Thursday, November 03, 2005

Is Your Internet Date Cheating on You?

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TIPS FOR WRITING A GOOD PROFILE FOR AN INTERNET DATING SITE

Two Dates or Twenty?
by Michael Myerscough (UK)

Sometimes I get letters from people who've bought my Finding Mr. Right program and got stuck on a particular point. One of the more common points I address with people is how to write a profile or personal ad that gets the attention you deserve. From
looking through these ads with clients, and sometimes purely for my own entertainment, a few things have become very clear to me. If you're interested in how to get 20 men a week or more replying to your ad then please read on.

Point number one is that men and women online date in an entirely different fashion. We may not actually be from different planets but we do have our differences. This is
especially true when it comes to placing a profile on an internet dating site. You probably wouldn't be shocked to hear that men don't actually really read what you post up in your profile. Not for a little while anyway. Firstly they look at your photo. And if they like that, then they look at your other photo's to make sure the irst one is actually realistic. If you past this test, remember that man is the hunter and at this point he's still tracking game, then he may well start to dig a little deeper.

This is where it gets interesting, he's not going to read your profile, he's going to scan it and look for words he finds interesting or, dare I say it, arouse his interest. I'm going to share something with you that I've observed because I'm on the
inside when it comes to people getting results on dating sites. This may be painful for you to hear but it's probably going to be less than shocking.

LEARN WHAT TO SAY AND HOW TO SAY IT

Michael continues ...

The women who put profiles together that get deluged with replies work in words like: flirting, amorous, playful, snogging, experimental, massage, riding, sunshine, intimate, great kissers. Now none of these are overly graphic and don't even begin to promise adult fun on your first date or anything like that but they will get you a lot of attention. These are words that could be referred to as 'trigger' words. You can put them into any sentence and men are going to spot them and potentially drift of into a fantasy about you. This is a good thing.

Recently I came across a couple of brilliant examples that were none too subtle but gracefully executed. One woman talked about her self being 'colourful, fruity and a little bit naughty just like her favourite cocktail'. For those of you that missed it
the word cocktail is the real kicker in that sentence. Another woman admitted to a love of rabbits and given the look of one of her photo's it's almost certain that she's not talking about Bugs Bunny.

It's no different from real life. You know you have friends who don't appear to be anything special and yet they continually seem to be bathed in male attention for no reason that you can distinguish. It's not because they are easy or anything like
that, they're just good at coming across as more fun than most other women.

This is where you get to make a personal choice, of course, it's entirely up to you. I've fought with clients over this when they were getting miserable about the lack of response to their intelligently witty profile. What can I say, most men really are
as shallow as you fear and it's not just me. The good news is that there's often more to men than meets the eye once you really get to know them.

All we're talking about here is getting a man to make a buying decision which I talk more about in the tips below. You're just making sure you get his full attention so you can then make a decision about whether you're interested in going any further
with him.

What amazes me is the level of resistance to being a little or, in some cases, a lot more flirty. Every woman I've ever spoken to loves kissing, can be amorous and in the right circumstances considers herself to be experimental and playful. Why not make it a selling point?

There are two major objections I hear to this idea:

1. I don't want to sound like a slut. - Me neither, I don't blame you. Just be careful about the words you use. There's a world of difference between the word amorous and slutty. Frankly, I'm not even certain that the word slutty is going too
far. What do you think?

2. I want quality not quantity. Yes, I agree that getting 20 amorously interested messages next time you log into your account could be a little daunting but it's nothing you can't handle. Just get good at tossing out the rubbish. You don't want
to be eliminating options this early on.

So what if you decided to slip on your red heels, or what ever it is that allows you to vamp up a bit, as you wrote your profile? How would that change the way you portray yourself? Attraction is a subconscious process and a lot more primal than
you may be comfortable with. Knowing what you know now, what could you do differently?
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GET ALL THE DATES YOU WANT

There are several other very important elements to writing a dating profile that will pull the number of dates you deserve. You'd be amazed, as I have been with other clients, how just a few simple tweaks to an existing profile can rocket the number of contacts you generate on a dating site. One client went from 1 enquiry in a month, to 5 in a week, with just one simple change.

If you'd like to get more dates from your online ad or if you're struggling to bring yourself to use an internet dating site, you can get all the advice you need within the Finding Mr. Right book. Visit http://www.therelationshipgym.com/fmr_ebook1.htm to
boost your dates now.
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Tips on Writing Profiles

* Look at the cover of a men's magazine to see what words trigger their buying response. If you really want to be clever, pick the ones you'd actually read, then you know you're using the right words for your kind of a guy!

* I used to run a program called Finding Miss Right for which we had next to no interest because that's not where men are at. Most men start out looking for women who are fun to spend time with and may actually put out at some point. They then start to build a relationship. As Barbara DeAngelis says 'men are looking for s*x and women are looking for love'.

* Remember that you're still in charge with regard to the timing of any fooling around - you're not making any promises, just engaging allusions [sic]. S*x on a first date is generally the kiss of death for a relationship. There are exceptions, but not many! [emphasis mine]
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This article is © 2005 The Relationship Gym by Michael Myerscough. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him at http://www.therelationshipgym.com/ and sign up for the fr*ee relationship information. "
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