The Dating Coach

HEY PUNKIN'
Tired of getting beat up out there.

Finding your mate is the most important decision in life, and we can help you.

We specialize in DATING COACHING.

We have helped hundreds of people. We've designed a program that works.

There are certain rules you must follow, and certain things you must not do. If you're looking to marry the love of your life, don't wait another moment. Call us for coaching and get it right this time.

Fighting the right partner for you and getting them to marry you IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. We can show you how, coaching you every step of the way.

Let us help you find your own sweet punkin'.

Call 817-741-7223 or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc.

The Importance of Apologizing & How To Do It

THE IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGIZING
And -- more importantly -- HOW to do it

Do you know the two little words that can go a long way to saving your marriage and keeping it healthy and happy for years to come? Those words are: "I'm sorry."

I can't tell you how many couples I have seen that have a problem with apologizing. People often get so caught up in their own way of seeing things that they can't even muster an apology for simple offenses like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or forgetting to take out the garbage.

Unfortunately it seems that apologizing only becomes that much more difficult as problems get more sophisticated. A forgotten birthday or anniversary, hurtful words said in the heat of an argument, or a late night out with friends when you promised to be home for your family are all events that deserve a full and authentic apology. However, a lot of people react with defensiveness and anger instead of apologizing for situations like these.

I think that part of the reason people have such a hard time apologizing is because they equate the words "I'm sorry" with "I'm a rotten person" or"You're better than I am." But that isn't what the words "I'm sorry" mean at all. When you say "I'm sorry," what you are doing is taking responsibility for something you did that hurt your spouse. You're showing that you realize what you did was hurtful, and communicating to your spouse that you care about him or her enough to amend your actions so as not to cause the same problem again. You are not submitting to the idea that you are "less than. . .".

People make mistakes. We all do. Sometimes the need for an apology is the result of a mistake. Sometimes we even make mistakes that hurt the people around us. Other behaviors that need an apology might be the result of poor judgment. This is a situation where you intentionally (not by mistake) did something wrong because you made a bad choice. Examples includeextra-marital affections, staying out too late with your friends, coming home drunk, and driving yourself, your spouse, or your children when you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Often, these poor judgment calls like these hurt the people around us. When you do something that needs an apology, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a wretched person. Doing something wrong doesn't make you a wrong person. It only means you took some action that you have to make amends for.You did something wrong, and now you need to deal with it.

In addition to this it could mean that there are areas of your personality or character that you need to work on. Egregious mistakes (like having an affair) or mistakes that you make over an over again (like consistently forgetting important events) mean you need to take some additional steps to rectify the parts of your character that created the possibility for these mistakes in the first place. Even in these cases, it doesn't mean you are an "evil" person. Rather, it means there are some areas you will likely need to make real changes in if you are going to live the kind of life you most want to live, and create a wonderful relationship with your spouse. Whatever the case, when you hurt your spouse, the very first thing you need to do is admit that you did something wrong and apologize for it.

Different situations require different kinds of apologies. Obviously, having an affair deserves a different kind of apology than leaving the cap off the toothpaste. As such, I can't cover in this article all of the details of how to apologize for every offense. Nonetheless, I would like to offer you a few suggestions on how to apologize for relatively minor offenses so you can start using apologies in your marriage today to show your spouse you care and stay out of some unnecessary arguments. For a fuller treatment of what kind of apology is needed when you have had an affair (or engaged in other extremely hurtful behavior) I refer you to my book Surviving an Affair. In the meantime, here are tips that will help you start apologizing for some mistakes that most couples face.

Tip #1: Admit What You Did Was Wrong

When you do something wrong in your marriage and you know it, it's better to admit it, apologize, and move on. If you deny you did something wrong, act like you were justified in your actions, or otherwise defer responsibility forwhat you did, you are only setting yourself up for more trouble in the long run. Just make a simple admission of the being wrong. Don't defer responsibility, and don't defend your actions. Openly and maturely admit what you did was wrong. For example, let's say Joe forgot that his wife, Sally, said she was going to have dinner ready for him when he got home from work. As a result he decided to go out for a drink with some colleagues from work instead of going home for dinner. In this kind of situation Joe would want to avoid saying something like:You know, you didn't tell me you were going to cook me dinner. And even if you did, how can you expect me to remember anything you tell me when I'm on my way out the door? What's so special about dinner, anyway? It's just food. You're being too picky. Just leave me alone about it, already. It would be much more meaningful if he said something like: You're right. You asked me to be home for dinner and I totally forgot. I'm really sorry about that. I should have called home before I chose to go out for a drink anyway. That way you could have reminded me that we had dinner plans. I'm sorry I ruined your plans, and I'm sorry I hurt you .And, if Joe truly does not remember Sally telling him in the morning, he would just omit the first sentence. As you can see, the first response is filled with defensive justification It minimizes the importance of what Joe did and minimizes Sally's feelings.

Another variation would be for Joe to somehow make it Sally's fault that he forgot their dinner plans. On the other hand, the second response is a full admission that Jo edid something wrong. In it he admits what he did was wrong, he says he's sorry, and he expresses regret for hurting his spouse's feelings. When you admit that you have done something wrong, you are communicating important information to your spouse. You are telling your spouse that you care enough about his or her feelings to accept that what you did was hurtful, and you are telling him or her that you intend to be more conscious about these kinds of actions in the future.

In short, you show that you care about your spouse's feelings. That's an important component of a good marriage.

Tip #2: Drop the Defensiveness

Apologies are as good as dead if they are stated in a defensive manner. When you adopt a defensive tone of voice, use physical mannerisms that are defensive, or if the words you use are meant to defend your case rather than admit your mistake, you aren't making a real apology. In fact, using the words "I'm sorry" with a defensive tone of voice is worse than not apologizing at all. It turns the entire apology into an invitation for resentment and hurt feelings.

Consider the following example: What do you want from me? You want an apology? Fine, I'm sorry! Is that good enough for you? What kind of response would you expect from this kind of apology? It's pretty obvious that all it would do is create more hostility and frustration for everyone involved. A better apology would sound something more like this: I'm sorry for what I did. It was wrong, and I know that I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, and I truly feel bad for what I did. I know howI got myself into that situation and I will do my best to keep that from happening again. As you can see, eliminating the defensive tone goes a long way toward making the apology more sincere. It reduces the possibility for additional hurt feelings, and opens a gateway for you to move past this issue toward a happier future.

In most situations, an authentic and complete apology will also diffuse the other person's anger.

Tip #3: Don't Be Demeaning

When you are apologizing to your spouse you should avoid demeaning his or her feelings. It may be that you won't completely understand why your spouse is hurt; however, it isn't for you to decide whether or not your spouse's emotional response to your words or actions are justified. You don't get to determine whether or not your spouse "deserves" to be as hurt as he or she is. The hurt feelings exist. You helped create them. Now you have to deal with them.

Let's look at an example. Imagine for a moment that Carl and Allison are working on repairing some problems in their marriage. Part of the problem they are facing is that Carl has a hard time communicating his feelings to Allison. He's been doing a lot of work on his communication skills, but Allison still doesn't feel she understands Carl very well. At one point Allison says, "Carl, you just can't communicate at all! I mean, I don't understand what you're talking about here." Carl's feelings are really hurt by this statement. He's been working hard to learn how to communicate better, and this statement from Allison totally blows him out of the water. As a result he says, "Wow Allison. That really hurts. I mean, I've been working on these communication skills, and when you tell me that, it makes me feel like I'm just making no progress at all."

Given this scenario, let's imagine two different "apologies" from Allison and determine which one is going to be more meaningful. First let's look at a demeaning apology. Let's imagine that Allisonsays something like:Good grief! You're completely overreacting. I mean, I can't believe you'd get upset over something like that. I'm sorry. I should never have said anything I guess. You don't know anything about feelings!

Now, I don't consider this an apology. Though the words"I'm sorry" are contained in the statement, the feeling is demeaning. It fails to take into account Carl's feelings. And perhaps worst of all, it's likely to simply shut down Carl's attempts at communication. On the other hand, Allison could say something like: Gee Carl, I'm really sorry my words hurt you. I don't completely understand why my words hurt you, but I believe you when you tell me they did. Please tell me more so I understand what I did so I won't do it again. This apology is completely different. It communicates Allison's inability to understand exactly why Carl is hurt, but it still takes his feelings into account. It isn't demeaning. On the contrary, it opens up the possibility for further communication about the issue at hand. Apologizing when you've done something wrong is one of the keys to a long-term marriage. Just saying the words "I'm sorry" when you've done something to hurt your spouse is a step in the right direction, but it's usually not enough.

The tips in this article should help you take the apology a step further, and help you on your road to a relationship that is better than ever. Let me know how it goes with you. I'd love to hear about your marriage. Post a comment to this blog by clicking this link: http://savingyourrelationship.com/blog/the-importance-of-apologizing
As always I wish you all the best on your road to a wonderful marriage. Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D.

Manage Your Immune System for Better Health with EQ

IMMUNE SYSTEM MANAGEMENT

Your immune system is your health, and it is greatly influenced by the state of your emotional intelligence.

Watch this video from HealthWatch on stress management.

Then sign up for The EQ Course(tm) and get started today on a healthier lifestyle.

Take the Jack-O-Lantern Face Quiz

discover your jack-o-lantern face @ quiz me200,000+ people have taken the quiz so farand about half have gotten Insanemwa-ha-ha

The Top 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS?

In The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived: How Characters of Fiction, Myth, Legends, Television, and Movies Have Shaped Our Society, Changed Our Behavior, and Set the Course of History , by Dan Karlan (55, computer program/tech writer), Allan Lazar (75 y.o. retired physician), and Jeremy Salter, the authors take their stand.

Would you agree with, for instance, Siegfried at #7, or GI Joe at #51?

Garnered from various other websites, I have discivered:

8-Sherlock Holmes
18-Mickey Mouse
26-Cinderella
55-The Ugly Duckling
57-Atticus Finch
58-Saint Valentine
67-Kermit the Drog
and
85-Luke Skywalker

And the top 5? An interesting selection. What do you think?

5-Hamlet
4-Santa Claus
3-King Arthur
2-Big Brother
1-The Marlboro Man - whom they call "the most famous killer of the last 200 years"

P.S. Santa Claus does exist. :-)

Click HERE to purchase book. Go here (http://www.101influential.com/) to comment.

The book intrigued me as an EQ coach. These characters never existed, yet influence us greatly. What does that remind you of??

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or call 817.741.7223.

Go HERE to take The EQ Course.

Halloween Safety Tips

HALLOWEEN SAFETY TIPS
Parents, Use Your EQ!


Halloween is an exciting night for children and a busy time for their parents. With such excitement, it’s easy for children to forget basic safety rules.

When emotions are running high, it’s a good time to remember to “use your head.” Plan ahead and plan to have a safe Halloween. Raise safety awareness with your family before the festivities begin. We do the right thing, but we don’t always explain it to children. As you place a saucer under each tea light, or “stop, look and listen” at street corners and in parking lots, tell your child why. They don’t always connect the dots unless you point it out.

Here are some Halloween Safety Tips to keep in mind:

1. Stay sober and alert.

It’s amazing how many family Halloween celebrations involve adults drinking. It’s impossible to monitor children’s safety or your own when you’ve had too much to drink, so don’t.

2. Avoid cuts and burns when decorating.

Carving the pumpkin, placing luminaria in the driveway, and hanging spooky skeletons all present opportunities for injury. If you’re decorating with candles, observe fires safety. Have a good fire extinguisher handy and make sure everyone knows where it is.

3. Observe ladder safety regulations.

According to the NASD, accidents involving ladders cause an estimated 300 death a year in the US, and 130,000 injuries requiring medical attention. Go here to read about how to use a ladder properly.

4. Make sure “treats” aren’t “tricks.”

Many people these days choose to go to fairs or private parties instead of trick or treating for safety reasons. If your child is going trick or treating, go with them. Make it a rule that nothing is to be eaten until it’s first been inspected by you.

5. Caution your child about strangers and dogs.

Keep your children with you and remind them to avoid people and dogs they don’t know. Many people are taking their dog companions out in costume these days, and even the most gentle of family pets can do something unexpected with all the excitement.

6. Accidental falls is the number one cause of injuries on Halloween night (National Safety Council).

Choose your child’s costume with this in mind. Hem up the hemlines. If you choose a mask, choose one that doesn’t obstruct sight. Stay sober and observe safety rules when decorating.

7. Four times more children are killed in pedestrian/automobile accidents on Halloween night than on any other night of the year.

The CDC suggests these factors make it a high risk: short stature, inability to react quickly enough to avoid a car or evaluate a potential traffic threat, lack of impulse control, and all the exciting distractions.

8. The holiday syndrome.

The excitement, more candy, more parties, less sleep, less nutritious food, and getting off schedule all mean less attentiveness and also possibly illness. Keep routines as normal as you can. All of the above, plus Granny in town for a visit with sodium nitrate in her purse and you have the recipe for tragedy. Heads up!

9. Choose safe and sensible costumes.

Choose fire retardant costumes that allow children free movement and good visibility. Be careful about accessories. Even toy knives and swords can cause harm. Give each child a flashlight.

10. Set a good example.

Show that you care about safety and make it a top priority.
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Susan has a new phone number, 817.741.7223. Call her for a FREE introductory coaching session. Visit her online ebook library for inspiratoin: www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html.

_____
Is your job no longer a treat? The trick is to get coaching from Susan. The happiness you save may be your own. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc to schedule a time to talk.

DO IT NOW, while it's on your mind.

Living with EQ Every Day - Your Immune System Needs It!

(If Arbonne site isn't working, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I'll order it for you.)

“The Top 10 Ways to Boost Your Immune System,”

1. UNDERSTAND THE SCIENCE THAT MAKES IT CRUCIAL THAT YOU BOLSTER YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM

Your immune system IS your health. Your immune system is the first line of defense against bacteria and fungi, and it is your ONLY defense against viruses. Antibiotics do not kill viruses, and today, some bacteria are becoming highly resistant to antibiotics as well. When pharmaceuticals can't help, defending your body against disease is left up to your immune system.

2. YOUR EMOTIONS ARE IN EVERY CELL OF YOUR BODY AND AFFECT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM, THEREFORE YOUR HEALTH.

Learn Emotional Intelligence (EQ) from a certified coach. It can save your life. Books such as "Anger Kills," by Redford Williams, and "The Pleasure Prescription," by Paul Pearsall, Ph.D. (psychoneuroimmunologist), should tip you off. Negative emotions cause wear and tear on your physiology, while positive emotions can bolster it. Learn how to control and manage your emotions, and your reaction to those of others.

3. TAKE AN IMMUNE SUSTEM NEUTRACEUTICAL.

One example is Arbonne's "Defense Builder." It is scientifically proven to bolster your immune system. Another good product is Arbonne's "Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement." Your immune system needs all the help you can give it so it can do its job--defend you against bacteria and fungi, and help you heal faster from illness and surgeries.

4. MAKE SURE YOUR COSMETICS, LOTIONS, SHAVING CREAM AND BABY PRODUCTS ARE MADE FROM PURE, NATURAL INGREDIENTS.

Many people fail to recognize that what you put on your skin is absorbed into your blood stream. The ingredients in many over-the-counter products will affect your allergies, your immune system and your health. Read more about this here: http://susandunn.myarbonne.com .

5. ANALYZE YOUR CURRENT DIET AND MAKE WHATEVER CHANGES ARE NECESSARY.

Eat an adequate amount of fresh fruits and vegetables, and decrease your intake of foods that are chemical- or hormone-laden; avoid processed foods; and eat at regular intervals. Plan vacations that allow you to eat well. For instance, most cruise ships offer low-fat options on the dining menu, as well as an entire buffet restaurant alternative that features a salad and fruit bar, low-fat desserts, turkey, and other healthy options most hours of the day and night.

6. ELIMINATE OBVIOUS HEALTH DESTROYERS such as alcohol, illegal drugs, excessive caffeine, and cigarettes.

7. EXERCISE.

Get yourself on a sensible exercise routine you can stick to.

Did you know that one of the best antidotes to depression is exercise? Anti-depressants work far better and much faster when you exercise. Becoming addicted to a brutal exercise regime is not the answer. In fact it can intensify stress hormones, weaken joints, tear muscles, and defeat your purposes. You want to win the war, not the battle. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Incorporate exercise into your daily life. For instance, I just moved to another town, and decided to do all the packing myself, for exercise purposes. It helped combat the natural stress hormones a move provokes, and, without changing my diet at all, I lost 7 lbs. and felt wonderful.

During your normal routine, you could take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk the dog more often, walk to the Stop'n'Go instead of driving (and don't buy junk while you're there!), and play active games with your kids. You can turn many things into exercise that were formerly sedentary, for instance one of my clients who has a secretary made the decision to quit sending the secretary to the file, mail and copy rooms, and to get up and do these things herself.

You can plan an active vacation, or make any vacation active. I am amused at people who consider cruises "sedentary." It isn't even possible. You must walk miles a day to get around; a large cruise ship is like a small town. I realized this when I broke my ankle one time on a cruise. If you take the stairs instead of the elevator to get places it works like the best of the stairmasters--on this last cruise, my stateroom was 5 floors down from the restaurant, and 7 down from the pool and I went up and down many times a day, as you can imagine, as well as from end-to-end of the ship (my favorite hot tub at one end, the ship store on the other). Most cruise ships have weight and exercise rooms, spas with yoga and Pilates, and they are adding things like rock climbing. You can also opt to participate in the active shore excursions.

7. ADD POSITIVE EMOTIONS AND EXPERIENCES TO YOUR LIFE.

Reward yourself all the time. I bet you don't do that nearly often enough! When I knew I was going to move, I scheduled a cruise for myself, and then backed the moving date right up to it. I worked hard, with good physical labor, controlled the worry/stress factor with EQ, and then rewarded myself immediately with what is a very relaxing 'vacation' to me.

Laugh--for no reason at all, except for your health.

Practice an "attitude of gratitude." We tend to dwell on the one bad thing that went wrong in a day. Instead find one thing that went well and dwell on that.

8. AVOID THE WHITE POISONS—WHITE SUGAR AND FLOUR.

9. ELIMINATE CAUSES OF STRESS WHERE YOU CAN, AND ADD RELAXERS AND SOURCES OF PLEASURE.

Make a list of what stresses you, from the biggest down to the smaller. Then take an honest look at what you could eliminate, and then start doing it. Lists and analysis are worthless unless you take action. Examine, preferably with a certified EQ Coach, the beliefs you hold that stress you, your degree of perfectionism, the negative and draining relationships in your life, and the demands of your personality style (introverts and stressed by what energizes extraverts, and vice versa). You will want to make some changes in these areas, and a certified EQ coach can help you. In fact, the title of my ebook on this subject was suggested by a client who wanted solutions to these problems. It is called, "Changing Beliefs, Self-Limiting Thoughts, and What to Accept." ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html ).

P.S. “Excitement” does not equal “pleasure”.

10. LEARN ABOUT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM AND WHAT SUPPORTS IT.

Every great plan starts with an educational phase. Your certified EQ coach can help you, and courses such as The EQ Foundation Course(tm) (http://www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm ), offered online with email and telephone support.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Founding Member of Coachville, Personal Life & EQ Coach trainer, www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc Susan coaches individuals, offers Internet programs, ebooks and teleclasses. She trains and certifies EQ, Personal Life, and Wellness Coaches in an innovative, fast, affordable program that is rated #1 on the Internet. Available globally, all long-distance, no residency requirement. Seminars offered in some cities and countries-email for info. Susan is an independent Arbonne consultant.

Using Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Every Day

EQ: HELPING YOU FIND THE MISSING PIECE TO THE PUZZLE
Call Susan for coaching @ 817.741.7223. Get started on a better life today.

Anger seems to be the most difficult so-called negative emotion for most of us to handle. Like all emotions, it gives us information. Unlike pleasure, it can also have negative effects on our health. Here's a guest article that has some good points to make:

How Anger Affects Your Body
by Carl Graeber

Anger affects our body in many ways. When we are angry we often feel stressful, betrayed, hurt, ourbody is tense and our stomach is in knots. When we feel this way, the world seems to tumble around us and our best friend has packed up and left us behind. The loneliness creeps in and often we feel that the whole world is an illusion and everyone is out of his or her minds.

There are times we want to run and hide and there are times we simply want to find the source that caused our hurt and beat them to a bloody pulp. We know we cannot do this since it is illegal and it does not help our problems. Rather when we blow up fusing our anger on someone else, we are only adding heartache to heartache. Sometimes we all fail to see that there is a solution to many problems, but when we use up our last resources and nothing is left then where do we turn? How do we find our way out?

If you are feeling like there is nothing left in the world for you and that, you have run out of answers to the many questions then you are not alone. One effective way to look at your situation is to know that someone else is suffering worse than you are. Forcing your mind to remain positive can help when times are tough to deal with. When you have been betrayed, robbed, manipulated, lied to, hurt and you feel that the person is getting away with something. Remember, the bad people always pay a higher price than what they induce on the victim. It may take some time, but you will see in the end that the bad person will pay a high price for his or her behavior. If you have been victimized rather than venting your anger in a negative light, trying using your intellect and resources to enforce that the source is paying for the crime committed against you...

If you are merely struggling from common problems then remember sufficient for each day and take it one day at a time. Try to find some humor in your situation. Laughter is always a source for relieving anger. When you feel your stomach knot, try to focus on something positive and go do your chores. Any time we burn energy, we are burning emotions that are the root of anger.

If you enjoy writing, sit down and write an article, book, story, or a simple journal. Write down your feelings, how you view the world, and the people in the world. Try to find a way to put some humor between the lines so that you can laugh when you look back at what you wrote.

If your body is tense go for a walk and try to admire the beautiful scenery that God provided us. Remember when you are walking that something good comes from bad. This may not make sense, but if you look back at your many problems and how you dealt with them, you will see a series of good fortunes that came your way.

We can all make more of a situation than what really exists and we all need to stay focused to survive the game of life.

If you feel that you are centered out for punishment, then think of the men in war, the children in abused homes, or the wives that are tortured by their own spouse. Now look at your situation again. Are you homeless? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food in your kitchen? Do you have your bills paid? If this is true then why are you mad?

Any time we are angered, our body is affected and this causes harm to our health. Is anything worth destroying yourself-being, including your body and mind?

Is anything worth loosing your respect?

If you are angry, think before you act, because impulsive behavior leads to problems that are more complicated. When you feel like the world is tumbling down, pick up your torture stake and walk another mile. We all deal with rejections as it is a part of life, but anger does not have to explode when rejections are have occurred

Byline: Be the ideal person you’ve always dreamed of becoming! Learn how to acquire any trait (happiness, patience, courage, focus) you desire to possess, attain good health and prosperity, and be in total command of your life at the authors website at: http://www.command-and-master-emotions.com.
________________
When you make a foolish response to anger, you add one problem to the problem you already had. Learn more about managing emotions more effectively with Emotional Intelligence. Call me at my new number in Dallas -- 817.741.7223, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and lets get started today on a new tomorrow. Anger doesn't have to rule your life. Learn how to get the information and then let it go. The life you save may be your own!

Using EQ Every Day

THE STORY OF A SHIP AT SEA (and ME)

I am back from my vacation! It was a great cruise, originally set for Cancun, then moved to Cozumel, and ultimately to Progreso.

The reason for the last change was some problem with the ship's ability to "speed." There was only time to make it to Progreso, MX.

I've been able to cruise a lot, and have seen many islands and places in Mexico. I use cruises as the ultimate relaxation, and often don't even get off the ship in ports. It depends.

I also use my EQ every day.

I observed on this cruise, various attitudes towards this change of plans. Let's just say I observed many attitudes.

Now to me, when you are on a lovely cruise, on a beautiful ship, with food available nearly 24 hours a day, even delivered to your ROOM, lots of people if you like people, and lots of solitude if you prefer to read, rest, hot tub, etc., many diversions, shopping on board, photographs, full-service spa, hair salon, and the lovely meals in the dining room ... couldn't you manage to enjoy yourself? No matter what?

Yes, they might lose your shirt in the laundry, or your meat might not be cooked right the first time, or they might use Tanqueray instead of Beefeaters, or your bed might not get made one day ... I've not heard any of these things happening, but I'm sure they do -- it's a CITY of PEOPLE ... 2,000 guests and nearly as many staff -- and things happen. Yes, they do. Even on your vacation.

I also visited with a staff member who had been on the ship working when it was holding policemen during the hurricane last year. He told me how they complained about everything, and trashed the ship. Each person had their own private room and all the services, the food and lovely surroundings.

Yes, this is bad manners. It's unpleasant and ridiculous to hear. It's rude. And it's also low EQ because of what it does to the person. You raise your blood pressure, you "ruin" your time, and that of the others who have to listen, you stress yourself ...

On the other hand, we have the high EQ people. I asked one smiling and cheerful woman if she was upset about the change of itinerary. "Are you kidding?" she said. "I'm on a cruise."
Another woman told me, "I would never ruin my own vacation."

Other people complained about seasickness. They were wearing the patches -- now there's something where you put foil on your hand (don't ask ME) . I feel NOTHING on a cruise, but the most gentle ... not even a "rock" ... just more pleasant than being on land. WHY would you go on a cruise if you were prone to seasickness? Does that make sense? There are a million other things to do. Certain amusement park rides DO make me feel nauseated. I don't apply a patch and defy reality. I DON'T GO ON THE RIDE. Some people seem to want to make things difficult. Not me!

But then I like to enjoy myself and hope to live a long and happy life, which brings us to two final points.

#1, I wish I had discovered cruising earlier in my life. It happens to be the most relaxing and refreshing thing in the world for me and it's smart to discover what works for you early on. I would have been a more pleasant person earlier on if I'd taken care of myself that way. It might be yoga for you, or climbing mountains, or bungee jumping, but find out what it is early on, and make use of this information.

And #2, here's a great quote from Henry Frederic Amiel to ponder: "To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living."

This is very much what emotional intelligence, EQ, is all about. I used to watch one of my grandmothers who seemed to be making it all very difficult on herself (and us). "Grow old gracefully," I told myself. I loved her more each day, and wondered why she wasn't feeling the same way. If she couldn't drive the car, I would drive her, I would walk with her, I would sit with her -- I adored the woman.

Resilience, sense of humor, perspective, positive attitude ... all part of EQ, and all of it can be learned.

Just give me a call at my NEW PHONE NUMBER: (817) 741-7223; or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Waiting to assist you in making your life work better with EQ.