Check out the free falls in this video.
It changes each time, so use the "refresh" button: http://www.compfused.com/directlink/822/
In all your falls, may your land gently!
LEARN HOW TO COACH PEOPLE THROUGH TRANSITIONS.
I TRAIN AND CERTIFY EQ COACHES. EMAIL ME FOR
INFORMATION ON THIS FAST, AFFORDABLE, COMPRE-
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IT'S THE HOTTEST NEW FIELD AROUND AND MANY
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Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
EQ Coaching - It's Not Just for Athletes Any More
Check out my latest article on the BusinessHighlight site.
Athletes have been given training in emotional management for years in order to improve their performance and reach their potential. Now it's available for all of us!
Athletes have been given training in emotional management for years in order to improve their performance and reach their potential. Now it's available for all of us!
Monday, June 27, 2005
EQ - Fun Facts
Q: What occurs more often in December than in any other month?
A: Conception
Q: What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show?
A: No theme song
Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace.
Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What's the most popular boat name?
A: Obsession
Q: If you were to spell out number, how far would you have to count until you found the letter "A"?
A: One thousand.
Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A: They were all invented by women.
Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A: honey
Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A: Father's Day
Q: What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A: He's allergic to carrots.
Q: What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear and smell better.
The State with the highest percentate of people who walk to work: Alaska.
Almost everyone who's color blind is male.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of 11 - $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The only mobile National Monument in the US?
The San Francisco cable cars
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents s great kind from history:
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the groun, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaraction of Independence on July 4th - Joh Hancock and Charles Thomson.
"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The term "the whole 9 yards" frome from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When aiming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fueslage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which states that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The name "Jeep" came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only 6 inches for each gallon of deisel fuel it burns.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars game.
The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores. These sores would smell badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously) so that it would cover the smell ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce spreading the disease ("Ashes, ashes, we all fall fown").
Hershey's kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
A: Conception
Q: What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show?
A: No theme song
Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace.
Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What's the most popular boat name?
A: Obsession
Q: If you were to spell out number, how far would you have to count until you found the letter "A"?
A: One thousand.
Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A: They were all invented by women.
Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A: honey
Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A: Father's Day
Q: What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A: He's allergic to carrots.
Q: What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear and smell better.
The State with the highest percentate of people who walk to work: Alaska.
Almost everyone who's color blind is male.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of 11 - $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The only mobile National Monument in the US?
The San Francisco cable cars
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents s great kind from history:
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the groun, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaraction of Independence on July 4th - Joh Hancock and Charles Thomson.
"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The term "the whole 9 yards" frome from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When aiming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fueslage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which states that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The name "Jeep" came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only 6 inches for each gallon of deisel fuel it burns.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars game.
The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores. These sores would smell badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously) so that it would cover the smell ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce spreading the disease ("Ashes, ashes, we all fall fown").
Hershey's kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
EQ and Change
Want the change. Be inspired by the flame
where everything shines as it disappears.
The artist, when sketching, loves nothing so much
as the curve of the body as it turns away.
What locks itself in sameness has congealed.
Is it safer to be gray and numb?
What turns hard becomes rigid
and is easily shattered.
Pour yourself out like a fountain.
Flow into the knowledge that what you are seeking
finishes often at the start, and, with ending, begins.
Every happiness is the child of a separation
it did not think it could survive. And Daphne, becoming a laurel,
dares you to become the wind.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
Saturday, June 18, 2005
EQ: Some Myths about the Workplace
From Barbara Moses
As people try to figure out how to navigate today's tough work realities, career and motivation gurus have a receptive audience. So they look for easy-to-swallow maxims to preach -- and in so doing, have let loose numerous myths about how to carve career success.
Some myths are based on a misunderstanding of contemporary workplace dynamics, or exaggerate what was once acceptable. Others are gross oversimplifications or half-baked truths.
Here are 10 myths that I hear frequently:
1. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
Rare is the individual who has his or her whole life mapped out. Most people will have at least one period, if not several, during their careers in which they will say to themselves "This isn't working. I'm not happy. Now what?"
This ability to question yourself, and live with the discomfort of uncertainty and ambiguity, actually shows emotional maturity and confidence. Even if you don't feel confident, when you ask yourself important questions, there is an underlying assertion that you feel you deserve more and will figure out how to obtain it.
2. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
I know of no job where irritants don't come as part of the package. Even people who love what they do can identify things that dissatisfy them, whether it's some unpleasant people they have to work with, excessive demands or unappreciative clients and bosses.
The real test is weighing the balance of the stuff you don't like and the stuff you do. When people do a realistic appraisal of their own work, they usually find that the things that satisfy them outweigh the things that don't.
3. YOU SHOULD LIVE A BALANCED LIFE.
What is that, anyway? We each have our own priorities and needs, and they change with every life stage. When children are younger, we may be totally absorbed by them, but as they age and grow more independent, we may be more absorbed by our work.
In fact, when we are most engaged, our lives are usually out of balance. Instead of seeking balance, ask yourself what you need to have in your life to feel good.
4. EVERYONE YOU WORK WITH, AND FOR, SHOULD LIKE YOU.
Just as you don't like everyone you interact with, you shouldn't expect everyone you come across to like you either. It is impossible to be the sort of person who everyone finds equally attractive. That is what makes us human.
Of course, aspects of our personalities may jar others. If you seem to be alienating a lot of people, ask yourself: Is there something I can and should do to change my behaviour? Or, is this simply not a good fit for me?
As a general rule, if you've irritated a lot of people, it's hard to get them to readjust their view of you. You may be better off finding a new work environment, where you can start off anew.
5. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GIVE YOUR BOSS OR CLIENTS WHAT THEY WANT.
You are brought into a job because you have the knowledge and experience to warrant it. And if you're doing your job right and long enough, you probably know more about the problem than they do. Your role is to share your expertise. If your opinion differs from that of your boss or client, share it. This is what you are being paid to do.
6. YOU NEED TO BE AN EXTROVERT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
Here's the thinking behind this one: To be most effective today, you need to be able to work in teams and to market yourself. Extroverts can do this better than introverts.
In fact, neither is true. Most teamwork today can be better described as "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am." You come together to solve a particular problem, then move on to the next project. Gone are the days of the casual social banter -- what extroverts do so well.
As far as marketing yourself goes, there are many ways of getting your name and credentials in front of people other than the relationship-building lunches that extroverts favour.
Strategies that work for introverts include giving presentations, writing for your professional association's newsletter, even sending someone an e-mail commenting about something they are working on.
7. IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.
Coach-speak aside ("if you can dream it, you can do it"), we all have limitations as well as strengths. The bar for performance in today's super-competitive workplace is extremely high.
Simply wanting something because it's your passion will not be sufficient. You may not have the aptitude to do what you want. As a general rule, if you think back to your past and find no strong indication of this aptitude, follow your bliss on your personal time and don't quit your day job.
8. IT’S HARD TO FIND A MENTOR.
About 80 per cent of midlife workers cite a strong desire to mentor someone as a source of career satisfaction and renewal, so there is a large pool of people looking to mentor younger talented people.
Look around at those you work with, previous bosses, consultants selling your company services, people you meet in volunteer capacities. Who do you admire? Ask if you can have a drink with them, or talk on the phone. You are not imposing. Who isn't flattered to feel they have something of value in the way of advice to provide to someone else?
9. YOU SHOULD FOCUS NETWORKING ON INFLUENTIA PEOPLE.
Often, senior people are too far removed from the work you are interested in to be truly helpful. As a courtesy, they may ask one of their more junior staff to meet with you, which often annoys the junior staff member. Usually the most fruitful encounters are with people at or just above your level.
More importantly, the point of networking is not purely instrumental, to get a job lead, for example. It is to make a mutual connection and share information and experiences.
Don't assess the value of your networking on its immediate economic payoff or the organizational level of the person. When you make a genuine connection, the long-term rewards are significant.
10. THE GRASS IS GREENER ELSEWHERE.
Most people significantly overestimate how much fun others are having. Do you feel overworked and underappreciated? Welcome to this decade.
Before you jump ship, ensure that you have accurately identified what is bothering you, remember what you like in your work, and carefully assess whether it's truly different across the street.
Barbara Moses, PhD, is an organizational career management consultant, speaker and author of What Next: The Complete Guide to Taking Control of Your Working Life. She can be reached at bmoses@globeandmail.ca .
As people try to figure out how to navigate today's tough work realities, career and motivation gurus have a receptive audience. So they look for easy-to-swallow maxims to preach -- and in so doing, have let loose numerous myths about how to carve career success.
Some myths are based on a misunderstanding of contemporary workplace dynamics, or exaggerate what was once acceptable. Others are gross oversimplifications or half-baked truths.
Here are 10 myths that I hear frequently:
1. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
Rare is the individual who has his or her whole life mapped out. Most people will have at least one period, if not several, during their careers in which they will say to themselves "This isn't working. I'm not happy. Now what?"
This ability to question yourself, and live with the discomfort of uncertainty and ambiguity, actually shows emotional maturity and confidence. Even if you don't feel confident, when you ask yourself important questions, there is an underlying assertion that you feel you deserve more and will figure out how to obtain it.
2. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
I know of no job where irritants don't come as part of the package. Even people who love what they do can identify things that dissatisfy them, whether it's some unpleasant people they have to work with, excessive demands or unappreciative clients and bosses.
The real test is weighing the balance of the stuff you don't like and the stuff you do. When people do a realistic appraisal of their own work, they usually find that the things that satisfy them outweigh the things that don't.
3. YOU SHOULD LIVE A BALANCED LIFE.
What is that, anyway? We each have our own priorities and needs, and they change with every life stage. When children are younger, we may be totally absorbed by them, but as they age and grow more independent, we may be more absorbed by our work.
In fact, when we are most engaged, our lives are usually out of balance. Instead of seeking balance, ask yourself what you need to have in your life to feel good.
4. EVERYONE YOU WORK WITH, AND FOR, SHOULD LIKE YOU.
Just as you don't like everyone you interact with, you shouldn't expect everyone you come across to like you either. It is impossible to be the sort of person who everyone finds equally attractive. That is what makes us human.
Of course, aspects of our personalities may jar others. If you seem to be alienating a lot of people, ask yourself: Is there something I can and should do to change my behaviour? Or, is this simply not a good fit for me?
As a general rule, if you've irritated a lot of people, it's hard to get them to readjust their view of you. You may be better off finding a new work environment, where you can start off anew.
5. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GIVE YOUR BOSS OR CLIENTS WHAT THEY WANT.
You are brought into a job because you have the knowledge and experience to warrant it. And if you're doing your job right and long enough, you probably know more about the problem than they do. Your role is to share your expertise. If your opinion differs from that of your boss or client, share it. This is what you are being paid to do.
6. YOU NEED TO BE AN EXTROVERT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
Here's the thinking behind this one: To be most effective today, you need to be able to work in teams and to market yourself. Extroverts can do this better than introverts.
In fact, neither is true. Most teamwork today can be better described as "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am." You come together to solve a particular problem, then move on to the next project. Gone are the days of the casual social banter -- what extroverts do so well.
As far as marketing yourself goes, there are many ways of getting your name and credentials in front of people other than the relationship-building lunches that extroverts favour.
Strategies that work for introverts include giving presentations, writing for your professional association's newsletter, even sending someone an e-mail commenting about something they are working on.
7. IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.
Coach-speak aside ("if you can dream it, you can do it"), we all have limitations as well as strengths. The bar for performance in today's super-competitive workplace is extremely high.
Simply wanting something because it's your passion will not be sufficient. You may not have the aptitude to do what you want. As a general rule, if you think back to your past and find no strong indication of this aptitude, follow your bliss on your personal time and don't quit your day job.
8. IT’S HARD TO FIND A MENTOR.
About 80 per cent of midlife workers cite a strong desire to mentor someone as a source of career satisfaction and renewal, so there is a large pool of people looking to mentor younger talented people.
Look around at those you work with, previous bosses, consultants selling your company services, people you meet in volunteer capacities. Who do you admire? Ask if you can have a drink with them, or talk on the phone. You are not imposing. Who isn't flattered to feel they have something of value in the way of advice to provide to someone else?
9. YOU SHOULD FOCUS NETWORKING ON INFLUENTIA PEOPLE.
Often, senior people are too far removed from the work you are interested in to be truly helpful. As a courtesy, they may ask one of their more junior staff to meet with you, which often annoys the junior staff member. Usually the most fruitful encounters are with people at or just above your level.
More importantly, the point of networking is not purely instrumental, to get a job lead, for example. It is to make a mutual connection and share information and experiences.
Don't assess the value of your networking on its immediate economic payoff or the organizational level of the person. When you make a genuine connection, the long-term rewards are significant.
10. THE GRASS IS GREENER ELSEWHERE.
Most people significantly overestimate how much fun others are having. Do you feel overworked and underappreciated? Welcome to this decade.
Before you jump ship, ensure that you have accurately identified what is bothering you, remember what you like in your work, and carefully assess whether it's truly different across the street.
Barbara Moses, PhD, is an organizational career management consultant, speaker and author of What Next: The Complete Guide to Taking Control of Your Working Life. She can be reached at bmoses@globeandmail.ca .
Friday, June 17, 2005
Mr. and Mrs. Smith: An Allegory about Marriage
Mr. and Mrs. Smith … who ARE these people? to paraphrase one of the great lines from this movie, which stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
According to one review, “John and Jane Smith are a happily married couple who work as assassins for rival firms.” Another reviewer considers it two movies in one, the first, “a sly comedy/thriller worthy of Hitchcock,” and the other, “a big noisy summer action flick.”
I agree it’s two movies, but I’d merge the action-thriller-comedy together, and suggest it’s also one of the best allegories for marriage I’ve ever seen.
Who ARE those people? They’re Every Married Couple … after the honeymoon’s over.
They’re not “happily” married – the movie begins with them in a marriage therapist’s office – but married they are, and the more you’ve been married, the more you’ll laugh your head off, so you don’t bang it against a wall at the impossible sly comedy/thriller, noisy action imbroglio a marriage can be. The young may take it at face value. The older and wiser will see the wolf’s head under Granny’s nightie – the fight and struggle that’s part of marriage, and part of life.
In the shrink’s office, John typically speaks for the two of them, saying they’ve been married 5 years. Jane corrects that it’s “6”. The script is peppered with the sort of bickering and snipes you hear from the disgruntled, long-married couples you unfortunately find yourself seated with on a cruise. Jane accidentally sticks a knife in John’s leg and he says, “We’ll talk about this later.” Jane mouths off to him in front of their hostage, and John growls, “It would be better not to demean me in front of the hostage.”
They are assassins, and shortly after the film begins, they discover they’re going to have to kill each other in order to survive. Imagine that. As Eddie, one of the marvelous side characters, says, in bolstering John to do the deed:
Eddie: "This broad is not your wife; she's the enemy.
John: "She tried to kill me."
Eddie: "They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly. How you going to handle it?"
Who ARE these people? An equally-matched married couple going through some of the predictable stages of married life. They remember when they met (You looked like Christmas morning, he tells her), while living separate lives under the same roof, their marriage a power-struggle at a hopeless impasse, their communication, surly silence punctuated by nit-picking and pot shots.
When they dance the tango (the dance that symbolizes marriage if ever there was one), he slams her up against a wall, and she asks, “Satisfied?” “Not for years,” he replies. (See trailer here.) Then he hurls his knife into the wall.
You will roar, if you have your sense of humor about you, at his reaction when she tells him to turn left. Even when his life depends upon it, he won’t be told what to do. Shortly thereafter they botch up, apologize simultaneously and infuriate themselves further. Neither can win. They can’t quit the contest. “It’s my fault.” “No, it’s MY fault.”
Ultimately, they have to join forces in order to survive and at this point, they start leveling with each other and get honest. They get at what’s really bugging them, which isn’t the bad meals she doesn’t cook; it’s the lies and half-lies. Jane admits the person who showed up at the wedding to give her away wasn’t her father but a paid actor. John admits to having been married before.
Incredulous, Jane, the professional assassin, asks, “What’s her name and social security number?” and John replies, “No, you’re not going to kill her.”
They work through their relationship problems the way we all have to – dodging bullets and crawling around in a speeding car. How many “discussions” have you had with your partner while dodging bullets from in-laws, taking his/her call at work at the worst possible time, cleaning toilets, paying bills, and fighting traffic, while chasing kids and dogs around the house?
This movie is delightfully cathartic – allowing us to recognize, purge and perhaps purify feelings we’re aware of, just barely aware of, or denying. Like “Fatal Attraction,” or “The Lion in Winter,” we experience vicariously the raw emotions that come with intense, intimate relationships -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As Harriet Lerner writes in “The Dance of Connection,” we see how “relentless focusing on an issue that only gets worse feels less like a real sharing of feelings and more like a primitive flow of anxiety going from one person to the other.”
“We need to talk,” he says after she’s tried to run him over with the car, or shoot him, it’s hard to tell there’s so much going on.
Intensity and reactivity feed on each other in a closed-loop as we experience love, passion, aggression, and smoldering fury from a battle we would have to lose, in order to win. It’s satisfying, at the symbolic level, to see John kicking her a couple of times for good measure, and then, when they finally fall to the ground, exhausted, Jane takes one more punch. Most of us are too controlled to even consider this. However, we find other ways.
“Everyone gets married for the wrong reason,” a marriage therapist friend of mine once said, “and to the wrong person. And then you deal with it.” The question is, what do you do when the romance of the century has turned into a negotiated cease-fire?
Like many married couples, Mr. and Mrs. Smith feel it would just be easier to go their separate ways. Then, because it’s a fairytale, of the Grimm sort, danger comes their way and unites them. They turn and fight the world instead of fighting each other, in order to stay alive. In the process, they get real with one another; that is, they start feeling again. We are our emotions, and you can’t stuff one down without stuffing them all down.
The marvelously superficial and one-dimensional suburbanite characters Mr. and Mrs. Smith meet on their journey are a great foil for this authenticity. One of the best scenes is when John is running around the exterior of the house fighting for his life, and the dog-walking clueless neighbor tells him his car is blocking the sidewalk. Got a neighbor like this? A boss? A friend?
It’s a story of boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love and get married. 5 years later (or six) the lies and unresolved conflicts have killed the relationship, and are then played out externally, as Mr. and Mrs. Smith try to kill one another. In this case, literally.
Can love survive? If so, what does it take? Be prepared for a little myth, a little allegory, as our hero and heroine shed some light on human nature, and those two odd bedfellows, love and aggression, that are part of our relationships, and part of life.
"Ever feel like you want to kill your partner over the littlest thing at one moment and you can't live without them the next?" wrote Mandy on yahoo movies. Ever want to take out their former spouse?
It's all about knowing and managing emotions. Call for EQ coaching - 210-496-0678, or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .
According to one review, “John and Jane Smith are a happily married couple who work as assassins for rival firms.” Another reviewer considers it two movies in one, the first, “a sly comedy/thriller worthy of Hitchcock,” and the other, “a big noisy summer action flick.”
I agree it’s two movies, but I’d merge the action-thriller-comedy together, and suggest it’s also one of the best allegories for marriage I’ve ever seen.
Who ARE those people? They’re Every Married Couple … after the honeymoon’s over.
They’re not “happily” married – the movie begins with them in a marriage therapist’s office – but married they are, and the more you’ve been married, the more you’ll laugh your head off, so you don’t bang it against a wall at the impossible sly comedy/thriller, noisy action imbroglio a marriage can be. The young may take it at face value. The older and wiser will see the wolf’s head under Granny’s nightie – the fight and struggle that’s part of marriage, and part of life.
In the shrink’s office, John typically speaks for the two of them, saying they’ve been married 5 years. Jane corrects that it’s “6”. The script is peppered with the sort of bickering and snipes you hear from the disgruntled, long-married couples you unfortunately find yourself seated with on a cruise. Jane accidentally sticks a knife in John’s leg and he says, “We’ll talk about this later.” Jane mouths off to him in front of their hostage, and John growls, “It would be better not to demean me in front of the hostage.”
They are assassins, and shortly after the film begins, they discover they’re going to have to kill each other in order to survive. Imagine that. As Eddie, one of the marvelous side characters, says, in bolstering John to do the deed:
Eddie: "This broad is not your wife; she's the enemy.
John: "She tried to kill me."
Eddie: "They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly. How you going to handle it?"
Who ARE these people? An equally-matched married couple going through some of the predictable stages of married life. They remember when they met (You looked like Christmas morning, he tells her), while living separate lives under the same roof, their marriage a power-struggle at a hopeless impasse, their communication, surly silence punctuated by nit-picking and pot shots.
When they dance the tango (the dance that symbolizes marriage if ever there was one), he slams her up against a wall, and she asks, “Satisfied?” “Not for years,” he replies. (See trailer here.) Then he hurls his knife into the wall.
You will roar, if you have your sense of humor about you, at his reaction when she tells him to turn left. Even when his life depends upon it, he won’t be told what to do. Shortly thereafter they botch up, apologize simultaneously and infuriate themselves further. Neither can win. They can’t quit the contest. “It’s my fault.” “No, it’s MY fault.”
Ultimately, they have to join forces in order to survive and at this point, they start leveling with each other and get honest. They get at what’s really bugging them, which isn’t the bad meals she doesn’t cook; it’s the lies and half-lies. Jane admits the person who showed up at the wedding to give her away wasn’t her father but a paid actor. John admits to having been married before.
Incredulous, Jane, the professional assassin, asks, “What’s her name and social security number?” and John replies, “No, you’re not going to kill her.”
They work through their relationship problems the way we all have to – dodging bullets and crawling around in a speeding car. How many “discussions” have you had with your partner while dodging bullets from in-laws, taking his/her call at work at the worst possible time, cleaning toilets, paying bills, and fighting traffic, while chasing kids and dogs around the house?
This movie is delightfully cathartic – allowing us to recognize, purge and perhaps purify feelings we’re aware of, just barely aware of, or denying. Like “Fatal Attraction,” or “The Lion in Winter,” we experience vicariously the raw emotions that come with intense, intimate relationships -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As Harriet Lerner writes in “The Dance of Connection,” we see how “relentless focusing on an issue that only gets worse feels less like a real sharing of feelings and more like a primitive flow of anxiety going from one person to the other.”
“We need to talk,” he says after she’s tried to run him over with the car, or shoot him, it’s hard to tell there’s so much going on.
Intensity and reactivity feed on each other in a closed-loop as we experience love, passion, aggression, and smoldering fury from a battle we would have to lose, in order to win. It’s satisfying, at the symbolic level, to see John kicking her a couple of times for good measure, and then, when they finally fall to the ground, exhausted, Jane takes one more punch. Most of us are too controlled to even consider this. However, we find other ways.
“Everyone gets married for the wrong reason,” a marriage therapist friend of mine once said, “and to the wrong person. And then you deal with it.” The question is, what do you do when the romance of the century has turned into a negotiated cease-fire?
Like many married couples, Mr. and Mrs. Smith feel it would just be easier to go their separate ways. Then, because it’s a fairytale, of the Grimm sort, danger comes their way and unites them. They turn and fight the world instead of fighting each other, in order to stay alive. In the process, they get real with one another; that is, they start feeling again. We are our emotions, and you can’t stuff one down without stuffing them all down.
The marvelously superficial and one-dimensional suburbanite characters Mr. and Mrs. Smith meet on their journey are a great foil for this authenticity. One of the best scenes is when John is running around the exterior of the house fighting for his life, and the dog-walking clueless neighbor tells him his car is blocking the sidewalk. Got a neighbor like this? A boss? A friend?
It’s a story of boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love and get married. 5 years later (or six) the lies and unresolved conflicts have killed the relationship, and are then played out externally, as Mr. and Mrs. Smith try to kill one another. In this case, literally.
Can love survive? If so, what does it take? Be prepared for a little myth, a little allegory, as our hero and heroine shed some light on human nature, and those two odd bedfellows, love and aggression, that are part of our relationships, and part of life.
"Ever feel like you want to kill your partner over the littlest thing at one moment and you can't live without them the next?" wrote Mandy on yahoo movies. Ever want to take out their former spouse?
It's all about knowing and managing emotions. Call for EQ coaching - 210-496-0678, or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Distorted Thinking/Not High EQ
>A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going
>by. He gets nto the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
>You're just ike Moishe."
>
>Passenger: "Who?"
>
>Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right.
>Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have
>happened like that to Moishe every single time."
>
>Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
>
>Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
>gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He
>sand like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
>you should have heard him play the piano."
>
>Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
>
>Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. He could remember
>everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order
>and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like
>me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
>
>Passenger: "Wow, some guy eh?
>
>Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
>avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
>
>Passenger: "Mmm, not many like that around"
>
>Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
>good; and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong;
>and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
>
>Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
>
>Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
>
>Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
>
>Cabbie: "I married his widow
>by. He gets nto the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
>You're just ike Moishe."
>
>Passenger: "Who?"
>
>Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right.
>Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have
>happened like that to Moishe every single time."
>
>Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
>
>Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
>gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He
>sand like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
>you should have heard him play the piano."
>
>Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
>
>Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. He could remember
>everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order
>and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like
>me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
>
>Passenger: "Wow, some guy eh?
>
>Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
>avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
>
>Passenger: "Mmm, not many like that around"
>
>Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
>good; and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong;
>and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
>
>Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
>
>Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
>
>Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
>
>Cabbie: "I married his widow
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
A story sent by a retired Marine aviator living in Asheville, N. C.
Balad Air Base, north of Baghdad, where they come under attack daily from insurgent rockets, mortars and small arms.
"The Last Full Measure "
The first rule of war is that young men and women die.
The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule.
We had already done around a dozen surgical cases in the morning and the early afternoon. The entire medical staff had a professional meeting to discuss the business of the hospital and the care and treatment of burns. It is not boastful or arrogant when I tell you that some of the best surgeons in the world were present. I have been to many Institutions, and I have been all around the world, and at this point in time, with this level of experience, the best in the world are assembled here at Balad.
LTC Dave S., the Trauma Czar, and a real American hero is present. He has saved more people out here than anyone can imagine. The cast of characters includes two Air Force Academy graduates, Col (s) Joe W. and Maj Max L. When you watch ER on television, the guys on the show are trying to be like Max - cool, methodical, and professional. Max never misses anything on a trauma case because he sees everything on a patient and notes it the same way the great NFL running backs see the entire playing field when they are carrying the ball. Joe is an ENT surgeon who is tenacious, bright, and technically correct every single time- I mean every single time. The guy has a lower tolerance for variance than NASA. LTC (s) Chris C. was the Surgeon of the Day (SOD), and I was the back-up SOD. Everyone else was there and available-as I said the best in the world.
As the meeting was breaking up, the call came in. An American soldier had been injured in an IED blast north of here, and he was in a bad way with head trauma. The specifics were fuzzy, but after three months here, what would need to be done was perfectly clear- the 332 Expeditionary Medical Group readied for battle. All the surgeons started to gravitate toward the PLX which is the surgeons ready room and centrally located midway to the ER, OR, and radiology. The lab personnel checked precious units of blood, and the pharmacy made ready all the medications and drugs we would need for the upcoming fight.
An operating room was cleared, and surgical instruments were laid out, the anesthesia circuits were switched over, and the gasses were checked and rechecked. An anesthesiologist and two nurse anesthetists went over the plan of action as the OR supervisor made the personnel assignments.
In the ER, bags of IV fluids were carefully hung, battery packs were checked, and the ER nursing supervisor looked over the equipment to make sure all was in working order and the back-ups were ready just in case the primaries failed. The radiology techs moved forward in their lead gowns bringing their portable machines like artillery men of old wheeling their cannon into place. Respiratory therapy set the mechanical ventilator, and double checked the oxygen. Gowns, gloves, boots, and masks were donned by those who would be directly in the battle.
All of the resources- medical, mechanical, and technological that America can bring to the war were in place and ready along with the best skill and talent from techs to surgeons. The two neurosurgeons gathered by themselves to plan.
LTC A. is a neurosurgeon who still wears his pilot wings proudly. He used to be a T-38 instructor pilot, and some of the guys he trained to fly are now flying F-16s right here at Balad. He is good with his hands and calm under pressure. The other neurosurgeon is Maj W. a gem of a surgeon who could play the guitar professionally if he was not dedicated to saving lives. A long time ago, at a place on the other side of the world called Oklahoma, I operated on his little brother after a car accident and helped to save his life.
The two neurosurgeons, Chris, and I joined for the briefing. Although, I was the ranking officer of the group, Chris was the SOD and would be the flight lead. If this was a fighter sweep, all three of those guys would be Weapons School Patch wearers. The plan was for me and the ER folks to assess, treat, and stabilize the patient as rapidly as possible to get the guy into the hands of the neurosurgeons. The intel was that this was an IED blast, and those rarely come with a single, isolated injury. It makes no sense to save the guy's brain if you have not saved the heart pump that brings the oxygenated blood to the brain. With this kind of trauma, you must be deliberate and methodical, and you must be deliberate and methodical in a pretty damn big hurry.
All was ready, and we did not have to wait very long.
The approaching rotors of a Blackhawk were heard, and Chris and I moved forward to the ER followed by several sets of surgeons' eyes as we went. We have also learned not to clog up the ER with surgeons giving orders. One guy runs the code, and the rest follow his instructions or stay out the way until they are needed. They wheeled the soldier into the ER on a NATO gurney shortly after the chopper touched down. One look at the PJs' faces told me that the situation was grim. Their young faces were drawn and tight, and they moved with a sense of directed urgency. They did not even need to speak because the look in their eyes was pleading with us- hurry. And hurry we did. In a flurry of activity that would seem like chaos to the uninitiated, many things happened simultaneously.
Max and I received the patient as Chris watched over the shoulder to pick out anything that might be missed. An initial survey indicated a young soldier with a wound to the head, and several other obvious lacerations on the extremities. Max called out the injuries as they were found, and one of the techs wrote them down. The C-collar was checked, the chest was auscultated as the ET tube was switched to the ventilator.
Chris took the history from the PJs because the patient was not conscious. All the wounds were examined and the dressings were removed except for the one on the head. The patient was rolled on to his side while his neck was stabilized by my hands, and Max examined the backside from the toes to the head. When we rolled the patient back over, it was onto an X-ray plate that would allow us to take the chest X-Ray immediately. The first set of vitals revealed a low blood pressure; fluid would need to be given, and it appeared as though the peripheral vascular system was on the verge of collapse. I called the move as experienced hands rolled him again for the final survey of the back and flanks and the X-Ray plate was removed and sent for development.
As we positioned him for the next part of the trauma examination, I noted that the hands that were laid on this young man were Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, American Indian, Australian, Army, Air Force, Marine, Man, Woman, Young, and Older. A true cross section of our effort here in Iraq, but there was not much time to reflect. The patient needed fluid resuscitation fast, and there were other things yet to be done. Chris watched the initial survey and the secondary survey with a situational awareness that comes from competence and experience. Chris is never flustered, never out of ideas, and his pulse is never above fifty. With a steady, calm, and re-assuring voice, he directed the next steps to be taken. I moved down to the chest to start a central line, Max began an ultrasonic evaluation of the abdomen and pelvis. The X-rays and ultrasound examination were reviewed as I sewed the line in place, and it was clear to Chris that the young soldier's head was the only apparent life threatening injury. The two neurosurgeons came forward, and removed the gauze covering the soldier's wounded head, and everyone's heart sank as we saw the blossom of red blood spreading out from shredded white and grey matter of the brain. Experience, told all the surgeons present, that there was no way to survive the injury, and this was one battle the Medical group was going to lose. But he was American, and it was not time to quit, yet. Gentle pressure was applied over the wound, and the patient went directly to the CT scanner as drugs and fluids were pumped into the line to keep his heart and lungs functioning in a fading hope to restore the brain. The time elapsed from his arrival in the ER to the time he was in the CT scanner was 5 minutes. The CT scan confirmed what we had feared. The wounds to the brain were horrific and mortal, and there was no way on earth to replace the volume of tissue that had been blasted away by the explosion. The neurosurgeons looked at the scan, they looked at the scan a second time, and then they re-examined the patient to confirm once again. The OR crew waited anxiously outside the doors of radiology in the hope they would be utilized, but Chris, LTCs A and S., and Maj W. all agreed. There was no brain activity whatsoever. The chaplain came to pray, and reluctantly, the vent was turned from full mechanical ventilation to flow by. He had no hint of respiratory activity, his heart that had beat so strong early in the day ceased to beat forever, and he was pronounced dead. The pumps were turned off; the machines were stopped, and the IVs were discontinued. Respectful quiet remained, and it was time to get ready for the next round of casualties. The techs and nurses gently moved the body over to the back of the ER to await mortuary services. And everyone agreed there was nothing more we could have done.
When it was quiet, there was time to really look at the young soldier and see him as he was. Young, probably in his late teens, with not an ounce of fat anywhere. His muscles were powerful and well defined, and in death, his face was pleasant, and calm. I am always surprised that anyone still has tears to shed here at Balad, but thank God they still do. The nurses and techs continued to care for him and do what they could. Not all the tubes and catheters can be removed because there is always a forensic investigation to be done at Dover AFB, but the nurses took out the lines they could. Fresh bandages were placed over the wounds, and the blood clots were washed from his hair as his wound was covered once more. His hands and feet were washed with care. A broken toenail was trimmed, and he was silently placed in the body bag when mortuary services arrived as gently as if they were tucking him into bed. Later that night was Patriot Detail- our last goodbye for an American hero. All the volunteers gathered at Base Ops after midnight under a three -quarter moon that was partially hidden by high, thin clouds. There was only silence as the Chief Master Sergeant gave the Detail its instructions. Soldiers, Airmen, and Marines, Colonels, Privates, and Sergeants, pilots, gunners, mechanics, surgeons, and clerks all marched out side by side to the back of the waiting transport, and presently, the flag draped coffin was carried through the cordon as military salutes were rendered. The Detail marched back from the flightline, and slowly the doors of the big transport were secured. The chaplain offered prayers for anyone who wanted to participate, and then the group broke up as the people started to move away into the darkness. The big engines on the transport fired up, and the ground rumbled for miles as they took the runway. His duty was done- he had given the last full measure, and he was on his way home.
The first rule of war is that young men and women die. The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule. I think the third rule of war should be that those who have given their all for our freedom are never forgotten, and they are always honored. I wish there was not a war, and I wish our young people did not have to fight and die. But I cannot wish away evil men like Bin Laden and al-Zarqawi. These men are not wayward children who have gone astray; they are not great men who are simply misunderstood. These are cold blooded killers and they will kill you, me, and everyone we love and hold dear if we do not kill them first. You cannot reason with these people, you cannot negotiate with these people, and this war will not be over until they are dead. That is the ugly, awful, and brutal truth. I wish the situation was different, but it is not. Americans have two choices. They can run from the threat, deny it exists, candy coat it, debate it, and hope it goes away. And then, Americans will be fair game around the world and slaughtered by the thousands for the sheep they have become. Our second choice is to crush these evil men where they live and have the political will and courage to finish what we came over here to do. The last thing we need here in Iraq is an exit strategy or some damn timetable for withdrawal. Thank God there was no timetable for withdrawal after the Battle of the Bulge or Iwo Jima. Thank God there was no exit strategy at Valley Forge. Freedom is not easy, and it comes with a terrible price- I saw the bill here yesterday. The third rule of war should be that we never forget the sacrifices made by our young men and women, and we always honor them. We honor them by finishing what they came to accomplish. We remember them by never quitting and having the backbone and the guts to never bend to the yoke of oppression. We honor them and remember them by having the courage to live free.
"The Last Full Measure "
The first rule of war is that young men and women die.
The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule.
We had already done around a dozen surgical cases in the morning and the early afternoon. The entire medical staff had a professional meeting to discuss the business of the hospital and the care and treatment of burns. It is not boastful or arrogant when I tell you that some of the best surgeons in the world were present. I have been to many Institutions, and I have been all around the world, and at this point in time, with this level of experience, the best in the world are assembled here at Balad.
LTC Dave S., the Trauma Czar, and a real American hero is present. He has saved more people out here than anyone can imagine. The cast of characters includes two Air Force Academy graduates, Col (s) Joe W. and Maj Max L. When you watch ER on television, the guys on the show are trying to be like Max - cool, methodical, and professional. Max never misses anything on a trauma case because he sees everything on a patient and notes it the same way the great NFL running backs see the entire playing field when they are carrying the ball. Joe is an ENT surgeon who is tenacious, bright, and technically correct every single time- I mean every single time. The guy has a lower tolerance for variance than NASA. LTC (s) Chris C. was the Surgeon of the Day (SOD), and I was the back-up SOD. Everyone else was there and available-as I said the best in the world.
As the meeting was breaking up, the call came in. An American soldier had been injured in an IED blast north of here, and he was in a bad way with head trauma. The specifics were fuzzy, but after three months here, what would need to be done was perfectly clear- the 332 Expeditionary Medical Group readied for battle. All the surgeons started to gravitate toward the PLX which is the surgeons ready room and centrally located midway to the ER, OR, and radiology. The lab personnel checked precious units of blood, and the pharmacy made ready all the medications and drugs we would need for the upcoming fight.
An operating room was cleared, and surgical instruments were laid out, the anesthesia circuits were switched over, and the gasses were checked and rechecked. An anesthesiologist and two nurse anesthetists went over the plan of action as the OR supervisor made the personnel assignments.
In the ER, bags of IV fluids were carefully hung, battery packs were checked, and the ER nursing supervisor looked over the equipment to make sure all was in working order and the back-ups were ready just in case the primaries failed. The radiology techs moved forward in their lead gowns bringing their portable machines like artillery men of old wheeling their cannon into place. Respiratory therapy set the mechanical ventilator, and double checked the oxygen. Gowns, gloves, boots, and masks were donned by those who would be directly in the battle.
All of the resources- medical, mechanical, and technological that America can bring to the war were in place and ready along with the best skill and talent from techs to surgeons. The two neurosurgeons gathered by themselves to plan.
LTC A. is a neurosurgeon who still wears his pilot wings proudly. He used to be a T-38 instructor pilot, and some of the guys he trained to fly are now flying F-16s right here at Balad. He is good with his hands and calm under pressure. The other neurosurgeon is Maj W. a gem of a surgeon who could play the guitar professionally if he was not dedicated to saving lives. A long time ago, at a place on the other side of the world called Oklahoma, I operated on his little brother after a car accident and helped to save his life.
The two neurosurgeons, Chris, and I joined for the briefing. Although, I was the ranking officer of the group, Chris was the SOD and would be the flight lead. If this was a fighter sweep, all three of those guys would be Weapons School Patch wearers. The plan was for me and the ER folks to assess, treat, and stabilize the patient as rapidly as possible to get the guy into the hands of the neurosurgeons. The intel was that this was an IED blast, and those rarely come with a single, isolated injury. It makes no sense to save the guy's brain if you have not saved the heart pump that brings the oxygenated blood to the brain. With this kind of trauma, you must be deliberate and methodical, and you must be deliberate and methodical in a pretty damn big hurry.
All was ready, and we did not have to wait very long.
The approaching rotors of a Blackhawk were heard, and Chris and I moved forward to the ER followed by several sets of surgeons' eyes as we went. We have also learned not to clog up the ER with surgeons giving orders. One guy runs the code, and the rest follow his instructions or stay out the way until they are needed. They wheeled the soldier into the ER on a NATO gurney shortly after the chopper touched down. One look at the PJs' faces told me that the situation was grim. Their young faces were drawn and tight, and they moved with a sense of directed urgency. They did not even need to speak because the look in their eyes was pleading with us- hurry. And hurry we did. In a flurry of activity that would seem like chaos to the uninitiated, many things happened simultaneously.
Max and I received the patient as Chris watched over the shoulder to pick out anything that might be missed. An initial survey indicated a young soldier with a wound to the head, and several other obvious lacerations on the extremities. Max called out the injuries as they were found, and one of the techs wrote them down. The C-collar was checked, the chest was auscultated as the ET tube was switched to the ventilator.
Chris took the history from the PJs because the patient was not conscious. All the wounds were examined and the dressings were removed except for the one on the head. The patient was rolled on to his side while his neck was stabilized by my hands, and Max examined the backside from the toes to the head. When we rolled the patient back over, it was onto an X-ray plate that would allow us to take the chest X-Ray immediately. The first set of vitals revealed a low blood pressure; fluid would need to be given, and it appeared as though the peripheral vascular system was on the verge of collapse. I called the move as experienced hands rolled him again for the final survey of the back and flanks and the X-Ray plate was removed and sent for development.
As we positioned him for the next part of the trauma examination, I noted that the hands that were laid on this young man were Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, American Indian, Australian, Army, Air Force, Marine, Man, Woman, Young, and Older. A true cross section of our effort here in Iraq, but there was not much time to reflect. The patient needed fluid resuscitation fast, and there were other things yet to be done. Chris watched the initial survey and the secondary survey with a situational awareness that comes from competence and experience. Chris is never flustered, never out of ideas, and his pulse is never above fifty. With a steady, calm, and re-assuring voice, he directed the next steps to be taken. I moved down to the chest to start a central line, Max began an ultrasonic evaluation of the abdomen and pelvis. The X-rays and ultrasound examination were reviewed as I sewed the line in place, and it was clear to Chris that the young soldier's head was the only apparent life threatening injury. The two neurosurgeons came forward, and removed the gauze covering the soldier's wounded head, and everyone's heart sank as we saw the blossom of red blood spreading out from shredded white and grey matter of the brain. Experience, told all the surgeons present, that there was no way to survive the injury, and this was one battle the Medical group was going to lose. But he was American, and it was not time to quit, yet. Gentle pressure was applied over the wound, and the patient went directly to the CT scanner as drugs and fluids were pumped into the line to keep his heart and lungs functioning in a fading hope to restore the brain. The time elapsed from his arrival in the ER to the time he was in the CT scanner was 5 minutes. The CT scan confirmed what we had feared. The wounds to the brain were horrific and mortal, and there was no way on earth to replace the volume of tissue that had been blasted away by the explosion. The neurosurgeons looked at the scan, they looked at the scan a second time, and then they re-examined the patient to confirm once again. The OR crew waited anxiously outside the doors of radiology in the hope they would be utilized, but Chris, LTCs A and S., and Maj W. all agreed. There was no brain activity whatsoever. The chaplain came to pray, and reluctantly, the vent was turned from full mechanical ventilation to flow by. He had no hint of respiratory activity, his heart that had beat so strong early in the day ceased to beat forever, and he was pronounced dead. The pumps were turned off; the machines were stopped, and the IVs were discontinued. Respectful quiet remained, and it was time to get ready for the next round of casualties. The techs and nurses gently moved the body over to the back of the ER to await mortuary services. And everyone agreed there was nothing more we could have done.
When it was quiet, there was time to really look at the young soldier and see him as he was. Young, probably in his late teens, with not an ounce of fat anywhere. His muscles were powerful and well defined, and in death, his face was pleasant, and calm. I am always surprised that anyone still has tears to shed here at Balad, but thank God they still do. The nurses and techs continued to care for him and do what they could. Not all the tubes and catheters can be removed because there is always a forensic investigation to be done at Dover AFB, but the nurses took out the lines they could. Fresh bandages were placed over the wounds, and the blood clots were washed from his hair as his wound was covered once more. His hands and feet were washed with care. A broken toenail was trimmed, and he was silently placed in the body bag when mortuary services arrived as gently as if they were tucking him into bed. Later that night was Patriot Detail- our last goodbye for an American hero. All the volunteers gathered at Base Ops after midnight under a three -quarter moon that was partially hidden by high, thin clouds. There was only silence as the Chief Master Sergeant gave the Detail its instructions. Soldiers, Airmen, and Marines, Colonels, Privates, and Sergeants, pilots, gunners, mechanics, surgeons, and clerks all marched out side by side to the back of the waiting transport, and presently, the flag draped coffin was carried through the cordon as military salutes were rendered. The Detail marched back from the flightline, and slowly the doors of the big transport were secured. The chaplain offered prayers for anyone who wanted to participate, and then the group broke up as the people started to move away into the darkness. The big engines on the transport fired up, and the ground rumbled for miles as they took the runway. His duty was done- he had given the last full measure, and he was on his way home.
The first rule of war is that young men and women die. The second rule of war is that surgeons cannot change the first rule. I think the third rule of war should be that those who have given their all for our freedom are never forgotten, and they are always honored. I wish there was not a war, and I wish our young people did not have to fight and die. But I cannot wish away evil men like Bin Laden and al-Zarqawi. These men are not wayward children who have gone astray; they are not great men who are simply misunderstood. These are cold blooded killers and they will kill you, me, and everyone we love and hold dear if we do not kill them first. You cannot reason with these people, you cannot negotiate with these people, and this war will not be over until they are dead. That is the ugly, awful, and brutal truth. I wish the situation was different, but it is not. Americans have two choices. They can run from the threat, deny it exists, candy coat it, debate it, and hope it goes away. And then, Americans will be fair game around the world and slaughtered by the thousands for the sheep they have become. Our second choice is to crush these evil men where they live and have the political will and courage to finish what we came over here to do. The last thing we need here in Iraq is an exit strategy or some damn timetable for withdrawal. Thank God there was no timetable for withdrawal after the Battle of the Bulge or Iwo Jima. Thank God there was no exit strategy at Valley Forge. Freedom is not easy, and it comes with a terrible price- I saw the bill here yesterday. The third rule of war should be that we never forget the sacrifices made by our young men and women, and we always honor them. We honor them by finishing what they came to accomplish. We remember them by never quitting and having the backbone and the guts to never bend to the yoke of oppression. We honor them and remember them by having the courage to live free.
Monday, June 13, 2005
The Top 10 Things They've Said about Emotional Intelligence
by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
This article is currently featured on the worryclub blogpot
1. "If you want to know what will make an oustanding performer, don't look at IQ scores or specific technical skills. Look at the people who are the stars and see the abilities they exhibit that aren't found in people who are mediocre." Richard Boyatzis, prof and dept chair at Weatherhead School of Management, Case Western Reserve University
2. In 1997, the EQI was administered to 1,200 staff Air Force recruiters. The highest performers outscored the lowest in 14 of the 15 EQI (an emotional intelligence assessment tool) competencies."
3. "Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough. Only through managing our emotions can we access our intellect and our technical competence. An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure." Doug Lennick, executive VP of American Express Financial Advisors
4. A growing number of organizatrion are now convinced that people's ability to understand and manage their emotions improves their performance, their collaboration with colleague, and their interaction with customers." Tony Schwartz, author of "How Do You Feel?"
5. To measure emotional intelligence is to measure one's ability to cope with daily situations and to get along in the world. I've conceptualized emotional intelligence as another way of getting at human effectiveness." Reuven Bar-On. Ph.D.
6. My simple -- almost simplistic - question in the beginning was, 'Are there factors that determine one's ability to be effective in life?' Very quickly, I saw that people can have very high IQs, but not succeed. I became interested in the basic differences between people who are more or less emotionally and socially effective in various parts of their lives - in their families, with their partners, in the workplace - and those who aren't." Reuven Bar-On
7. The majority of those we work with are very cognitive and not very experienced with emotions. We're introducing people to a whole new language." Darryl Grigg, psychologist
8. When I sorted out [research results], EQ abilities were twice as important as anything else in distinguishing stars from average performers. And the higher you go in an organization, the more they matter." Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.
9. "It also prompts a shift in perspective. They come out seeing the world differently. For men, who are often talking about emotions for the first time, it opens a window. They finally understand what their mothers and sisters and wives have been talking about all these years when they say, 'You don't communicate with me,' and 'You never tell me what you're feeling.' For women, it's often their first confirmation that qualities like self-awareness and empathy can really make a positive difference in the workplace."Kate Cannon
10. "How come it's all about women and children?" -Business executive taking my EQ Foundation Course (It isn't, it's about emotions)
It's also interesting to note what research using the Eqidis covered regarding substance abuse and spousal abuse. One researcher found that substance abusers in his study had deficits in problem-solving, social responsibility, and stress tolerance. Spouse abusers, on the others hand, suffered from low empathy, poor impulse control, and an inflated sense of self-regard. Interesting.
© Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Susan is the author of "The 14th Step," about substance abuse, and other books about EQ. She offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professinal success. Email her for free ezine,sdunn@susandunn.cc or coaching.
This article is currently featured on the worryclub blogpot
1. "If you want to know what will make an oustanding performer, don't look at IQ scores or specific technical skills. Look at the people who are the stars and see the abilities they exhibit that aren't found in people who are mediocre." Richard Boyatzis, prof and dept chair at Weatherhead School of Management, Case Western Reserve University
2. In 1997, the EQI was administered to 1,200 staff Air Force recruiters. The highest performers outscored the lowest in 14 of the 15 EQI (an emotional intelligence assessment tool) competencies."
3. "Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough. Only through managing our emotions can we access our intellect and our technical competence. An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure." Doug Lennick, executive VP of American Express Financial Advisors
4. A growing number of organizatrion are now convinced that people's ability to understand and manage their emotions improves their performance, their collaboration with colleague, and their interaction with customers." Tony Schwartz, author of "How Do You Feel?"
5. To measure emotional intelligence is to measure one's ability to cope with daily situations and to get along in the world. I've conceptualized emotional intelligence as another way of getting at human effectiveness." Reuven Bar-On. Ph.D.
6. My simple -- almost simplistic - question in the beginning was, 'Are there factors that determine one's ability to be effective in life?' Very quickly, I saw that people can have very high IQs, but not succeed. I became interested in the basic differences between people who are more or less emotionally and socially effective in various parts of their lives - in their families, with their partners, in the workplace - and those who aren't." Reuven Bar-On
7. The majority of those we work with are very cognitive and not very experienced with emotions. We're introducing people to a whole new language." Darryl Grigg, psychologist
8. When I sorted out [research results], EQ abilities were twice as important as anything else in distinguishing stars from average performers. And the higher you go in an organization, the more they matter." Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.
9. "It also prompts a shift in perspective. They come out seeing the world differently. For men, who are often talking about emotions for the first time, it opens a window. They finally understand what their mothers and sisters and wives have been talking about all these years when they say, 'You don't communicate with me,' and 'You never tell me what you're feeling.' For women, it's often their first confirmation that qualities like self-awareness and empathy can really make a positive difference in the workplace."Kate Cannon
10. "How come it's all about women and children?" -Business executive taking my EQ Foundation Course (It isn't, it's about emotions)
It's also interesting to note what research using the Eqidis covered regarding substance abuse and spousal abuse. One researcher found that substance abusers in his study had deficits in problem-solving, social responsibility, and stress tolerance. Spouse abusers, on the others hand, suffered from low empathy, poor impulse control, and an inflated sense of self-regard. Interesting.
© Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach. Susan is the author of "The 14th Step," about substance abuse, and other books about EQ. She offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professinal success. Email her for free ezine,sdunn@susandunn.cc or coaching.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A Healing Film
Take a look at "Fragile" - a beautiful 6 minute film. It is about comfort and consolation.
Synopsis:
A psychological journey into a young child's mind faced with the death of his older sibling. Through abstract fantasies, he re-experiences the happy playtime once shared with his brother. When the two are forcefully separated, the child must overcome the power of self-blame that he inevitably casts upon himself.
Key Considerations in Making the Film:
With Fragile, I wanted to create a film which explored death from a perspective that people are not used to seeing. I thought it would be interesting to view it through the mind of a four-year old, a child who is not yet intellectually developed enough to understand the mystery, or even to communicate his thoughts on the matter. I feel the film is interesting for all ages because none of us truly understand death and this film helps to remind us how lost we are without each other.
Artist's Statement
Fragile is a story about comfort and consolation. I hope the film will truly touch those who faced loss at a very young age and can remember, however vaguely it may be, how saddened and lonely he or she felt at the time. I feel that its quiet temperament and lack of dialogue erases all preconceptions about death and truly reaches the heart of those who watch it. Since everyone faces death, there is a point in each of our lives when we feel as lonely and helpless as a small child, and it is to this mindstate that I hope Fragile will speak loudest.
Incredibly, the write up on amazon.com does not include the artist's name, but it's on the credits.
If you can't make the link work, past this in your browser:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/film-festival/screening-room.html/102-7723381-5042504?%5Fencoding=UTF8&rate=0&moreFilmsTab=0&movieID=9991
Synopsis:
A psychological journey into a young child's mind faced with the death of his older sibling. Through abstract fantasies, he re-experiences the happy playtime once shared with his brother. When the two are forcefully separated, the child must overcome the power of self-blame that he inevitably casts upon himself.
Key Considerations in Making the Film:
With Fragile, I wanted to create a film which explored death from a perspective that people are not used to seeing. I thought it would be interesting to view it through the mind of a four-year old, a child who is not yet intellectually developed enough to understand the mystery, or even to communicate his thoughts on the matter. I feel the film is interesting for all ages because none of us truly understand death and this film helps to remind us how lost we are without each other.
Artist's Statement
Fragile is a story about comfort and consolation. I hope the film will truly touch those who faced loss at a very young age and can remember, however vaguely it may be, how saddened and lonely he or she felt at the time. I feel that its quiet temperament and lack of dialogue erases all preconceptions about death and truly reaches the heart of those who watch it. Since everyone faces death, there is a point in each of our lives when we feel as lonely and helpless as a small child, and it is to this mindstate that I hope Fragile will speak loudest.
Incredibly, the write up on amazon.com does not include the artist's name, but it's on the credits.
If you can't make the link work, past this in your browser:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/film-festival/screening-room.html/102-7723381-5042504?%5Fencoding=UTF8&rate=0&moreFilmsTab=0&movieID=9991
Saturday, June 04, 2005
A Blending of the Brains
Check out the winners of Princeton's first "The Art of Science" competition. Be sure and enlarge the photos. They are incredible.
Here's the entry from the English major:
Knowledge is Beautiful- A series depicting some of history's great scientific minds with the seductive physical draw that their minds hold for us intellectually... a recollection of Blaise Pascal's "Clarity of mind is clarity of passion." We practice science because we love it. So, too, do we practice art...
She adds: "The figures are given male heads and female bodies in part to appropriate the old Platonic notion that divides "Mother" Nature (wild, sensual, unpredictable) and "Father" Science (logic and linearity). Contemporary investigation, criticism, and mixing between different sciences and spheres (History of Science, astrobiology, and so on) is opening those borders to new fields of analysis. The imagery also interrogates the traditional male-centeredness of science, and looks to an opening world in which science is performed by, and for, all of humanity rather than a restricted category or sex."
EQ-wise ... we have the emotions v. logic and linearity. Yet again.
Here's the entry from the English major:
Knowledge is Beautiful- A series depicting some of history's great scientific minds with the seductive physical draw that their minds hold for us intellectually... a recollection of Blaise Pascal's "Clarity of mind is clarity of passion." We practice science because we love it. So, too, do we practice art...
She adds: "The figures are given male heads and female bodies in part to appropriate the old Platonic notion that divides "Mother" Nature (wild, sensual, unpredictable) and "Father" Science (logic and linearity). Contemporary investigation, criticism, and mixing between different sciences and spheres (History of Science, astrobiology, and so on) is opening those borders to new fields of analysis. The imagery also interrogates the traditional male-centeredness of science, and looks to an opening world in which science is performed by, and for, all of humanity rather than a restricted category or sex."
EQ-wise ... we have the emotions v. logic and linearity. Yet again.
Handling Your Emotions
I'm sure you've seen the great videos on some of the sites. This one I'm referring to was actually a Super Bowl commercial and you may have seen it there. Watch this one from the EQ standpoint. If youo're working with a bunch of monkeys, how do you handle the emotional side of it (while getting coaching and looking for a new job)? Emotions are contagious, among human beings, and also mammals (like monkeys). If you work in a business culture where everyone thinks things are funny that you don't, you are going to be uncomfortable. You can work to orient your emotions more with those of the others, if you want to; or look for a "tribe" more to your liking.
It's all about EQ. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching. We do career, relationships, transitions, EQ, Dating over 50, and more.
It's all about EQ. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching. We do career, relationships, transitions, EQ, Dating over 50, and more.
Love in Your Work, Lovin' Your Work
One picture is worth a thousand words. You know that concept of having a passion about your work? Check out this website. This man's spirit is in his work.
P.S. There is a reason why my EQ Foundation Course encompasses art and poetry.
P.S. There is a reason why my EQ Foundation Course encompasses art and poetry.
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