Resilience builds Resilience

Everyday heroes to me are people who are resilient.

Today's example. Nancy has an online business which involves being on the computer all the time. Recently some nerve damage occurred in her right hand and she couldn't use it. At the age of 63, she quietly moved her mouse over to the left side of the keyboard and started learning to type with just her left hand.

YOU CAN DO IT! If you hit a snag, let me coach you. That's what I'm here for.

Warren is another example. He is 58 and a chiropractor. Years of the maneuvers have left him unable to use his right arm well enough, so he quietly began getting into consultation and teaching.

You can retrain your brain in many ways. That's why we keep learning new things. It keeps the 'aging' brain young. Learn something outside your field for best results. And KEEP LEARNING.

Learning matters. You may need it some day! :-)

Lifetime learning is one of the keys to resilience.

Vocabulary, the Hidden Asset of Emotional Intelligence

CAN WE TALK??

In his research, Johnson O'Connor, a pioneer in the field of educational testing, claimed that an extensive vocabulary is the single most important indicator of lifetime success, whether it be financial, professional, or personal.

One of the most important things I work with with clients is their vocabulary. How they express themselves. One of the EQ competencies actually is Emotional Expression, but it goes beyond that. Being able to articulate a thought or a feeling is the key to good communication, and one of the most important things you will be judged by.

Whether you swear, use elitist vocabulary, cannot get out of your professional jargon, stumble over words, or lack the ability to understand and use metaphor and stories, argue and provoke instead of negotiating and discussing, or are boring ... effects your ability to get along with others, at work and at home.

Part of this I teach as etiquette. For instance how do you "get rid of" someone when you simply must get off the phone? How do you deal with an abrasive boss? How do you answer those tough questions in the interview? How do you placate an angry customer? How do you soothe a child?

How do you discuss a problem with your spouse without getting either hysterical or stone-walling?

In fact, my EQ COURSE(tm) includes poetry, the distillation of the best that language has to offer, including metaphor and simile. Great literature also gives you analogies (with other similarly educated people - which is where you want to be.) I know lawyers who read Shakespeare so they can write more compelling briefs.

If you would like to improve your ability to express yourself, the impression you make on others, and your success at negotiation and influence, email me for coaching, or call 817-741-7223. You will learn in the natural way - context, conversation, and feedback.

It' s one of the best investments you can make in your future happiness!

Emotional Intelligence is Strategic Thinking

Emotional Intelligence IS Strategic Thinking.

In today's mailbag, an ezine from H. Glenn Ebersole, Jr., Founder and Chief Executive of J. G. Ebersole Associates and The Renaussance Group™, who is in my networking group.

Full of helpful information, Glenn entitles one article "Critical Skills Needed To Be A Strategic Thinking According to Your Strategic Thinking Business Coach." He defines strategic thinking as a process whereby you can arrive a good decision related to your work or personal life. "Strategic thinking," he writes, "involves developing an entire set of critical skills."

And what are those critical skills?

The first one he mentions is:

Critical Skill #1: They have the ability to use the left and right sides of their brain. This skill takes practice as well as confidence. Developing the logic and creative sides of your brain are tremendously valuable.

This is precisely the value of taking THE EQ COURSE and the coaching that goes along with it. Full of neuroscience (about the brain), it shows you how to develop your analytical thinking and then go beyond it to WHOLE BRAINED thinking or BALANCED BRAIN THINKING.

This allows you to zone in on the sort of thinking we call "gut feeling," where, if you're in business (or relationships), resides the best judgment, truest perceptions, and sounded decisions. Gut feeling, or intuition, highly developed (which you can learn through EQ) is why two financial advisers can read the same "fundamentals," (left brain, analytical) and one make a 20 bagger, and the other pick a stock that tanks.

TAKE THE EQ COURSE ONLINE WITH EMAIL AND PHONE CONSULTATION, OR COME TO DALLAS FOR A DYNAMIC AND LIFE-CHANGING 1 1/2 DAY SEMINAR. eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information. Seminars are held monthly and can be arranged to meet your schedule.

STRATEGIC THINKING is essential for what you want to accomplish in your life. One of my top 5 strengths on the Strengths Finder is STRATEGIC. I can help you come up with the strategy AND I can teach you how the parts of your brain work, and how to get them working TOGETHER, for synergy. This is particularly important for men, where the communication between the right and left hemispheres of the neocortex is weaker and needs to be developed.

Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for immediate assistance.

We train in Dallas in state-of-the-art facilities, strategically loved just 20 mins from DFW. All seminars led by Susan Dunn, M.A., Clinical Psychology, and founding member of Coachville.

The Etiquette of Tipping

Having just been interviewed by a newspaper about the "etiquette of tipping," I'd like to put my 20% here on the blog ... I mean my 2 cents worth.

Please keep in mind that this is a funny question. There are the "rules" of tipping, and then there is the "etiquette."

The rules are easy -- 20%.

$1-3 to the valet. $1 per coat in the clockroom. $.50-$1 in the restroom.

The ETIQUETTE is something else. I mean couldn't you have som fun and put $5 in the restroom lady's jar?

My grandfather was a great guy. He was a banker, but he really liked to help people. He was comfortable, not wealthy. He used to leave $5 to tips back when that was a LOT of money. Just because it made him feel good.

Etiquette is about good manners, thinking about the other people, and taking in the whole situation.

First the rules because they're easier.

The 15-20% rules includes expensive wines, and the bartender (pay before you eat). If you can afford a $300 bottle of wine, what on earth are you complaining about?

At bar, $1 for beer or wine; $2 for mixed drink.

Tip jar - 5-10%. Be more generous is you feel like it. You know its split, and you know these are minimum wage people.

Fine Dining? Same deal. If you can afford a $300 meal, you can afford a $60 tip.

If you got great attention, tip the sommelier 10% and also the maitre'd.

Now for the etiquette. This means thinking, not just memorizing rules. This is what emotionally intelligent people. Anyone I know, for instance, who ever did waiting, or has a child who does, will tip more than 20%. Why wouldn't you?

It feels good to be generous.

Lousy service? Be sure you evaluate it with your EQ cap on, If you have ever done the job, you would know that there are many factors beyond the control of your wait person - like the chef messing up the order, some other waitperson taking their order, a bad night in the kitchen. - and whose fault is it if they've run out of prime rib already?? Or simply it's their first week on the job. These jobs are harder than they look.

A waiter who cops an attitude is another story. If your waitperson is surly, nasty, disdainful, obviously have a bad-mood day, see the manager. The tip is kind of irrelevant. If he got your food there, leave 10%; it's a statement of its own sort. And then don't go back there, unless your discussion with the manager leads you to believe it's a rare occurrence. Yes, you can leave nothing. You can also leave one nickel, like an unpleasant acquaintance of mine does. But then you have to live with yourself. This is what etiquette is all about.

The most ridiculour thing I hear is about time spend at the table. NO!! NO!! Who on earth came up with that one? In the finest restaurants, the ones I enjoy the most, the wait staff doesn't run up, put their foot on an empty chair and join your conversation (dear lord). They are INOBTRUSIVE, like the best of British servants. Looking after you, silently appearing, anticipating needs. Their actual time with you may be 15 minutes, if you're actually clocking it (why aren't you enjoying your meal and companionship is my question??)

Etiquette is about manners and between people. If the waitperson really knocked your socks off, make yourself feel good and leave them 40%. Send$25 in to the chef. What is money for but to have fun with, and what is more fun than largesse -- generosity. I love a date who is generous.

Does it bother you that a tip is added for larger groups? If you ever waited a large table, you'd know why. It's a lot more work. It's stated up front. If you don't like it, leave. It's as simple as that.

A LITTLE PRIMER

The waiter depends on tips to make it. They have to deal with the kitchen, the chef, the maitre'd, learn the specials, the wines, cover spills, cranky guests, people who can't pronounce the foreign words (in Texas, concierge (con-see-air'-jah, from the French) is pronounced con-see-air'. Tournedos - the accent is on the first syllable (tour'-nuh-doze). It is not a Tour-na-do. etc. They have to know when to interrupt. And my favorites are the ones who quietly arrive to fill my water glass, know just when to bring the bill and who to give it to, and do not bounce up and say, "I'll Fanetta, I'll be your waitperson today." My meal and my companion are the focus of my evening. Good waitstaff is background material, and I award them for that.

I'm a generous tipper unless there's some reason not to be. It's etiquette.

Odds and Ends

• Men are worse tippers than women. I guess because they're worrying about the difference between 15% and 20% or how much it amounts to by hour.
• Sometimes the credit card companies demand adding a tip and checking out if the credit card money is there. Be smart - understand that's not the restaurant doing it.


• Some restaurants dictate a tip. This is like a contract. Read the fine print and agree to it or not. As long as they are up front about it.


• Yes, check your credit card bill immediately before it passes through the bank. That's just smart. It can take a week for the real bill to show up rather than the pre-authorized amount.


• Waiters are trapped by software, just like convenience workers. Give them a break.


• Don't argue with others at table about the tip, the bill or anything else. This is bad manners.


• If you're on a date you'll make a great impression if you're a generous tipper. Remember the words of - who was it? - a person who is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.


• You are not paying them only for time spent, but for what they know ... like the wine list, and how to placate the grouch at your table, and how to move the order through the kitchen, where to find the butter when someone forgot to put it out. Ever been in a kitchen a meal time? I used to work for the head chef at a 5-star resort. You would not believe what can go wrong.


• Remember, it's the credit card company that does the pre-authorization thing.


• If you are getting "terrible service," call the manager over. Likely they will comp your meal, which leaves you with the question of the tip. But this isn't exactly brain science. Why not leave them something? Is it so much to ask? The waiters going to catch hell from the manager, isn't that enough?


• It is typical to tip the lesser amount (15%) at breakfast or dinner. Why? Just because.


• If it's a special occasion and the restaurant has raised their prices, make your tip the same. It's designed to be a special occasion.
• Should you be charged a gratuity at a buffet when you bring your group? Are you a rube? CALL AHEAD OF TIME AND FIND OUT THESE THINGS. If you disagree, don't go there. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Of interest - some servers have to what's called "tip out" as many as 5 other people - bar (even if they served no alcoholic beverages), good runner, host, busser, service manager - do you even know who these people are?

Lastly, there's eating out and there's eating out. On some occasion you wish to impress. A first date with your dream girl, your mother on mother's day, and anything to do with boss and colleagues come to mind. EQ-smart people call ahead and check on things.

People Make a Difference

Charles Schultz' Philosophy (the creator of Peanuts) arrived in my mailbag today. I didn't Snopes it. If it isn't his philosophy, it's mine and that of the people who mean the most to me on a daily basis.

Here's a test for you to take.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care and who touch our lives personally.

I hope, as a coach, my name will be on some people's lists. If you'd like to become a coach, and touch people's life positively, email about my coach training and certification program. sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Millionaire finds happiness at work

WHAT IS THE ONE THING MONEY CAN'T BUY --
EVEN $1,000,000?

Mary works at a boutique convenience store that sells Lottery tickets. There are many conversations about what the person would do if they won.


I think it's a happy person who says, "I'd keep doing that I'm doing only ... travel A BIT/help others/buy my parents a home/send my kid to the best college, etc.


At least 3 coaches I have trained and certified, who are at what some might consider "retirement" age, tell me they will keep doing it "forever." (If you want to become a coach, email me for information on my unique coach certification program.- sdunn@susandunn.cc .)


And now for today's story. You may have heard this story from London. You can read more about it here.

THE MILLIONAIRE

Luke Pittard won £1.3million in the National (UK) Lottery over a year ago and he did what many of us would do - he bought a new house; he had a fancy wedding; he holidayed in the Canary Islands.


And then he decided he missed his friends at work, and he went back to work. At McDonald's!

His comment: "They all think I'm a bit mad but I tell them there's more to life than money," he said. "I loved working at McDonald's before I became a millionaire and I'm really enjoying being back there again."


He added: "To be honest, there's only so much relaxing you can do. "I'm only young and a bit of hard work never did anyone any harm."

So, happiness is ...

Well, friends have a lot to do with it. And love. And work you enjoy. And perhaps the kind of attitude Luke has. He seems to have everything in perspective. He missed his friends, and so he went back to find them.

Do you have things in perspective? The EQ COURSE can help a lot. Most people call it "the missing piece."

The Victory Dance at the Olympics

THE VICTORY DANCE

Students of emotional intelligence and body language will not find it surprising that researchers are pointing out that the human postures and gestures of triumph seen so often at the Olympics, are innate (found in both blind and sighted athletes, and present in every culture and country). They are also used by primates and other animals. It's just the way we say WA-HOOOO! I DID IT!

It's The Victory Dance - the one we saw when swimmer Phelps and his teammates won the men's 400-meter freestyle relay.

Says the LA Times:

This display of human pride and exuberance ... closely resembles the
dominance displays of chimps and monkeys, which also feature outstretched arms and exaggerated postures...The animal world is filled with inflated displays of superiority, noted Daniel M.T. Fessler, a UCLA anthropologist not involved in the research. Birds puff themselves up and cats arch their backs to make themselves look bigger and scarier to adversaries, he said.

It's a great release of that exuberant energy, too.

Ain't it great to win!

Ray Garrett - his contribution as chairman of the SEC

I traded some stock today at Charles Schwab and remembered that a low-cost provider that allows 'the little guy' to trade stocks as easily as we have all become accustomed to doing was only made possible by the efforts of Ray Garrett, former chairman of the SEC. His birthday was August 11.

[the article is entitled "the man under whom it will all shake down."]

Interview with Roderick Hills, 12/2/02: "The White House deregulated commission rates, and while Ray Garrett at the Commission deserves all the credit for that, the fact is that President Ford and Alan Greenspan were strong supporters of that ..."

We will be honoring Ray Garrett at The Securities and Exchange Commission Historical Society's 75th Anniversary Celebration Dinner for the SEC Commission and staff, government officials, and industry representatives on Thursday, June 25, 2009.

Ray Garrett, Jr. passed on in February 1980. He emceed a previous anniversary dinner and wouldn’t have missed this one for all the tea in China -- nor the personal archives and roundtables that the Historical Society has promoted since its inception. He loved the SEC, the law, his family, and his colleagues, whose names were legion.

Of Ray Garrett, Jr.’s Chairmanship, Commissioner Al Sommer later remarked:

“Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never
hear his leadership criticized.” — A. A. Sommer, Jr.

At this time we are beginning to approach all of Ray’s friends and colleagues to give them an opportunity to participate in hosting or sponsoring a place at the banquet table to honor RAY GARRETT'S MEMORY.

Ray Garrett, Jr. had four children; Me (Susan Garrett Dunn), Nancy Garrett Worcester, Anne Garrett Norloff and Richard Hale Garrett. He has eight grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

Please contact Susan Dunn sdunn@susandunn.cc for details on how you can join us in honoring Ray’s memory and in the meantime be sure to save this date on your calendar:

JUNE 25 2009

THE SEC 75TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER

. . .
A WAY TO HONOR RAY GARRETT, JR.
and his personal and professional contributions to our lives.

MR. BOOKEY: “The other thing that hasn’t quite been mentioned — the real
privilege I had, we had — all of us, we had what was called “The Dream
Commission.” “And The Dream Commission was when Ray Garrett was the chairman, and Irv was on the Commission, and Phil Loomis, and Al Sommer and John Evans, and they were the best. The absolute best. Stanley was the director. And they were smart. They were aggressive. They were energetic. It was leadership, and we loved it.

“And looking back, that was the prime time, folks. That was the prime
time.”

_______________________________________
Let's make it a date to remember. Contact sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

If you are blessed then you should share

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. --Virginia Woolf

Studies show, and personal experience confirms, that nothing gives us as much pleasure (in the true sense) as helping others.

During my days as a fundraiser I had so many happy days watching people give, and seeing what it did for them. I would take people through the shelter, and they would absorb the difficult, even harsh circumstances, of the residents.

They would often tell me about hard and sad times in their own lives - a way of being empathic, sharing feelings. No one escapes ...

Then they would rally. Their eyes would light up. One woman decided to donate a beautiful water fountain, as ours was old and grungy. Another lady decided to donate great art posters for the walls. A wealthy lawyer wrote out a check for $100,000 "for whatever you need." A society matron decided to provide birthday parties for all the residents on their day. A young high school student said he wanted to come down and do some carpentry work.

There are so many ways to help and they always make us feel good.

What prompted me to write this was the story of Taj Chahal, a multi-millionaire, who this year, for his 29th birthday, decided to forego flying his friends all over the world for lavish bashes, and instead hosted a surprise party for 300 at Martha's Kitchen, a San Jose charity that serves meals to the homeless and working poor.

Why did he do this? He is quoted as saying:

"If you are blessed to have the things that you have, then you should share them with others," said Chahal.

Traffic - for the safety of us all

THE TRAFFIC JAM

Some time ago, I bought my dream car – one of those plush cadillacs with great arm rests and leather seats. The only thing is that it just about put me to sleep, the ride was so cushioned; and it didn’t exactly stop on a dime. I kept getting hit because I couldn’t get out of the way fast. Having a job where I had to drive downtown a lot, I decided to switch to a sharp little small car that I could maneuver (Toyota), and the first week I had it I was able to avoid getting hit by an errant driver because I was able to get out of the way.

Well, of interest to us all, for our SAFE DRIVING, is TRAFFIC, by Tom Vanderbilt. Take a look at the book review by Mary Roach in The New York Times, as well as the one on amazon.com (here's a pdf of facts - http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/lmong/Traffic_One_Sheet.pdf and you'll get some safety tips right off the bat. TRAFFIC is subtitled Why We Drive the Way We Do (And What It Says About Us).

We really are weird. The amazon.com book review mentions that the more stop signs there are on a road, the more likely we are to run them.

It's for sure we are driving more these days. We're going out for things we used to have/do at home. And did you know that Starbucks now builds stores facing each other so no one has to make a left turn, because drive-in business is such a great source of income for them?

Of interest...

• SUVs are more dangerous


• Saturday at 1 pm has heavier traffic than rush hour


• Up to 70% of people may just be looking for a parking space


• Traffic fatalities aren't new - in 1867 in New York, 4 pedestrians were killed by horses every week


• Things that we think are safer cause us to use less caution (like bicycle lanes)


• And this fact won't surprise you -- many traffic slowdowns are caused by people slowing down to take a look. But it's surprising what they - okay WE - will gawk at! This is well-known in marketing lore - change is what catches people's attention

It's sobering again to read about the dangers of multi-tasking in the car - from cell phones, to shaivng, to map reading, to applying makeup, to dictating.

I found it especially interesting to read about the studies of ancient chariot runways. Apparently chariot traffic got so bad in ancient Rome, Caesar had to ban daytime driving except for certain activities.

I plan to read the book. Hope you will to. We could all use safer driving!

The Secret World of Grandparents ad Grandchildren

From the Grandparents' Day booklet at an elementary school - a look at the secret and sweet world they share. You couldn't make these up:

· My grandma and grandpa are special because they watch movies with me.
· My grandparents always cook food for me doughnuts and other stuff, make clay flower and are always there for me.
· My Grandma and Grandpa play with me outside in the back yard.
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa in their pond.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa.
· I like to go fishing with my grandma and grandpa.
· I like to play cards with my grandma and grandpa.
· Nana and Papa are special because they buy me prizes and take me out to play. My Papa Nick and Nanna are special because they let me swing on their rope.
· Grandparents so sweet and nice, they spoil you like you're candy.
· My Grammy and Pop are special because they take me to the park to play and let me sleep over.
· I like to drive with my Grandma.
· My Grandma is special because she cooks for me. My Grandpa is special because he tickles me.
· My Grandma and Grandpa take me to the store. I like to go to WalMart.
· My Grandma Mia and Paw Paw are special because they love me and pick me from school. They take care of me when Mom is away!
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they let me come to their house and make toast for me.
· I like to play hide and seek with grandma and grandpa.
· I like to go to the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they take me to the ranch to ride my 4-wheeler.
· I like going to Six Flags with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Cha Cha and Big Daddy are special because they take me to the park to get ice cream. My Grandmommy and Poppy are special because they let me play with toys in their attic.
· I like to go to the playground with Grandma and Grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa take me to the zoo.
· I like to sew with my Grandma.
· I like to swim with my grandma and grandpa.
· Grandma Jo is special because she smiles and plays with me.
· Grandma and Grandpa are special because they draw trains for me and fixes my guitar.
· Mimi and Papaw are special because they chase lizards with me.
· My grandma and grandpa are special because they play games with me. They let me win.
· I like fish and swim with Granny and Papaw.
· I like to go shopping with my grandmother and with my other grandmother I like to go to her house and eat [?] with chocolate ice cream and with my grandfather I like to go to his house and drink a homemade milkshake.
· When they pick me up Friday at school.
· Dear Grandparents, I love you.
· I like to swim with grandma and grandpa in their pool.
· My grandma is very special (picture "Grandma's Back Yard") because she takes me shopping and I visit her in Illinois.
· My favorite thing is to play monopily with my grand parents.
· I like my grandparents because they play with me.
· I like to walk with my grandfather.
· Me, Grandpa and Grandma like to swing.
· Me, Grandma and Grandpa went to the park on a warm and sunny day.
· I like to see a movie with my grandmother.
· I like to build the electric train with my grandpa.
· We are playing horse basketball.
· I like to go to the park with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they give me kisses and send me presents for my birthday.
· My sister and me like to play with Grammy and Po Po.
· I like to help Grammey and Granpa cook [something?] when they are done I can eat them and they are very good.
· Grandma and Grandpa take me to ride on the roller coaster.
· I like to take a walk with grandma and grandpa.
· My Nana and Pocka are special because they play legos with me.
· I like to read with Babbo.
· I like to eat ice cream with my grandma and my grandpa.
· I like to play games with my grandma and grandpa.
· My Grandma and Grandpa like to hide in the cave with me.
· (That one I just love!)
· My Grammy and Papaw are special because they give me presentsand they cook for me.
· I like to play with my grandma and grandpa in the park. Then we eat at MacDonalds.
· I like to eat ice cream with my grandma and grandpa.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa on the playground outside.
· Nana, you let me hold the ferrets at the pet shop. (Isn’t that hysterical!)Pet the dogs and cats, and you buy my dog toys. You watch my dances + hear my songs. I love you all day long!
· I like to walk the dog with grandma and grandpa.
· My Abuela and Abuelo are special because they tell me stories about long ago. I also have Christmas at their house in Mexico.
· I like to play with my Grandma and Grandpa. We play with toys and go outside.
· I like it when Grandma and Grandpa give me a toy.
· I like to see the ocean with Granny and Pawpaw.
· Grandma and Grandpa play with me and make me food.
· My Grandma and Grandpa are special because they give me hugs and kisses.
· I like to go outside with my Grandma and Grandpa and look at the birds.
· I like to spend the night at grandma and grandpa's house. Then I like to spend the whole day with them!
· I like to go in the hot tub with grandma and I like to swim in the big pool with grandpa. He has lots of airplanes in his garage.
· Grandparents are nice. Grandparents are kind. When your naughty they don't mind. We love you! We love you!! Yes, we do!!
· At top -- You are my sunshine.I like to go for walks with my Grandparents and then have a picnic. I love playing with my Grandpa while my Grandma cooks.

Christian the Lion

We all love this story of limbic love. We share the limbic brain with all mammals, lions included.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it"
-Helen Keller

The bottom line about learning and increasing your emotional intelligence is your health and happiness.

How we handle the "negative" emotions affects every aspect of our life.

The goal of life is not to suffer. That's not to say we don't all have times of suffering. In fact "great suffering leads to great learning." We'd rather get our lessons another way, but lets face it - the way we learn to do it right, is by doing it wrong and learning.

Let me coach you! Call 817-741-7223 or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Eye Candy - what's that got to do with focus?

ABOUT STAYING FOCUSED

I headed out today to take care of some necessary errands. First off was to go to the bank and deposit some checks. I'm fairly new to this area but I know where my bank is!

As I drove along, I noticed there was an amusement park set up on the left side of the road - some summer fair I guess. I have little ones in my life and thought that might be fun to take them to. But I was also thinking that it's 107 degrees in Dallas today and wondered how the fair was doing.

So where's the bank? Drove right past it!

It's so easy to be distracted from what we need to be doing when something pleasant looms on the horizon. And a special EQ note - learn what fogs your thinking. 107 degree would be one of those things. (Is there enough fresh air in your office? Is the temperature right at home for a good night's sleep.)

We often have to remind ourselves about tasks to stick with our Intentionality. What do you intend to do today and to have happen? Then keep it in mind.

That's the EQ way.

Shooting stars - the Perseids are coming

Do you remember watching shooting stars when you were a kid? Well get ready folks, here it comes.

THE PERSEIDS METEOR SHOWER will peak August 11

Famous birthdays, August 11

• Ray Garrett, Jr., former chairman of the SEC
• Arlene Dahl, actress
• Hulk Hogan, wrestler

This spectacular display of SHOOTING STARS that occurs every summer is named Perseids because it appears to come from the constellation, Perseus. It began around July 23rd, with one meteor per hour. There will be about 50-80 per hour by August 11-13.

It is believed that dreams come true on the night of the shooting stars.

ABOUT METEORS

Meteors are bits of debris left behind by comets. The Perseid is from the Comet Swift-Tuttle, the largest object known to make repeated passes near the Earth. It's nucleus, about 6 miles across, is "roughly equal to the object that wiped out dinosaurs." (www.space.com).

The shooting stars are fast. They enter the Earth’s atmosphere at over 133,000 mph. They range in size from a grain of sand to peas and marbles. When they hit the ground (rare), they are called meteorites.

When the Perseid particle enters the atmosphere, it compresses the air in front of it, which heats up. The meteor can become more than 3,000 degrees. This intense heat then vaporizes the meteors, creating what we call SHOOTING STARS.

From space.com:

Some large meteors splatter, causing a brighter flash called a fireball, and sometimes an explosion that can often be heard from the ground.

The Swift-Tuttle has a 13- year orbit around the Sun. Each time it has left a trail, and each trail has meteors. The best time to view is pre-dawn. This year, there will be a bright moon (gibbous) which will set about 1:30 a.m. Then the sky will be dark enough for good observation. The show began around July 17th, but the full moon interfered with vision. There will be about 10 other showers going on at the same time, including the Kappa Cygnids.

So get out your quilt and head for the hills/boat/park and catch a falling star. Put it on your pillow and watch ...

Photo credit: wikimedia commons

It's 105 Degrees in Dallas

IT'S HOT

It usually is hot in Texas in the summer!

I had a friend here this weekend from Mississippi. She kept commenting on how hot it was. Each time she mentioned it, I became aware that it was hot, and that I was hot.

Here in Dallas we don't comment on the heat in the summer. What's the use? It only makes us think about it.

And that's one way of coping!

Yes it is hot. It has been 105 recently. I don't know what it is today because I don't need to know, and it only makes it worse. It's a statement of a fact that it is hot. Beyond that, this is something we can do nothing about, that will be here for a while, it's expected, and talking about it only makes it worse.

We can seek temporary solutions to this "problem" - like cold drinks, cold showers, turning up the A/C, and staying inside. We can also occupy ourselves with things so we get our minds off of it. And that's kind of the key to things like this.

Complaining about something only makes it worse. It keeps it in the forefront, it magnifies its importance, and it keeps up, actually from taking action.

It also stresses the people around you. When someone says, "It's hot," I want to say, "Thank for reminding me."

With low EQ, you can move right on to "catastrophizing." This is:

• It's so hot I think I'm going to die.
• This is too hot. I can't stand it.
  
• I'm going to go out of my mind if it's this hot tomorrow.
• I'll never be able to sleep tonight. I've got a big meeting tomorrow, my hair will go limp, my makeup will run ... it's a nightmare.
  
• This is awful. I can't stand it. Why did I ever move here. I must've been out of mind. Stupid, yes, stupid. That's what I am. I never get it right.
  

If there's a problem there are always 3 ways to deal with it:

1. Change it
2. Leave
3. Change your attitude

If there's a solution to the problem, get right on it. That's the constructive, EQ thing to do. Either fix it, or get away from it. Failing that, change your attitude. Stressing over the stressor only compounds your own misery, and adds to the misery of those around you.

Remember - "5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours." If you'd like to work on how you handle your emotions, and what you allow them to do to you and your health, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-741-7223.

Coach Certification in Dallas

DALLAS COACH TRAINING AND CERTIFICATION SEMINAR

Training Center

Pool area with hot tub

Breakout room

WANT TO BECOME A CERTIFIED COACH?

Come to Dallas for 1 1/2 day seminar.

Corporate apts, or hotels in the near vicinity. Conference and business center, pool with hot tub, exercise room.

Susan has trained coaches all over the world, and invites you to come to Dallas now for your own personal training to become a Life Coach. You can specialize in many areas - wellness, fitness, emotional intelligence, personal life coach, career, transitions, parenting, retirement, healing, and more.

Program includes core materials on the Internet for you to work through at your own pace before you arrive, intensive on-site seminar, segment on marketing your professional practice, a program designed to meet your specific objectives, chance to network and learn with other professionals.

COACHING IS ONE OF THE GROWTH PROFESSIONS, SO GET ON BOARD NOW.

For dates and more information, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call 817-741-7223.

Cost: $899

The Dating Coach Talks About Your Ex

One of the things that comes up when we're dating is the subject of exes. Former dates, lovers, partners and spouses.

How do we deal with this?

Well, the less said the better.

If she asks you about the former woman(en) in your life, and you get all moony-eyed and are tempted to talk about her fantastic figure and beautiful face, well don't!. First of all it shows you aren't 'over' her. Second, what woman wants to compare herself to that. So just skip it.

If he asks you about your ex and he hit you / ran off with your best friend / etc., well don't! The only thing this will lead to is why you stuck around this person, which leads to how you choose people ... which means - well we're human -- he's going to think -- if she chooses so poorly, what am I doing here??

Work with your Dating Coach to come up with responses that don't get you in trouble from the get-go.

We've all got exes. Maybe it's best to leave it at that??

Contact me for coaching if you would like help with this complicated topic - or others that come up, like:

• You've been married TWO times?
• How long do you plan to keep working?
• Wait a minute ... you got divorced in 1990 and have never remarried?
• How come you never got married (at all)?
• Your marriage only lasted two years?
• Are you willing to relocate?
• We live 500 miles apart. The distance is too great.

Everyone's looking. There's a partner for everyone. So call me and get back on track! 817-741-7223. Susan Dunn, The Dating Coach.

Facebook Scrabulous barred

Talk about an emotional issue. I was playing Scrabulous via Facebook in the earl hours of Tuesday, and suddenly something was wrong. Well, I thought, just temporary. We in the Scrabulous community had been frustrated with a few glitches ... like requesting to host a table and having a game set up with the same person 5 times.

But no, this was sometthing serious, for a LOT of people.

From The New York Times, the HALF A MILLION PEOPLE who played Scrabulous daily had the rug abruptly pulled out from under their feet.

I'll admit I'm a Scrabulous fan and spent and hour or two daily, for relaxation. I got on line as usual, and there was a notice - no Scrabulous. I didn't even get to get my final stats on BINGOS. I played with my sister, my nephew, my niece, and a host of people from all over the world I knew nothing about. Sometimes we chatted, sometimes we just played. Everyone had their own style at Scrab.

I know it was a big thrill in my life that just that day I'd put down a 98 pt. bingo. The highest one before that was AFFLUENT for 95. I have a list of my Bingos tacked up on my bulletin board. My stat was slowly building as I learned strategy from people I played with - from all over the world.

I joined the environment of the Scrabulous community - the controversy over word lists and "cheaters," the 'adult' lists, the people who would write in their requests when wanting to host a table - no porn, no chat, just fun, and brain power only.

From the article:

The Calcutta-based brothers who developed Scrabulous bowed to legal pressure and barred North American users from playing the game on Facebook.

The demise of Scrabulous was sudden but not wholly unexpected. The game, a favorite time-waster among cubicle dwellers, was created by two brothers in Calcutta. On July 24, Hasbro, which owns the North American rights to Scrabble, sued them for copyright infringement. On Tuesday, the brothers made Scrabulous unavailable to Facebook users in Canada and the United States, citing legal pressure.

The backlash was instant. Bloggers denounced Hasbro, howls of protest flooded message boards, and new Facebook groups were created with names like “Down with Hasbro.” Although some people spoke up to defend Hasbro’s rights, most people jeered at the company, calling it everything from “short-sighted” to “technologically in the dark” to “despicable.”

I have had many hobbies and pastimes, and this was the latest one. Following on the heels of a long study of opera, I might add. New interests and hobbies are refreshing!

I had wondered how two brothers from India had been able to come up with something that worked so well, most of the time.

A waste of time? That's silly. One should have some time during the day to "waste." It was fun. It cost nothing, could be played at any time, connected me with some interesting people, and was a harmless activity.

Now I'll have to find something else.

Such is life!

The Romance out of Love

From a blog which is about seniors. The blog say seniors are not ones who took..., but consider this as sort of a mantra about emotionally intelligent living:

We could say "who took ..."

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement, or,
God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

Brangelina and the Babies

Susan Dunn is a personal life coach, specializing in emotional intelligence for success in career, dating and personal life. Call 817-741-7223 or sdunn@susandunn.cc

We can't help but join in the excitement about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitts' new twins! Joining a brood with already 6 small children. We also can't help wondering how they will do it.

Even if there are nannies and maids, there's so much work to do, and lot of it emotional and demanding. CHildren learn their emotional intelligence from their parents, by watching how they react and respond to things.

How do we handle the stress?

• Maybe you have a stressful job where the demands on your time seem impossible


• Maybe you have two jobs and are struggling to put gas in the car


• Maybe you are in school and the pressure to compete combines with deadlines and tons of reading

Whatever the stresses you are under, you need to find YOUR way of handling them. Not everything works for each person. Let me guide you with coaching to find the way that works for you.

FROM THE MAILBAG

From Ben: I did the yoga thing and it turned out to be more like another job. Rushing to get there. Working at getting it right. I came home more stressed then when I went there. What's up with that?

From LaDiva: she told me to go to a park and walk in nature. so i did and i breated deep like i was sposed to and just started coughing from all that stuff in the air. and there were kids there fighting and dogs too. this doesnt work for me.

From Kayley: meditation would be nice but i just can't turn off thoughts in my head. seems to me like i'd do better running a mile and get exhausted physically. what do you think?

Well, whatever your stress levels, there IS a way to manage it, and it may not be what works for someone else.

Let me coach you to success and managing the stress.

Lessons in Management

LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT
(source unknown)

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?: "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

The Dogs Days of Summer

Hubble photo of Sirius, the Dog Star, believed to be in the public domain.

Folks, we are in the Dog Days of Summer. If you're feeling irritable and also lethargic, you aren't alone.

This is the Dog Days of Summer. This is because of the Dog Star, Sirius, and it's serious business!

Going back to ancient times, the Northern Hemisphere has had to deal with scorching summers and has had various explanations.

Here's the story-- Sirius, the Dog Star, is the brightest star besides the sun.

The "Dog Days" are when Sirius rose just before or at the same time as sunrise, but this has shifted somewhat since the precession of the equinoxes over time. This happened to be the heat of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Also, of interest, it was the time when the Nile River flooded.

The Dog Days used to be considered "an evil time when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics and frenzies" according to Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

Of course we can see now that it's the heat!!

Official dates are:
Old Farmers Almanac says 40 days, July 3 - August 11
The Book of Common Prayer says July 6 - August 17

REMEDIES:

• Understand what the heat does to us, emotionally, mentally and physically (that's why we have phrases like - chill, and hot under the collar.
  
• Stay "cool"
• If you're tired, don't take a Red Bull, take a nap
• Don't pressure yourself or others about things that can wait. "Let sleeping dogs lie."
• Don't get over-heated - mentally, physically or emotionally
• Stay out of the heat - literally, and also remove yourself from 'heated' situations.
  

In other words, it's a good time to practice your emotional intelligence skills. Don't allow yourself to be provoked by others who are "losing it."

Employees on the Internet

UH OH

Seen on the Scrabulous request board:

Looking for a relatively fast game, but I'm at work so there may be some distractions

How to handle the employees and the Internet takes some EQ - in - action.
EQ is all about leadership, finesse, the "soft" skills that make the hard skills work .... call me (817-741-7223) or email me, sdunn@susandunn.cc, for coaching.

Brad Pitt's IQ

The IQ ad that pops up on our screens states that Brad Pitt's IQ is 136 -- and can you beat it?

So much interest in IQ! And now there's a growing interest in EQ - emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to all those "other things" that make a person successful in their personal and professional life, besides their raw IQ score.

What's really great is that EQ can be learned. It's considered that your "IQ" is pretty much set in early childhood, but that our EQ does increase over time, if we PAY ATTENTION and learn.

I coach emotional intelligence. Come join me for a great learning experience.

Coaching by email, Internet courses, one-day seminars in Dallas, San Diego and D. C. EMAIL ME for more information.

I also train and certify coaches in emotional intelligence, lifeskills, wellness, relationships, dating, etc. One-day seminars, or long-distance. I have trained coaches all over the world. Distance is no problem!

DATING COACHING - visit the blog: http://datingcoachblog.wordpress.com/ .

Now YOU Can Be a Coach

Someone asked me the other day about becoming a coach. Did you know that I have trained and certified coaches all over the US and the world?

I train long-distance, and also offer one-day seminars for training and certification in Dallas, San Diego, and the D. C. area. (email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to arrange YOURS.)

Want to become a coach?

• The ideal profession
• You're your own boss
• You set your own schedule and hours and rates
• It's a portable profession - you can move any time you want
• The perfect retirement profession
• No one can fire you
• You can only get better with age
• You help me
• YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE
• Tremendous growth field
• Cited in a recent publication as one of the sneaky 6-figure occupations

Areas I can certify you in include, but are not limited to:

• Dating
• Wellness
• Emotional Intelligence
• Life balance
• Stress
• Parenting
• Personal Life Coach
• Business Coach
• Life Coach
• Relationship Coach

I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology, and was one of the founding members of Coachville, serving on Thomas Leonard's R&D team. I am proud to be Step-parenting expert and Attract your dream partner expert on a major website. I serve as EQ expert for WebProNews, and am proud to have been named Spiritual Life Path, and Adult Development Expert for selfgrowth.com, the largest selfhelp portal on the Internet.

Come learn with the coach who trains the other coaches.

Coach training and certification - long distance, on-site, Dallas, San Diego, D.C.; completely unique and personalized program for you, including marketing tips and strategies for a successful practice.

Requirements? An interest in becoming a coach.

Call 817-741-7223 or email sdunn@susandunn.cc

How to Learn How to MAKE A DIFFERENCE

"Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren't any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn't be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life's challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person." - Buckminster Fuller

Prepare yourself by taking the EQ course, about emotional intelligence. You can be the best you, and can make a difference.

There is nothing more satisfying.
eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

Do these pants make my butt look too big?

About honesty in relationships, and "the truth."

A constant sort point in male-female relationships has to do with "the truth." To many men, truth is an absolute.

There's a joke circulating about this now - one of many. Here it is:

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

He quickly replies, "Well you have perfect eyesight."

I hate to belabor the obvious on this one. It's a joke because we all know this.

IF you don't have tact, and if you confuse "honesty" with "the truth", as if you owned the truth ... please take some EQ training.

If you are a kind and decent person and a person needs reassurance, give it. It's the higher path.

The "truth" is a relative thing, subject to one's subjectivity. Kindness matters more in human relationships.

Don't Get Sick in July

Because a dear friend of mine became a night manager at a convenience store this year, and I've observed the effects on her working the graveyard shift, I've been looking at the effects of sleep deprivation. I also have heard her stories about the "night people," the people that frequent the store between midnight and 4:00 a.m. Many of them shift workers, and many of them working more than one job. Some have done so for years, and say, "You never get used to it."

What does it do to you to be up all night when you're supposed to -- biologically -- be sleeping? We'll be taking a look at this from different angles and here's one.

Maybe you haven't heard of this if you aren't in the medical community -- DON'T GET SICK IN JULY.

Why?

July 1 is when brand new baby physicians begin their internship, residency and clinical duties at teaching hospitals.

Common sense (emotional intelligence) would tell you you want an experienced professional if hospitalized, not to mention a rested and alert one, but I can tell you, having been married to a physician, that those schedules are grinding - almost a test of how well you can function without sleep.

There is some data to back this up.

According to "Near-miss errors in laboratory blood test requests by interns," there is an increased risk of error.

From the article:

The overall incidence of near-miss events when interns practiced during the first month of training vs. subsequent months was 1.6 vs. 0.6 cases per 100 intern-days at risk. The odds ratio for a near-miss event during the first month of intern training vs. subsequent months was 2.64.

That isn't exactly "alert the press information" -- that's why interns and residents are supervised. How well, is a function of hospital rigor and chance.

But take a look also at the effects of interns' on-call shift schedule as well:

One half of the near-miss episodes occurred during an intern's on-call days and another half of them during an extended on-call shift; none of the events occurred during a standard working shift. These events peaked in frequency when on-call interns had worked for 12–20 h.

So here's a matter of EQ -- if you, or someone you love, is hopitalized ever, but particularly in July at a teaching hospital, check out the 'state' of the doctor. You don't want an intern during his first month of clinical work who's on his 19th hour of duty on an on-call night ... do you?