Wednesday, November 12, 2008

One of Life's Most Emotional Events: The First Date


Dating and Emotional Intelligence.

An article on caught my eye. It was titled Emotional Intelligence and Dating and it has some good advice.

The writer talks about the first date. Lets say you met online, then did the email, then moved to telephone, and now it's time to meet him or her in person, for the very first date.

Of course it's an easy time for a flareup of nerves. (Think of it as excitement, not fear, LOL). In fact many of my clients call me just before they leave for a last-minute pump up and it's for sure I'd include the point they make in this article:

"...having higher levels of self awareness and the assurance to take charge of things and correcting yourself before the situation attacks you. THIS is what is called being emotionally intelligent."

You can work yourself up into a case of nerves, or something can happen that makes you upset, or both! I can think of any number of things, I'm sure you can too! A run in the pantyhose, knocking your drink over, spilling salad oil on your sill blouse, forgetting your cell phone and that's how you were to locate each other on the Riverwalk, getting caught in traffic and being late. One of my clients broke the heel of her shoe as she entered the restaurant. Another client's boss kept him late in a meeting and he was a sweaty mess by the time he got to the rendezvou.

So you must know how to recover from these things so that you can make the best self-presentation and give this very important First Date a real chance. In the article the scenario is that she was held up in traffic and late. This was the recommendation:

"In such situations, if you are disturbed by something mentally before meeting your date, it is important to gather yourself and collect your thoughts before facing him. Talk to yourself or take a few deep breaths so that you calm down. Even if he seems a bit annoyed when you meet him, your personality should be such that your assurance and warmth as a person just leaves him awe of you. Giving a genuine smile and a warm hug would have completely distracted him and within no time, your conversation would have hit the pleasant grounds!"

Yes, it's about handling your emotions under stress. And what's more stressful than a first date??!!?? Let me help you with coaching. It's no joke that you make a great showing because The First Date is crucial.

It's also important how you handle your emotions AFTER the first date. Yes, it's sad when there isn't any chemistry there, but it's almost worse when you hit it off! You're head is spimning and you do something like leave your purse on the table, try and exit through the wrong door, babble incoherently, reach to give her a kiss and miss your mark, or, like one client told me happened when the guy she met really fell for her -- he drove off the wrong way down the street and she drove past as a cop was giving him a ticket! Talk about embarassing.

For dating coaching, email me at or call me at 817-741-7223. Coaching by phone, email, IM or in person (in the Dallas area).

P.S. If you're the kind who starts to babble and say things you wish you weren't let me coach you on some opening lines, conversation starters and other ways to get a leash on it and make a great impression!

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