Monday, August 24, 2009

Finding your Soulmate

I am often asked about soulmates.

This is a question that is often asked psychics and astrologers too, as we all quest for love. To a coach, a person might ask for a "soul mate" or "someone who is perfect for me."

I think Skye's discussion about soul-mates is good. She recommends this instead of looking for a Soul-mate:
Change your definition of soulmate. Call to yourself someone who is open and real. Call to yourself someone who is genuine and capable of love on a real everyday level in a real everyday world where people get up and go to work and pay bills. Call to yourself someone who knows how to show and express their love without manipulation and head games. Call forth a forever kind of love. Call forth a best friend that you can sit with in your rocking chair on the front porch when you are too old to make love anymore. Call someone who loves you enough to kick you in the butt when you are screwing up. Call forth someone who will shout from the rooftop when you are deserving of praise too. Call forth someone who is a loyal and faithful lover willing to learn and grow with you behind closed doors. Leave the rest to fate. Don’t define them.

"Call to yourself," is good. It's about the Law of Attraction.

But let's talk for a minute about making lists when you are dating or looking for "the right woman/man."

Many coaches want their clients to make a list of what they want in a mate, who they're looking for. I recommend it too, but probably not in the way you might think.

I think having a list works well for values, lifestyle, intelligence and some basics (like good grooming, which I think we all would want, wouldn't we?). Also things like wanting kids or not wanting kids -- issues around which there isn't a compromise -- it's a "yes" or a "no." But the trouble comes when you get too specific, especially about PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

For instance here's a list I got from Amy:

I want a man who's:
Medium height
30 years old
Brown hair
Brown eyes
Curly hair
Muscular build, like a weight lifter or professional athlete
Medium complexion

Well, I think this leaves a lot to be desired. What if "Amy" met a man who was blond that had all the important things that Skye talks about above? What if she met a man who was 31 or 32?

Physical characteristics may cause initial attraction, but, as we coaches say, "That's not love, that's something else."

And as far as physical characteristics go, here's an interesting point. According to studies, the one that applies the most -- get ready for this -- is the person's third finger.

Go figure.

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