Avoid Nigerian and Malaysian Romance Scam Artists Using your Emotional Intelligence

A sad new scam is becoming very prevalent on the Internet - romance scam. Generally the romance scam artists are from Nigeria - though lately from Malaysia as well. They are operating out of Internet cafes, and often correspond with 10-11 woman at a time, hoping to make the kill.

How does this relate to emotional intelligence?

First of all, that you need to have keen instincts when you are dating online. The Nigerian scam artists use the legitimate sites, such as match.com and seniordating.com, and they also will stalk you down on facebook. You can go to DATING COACH BLOG to learn about the common modus operandi. Bad grammar and poor spelling are the first clues (for instance, "I work on the buildings been built). They use the same phrases over and over, one of which is "age is just a mare [sic] number." They also are vague on the details about their supposed hometown (i.e., live in San Antonio, but go blank - get offline when you mention the Alamo). They do not answer your more pressing questions. They often "brb" at important times, or will say that their Internet connection went down. (Either they don't want to answer the question, or they are IMing with another woman/other women). They ask you to go to yahoo IM right away - and yahoo does their best to warn you to be careful who you let chat with you. Read more clues on the Dating Coach Blog.

So, use your INTUITION. If something seems odd, or you get a funny feeling, or something just doesn't seem right, go with your instincts. I've had a lot of experience with this with clients -- sadly -- and can help you ferret out the Nigerian scam artists. And keep Malaysia in mind as well.

Secondly, these Nigerian romance scam artists and Malaysian romance scam artists are psychologically astute. Remember how I've told you that you need to learn EQ because if something can be used against you, you need to know all about it?

They prey on the kind-hearted, the woman who does good deeds, the woman who mentions she is lonely, the woman who says there are no men in her life (to stand by her), the ones who appear a little desperate, and the ones who respond emotionally.

They prey on women who are constantly available -- it's a clue.

They use reassuring phrases all woman want to hear, such as "I'm here for you," "I've got your back," "if XXX happens, just call me," "I will never abandon you," "Call me any time." (Actually they will prefer to place the call, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.

They will peruse your profile and glom on to your interests -- if you're a dog lover, so are they. If you give to charities, that's what they're doing right now.

They are often "engineers" and "project managers," because they know this is a field few women know anything about.

If you say you don't have any money to send them, they will say you are lieing. (You are, and we all hate to be called 'liars'.) They will call you a hypocrite for saying you loved them and not being willing to "help" them.

They will get emotional and put pressure on you, right where you can take it the least.

Knowing you don't trust men, they will give you the names of women to call for verification. These are accomplices, usually in the US, with names like "Candace" and smooth voices.

Nigerian Romance Scammers and Malaysian Romance Scammers -- just another reason to hone up your emotional intelligence.

These guys make their money because they know more about emotional intelligence than their poor victims do! Online dating scams are beoming as prevalent as the email / lottery deals and the Nigerian 419.

Most of all, remember that "if it seems too good to be true," it is. This is a photo often used by scammers (bear in mind the real man in the photograph is not the offender). Now isn't he just too good to be true? He has gone by Gabsy Fisher, John Armstrong,
Mark Braxton, Mike Smith, Scott Smith, Kevin Williams ... and more. (They generally choose very Anglo names.)

Emotional Intelligence, Marriage and Your health

10 Questions to Ask When You're Considering Marrying Someone from the EQ Coach, Susan Dunn

One of Life's Most Emotional Events: The First Date

DATING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


Dating and Emotional Intelligence.

An article on arxlove.com caught my eye. It was titled Emotional Intelligence and Dating and it has some good advice.

The writer talks about the first date. Lets say you met online, then did the email, then moved to telephone, and now it's time to meet him or her in person, for the very first date.

Of course it's an easy time for a flareup of nerves. (Think of it as excitement, not fear, LOL). In fact many of my clients call me just before they leave for a last-minute pump up and it's for sure I'd include the point they make in this article:

"...having higher levels of self awareness and the assurance to take charge of things and correcting yourself before the situation attacks you. THIS is what is called being emotionally intelligent."

You can work yourself up into a case of nerves, or something can happen that makes you upset, or both! I can think of any number of things, I'm sure you can too! A run in the pantyhose, knocking your drink over, spilling salad oil on your sill blouse, forgetting your cell phone and that's how you were to locate each other on the Riverwalk, getting caught in traffic and being late. One of my clients broke the heel of her shoe as she entered the restaurant. Another client's boss kept him late in a meeting and he was a sweaty mess by the time he got to the rendezvou.

So you must know how to recover from these things so that you can make the best self-presentation and give this very important First Date a real chance. In the article the scenario is that she was held up in traffic and late. This was the recommendation:

"In such situations, if you are disturbed by something mentally before meeting your date, it is important to gather yourself and collect your thoughts before facing him. Talk to yourself or take a few deep breaths so that you calm down. Even if he seems a bit annoyed when you meet him, your personality should be such that your assurance and warmth as a person just leaves him awe of you. Giving a genuine smile and a warm hug would have completely distracted him and within no time, your conversation would have hit the pleasant grounds!"

Yes, it's about handling your emotions under stress. And what's more stressful than a first date??!!?? Let me help you with coaching. It's no joke that you make a great showing because The First Date is crucial.

It's also important how you handle your emotions AFTER the first date. Yes, it's sad when there isn't any chemistry there, but it's almost worse when you hit it off! You're head is spimning and you do something like leave your purse on the table, try and exit through the wrong door, babble incoherently, reach to give her a kiss and miss your mark, or, like one client told me happened when the guy she met really fell for her -- he drove off the wrong way down the street and she drove past as a cop was giving him a ticket! Talk about embarassing.

For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-741-7223. Coaching by phone, email, IM or in person (in the Dallas area).

P.S. If you're the kind who starts to babble and say things you wish you weren't let me coach you on some opening lines, conversation starters and other ways to get a leash on it and make a great impression!