Guest article today re: same. Why not prepare with some EQ coaching, The EQ course, or the difficult people course. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Why Anger Rises In The Family (And How To Let It Go)
by Brenda Shoshanna
The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached, dependent or vulnerable, these individuals have the power to affect us deeply. In these relationships our expectations and demands greater.
Images Of The Family
We have strong images of how parents, siblings or children"should" behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and attention from those in the family. Parents have strong feelings that they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because of their roles, (no matter how they treat their children).
Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a"happy family", where everyone loves and cares for each other, and where everyone accepts all of each other's difficulties. Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most part the myth of a happy family is often a dream. Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment, sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations and demands and lack of acceptance.
In fact, families are really fine places to work through a great deal of issues and learn how to individuate, grow, love and accept both others and ourselves.Although many of us blame our parents for all that has gone wrong, the fact is that the parent is not the real culprit. It is the smoldering anger that is being held onto that causes the pain. It is the inability to get over disappointment about not having the parent of our dreams. This anger and disappointment can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life thatbest expresses our values and vision today.
Identity And The Family
A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the tendency each member has to identify with the other. Parents feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also project their worst fears about themselves onto their children, or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments in their own lives. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room there is for differences in most families. Most think that a perfect family is one in which everyone is the same.
Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)
The most vital process that goes on in the family is the process of individuation. This means that as a child grows they are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be separate and different from those they love. Some experience differences between themselves and family members as separation, or even rejection. They do not realize that unless family members become who they are, they will not be able to grow and love. Instead, anger develops, deep resentment and pain. The greatest longing most family members have is being known, heard and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced as love.
Unfulfilled Needs In The Family
For the rest of this article, go here: http://www.isnare.com/html.php?aid=190902
About The Author: Watch stress and sickness melt away on The Anger Diet, award winning book by top psychologist http://www.theangerdiet.com. Dr Shoshanna, speaker, relationship expert, has helped thousands. Free ezine andarticles, http://www.brendashoshanna.com , topspeaker@yahoo.com. Counseling, workshops available.
Susan Dunn has been chosen Adult and Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth, the biggest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by yahoo and google.
Let her help you through the holidays. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc .
No comments:
Post a Comment