How to Communicate with People the Way THEY want

Nonverbal 101

Listen, watch and people will tell you how they want to be treated.



To learn more sign up for the Emotional Intelligence Program. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call 817-741-7223. Take THE EQ COURSE.

From the video:

Self-contained people - cut the schmoozing, cut to the chase, the socializing, get on with it, get to the bottom line. "I want the answer right away."

Open-people - reading, willingly show your thoughts and feelings, whether you want them or not; social 'dancing,'; conversationally, they digress a lot; "which reminds me,"; "their thoughts are like gumballs - they fall to the tongue and roll out"; "What did we talk about?" Make decisions based on emotion, feeling, gut. Time? When I get around to it.

Which way are you?? With emotional intelligence, you have the ability to be either way. But you have a home-base, a "default" mode, a way you're more comfortable.

Indirect people (slower paced than Direct people) - the way they talk, do things in general, make decisions. Indirect, less assertive, more patient, ask (not tell). "Would you like to have a seat?" v. "P.J., some in, sit down, not there, HERE."

Indirect - tremendous inner-driving need not to be wrong. Direct people approach risk and change more rapidly, because they want to deal with it get it done.

Etc. Good stuff. Enjoy!

Medical Care outside the US

In 2007, 750,000 Americans (at least) traveled abroad for medical procedures.

Hip surgery?
Crown? Scaling?

THE DOCTOR IS OUT ... OF THE COUNTRY

Totally unverified, except I know more than a few people who get their dental work done in Mexico. I just talked to another person today who was heading for Mexico to get their crowns. Of course it's a daytrip from here.

Notes from an article - google it, think it over.

INDIA - Ortho - Dr. Vijay Bose, one of world leading ortho surgeons works there

Costa Rica - ortho surgery, spinal surgery, lipo

Mexico - dental work at a fraction of the US price. Day -trip from San Diego or Tx.

Singapore- cancer treatment, spinal surgery, transplants

Thailand - ortho
Check these out with Joint Commission International )JCI_ - or the Intl Society for Quality in Health Care. More than 230 JCI-accredited in 30 countries.

Don't expect your own physician to endorse any of this. Why would they?

On the other hand, don't be stupid.

EXAMPLE: Hip replacement surgery in US - $50,000. In India, including airfare - $12,000

Patients say doctors email them, get more attention from nurses

Oral surgeon told her $30k, got it in Thailand for $9k

Book through a facilitator such as Healthbase or Surgical Trip. Some evidentally will book it, meet you, walk you through it. (Having done the Copper Canyon with our own personal tour guide the entire trip - to Sinaloa and back -- how? Well, in Mexico, you can afford that.

If you've done this let, us know.

The AMA gives a neutral statement. What else could you expect. On this, you will have to be your own judge.

Mirth Mends - Laughter, the Best Medicine

Tough Times Call for ... silliness?

Take a look at this video, which came out during World War II, and recall, if you will some of the other silly songs from that time period, "I With I Were a Widdle Thugar Bun," for instance.



Take a look at this article, Mirth Mends which illuminates all the benefits of laughter, according to the two Bangkok-based psychotherapists who organized weekly laughter-therapy sessions, because they know of the medical benefits.

The sounds of laughter, they say, "come straight from the soul."

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

The act of laughing triggers the release of endorphins, a chemical in the brain that functions as a natural painkiller.

In large amounts, endorphins can create a general sense of well-being.

When we laugh, we must breath more deeply. The extra oxygen we take in purifies our lungs and saturates the bloodstream, eventually re-energising our whole body.

Frequent laughing can strengthen the body's respiratory and pulmonary systems which, in turn, enhances our blood circulation and cardio-vascular system.

Laughing also reinvigorates the body's digestive and gastro-intestinal systems. When you laugh, the intestinal muscles, which may have become stiff, move more vigorously, so the digestive system works better.

Other benefits include better functioning of the dermatological (skin), reproductive and endocrine (hormone) systems, she added.

Laughter is also a great psychological tool.

"A human being is like a car," Dr Jitra says. "After being used for a while, the car runs out of fuel and the tank needs to be refilled. A human being is just like that. After going through some bad moments during the day, we, too, need to be refreshed."

She adds, "In a way I think laughter therapy is a form of spiritual healing. For many people, it's a light at the end of the tunnel."

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A GOOD LAUGH.

Looking for Work?

Over 50 and Looking for Work?
by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach

As a midlife transition career coach, I often encounter clients are are initially afraid they won't get hired because of their age. They've all gotten good jobs, but I decided to verify my experience with some senior HR professionals. Here's what they told me:

Q: Is age an issue?

A1: "Age is never an issue, unless you're talking about an actual physical-labor job."

A2: "Age is never a determining factor, legally, and it's not relevant to common sense or anything else."

A3: "Thinking age is a drawback is screamingly wrong. Especially in software, if you can find someone with 25 years experience, they're gold. The perspective is so mind-bogglingly good when you get a team that's diverse in age."

Q: Is age an asset then?

A: "Age is not a determining factor. Experience, now that's an asset. For any job that requires experience in the industry or market, where it truly matters in making sound decisions and producing quality, experience is an asset."

Q: What kind of jobs are those?

A: "Every job you can think of."

Q: Should you only go back 10 years on your resume?

"Only if you're afraid of looking old."

Q: How many resumes do you get per listing? What gets your attention?

A1: "I get 400-500 resumes for each position I list. From that I'll choose 2-3 clear candidates. I'd give everyone the same advice: ·Apply for jobs you have the capabilities for. ·Write your resume like a newspaper article ' a catchy headline (not jazzy); something that would interest the hirer. ·Put what you are at the top. ·List your technical skills right beneath it and relevant experience, and a summary of your work history. ·Don't fabricate your experience, skills or education. We check.'

A2: "Don't write your life story. If I have to dig for something it's gone."

A3: "Rewrite your resume for every position you apply for."

Q: How best can you present yourself on an interview?

· Clean appearance
· Good communication skills
· Look like you'll be pleasant to work with
· Wear a nice suit that fits
· Come in prepared to meet people for the first time, have a smile on your face ' genuine one, not fake.
· Enjoy yourself, you've made the cut.
· Be enthusiastic.

Q: So once you're in the door, it's the emotional intelligence competencies that count?

A: "Yes. If you're actually called in, it's a matter of not talking them out of hiring you."

Q: Is it a numbers game then?

A: "No, it's the opposite of a numbers game. Apply only for jobs you have the capabilities for. Write a unique resume for each position. Don't just go to monster.com and click 'send resume.' Be selective."

Q: Do you post your positions online?

A: "About 50% of positions are filled through referrals. I post all my positions on www.monster.com. Also they should check www.careerbuilders.com ."

Q: Why do you think there's such concern about age?

A: "I don't know. It's screamingly wrong. Especially in software, if you can find someone with 25 years experience, they're gold. The perspective is so mind-bogglingly good when you get a team that's diverse in age. Look, according to the Age Discrimination & Employment Act, a 'protected older worker' is anyone over 40. Do you have any idea how many people that covers?"

Q: What about negative things in your work history?

A: "The way we look at it in HR is the reason you're here is because something wasn't right where you were. We've all been there. Why is it any worse to have been fired? Don't sugar coat things. I'll ask your reason for leaving and I'll check your references."

A2: "The Texas Truth in Hiring Act says any ex-employer can give any information as long as it's true. So I might ask you former boss, 'Did you fire her?' 'No.' 'Did you ask for her resignation?' 'Yes.' 'Why?' 'Because ....'. I ask the candidate beforehand, 'When I call your references, am I going to hear anything you might consider negative?' and then I listen."

Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, THE EQ COACH, http://www.susandunn.cc. Coaching for all your personal and business needs. EQ coach training and certification. Intensives in the D. C. area. Free ezine. Call 817-734-1471 for coaching.

Oxymoronic Statements

Enjoy!

1. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

2. On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

3. Some people say I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.

4. The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.

5. Prejudiced people are all alike.

6. I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

7. I have my doubts about disbelief.

8. Avoid alliteration..... always.

9. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Avoid cliches like the plague.

12. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

13. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

14. Death to all fanatics !

15. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

16. I always wanted to be a procrastinator.

17. Rehab is for quitters.

18. The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.

19. Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.

20. I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety
in my life.

21. I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

22. Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

23. I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I'm not
sure I believe it.

24. Life is full of uncertainties.... or could I be wrong about that ?

25. Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use
more words than necessary.

26. Always remember you're unique.... just like everyone else.

AND MY FAVORITE__

27. There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and
people who can't.

And I'd like to add
I'm not sure how I feel about ambivalence.

Travel - toil, torture

"Travel" derives from travail, French for "arduous toil." Exactly. Travel is work. Trace the etymology bacak even further and you find the Latin word for "torture." ("The Traveling Curmudgeon")

I don't know about you, but I love a wry sense of humor and a good turn of phrase.

Someone gave me the book, "The Traveling Curmudgeon," before I left for Europe, and I have just laughed and laughed at it. It leaves no stone unturned, and treats so well, the inevitable "surprises" and "disasters" of travel. In fact the preface says it is designed to "explode the myth that travel is some sort of cultural hygiene necessary for mental or spiritual health." "It will liberate you," it says "from the tyranny of the travel / industrial complex."

I travel because I love to. I take the good with the bad. And I love some places other people hate, and everyone hates some place. That having been said, I give you the following. My endeavor is to be impartial, so don't send me cards and letters. The most important thing you must have for travel, as for life, is a sense of humor:

1. "America is a country no one should go to for the first time." (Jawajarlal Nehru)
2. "America: The land of the naive and the home of the literal." (Gore Vidal)
3. "Belgium: Northern Ireland run by the Swiss." (Mark Lawson)
4. "Boston: Clear out 800,000 people and preserve it as a museum piece." (Frank Lloyd Wright)
5. "Brazil has money that inflates like a dead dog in the hot sun." (Clive James)
6. (This one will surprise you, if you know his poem) "Here is the difference between Dante, Milton and me. They wrote about hell and never saw the place. I wrote about Chicago after looking the town over for years and years." (Carl Sandburg)
7. "Realizing that they will never be a world power, the Cypriots have decided to be a world nuisance." (George Mikes)
8. "To define Dallas is to add a whole new humongous dimension to bad." (Molly Ivins)
9. "Dallas reminds me of Hungary." (Karl Lagerfeld)
10. "Delhi is the capital of the losing streak. It is the metropolis of the crossed wire, the missed appointment, the puncture, the wrong number." (Jan Morris)
11. La Jolla: "Nothing but a climate and a lot of meaningless chi-chi." (Raymond Chandler.
12. New York: "If a day goes by and I haven't been slain, I'm happy." (Carol Leifer)
13. Philadelphia: "A metropolis sometimes known as the City of Brotherly Love but more accurately as the City of the Bleak November Afternoon." (S. J. Perelman)
14. Russia: "I never think I'm going to get out of Russia Something about the airport says, 'We are closed for no reason all of a sudden. Try again ... someday.'"
15. "[Seattle is] surrounded by the soft, the gray, and the moist, as if it is being digested by an oyster." (Tom Robbins)
16. "A nation of brilliant failures, the Irish, who are too poetical to be poets." (Max Beerbohm)
17. "No onew can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute." (Paul Gallico)
18. "The German people are an orderly, vain, deeply sentimental, and rather insensitive people. They seem to feel at their best when they are singing in chorus, saluting, or obeying orders." (H. G. Wells)
19. "Eat lettuce in Mexico only if sterilized by a blowtorch." (Benjamin Kean)
20. "Nebraska is proof that Hell is full, and the dead walk the Earth." (Liz Winston)

And my favorite - so broadly-applicable:

Long before I visited Sweden for the first time, I had built up a composite portrait of the average Swede. He was withdrawn and spasmodic, reserved on the surface but explosive beneath it, veering between troughs of depression and fits of abandon. He was a pacifist, a socialist, an alcoholic and a hiker. He swam nude and attempted to commit suidice during the long winters. Like many other popular misconceptions (e.g., that the French are greedy and the Spanish stoic), this turned out to be fairly close to the truth." (Kenneth Tynan)

In England, everything is permitted unless it's forbidden.
In Germany, everything is forbidden unless it's permitted.
In Italy, everything is permitted even if it's forbidden.

The book is "The Traveling Curmudgeon," by Jon Winokur

Lipitor or Love

What works in healing when nothing else does and begins with "L"?

Lipitor.

LOL.



Good quotes

-- Ask your doctor for a reason to take it.
-- Unconditional positive regard
-- The side effects are exactly the same as what we're using it for
-- Software, "hand creak," use movie clips in your teaching
-- Valium suppresses emotion
-- The second cause of heart disease is stress; and hostility is associated with this -- an emotion
-- "Little Miss Sunshine" - what Olive says that heals

P.S. Please note the low level of laughter at the joke, in the medical school audience.

Why Do We Wait?

AS THE SUN SETS ON ANOTHER CHAPTER OF LIFE

I am moving from Dallas to the D. C. area (Falls Church, Virginia). I lived in Dallas only 18 months. I had moved from San Antonio.

Now, demographically, San Antonio and Dallas might as well be on different planets. As I continually told people when I was in Europe, who wanted to know how things were done in "America," or how "Americans" folded their napkins -- there is no such thing as "America," in the sense that they mean. The folding of the napkin, even the existence of the napkin at all, varies widely from Le Batre, Louisiana to Billings, Montana, to Wesport, Connecticut, to Portland, Oregon.

That having been said, generally speaking the farther south you go, and the more toward an ocean, the warmer and gentler things become. Dallas is land-locked smack in the middle of the huge state of Texas. It is "Dutch" - like New York City - established with commerce, business, as the primary focus.

So, back to my story. I've lived here 18 months and moved around. Went to the same stores, restaurants, PO, exercise club. Was greeted peremptorily - everyone greets the customer these days, don't they? I felt not welcome, but not UN-welcome either. Kind of ghost-like. Same with my apartment. Quiet, clean, not much flavor to it, but an easy place to live, an easy place to function from, i.e., "doin' bidness." People looked up and nodded, sometimes said "hello" or "howdy."

Now I am leaving, and there has been occasion to tell the people at the Tetco on the corner, and Mezza Luna, the great Italian restaurant behind the UPS, and my apt. manager, and all of a sudden I have been "noticed." Many have seemed upset and sad I was leaving. I mean, genuinely. They say how much they will miss me. Someone asked my name - for the first time. Some hope that I will return. Nameless for months, I suddenly have a name.

ISo what's my point? I am doing a booklet for a family reunion we are having in D.C., centered around the SEC Historical Society's Anniversary Dinner, because my father, Ray Garrett, Jr. was a former chairman of the SEC. We are privately going to honor him at this public celebration. Within his papers, while doing research for this booklet, I found the following.

In 1971, his father, Ray Garrett, was presented with a major award from the American Bar Association. Ray Garrett Sr. had chaired the committee that revised the Model Business Corporations Act. In the trade it would be said, "he wrote it." This work was finished in the mid- 60s, and Ray, Sr. died in 1969. Revising the Model Corporation Act will always be considered Ray Garrett Sr.'s greatest contribution to the field, and also a great contribution to the field.

Ray Jr. went to receive the posthumous award to his father. A newspaper reporter interviewed him.

Reporter: What do you think about your father getting that award?
Ray Garrett, Jr.: It was nice. It would have been nicer if it had happened when he was alive.

Res ipse loquitur.

That's not in my job description

I have a marble table-top, real marble. Probably travertine. It is 1/2" thick, 2' x 3'. It's a family heirloom and had been sitting on top of a coffee table for years. I'm moving, and I just moved it and was amazed at how heavy it is. I put it on the scale It weighs 50 lbs. Exactly 50 lbs. Isn't that interesting?

Now consider the statue of the Dying Slave (Michelangelo). How much would that weigh?

And consider that you carve a statue by removing marble from a much larger chunk of marble.

I just finished re-reading The Agony and the Ecstasy, about the life and times of Michelangelo, for my trip to Italy. In the book, we learn that at one time, the Pope told Michelangelo to find a new marble quarry (the Carrara people weren't being cooperative), and to do that, Michelangelo had to (himself), BUILD A ROAD to get to the new quarry. Up in the mountains of Italy, with mules, and all that.

And moving something as large as a hunk of marble from which to carve a Dying Slave or a David had to be done -- sometimes -- by inching board under the cart (a strong cart) and moving it just a foot or two at a time. He had to invent his own method as well.

Of course there were generations of stonecutters and quarry workers, but new methods were always needed.

And more about your job description -- Michelangelo was a sculptor. That was his love and what he wanted to do. When the Pope ordered him to paint the Sistine Chapel, he had not done anything prior besides sketches for his statues. But you don't tell the Pope "no," (though he tried to), so he painted the Sistine Chapel. The painting was on the ceiling and he had to invent his own scaffolding and method for getting up there to lie on his back and do something he really didn't want to do, or know how to do--paint the Sistine Chapel.

Memorial Day Tribute

RAY GARRETT, JR. WITH HIS GRANDSON MARSHALL DUNN

Artilleryman digging in their howitzer in Germany in the spring of 1945.

My father, RAY GARRETT, JR. served in the 264th Field Artillery batallion, First Army.

 Helped to liberate Paris
 Was the first to breach the Siegfried Line
 Captured the city of Aachen
 Hodge's army (Dad's 264th)bore the full weight of the German counteroffensive through the Ardennes (December 1944)
 Held the northern portion of the American lines in the ensuing Battle of the Bulge.
 Captured the bridge over the Rhine River at Remagen in March 1945
 Was the first Allied Artillery to cross the Rhine into Germany
 Landed at Omaha Beach 30 days after D-Day
 Eventually got to Munich in Patton's Army

Dad entered at the age of 24 as a Lieutenant. Was promoted to Captain and got the Bronze Star.

We will honor my father at our family table at the SEC Historical Society dinner in June in Washington, D. C. Ray Garrett, Jr. was the 19th chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Lack of EQ leads to poor coping strategies in teens

A lack of emotional intelligence leads to poor coping strategies and seriously increases the likelihood of self-harm in teenagers, claims a study published yesterday, in the British Journal of Clinical Psychology.

See the full article here.

Let me help your teen learn better emotional intelligence. I work with all ages - children, teens, adults, seniors. It's never too early to learn ... or to late. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Darwinius masillae

As we marvel (even google, check it out) at the latest fossil discovery, a very early look at "nature" v. "nurture."

Ray Garrett, Jr. - EQ in Action

RAY GARRETT, JR. - EQ in Action

When Ray Garrett, Jr. was chairman of the SEC, he was asked to give a speech about the SEC and Foreign Issues in the US to Keidanren Kaikan, Otemachi, Tokyo, Japan.

From the speech:

In passing, let me say a word about my use of the words "foreign" or "alien." In many languages, the equivalent of these words has an unfriendly connotation. Indeed, I learned in school that the Latin term for "foreign" was the same as the term for "enemy." English usage also sometimes confuses the two connotations. Unfortunately, in discussing our present topic, I must necessarily refer to companies organized under the laws of Japan and other countries, and investors who are citizens, or at least residents, of Japan or coutnries other than the United States, and the only convenient English words available to express their status are "foreign" and "alien." Please accept my use of them in their technical sense, without emotional overtones.

Memorial Day Tribute

MEMORIAL DAY, IN MEMORIAM

My father served in World War II, and both my grandfathers served in World War I. This is about my uncle, John T. Hale, Jr. from a Memorial Day website:

John Trimble Hale, Jr., Captain, U.S. Air Force, Korean War

----------------------------------------
Service No.:
Born: 14 Aug 1923 at Milam Co., TX
Died: 29 Nov 1954 in French Morocco
Age at time of loss: 31 years, 3 months, 15 days
Home of Record:
Race: Caucasian
Marital Status: Married
Occupation:
Attended: Class of 1941, Rockdale High School, Rockdale, Texas; University of Texas, Austin, Texas
Religion:
Nickname: Johnny
Entered Service: 1942, commissioned 1944
Overseas Duty:
Ship/Unit: 91st Fighter Bomber Squadron
Type of Airplane and Position:
Awards:
Casualty Type: Non-hositle, accident (airplane crash)
Cause of Death:
Casualty Location: near Titmellil, French Morocco
Soundex Code: H-400
Census:
Parents: John Trimble Hale, Sr. (veteran, World War I) (1894-1972) and Gertrude Marrianne Stolterfoht Hale (1895-1980) [5]
Brothers: None
Sisters: Jo Ann Hale Allen (Mrs. Walter), Rockdale; Virginia Hale Garrett (Mrs. Ray) (1919-1984), Washington, DC
Paternal Grandparents:
Maternal Grandparents:
Wife: Constance S. _______________ Hale
Children: Glenn Wayne Hale, Patti Lynn Hale
Burial: International Order of Odd Fellows (IOOF) Cemetery, Rockdale, Milam Co., TX
Arrangements:
Milam County War Memorial:
---------------------------------------------
From the Rockdale Reporter

"Capt. John T. Hale Dies in Jet Crash in French Morocco"

Captain John T. Hale, Jr. son of Mr. and Mrs. John T. Hale, Sr. of Rockdale, was killed Nov. 29, in a jet plane crash in French Morocco, his parents were notified Monday.

Details on the crash have never been released, except that Captain Hale, who was a senior pilot assigned to the 91st Fighter Bomber Squadron, crashed two miles east of the village of Titmellil. He was on temporary duty in Morocco from his station in England.

Captain Hale's wife and two children were in England with him, Mrs. Hale told Mr. and Mrs. Hale in Rockdale in a telephone conversation Tuesday morning that she was awaiting the body which was being flown from Morocco. Accompanied by his wife and children and an Air Force escort, the body will be flown to the United States. Funeral arrangements are pending.

John T. Hale, Jr., was 31 years old, the son of Mr. and Mrs. John T. Hale, Sr., of Rockdale and graduate from Rockdale High School in 1941. "Johnny" Hale was one of the most popular students in the Rockdale school. A perfectionist, he succeeded well at anything he did, and was valedictorian of his graduating class.

Although he was not a large lad, he was vitally interested in athletics and was an outstanding quarterback on the football eleven at RHS. He lettered in football, track, and tennis. He was also an Eagle Scout.

After graduating from high school Johnny entered the University of Texas where he studied for two and one-half years before going into the Air Force in 1942. He received his wings and commission in the Air Force in 1944.

After receiving his wings, Hale served as an instructor at Eagle Pass for some time and then was sent to the Pacific where he was awaiting combat duty when the war ended. Following that, he served three years in Japan on occupation duty with the Air Force.

Upon returning to the States, Captain Hale taught students to fly, as an instructor, prior to going to Europe in April of this year as a et fighter pilot with the 91st Fighter Bomber Squadron.

Captain Hale loved to fly, and particularly loved to fly jets, his friends recall. He had flown jets, propeller driven fighter planes, bombers and transport ships during his Air Force career. He also had been assigned to photo reconnaissance, maintenance, supply and operations, but flying fighter planes was his big love. At Bryan, Air Force Base where he was stationed prior to going to Europe, he said he got his opportunity to fly fighters after the war. Otherwise, I'd have left the Air Force," he said.

Because he loved flying, the Rockdale Pilot had established records for more hours in the air than any other pilot at bases where he was located. Members of his family do not have records on the number of hours flying time he has to his credit, but the total, when officially announced will be astounding. At Bryan Air Force Base, out of several hundred pilots, Captain Hale was the leading jet pilot. After he had been there only a short time, he was only 60 hours behind the base Commander in flying time. At that time he had 1446 hours flying time in jet aircraft, and an additional 3474 hours in propeller driven aircraft for a total of 4920 hours in the air. Before he left BAFB for Europe, he had far surpassed the Colonel's time, and since that time in April this year, he had logged many, many more hours of flying time.

At Bryan, Captain Hale was one of six flight commanders having over-all charge of teaching aviation cadets how to fly jets. When he received his orders to go to Europe last April he was elated, for he had always wanted an assignment in the European theater. He left in April. His wife and children followed him in June.

News of his death reached Rockdale from Air Force officials in Washington about 3 p.m. Monday by wire. His parents talked with his wife by telephone from her residence in Ipswich, England, Tuesday morning but no details on the crash were available.

Surviving are the widow, Mrs. Constance S. Hale, formerly of Phoenix, Airz. and two children, Glenn Wayne and Patti Lynn; the parents, Mr. and Mrs. John T. Hale, Sr., of Rockdale, two sisters, Miss Jo Ann Hale of Rockdale and Mrs. Ray Garrett and children, Susan, Nancy, Anne and Richard. Mr. and Mrs Garrett and family have been living in Evanston, Ill. and are now moving to Washington, D.C. and while Mr. Garrett has been making arrangements for their move, Mrs. Garrett and children have been visiting here with her parents.

--------------------------------

"Funeral Capt. John T. Hale, Jr. to be held Friday 10:30 a.m."


Funeral services for Captain John T. Hale, Jr., 31, killed in a jet crash in French Morocco Nov. 29, will be held in Rockdale at 10:30 Friday.

Stores to Close by proclamation of W. P. Hogan, Mayor of Rockdale on order of the city council: Stores in Rockdale will be closed for the funeral hours starting at 10:30 a.m. Friday, in tribute to the memory of Captain John T. Hale, Jr.

The funeral will be held at St. Thomas' Episcopal Church, with the Rev. E. H. Campbell officiating. Full military honors will be given in graveside rites at the I.O.O.F. cemetery by Airmen from the Bryan Air Force Base, where Captain Hale was stationed prior to going to England.

The body of Captain Hale will arrive in Rockdale tonight by train at 1:45 a.m. The body was flown, under Air Force escort, direct to the United States from the crash site in French Morocco, and is proceeding to Rockdale by train.

Captain Hale's wife and two small children arrived in Rockdale Monday from their home in Ipswich, England, where they had been with Captain Hale. They were accompanied here by Lt. Glyn Grey, Air Force escort, on their trip by commercial air lines from England. Lt. Grey, whose home is in Mobile, Alabama, was a close friend of Captain Hale who was his Flight Commander.

Mrs. Hale and children are staying in the home of Captain Hale's parents, Mr. and Mrs. John T. Hale, Sr. and family. Lt. Grey has been staying in the home of Mr. and Mrs. Jim Lanning.

No details on the crash in which Captain Hale was killed have been released by the Air Force, except that he died in the crash of his jet fighter two miles east of the village of Titmelli in French Morocco where he was on temporary duty from his station in England.

Surviving are his wife and two children, Glenn Wayne and Patti; his parents, Mr. and Mrs. John T. Hale, Sr. of Rockdale; and two sisters, Miss Jo Ann Hale, of Rockdale and Mrs. Ray Garrett of Washington, D.C.

Memorial Day: Dulce et Decorum Est

RAY GARRETT, my grandfather, in his World War I uniform. My father, Ray Garrett, Jr., served in World War II.

It is for those who have fought in wars, even led them, to tell us just how horrible they are.

At Memorial Day, I think of the words of General Dwight David Eisenhower:

"I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity."

"There is no glory in battle worth the blood shed."

"When people speak to you about a preventive war, you tell them to go and fight it. After my experience, I have come to hate war."

and of this poem by Wilfred Owen, "Dulce et Decorum Est". Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori is from Horace. It means "it is sweet and right to die for your country."

DULCE ET DECORUM EST
By Wilfred Owen, best known poet of World War I

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Good poetry should disturb.

The following poem was written by Dr. John J. Alifano, when he was 12 years old. He went on to serve as a doctor in Vietnam and would be the first to agree with Eisenhower.

MEMORIAL DAY

This is a sacred date,
When we commemorate,
Our dear ones who are no more,
But are remembered as before.

On each Memorial Day
We keep from work and play
To pay homage instead,
To our ever-gallant dead.

Our brave soldiers who fought
For the freedom they brought
Made our country so great
That no one will under rate.

So let's give flowers and thanks
To our heroes in all the ranks,
Who fought for justice and peace,
May our love for them never cease.

My father, Ray Garrett, Jr., fought in the Battle of the Bulge, on the Nothern Shoulder, where the Germans attacked. This was with General Hodges. History confirms that this army "bore the full weight of the German offensive through the Ardennes (December 1944) and held the northern position of the American lines in the ensuing Battle of the Bulge."

In personal communication, Ray said he considered that attack "a complete waste of humanity. The Germans knew they were beat but had to mount this final, stupid, pointless attack."

The Battle of the Bulge was fought from December 16, 1944 until January 28, 1945. It is considered the largest land battle of World War II in which the US participated, and it was the bloodiest.

When does it end.

"The people of the world genuinely want peace. Some day the leaders of the world are going to have to give in and give, it to them." ~ Dwight David Eisenhower

Speech by Ray Garrett Jr., former chairman of the SEC

RAY GARRETT, JR. (Center), FORMER CHAIRMAN OF THE SEC

The 75th anniversary of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) is approaching and the SEC Historical Society is giving a dinner in June. Our family has purchased a table at the dinner in June and we will have our own personal celebration of the chairmanship of Ray Garrett, Jr., my father, the 40th chairman of the SEC.

In light of the Madoff scandal and other current happenings, here is an excerpt of a speech by Ray Garrett, Jr., then chairman of the SEC, given to THE
SAN DIEGO MORTGAGE BANKERS ASSOCIATION, July 2, 1974 in San Diego, California.

Some problems seem always to be with us. One of them is the matter of enforcement of our laws and the suppression of fraud. Businessmen sometimes complain that SEC Commissioners are always talking about fraud, creating the public impression that American business generally is run by a bunch of crooks. Obviously, that is not a correct impression. If it were - - if crooks really dominated our business community - - the task of the Commission would be utterly hopeless. The only reason our system works at all is because voluntary compliance is the norm and non-compliance the aberration.

Furthermore, all violations of the securities laws cannot fairly be characterized as fraud. Perhaps we use the word too loosely.

Nevertheless, there are some crooks in business and some fraud continues to be committed, and in this area, as in others, the policeman’s lot is not a happy one. Quite naturally the instances of fraud, when exposed, attract the most attention. In a sense I wish some of them would attract more attention. Some types of fraud depend upon credulous investors who really should know better.

The two most recent cases to attract nation-wide attention - - Home-Stake Oil and the industrial wine fraud - - were both variations on the classical Ponzi scheme. The first investors were paid off out of the proceeds of sales to later investors and nothing, or very little, was ever invested in the supposed business.

The facts in Home-Stake go back several years, and the case is receiving current attention only because the Chapter X trustee recently submitted a list of the names and amounts of the investors. It is a most illustrious list of leaders of industry and finance. At least those who have lost money in Home-Stake have the dubious satisfaction of being in elegant company.

The wine fraud centered in the Washington, D. C., area and it included among its victims some local bank presidents. The scheme was to corner the market in Portugal for cheap “industrial” wine - - a non-existent item in the wine industry - - and import it for sale to U.S. canners of salad dressings, etc. Investors were offered something like double their money in a year. You would like to think that a promoter offering a chance to double your money in a year in the Portuguese industrial wine market simply would be laughed at. But, of course, many people did double their money - - as long as the promoter was able to keep selling enough notes to produce funds to pay off the earlier ones.

I like reading the reminder that fraud is the exception to the rule ... and also the caveat emptor -- the "buyer beware." It is so hard to remember that - in business, in romance, in any aspect of life -- if it seems too good to be true, IT IS.

Penicillin - and Inspiration

Don't snopes it. "If it isn't true, it should be."
As I battle the latest sinus infection, I am ever-grateful for penicillin. Before we had it, people died of things we can't conceive of today.
____________________________________________________________________________
From the email bag today:

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer.

At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of."

And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

My grandmother Hale always used to tell me about how she met my grandfather. She would tell me that he was in the hospital, in the influenza epidemic and that if it weren't for penicillin he would have died.

Bullying in the Workplace, Is It Getting Worse?

An HR manager just asked permission to use my article at a meeting, so thought I'd put it here.

I despise "bullying" and "mobbing" and "gossip," and love to help corporations get rid of it, and individuals to recover from it.

BTW, I think we (the US) has a reputation here. On my tour in Europe, one of the guides showed us the chairs out in front of a cafe ready for the people-watchers, and people-talkers. She said, "In France it's okay to talk about someone you don't know, but not someone you DO know." Not a bad idea.

Office Gossip: An HR Challenge

By Susan Dunn Expert Author Article Date: 2008-11-12

"Lies, rumors, and office gossip have always been an entrenched part of the workscape," says Samuel Greengard, in his article, "Gossip Poisons
Business: HR Can Stop It," and if you've worked in an office, you know that's true. For some, it's just static, but it can get out of control, be harmful to the target, and cause risk for management.

Gossip is a human propensity. Part of being social and being human, is to take an intense interest in what other's are doing. Some gossip is relatively benign; other forms are malicious and can run right into slander and liable.

Unchecked, it's not going to go away and can be disruptive to productivity and morale.

THE NATURE OF GOSSIP

"Not every rumor that comes out of the office gossip mill has the power to be ... damaging," says Ingrid Murro Botero, president of Murro Consulting. "However, even seemingly casual remarks between coworkers can disrupt an otherwise peaceful office."

Office gossip generally centers around which employees management is dating, and who's about to be get fired, transferred, promoted or demoted. Particularly malicious gossip is used for personal or political gain within the organization. Any form can open management up to significant liability because employees who perceive themselves in a hostile environment can go on to assume they're being discriminated against.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

What can management do to curtail this destructive mobbing behavior?

First of all lets look at what makes it probable. It's most likely to occur when employees are not informed, and when they have too much time on their hands. When something's going on and management doesn't supply information, people fill in the void with speculations and assumptions.

It's also likely to occur is when workers have too much time on their hands. When, as a kid, I started making trouble for myself and my sisters because I had nothing to do, my grandmother would give me something constructive to do (a chore, a book to read), saying, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

Management must also make it clear that malicious personal gossip is not acceptable. "It is essential for companies to set appropriate boundaries and a tone of mutual respect," says Jane Weizmann, senior consultant at Watson Wyatt Worldwide.

This can be accomplished through Aspiration Statements - not just saying what's not acceptable, but by coming out and saying what is expected:
dignity and respect. No exceptions.

Management can also work to build a culture that's supportive rather than overtly competitive. Putting proactive emotional intelligence and ANTI-MOBBING PROGRAMS in place show positive intent. To see an excellent pro-respect statement by the State of Oregon, Dept. of Environment Quality ANTI-MOBBING policy NO. 50.110, go
here: www.mobbing-usa.com/resources1.html
.

Coaching and/or counseling should be available for both victim and instigator.

Rumors must be dealt with immediately. Meet with instigator[s] and victim together, or call the instigator in to confront them. Confront chronic offenders. If you don't know who they are, you're in denial, because everyone else in the company knows who they are.

One thing to do in your awareness/education program is to ask people to check through their emails and see if they think they've been gossiping.
Unlike the spoken word, email is documentable.

It's important to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Written policies and procedures turn to dust and smoke the first time management fails to confront the problem in actuality. It's normal to test the limits, and if action isn't taken when stated policy is transgressed, credibility for that policy goes out the door, and so does credibility about every other policy.

About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, www.susandunn.cc . Business and personal coaching, on-site, long-distance.

Finding the Cathedral Behind the Movie

Here is Gaudi's Sagrada Familia Cathedral in Barcelona

Back from my tours of Europe. Travel is always "broadening." You have to get out of the frame of reference you live in, and sometimes only a new place can give you new perspective. And when you return home, you do not return to the same place. In my case this is especially pertinent, as I am moving from Dallas, Texas to Falls Church, Virginia at the end of this month.

When you travel, you must learn new things. You have no choice. I spent weeks figuring out phones, toilets, eating customs, greeting customs, whether to line-up or just mill about ... 7 countries in 10 days.

It was such a relief to get back in the US and just pick up the phone and dial (press keys, LOL). It went through. The person answered. No codes were needed. The phone line worked, etc.

More on my travels later, but for right now, an interesting blog I came across while researching Gaudi, whose Sagrada Familia cathedral I had the pleasure of seeing in Barcelona, Spain. I don't know what age the writer is but it's a good decription of communication preferences, and, perhaps, generation differences.

In my travelogues, I do a running humor-piece about movies, a bete-noir to me. On the tours, a guide will sometimes say (just an example) -- "Here is the Cathedral of St. Paul. That's where Ben met Shanaya in the movie, "Rest in Peace. I find that a travesty. Also, if you know me, I am an inveterate listener to people and I do not watch television (YIKES!).

The blog is called Gaudi's Cross and Annette writes:

I’m a visual learner—spoken words slip off my mind while written words have greater chance of sinking in—but I didn’t realize just how much I favor my eyes over my ears until I had a long bout of viral pinkeye... my vision became clouded. For days it has been as though I’m looking at life through a foggy windshield. Now that I can barely read or write, now that it’s tiresome to observe the world around me or watch anything on a screen, I realize that these make up the vast majority of my daily activities.

Felix Ortiz says that younger generations “listen with their eyes and think with their hearts.” As I come to grip with my own visual preference, I’ve become aware that my eyes give me more autonomy than my ears. A friend of ours is doing a project called “a month of listening” in which he interviews a different person each day of the month. As I’ve listened to the interviews. I’ve realized that when we really listen to someone, we relinquish control and let them take us where they want to go. I can look at what I want from the perspective I chose, whereas I often don’t have a choice about what comes in through my ears, whether it’s elevator, the traffic, and the downstairs neighbor boy who call out insistently “Abuela, Abuela, Abuela.”

Eyes and ears are complementary but not interchangeable. Linguistically and semantically, seeing is connected with understanding; hearing with obedience.

This struck me because something incredibly insensitive happened on the tour. I'll preface this with the fact that I love children. So much so that I accommodate to their need to run, talk, express their angst or joy, and their inability to sit still, be quiet and look at something inatimate for more than one second.

I know this. You know this.

How come, then, a set of young parents would subject a normally active 5 year old girl to the torture of an 8-hour bus tour involving scenery -- distant scenery, as in through a window -- and a running lecture which people had paid $100 to hear? Does this not sound to you like a lose-lose proposition. What were they thinking? It is age-innapropriate. I wish they would take my EQ for Children course!

We drove through some of the most beautiful scenery on earth, and the 5 year old girl became increasingly bored and loud, eventually shouting non-stop, as only a 5 year old can do. At one point she yelled at her mother, "I'M the one who's talking. Not HER (the guide)." Bored old men slept, bored teenagers had their head sets on or read, bored babies sucked their bottles or slept -- all this can be accommodated to; but not a hyper 5 year old. "Know thyself" and know thy kid.

Someone asked the mother to please keep the kid quiet. She replied, "I can't."

This is not right. As Annette says, you can't turn off your ears. Besides we paid to hear a lecture. It ruined it for everyone and an apology, which was not forthcoming in any way, doesn't work. The tour was over and we had missed it. In a bus, you can't move away, though I did on another tour, when the bus wasn't full, to get away from a bickering couple who found it more important to argue with each other about a phone call, with increasing volume, than to hear what the tour guide was saying about la Sagrada Familia.

These are points of etiquette. When there's something to be heard, turn off your cell phone, and turn off your mouth. It isn't all about you. People are paying to hear someone else sing, or say or play something important. Be an adult. Know what you're getting in to, and then be considerate of thers.

And don't subject children to something they are incapable of.

Please. And thank you.

We can't get back the tour that was taken from us. The sadder part is that the offending parties simply didn't care. I think we can do better than that -- for the good of all -- don't you?