SELF-REGULATION IS THE GOAL OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. To be able to feel good and stay that way most of the time, no matter what's going on.
It allows us to feel good in our own skin, and also to be able to have a close, satisfying relationship with another. It adds tremendously to our health and security, because with another person is the only place we really feel secure.
You function best when you're in a state of equilibrium. If you're not, it's best to wait to interact with others. Learn how to restore your equilibirum so you can get there faster.
How do you do that? It's more than "feeling good." Here's how some people have described it:
How do you get there when you're not? One way is to attach to someone who is that way, what we would call "non-anxious."
The other ways? Well you need to find out about yourself. Become what Jeanne Segall, Ph.D., calls a "Sensory Detective," in "Recognizing Emotional Trauma and Building Emotional Intelligence." (Many people use music this way, and we invite you to experience this by joining (FREE) CLUB VIVO PER LEI / I LIVE FOR MUSIC.
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Now, from Dr. Segall with just a couple of examples per category. You can read the whole article HERE.
HOW DO DIFFERENT KINDS OF SENSORY INPUT AFFECT YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM?
Begin with sensory experiences that have the most appeal for you. But don’t stop exploring until you have exhausted all possibilities. The point is to explore a wide range of sensory possibilities. All exploration should be done leisurely. Take time and enjoy yourself:
As you explore look for sensory stimulants that:
• simultaneously relax and energize you – that at the same time help you calm down, feel safe and make you more alert
• have an immediate effect on you – that bring about instantaneous and positive responses
• are enjoyable – that bring a smile to your face and a lift to your heart
• are dependable – that consistently help you feel more in control of yourself
• are available – that are at hand or easy to get
It is not uncommon for one sense or another to be under or overly active. When this is the case, some sensory experiences will be unpleasant and others may be more intensely pleasurable. For such a person, learning about sensory needs is all the more valuable.
PROPRIOCEPTIVE SENSE: Play with moving your body in space – engage muscles and tendons as you:
• Run in place as well as around the block.
• Jump up and down on anything that will support your weight – preferably a portable trampoline (the newer models are more flexible and sturdier).
• Stretch anytime – arch your neck and back if that is comfortable for you.
SMELLS/OLFACTORY SENSE: Play with the powerful influence of fragrance and note the aromas that instantly fill you with wellbeing:
• Place appealing fragrances nearby – surround yourself with bowls of fragrant flowers, herbs, spices or sweet smelling foods.
• Make your own potpourri – use pleasant smelling leaves, dried flowers and spices.
• Experiment with friendly cooking smells – try slow cooking cinnamon, water and apple juice or other foods that have a inviting smell while simmering for long periods of time.
SIGHTS/VISUAL SENSE: Surround yourself with images that make you feel sublime. Because sight is the dominant sense for many people, imaginary images sometimes work as well as real images:
• Surround yourself with photos of people you love or scenes from nature that sooth and lift you.
• Put up posters that you find funny and delightful.
• Cut out pictures from magazines that make you laugh and feel good.
• Experiment with vocal sounds from grand opera to county music.
• Experiment with a broad range of instrumental music including orchestral, ensembles and solo instruments.
TASTES/GUSTATORY SENSE: Experiment with food – but don’t overdo it! Food will work, but if you have a weight problem this may not be such a good choice. The pleasure that accompanies the taste may be undermined by feelings that you have eaten inappropriately.
• Take a small piece of something sweet (a piece of chocolate or a juicy berry) and let it dissolve slowly in your mouth. Savor every bit.
• Mix 3-4 different kinds of grapes in a bowl. Close your eyes, pick up one grape, and slowly taste it. Notice its skin, inner flesh, and seeds, if any. See if you can identify which type of grape you picked.
• Try small tastes of a variety of different flavors – a salty tortilla chip, a golden raisin, a spicy slice of pepperoni, a small piece of cheese, a crunchy bite of green apple, a pickle spear. Sample with conscious attention to the differences.
PLAY AT BEING PLAYFUL: – joyous playful experience makes up for a lot of painful experience. Many people successfully calm themselves with humor and playful activity.
ONCE YOU IDENTIFY SENSORY EXPERIENCE THAT BOTH RELAXES AND ENERGIZES YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM, MAKE IT AN ONGOING PART OF YOUR LIFE AT HOME, AT WORK, WHEN COMMUTING--ANYWHERE YOU SPEND TIME.
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