Happy Halloween

Make your own slide shows and scrapbooks

IQ, EQ, Comments of James Watson

I'm going to lead you to a thoughtful article on the Internet, but first --
I'm into EQ (which can matter more than IQ). Let me begin by saying that there is no intelligence test on the face of the earth that isn't culturally biased. It is also a fact that people are "prejudiced." (The root is "pre judging.") It's how we get along in the world, assumptions -- this includes being "prejudiced" about being alone in dark alleys ... being prejudiced against any situation that might harm us.

It's human nature, and what keeps us alive. Sometimes it's true and it works. Sometimes, the opposite. Always consider your assumptions and check them out!

The great George Washington Carver said to be kind to all, because at some time in your life you will be all (rich, poor, old, young), and my slant on that is that at some time in life you will vface prejudice. In the workplace, you will be young for the job, or too old, according to someone's assessment of the situation. They will assume (if too young) that you can't handle responsiblity and stress and they will assume (if too old) that you can't learn quickly, and can't remember things. Neither of these might be true of you, the individual! This person doesn't like Arabs. This person doesn't like Arabs who are Sunis. People's assumptions about whatever group they put you in are learned, but they are deeply ingrained.

So, at some time in your life, you will encounter prejudice.

Ask anyone who just moved even if within the same state. The newcomer is always anathema for a while. We need to get to know one another, look the other person over, find out if its safe, and find out what they are truly like.

I have coached people in emotional intelligence all over the world and there is an instant connection at the emotional level.

This well-thought out article called "How Racism Affects [Effects?] IQ" begins with:

"Closing the education gap between races requires a critical look at early education and health care disparities -- not unfounded statements that black people are less intelligent," begins this thoughtful article.

In the middle, it reads:

That's why I never asked for help in school. I wrongly thought that asking for help amounted to an admission that black people were, in fact, inferior, as was periodically pronounced from the ivory towers of academia and other corners of the race-conscious IQ industry.

Fortunately, I was able to flip that negativity into motivation. But when I read about the remarks made recently by the esteemed biologist James Watson, I winced at the thought of how many black youngsters might continue to internalize the destructive but persistent message that they are inherently less intelligent. And I wonder if they too will turn that negativity into motivation.

And it ends with:

In the meantime, I've got to build up my three year-old son's EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) to counter the likelihood that his IQ will be questioned someday simply because of his skin color.

To red the full article, go here:
AlterNet: Rights and Liberties: How Racism Affects IQ
The writer gives examples that refute Watson's statement, but he also gives remedies.

Since you will likely be in some group about which there is prejudice at one time (or many times) in your life, why not build up your own emotional intelligence. Take THE EQ COURSE. If you're a parent, it's particularly important. You can't teach what you don't know.

Become an emotional intelligence coach. www.susandunn.cc/coachcertification.htm or email me for information - sdunn@susandunn.cc . Then you'll really know it -- and can pass it along. :-)

Email me for coaching! It's the most effective way to increase your EQ!

Aging Well: The end of the masquerade party

Let me help you plan your retirement. I have been chosen ADULT & SENIOR DEVELOPMENT EXPERT for self growth, the largest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by google and yahoo.

Many people who take THE EQ COURSE call it the missing piece. Other people talk about how finally they feel alive (and I've heard this from all ages - 20-80).

As you plan your retirement, whether you plan to keep working or not, don't just pay attention to the stock market and the IRA, plan for the most important part -- coming in to your own, being authentic, finding meaning in your life. My specialty!

60 is the new 40!

"The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party, when the masks are dropped." Arthur Schopenhauer

"Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young."
Samuel Ullman

Retirement coaching ... transitions ... emotional intelligence. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

4 Big Problems we face

Solve 4 Biggies

The more we all know about energy, the better, say Paul Riehemann on his blog, Solve 4 Biggies:

Facts and information rule. Check out this article on Grinning Planet. It lists (and links to) nine quizzes on energy topics in order of overall quality. The difficultly level (1 - 10) for each quiz is listed as well as comments. For example, "A bit Brit, but a very nicely done energy quiz, with informative pop-ups and some fun things for you to get sidetracked by."Enjoy.....and learn. I did (would have liked to score higher on a couple though....)

Pass it on!

Beauty Tips!

Whether of not this is 'true' it is lovely and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.
If so, pass it on!

From today's mailbag:

Here is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips." It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your good with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People,
even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.

Remember if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your warms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands:
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Dance on!

Argue in a Way that Improves Your Health

The reason I chose to specialize in emotional intelligence is because it is the bottom line in WELLNESS.

As the article on yahoo says, "How to Argue ... and Actually Improve Your Health."

But you have to know how to argue right. If you have concerns, takes my EQ COURSE, it is all about anger management, AND YOUR HEALTH.

From the article:

Authentic.
When couples argue, they tend to get caught up in the "who, what, when, and why" of the argument, rather than truly expressing what the argument really makes them feel. Instead, couples should be more descriptive of their feelings, because that's the crux of the issue. For instance, rather than "I can't believe you were late for dinner and didn't call me! This is just like last month when you [insert past indiscretion here]." A better way to truly express your real feelings about your partner's lack of punctuality would be to say, "It makes me sad when you are late and I don't know where you are. I get worried and feel sick to my stomach."

For the rest of the article go here:
How to Argue...and Actually Improve Your Health - The Art of Intimacy on Yahoo! Health

Halle Berry Blows It: Low Emotional Intelligence

Halle ... what was she thinking?
She wasn't!
"Oh my God," she said after the remark, "have I just like ruined my career?"

The 4 key elements to Emotional Intelligence are:
Self awareness
Self management
Social awareness
Relationship management

Clearly Halle Berry did not self manage well here, and what about the social awareness? She blurted out a derogatory comment about Jews on the Jay Leno show.

There was some good damage control showing some EQ after-the-fact:

Also helping to defuse the situation was Halle's quick and seemingly sincere mea
culpa. "I so didn't mean to offend anybody -- and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did," a "near tears" Berry told the New York Post.

But then she blew it again.

According to the article: "Too bad she didn't stop there. Instead, she rambled on, citing the influence of one of her Bat Mitzvah-celebrating minions for the gaffe. "

When you learn more about emotional intelligence, self-sabotaging remarks are less likely .

TAKE THE EQ COURSE and learn more. Click here to register and pay. VISA and personal checks also accepted. Cost is $199.99.

"Oh my God," she said after the remark, "have I just like ruined my career?"

Don't let this happen to you. Take the EQ Course NOW.

Read the full article here: MSN Entertainment - Hot Gossip

When You're Too Smart for Your Own Good

From tody's mailbag, a great joke that illustrates a point about emotional intelligence. If you are all intellect and forget to THINK, you can really get yourself in to trouble.

A priest, a drunk and an engineer are about to be guillotined. Each one is asked in turn how he wants to die, face up or face down.

The priest is first to go the block. He says he wants die face up so can spend his last moments looking up to heaven. Down comes the blade, but there's a hitch and it stops 6 inches from his neck.

The executioner decides that it's a sign from God and decides to free him.

The drunk is next on the block. He can't remember the question so just says I'll do it the way the other guy did. The blade stops again, six inches from his beck, and the executioner sets him free too.

Then it's the engineer's turn. He's smart enough to go with a winning strategy as well. As he lies there watching the blade come crashing down, he gets an "ah-ha" moment. "Wait!," he says. "I think I know what's wrong with it !!! The cable's binding right here—."

It's a shame to be smart and dead.

To learn more about EQ and how it can help you succeed (and not self-sabotage), take THE EQ COURSE. eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information. Click HERE to register. VISA and personal check also accepted.

What Happens When You Give Up Wanting Something?

Want to be a coach, the ideal profession? I train and certify coaches worldwide in an all long-distance program, by Phone and email, with support material on the Internet. THE IDEAL PROFESSION can be yours. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for information. Completely individualized to meet your personal goals and Aspirations.

ARE YOU DISCOURAGED BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING SOMETHING YOU WANT?

From today's mailbag:

Hi Susan,

I read your blog post.

Giving up what you want is sometimes really hard. I fought it for a long time, because my kids were all wrapped up in it too and it doesn't matter that they're all grown up. As a mom, you never stop wanting things to be good for your kids!

I am an American living in Canada, married to a Canadian man. We met and got married in Nova Scotia, I had been living in Washington State. After living in NS for 2 years, I decided I wanted to be closer to my 2 grown sons and the grandchildren I had never met! So I started planning a move. I thought I had it so together. I decided in 2006 that I wanted to be in British Columbia by fall. I figured out how much money my husband and I would have to save to move, figured it out as to how much he would have to be earning and so forth. I researched all the moving options, moving vans, driving ourselves across country, planes, trains, how to get our cats there, searching for a house rental online, and so on.

As the summer progressed, my husband's work situation fell apart. The construction industry in NS, like so much else there, was seasonal and unreliable. Not only were we not saving money, but we were getting behind in paying our bills. Then my younger son announced he was getting married in September and wanted me to be there. This pushed my own deadline ahead at least a month. I stressed and stretched every dollar, worried my brain to death trying to figure it out, then decided to just give up on the timing of it all. If I didn't try to make it happen by September, or by any time, at least I wouldn't be so stressed.

The Universe knew my intentions, my desires, and that would just have to be enough.

This is remarkable, I'm still awed at how this worked...but that same day my husband came home, and before I said anything to him, told me that his work partner wanted to move to B.C. with us. All of a sudden the possibilities opened back up, we could split all the expenses, including renting a house, plus we would arrive with a business partner, always helpful.From there, it all fell into place. My older son said I could come stay with him and his family and go to the wedding with them, then stay with them until I found a house of my own. Then his (Canadian) wife got her mother looking for a house for us in BC, which she ended up finding and sharing with me. The landlord turned out to be a former client of hers, who waived all deposits because he knew her so well (she was his accountant; can't get any more reliable than that!). Meanwhile, my husband and his partner made it as far as Calgary, Alberta and went to work there, and eventually this is where I ended up too. It's a quick 1 1/2 hour plane flight to see my sons, and we're both making a ton of money here, it's like a gold rush, so I can visit them as often as I like.

We went from poverty and loneliness 5000 miles from my family, to moving closer, getting out of debt, and making good money, within a year, once I just "gave it up".-- Kathryn Beach Calgary, Alberta

Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing this with us.

For coaching call 817-734-1471. One-time sessions, by phone or email, or extended contract Just ask.

Do You Use Negative Attention-Getting Techniques?

One sure way to get attention (and we all like getting attention) is to talk about your problems, how bad things are, how you've been mistreated, how unfair the world is, how inept your associate is, that you can't get good help, and other negative things.

However, there is a very high price to getting attention in this way. There's the obvious one - people don't like to hear it, will perceive you a "victim," and either avoid you, and also it's just human nature that we think our problems are because of fate or circumstances, while the OTHER person's problems are because of something in their character or something they've done wrong. (See psych. research on "attribution).

But the even higher price is that you are focused on your own negative things.

Talk about a good way to get STUCK!

Working on your attitude is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. It will open up your world. Change yourself (including thoughts and beliefs and emotions) and you change your world.

Take THE EQ COURSE and learn more.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or call 817-734-1471 for immediate assistance.

Coaching by phone or by email, one session at a time. Pay as you go. Sometimes it only takes one session with me!!

Dealing with Alcoholism during the Holidays (or any time)

Unfortunately many of us will be dealing with alcoholism during the holidays - with family members and relatives. If it's in your family history, or dealing with it will be part of "the holidays" for you, coaching is available, also the DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE course. (email me for information, sdunn@susandunn.cc)

And here is a very good summary article written by an addictions therapist.

PREDISPOSITION TO ALCOHOLISM: WHAT'S IN YOUR GENES?

Certainly the popular notion that alcoholism may be inherited from our parents has gained momentum in recent times. This is not a new school of thought by any means, but it has gained creditability as a result of detailed investigations that have been carried out in the name of science these past decades.

There is no question that typically a pattern emerges where a tendency to alcoholism and alcohol related problems do affect siblings and generations within a family. By no means does this conclusively indicate that alcoholism or alcohol related problems will plague you because you inherited the gene from a parent.

On the other hand, there are many genetically inherited characteristics that have been proven to impact on the likelihood of an individual becoming a statistic of alcoholism related concerns. It is understood that the predisposition to alcoholism may be contributed by a number of factors including genetic makeup and social or environmental aspects.

As yet, there has not been a breakthrough in the discovery of a particular alcoholic gene but there have been significant findings in the relationship between some inherited genes that are known to be present in a vast number of alcoholics studied. 5-HTT (the serotonin transporter gene), the gene found in depression sufferers is one example of an inherited gene shared by many alcoholics.

The presence of this gene also does not doom a person to depression. Like alcoholism, social and environmental factors are very evident in the reflection of the condition upon an individual.

Another genetically inherited characteristic that has a relationship to alcoholism is a variation in our liver enzymes that controls the rate that our liver processes alcohol. Alcoholism is considered to be a complex disease as is diabetes, meaning that genetic makeup alone does not automatically lead to alcoholism; social environmental influences contribute to the disease's presence.

We typically learn our social skills from within our families from birth. It is here that we learn right from wrong and acceptable social behavior. If a family get together is learned from our childhood conditioning as being an event that alcohol is consumed for the merriment of all this becomes imprinted in our minds as the nature of social interaction. The same principle applies to all other occasions and daily events. Certainly social conditioning is learned from all that we are exposed to, not just our immediate family. I

ndeed, visual repetitive learning is a valuable and effective teaching tool; unfortunately, it is not so selective as to be able to dismiss the negative influence also.

Environmental factors that often reflect a tendency toward alcoholism do not fall squarely in the home of a family. Habitual behavior and life choices remain the responsibility of an individual. If your mother was an alcoholic, and the family drank to excess at home and socially, this does not absolve an individual of responsibility from the choices they make for themselves.

Science has not finished with alcoholism. Certainly medical communities are diligently pressing on with the hope that one day this disease that destroys mankind from the inside out and devastates entire families and the loved ones of sufferers may one day be completely understood. We do know that genetics does contribute some to the condition of alcoholism, and do know that the presence of the disease is generated from complex factors including genetic and social environment, but there is still much to be learned.

In the mean time, we may be grateful that help and support is available when someone is willing to accept it.

If you need help, please seek it.

About the Author (required to print): Pick up your Free 101 page Addiction Recovery Help Guide just for visiting our site. Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading treatment center, teaching healthy recovery skills. Visit: http://www.AddictionRecoveryBasics.com .

You may also wish to read Susan' s ebook, EQ and Addiction: the 14th Step - http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .

Email for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc . I will be working all holidays, nights and weekends.

How to Get What you Want

Ram Dass, spiritual teacher, author and professor said:

"The most exquisite paradox ... as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dream possible."

Let me show you how, what, when why and where to "give it all up." It's what I do - coaching you, so you can get what you want. My specialty is STRATEGY.

Email for free mini-coaching session, sdunn@susandunn.cc\ and mention this offer.

Take THE EQ COURSE - anger management, emotional intelliegence, better relationships, more success at work. Why not give this course to a friend or loved one for Christmas? Email me and I will send a beautiful ift card.

I work all holidays.
Take THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COURSE now and be prepared for the holidays, because .... guess who's coming to dinner? There are all sorts of testimonials on my website about these courses. They really work.


Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Clues He's Interested in You

I've been chosen ATTRACT YOUR DREAM PARTNER for a major website. In the mailbag every day are questions -- Does he like me? What does this mean? Why does she do this?

One of the most confusing thing people do (both men and women), when they are interested in someone, is to ignore them. This is treating you differently and special, if you think about it. Sometimes you're at a meeting or party, and the guy that's been flirting with you all of a sudden just goes blank, and it's like he isn't there.

It is Sign #3 in this person's article:

Sign #3: He ignores you at odd times: If he is unsure about how you feel about him, he may actually try ignoring you at certain times. He may be nervous about what to say, or he could be afraid that you will catch a glimpse in his eyes of how he really feels about you.

I think it is also a natural reaction, for men, especially - when they aren't sure of themselves and what they're doing, they do nothing.

More from this article:

Are you actively flirting with a guy you see frequently buthaving trouble knowing for sure whether he might want to get together? It can be frustrating not knowing whether he may feel the same way as you do. Wouldn't it be great to be able to read his mind? While that may not be possible, there are a number of telltale signs that he is probably very interested.

Here are 7 of those signs: Sign #1: He uses your name often when he speaks to you: If helikes you, your name is literally music to his ears and he willwant to say it often. It makes him feel good to say your name.

Sign #2: He tends to brush up against or touch you: Those little innocent brushes in the hallway or light touches on theshoulder at your desk are not by accident. They are ways of being closer to you and are a prelude to more intimate physicaltouching.

For the rest of the article go HERE.

About The Author: Want to bring that special person back into your life? Here is a guide that has helped many others like you to fall in love again: http://www.Earth-Matters.com/

Susan is a Dating Coaching, with specialty on the latest, and Internet dating. For a free mini-session, email her at sdunn@susandunn.cc and mention this offer.

Getting coaching for yourself is one of the most important things you will ever do!

Don't ask WHY, ask HOW, WHEN, WHO and WHERE in coaching

People who go to therapists are often asking "why." That's unfortunate, because it is rarely the right question to want answered, and not even the smartest question to ask. For one thing, it is stuck squarely in the past -- and will keep you stuck there. You can spend years trying to answer "why" questions in therapy, and then still not know WHAT to DO!

Coaching on the other hand deals with questions like HOW (can I get a better job), WHO will help me with this problem), WHEN is the best time to pop the question, WHERE should I move, WHAT can give me a successful retirement ...

I have incredible smart clients, and rarely am I asked WHY. Everyone kind of knows it's a waste of time if you want to go forward in your life. Coaching is about going forward, meeting goals, getting where you want to go ...

Today's guest article is
Stuck In Life? Stop Asking This Question
by Bonnie McFarland

"Why?" seems like a good question, doesn't it? I certainly used to think so. I've asked "Why?" often in my life so I must have thought it was a good question. Or maybe I never had thought about it or noticed what happened when I asked that particular question. Over time, I've gone from the questions of a toddler (Why isthe sky blue?) to the questions of a child (Why did my dog die?) to the questions of an adult ("Why did that man break up with me?).

"Why?" used to be one of my favorite questions. Not any more. A few years ago someone offered me a very different perspective on "Why?" I started paying attention to what happened when Iasked myself or others this simple question. I noticed that"Why?" was very seldom a useful question. In fact, I discovered it was often a question that worked against me. Now I do my best to not ask myself or others "Why?"

Why Not Ask Why? In your internal conversations, are you asking yourself "Why?" on a regular basis? Why do I want that? Why am I feeling depressed? Why can't I be satisfied with the job I have? Why can't I figure out what I want in life? Why did I say that? Though you may not realize it, (I certainly didn't!) there's ajudgment implied in the question. "Why?" is really more like"What's the matter with me?" or "Why can't I be different than I am?" When you ask yourself "Why?" you experience (subtly or not so subtly) one or more of the following: * You're in your head: analyzing, trying to figure out the answer. Even if you don't know (and much of the time we truly don't know the "real reason" we're thinking, saying, doing, or wanting something) you'll do your best to come up with ananswer. Even if you have to make it up!

* You hear the implied judgment and so you start down that road. You criticize or blame yourself. You rationalize. Youjustify. You feel defensive, bad, wrong, or wronged.

* Your energy is drained. Rarely, rarely, rarely do you get an answer to "Why?" that helps you move forward. More likely, asking "Why?" will get you stuck and off track. It takes your focus away from where you're going and how to get there, leaving you circling around in your mind. Asking "Why?" stops you. It gets in the way of creating more of what you truly want.

For the rest of the article go HERE.

Author: Bonnie Farland works with women at midlife who are bored, stuck, or restless and wondering what to do withthe rest of their lives. Visit http://www.labellavia.com/ for her free e-book and ezine if you want to create more pleasure, passion, and purpose in your life.

Coaching can get you unstuck! For a free mini-coaching session, email me to set an appointment - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Why not??

Susan has been chosen Adult and Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth, the biggest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by google and yahoo. Email her for coaching and find out what you've been missing - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Susan is also Attract Your Dream Partner for expert.com, and Ask the EQ Expert for WebPro News.

The Skill of someone like Kanemoto II

I am reading John Keegan's A History of Warfare, considered perhaps the most remarksable study of warfar ever written (The New York Times Book Review). He spends a lot of time dubunking what it actually a misquote of Clausewitz, but nevertheless ...

Did you know?

First-quality samurai swords were the best edged weapons that have ever been made. Observes a historian of the anti-gunpowder campaign:

There exists in Japan a film showing a machine-gun barrel being sliced in half by a sword from the forge of the great 15th century maker Kanemoto II. If this seems improbable, one must remember that smiths like Kanemoto hammered and folded and rehammered, day after day, until a sword blade contained something like four million layrs of finely forged steel."

Click here to order Keegan's History of Warfare.

Is business like war. Yes and no. However, both require strategy. I work with many executives and professionals on strategy and leadership skills. Strategy is on of my top strengths on the StrengthsFinder. For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

There is nothing that replaces a good strategy ... except the leadership skills to implement it.

Clausewitz on Love (Strategy that wins)

WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO WIN THAN WAR AND WOMEN?
Carl von Clausewitz is arguably the best military strategist who ever lived. But if you read about his love affair with his wife, you will see that strategy is strategy and winning is winning. And it will may you rethink the term "emotional intelligence."

See my new ebook "Clausewitz on Winning Women" - email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to order or click HERE.
















Carl von Clausewitz, Prussian officer who fought against the French in the Napoleanis wars, and was a master military strategist

“At the heart of strategy there must be a heart that knows what to do with strategy."
-- von Clausewitz

Here is the last love letter he wrote his wife of many years, shortly before he died in a cholera epidemic in 1831:

What causes me deep sorrow is that I did not take greater care of you—it was not my fault. I thank you, dear angel, for the help you have given me in life,

When I first beheld you, I felt
As though in the presence of an angel’s majesty
I trembled through and through
And my heart whispered a childlike prayer;
Stay, kind stranger, stay here in this world below;
Through your eyes‘ beautiful gaze, bless and
Lead me back to life’s tranquil peace
From all the storms of life!
You gave me your hand in friendship
Under an angel’s protective wing
Our path sings gently through life
And in heaven resides our bliss
Do you recognize these lines?

They were there at the outset of our alliance, and should be there at the end, as well. I embrace you dear angel, until we meet again in better circumstances.
__________________

Carl von Clausewitz was a 19th-century Prussian general and is considered by many to be the great military strategist who ever lived. He was studied by Eisenhower, Kissinger, Patton, Chairman Mao, and others.

Clausewitz sought to understand and analyse the phenomenon of war so that future leaders could conduct and win conflicts more effectively.

He studied not only the tactical and technological side of war, but also the human and social factors. Two things he mentions which favor winning, which you might now expect to hear are, the assistance of the people and the use of great moral forces.

What is wonderful to those of us who most strategize, teach others to, and strategize for others, are his real-world insights.

1. "Yet this is nothing but wretched book learning," he says
2. "If you wish to enter that theater of strategy you must abandon all hope of finding the certainties and control to which they are accustomed in other pursuits and consider the surrender of such hopes as a rite of passage in strategy."
3. Friction – unexpected interference – is what makes the seemingly easy so difficult. It is inevitable. "…[T]he general [and the rest of us trying to do anything] must have knowledge of friction in order to overcome it, where possible, and in order not to expect a level of precision in his operations that simply cannot be achieved owing to this very friction."
4. Negativity capacity, that it is not always clear - "being at ease when in bafflement or doubt and not seeking escapes at any cost."
5. "The weaker the defender's morale, the more brazen the attack must be."
6. The nature of "military genius" involces matters of personality and character, beyond intellect
7. "Given the same amount of intelligence, timidity will do a thousand times more damage than audacity."
8. "If you entrench yourself behind strong fortifications, you compel the enemy seek a solution elsewhere."
9. WAITING
10. "Never forget that no military leader has ever become great without audacity. If the leader is filled with high ambition and if he pursues his aims with audacity and strength of will, he will reach them in spite of all obstacles."
11. "The majority of people are timid by nature, and that is why they constantly exaggerate danger. All influences on the military leader, therefore, combine to give him a false impression of his opponent's strength, and from this arises a new source of indecision."
12. "After we have thought out everything carefully in advance and have sought and found without prejudice the most plausible plan, we must not be ready to abandon it at the slightest provocation. Should this certainty be lacking, we must tell ourselves that nothing is accomplished in warfare without daring; that the nature of war certainly does not let us see at all times where we are going; that what is probable will always be probable though at the moment it may not seem so; and finally, that we cannot be readily ruined by a single error, if we have made reasonable preparations."
13. "War is the province of chance. In no other sphere of human activity must such a margin be left for this intruder. It increases the uncertainty of every circumstance and deranges the course of events."
14. "The best form of defense is attack."
15. "There is only one decisive victory: the last."
16. "No one starts a war-or rather, no one in his senses ought to do so-without first being clear in his mind what he intends to achieve by that war and how he intends to conduct it."
17. "Pursue one great decisive aim with force and determination."
18. "If the enemy is to be coerced, you must put him in a situation that is even more unpleasant than the sacrifice you call on him to make. The hardships of the situation must not be merely transient - at least not in appearance. Otherwise, the enemy would not give in, but would wait for things to improve."
19. With strategy one does not see at least half the situation with one’s own eyes, rather, everything must be guessed at ad resumed, which decreases one’s level of conviction. As a result most generals become bogged down in ineffectual fears when they should be taking action.
    

Clausewitz love affair with his wife was well-known in Prussian society, and his private life was exemplary. Read more about his "strategy" for love in my ebook, Clausewitz on Winning Women. Mailto:sdunn@susandun.cc.

You will also want to read

ON WAR, by von Clausewitz

Or click HERE to order.

and a great short compilation of his theories, particularly applied to the business world, called

Clausewitz on Strategy: Inspiration and Insight from a Master Strategist
by the Strategy Institute of the Boston Consulting Group



or click HERE

Leo Hurwicz, Nobel Prize, resounding emotional intelligence

At the age of 90, Leonid "Leo" Hurwicz has received the Nobel Prize for Economics, the oldest person to receive this honor.

Leo Hurwicz was born in 1917 and received his LL.M. (master of laws degree) from Warsaw University, Poland in 1938. Was this to be his destiny in life? No, in 1939 he was studying at the London School of Economics, and already was working in his chosen field of economics, with several publications in the pipeline (first came out in 1944).

Hurwicz' life was not an easy one. His Jewish family was displaced to Moscow a few months before the October Revolution, and then returned to Warsaw. According to wikipedia, "After the start of the Second World War, he was forced to move to Portugal, and finally to the United States. When Hitler invaded Poland, Hurwicz became a refugee and continued his studies at Harvard and the University of Chicago. His parents and brother fled Warsaw only to be arrested and sent to Soviet labor camps."

By 1977, Hurwicz was teaching at the University of Minnesota, where he taught for more than half a century (since 1951), and was named Distinguished Fellow of the American Economic Association.

Hurwicz continued his work, and also his dedication to teaching and helping others. In the 50s, he worked with Kenneth Arrow, who became the youngest person to receive the Nobel Economics prize (in 1972). Later, he was the graduate advisor to Daniel McFadden, who received the Economics prize in 2000.

Hurwicz remained steadfast on his path of studying Economics, teaching it, and fostering the growth of others. Accounts of his emotional intelligence are resounding.

According to Minnesota Public radio, he is "known as a gentle and supportive soul with a demanding intellect." One of his colleagues, V. V. Chari described him as "humble ... [h]e treated everybody as his intellectual equal, even though the vast majority of us were not." Chari said Hurwicz' experiences and his ability to connect with ordinary people shaped his high-performing intellect.

U of M President Robert Bruininks said Hurwicz characteristically downplayed his own accomplishments. He also described him as a "very humble person" who was deeply interested in teaching and his students. He described him as "a wonderful, gracious colleague. But through his work, he has had a profound impact on the study of economics around the world."

Typically, when learning of the award, Hurwicz brought it all together. "I really didn't expect it," he said. "There were times when other people said I was on the short list but as time passed and nothing happened I didn't expect the recognition would come because people who were familiar with my work were slowly dying off."

He added, "I realize there's a limit to how many names they can put on a prize, but I just wanted to stress it's not just my own accomplishment but the help, collaboration from these many other people."

In speaking with the Nobel folks on the phone, Hurwicz said, "I hope that others who deserve it also got it, and that of all applications of mechanism design he was most pleased to see it inform welfare economics." (wikipedia.com)

IQ gets us through school. EQ gets us through life.

Want to learn more? Take THE EQ COURSE.
eMail sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE mini-coaching session.

Countries with Highest Suicide Rate, Highest Consumption of Chocolate and more

I love this stuff. Do you? Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for list of all 10 for each category.
EMAIL for free mini-coaching session, sdunn@susandunn.cc.

From today's mailbag:

The deepest oceans in the world, average depth in meters
Pacific, 3,939
Indian, 3,840
Atlantic, 3,575

Longest rivers in the world in kilometers
Nile, 6,693
Amazon 6,436
Yangtze, 6,378

Worlds largest lakes in square kilometers
Caspian Sea, 371,000
Michigan and Huron, 117,610
Superior, 82,100

Largest countries in the world, in million sq. kilometers
Russia, 17.1
Canada, 10.0
China, 9.3
US, 9.2

Countries with most billionaires
US, 269
Japan, 29
Germany, 28
Italy, 17

Top 10 cleanest countries
Finland
Norway
Canada

Countries with greatest population in millions
China, 1,300.0
India 1,080.0
USA, 295.7


Countries with most sirports
US, 14,695
Brasil 3,365
Russia, 2,743

Nations with largest workforce in million eligible workers
China, 767
India, 442
USA, 145

Highest household size
Iraq, 7.7
Equatorial Guinea, 7.5
Pakistan, 6.8

Most births per year, mllions births
India, 24.1
China, 16.7
Nigeria, 5.3

Lowest average birth rates (percent)
Mexico, 9.4
Japan 8.6
Hungary 8.4

Highest life expectance in years
Andorra 83.5
San Marino 81.6
Japan 81.2

Highest death rates per 1,000 population
Botswana 28.92
Angola 25.86
Lesotho 24.79

Highest divorce rates (per 1,000)
Maldives, 10.97
Belarus 4.63
US, 4.34

Countries with higest suicide rate per 100,000 inhabitants per year
Lithuania 42.0
Russia, 37.4
Belarus 35.0
Latvia 34.3

Best European cities to visit
Rome
Florence
Istanbul
Prague

Best honeymoon destinations
Paris
Rome
Venice
Bahamas
Florence

Popular dream cruises
Caribbeans
Alaska
South america
Baltic sea

Top 10 expensive restaurants
Aragawa, Tokyo
Arpege, Paris
Elgensinn farm, Toronto

Most common causes of accidental death
motor vehicle crashes, 43,200
falls 14,900
poisonon 8,000
drowning, 4,000

Bottled water drinking nations in liters per capita
Italy, 177,1
Spain, 156,7
France, 152,5

Biggest alcohol consumption, litres per capita by pop over age 15
Luxembourg, 14.9
Ireland, 14.2
Portugal, 13.0

Best discounty brokers
Fidelity investments 83
Charles schwab 80
e*Trade 676

Best mortgage providers
Countrywide financial corp, 66
bank of amreica, 63
ABN Amro Mortgage, 61

Most popular Cocktails
Sex on the Beach
Orgasm
Manhattan, the original

Art works sold for over $1 million
Picasso, 334
Monet, 249
Renoir, 219

Brightest dogs (understand new commands in less than 5 reps)
Border Collies
Poodle
German Shepherd

Countries with most cows, in millions
India, 226.1
Brazil, 176.5
China, 108.3

Top European Castles
Leeds
Frankenstein
Mont Saint Michel

Ice cream consumers, pint per capita
Australia, 44.3
New Zealand, 33.4
USA, 33

Coffee drinking nations, cups per capita
Finald, 1,686
Denmark, 1,374
Norway, 1,372
Belgium, 1,354

Bread consumers, kg per capita
Ireland, 5.6
UK, 4.8
New Zealand, 2.4

Chocolate consumption, kg per cap
Switzerland, 11.4
UK, 9.5
Belgium, 8.7
Germany, 8.6

Death of a Child

As happens, I was in Sunday School last week and the topic came up about anger with God. One woman said she knew someone who was angry at God. It was someone who had lost their child. No one else had any examples.

This is one of the most beautiful articles I have ever read. I hope it will mean as much to you, as it did to me.
_________________________
GUEST ARTICLE ( do not know the title):

During my first year of college a life-long family friend and mentor tragically lost his son.

Separated by distance, I assumed that his Christian friends, the staff at his church, and his Sunday school class would step in and wrap their arms around him and his wife.


Needless to say I was surprised, one year later, when we were able to finally meet face to face. When I asked him how he and his wife were doing the first words out of his mouth were, “Brian, the church failed us during our greatest time of need.”


Knowing first-hand his maturity and emotional soundness, I was taken back. I thought, “If he said the church failed them, the church must have really failed them.”


Those who experience tragic loss, which I’m sure will include all of us by the time we leave this planet, experience sorrow that defies explanation. C.S. Lewis, struggling to put into words how he felt after losing his wife commented,

“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the yawning.
I keep on swallowing.” (A Grief Observed , p. 19)

And if there was ever someone besides Lewis that couldn’t put their finger on the depth of their grief, it had to be Naomi.

The Book of Ruth tells us that Naomi was happily married to a man named Elimilech and together they had two strong sons, Mahlon and Kilion. As life goes, business took her family to a foreign country-a place called Moab. But even in that distant land their family blossomed. Life was good. Then, without even the faintest hint that heartbreak was standing at her door, Naomi’s husband didn’t return home for dinner. Who could have known that their kiss that morning would have been their last? Her sons eventually married, but even their weddings and talk of children couldn’t take away the emptiness she felt.

Finally, in a cruel twist that even Hollywood wouldn’t script, she lost both of her sons. She was devastated, alone and bewildered. Naomi was so broken that Ruth 1:20 tells us that she began asking people to not call her Naomi (meaning “pleasant”) anymore but Mara (meaning “bitter”).

The bright spot, if there can be a bright spot in someone’s tragic loss, is that there was someone who didn’t leave her. Her name was Ruth, her daughter-in-law. We’re told she didn’t offer any deep theological explanations. [emphasis mine]. There’s no record that she tried to provide the “right word” at the “right time.” All we hear is Ruth’s promise in Ruth 1:16, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay, I will stay.” And that’s exactly what she did.


I never asked my friend what his church could have done differently. I didn’t feel that it was my place. My guess? Unlike Ruth, there were probably too many words and too few visits.


About the Author Brian Jones is the author of Second Guessing God: Hanging on When You Can’t See Plan (March 2006) and the founding Senior Pastor of Christ’s Church of the Valley in Collegeville, PA. More information about his writing and speaking can be found at brianjones.com.
______________________

What helped me when my son died, at the age of 21? Those who just came and stayed. And didn't say anything. My older son arrived at my door with his dog (the beautiful Ygraine, a chocolate Lab), a 25 lbs. bag of dog food, her dish and her bed, and said he'd be back for her some time. My sister who came and stayed. She planted some flowers in my garden. Fixed some meals. Ignored many things. Just was present. They didn't call and ask if they could come, they didn't make any demands.

And remembering to breathe. C.S. Lewis says it's like fear. To me, it was continually feeling like I'd been hit in the solar plexus, unable to breathe. When it hit, I would remind myself to breathe. I guess oxygen helps.

Lance Armstrong, an Inspiration

Coaching, isn't just for athletes any more.

Enjoy this inspirational video from Lance Armstrong. ("Don't ever give up. Live strong.")



"Pain is temporary, it may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, if I quit; however, it lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong is a true motivation for anyone who needs their spirits lifted.

"I think I can pull this out." -- one on my clients going through a very difficult time.

Need coaching? eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

"EVERYTHING IN STRATEGY IS VERY SIMPLE, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE EVERYTHING EASY." -- Carl von Clausewitz

Susan has been chosen Adult and Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth.com, the largest self help portal on the Internet rated #1 by google and yahoo. Susan is Attract Your Dream Partner Expert and Step-Parenting Expert for expert.com, and Ask the EQ Expert for WebProNews.

MY TOP TWO STRENGTHS ON THE STRENGTHSFINDER(r) are Deliberative and Strategic. Let me help you sort it out and plan the strategy that works for you. Strategy is everything!

Personal Life Coaching for all your needs.

Doris Lessing, Novel Prize Winner

Congratulations to Doris Lessing, winner of the Novel Prize at the age of 88. According to wikipedia, Lessing is "only the eleventh woman to win the prize in its 106-year history, and also the oldest person ever to win the literature award."

Among other great accomplishments of her lifetime, here is one that struck me as very meaningful. Why would someone do this?

In 1984, she attempted to publish two novels under a pseudonym, Jane Somers, to demonstrate the difficulty new authors faced in trying to break into print. The novels were declined by Lessing's publisher in the UK but accepted by Knopf in the
US.

My mother, born on October 21, 1919, would have said, "Out of the goodness of her heart."
It is quite a gesture. And good for Knopf in the US. :-)

Perhaps it was part of her Sufi ... I love this quote:

"Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten.
And seeing them... the seeker cried, ‘Great God, how is it that a loving creator
can see such things and yet do nothing about them?’... God said, ‘I did do
something. I made you.’" -- Sufi saying

It's getting near Thanksgiving. If you have been blessed, let your light shine on the corners of someone else's world, as Lessing did.

If you had been trying to get published for years, you would recognize this gesture of hers for what it is.

Married 17 Years

Today's guest article is about what makes a marriage work.

When I first wrote this article, I was married for 14 years. Now, I'm a happily married woman of 17 years! Sometimes I just need to pinch myself. With a family curse of divorces, I never thought I'd find myself married this long, let alone happily married. We've come a long way in 17 years. It hasn't always been a smooth ride, but it's been a good ride.To be honest, I never thought we'd make it this far. While my husband's mom and dad are a great example of what it means to make a commitment and make your marriage work (they'll be celebrating 53 years in November!), my side of the family has a hard time staying married to each other. In fact, I was so afraid we'd be divorced before we hit our one-year anniversary that I kept my maiden name hyphened with my married name for the first 6 months of my marriage.Today, I can honestly say that I don't worry about divorce and haven't for many years. I think hitting the five year anniversary mark and renewing our vows really helped me put things into perspective. But it was my mom's words that really locked things in for me. One day, while talking about how long I've been married and my initial fears, she said to me, "You broke the family curse. I'm proud of the two of you. You've worked so hard for your marriage. You're a good example. I hope your sister will one day find the kind of love and marriage you have. That is my hope for her."

Why has our marriage lasted 17 years?

Only God truly knows the true answer, but I've come up with a few good reasons:

1. We made a commitment to work things out no matter how hard life gets (and believe me we have had some very rocky and treacherous terrain).
2. We took out the word "obey" in our wedding vows and refused to replace it with something else. We believed we were not each other's property, but a team of decision makers.
3. We take the time to apologize—even when we don't want to. And even if it takes some working up to get the apology out, we work on making it happen.
4. We lift each other up to others because lifting each other up reminds us of why we fell in love with each other in the first place.
5. We accept the fact that we both have baggage that we've brought into this marriage and we've agreed to work through that baggage together.
6. We've learned to listen to one another—even when sometimes it's a boring thing to do.
7. We learned to joke about ourselves and each other.
8. We don't intentionally go around hurting each other.
9. We vent to close friends who can keep our vents in confidence and not hold them against our spouse.
10. We've learned to let our guard down with each other.
11. We trust each other and do what we can to keep that trust.
12. We have faith that the Lord brought us together.
13. We love each other and remind each other of this, often.
14. We understand that marriage takes work and commitment and are willing to do our part to make our marriage work until death do us part.

In 17 years of marriage, I've learned that marriages aren't fairy tales made up of bubbly, happy go-lucky days and nights. They are roller coaster rides with lots of ups and downs. But if you really want to keep that "new puppy-love" feeling alive just toss in some one-on-one time, a little romance, and a lot of forgiveness.

Forgive each other for driving each other crazy, for the little wrongs you've done to one another, and for anything else that isn't a "big deal" in the larger scheme of things.

About The Author:Alyice Edrich is the editor of The Dabbling Mum®, a free parenting publication, and the author of several work from home e-books designed to help parents earn extra cash while spending more time with their children. To learn more, visit http://thedabblingmum.com/ebookstore

Family Tension at the Holidays

THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING, and with it comes "family" stress. Let me help you during this time!

Guest article today re: same. Why not prepare with some EQ coaching, The EQ course, or the difficult people course. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Why Anger Rises In The Family (And How To Let It Go)
by Brenda Shoshanna

The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached, dependent or vulnerable, these individuals have the power to affect us deeply. In these relationships our expectations and demands greater.

Images Of The Family
We have strong images of how parents, siblings or children"should" behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and attention from those in the family. Parents have strong feelings that they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because of their roles, (no matter how they treat their children).

Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a"happy family", where everyone loves and cares for each other, and where everyone accepts all of each other's difficulties. Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most part the myth of a happy family is often a dream. Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment, sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations and demands and lack of acceptance.

In fact, families are really fine places to work through a great deal of issues and learn how to individuate, grow, love and accept both others and ourselves.Although many of us blame our parents for all that has gone wrong, the fact is that the parent is not the real culprit. It is the smoldering anger that is being held onto that causes the pain. It is the inability to get over disappointment about not having the parent of our dreams. This anger and disappointment can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life thatbest expresses our values and vision today.

Identity And The Family
A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the tendency each member has to identify with the other. Parents feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also project their worst fears about themselves onto their children, or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments in their own lives. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room there is for differences in most families. Most think that a perfect family is one in which everyone is the same.

Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)
The most vital process that goes on in the family is the process of individuation. This means that as a child grows they are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be separate and different from those they love. Some experience differences between themselves and family members as separation, or even rejection. They do not realize that unless family members become who they are, they will not be able to grow and love. Instead, anger develops, deep resentment and pain. The greatest longing most family members have is being known, heard and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced as love.

Unfulfilled Needs In The Family
For the rest of this article, go here: http://www.isnare.com/html.php?aid=190902

About The Author: Watch stress and sickness melt away on The Anger Diet, award winning book by top psychologist http://www.theangerdiet.com. Dr Shoshanna, speaker, relationship expert, has helped thousands. Free ezine andarticles, http://www.brendashoshanna.com , topspeaker@yahoo.com. Counseling, workshops available.

Susan Dunn has been chosen Adult and Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth, the biggest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by yahoo and google.

Let her help you through the holidays. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Gratitude ... and Perspective

From the mailbag today.

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Military Leadership, Business Leadership

John Keegan, former senior lecturer at the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst in the UK, wrote The Mask of Command, which is about military leadership. He wrote about 4 generals -archetypal hero Alexander the Great, anti-hero Wellington, the unheroic Ulysses S. Grant and the false heroic of Hitler.

Keegan lists the qualities he considers necessary for effective military leadership. Among them, he says EXAMPLE is the most important. He writes, "The first and greatest imperative of command is to be present in person. Those who impose risk must be seen to share it..."

Do you think this is also necessary for effective leadership in the business world? In my ezine, I asked readers to write and tell me what they thought.

From the mailbag:

"My favorite boss was my favorite because she was there with us when the rubber hit the road. I remember one time we had to get something to the federal court and all the electricity went out in the building. She sat out in the parking lot with me while we waited for a courier to come pick up the work. She sure didn't have to do that! Another time we had an impossible deadline on a pleading, and instead of throwing it at us, she went into the workroom and helped us get it all assembled and out the door. And she was always calm at these times. It kept us from getting stressed. She was my hero for being there with us at the worst of times. Other bosses I've had just walked out the door, like they didn't want to be around "it". Well we didn't really, either! I don't know that we really needed her to accomplish these things, but the goodwill it engendered was invaluable. It made us go the extra mile." S.D., San Antonio, Tx

"i only quit one job in my whole work life and that was because the boss was so nervous about everything. he tried to hide it too. every time there was a mess, he would leave. he'd say he had to go to lunch or something. he just didn't want to be there when it got hard we could tell. it got to us after a while." S.G., Durham, N.C.

"My boss is really in an impossible situation. Way in over his head (lots of business), and that makes the whole thing disorganized, but there just isn't time to get organized the way it should be, so it is always behind the 8-ball. It makes the work difficult and high-pressure. But he always stay late with us, and he always orders us dinner, whatever we want. I have been there more than once till midnight, but he is there too, red-eyed like the rest of us. It makes a difference." S.A., Dallas, Texas

Write and tell me what you think - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

How Your Fight with Your Partner (and how they fight with YOU) Effects Your Health (and Theirs)

When they say, "You're going to give me a heart attack," they could be right.

Read the full article here: Marital Spats, Taken to Heart - New York Times
RESEARCH CONFIRMING THAT EMOTIONS EFFECT YOUR WELLNESS ... In interesting ways

The way you fight with your spouse can affect your health (and theirs)

From the article:

--32 percent of the men and 23 percent of the women said they typically bottled up their feelings during a marital spat. In men, keeping quiet during a fight didn’t have any measurable effect on health. But women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times as likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always told their husbands how they felt (from Psychosomatic Medicine).

--Whether the woman reported being in a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage didn’t change her risk.

--According to Dana Crowley Jack, a professor of interdisciplinary studies at Western Washington University in Bellingham, Wash., the self-silencing trait is linked to numerous psychological and physical health risks, including depression, eating disorders and heart disease.

--The emotional tone that men and women take during arguments with a spouse
can also take a toll. The style of argument was a powerful predictor for a man or woman’s risk for underlying heart disease.

--The way the couple interacted was as important a heart risk factor as whether they smoked or had high cholesterol. (Timothy W. Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Utah)

--For women, whether a husband’s arguing style was warm or hostile had the biggest effect on her heart health. A warm style of arguing by either spouse lowered the wife’s risk of heart disease.

--Arguing style affected men and women differently. The level of warmth or hostility had no effect on a man’s heart health. For a man, heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control. And it didn’t matter whether he or his wife was the one making the controlling comments. **

--Cardiovascular risk was only related to the quality of the couple’s bickering style.

**Example: Man arguing with his wife says: “You really should just listen to me on this."

LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS CAN EFFECT YOUR WELLNESS -- AND THAT OF THOSE AROUND YOU. TAKE THE EQ COURSE TO LEARN MORE.

Intermittent Emotional Disorder

Maturity: the elusive detail of personal responsibility by Marsha Petri Sue

From the article:

Maturity is underrated, misunderstood and in a downward spiral. Where will it all end. There is now a new name being given to a disorder that describes people who, in my opinion, don’t use their maturity. It’s called IED or Intermittent Emotional Disorder.

Is this the reason that toxic people and difficult people are on the rise?

Interesting how lack of maturity and personal responsibility continue to have backers. People and groups who come up with excuses as to why bad behavior and
poor choices are not their fault. Now they have another excuse—IED. Intermittent Emotional Disorder is the tag line being used. In the field of psychology, IED really refers to intermittent EXPLOSIVE disorder and is applied to persons who cannot manage their anger, relationships, and/or themselves.

Ms. Sue then gives her answers, including:

Shift to the left-brain where the proper words and actions live. Your right brain kicks in when you are upset and angry. The mental terrorism will spur you on to impulsive deeds and immature actions. Train yourself to count to ten or say, “this is a test, this is only a test. This will not be important in 100 years.” This will help you to stop “awfulizing.”

THE EQ COURSE(c) teaches you about this "shift" process.

She adds, "It takes approximately two hours to recover from anger. In addition, you give your power to others. Is that really what you want?" to which I add, 5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours ... and your immune system IS YOUR HEALTH. (For immune system supplement go HERE.

Ms. Sue quotes Rosalie Hydock, Ph.D., a specialist in human behavior and performance improvement:

“The widespread inability to deal with emotions in an acceptable way is an interesting theme and a logical outcome in a society where several generational
cohorts have been raised to live in the moment with self-gratification rather than long-term consequences as a primary objective. Rather than legitimize this trend with a diagnosis, it might be better to work on developing better emotional control skills.”

Ms. Sue is the author of Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape. To order Sue's book, go HERE.

For an effective anger management course, take THE EQ COURSE. Or recommend it to someone who needs it :-). On the Internet, no residency requirement, self-paced, with email support and feedback.

To take the Difficult People course, on the Internet, interactive, go HERE.
-------------------------------------------------
SELF-GROWTH is the #1 ranked Self Improvement Site On The Internet according to Google and Yahoo! Susan Dunn has been chosen ADULT AND SENIOR DEVELOPMENT EXPERT for the massive self growth community served by this information portal. What an honor!

Susan is also ATTRACT YOUR DREAM PARTNER EXPERT for expert.com

and ASK THE EQ EXPERT for WebPro News.

Adult Development

I'm proud to announce that I have just been chosen Adult and Senior Development Expert by the web's largest self growth portal Self Growth! Please visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/susan_dunn.html to learn more.

I am also Attract Your DreamPartner for expert.com and Ask the EQ Expert for WebProNews.

On the Galllup Strengthsfinder, "Strategy" is my #2 strength. Let me help you with life strategy. Email for more information.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

EQ IN ACTION

In my Internet course, Dealing with Difficult People, I give a lot of examples of responses in conversation to use when you are being attacked that keep it neutral and keep the situation from escalating.

Here is a good example of that from the book No Ordinary Time by Goodwin, about the life of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt. At the time (World War II), Eleanor wrote a daily sndicated newspaper column entitled "My Day."

The scenario is that violence and rioting had broken out in Detroit, and Mrs. Roosevelt, a human rights activist was accused. The Jackson Daily News wrote that Eleanor Roosevelt was "morally responsible" for the riot. "It is blood on your hands, Mrs. Roosevelt," they declared on June 22. "You have been personally proclaiming and practicing social quality at the White HOuse and wherever you go, Mrs. Roosevelt. A Detroit resident wrote to the president saying "Mrs. Roosevelt ... [is] somewhat guilty of the race riots due to their coddling of negroes."

Writes Goodwin:

Eleanor responded with composure. "I suppose when one is being forced to realize that an unwelcome change is coming, one must blame it on someone or something," she replied

Click HERE to take the Difficult People course. Just in time for the holidays!

Emotional Intelligence and the Government, UK

"It's not just the left who are attracted by the new ideas. The Tory housing spokesman Michael Gove says public services have to show more "emotional intelligence" in dealing with people and Tory leader David Cameron argues wellbeing should be the object of public policy. But some rightwing thinktanks have started to chip away at wellbeing as a recipe for cutting people's freedom of action. A pamph-let from the Institute of Economic Affairs complained that happiness measures were unreliable and didn't relate either to income inequality or movements in clinically defined depression; at least GDP was securely measurable. The challenge ahead is enormous.

In his article in the SocietyGuardian.co.uk, David Walker asks whether happiness a legitimate aim for public services Special Reports Guardian Unlimited Politics. "Government does health and wealth, sure, but it is now being charged with looking after our inward state. How well can it do wellbeing, asks David Walker.

He proceeds to write:

"The declaration of American independence, drawing on a bright Enlightenment idea, declared happiness to be a human right. But what has government got to do with wellbeing? Should the state do less, which became the American ideal, or intervene more to remedy the causes of unhappiness?"

Oops. One of the first things we learn in school should be how to read the words that are written. One of the next things we learn about the American Declaration of Independence is that what was/is guaranteed is not "happiness," but "the pursuit of happiness."

Big difference there.

This interesting article proceeds to take a swing at many big issues, admitting that the challenge ahead is enormous. Tidbits:

--Interest is growing in the complex (and often non-monetary) sources of human wellbeing, including a sustainable relationship with the physical environment.
--On the table lies the radical suggestion that the government might make us happier by stopping us consuming. How we measure progress is under fire. Professor Allister McGregor, leader of a wellbeing research team at Bath University, says "human flourishing" brings much-needed attention to how much power people exercise, rather than where they fit in the economy.
--A tornado is sweeping through the social sciences as narrow, money-focused ways of thinking about progress give way to wider appraisals of being well and happy. Politicians and policy makers, too, are rethinking what government can do to make people feel more positive.
--A high-level group has just been appointed by the Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills on "mental capital and wellbeing".
--The Big Lottery Fund recently announced a wellbeing programme, which seemed to embrace the entirety of physical and mental health in the north-east. In practice it may mean grants for mental health projects, though the causes of ill-being could be traced deep into policy for housing, transport, employment and, more controversially still, the distribution of income and wealth.
--Where do you start and where stop appraising whether policy makes us happier.
--...[R]ecently, the health minister Ivan Lewis expanded provision of this talking therapy. The evidence suggests it can be highly beneficial for people in difficulties, preventing them slipping into joblessness or hopelessness. But taking wellbeing seriously might imply a much sharper look at what the rest of the NHS does, subverting the balance between primary care and what hospitals do.
--Government papers now routinely refer to health and wellbeing as twin objectives, at least admitting the possibility that spending money on doctors doesn't necessarily lead to enhanced wellbeing.
--Only 10% of the causes of happiness have to do with where we fit in the social order, according to new psychological studies. What matters much more is "mindset", according to Professor Felicia Huppert of the University of Cambridge. She reports that it's the belief that what you do can affect your position that matters: believing you are destined to do badly at school, say, is linked to unhappiness.
--The idea that the purpose of government is to tend to the happiness of citizens is far from new - it underpins Jeremy Bentham's late 18th century principle of utility. What is new is the belief that governments can and ought to get inside our heads, reducing stress.
--Wellbeing is at once an utterly banal and a revolutionary idea. Of course there has to be more to life, and public policy, than money. But imagine how differently the recent sub-national review would have read if a round notion of wellbeing had been substituted for economic growth. --It's been a while since the American academic Richard Easterlin found that happiness doesn't rise as people's incomes rise, above a certain threshold.
--These days there is a veritable science of happiness drawing on the work of such psychologists as Barry Schwartz, who has shown how more choices - over schools or hospitals, say - can make us miserable. Most of the work deals in aggregates. No one can definitively say what causes happiness on the individual level, though there is plenty of evidence associating unhappiness with lack of income (below a certain threshold), unemployment, stress, divorce or lack of social capital.
--Richard Layard, the former London School of Economics professor and Labour peer, has been arguing a politically ambitious proposition, that raising taxes can make people feel better about the world and themselves.

Just as aside, I have recently been out of the US, and found something that added greatly to my sense of happiness and wellbeing. I found it made me feel happy to have more "personal freedom." To be able to get on a train or streetcar with open windows, no seat belts, no signs about where you could stand and what you could do .. to walk out on a boulder 8,000 ft. above ground that had no chained wall or fenceing or any instructional signs or liability signs .. to be told there were helmets on the table for the ATV ride and left to use my own judgment about my safety. It's one of the things my friends who travel mention a lot. Personal freedom. Is that the "right" to do something stupid if you want to, or don't know? Absolutely. If you hang out an open train window, you could conceivably fall out, and more conceivably get whacked in the head or arm by some object you are passing. It was up to the individual.

There was also a noticeable lack of "train rage" or "streetcar rage" among the riders.

Share your thoughts - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

What is happiness? What guarantees the right to the pursuit of happiness? What do you think?

The emotional intelligence of a great leader (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)

Myspace.com Blogs:susandunncoach MySpace Blog

EQ is short for emotional intelligence. It's some of the most important life skills.

I've been reading NO ORDINARY TIME about Franklin Delano and Eleanor Roosevelt and the war years. Goodwin writes so much about their inside life, and what other's impressions were.

It takes a great deal of emotional intelligence to lead people well. Of course Roosevelt was one of the greatest leaders we have had. Listen to what Goodwin wrote about Franklin Delano Roosevelt:

Through the worst days, Roosevelt remained calm. He followed the course of the attack on the wall charts in his map room, watching comberly as the red pins, signaling German forces, multiplied, forcing the green pins, signaling the United States, into a full retreat. Yet not once, Marshall marveled, did he seek to interfere in any with with [General] Eisenhower's command; not once did her force the Joint Chiefs to explain hos this disaster had been possible. He had relied on these men through the entire war, and he would continue to rely on them now. "In great stress," Marshall declared, "Roosevelt was a strong man."

Roosevelt's steadiness in the midst of the crisis kindled gratitude in Stimson as well. "He has been extremely considerate," Stimson recorded in his diary. "He has really exercised great restraint, for the anxiety on his part must have been very heavy."


Supporting your support staff, and not blowing your top when you're frustrated, stressed or anxious is part of good leadership.

To learn more take the EQ Course. Email me for information, sdunn@susandunn.cc or sign up HERE through PayPal. You will be contacted by return email.

Take THE EQ MAP to find out what yours is. Then call me for coaching - 817-734-1471.

Avoid a Nudge from the Judge

Who Else Wants to Know about Anger Management?

Being able to manage your anger is an important life skill. Everyone has anger, it’s a normal emotion, and, like all emotions, is there to give us information. But how you respond to anger is the difference between living a good life and “a nudge from the judge."

There are all sorts of things that trigger our anger during a day – snarled traffic, a boss in a bad mood, an assistant who doesn’t do what they’re supposed to do, a colleague who is difficult, kids who won’t get ready for school on time, even a headache or an overheated room.

You can see how anger gives us information. For instance if you’re getting heated up because the room temperature is too hot, or its too stuffy, then you know there’s a problem that hopefully you can address. Getting some air in the room, lowering the temperature in the room, moving to another room, or taking off your jacket are some constructive ways to deal with this "information". Lashing out at a colleague or making a poor decision because you can’t think straight are not good ways of dealing with this. The key thing is to be able to get around the anger and think clearly when anger is designed to shut down out thinking!

We tend to get the most feelings of anger with loved ones. It’s ironic, isn’t it. But who do we care more about? And the outcomes seem so important. If your partner has done something that makes you angry, it matters more than the traffic jam or the secretary, simply because we care more about the outcome, so our emotional rheostat is set higher.

Also some people just have a higher rheostat to begin with. You know if you're the type that gets angry really easily. So what to do about it?

Learning how to manage your anger is an important lifeskill and is part of what we call emotional intelligence. There are other emotions, after all, that can cloud our thinking, cause us to self-sabotage, or harm others or ourselves. It all falls under the category of managing emotions intelligently, in other words for your own benefit. You aren't a helpless victim to anger if you know what's going on.

If you’d like to learn more about managing anger, why not consider getting the full-meal-deal and learn about emotions in general – where they come from, why they happen, what they are useful for, and how to respond, not react.

The strongest emotions (like anger) are the ones where we tend to have a knee-jerk reaction. We think we have no choice in what we do about them, and then we get in trouble. We can harm ourselves, others, or our important relationships.

If your boss insults you, there are really all sorts of options. You don’t have to lash out and jeopardize your job, or walk out and quit. You may WANT to do this, but it doesn’t mean you have to. Other things you can do, if you can calm your anger, are: cut the boss some slack because you know he’s having a hard day; take a break and think it through; consider whether there are many good things about your paycheck, so don’t quit; talk it out with your boss at a quiet time; or call a coach and vent.

Emotional intelligence and anger management are all about choices, and making a better life for yourself and those around you. The more options you can find in a situation, the better off you are going to be, and in order to do this you have to understand anger, and understand that you have choices.

When anger happens and you become a robot, you are very predictable to others, and that’s also to your disadvantage. It’s well know in the business world, like with negotiations or in depositions, that if you can make the other person angry, you have “won.” Why would you want to be a victim to your own anger? If you have trigger-anger, always reacting to the same thing, people around you pick up on this and can use it to their advantage, and to your disadvantage. Unfortunately this is a fact of life and it happens. You can learn how to manufacture more options for yourself and quit “losing” – your temper, your advantage, your job, and important relationships.

The most important thing about emotional intelligence is that it can be learned! Why wait?

Take THE EQ COURSE and learn about anger management. You have nothing to lose but losing! This course is 13 weeks, online, with feedback from the instructor. This allows you to take it from the comfort of your home or office, anywhere you have computer Internet access.

Testimonial: "This course changed my life. Thank you!" --KT, Arkansas