When to Stay and When to Go

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When to Stay and When to Go: Perseverance vs. Being Stubborn
One reason we don't like to look at the truth is because then we have to make hard decisions.

What if, for instance, TheCloser discovers your Internet 'date' is really married ... or worse, that your partner is cheating?
What do you do then? Do you persevere with the relationship? If so, at what point are you being stubborn? let's take a look at these two words
DEFINITIONS

Perseverance - To go on resolutely in spite of opposition, importunity, or obstacles; to remain unchanged or fixed in a specified character, condition, or position; to stick with something, especially something difficult or challenging

Being stubborn - Bring unreasonably or perversely unyielding; mulish; unyielding and unopen to reason; performed or carried on in an obstinate or rigid manner; difficult to handle, manage or treat; sticking to something for ego reasons or false reasons, or to prove something, like that you were right in choosing it/wanting it/loving it/etc.

COMPARISONS

Going forward vs. Stonewalling
Working toward something vs. Refusing to do something
Having a positive goal vs. Having a negative goal
Making something happen vs. Not permitting something to happen

EXAMPLE #1

Henry Ward Beecher said, "The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't."

Selina persevered in her goal of becoming a teacher. She kept at it despite a lot of obstacles. At one point she had to stop and take a job to pay the tuition. At another time, her study was interrupted when her husband was transferred. To get her degree and become a teacher took a lot of time, energy and money, but she persevered and achieved her goal.

Evan was stubborn and withholding in his relationship with Esmerelda. He would not give her what she wanted under any circumstances. He would ask her where she wanted to go for dinner. She would say, "Mexican food." He would say, "No." She would ask him to suggest something and he would say again, "No, you choose." Then the game would start again. Evan was impossible and "mulish."

KEY POINT

It's good to persevere, and not good to be stubborn. When you persevere, you are working toward a positive goal that's attainable. You are flexible and creative in pursuing possible alternatives toward your goal.

When you're being stubborn, you're either being negative to yourself (refusing to give up when you should), or to others (refusing to do what they want or to give them what they want), or to something (being in denial and refusing to face the facts).
One reason we don't like to look at the truth is because then we have to make hard decisions.

What if, for instance, TheCloser discovers your Internet 'date' is really married ... or worse, that your partner is cheating?

What do you do then? Do you persevere with the relationship? If so, at what point are you being stubborn? Let's take a look at these two words.

EXAMPLE #2

Although he felt something was wrong between them, Tom persevered with making his marriage to Sally as good as possible and also to making his own life good. They’d only been married two years. He worked on his own emotional intelligence, and tried to be loving. Eventually he began to suspect that Sally was having an affair. All his efforts had been failing, and that seemed to be a possible reason. In order to persevere with his goals for a good marriage, and a good life for himself, he decided to investigate. Only with accurate information could he persevere with his goals.

Annette decided the minute she met Tim that he was the perfect husband for her. She needed to believe that she was right, and that Tim, therefore, was perfect. As their marriage progressed, Tim began to insult and demean her, and there were strong clues that Tim was having an affair. “Open your eyes,” her mother told her, “he’s gone most weekends, I’ve seen him duck out to take cell phone calls when he’s over here for dinner, you’re crying all the time. Can’t you see? Why don’t you face up to it and find out for sure?” Stubbornly, Annette stuck with her position that Tim was the perfect husband and that she’s been right in choosing him.

BENEFITS

When you pesevere, you make things happen. When you're being stubborn you just stop things from happening, often things that need to happen. Persevering accomplishes something. Being stubborn accomplishes nothing or even something harmful to you or others.

RELATED DISTINCTIONS

Being open to new possibilities vs. Saying no to new possibilities
Making suggestions vs. Just saying no to other people's suggestions
Active vs. Reactive

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