Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Divorced and Dejected - 5 Powerful Reasons to be Proud of Yourself
Copyright 2005 Flaming Life Coaching INC.
A painful divorce usually leaves people at the end of their
This is understandable, considering the amount of energy
that goes into making concessions, holding it together and
completely miss-managing your emotions.
Every life changes, wanted or unwanted ultimately play a
"roller coaster" on our emotions.
For the majority of people, ending a marriage is a huge
step. Thus most people would rather remain in an unhappy
marriage than leave.
If however, you find the courage to let go of an unhappy
marriage or are forced into doing so, the following reasons
can help remount your morale quickly.
1. You can have compassion for yourself. I'm convinced that
when you got married, your intention wasn't to divorce at
Your primary reason for getting married was to share your
life happily with your chosen partner. Even it didn't turn
out that way.
None of us has all the answers or control over our lives,
least of all, over the lives of others.
We can only learn to accept what we cannot change. When you
made your vows, you alone knew what it meant to you at the
2. You can stop feeling like a failure, because you're
not! Life is about learning and growing.
Don't get intimidated by statistics quota and let go of the
image of fitting into a model.
You possess all the capabilities to create a great life for
yourself even after a divorce! And don't you believe
Failure only occurs if you give up on yourself. If you're
still hurting, give yourself time to heal. Learn to forgive
yourself and move on when you feel ready.
3. You can start celebrating your success as a free and
As beautiful and fulfilling a great marriage can be, you
don't require someone else to make you complete.
I once pointed out to a client that his wife leaving him
could be exactly what he needed. This could get him to
start thinking about his own needs and taking charge of his
Sometimes people get sucked into their marriage and
completely lose sight of their own identity. I am not
saying that you shouldn't commit to your marriage.
Think about this for a moment: you had an identity before
you got married and you still had that identity after
marriage, so why give it up?
You owe it to yourself and deserve to evolve to your best
possibility in your own time.
Sadly enough, most couples seem to forget this. Especially
those who marry very young.
4. You can give yourself some credit for facing up to the
truth and ending what was no longer fulfilling to you or
It requires true honesty and courage to "pull out the
plug," face your chagrin and be consequent.
There are a number of people living in unfulfilling
marriages, as a result of fear of being alone.
Evidences also show that some people remain in their
marriage for circumstantial reasons or based on mutual
Pat yourself on the back and feel proud of being strong
enough to stand on your own. You now have a great time
ahead of you. A time to get re-acquainted with YOU and your
5. You can be determined to see this new phase as a time of
Envisage your future as an opportunity to examine other
exciting areas of life.
Have a sense of purpose and focus on making the best use of
How many times have you taken a decision in the past quite
uncertain about its outcome? Only to realize later on that
it was one of your best decisions ever. This could be one
of those times.
Who knows, you might even discover new values deeply hidden
As you can see, viewing your divorce from the right right
perspective is essential for your inner healing. This can
help you let go of guilt and self persecution. The sooner
you can begin to perceive yourself as someone of worth, the
quicker you can relinquish the past. Thereby you can focus
fully in the present to create a more fulfilling life.
About the Author:
Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life
Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition,
turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and
happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to
Embrace Change and Grow at:
e-Changes.html or: mailto: email@example.com
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Posted by Susan Dunn, M.A. at 9:02 PM