Hurricane Wilma

Our fears can be irrational. We know this very well about others, i.e., the little boy who thinks all dogs bite, or the adult who's afraid to ride in elevators. We know it ... the little boy who thinks all dogs bite, the adult who's afraid to ride in elevators, the intellectually about ourselves, but it can't over-ride our emotional response. Not easily anyway.

I'm reminding of this watching Halloween come around. I write and coach about EQ at work, among other things. I have always written before the holidays (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yom Kippur) to help with the emotions that churn at that time of year, because of all the issues we all have to face, and managers, HR and CEOs must prepare for. They center around religion, and we feel strongly about religion. How to honor this is an ongoing challenge in the US, but we know from history that's is about the most important thing. More wars have been fought in the name of religion, and more people killed, than probably any other cause, and civilization such as Rom lasted as long as they did because they never tampered with the religions of the people they conquered.

We feel strongly about religion. Some think theirs is the only one. Some think another specific religion is wrong. Others take the idealistic stand that all must be free to practice their own religion, and they're opposed by those who take the idealistic stand that no religion should be observed publicly in a public place, like an office, thereby "forcing it on others".

Those feelings are strong, but they can't compare to the FEAR that generates at Halloween.

I am not a native of Texas, but have lived here many years, and I'll never forget my first Halloween here. The town I live in is 60% Hispanic, and (as you may or may not know) there's this thing they do where they dress skeletons like a bride and groom. I found this very startling! There's a lot that goes on around Halloween that's scary; there are plenty of kids that don't really like it.

And what it triggers are two things we don't like around an office -- it's "childish," and it's creepy, and each person has their own level of "creepy tolerance." We can put up a Christmas tree in an office and get little flack, but try putting a jack-o-lantern with candy corn in it, or a skill and crossbones, and watch the feathers fly.

Now I'm going to relate this to Hurrican Wilma which is circling around Yucatan as I write, and heading for somewhere in Florida. We've been told we have 3 days to prepare and that it's moving at 5 miles an hour.

THE CRUISE I TOOK IN A HURRICANE

For years I refused to take a cruise because someone always invited me in September and that's, as I "knew," "Hurricane Season. Actually hurricane season, as defined by the weatherologists, lasts for 6 months.

Then I was asked to speak on a cruise in September, my sister had also been asked, and I didn't even think about it. Off we went. Into the eye of the storm. That was September 15, 2003. Check out this amazing website for a replay.

But we didn't know it when we embarked, as it's called, we only learned about it as rumor, fear, and gossip spread through the ship. Being quasi-personnel, we heard the crew side of it. They weren't at all concerned about safety, just the extra work. The furniture had to be removed or lashed down, doors sealed shut, and the ship diverted...and dealing with the scared people.

Now I'd like to think they care about the people (and of course they do), but there's also that $20 million ship (or whatever they cost these days) to consider, so trust me, you're safe. The captain (and you must witness the captain of a cruise ship to understand absolute authority) has all the GPS stuff, and is in constant touch with necessary information.

You actually can't be safer than on a cruise ship. Well, I mean you're safe in Boise, Idaho, but as far as where the hurricane might be actually heading. The ship can easily, easily outrun the hurricane. If you're sitting in Key West, or Cozumel, not so. You can't move.

In fact my son's father-in-law says that when he was in the navy in Vietnam, they'd duck in and out of a hurricane in order to wash the ship.

What happened is we went elsewhere. The hurricane appeared to be heading for Grand Cayman, so we went to Belize instead. That's bad (at least to me), but not as bad as sitting on land waiting and wondering and not knowing. We simply went elsewhere. We were taken such good care of. The ship did rock and roll more than usual. Those stabilizers usually make the bobbing below the level of consciousness, but as I gave my talk on "Emotional Intelligence," all full of allusions to the sea, I almost fell over, and a few people were seasick and wearing their patches, but all in all, it was ... well actually it made a great memory and a great story.

So my fear of cruising "during hurricane season" was irrational. It was confronted by the actuality, and dispelled.

What irrational fears do you have? How are they limiting your life? What might you do about this?

The keys to this were (1) having the experience, which I wouldn't actively have chosen, it was just luck; and (2) not being alone.

It's very different to be stuck on land in the probable path of a hurricane, unable to get away.

Think of this in EQ terms. Being able to move is so crucial. When we're flooding with fear, the chemicals from our reptilian brain poise us for "fight or flight." (There's no fighting a hurricane, of course; one must flight.) But there are those who's amygdala is over-active, and they FREEZE. This can happen when you stop and think ... because the reptilion reactions are desired to STOP THINKING. When confronted with a charging bull, you won't survive if you become rational and try and figure out what breed it is. "Hmm, It's bos iberius the ones born and bred to charge. I'd better run. No wait, it could be a ...."

Those emotions are designed to move us ... literally and figuratively. Our emotions are designed to give us information, and keep us alive. It's how we manage them. There's no feeling that isn't accompanied by a thought. To me when I hear "cruise and hurricane" my emotional reaction is not one of fear. If I were in Key West right now, I would be scared, and my heart goes out to those in the possible path. Of course we just coped with this around the Houston area recently.

Another little boy isn't afraid of dogs biting, and another adult isn't afraid to ride in elevators, but we're all afraid, after the age of about 6, to be in the path of a speeding car, because ... "you have to be carefully taught."

What have you learned? How does it serve you? Emotional intelligence is the interface between intellect and emotion.
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