contact Susan at sdunn@susandunn.cc or visit her on the web. Susan Dunn has trained and certified coaches all over the world in this highly effective, affordable program.

The Harp: Emotional Intelligence and Healing

THE HARP - an appropriate topic for Christmas time

Some say the harp is the most healing instrument -- both to listen to, and to play. Read about HEALING STRINGS - serving the critically and chronically ill and the dying, providing harp music at the bedside from the neonatal ICU to Hospice.

"It took me away from the hospital to a place to beauty and stillness." - a post-op patient

Why the harp? It has centuries of archetypal associations to angels, peace, healing, comfort, the end of suffering, and

... Heaven.



Why the harp?

It's wide pitch range (low C-32.703 Hz to high G-3136.0 Hz), vibrates the entire body;

It's unique glissando technique, using enharmonic tones, is heavenly;

Pythagoras saw the strings as symbols of the nervous system and plucking the strings appears to release tension;

Playing the harp vibrates the harpist's body, especially the thymus gland which is in the chest and important to the immune system

Even as long as 3,000 years ago, we understood the relationship between the music of the harp and the healing of the body and mind.

Recent medical studies have confirmed that the particular frequencies and sounds of the harp can aid healing and foster well-being.

This is true of other instruments and of classical music.



Susan Dunn, the EQ Coach also offer Club Vivo Per Lei

How to Comfort Someone Whose Child Has Died

Chettie blowing a kiss. Chester died April 1, 1999, at the age of 21. It could have been yesterday.

HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE WHOSE CHILD HAS DIED
by Susan Dunn
Look for my book on the death of a child due to come out next year.

When a friend suffers the loss of a child, we don't know how to comfort them. Our first thought is usually, "I don't know what to say." When a child is lost, we all suffer, and it's particularly hard for other parents to deal with.

"Friends would cross the street to avoid me," one client told me.

What to say and how to help the grieving parents is a challenge.

I had first-hand experience with this when my son died several years ago. Let me share some thoughts from that perspective.

There are some things that aren't helpful:

•Asking the person what you can do to help, or any question, is beyond their capacity. People devastated by grief can't make the simplest decision, and they still have to make burial arrangements, etc. They are only capable of going through the motions. Nothing more. One foot in front of the other.

•Saying most of the things they say in movies --he's in a better place, it was God's will, your memories will comfort you, time will heal. They make no sense at the time. The person is trying to figure out something incomprehensible and doesn't have space to fit in other ideas.

•Assuming the grief-stricken person needs to express their emotions. It's all the person can do to contain the emotions. It's self-protection to shut down, and it's necessary.

•Trying ... trying anything. The grieving person feels the emotional pull when they're already on their last nerve and have nothing to give ... 'this person is trying to make me feel better, make me cry, make me explain something. I'm supposed to do something and I can't.' It's a fragile state.

•Thinking the grieving person needs to do something. To the grieving person, it feels like pressure, it makes absolutely no sense, and often it isn't 'needed' anyway. "You must eat something," elicits "Why?" You can't imagine how you're bouncing pebbles off a distant planet. Words, I'm sorry to say, really aren't of much use.

•References to other deaths. It's just a time not to do that, like sending a book about coping with the death of a child. The person needs not to be a part of a group -- widows who've lost husbands, mothers who've lost sons ... It needs to stand alone.

What, then, can you do?

Burying your own child has been called "a perversion of nature," and is that difficult to get your mind around. What parent has ever considered having to do this? Most of us care more about our children than life itself, and we cannot afford to entertain that thought, so there is no preparation. It's something we sincerely hope will happen to someone else, not us, if it must happen.

We expect our parents to die in our lifetime; it's difficult, but we've been expecting it.

Here are some of the things that helped me through. I can't say they comforted me, as for a time there was no way to comfort me, and I guess that's a point to be made. You don't even want to be comforted. What you want is your child back.

Understand I'm speaking from my personal experience. It's a terrible insult to imagine what someone else is feeling at this time, or what might help.

•My younger sister came to the Memorial Service and just made small talk. When she left, to go back home, she shook her head and said, "Oh Susan." She left a tape by Ian Tyson on my bedside table ... rock with me Jesus help me bear this heavy load, don't let her slip, don't let her slide ... all cowboys cross the Great Divide.

•After the dinner after the Service, folks came back to my house. My niece sat beside me and stroked my hair while she talked with everyone, so I didn't have to.

•A colleague at work met me coming out of the elevator my first day back to work. He looked up, then looked down with tears in his eyes and said, "I don't know what to say," and walked away with his shoulders bent. He had a child the same age as mine. It was thoughtful of him not to stick around and have me feel the need to comfort him.

•My friend who said, "Give me a list of people to call. I'll tell them for you."

•My boss said, when I returned to work, "The only reason I'm letting you be here is that it's maybe slightly better than being home." He gave me little things to do, to occupy my mind, but nothing requiring judgment.

•My twin sister called me every 6 weeks and said she was flying out for a visit. (Didn't ask, said.) She would show up at the house and just putter ... cook, clean, garden ... She didn't disturb me.

•When she answered the phone, I heard her say, "She can't talk now. She's seeking the mercy of sleep."

•My friend, who'd lost her 8 month old son ... when I asked her "How do I live with this?" she said, "I don't know. Yours is different. Mine was [just a baby] but yours was [21] and the longer you have them the worse it is." What a magnanimous statement.

•My friend who wrote, "From now on, for me, every tree will be missing a leaf."

•My son's friend who told me, when she heard about it, "That's really [expletive]."

•Between visits, my sister sent me homemade chocolate chip cookies, something very symbolic between the two of us. Mother ... home ... happier times. They arrived in shoe boxes, wrapped in plain brown paper. It's a time to be basic.

•The people who talked about how wonderful my son was, only at a distance ... by email, or letters.

•The friend who gave me a gift certificate for 10 massages.

•People who would, and still do, speak his name.

•Friends who remember the anniversary of his death. For most of us, it will never recede in time. It could be yesterday. It could even be today.

In the acute state of grief, the person can't think, and there's no emotional space. What isn't occupied by grief, is occupied by anger, which the person is trying not to vent against an innocent person. Just be around them, lovingly. Words aren't absorbed. There's authenticity in saying "I don't know what to say," when you don't.

Avoid trying to pull their emotions out, or to put yours on them. (Some people do express them.) Don't make any cognitive or emotional demands. If you can, remove cognitive tasks, i.e., tell them you're picking them up for dinner at Chili's, Tuesday at 6, and to wear jeans.

A gentle touch means a lot. Accept how they're being at the time. Understand that for them to respond is asking them to produce energy they don't have. Even the most gracious of us are hard-put to be gracious at such a time.

Avoid any references to "time." Time may heal this, time may not. You don't know, and the person isn't sure at all.

Chances are good "with time" your efforts will be appreciated and remembered, even if they didn't appear to hit the mark at the time. I'm not sure there is "a mark" to hit. Do the best you can, from your heart. Sincere, heartfelt intentions speak much louder than actual words.

(c) 2010 Susan Dunn, All rights reserved.

About Expectations and the Family Vacation

Are you getting ready to take the kids on a vacation? If so, check out my article "About Expectations and the Family Vacation."

I offer coaching on most issues (career, personal, relationship, transition, emotional intelligence) and also train and certify you to be a coach. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Susan Dunn's Favorite Communication Operating Principles

Favorite Communication Operating Principles
by Susan Dunn

Virginia Sapir, a psychologist and pioneer in family counseling, wrote: "Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him."

With this in mind, I present some my favorite Communication Operating Principals.

1. "In order to understand what another person is saying you must assume it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of."
~ George Miller ~

2. "The first law of communication is: Assume you have been misunderstood."
~ Source Unknown ~

3. "Men can take up to 7 hours longer [than women] to process complex emotive data. [They] will not know what they feel at the moment of feeling and will take longer to figure it out. [They] may not be able to put their feelings in words - if they choose a verbal strategy at all."
~Michael Gurian, author of "What Could He Be Thinking" ~

4. "Verbal confrontation is as natural to men as walking or breathing, and as unconscious."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin, author of "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" ~

5. "There is a libraryful of research to indicate that logic is almost useless as a way of convincing people of anything."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

6. "Never use Hedges ('I know you'd never let me, but . '). They are exactly equivalent to wearing a big sign that say 'Please kick me - I would love to be a victim.'"
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

7. "If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions."
~ Gary Smalley ~

8. "For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver."
~ George Ade ~

9. "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
~ Peter Drucker ~

10. "Sympathetic people often don't communicate well. They * back reflected images which hide their own depths."
~ George Eliot ~

11. "If you can always be taken by surprise because you have no idea what verbal aggression is or how to spot it, you are an ideal target."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

12. "The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."
~ John Powell ~

Whether we're communicating at work, socially, or in an intimate relationship, and whether we're communicating thoughts or feelings, it's a strategy, a choice we make in an effort to accomplish something. And, it's good to remember - if you're there, you're communicating SOMETHING, whether you mean to or not.

Interpersonal skills are part of emotional intelligence and can be learned. Become aware of your communication style and work to improve it.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Everyone's going to be hiring a coach in January, when it's time for New Year's Resolutions. I can get you trained, certified and ready to go by January 1. email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc. My training program is long distance, by phone, Internet courses and email.

THANKSGIVING THOUGHTS

Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.
~George Herbert

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. ~H.U. Westermayer


If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~Edward Sandford Martin


Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~W.J. Cameron

What are Reptiles on Caffeine Like?

I'm reading Brooke S. Musterman's "Reptiles on Caffeine," and enjoying it so much. I'm quoted in it quite a few times. "People are strange," it begins ... and Brooke tells about the strange behaviors encountered at a Cafe, much of them stress-related. We learn a lot about the reptilian brain.

What's the reptilian brain? It's the oldest of our three ("Triune") brains, and its influence is automatic, programmed, and quite often outside our conscious awareness. It's the brain we share with reptiles (who do not have a limbic brain, which we share with mammals, nor a neocortex, which humans alone have.) Because it is the oldest, and concerned with survival, it is the most powerful. It pays to get to know it ... here's why.

As Dr, Suzanne LaCombe writes in her article, "What's with the Reptile?":

...almost everyone underestimates the influence of the reptilian brain.

The reptilian brain (comprising the brainstem and spinal cord) in combination with our limbic system is in effect where the personality resides: our idiosyncracies, our way of being with others, who you are emotionally and behaviourally.

[The reptilian brain and limbic system] form the biological infrastructure of the right brain.

From Reptiles on Caffeine:

The reptilian brainstem is like a bodyguard who is constantly watching your back, constantly scanning the environment for threats.

You can see that getting this on a chain would be important.

Because it involves the right brain, if you want to make changes in your self, your beliefs, your thinking, your reactions, your "personality," and therefor your LIFE, you need to engage the right brain. ("Change your self, and your world changes.") See my ebook "Changing Beliefs". The title, BTW, in fact the topic, was suggested to me by a client. Someone who was obviously ready to learn and grow and change.

The right brain holds the old neuropathways carved in infancy, when you first started relating to others and learning about your world. Our brains are called "plastic," because you can continue to form new pathways probably your entire life. You can learn to modify these, change them, and even form new ones. Then you can change things that are not working in your life.

Want to learn more? Take THE EQ COURSE(tm). The material is even presented in a right-brained way to help get you started. What's a "right-brained way"? Well, you'll see in the Internet course, which includes workbook lessons that you email for feedback. It's adult learning, self-paced, affordable and effective.

It's doubly effective combined with personal coaching.

Susan Dunn, M.A., Clinical Psychology
Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

MELTDOWN: Never Has There Been More Need for The EQ Course(tm) and Coaching

"Don't touch me," writes Keith. "I'm a live wire right now."

Keith finally achieved getting his bride and her child into the US from Nigeria this year and just found he has been laid off from his job, after buying a house and remodeling it which he knows he cannot resell right now were he able to find work anywhere.

Daily I receive emails, as if the screaming headlines weren't enough:

Economic Meltdown
1,000,000 Jobs Will Be Lost This Year
Seniors' IRAs Devastated
Foreclosures at All-Time High
Declining House Values
Stress Mounts as Markets Decline

People who may have, in the past, scoffed at the idea of "emotional intelligence," are now taking a second look, because emotions are in meltdown as well. The stress builds. The uncertainty. And the losses.

Alfredo's monthly payments from his IRAs are now 50% less. His wife writes me because he has become depressed and impotent, surly and agitated. Impossible to live with. "It's happened to everyone else," she tells him.

But this is different - because it happened to YOU.

Because of the economic crisis and the need, I am offering The EQ Course, which comes with unlimited email, and telephone coaching, as well as the Internet course, for just $79.95. This is less than half price. You can order it here. It comes with email support and coaching by telephone.

Learning about emotional intelligence, and getting coaching are crucial to managing the ravaging emotions we are experiencing now.

One woman I coach moved to a new town one year ago, has not been able to
find a job there, and is getting ready to move to another state to live with her
sister until she can stablize. This is two moves in 2 years and this woman
is over 50.

Click here to register and take The EQ Course(tm) for just $79.95. Offer good through February 1, 2009. For more information, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Client Michael: "This course saved my life."

Warning: Stress can make you (your brain) dysfunctional just when you need it the most.
But "you" are not your "brain," you are your EMOTIONS. If you're lucky enough to have a job, worrying about losing it can cause that to happen. This course does not talk about designer fads like "law of attraction" and "positive affirmations." This course deals with the real nitty-gritty.

And if ever there were a time for it, it is NOW.

Order the course now, before you forget. Being scattered is part of the stress. I can help you. Call me if you want more information: 817-741-7223.

An Expert Should Be Knowledgeable, Helpful, Polite and Timely

Rating of Susan Dunn by Emily (from an Expert site I'm on)

knowledgeability - 10
helpfulness - 10
timeliness - 10
politeness - 10

Comment - Those 10's are not accidents. I see the boxes and I'm giving Susan 10's for all of it. Not only did she answer me fast and accurate but she gave me ideas I never even thought of or forgot to write about. Susan Dunn doesn't sugar coat. That puts a film on things that makes it impossible to learn. Excellent expert you have here.

Susan Dunn EQ Coach

There are lots of Susan Dunns. Two of them are famous. One is an opera star and the other writes history books. I'm the one who is an EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and Personal Life Coach.

On her blog, Carol Ross put the following quote from Susan Dunn, the historian, which caught my eye, it being election eve:

"[O]nly tolerance for opposition and conflict can guarantee the survival of political freedom."
--Susan Dunn, in the introduction to The Social Contract and the First and Second Discourses by Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Without tolerance for opposition and conflict, we would not have a democracy after all, we would have a dictatorship or autocracy.

Ross adds that what's out there is also within us. We often have conflicts, and this is how we learn, make decisions, use good judgment, get balaced, grow, and get resolution. Many decisions are made through conflict - I want to move/I want to stay here; I want to change jobs/I'm afraid to change jobs; I want Mary but I also want Sue; I want to get an A and I don't want to study.

Some of our biggest conflicts occur when our "brains" are fighting each other. Let's say your reptilian brain wants you to eat that steak and hot fudge sundae, saying it's hungry ... and your neocortex tells you that if you want to continue losing weight you cannot do that.

What's interesting is that on her blog, Ross mentions her coach a lot. Hooray for coaches and coaching! Yes coaches help people. I'm proud to be a part of the profession.

If Emotional Intelligence Improves SAT Scores How Do You Learn It?

Emotional Intelligence Makes The Grade is the title of the article, featured on medicalnewstoday, and other medical news' sites. To read the whole article, go here.

According to a study presented at The British Psychological Society's Education Section Annual Conference, students' emotional intelligence (which they define as "the ability to identify, assess, and manage your own and others' emotions") was measured, and then compared to their English and Science scores on the SAT and later on the GCSE.

Findings:

A significant relationship was found between boys' emotional intelligence and
their SAT and GCSE English scores, with boys with higher emotional intelligence
scores doing better in these exams.

While for girls, a relationship between emotional intelligence and their SAT
Science scores was discovered; girls with higher emotional intelligence scores
did better in this exam.

Dr Pamela Qualter, from the University of Central Lancashire, said: "...our
results suggest that emotional intelligence is another key predictor of academic
success. "

One implication of this research is that opportunities to develop students'
emotional intelligence could be a way to improve their educational
achievement.

Resources for improving your (or your child's emotional intelligene):

• Take The EQ (Emotional Intelligence) Course(tm)
• For best results, combine it with individual Emotional Intelligence with Susan Dunn, M.A., The EQ Coach
• Read How to Develop Your Child's Emotional Intelligence

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how to learn it, email me to schedule a free phone consultation - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Do You Need a Reason to Travel?

Better Health by Traveling
by Jerry Waxman

From today's mailbag, all the way from Israel. Appropos ... Nancy, Hale and I are heading for the Caribbean at yet another stressful time -- the holidays. December 18-22, I'm gettin' outa here!

From the article:

Everywhere you go, whenever you turn on the television, you see and hear reminders that "These are troubled times." Are these messages useful?

The number one remedy: Do some traveling

If you look around, you'll see that stores are still open, and people are still going about their daily routines. And that's how things should be. Part of the routine must include taking a vacation

We may not have much control over how our leaders handle the economy. But we do control how we react. Just because everybody says there is an economic crisis does not mean we have to have a personal crisis.

The best reactions to an economic crisis are either:
1. Find ways to make more money, or
2. Take a vacation, or
3. Both

Excerpts:

A vacation reduces stress. That is the greatest value of a vacation.

Scientists have shown that workers are more productive after a break from routine. Not only laborers, but also managers, executives, and creative professionals notice a surge in productivity after they take a vacation.

The best thing we can do is take a break. Get away for a while.

Everybody around the world ought to take a vacation together. That would not only reduce everybody's stress, it might solve all the world's problems.

Travel for health, for the health of your family, and for the good of your country and the world.

DID I NEED A REASON? Besides, it's the emotionally intelligent thing to do.

Thanksgiving Day Etiquette

THANKSGIVING DAY ETIQUETTE
(I'm repeating here one of my most requested articles. Yes. Emotional intelligence is about etiquette.

The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they?

More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat with our fingers, so perhaps you need a brush-up on the basics of formal - shall we say "civilized" dining - before the great Thanksgiving feast.

Rules of civilized dining evolved because, according to Margaret Visser ("Rituals of Dinner"), "animals are slaughtered and consumed, the guest-host relationship is ... a complicated interweaving of the imposition of obligation and the suspension of hostility, and the ordinary table knife is related to actual weapons of war."

Utensils were to be handled delicately, so as not to alarm. For instance, the knife was not to be held in the fist, like a weapon, nor pointed threateningly at anyone, and conversation was to be gentle, not provocative.

Now for a review of the basics on how to be the consummate Thanksgiving guest.

1. Respect time.

Arrive on time with a smile on your face and plan to have a good time. Leave on time. If it hasn't been stated, you will have to use your EQ--your intuition. Watch the host.hostess for subtle cues - the more formal the occasion, the more subtle the cues, i.e., changing position in his chair, sighing, and talking about "what a big day we have tomorrow." As you say you must leave, expect protesting, and expect to leave anyway. It's a "formality."

As our visits in the homes of others become more rare, the #1 complaint of hostesses seems to be that the guests won't go home. One woman told me her guests arrived at noon and had to be jettisoned, finally, at 10 p.m. That's not a get-together, that's an ordeal.

2. Wear your uniform. Do your job.

Yes, as the guest you have responsibilities. Dress appropriately and festively, and prepare to make it a happy occasion. Note "make." It doesn't just happen; those in attendance must make it happen. Eat, drink and behave in moderation - and be merry. Leave your problems behind for the day. Focus on what it is -- a day of GRATITUDE.

3. When summoned, obey the summons.

As a long-time PR person, you can't imagine how we appreciate the "leader type" who, when we say, "It's time to take you seats," heads for the dining room and beckons her friends to come along; and when the hostess says, "Shall we retire to the living room for coffee," does the same.

4. Observe protocol.

Age before rank. "Special" people would be the great-grandmother, then if you've invited your boss, or there's a guest of honor. The most special person "sitteth on the right hand" of the host and hostess, who are seated at opposite ends of the table. If there are not place cards, it's appropriate to ask, "Where would you like us to sit?"

5. Once seated, stay awake!

Look to your hostess to lead. At this meal even the most unsuspecting people will say a grace, for instance. The hostess will indicate when to start passing things, and when she starts to eat, you may eat. Facilitate the meal for others - start passing the shared items, the salt and pepper (both go together), the butter, the cranberry sauce, and the gravy.

6. The passing of things.

If your plates are served, then when someone asks for the salt, pick up both the salt and pepper and place them down beside the person next to you. They are not passed hand-to-hand, and only the requesting party may use them. Inefficient? Manners are not about efficiency.

7. Make conversation.

It's an active thing! At a smaller seating, there may be one general conversation; in a larger group, talk with the people across from you and on either side of you. If you're conversation-challenged, work with your coach and come up with a list of conversation-starters, i.e., Did you see that great special on PBS last night? What are your plans for Christmas this year? How was the traffic at the airport? What football team are you rooting for? Start training your children young. Help them come up with a list of things to talk about. They'll love it and feel included.

Your hostess will appreciate if you keep the conversation going, spend some time with the shy people or the octogenarian, and help with awkward silences. At formal dinners, businesses lunches and other dining occasions traditionally when the food is served, everyone starts eating and there's a silence. Someone needs to "break the ice." Plan for this and be prepared with a confident and cheery, "It sure gets quiet when the food comes," or "Marcella, where did you find fresh arugula this time of year?"

8. What about all those utensils and glasses?

The general rule is work from the outside in. Go here to review: http://www.cuisinenet.com/digest/custom/etiquette/manners_intro.shtml

9. Beginnings and endings.

The napkin. When you're seated, place your napkin in your lap. When you're finished, place your utensils on your plate; don't push it away. Place your napkin loosely to the side of your plate.

10. Odds 'n' Ends

Sit upward in your chair; don't lean back. Don't rest your elbows on the table. It's permissible to lean forward slightly and rest part of your upper arm on the table. If you take medication, do it discretely and neither mention it nor notice it in others. Something in your mouth you don't want? The way in is the way out. Spit the olive pit into your palm and place it on your plate. Deposit the turkey bone back on the fork and place in on your plate.

What can you eat with your fingers? Artichokes, plain asparagus, bacon, bread, cookies, corn on the cob, chips, French Fries, hors' d'oeuvres, sandwiches, small fruits, berries, and cubed cheese. When in doubt, wait and see what your hostess does.

And ... while it's important children learn etiquette, it's also important they enjoy themselves. The gravy will come out of the shirt when you wash it - or plan clothes where it doesn't matter so much.

P.S. Be sure and thank the host and hostess when you leave! It's hard work.

Want a quick review? Call or email me with questions and mini-session. sdunn@susandunn.cc, 817-741-7223.

The Presidency and Emotional Intelligence

Is the emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) of the president important? This is an important question to consider as the election approaches.

From the Cherry Hill Courier Post:

It seems to me that this election has caused several political divides that have changed into a consensus due to recent events. The issue is the fact that the public more than ever is not just looking for leadership in a broad sense, they are looking into the emotional intelligence of a leader. Will this new president provide a stable administration based as much on common sense as well as real knowledge about broad-based issues affecting our economy and our place in the world? This seems to be an awesome task for our candidates to live up to, so this has changed much of the criteria for the job. Moreover, since our country has had an economic disaster within a short period of time, people are looking to a visionary leader who can solve the problems in the here and now, as well as for future generations. Some people are realizing the presidency needs to be filled by someone who is more of a strategist than a politician.

From Community editorial board members on America's political divide. To read the whole article, go here.

Email me for programs, coaching and Internet courses on emotional intelligence (EQ).

Use Emotional Intelligence to Win in the Stock Market

USE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO WIN IN THE STOCK MARKET

Emotional Intelligence helps you play the stock market and win.

From Business Day -- "Street Dogs: The winning traits of market wizards" -- to read the whole article go here: Business Day - News Worth Knowing

Fenton-O’Creevy, who studied 118 professional traders for several European investment banks, found that successful traders tend to be emotionally stable introverts who are open to new experiences.

Trading coach Brett Steenbarger says his study of 64 traders demonstrates ... “one important lesson: success in trading is related to the ability to stay consistent and plan-driven."

Consultants at Market Psychology Consulting, a US firm that coaches market traders, found that the following characteristics produce superior results:

n Low emotional reactivity: Emotional stability is considered crucial, especially during periods of market turbulence. In one study [they] measured traders’ heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance while trading and found that more experienced traders had less physiological reactivity to information surprises.

n Low illusion of control and a belief in the occurrence of chance events.

n Low overconfidence: Referring to a misappraisal of one’s foresight, talent, and abilities as being better than they really are.

n High Self-discipline: As it relates to how we manage our impulses. Self-disciplined people are better able to control and channel their impulses towards goals.

n Self-awareness: In the sense of an enhanced consciousness of one’s own physical and emotional state. Additionally, self-aware individuals often have logical reasoning behind their choices and behaviour. Self-awareness is also one of the key traits of individuals who have high emotional intelligence.

If you would like to increase your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, and WIN, email me for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc. Take THE EQ COURSE for better emotional intelligence, stability and self-awareness.

10 Important Safety Tips for Halloween

HALLOWEEN SAFETY ALERT from the EQ Coach: Four times more children are killed in pedestrian/automobile accidents on Halloween night than on any other night of the year.

10 Important Safety Tips for Halloween
by Susan Dunn, MA, Professional Coach

Halloween is an exciting night for children and a
busy time for their parents. With such
excitement, it's easy for children to forget
basic safety rules.

When emotions are running high, it's a good time
to remember to "use your head." Plan ahead and
plan to have a safe Halloween. Raise safety
awareness with your family before the festivities
begin. We do the right thing, but we don't always
explain it to children. As you place a saucer
under each tea light, or "stop, look and listen"
at street corners and in parking lots, tell your
child why. They don't always connect the dots
unless you point it out.

HERE ARE SOME HALLOWEEN
SAFETY TIPS TO KEEP IN MIND:

1. Stay sober and alert

It's amazing how many family Halloween
celebrations involve adults drinking. It's
impossible to monitor children's safety or your
own when you've had too much to drink, so don't.

2. Avoid cuts and burns when decorating

Carving the pumpkin, placing luminaria in the
driveway, and hanging spooky skeletons all
present opportunities for injury. If you're
decorating with candles, observe fires safety.
Have a good fire extinguisher handy and make sure
everyone knows where it is.

3. Observe ladder safety regulations

According to the NASD, accidents involving
ladders cause an estimated 300 death a year in
the US, and 130,000 injuries requiring medical
attention. Go here to read about how to use a
ladder properly.

4. Make sure "treats" aren't "tricks"

Many people these days choose to go to fairs or
private parties instead of trick or treating for
safety reasons. If your child is going trick or
treating, go with them. Make it a rule that
nothing is to be eaten until it's first been
inspected by you.

5. Caution your child about strangers and dogs

Keep your children with you and remind them to
avoid people and dogs they don't know. Many
people are taking their dog companions out in
costume these days, and even the most gentle of
family pets can do something unexpected with all
the excitement.

6. Accidental falls is the number one cause of
injuries on Halloween night (National Safety
Council).

Choose your child's costume with this in mind.
Hem up the hemlines. If you choose a mask, choose
one that doesn't obstruct sight. Stay sober and
observe safety rules when decorating.

7. Four times more children are killed in
pedestrian/automobile accidents on Halloween
night than on any other night of the year.

The CDC suggests these factors make it a high
risk: short stature, inability to react quickly
enough to avoid a car or evaluate a potential
traffic threat, lack of impulse control, and all
the exciting distractions.

8. The holiday syndrome

The excitement, more candy, more parties, less
sleep, less nutritious food, and getting off
schedule all mean less attentiveness and also
possibly illness. Keep routines as normal as you
can. Add to the above, a visit from Granny who
has heart pills in her purse, and you have the
recipe for a tragedy. Pay attention!


9. Choose safe and sensible costumes

Choose fire retardant costumes that allow
children free movement and good visibility. Be
careful about accessories. Even toy knives and
swords can cause harm. Give each child a
flashlight.


10. Set a good example

Show that you care about safety and make it a top
priority.



(c)Susan Dunn, www.susandunn.cc,
mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Susan is the author of "Developing
Your Child's EQ" and other ebooks, available at
www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html.
She offers individual coaching, Internet courses,
and seminars for your personal and professional
development. She trains and certifies coaches
(no residency requirement). Email for information.

The stock market and the media

Picking up the paper at the corner store this morning, a man and I stared at the sensationalistic headlines again.

I said, "I wish they wouldn't report it this way."

He said, "Perception."

On that note, watch your emotional reaction to the falling stock market and economic crisis. Notice what pulls it. Notice how you react and manage it.

If you want to learn more about your emotional intelligence, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

"...the common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect."----Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc


"One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques--especially to mosques."-----Mark Twain

Coaching - it isn't just for professional athletes any more

More and more people are adding coaching to their life.

If you'd like to become a certified life coach, contact me and let me tell you about the different options I offer. I have trained and certified coaches all over the world and also offer intensive seminars in the Dallas area. Core material is on the Internet, and is self-paced. Various payment plans are available.