Why Study Emotional Intelligence?

Haven't you wondered why some people have more success than others? In our personal quests to reach our potential and maximize our personal power and assets, we ponder what the mix is that makes for success in life - work and relationships both.

For many decades (perhaps since the Age of Reason), the Western World focused on cognitive intelligence, generally referred to as IQ. We assumed a high IQ was the ticket.

However, you may have noticed, as early researchers in the field did, that IQ is not the only answer, and sometimes not the most important part of the equation. Even an IQ-genius like Einstein states that there is something more going on - that his theories were leaps of intuition. Daniel Goleman is often misquoted as saying that EQ matters more than IQ, when what he actually said was "it CAN matter more." Haven't you found this to be true?

EQ draws on the continuing phenomenal new research on the human (triune) brain and what emotions are and how they operate -- neuro-affective science. Lust, for instance, comes from the reptilian brain (the oldest, and therefore the strongest), and for good living, we mediate this with the limbic brain (it would hurt my wife if I had an affair) and the neocortex (I could lose all my money in a divorce if I have an affair).

As we fumble around for definitions, please keep in mind, intuitively if you will, that EQ is one of those things that you know when you see it. Think for a moment now of someone you know who is successful (hopefully it is you), and toss around in your mind some of the things that make this person's life work. IQ, perhaps, and also perhaps flexibility, intentionality, ability to assess gut-feelings, ability to work with others, self-management. We even use words like "character," "patience," "maturity," "affability," "leadership," etc.

An operating definition of emotional intelligence is (wikipedia): "an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups." The definition is evolving, but keep in mind that you know it when you see it. For instance, I prefer to use the term "competencies."

Emotional Intelligence probably began with no less than Darwin, who pointed out the importance of emotional expression for survival and adaptation. Slowly research turned to the non-cognitive aspects of "intelligence". As early as 1920. E. L. Thorndike at Columbia University coined the term "social intelligence" to refer to the ability to understand and manage other people.

Among early researchers in the field, Howard Gardner (Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences) used the terms "interpersonal intelligence" (to describe our ability to understand the intentions, motivations and desires of other people), and "intrapersonal intelligence" (the ability to understand oneself, to appreciate your feelings, fears and motivations). In 1985, Wayne Payne published a doctoral thesis entitled A study of emotion: Developing emotional intelligence. Salovey and Mayer were also key researchers in the field (1990). It is perhaps Daniel Goleman who popularized the term in 1995 with his best-seller, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Is EQ better than IQ? See my video on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7x8URq-lJI



Salovey and Mayer have a good working definition of emotional intelligence: "The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions, and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth". Four categories that make sense are: (1) perceiving emotions, (2) using emotions, (3)understanding emotions; and (4) managing emotions.

A movie that illustrates concepts of emotional intelligence is Orson Welles' powerful "The Tragedy of Othello: The Moor of Venice." In this case, it is an example of emotional intelligence gone bad. This is, of course, Shakespeare's tragedy, Othello, and from this came Verdi's magnificent opera, "Otello" which we also consider. The place of music in emotional intelligence can hardly be underestimated, BTW, and of the great arts in general. See VIVO PER LEI.

In the beginning of the story of Otello, we see a man at the height of his power. [Bear in mind that the definition of a Shakespearean tragedy is that the hero is undone by "a character flaw" not by some external event (such as war or illness)]. Otello was a general, at the top of his game, with a successful career, and a loving marriage to the beautiful Desdemona.

At the end of the movie (play, opera) we see a man who has destroyed his life, killed his wife, and proceeds to kill himself. The aria Niun mi Tema is one of the most powerful arias in opera. It means "No one need fear me any more," and is the lament of a man who was undone by emotions.



What happened? Otello failed to promote a man (Iago) who then set about to do him in, and he did it without laying a hand on Otello. Iago understood Otello better than Otello understood himself, and he used this to bring about Otello's death and destruction at his own hands, manipulating him around like a puppet on a string. See my video on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgQOdtW1CI0.



Why study emotional intelligence? To paraphrase Sun Tzu, who was talking about warfare, understanding how people can be manipulated through emotions is as useful for those who wish to avoid having it done to them, as it is for those who wish to practice it.

If you stop and think about it, you can get in touch with times when your emotions either facilitated or blocked your ability to function well, make good decisions and/or use good judgment. Emotions, after all, give us information - it's what we do about the information that makes the difference. Maybe you drove away a lover by something you said in anger, or jumped in (or out of) the stock market on an emotional whim, or gave a poor speech because of anxiety, gave in to lust and ruined your marriage, or got angry and told off your boss and got fired, or talked back to a judge and ... See my video, "The Top 10 Things You Say After You've Been Hijacked (by the reptilian brain)" here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmMSKLJo2Oc .



There are several assessment of emotional intelligence which vary in their terminology, but some of the competencies are resilience, flexibility, personal power, nonverbal communication, emotional expression, intentionality, authenticity, and empathy or compassion.

Should it be "empathy" or "compassion"? How DO you define emotional intelligence? These are largely academic matters. YOU know the quality that we struggle to define with "compassion" or "empathy" and YOU KNOW know that it - and the other competencies - matter. And the most important thing is that unlike IQ, EQ can be learned. I know. I teach it.

What's another good definition? Many of my clients have called emotional intelligence "the missing piece." And then there was one who said, "your course saved my mind."

Susan Dunn, www.susandunn.cc, sdunn@susandunn.cc . Susan coaches individuals and trains and certifies coaches internationally. She is the author of numerous ebooks (http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html)and has been chosen Adult Dev. expert for the largest self help portal on the Internet.

Fathers who take care of their daughters

There is a special place in heaven for fathers who find THE WAY to show their daughters they are going to get their heart broken.

I happened to talk to two clients this week - both of whose fathers had "guided" them away from unsuitable men. Susie's father refused to pay for her to fly to Texas for her usual summer at her grandmother's, thereby making it impossible to see the Lothario. He provided her with a great vacation in compensation.

In the other case, Yvonne's father said nothing, knowing if he did, it would drive her to the "Duke of Mantua."

Of course such a father is never happy to be "right."

Now, we all know that the great opera composer, Verdi, wrote about families -- as no one has before or since. There is a scene in "Rigoletto" that pertains to what I'm writing about. The best clip for seeing what's going on is from a movie of the opera, "Rigoletto," but it's disabled. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYRZOEzoOgQ

So here's the song. The Duke of Mantua is leading the daughter on, which her father knows, and her father drags her there and makes her watch it, to see for herself. This is one of the few quartets in opera: Bella Figlia Dell Amore (Beautiful Daughter of Love). This is painful for her and her father both, but not as painful as what would have happened if the daughter had continued down the path she was on.

Opera, goodreads, and other goodies

Training and certifying coaches. Now accepting a limited number of new coaching clients.

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Rome is, indeed, a marvelous city. That handsome young man on the right, there at the Pantheon, sold me tickets to hear a concert of favorite arias from operas, one of highlights of my trip. There at the Pantheon.

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Goodreads is a great family site. I got on it because my granddaughter asked me to. Family-friendly sites are so important for the kids today.

As to this book, "Who's Afraid of Opera?" I'm not surprised they don't have the book cover. I'm probably the only person who's read it, I don't know.

Well, I love opera and found it very enjoyable. Perfect what I call "airport fiction." And, BTW, Lufthansa has an opera station on their earphones. Another reason to live in Europe ...

So here are some great quotes from this book, Who's Afraid of Opera, by Michael Walsh - you'll recognize his name as music critic for TIME magazine.

BTW, I took the what opera would you be quiz on facebook and I'd be "The Magic Flute." That's Mozart, and I can't think of a "nicer" opera to "be." This is the best starter-opera, in fact it was mine, and wonderful for kids as well as adults. While I prefer Verdi and Puccini, operas with the dynomite arias (like "Othello" and "Madama Butterfly"), what's not to like about that magical magid flute opera?

OK, ready? Here we go --

1. The opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge. (Cleveland Armory)


2. I have always believed that opera is a planet where the muses work together, join hands and celebrate all the arts. (Franco Zeffirelli)


3. To write an opera demands a range of skills that are not limited simply to the musical. The opera composer must also be a judge of literary merit, able to work collegially with a partner (the librettist); a student of the theater, knowing eexactly what effects are possible on stage, and an impresario, adept in the ways of money-raising and patronage. [It is no wonder these men were giants - Wagner, Verdi, Puccini, Rossini]


4. Words were of paramount important to both Verdi and Wagner.


5. As proud as Boito (the librettist) might have been about his own contributions, though, the sense of his letter ... makes it clear that his words are meant to serve the composer, who, in turn, is serving the dramatic situation .... Which in the end, is what opera is all about.


6. The essential condition of opera is .... that it have something to say to us about the way we live our livews, and the social and moral circumstances in which we find ourselves.


7. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE OPERA WRITTEN BY A WOMAN.


8. It has been said that more has been written about Wagner than about anyone else with the exception of Napoleon Bonaparte and Jesus Christ; that's how important Wagner was, and is.


9. [In the Rhinegold and the Ring] Wagner created a metaphor for society and social disintegration that is even more potent today than it was a century ago.


10. Mozart admired Papa Haydn above all composers.


11. For it is the composer who gives moral shape and meaning to the story through his marvelous music.


12. Otello (Verdi) is, indeed, an opera to die for.

Othello - the story of emotional intelligence gone bad

OTELLO (OTHELLO) the story of emotional intelligence gone bad

How to Write

What ABOUT the heart? What ABOUT emotion?

From the helium.com blog ... in response to how to write, we get a good deal of Emotional Intelligence tips.

Writes Sam:

I've been reading a biography of Audrey Hepburn. And one thing she said struck me as very true. She said that in portraying Anne Frank on stage, "I act the same way now as I did forty years ago...with feeling instead of technique. All my life I've been in situations where I've had no technique, but if you FEEL enough you can get away with murder."

There are so many books that teach story telling technique, but what about heart, what about emotion? Where do you find it?

Well you find it by looking inside. Knowing people is knowing emotions. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. Without it, there can be no Emotional Intelligence.

Sam answers his own question:

One answer is contained in my second paragraph ... I firmly believe that screenwriters should try to learn as much about people (and themselves) as possible. Through biographies (not the the cheesy, tabloid kind) you can learn about the motivations of people who lived exceptional lives. You can learn about the experiences and forces that shaped them and their decisions.

Yes, definitely not the cheesy, tabloid kind. Great literature. Read the hard stuff.

Start with Shakespeare. Try "Othello" and then see Verdi's opera, "Otello." It is the study of a man who cannot control his anger and jealousy. He is therefore easy prey. He trusts whom he shouldn't, and he doesn't trust whom he should. He flips out and doesn't check things out rationally, with his neocortex.

His enemy Iago wants him dead, and all he has to do is wind Othello up, push the button and watch him self-destruct. It's so easy. Otello is so predictable. It is so tragic. The ultimate in self-sabotage. Want to find the heart, the emotion? Listen to Mario Lanza sing Otello's final aria, Niun Mi Tema ... which he sings to his wife, whom he has just killed (it ends with un bacio, un bacio ancora ... un altra bacio ... (a kiss, another kiss, a last kiss), just before he plunges a knife into his own heart. (Verdi at his best!) If you cannot access this video, go here: http://www.youtube.com/v/M4sfXc5a5Y4 .

Freud said what he knew about human nature, he got from Shakespeare. So it might be a good start, and also a place where you never finish!
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Who Are You Grateful To This Thanksgiving?

URL: http://www.susandunn.cc/
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc

WHO ARE YOU GRATEFUL TO?
Acknowledging the Team

This article is for you if you’re a behind-the-scenes kind of person: the administrative assistant who gets the presentation ready for the guys in marketing but doesn’t get to go to the meeting; the PR pro who writes all the CEO’s speeches and answers all the complain letters; the at-home mother who makes sure the concert pianist practices; the deputy chief whose job description is doing all the things the chief doesn’t like to do or can’t do; or the paralegal who prepares all the pleadings, knows all the codes, and does all the licking and stamping.

This article is also for you if benefit from the work of one of those people.

Temistocle Solear, Antonio Ghislanzoni, Henri Meilhac, Jules Barbier, Michael Carre, Giuseppe Giacosa, Luigi Illica, Renato Semoni, and Nicola Haym all know what this is like.
Who on earth are these people?

Well, even if you’re not an opera fan, I bet you’ve heard of the composers Verdi, Bizet, Mozart, Strauss, Gounod, Handel, Donizetti and Puccini. And I’m sure you’ve heard of some of their operas: Aida, Carmen, Cosi fan Tutte, Madama Butterfly, Faust and Don Giovanni, for instance.

Did you know that these composers wrote the music for their operas, but not the lyrics? Solear, Ghislanzoni and the other individuals in the list are what’s called “librettists.” It is they who wrote the words (the libretto) the opera singers sing, without which you would be listening to a symphony, not an opera. And we never hear their names! In most cases, the words were written first, and then the composers whose names we know so well, wrote the music.

Like Gilbert and Sullivan, they worked together in pairs. The inimitable Richard Wagner was the only one to compose all his own operas entirely by himself, creating both music and lyrics, which may account for why they are so powerful, so Wagnerian. This is quite a feat because composing music and writing words require different parts of the brain.

Sometimes the composer and librettist met in person, while other times they worked via correspondence. Strauss worked exclusively with one librettist, after writing his own lyrics for his first opera and finding out he wasn’t good at it, but most other composers switched around, finding the right librettist for the job, or one who was available. It’s not unlike the way many of us work these days, long-distance and by contract.

What an incredible collaboration an opera is. It takes costume and set designers as well, because an opera is as much visual as it is auditory, and it is what makes Grand Opera, grand. In the Santa Fe opera’s production of “Turnadot,” when the moon appeared, she iwas personified and costumed in a magnificence that seemed to dominate the stage for half an hour. Another opera I hope to see one day is Verdi’s “Aida,” I mean Verdi and Ghislanzoni’s “Aida,” on stage at the Bath of Caracalla in Rome. The Triumphal March of Rhadames features live elephants and horses on stage. Now that’s entertainment!

What we don’t see at an opera is the orchestra, a crucial element. They’re listed in the program, of course, and given their bows at the curtain call, but we only hear them, seated below in the orchestra pit.

Many elements go together to produce the opera as see that bears the name of one man only.
Take “Turnadot” for instance. It was librettist Semoni who gave Puccini the suggestion for the opera in the first place, telling him about Turandotte, a play written by Gozzi, based on a fable from the Arabian Nights.

Puccini had been searching for two years for a suitable plot for an opera, and at the age of 61, began “Turandot,” instructing his librettists, Adami and Semoni, to “pour great pathos into the drama.” Puccini, of course, is know for the most beautiful melodies in opera. He was also know for being extremely demanding, requiring endless rewrites from his librettists.

From his point of view, however, the librettists were difficult. We can read his letters begging them to do their work. Semoni was in charge of Act III, and Puccini’s letters beg, “The third! The third! The third!”

At one point, he confessed to a friend “Music disgusts me,” as he evidently had periods of self-doubt and composer’s block. Toscanini paid him a visit and gave him the encouragement to keep going. Every team has their Toscanini; or should.

Puccini was justified in urging completion of the opera as he died before the completion of the third act. The collaboration continued, as Toscanini found a composer named Franco Alfano, whose name is rarely mentioned, to complete it. The world premier took place on April 25th, 1926, the work of one guiding genius and many hands, hearts, and minds.

It isn’t that teamwork and collaboration is new, it’s that it’s newly being recognized. Most of us realize we couldn’t accomplish anything alone, while those behind the scenes who work long and willing hours, long for some recognition. “Appreciation,” after all, top the list when employees talk about what they want at their job. It’s number one so consistently, it’s a wonder it isn’t heeded more.

Richard Montuori, town manager of Bellica, Massachusetts, knows and appreciates his team. I love [my] job, he said in a newspaper interview. “Every day is different and presents new challenges. Finances are a daily and yearly challenge, but no one person ever accomplishes anything alone. We have excellent department heads and town boards that help keep the town moving in the right direction.”

Isn’t it nice to hear someone publicly acclaim the team that makes them shine? I hope your boss or manager does this for you, and that if you’re the boss or manager, you appreciate and acknowledge and sing the unsung heroes in your midst.

But how do you praise everyone? There are always so many.

Here’s a leadership trick I learned from a pro. At the culmination of a fundraising banquet engineered by many, and funded by many more, the director of the benefited-agency rose and thanked everyone who helped make it possible. Then he added, looking around the room, “and I’d especially like to thank someone – you know who you are – who made this happen.”
I thought it was me! So did many other people, I’m sure, and that was what the director had in mind, he told me later when I asked him whom he had in mind, because his glance around the room was professionally ambivalent.

It works. And it’s always, always true.

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc/. Providing coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. I train and certify EQ coaches internationally. Email for info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ ezine.

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