11 things Not to Do on Your New Job

We are intensely territorial at heart. Our reptilian brains are keyed to be suspicious of "intruders," and to fear what we don't know. Your first few days in a new job, you're being scrutinized under a microscope and are only tentatively welcome. Use your Emotional Intelligence to survive the first 100 hours! Here are 11 things NOT to do.

1. Don't FORGET PEOPLE'S NAMES.

If you do nothing else, remember people's names. When introduced, wait expectantly for a cue. If they stick out their hand, shake it. if they don't, just smile and say the usual.

2. Don't MOVE IN TOO FAST.

Take it easy bringing your "things" to the office. Save the photos and personal items for a while. Place your yogurt discretely at the back of the refrigerator. Don't grab any old cup from the coffee room, or start making the coffee until you see how it's done. It's a reptilian, territorial thing. You're moving into THEIR turf.

3. Don't TALK TOO MUCH, REVEAL TOO MUCH, OR EXPRESS UNNECESSARY FEELINGS OR OPINIONS.

Keep your conversation light, neutral, and just enough to be friendly. Sure as you get loose, you'll step on someone's toes. You don't know yet who just got divorced, who's married to an Italian, and who's opposed to daycare. As soon as you say, "Well personally I hate..." the next person who comes in will have that, do that, like that, or live there.

Use "neutral" language and tone of voice, like the anchor people do. Avoid any slang or colloquialisms in this new country. The King's English: what you learned in school.

4. Don't ASSUME ANYTHING.

Maybe everyone leaves at 5:31 on the dot; maybe they don't. Keep a low profile and pay attention to what others are doing. You're moving into an established culture and they have a set way of doings things whether they're mindful of it or not. You want to fit in, not stand out. Remember the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

5. Don't OVERDO IT. THAT THREATENS PEOPLE.

Save the designer stuff and status symbols. Appearing "better than," in any way, will backfire on you later. If you drive a brand new expensive something or other, park at the back of the lot, and don't advertise it. If you just got back from a barefoot cruise, or just bought a new home, save it for later. You don't know the circumstances of those around you. The person you're telling may have just filed bankruptcy.

And speaking of parking ... one first day on a job, with uncanny bad form, I actually managed to park in the boss' unmarked, but definitely claimed, parking place. "How lucky," I thought. "I can park right in front of the door."

6. Don't VOLUNTEER.

They don't trust you yet. "Get" that. Don't volunteer to make the coffee or make the nightly run to FedEx. You could poison them. You might never make it to the FedEx office. (I am not kidding.)

7. Don't MAKE IT TOO HARD, OR TOO EASY.

Pace your initial tasks. If you start out blazing, you'll be held to that pace forever, or you may threaten others who do what you do. If you go too slow, you might not be there long. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

8. Don't SAY 'NO'.

If you're asked to join them for lunch, pitch in for a baby shower gift, "grab the phone," or do a task for someone, say "yes." If something goes against the grain (and there's always one person in an office who tries to make life hell for the new guy it seems), file it for later. First you need to find out how disputes are handled.

The good manager, the one with the high EQ who knows people, and knows HER people, will tell you, "If so-and-so gives you any trouble, just be nice. Then come tell me and I'll take care of it." The inept manager won't know, or isn't willing to deal with it, and you'll have to figure it out for yourself. How do you do this? By having your antennae out. Observe and process.

EXCEPTION: Occasionally in an office you're ignored for the first few weeks, except by the loser, who will ask you to join him or her for lunch, trying to build an alliance. In that case, you come up with an excuse ("Sorry, gotta run to the bank at noon.")

9. Don't CRITIQUE, CRITICIZE, or APPEAR TO BE COMPLAINING.

You'll notice things that could be done differently and better, but if you speak at this point it will sound like complaining or criticizing. If it's too hot or too cold, for instance, wait it out. The "new kid on the block" isn't entitled to anything. You can straighten the place out later.

10. Don't VIOLATE PACK BEHAVIOR.

You watch the Discovery Channel, don’t you? Well, picture the troop of monkeys, i.e., if you’re not the alpha male, you’re just one of the pack, so start grinning and grooming the others.

11. Don’t UNDERESTIMATE THE EFFECT OF INITIAL CONDITIONS.

In physics it’s called “sensitive initial conditions." It means the way “it" (any system) begins makes a huge and permanent difference. Think of what you say and do as being broadcast with a loudspeaker into a cavern which will reverberate and echo for months. There’s not such thing as an “innocent comment" when you’re new, and if you show up in a bright print dress when everyone else is in neutral and pants, you’ll reinvent the term “sticking out like a sore thumb."
The onus (hard work) is on you. They will be ADJUSTING to you. You must ADAPT to them (a far stronger concept). When in doubt, get coaching! You want to get off to a good start.

A Gallimaufry for You Today

A gallimaufry for you today, of some new things I learned.

First, the word gallimaufry (gal-uh-MAW-free). Defined on m-w simply as a hodgepodge. But others add that it originally meant "a hash of various kinds of meats." From the French galimafrée (for stew). In Old French "galer" meant to rejoice or to make merry, like, doh, a GALA. In Old Englsih gala + mafrer = to eat much. And from Medieval Dutch maffelen "to open one's mouth wide."

Second, my friend told me they had spent Thanksgiving at Marfa, Texas, staying at the hotel where the stars stayed when filming GIANT (Rock Hudson, James Dean, Elizabeth Taylor)but they didn't get to see the Marfa Lights. Something else to put on my "to do" list one day. Go see the Marfa Lights.

Third, I took the "what's your accent quiz" (Facebook) and found out that my accent resembles those in Western New England, New York and the Great Lakes. Isn't that interesting!! In my youth I lived in Chicago, Boston and New York. Quite an accurate little quiz, with just a few questions.

The StrengthsProfile is just that accurate. Have you taken it? If you want to know what your TRUE, INNATE "strengths" are, email me for the resource. This is not "good at writing" sort of stuff, it tests for things like Command (people who are naturally perceived to be leaders, that others look to to lead them), and WOO (for "winning other over") - those people who can effortlessly sell ice to an eskimo.

If you're stumbling around about a career or job right now, it's spot-on. Likewise for relationships. I've used this profile with many couples and it helps them understand one another better and how to work with the strenths for win-win outcomes.

OK, that's enough gallimaufry for now!


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Beyond Money

From the email bag: How To Find Your Way Back Home the name of the article. It went on to talk about how we live in a world that often focuses on the importance of making money.

In fact, I was interviewed recently on Life Lessons from Movies' radio show about the movie, "Friends with Money," and they kept asking me questions about how to make more money in the world!! For many people, it has become their obsession... But for many of us, as well, we have a stronger inner need, a desire for meaning and purpose in our lives beyond the material.

I was heartened the other day to run into a young woman. She works as a waitress at an upscale retirement home. I asked her how the job was going and what she does, and she told me:

I listen to the old men talk about World War II. I love it. This is the most meaningful job I have ever had.

Want to explore "beyond money?" I coach lots of people in transition - from this to that. Get in touch with me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Handle a Coworker Who is Sabotaging You

From "Handle a Sabotaging Coworker," by Beverly West, Career Advice on Monster.
To read the full article, go here.

Look at the toss between emotions and logic (thinking) in the recommendations.

It is wise to have some good measures in place to protect yourself if you ever fall under a colleague's attack....Always have backup for everything you've done ... (THINK AHEAD)

Rise Above the Drama of Coworker Sabotage
If you can, don't let your coworker's anger or frustration get to you.... "My first instincts are to resort to a voodoo doll, a stapler or a tube of Super Glue, but I fight those urges and try to remain calm and peaceful," says Richard Ogawa.....

"I just avoid the situation," he says. "I don't give the person the time of day. I don't get upset.

Try to find the humor, if any, in the situation.

There are times, though, when avoidance and humor won't work, and you have no choice but to address the situation. "If it comes down to having to confront the coworker, try and approach the situation with logic, not emotion...."

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Be Friendly at Work - not Friends?

Great article on RevolutionHealth about Knowing Your Boundaries at Work.

Excerpts ...

Understanding co-workers' skills can be powerful — knowing their scuttlebutt can be problematic.

"Your ability to carry a conversation is crucial in building
relationships with fellow employees, but boundaries must exist," says Susan Morem, a Minneapolis-based business consultant...The border separating professional and personal relationships isn't easy to patrol, especially at smaller, informal offices ... [b]ut conversational boundaries help to determine the reputation of an employee and staff. Simply put, boundaries preserve integrity."

Beware of feeling informal ... "There's generally no clear rule
about where to draw the line, so a good rule of thumb is to avoid issues that might make someone uncomfortable."

"Refrain from gossip," Morem advises. "Remember: Those who talk to you about others will also talk about you to others."

Morem says most gossip and other inappropriate conversations occur in places that feel informal, such as elevators, hallways and bathrooms. But co-workers should never get the false sense of security that they're off duty in these locations.

"It's better to pretend your personal microphone is always on. Don't
say something if you don't want it heard or repeated."

While it's natural for employees to show interest in one another's
lives, someone has to be courageous enough to cut off a co-worker when warranted.

Just as informal places can get co-workers into trouble, so can seemingly informal methods of communication. {Like email)

Forge office friendships with care "Make sure you know and completely trust this kind of co-worker friend."

Expect boundary differences

Because those differences are widespread and co-workers' boundaries are subjective, office humor is risky.

If a co-worker says something that offends or upsets you, try to respond instead of react. "Reaction is immediate and emotional. When we react to something, we are more likely to say or do things we might later regret," Morem says. "A response is planned and controlled, and it leads to fewer communication issues."

THIS IS ALL ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. See yourself headed for troubles? Constantly having the same problems? Get a crash course from me on the landmines. One-time and long-term coaching consultation.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Take The Difficult People Course - it helps! Email for information.

Go HERE to read the full article.

The Boss' Mood Affects Productivity

New Vision Online : How a boss’ mood affects productivity

It doesn't take an "expert" to tell us that some bosses are wonderful to work for and therefore get the best out of us, and also have high retention rates of excellent employees ... while others are not. The emotional intelligence of the boss is critical. If you'd like to increase yours, take THE EQ COURSE . Sign up everyone in the office -- it really works!

I was at a workplace the other day that had had nearly 100% turnover in the past 18 months. One of the workers there told me, "How can you work in a place that makes you feel this way about yourself? I'm good at what I do. One week at this place and I felt like a loser. That's never happened before."

If vested self-interest is the only thing that works, this boss puts himself in the position of having to interview, hire, and then train, continually. He is constantly having to work with someone new, which adds to his frustration. Who needs that? It is annoying, costly, and highly ineffective. It is hard to get good systems in place when the faces keep changing.

From the article (and BTW, it's from Uganda - if you think emotional intelligence isn't sweeping the world and giving us a common language for dealing with problems):

A BOSS’ mood and behaviour drive the moods and behaviour of everyone else. The environment an inspirational boss creates is different from the one a cranky and insensitive one would. High levels of emotional intelligence promote information-sharing, trust, healthy risk-taking and learning flourish. Low levels create fear and anxiety.

According to experts, the most effective leaders display moods and behaviour that match the situation at hand, with a healthy dose of optimism. They respect how other people feel. This behaviour, which in management parlance is called resonance, has four components of emotional intelligence in action.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for personal coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks to improve the quality of your life, success and happiness. Visit http://www.susandunn.cc/ for ideas! Emotional Intelligence really works.

IT Strategy at Genentech Includes Emotional Intelligence

Model IT Department at Genentech Focuses on Using Emotional Intelligence
According to the ITStrategy Blog, Genetech, a San Francisco based biotech firm has a model IT department: "Todd Pierce who is the VP of Corporate IT of Genentech is instrumental in changing the way the IT department functions. I think, they have a model that every company’s IT department should study and try to emulate." It includes building emotional intelligence into the model.

From the article:

With no incentives to focus on customer needs, most of the time the IT department is not in alignment with the business needs of the organization. To focus on the needs of the customers, Genentech’s IT department is training its IT workers with ‘soft skills’ like emotional intelligence. They have identified their core competence and differentiation which Mr. Pierce calls ‘empathy-driven’. By aligning their IT department with the core competencies and their corporate culture, IT department is going to play an important role in Genentech’s Business Strategy.

To read the rest of the article go here: IT Strategy

Get Emotional Intelligence on your resume. Take THE EQ COURSE . Individual coaching and business programs also available. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Employee Loyalty: It's all about Emotional Intelligence

You know your employees' points of pain and you know what makes them happy ... begins this article by a true visionary. "If you use this information to meet the special needs of your employees," Ty Freyvogel says, "and even surprise them with a few extra perks, you will be able to build strong relationships with them -- and they, in turn, will be willing to go the extra mile for you."

What's the #1 thing employees want? All studies say "acknowledgement and appreciation."

This article "Operation Employee Loyalty: 12 Ways Small Business Owners Can Ensure Their Best Employees Never Want to Leave" is so full of emotional intelligence.

Here are a few of Freyvogel's gems:

Every entrepreneur knows the hectic lifestyle that comes along with starting and running a company. (Heck, most of us live for the craziness!) But have you ever considered how this work schedule affects your employees?

If too many such days come and go without any acknowledgement from you, you can bet they’ll be handing out their resumes all over town. And since your employees make or break your business, you must keep your best ones around.

Small business owners may feel that they are at a disadvantage compared to CEOs of large corporations precisely because of the lack of deep pockets. Nothing is further from the truth. Because they work so closely with their employees, rather than being separated by layers of bureaucracy, it is easy for them to get to know their employees well.

Provide them with much-deserved time off.

Another option is to set up a compressed work week for your staff so that they get time off at the end of the week.

Give them bonuses at critical times. Presumably, you work closely with your employees and know a lot about their lives outside of the work. Act on this knowledge in ways that benefit them exactly when they need it most. If one of your employees has a new baby or a sick spouse or child, a bonus will help ease the financial burden during these times. She will appreciate your concern for her and her family’s well being.

Constantly recognize a job well done. Everyone likes to be told they've done a good job on something.

Read the full article here: Operation Employee Loyalty: Twelve Ways Small Business Owners Can Ensure Their Best Employees Never Want To Leave CustomerThink

Learn more about emotional intelligence with The EQ Course.

Examining the alpha male at work

Examining the alpha male at work - CNN.com

As an early-adopter of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) I was thrilled to see this article. I, too, have studied the alpha male - - from the vantage point of EQ v. IQ.

Each of the 4 types of alpha males (commander, visionary, strategist, and executor) has its downside, says this article on cnn.com's CareerBuilder, and, most interestingly, the climate is changing -- the alpha males may go the way of the dinosaurs as the influence of more women in the workforce has brought in emotional intelligence and affilitiave, collaborative behavior. Or is it the influence of more EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE in the workplace.

The great divide began when we had to leave Freud and Freudian psychology behind ... the drives - - sex and aggression - - well there's a lot more driving people today, like wanting to enjoy life, find meaning in their work, balance in their lives, and room for the emotional factor. Most important decisions must be made by other than strictly rational, logical means, after all. If you could choose the best stock rationally, all us investors would be millionaires - there are charts, after all. And if you could choose the best candidate for a job by their resume alone, it wouldn't be the miasma that it is, would it? No, it takes intuition, gut feeling, creativity, flexibility, and a host of other EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE competencies.

EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is now looked for as well as IQ in management, leadership and the workplace. In fact it's slowly being demanded in the workplace. If the average job in the US now is 18 months, one of the reasons people leave is because of abusive management. We cannot do our best work in an atmosphere of nit-picking, or where we're ignored, or devalued in comparison to data, for instance. And your EQ will tell you that most of us truly want to succeed, grow, learn, help others in the workplace to do the same, and to be appreciated. Not all the time, but just enough.

Take for instance the alpha male called The Executor. Probably my least favorite to work for because (to me) the Visionary is inspiring; strategists' minds are so fascinating and in my world they generally find a way to avoid much contact with people; and commanders are energizing. I worked for all of these types in my day (and that's why I'm not self-employed!)

Executors, however, are micro-managers who cramp your style, eschew anything creative or "outside the box," and never give priase, but rather pick, pick and pick, and most importantly, must assign blame. I've seen then stop the whole parade for as long as an hour or more, to get out their miocroscope and investigate a rather inconsequential incident. When I'm around one, I always want to shout, "Stop! Just fix it! Let your people free!"

So many things in the workplace today, particularly because it IS more collaborative, are a failing of systems or equipment, or simple one-time human error -- not something that can be fixed. And it takes a real micro-manager to stop the flow of a project, particularly under pressure of a deadline, to fly-speck and see "whose fault it was."

How much better to say to the human who failed at that one point, "That's not like you!" than to harp on the mistake. Someone who continually fails, sure, and particularly one who intentionally sabotages, but the average person having a bad moment or day ... well, it's NOT LIKE THEM, so move forward. Guilt, blame, tempers and anger accomplish th exact opposite of anyone's intent. And lets hope those few people, among them managers, who enjoy making other people miserable, are really on their last legs in the workplace.

Okay. Now I'm off my soap box. But I'm an emotional intelligence coach after all, and I KNOW that EQ matters more in managing people than IQ does. Perhaps the time has come to let the sheer intellect types work in isolation (which they generally prefer), and keep them away from management, which annoys both sides of the equation.

There should be ladders of promotion on two tracks - the people side, and the OTHER side.

The most heartening thing about the article is that emotional intellingence has become so well-known and valued.

We were an early-adopter and have helped so many people improve their lives, and the lives of those around them through emotional intelligence. It is truly the "common language," as I have trained and worked with people around the globe, who immediately catch on to the power of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is empowering. Get involved! See me for coaching, or to take the EQ course. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc