A sad new scam is becoming very prevalent on the Internet - romance scam. Generally the romance scam artists are from Nigeria - though lately from Malaysia as well. They are operating out of Internet cafes, and often correspond with 10-11 woman at a time, hoping to make the kill.
How does this relate to emotional intelligence?
First of all, that you need to have keen instincts when you are dating online. The Nigerian scam artists use the legitimate sites, such as match.com and seniordating.com, and they also will stalk you down on facebook. You can go to DATING COACH BLOG to learn about the common modus operandi. Bad grammar and poor spelling are the first clues (for instance, "I work on the buildings been built). They use the same phrases over and over, one of which is "age is just a mare [sic] number." They also are vague on the details about their supposed hometown (i.e., live in San Antonio, but go blank - get offline when you mention the Alamo). They do not answer your more pressing questions. They often "brb" at important times, or will say that their Internet connection went down. (Either they don't want to answer the question, or they are IMing with another woman/other women). They ask you to go to yahoo IM right away - and yahoo does their best to warn you to be careful who you let chat with you. Read more clues on the Dating Coach Blog.
So, use your INTUITION. If something seems odd, or you get a funny feeling, or something just doesn't seem right, go with your instincts. I've had a lot of experience with this with clients -- sadly -- and can help you ferret out the Nigerian scam artists. And keep Malaysia in mind as well.
Secondly, these Nigerian romance scam artists and Malaysian romance scam artists are psychologically astute. Remember how I've told you that you need to learn EQ because if something can be used against you, you need to know all about it?
They prey on the kind-hearted, the woman who does good deeds, the woman who mentions she is lonely, the woman who says there are no men in her life (to stand by her), the ones who appear a little desperate, and the ones who respond emotionally.
They prey on women who are constantly available -- it's a clue.
They use reassuring phrases all woman want to hear, such as "I'm here for you," "I've got your back," "if XXX happens, just call me," "I will never abandon you," "Call me any time." (Actually they will prefer to place the call, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.
They will peruse your profile and glom on to your interests -- if you're a dog lover, so are they. If you give to charities, that's what they're doing right now.
They are often "engineers" and "project managers," because they know this is a field few women know anything about.
If you say you don't have any money to send them, they will say you are lieing. (You are, and we all hate to be called 'liars'.) They will call you a hypocrite for saying you loved them and not being willing to "help" them.
They will get emotional and put pressure on you, right where you can take it the least.
Knowing you don't trust men, they will give you the names of women to call for verification. These are accomplices, usually in the US, with names like "Candace" and smooth voices.
Nigerian Romance Scammers and Malaysian Romance Scammers -- just another reason to hone up your emotional intelligence.
These guys make their money because they know more about emotional intelligence than their poor victims do! Online dating scams are beoming as prevalent as the email / lottery deals and the Nigerian 419.
Most of all, remember that "if it seems too good to be true," it is. This is a photo often used by scammers (bear in mind the real man in the photograph is not the offender). Now isn't he just too good to be true? He has gone by Gabsy Fisher, John Armstrong,
Mark Braxton, Mike Smith, Scott Smith, Kevin Williams ... and more. (They generally choose very Anglo names.)