Monday, March 13, 2006
IS THIS "BLACK" OR "GUS"? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
This VIDEO is very funny and very enchanting.
It's also a great example of emotional intelligence.
There they are on the nightly news in a sophisticated metropolitan area, and our reporter has made a huge faux pas. Of all the ways his co-anchor could have handled it, I'm sure he chose the one with the highest EQ.
It's spring down here in south Texas! When I pulled into the driveway today, I was surprised to see that my lawn is green. It comes so suddenly here, and so early. I grew up in the MidWest, and I miss the seasons. In fact I took a friend of mine to lunch the other day, who lives in Pennsylvania, but winters here, and she said, "How do you ever know what season it is? Or what month? Do you have to stop and think?"
I do. You just don't have that "feel" you do in a place with seasons. When she asked, I had to stop and figure out what month it was. It makes for a sense of "timelessness." We know it's Halloween because of the things we see inside (decorations), not the things we see and feel outside - - the weather.
When my friend asked me that question, I realized I'd never asked a native Texas about this phenomenon ... and I'm not sure how to ask it.
This shades right into "multiculturalism" and how different people can be. I would like to know what their experience is like, and will have to find the right words, the right questions.
I guess I'll ask, "Do you always know what month it is?" and then, "How?" All the time I'll be thinking of a wonderful life experience I've had, that they haven't.
My "northern" friends and I get particularly misty-eyed when we talk about fall . . . the smells, the feel, the special slant of the sun's rays.
We all have unique experiences like this, that leave an imprint almost in our cells. We do this with emotions as well. Things we hook up that no one else would, things we expect to happen that someone else wouldn't, and vice versa.
When I ask someone a question, I expect the other person to be delighted to answer, and to want to teach me what they know. I'm always (still) so surprised when they show no interest, or give an offhand response, or don't know how to teach, or show. My parents were great "teachers", so that's what I expect.
I've been around quite a few years, and I still have that expectation, and still get that "twinge" when it doesn't occur, like "something's not right here." Like fall's supposed to be here, and it isn't.
That's a deep limbic connection for me, strong because it was formed in childhood. Despite numerous experiences to the contrary (sadly), I still expect that if I ask someone politely to explain something to me, or show me how to do something, they won't just do it, but they'll enjoy doing it. That's a nice expectation I have. I have others that aren't pleasant, don't you?
One of my clients was the oldest daughter in a large family She does not expect to be given any help. As a kid, her mom was always busy with the younger ones. She was told to take care of it for herself, OR to help the younger ones. She's carried that over into the workplace, with predictable results. She does too much without recognition, she spend time helping others without asking for it in return, so she's resentful, and she fails to "bother" her boss, even when it's quite justified.
In EQ, we fiddle with those connections. Sometimes we have "hook ups" that don't work for us, like the child who was bit by a dog and thinks all dogs bite, so unless there's some intervention, they'll never go near a dog again, and think what they'll miss.
Take the EQ Alive! Program and find out more about your connections and feelings, how they work, how they can be changed or strengthened, how to manage your emotions for a better emotional lifestyle, and what the benefits to yourself and others would be.
Mailto:email@example.com for more information or visit me on the web at www.susandunn.cc .
Posted by Susan Dunn, M.A. at 6:03 PM