Monday, April 03, 2006

Taking Criticism

ESCAPING CRITICISM is the name of this painting by Casso. It was done before 1900 ... some things never change.

I'm reminded of the client I was talking with about criticism. I asked him how he tolerated positive criticism.

His reply was, "To be honest, I don't like any kind of criticism."

I think he speaks for all of us.

I don't know anyone who hasn't been subjected to at least one tongue-lashing in their life, usually by someone they loved, needed, and were dependent on in some way. It leaves a bad taste in the mouth, something we never forget.

It is damaging and hurtful when done poorly, and devastating when mangled and involving feelings. When someone criticizes our feelings, i.e., rejects them, we feel invalidate to the core, because we are our feelings.

The choices are NOT for the Giver of the Criticiam to (1) pull their punches and therefore deliver ambiguity, or (2) go full out and take no prisoners.

The options for the Taker of the Criticism are NOT to (1) accept the abusive criticism and swallow it whole, or (2) put disappear behind body armor, or (3) lash back.

There are multitudes of options around those mentioned.

You can learn ways to make a "criticism" a dialogue where someone might actually learn something useful - - including perhaps most of all, the one bent on doing the criticizing.

We have simple exercises you can practice that will improve your EQ. We combine this with theory, so you will know how to apply what you learn to the myriad of unpredictable situations that will come up in real life that you can't anticipate ahead of time, nor can I.

That's why we deliver our EQ Alive! Program, materials and coaching in ways that are broadly applicable once you learn the principles.

It's like learning to drive a car. No, let's take learning how to take care of a baby. When you bring her home from the hospital she isn't able to say, "My diaper's wet and I hate it." She screams. You stumble upon the solution. But you don't want to have to be so lost, so you begin to grasp a principle, which is, babies don't have language, so your communication will be through nonverbals. This means touching, tone of voice, and manners of handling.

Another application? When she's lonely she screams. You can't sit there reading your newspaper and yell across the room, "You're fine, I'm right here." You have to walk over, pick her up and hold her.

Fortunately because of the limbic connection (learn more about this in the EQ Alive! program), you're both attuned to this manner of communication, you and the baby both, as long as you go with your heart and not your intellect.

It pays to improve Emotional Intelligence and you can't do it alone. A higher EQ will benefit you every day. It will improve your work, stress levels, relationships, leadership skills, wellness, and a host of other things. You'll wonder how you got along without out, and at the same time understand why you couldn't. EQ can be more important in life than IQ, and, unlike IQ, EQ can be learned.

Come learn it with me. You'll LOVE it. Everyone does. That's why I love coaching it.

WONDERING HOW YOUR EQ IS? One way to find out is to take the EQ-Map.

The EQ-
is fast, affordable, and available online. If that link doesn't work, copy and paste into your browser: .

When you get your results back, give me a call - 210-496-0678, or email me at . You'll be glad you did, and so will your partner, children, colleagues, friends and boss. But most of all YOU!

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