Kids, Summer, Heat - Combustible Combinations

TEENS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES? (What isn't getting on your nerves?)

In the northern hemisphere, oh, it's been summer for quite a while now. Kids home from school. Changes in routines. Heat. The promise of MORE heat. In Texas, a month of days over 100 degrees. Car trips with rest stops that are crowded and unplesant and there's too much junk food. Or not getting a vacation at all.

In most cases, we are spending more time with family -- kids home from school, relatives visiting, trips to see cousins, vacations -- and nerves are on edge.

It isn't called The Dog Days of Summer for nothing!!

Try using I-STATEMENTS.

People try and get us in to "control" battles about things we really can't. Try saying what YOU will do or allow, not trying to tell THEM what to do. It shares control and gives options. It 's enforceable, because it's about you. Here are some examples. Share yours!

My car leaves at 2 p.m.
I'll be happy to buy ice cream cones for people who clean up their rooms.
I have lunch with people who are pleasant.
I'll take you to the ___ when I don't have to worry about fighting in the back seat.
in the back seat.
I'll listen when your voice is as calm as mine is.
I keep the toys I have to pick up. You can keep the ones you pick up.
I'll enjoy buying you clothes that I feel are appropriate.
I'll be happy to listen to you as soon as Mom and I finish our conversation.

Give the other person a choice, using statements like the ones above.

Last point, and this is what's really tricky. These statements are not "natural." Usually we read about them, they become vogue. At first they're new, but then other people 'catch on.' The trick is to keep them fresh, and make sure your tone of voice doesn't become mocking or sarcastic.

Give them a real chance to work.

It's 105 Degrees in Dallas

IT'S HOT

It usually is hot in Texas in the summer!

I had a friend here this weekend from Mississippi. She kept commenting on how hot it was. Each time she mentioned it, I became aware that it was hot, and that I was hot.

Here in Dallas we don't comment on the heat in the summer. What's the use? It only makes us think about it.

And that's one way of coping!

Yes it is hot. It has been 105 recently. I don't know what it is today because I don't need to know, and it only makes it worse. It's a statement of a fact that it is hot. Beyond that, this is something we can do nothing about, that will be here for a while, it's expected, and talking about it only makes it worse.

We can seek temporary solutions to this "problem" - like cold drinks, cold showers, turning up the A/C, and staying inside. We can also occupy ourselves with things so we get our minds off of it. And that's kind of the key to things like this.

Complaining about something only makes it worse. It keeps it in the forefront, it magnifies its importance, and it keeps up, actually from taking action.

It also stresses the people around you. When someone says, "It's hot," I want to say, "Thank for reminding me."

With low EQ, you can move right on to "catastrophizing." This is:

• It's so hot I think I'm going to die.
• This is too hot. I can't stand it.
  
• I'm going to go out of my mind if it's this hot tomorrow.
• I'll never be able to sleep tonight. I've got a big meeting tomorrow, my hair will go limp, my makeup will run ... it's a nightmare.
  
• This is awful. I can't stand it. Why did I ever move here. I must've been out of mind. Stupid, yes, stupid. That's what I am. I never get it right.
  

If there's a problem there are always 3 ways to deal with it:

1. Change it
2. Leave
3. Change your attitude

If there's a solution to the problem, get right on it. That's the constructive, EQ thing to do. Either fix it, or get away from it. Failing that, change your attitude. Stressing over the stressor only compounds your own misery, and adds to the misery of those around you.

Remember - "5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours." If you'd like to work on how you handle your emotions, and what you allow them to do to you and your health, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-741-7223.