Thursday, August 25, 2005
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE & THE BROKEN HEART
PAIN AND SUFFERING. They're a part of life we don't like to think about, don't like to see others have, and don't like to have ourselves. Breaking up with someone we love is so hard, it's almost comprehensible that the first-marriage divorce rate is 50%; the second-marriage divorce rate, 60%; and the third-marriage divorce rate, 70%.
HOW DO YOU HEAL A BROKEN HEART? It has to heal itself, and in a way you need to get out of its way and let it take its course. It comes in waves. It's a day-by-day thing for a while. It takes time and patience, faith and hope, loving friends who know to respond, but not feel responsible for ... and time. Some broken hearts don't heal, but most do. If you're suffering a broke heart right now, take the advice of a doctor friend of mine -- "Be a patient patient."
Men react to emotional pain the way they do to most emotions -- as a call to action. If a man loses the love of a woman, he will go out and find the love of another woman. He is not always discriminating about this, and will do it way too soon. These transitional relationships usually end abruptly when he does begin to heal and moves on to other things.
Women react to emotional pain the way they do to most emotions -- feeling them, dealing with them, turning to work and service to others and perhaps being a bit too much set-back by the negative ones, i.e., women tend to wait too long to get involved again.
Imagine the futility and pain when the woman who has waited too long hooks up with the man freshly divorced and moving too fast too soon. It's not an uncommon scenario, and one I don't recommend, as the woman ends up with a lot of pain, and the man, a lot of guilt.
There's a middle space there you can aim at, and I recommend coaching, once you start on the upcurve. Getting back into the dating scene is stressful. Coaching can help you shorten the learning curve.
And now, one of my most popular "articles." (One website where I list articles tells how many have visited each one, and this one (oddly?) is one of the ones most often visited:
THE TOP TEN 'HURTIN' LOVE SONGS:
1. Con Te Partiro - Andrea Bocelli
2. I Fall to Pieces, Crazy - Patsy Cline
3. Only Love Can Break a Heart - Gene Pitney
4. Always on My Mind - Elvis, WIllie Nelson
5. He Stopped Loving Her Today - George Jones
6. Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack
7. You've Lost That Loving Feeling - The Righteous Brothers
8. Crying - Roy Orbison
9. Red, Red, Wine - UB40
10. Till I Can Make It On My Own - Tammy Wynette
1. The Big Hurt - Toni Fisher
2. Two by Ian Tyson: Springtime in Alberta, and Irving Berlin is 100 Years Old Today
3. The Best I Know How - The Statler Brothers
4. _______________ your call (send me your suggestion - mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org )
Here is an excellent book on the topic:
Mars and Venus, Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One, by John Gray, Ph.D.
This man really knows his stuff!
Posted by Susan Dunn, M.A. at 9:26 PM