Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Top 10 Things We Say When We've Been Hijacked

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE helps you live smarter, not harder

HIJACKED is sometimes also called FLOODING. It's when the strong compelling instincts of the reptilian brain take over and usually we do things we regret. It's when you're "blind with rage," or "go ballistic." The reptilian brain is concerned with survival and deals in aggression, territorial defense, and mating.

When you can't manage this, and can't get with the rest of your brain (limbic - bonding, and neocortex- thinking and "control central") , you do things like take someone's lunch from the break room because you're "starving," have an affair, say something to a loved one that you deeply regret, or have a harmful fight with your neighbor because his bushes are 2" over on your property, i.e., territory.

Here are The Top 10 Things We Say After We've Been Hijacked and act unwisely.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Monday, June 25, 2007

Business Communication doesn't have to be Jargon




Please, please go visit this blogsite. The graphics are so good, all you have to do is look at them and you've got the message.
NO JARGON
If you've worked with me, taken one of my Internet courses, or read one of my ebooks, you know that I hate "jargon" and don't use it. The courses and ebooks are all post-grad level, but they are in plain English.
When I was in grad school and getting a little heady about how smart I was about to be, I wrote a paper full of obfuscations and the professor told me he agreed with Einstein -- if you can't explain it to your grandmother*, you don't know what you're talking about. He said never to be afraid to say it in clearly, with short words.
In fact that's a really good idea in tense situations, like where you're the expert, boss or authority figure. Consider a doctor delivering bad news, for instance. There's a great email going around about friendship, where one of the items is "And when you're upset, I'll speak to you in short words."
(That's an anachronism, of course, grandmother. How about - if you can't explain it to a 10 year old ... )

Now if you were standing in the office instead of at the ironing board, and someone started talking at you that way, wouldn't you RUN?
These graphics are reproduced under the creative commons agreements.
Isn't that marvelous?

This blogster is a real genius, the kind with IQ AND EQ.

To improve your communication, take THE EQ COURSE. It reinforces some of the other points made on this blog -- that PowerPoint doesn't teach, people teach ... that throwing money at a problem doesn't solve it ... that the more you micromanage, the more you make dysfunctional idiots out of your employees, that two heads aren't always better than one ... and don't start your presentation, book, talk "at the beginning".
It's just a great site. Take some time and browse it.

My life's work is helping people get along better, get more done, have more success in relationships and at work, and enjoy their life more. This takes high emotional intelligence, understanding how you operate and also how the other person does.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Prince William and Kate Together Again?


Prince William, girlfriend reunited? - omg

Emotional Intelligence is about setting appropriate limits and the Royal House of Windsor has always been good at showing us how to do this.

In this case, we'd love to know if WIlliam and Kate and back together again, but William's offical spokeswoman declined comment.

"We don't discuss William's private life," she said. "It's a matter for him." She also remained anonymouse. in line with policy.

The couple appears to be getting back together, with what the article called a series of casual dates.

Want to know how to navigate dating after divorce. Order MIDLIFE DATING SURVIVAL MANUAL FOR WOMEN. Appropriate for anyone dating after divorce.
___________________________________________________________________
Lost love? Want to know what's happening? Contact Master Psychic Semiramis,
semiramis/appiamo@hotmail.com . Semiramis reunites couples. "She'll be expecting you."

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Corrections to LA Times Newspaper


<--- CAN YOU TELL A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING?

Emotional Intelligence consists of many competencies. Common sense and reality-checking are the result of high emotional intelligence. How do you teach common sense --which is, as someone once said, not at all COMMON.

You will find your common sense and reality-testing increase when you take The EQ Course* and increase your emotional intelligence.

*[This course is college and post-grad level, and you must qualify to take it.]

Now take a look at the page of corrections from just one issue of the LA Times newspaper (see link above).

One example:

Deadbeat dad: An article in Friday's California section about a $311,491 child and spousal support payment quoted Los Angeles County child support services officials as saying that it was the largest ever in the United States. However, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families said Friday that there have been larger payments.

Here is another example:

For the record
Japanese translation: In an article about yakitori in last week's section, it was reported that yaki translated as skewers and tori as chicken. Actually, yaki means grilled and tori means bird.

So ... do you believe everything you read in the newspapers? Do you believe everything you hear on TV?

Friday, June 22, 2007

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

APA Press Release: Harboring Hostility May Be Linked to Unhealthy Lungs Says New Study

Emotional Intelligence ... ANGER ... health problems. We know that chronic hostility is bad for your health.

This study found compromised lung functioning in young adults (18-30) who had "short tempers" and "mean dispositions." Ashthma and smoking were ruled out. At this point the study says harboring hostility and unhealthy lungs correlate, or go together, not which direction the "cause" runs.

This is link noting that ice cream sales go up in hot weather - does the hot weather cause the ice creams sales, or do the ice cream sales cause the hot weather? In that example, you don't have to guess, but in many health examples, it isn't clear.

Do you get short of breath when you get angry?

If you'd like to work on anger management, take the EQ Course. This is a comprehensive course that will benefit you in all areas of your life and inrease your emotional intelligence, which includes the intelligent management of anger.

Must be capable of handling college-level material.

Nessun Dorma King Bullied as a Child

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - BUSINESS PROGRAMS, BULLYING AND MOBBING, INDIVIDUAL COACHING, INTERNET COURSES, EBOOKS, Club Vivo Per Lei - I Live for Music

Paul Potts, the World's Favorite Opera Singer, says he was bullied as a child, and sought escape in music.

Deep in debt after years of illness, he has had no formal training, but that his voice was always his best friend.



Kudos to Puccini, composer of "Nessun Dorma" and to his librettists. To learn more about opera, join CLUB VIVO PER LEI. Read about the benefits of music.

For bullying coaching, and business programs on bullying and mobbing, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Forgiveness - Emotional Intelligence

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCY: To be adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving.
From this, you can forgive others.

What is forgiveness? From "A Moment to Remember"



Remember that you forgive for yourself. Otherwise you become the skeleton at the feast.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Business Emotional Intelligence

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BUSINESS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Makes some good points.

Be the kind of person people want to be around.
Get along with IT and the other people who can help you do your job.
If you want to impress, come in early, don't stay late. The perception of the ones who come early is always good. The perception of those who stay late is not always good.

Interesting, take a look and let me know what you think.



For a broader look at what he's talking about, take THE EQ COURSE or get career EQ coaching. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I work with people all over the world - distance is not a problem. User-friendly.

John Rowland - Washington Post Article

A Look Back, And Up - washingtonpost.com

FROM THE ARTICLE:

"Gratuities were accepted as if they were his due," U.S. District Judge Peter Dorsey noted at Rowland's sentencing in March 2005. He went off to federal prison as inmate 15623-014, in Loretto, Pa.

In his job, he denied himself virtually nothing. "I did some stupid things," [Rowland] says now. "It started with my sense of entitlement, the belief that I deserved whatever came to me, that everything was about me."

"From the time you arrive, the job of everybody in the office is about making you look good and feel good, and after a while you believe that is the way your life is supposed to be -- people doing things for you. The sun is rising with you -- that's what everybody believes. You end up believing it, too. The people in your office and the lobbyists, they're all saying the same thing: how great you are, and how hard you work for the state, and how much everybody appreciates you, and how you deserve to be rewarded. It starts there."


ONE COMMENT:

Truth is no one is entitled to gratuities even when they are given by loved ones. They are to be appreciated in moderation like fine brandy but to expect they are entitlements lead to ruin.

Many said they were tired of reading about this man in The Washington Post.

Some question whether he's really learned anything at all.

Whatever it is, it is a sad story. Among other things, his impulsivity, if the anecdote is true that he ran into a old sweetheart at a dance and immediately suggested they both divorce and marry.
_____
One of the pitfalls of high-level positions is when you allow yourself to be surrounded only by people who tell you what you want to hear.

TAKE THE EQ COURSE and increase your emotional intelligence.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Shaping Relationships that Work


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Hmmm, there are some good points in here.

"Teaching Self-Love to Dogs and Humans,"
by guest writer, Charlie Badenhop

Have you ever thought about the many similarities between dogs and humans?

As a child I was quite involved in breeding and training dogs and I was lucky to have a very talented and wise gentleman as my teacher. I learned a great deal from him that I apply today in my work with people.

My teacher had six basic rules he employed when training dogs and you can use these same rules as a parent or professional facilitator in your workplace. Seem strange?
Have a read and then decide!

My teacher's first rule is "Treat 'the pupils' with firm yet gentle kindness and endless patience." No matter what a dog did, without any trace of annoyance my teacher would calmly and gently let them know when their behavior was not what he
wanted. He would also be very clear in letting the dogs know when he was pleased.

His second rule is "Consistently foster and support the pupil in developing a positive identity." My teacher used to say, "Never tell the dog he's "bad." If you tell him he's bad, he'll start to feel bad, and then the next thing you know he'll start to act bad as well. All the dog will really be doing, is confirming what you've just told him!"

"Don't confuse the identity of the dog, with the dog's behavior. No matter what happens, your dog is a "good dog." And sometimes your "good dog" will have lousy behavior. "Good boy, good dog, don't gnaw on the table leg!"

"Good boy, good dog, don't you dare lift your leg on those curtains!" "No matter what he does, it's very important for your dog to know his positive identity never changes." "If you think in terms of "good dog" now "bad dog" later, your affection for your dog will change like the weather and he will become confused, and not know who he really is."

Rule number three is "Let your pupil know she truly belongs, and that she has her own rightful place in the world." To help dogs fully understand this rule, my teacher applied a stroke of genius. He'd cut a small piece of carpet for each dog he trained and place the carpet in the dog's sleeping area for her to lie on each night. During the day he'd take the same piece of carpet and set it down anywhere he wanted the dog to sit. When the dog sat down upon his request he praised the dog for being obedient, and said "This is your place. You belong here." It didn't take long for the carpet to take on the distinct odor of the dog, and my teacher said this led the dog to feel "at home" whenever the carpet was nearby.

Eventually, my teacher would teach the dog to pick up the piece of carpet in her mouth, and carry it to wherever they were going. The dog would set the piece of carpet down when they arrived somewhere and sit on it, with my teacher all
the while praising her for being so good. At this stage, the dog begins to feel she truly belongs in every place she travels to, and every place feels like home.

The fourth rule is, "Teach by example." If you want your dog to be strong and calm, then you must be strong and calm in your dealings with her. If you want the dog to love you and live for the opportunity to protect you, then you need to teach love by example. You don't expect the dog to love you just because you feed her and give her shelter. The dog winds up loving you as a natural reaction to your love for
her. As my teacher used to say, "It's very simple. Love is a circle, it's not a straight line."

The fifth rule he called "The length of the leash." You need to be able to sense the dog's understanding of what you would like him to do, in relation to what he would like to do. If the leash is too short the dog feels coerced. If the leash is too long the dog has no idea what you want, and comes to rely on his own will and whims. Achieving the "just right" leash length is something you need to learn anew for each dog you train. Eventually you want to get to where you can think a thought, and have the thought travel the length of the leash down to the dog. Once this starts to happen you have a clearer and clearer sense that you and the dog are "one intelligence."

It's important to occasionally let the dog do what he wants to do, even when this runs counter to what you want him to do. This is crucial for building a good relationship, and sometimes you discover the dog has a better understanding of what is taking place than you do!

In the end, you want to take off the leash completely, and let the dog act from its own sense of right and wrong.

Rule number six is, "Treat your pupil as you yourself would like to be treated." Pretty straightforward yes? Don't for a moment believe a dog deserves any less respect than you do.

I ask you now, wouldn't these six rules work just as well with humans as they do with dogs?

................................................................
About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido
instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit
from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and various self-help
Practices, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure
Heart, Simple Mind" here.

People who feel your pain -- literally

Extreme empathizers feel your pain - More Health News - MSNBC.com

People in this experiment have something called mirror-touch synesthesia. When they see another person being touched, they experience a tactile sense of touch. Evidentally for them, it triggers the same part of the brain as actual touch, and this connection helps explain how we understand what other people are feeling.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Paul Potts sings Nessun Dorma and the Crowd goes wild

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It's sweeping the Internet -- and what a tribute to the human spirit. Paul Potts, a cell phone salesman from South Wales, bring the audience to their feet in less than a minute, singing "Nessun Dorma," the signature Puccini aria of no less than Luciano Pavarotti.

This crowd (how many do you think have heard opera before? they call this aria "a difficult song") cannot be fooled. A beautiful voice and spirit, and the soul of Puccini ...

Enjoy!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Mister Rogers in Senate Hearing

Watch this incredible video of Mister Rogers appearing before a Senate Hearing in 1969, headed by John Pastore.

Nixon wanted the $20 million for public broadcasting cut in half to fund Vietnam.

Pastore starts out bored and hostile, but watch Mister Rogers apply the emotional intelligence.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Angry People Make More Rational Decisions and Take the "Right" Action?


Need to make a decision? Get angry - LiveScience - MSNBC.com

This is an article that really needs to be commented upon, since it appears to upset evertyhing we've thought about angry.

In our long and tortured collectived and individual attempts to deal with this strong emotion, here comes the latest. As summed up by the msnbc article, "The next time you are plagued with indecision and need a clear way out, it might help to get angry."

The researchers claim anger helps people make better choices (notice this is mental, not an action). They claim it actually aids thinking rationally because it makes us tend to concentrate on the decision-cues "that really matter."

Study is by Wesley Moons, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, and his colleague Diane Mackie.

The upshot is that they think anger makes people think more rationally - both in being able to focus on the "strong" argument (by their definition, the one with valid scientific information), in being more logical in their thinking, and in being better able to 'consier the source.' They think it makes people more decisive. When not angry, people tend to be more wishy-washy. Well, that makes sense.

Why did this bring to my mind the phrase, "cold logic."

Points to ponder:
1. This was induced anger in a laboratory setting.
2. The decision they were asked to make was something like "do college students have good financial habits."
3. Their reporting of the non-logical candidates - well, perhaps LESS logical. Consider that the sample was all U. C. Santa Barbara college students.
4. They were TOLD to "logically evaluate" the material. How often, when you are enraged, are you sitting in a room with an authority figure and pencil and paper, and TOLD to "logically evaluate" the material? More likely you're being attacked by a person who keeps countering that you don't make sense, aren't thinking clearly, and could see it their way if you weren't such an idiot. Or you're facing a mindless entity like whoever is causing the traffic jam, or the bureaucracy that invented taxes, or the evil design that gave you small boobs or pimples. Or worse yet, something that triggers another survival instinct - let's say you find your spouse cheating.

The article ends with this summary: "This could be because anger is designed to motivate people to take action — and that it actually helps people to take the right action, the authors wrote."

That's a very strong statement -- the right action.

Why can't I get it out of my mind, the angry husband who has just found his wife in bed with another man and shoots them both? Which in some states is still manslaughter - "by reason of insanity" - or stronger yet, the cold anger, the cold analytical anger that motivates the person to premeditate a murder? I which case our lega system does not consider it manslaughter.

Real food for thought here. Perhaps one thing to consider is that bell curve again. In the middle, anger does motivate to right action. When you finally get tired of being abused by a spouse or boss and take a "right" action, such as trying to change it, or leaving. But at the extreme or rage ... do we really rational decisions and make the "right" action most of the time? Most of our regrets in life are from lashing out in anger aren't they? The decision may be correct that your husband is cheating - you have analyzed the evidence, and founds the facts. And after that, what is the "right" action? Can it be that simple?

Interesting piece of research here. Let me know your thoughts - mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Take The EQ Course and learn more.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Successful Seduction of Women

DARE TO LISTEN ( http://www.xlnc1.org/index.php )
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THE SUCCESSFUL SEDUCTION OF WOMEN

Serving as “Attract Your Dream Partner” expert for a major website, I get questions. I get the same questions in my coaching practice. “I saw this girl in the bookstore and I want to ask her out. What do I do?” “I want to ask this woman out but I can’t get her attention.” “There’s this woman at work …”

Seduction is the art of getting what you want, and “four things greater than all things are: women and horses and power and war.” That quote is from Rudyard Kipling’s “The Ballad of the King’s Jest.” It appears on the dedication page of George Crile’s bestseller, “Charlie Wilson’s War,” about the War in Afghanistan. This book is a real page turner, the story of one man’s quest for women and mules and power and war. (Why mules? Read the book.)

However, if you check out “The Ballad of the King’s Jest,” you will see that it ends with: “Two things greater than all things are, The first is Love, and the second War. And since we know not how War may prove, Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love.”

So let us talk of love. Winning the hand of the woman you love is probably the most important conquest you will make. After all, no amount of success in the workplace can make up for failure at home.

So how do you go about it?

Being persuasive about anything requires a lot more than just IQ. It requires EQ – emotional intelligence. Facts alone do not persuade people. Nor do aggressive actions. Emotions do. You’re not going to win someone over – whether it’s for a date or for a defense contract – by the simple recitation of facts. There’s a lot more involved in it than that. How you handle the emotional quotient can make the difference in the sale.

As Daniel Goleman wrote, EQ can matter more than IQ for success in life. We see people all the time who are geniuses, who can’t seem to get it together in the field of human relations.

What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is a group of competencies which, together, allow you to handle your own emotions and those of others, and apply this to create win-win situations. It also relates to resilience, stress management, and wellness.

Handling your emotions? I’m thinking about the young man who wanted to date me in college – evidently quite a lot, because when I turned him down he replied, “That’s okay, I like your room-mate better anyway.” As we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not a good way of getting it. While I had not really made up my mind about him, he certainly sealed his fate with his response.

An emotional intelligence program will give you information about how the brain works, where emotions comes from, how to manage them, how to identify them in others, how to build resilience, become more flexible, and so forth.

A GOOD EQ program will also address the role of the arts – music, literature, art, dance. The Arts are included in The EQ Course™ because it’s an important avenue to addressing emotion and to whole-brained thinking. The arts provide, and build, effective knowledge and expression of emotion, development of specific important parts of the brain, affordable and fantastic stress relief with no bad side effects, and a sort of enrichment to your life that’s hard to put into words. In fact that’s why we have the arts – for the things we must deal with for which there are no words. See Club Vivo Per Lei.

Emotional expression? A kiss is still a kiss, yes, but what are you going to say when you hear the dreaded, “Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love”?

But there’s another reason why you might be interested in emotional intelligence and exploration of the arts.

One of the most interesting points to come out of “Charlie Wilson’s War” is that this congressman from Texas, whose war was the War in Afghanistan, and who eventually gained a seat on the Appropriations Committee, valued more highly his life-time appointment to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which gave him two tickets to any event he wanted to attend.

Why?

Because four things greater than all things are, and the first was women.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach, www.susandunn.cc . Explore the arts and emotional intelligence through The EQ Course™ and Club Vivo Per Lei . Susan coaches individuals on emotional intelligence and lifeskills, career and relationships. She trains and certifies coaches worldwide in an effective, affordable, fast, no-residency program. For more information, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Bush Bids Farewell to Blair

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN THE NEWS

Bush Bids Farewell to Blair - http://news.scotsman.com/politics.cfm?id=894182007
As Bush says goodbye to Blair, meeting with him for the last time in their official capacities, The Scotsman writes: 'Even detractors of the president concede he has a high "emotional intelligence" quotient, diffusing awkward questions with humour - a tactic deployed more articulately by Mr Blair.'


Meanwhile, NewScientist.com news service reports of a DEVICE THAT WARNS YOU IF YOU'RE BORING OR IRRITATING.

What took them so long? you ask. I have some people I'd like to send this too!

Assuming that we care, we rely on social cues and emotional intelligence to alert us to when we are doing this to others, and autistic individuals lack the ability to read these cues and that's how this device will help.

Called an "emotional social intelligence prosthetic device," it is being developed at MIT. A small camera will be pinned to the side of a pair of glasses which will then be connected to software that can read the emotions these images show. If they aren't "engaging" the other person, the computer will vibrate.

It can supposedly show whether someone is agreeing, disagreeing, concentrating, thinking, unsure or interested. It tracks such things as "movements of the eyebrows, lips and nose, and tracks head movements such as tilting, nodding and shaking."

So far the machine is reading it right 64% of the time with regular folks, and 90% with actors. The article did not say how they were assessing what the people's emotions were -- an interesting point.

One of the problems the researchers also face is training autistic people to look at the faces of the people to whom they are speaking ... an interesting point as well.

If all this makes you think about nonverbal communication, empathy and emotional intelligence, and you'd like to learn more, take the EQ course - www.susandunn.cc/eqcourse.htm . You will find it fascinating to improve your emotional intelligence.

Timothy Bickmore, of Northeastern University in Boston, evidently a dedicated teacher, is quoted as saying: "I would love it if you could have a computer looking at each student in the room to tell me when 20 per cent of them were bored or confused."

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

To Know How to Grow Old



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TO KNOW HOW TO GROW OLD ...

"To know how to grow old,” wrote Henry Frederic Amiel , “is the master work of wisdom, one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living."

One of the most important things you can do to assist in this process, is to work on your emotional intelligence. It includes competencies such as flexibility and resilience.

Want to see how it works?

I have a client who is sure if he retires, he will die. He’s a physician and has been working those long hours since he was in his 20s. His father worked as a physician practically until the day he died, so this man has no role models. You know other people never count, it’s the ones close to you – if your solipsistic, and anyone who thinks they will die if they retire has that sort of narrow-minded, rigid thinking.

I have a female client who is having trouble with the changes in her appearance. While the doctor’s sense of self resides in his profession, this woman’s sense of self and self-esteem resided in her beauty. She is convinced she is no longer beautiful.

Both of these clients are lacking in the emotional intelligence skills that can ease any transition – for this is just another of the transitions in life.

After all, they’re saying that “60” is the new “40” and so forth. We are all living longer, and living in better health, so doesn’t it make sense to prepare for all stages?

You are going to “grow old,” everyone does, unless you don’t get to – and who ever thought of learning how to do it? Well what we want to learn how to do, is how to do it WELL.

One of the keys is a competency we call Resilience. It means being able to bounce back from rejections, losses, setbacks, and adversity, while remaining bouyant and optimistic about the future.

Adversity can hit at any age. Divorce is a hard thing to go through, and people go through it at many different ages. Youth are known to be more “resilient,” and to move through it faster. If you want an example, go to a singles groups for 20 years old, and then a singles group for 60 years old. Most of the people involved in both groups have been divorced, but oh what a different in attitude and outlook. Group #1 is already looking to the future, and eager to meet someone new. Group #2 is spending a lot of time talking about the past.

The mind, you see can get into ruts and run in circles all too easily if we allow it to. When you study emotional intelligence (at least if you take a good course that goes beyond the surface fluff which is usually about how your thinking brain shuts down when you get angry), you will learn a lot about the brain. We form neural connections when we learn things, and while we stop at some point to make new brain cells, it is available to us for – well, maybe forever – to make new connections. And how do you do this? By learning new things.

The more radically new, the better. That means if you’re an engineer, going on a getting your Ph.D. is nice, but it would benefit the resilience of your brain to learn opera or water skiing. If you’re a musician, it would be super to learn a new instrument, but would be far more beneficial, in this respect, to learn how to grow roses, or take up physics.

What should you learn? Something that scares the heck out of you. Something you know nothing about. Something where, when you sit down, you feel LOST. (How long has it been since you felt that way.) You’ll almost feel the wheels grinding as you grope around. I describe it as there’s no skeleton to hang the stuff off of.

I’ve worked with a number of EQ clients who have started into something radically new and they report great results. “My memory’s coming back,” one of them told me. “I thought it was gone.”

Another client, whose professions is ponderous and full of responsibilities, where he is the expert and the one everyone turns to, says it is “fun” to sit in the back of the room and know nothing, and to have to keep raising his hand. I must add that at first he did not, it took come coaching. At first he resented knowing nothing, and being “ignorant.” I encouraged him to continue, “just to see,” and pretty soon the results took over and became his own motivation. He opened up in many other new areas. He is now willing to travel, which he did not want to do before.

You can get in a box, especially if you’ve worked in the same career field your entire life. It seems foreign, or simply impossible, to take up something new. It doesn’t even seem interesting.

And that’s another way to become resilient as you age. You know how they saw if you find people boring, it’s because you are boring, or bored, and what you need to do is GET interested. Being bored by people, by life or by occupation is a habit of thinking after all, and the way you GET out of it is the same way you GOT into it. By going through the motions.

Instead of shutting down when you meet someone who bores you, that you think you know all about, or you disagree with them politically, or they come from another place in life, stop and enforce upon yourself the concept of “curious.” Force yourself – yes, force yourself, that’s how it begins – to say, “Really? And why do you think ____ is a bad candidate?”

Almost beside yourself, you will learn interesting things, and regain some joy that’s been lost in your life.

If you walk past a rose garden every day and either don’t see it, or think the person is ignorant to be growing roses, change your attitude BY FORCE and approach it differently.

Of course it’s up to you. Certainly nobody is going to MAKE you do this if you don’t want to, but I throw it out as a challenge. After all, someone famous said that when things become old (and the world can become old, yes, if you are rigid and brittle), then what you need is NEW EYES, and that’s part of what EQ is all about.

Knowing how to grow old is demanding, but not any moreso than learning how to be an adult, for heaven’s sake, and take your first job. You went after that, didn’t you? Well, here we go again. An emotional intelligence course can really open your eyes. Why not give it a try? You might like it so much you might want to go on an become a coach yourself. It’s a great profession for someone with some wisdom!

©Susan Dunn, EQ and professional life coach, www.susandunn.cc . Career, relationships, retirement and other transitions. Individual coaching is available by phone or email, no contract required. Pay as you go.

BECOME A COACH. Susan trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a program that’s all long-distance, fast, affordable and effective. She is a founding member of CoachVille and has a master’s in clinical psychology. For free ezine mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and write “ezine” for subject line. And be sure and check out her ebook, “Speak on a Cruise and Travel the World for Pennies.” Email for info.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Emotional Intelligence Not Part of the Public Vocabulary?

The Journal Times Online

According to an article in the JournalTimes, Racine, Wisconsin, "emotional intelligence is a term that's not part of the public vocabulary."

Well, we're doing our best to spread the word. It may be better known in other parts of the US, and in the world.

In her article: Q&A: What is emotional intelligence?, Phyllis Sides writes:

Emotional intelligence (E.Q.) is a counter part, so-to-speak, of our intelligence quotient (I.Q.). EQ is rooted in neuroscience and brain research, and is simply defined as our ability to notice and manage emotions in order to connect with other people and build success. EQ includes four basic elements: self-awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management. When used in combination, those four elements can be more powerful than our IQ in determining success in life.

She goes on to add,

Our first instinct usually isn't to consider our emotions and how they will affect our behavior in the next split second of time. Often, the fastest response comes from the emotional part of our brain which causes us to act without thought. Those responses have the power to make or break the moment; our IQ, or what we know, has little to do with how we handle situations.

And interesting point she goes into is something that has never come up in coaching ... can EQ be abused? She thinks it more often "goes under the radar screen or is ineffectively applied, than abused."

I think it's a sad sign of our times, that people sometimes think EQ is going to be used against them.

But if it were - put on your IQ/EQ cap -- wouldn't it help to know more about it?

As Gerry Spence writes in his great book, "How to Argue and Win Every Time," many (most?) of our interchanges during the day involve someythin wanting something and -- he says -- we are born to "argue." We were not meant to sit mute.

And the difference between having a tantrum because your secretary loses something, and berating her and upsetting the staff around you -- and handling the situation so that it's a win-win, is the different between low EQ and high EQ.

Does yelling at someone ever produce the results you WANT? Does humiliating someone in public ever make them perform better? Does throwing something help you find a missing item?

ANGER IS GOOD FOR KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT, NOT FOR GETTING IT. That's an EQ tenet that's very helpful to many people.

Want to learn more? Take my EQ Course and forge ahead.

You can use to effect win-win outcomes. And, on the other hand, as no less thant Sun Tzu said -- if something is out there that can be used against you the smart person does not remain ignorant.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or visit my website: www.susandunn.cc .